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[ - ] I so enjoy my twin flyover cousins competing with each other on facebook about their $300k houses and who is getting crown moulding etc. while being big Christians. 55 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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Sounds like they are happier than you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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Theyre hypocrites. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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How so? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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Bible thumpers who are obsessed with keeping up with the joneses [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:18 AM Flag
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Funny you should say they are the ones interested in keeping up with the joneses, while you are the one being all nasty about the price of their homes and their choice of style inside their homes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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I have no problem with crown moulding or their style. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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... So what do you "so enjoy" about their posts then [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:26 AM Flag
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The blessings and praying for people one minute then the subtle digs at each other over who has the best stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:28 AM Flag
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I think you can see this in full force amongst Jews in NYC who also claim to be religious. No need to make a dig at their state of residence by calling it flyover. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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I only know atheist Jews [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:32 AM Flag
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Or yoga Jews [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:32 AM Flag
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Yeah, that's America. I have the same relatives and prior high school contacts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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Lol! "Stainless steel appliances and granite countertops" b a r f [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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So what's the "right" countertops and appliances? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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Something cool you've never heard of, probably. She's THAT above you... her kitchen countertops are way trendier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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watch. she'll be an idiot and say soapstone or concrete. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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What's wrong with that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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one word: stains -- and don't say, soapstone doesn't stain. it isn't permeable. they so damn do "temporarily" stain, for months at a time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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Quartz & matching your cabinets [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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Pyrolave dear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:35 AM Flag
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why so nasty? it's someone's kitchen decor. it's hardly a reflection of their worth as a person or their personality. it's what the style is in the central area of the country. saying "b a r f" is like making fun of europeans for dressing differently than americans, going "ewww look at their clothes. b a r f." it just makes you sound ignorant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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That's true [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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i object to ridiculing others for their counter top choice. but i firmly support the right of all americans to "ewwww" over european everything, except maybe SOME of their food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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what's wrong with that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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I had granite in 1990 and my parents never told anyone. . Np. Nothing to brag about in 2015. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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so... you still haven't said what's wrong with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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Not sure what others are getting at but it's amusing when people are very late on a trend and then talk about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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what's "amusing" about someone deciding they like something only after they've seen it around for a while? it's just different. you still haven't told us why you're so judgmental of someone's kitchen decor just for being culturally different from your own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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I am not the OR so I don't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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so you don't know why you think it's amusing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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omg. you are like so totally awesomely hip. i completely like missed that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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Nothing to brag about ever. It's your fucking kitchen counter. Who are these women who claim to be so cultured, so urban, and they make fun of others for having a different style kitchen??? "I had granite in 1990s and never bragged about it" are you SERIOUSLY bragging about how early you had fucking granite countertops in your kitchen 25 years ago right now? Take a step back and think about what that says about you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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lol. yeah, you tell her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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Haha, sorry. I just get fed up with people thinking they are so above someone from a different state with different styles, basically, for the absolute dumbest reasons. It says so much about them as a person and I just want to make sure they are aware how ignorant and dumb they look when they speak that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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You, I like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:00 AM Flag
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So very "house hunters" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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Oooh, i hit a nerve!!:P [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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no, people are just letting you know that you sound like a dumbass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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Np: I have marble, does that pass the cool test? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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oooooh. marble stains and erodes. super high maintenance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:19 AM Flag
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Granite sometimes contains high amounts of radon, I'd suggest testing your countertops [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:22 AM Flag
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If only life were that easy. I'm kind of jealous [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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Don't be nasty, they're family. Bitch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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And they probably enjoy you pretending to be too cool and too cultured for the rest of them, while living in your shoebox and rolling your eyes at everyone. What's your point? Different strokes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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They have no visual on the inside of my shoebox since I don't post pics like that nor do I ask for painter recommendations on facebook [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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So avant garde! Signed, long-time NYer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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Because... wait for it... you're way above facebook, you're too cool and cultured for that. You just browse it to check out how stupid and uncultured everyone else is every night before you go to bed. But you'd never be so uncool as to actually post something. Am I right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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I post pics of people. Not pics of things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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So you're not an artist? Okie dokie then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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Only the coolest people, though, I'm sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:18 AM Flag
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I have got plenty of "flyover" cousins - this is a big country populated by many people. Just because I live in a coveted zip code does not make me "better" than them. And you can be damn sure, my kids are not raised to believe that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:57 AM Flag
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just because they're proud of their houses and their upgrades doesn't mean they're "competing". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:02 AM Flag
[ - ] Slp moms, will my dd ever speak? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:02 AM Flag
[ - ] DH just washed cat's litter box in the kitchen sink, how unsanitary! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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Everyone will live. That's what Softscrub and Comet are for...disinfecting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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they don't disinfect. bleach!!!! also, disgusting!!!! men are pigs!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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Maybe not disinfectants, per se, but they clean. Frankly, I would appreciate if DH made attempts to clean the kitty box. Seems like it has been defaulted to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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i hate it when people half ass cleaning. fire up TWO brain cells. take it outside or at least the bath tub! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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Okay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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You realize that you also wash raw chicken, etc in there, right? It's not exactly a sterile place in most homes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:31 AM Flag
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He washed the litter box. Beyond that, I would not care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:55 AM Flag
[ - ] Looking for advice, maybe from a DH. I really want my DH to lose weight, but don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him. Yes, all the food in the house is healthy, but he has no portion control and when I tell him to stop eating he gets annoyed at me. He doesn't seem to understand what he looks like. How do I talk to him about this without making him feel terrible? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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Maybe you just tell him. Honey, you've gained 50 pounds since we were married. It's bad for you, and I want you to be with me a long time. And I'm losing my attraction to you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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Can you go for a walk after dinner? Get weights for in the house? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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I signed mine up for the gym and said Go to the gym now, or to the doctor later. I'll let you know when he starts actually going. Maybe buy smaller plates?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:09 AM Flag
[ - ] My husband is leaving me, won't try to work on things and wants 50% custody. Married 17 years. I feel like a semi-truck landed on my chest. If you hve BTDT, please tell me when things get better and when I won't cry at the thought of missing my DCs. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:57 AM Flag
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Why does he want 50/50? If you have been primary parent, that is rare. Is he trying to reduce child support? document if you are primary caregiver. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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It's really not rare. I know many 50 50 splits. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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I take care of most logistical things related to the DCs but we both work and my DH does spend time with the DCs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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Sounds like you win. Document, document that you go to dr, school, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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I lose no matter what..time, my DH, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:28 AM Flag
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In my friend's experience it's about child support [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:26 AM Flag
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i'm sorry. how old are the kids? you'd think after 17 years, these things would be behind you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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I know...DCs are 9 and 11 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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that's really sad. hang in there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:05 AM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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If he wants to leave let him, but he's not in a position to be expecting 50% custody. This is something he has to negotiate with you - and he's in a weak position if he has not been primary caregiver. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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I have talked to a lawyer and since we both work, I really don't have much of a chance to fight him despite the fact that I plan everything related to the DCs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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What state do you live in? Document, document, seriously. Children living out of suitcases isn't good for the children, only for the selfish parent who won't make accommodations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:37 AM Flag
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Only occasionally seeing one parent isn't good for the children either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:34 AM Flag
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Oh yeah, time to lose your job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:39 AM Flag
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Never allow joint custody. You want full custody. BTDT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:37 AM Flag
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Why does he want to leave? FWIW, I think this is a fragile time in a marriage--couples are emerging from the "fog" of parenting young children and are trying to reconnect with each other and to "reinvent" themselves now that the kids are older and more independent. If your DH refuses to work on it, go to a therapist on your own and see if eventually comes around. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:23 AM Flag
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You csn be sure he's got someone waiting in the wings [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:27 AM Flag
[ - ] Saks sent DW a $1000 gift card. I think she spent at least $15k there last year. WTF!?? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:53 AM Flag
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she could have gotten it thru her amex points or on double or triple points days at saks. relax. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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Go buy yourself a suit man! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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I'd have to see how $15k is measured against HHI. We spend money in different places, but probably adds up to 15k or more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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Where did she find time to do all that shopping? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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i've spent that at some stores. never get shit except some lame ass christmas ornament. hmmmphf! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:56 AM Flag
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Maybe it was the diamond crusted boxer briefs she gave you for Valentine's Day [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:57 AM Flag
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can't beat the comfiness [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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Did she charge the cost of the gift card to you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:12 AM Flag
[ - ] My sister has had made bad choices her entire life. At this point, she is 62, relatively little in savings and her DH is under indictment for tax evasion and is being sued by a boat load of people. I said, she needs to get a job (right now, she has one of these phony jobs -- puts her stuff on pinterest, etc). She thinks she can sue him for divorce and get a lot of money. I told her she is dreaming, the IRS, the SEC, etc will be in front of her. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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sorry, double post, but what can I say to her. I do not want to support her, and I dont want my mom spending her little money on this leach. I have suggested she go to a local law school and see if they have a clinic to help with divorces, and they will laugh at her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:51 AM Flag
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Why would they laugh at her?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:56 AM Flag
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Because no one is going to be able to get any assets from him, other than the SEC or the IRS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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You win for most screwed over sister! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:51 AM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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Screwed over? She has been married to this guy for 9 years. She had until she was 50 to save up, and she didnt. She has no kids. She broker up with her first husband after 8 years. She made her own life. His attorney said to her, you need your own attorney, BUT please stay married for 10 years, so at least you get social security. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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So this has always been a problem in your opinion. Why didn't you just say: my sister is a total screw up, past present and future. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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Did you read the first sentence I wrote? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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Yes, sorry, just re-read. I was focusing on the present problems, which in my opinion are the real issues. Most people don't get themselves into these predicaments even if they are not able to save throughout life. I mean, I don't know many people who are under indictment for tax evasion at that age, and I know a lot of Boomers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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Yes. At least that. Sucky siblings guilt trip their parents and siblings [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:31 AM Flag
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She needs to talk to a lawyer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:52 AM Flag
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She cannot afford the one she wants, she says a barracuda can get money out of him. He clearly wants to keep whatever money he has for his legal defense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:05 AM Flag
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she's 62, the employers of the world are not going to be raring to hire her. Does she want to divorce her dh or stand by him?Either way they are going to be broke. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:57 AM Flag
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She can get a retail job. She does not understand that at best, he will spend every dime he has to avoid jail. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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how are old are you that you have a sister that is 62? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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54. We have a brother in between who barely talks to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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He has separated himself from her. He will expect you and your mom to help her. Forget sny inheritancr from your mom. Your sister will end up moving in with her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:33 AM Flag
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Ugh. Get her section 8 housing. She will try to move in with you. Suck you dry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:28 AM Flag
[ - ] Tipsy mom here. Ask me anything!! I'm totally tipsy enough to be brutally honest!! 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:47 AM Flag
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Anyone? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:54 AM Flag
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You stink [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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poison of choice? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:57 AM Flag
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Beer beer beer....klassy lassy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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tipsy on beer. how many? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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3 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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Fully leaded beer, non of that lite crap!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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i don't drink but isn't that kind of light weight, especially for an alchie? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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I'm breastfeeding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:26 AM Flag
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Are you an alcoholic? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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height/weight? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:22 AM Flag
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5'6 136. Im still breastfeeding my 5 mo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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Am I ugly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:24 AM Flag
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I am plain, but old looking for 36 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:25 AM Flag
[ - ] Miso horny soup 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:32 AM Flag
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It's actually really good for your system, maybe even more than chicken noodle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:33 AM Flag
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Fermented soybean is miracle food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:37 AM Flag
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wham bam thank you lamb [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:37 AM Flag
[ - ] What are Epsom salts good for? Why do people put them in baths. Do they smell good? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:27 AM Flag
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It helps reduce swelling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:28 AM Flag
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i think that's just old wives' tale. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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They don't smell [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:28 AM Flag
[ - ] Reposting from earlier today. Looking for some BTDT or been there, thought about it. IF THIS IS NOT YOU THEN DON'T RESPOND. DH and I are in our mid 40's and have been married over 15 years and have 3DC. I love him as a life partner, but have zero attraction to him now. I want to have sex, but not with him. I don't want to lie and sneak around. Do any of you have some sort of open marriage? Have any of you thought about it or discussed it with DH? Have any of you thought about it and just kept it to yourself? Please tell me how you've navigated this if you've had similar feelings. I know this sounds trolly, but it's not. And who else can I ask? 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:26 AM Flag
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^^ Original Conversation: http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55404434. Just looking for more BTDT's [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:28 AM Flag
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I'm 51 and have been married for 25 years. I've certainly had thoughts, which I think is natural. Not worth it, in my personal opinion, to act upon it. Too much invested in my family life to take that risk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:30 AM Flag
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OP: Btw, there is no other man. I just want to get it out in the open. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:36 AM Flag
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Have you talked to your DH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:38 AM Flag
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OP: No, I haven't. I've been feeling this way for a long long time. I feel like I'm too young (mid 40's) to never feel intimacy again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:40 AM Flag
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Well, talk to him, Sound him out. Lying sucks. NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:41 AM Flag
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OP: Yes. What I'm lying about now is all the reasons I "can't have sex tonight." I really can't bring myself to be with him that way. I can't "make" myself do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:47 AM Flag
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Well, that's a different story. But going back to your original point, whatever both people in a couple agree to is OK by me. I'd gently broach it (knowing he too is free to seek other partners) and be willing to relinquish the idea if DH could not tolerate it. Nothing is worse than lying, IMO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:52 AM Flag
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YW. That said, I'm not sure this is going to work. If you were devoted to each other but simply wanted from sexual gratification outside of marriage that could never interfere with your bond, it's one thing. But if your dh devalues you, that's a whole different story. You need to get that worked out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:56 AM Flag
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If it makes you feel better (or not), these things really peeked when I was in my 40s. I think it was sort of biological (last hoorah kind of stuff). Not that I don't feel certain things now, but it is not as intense. I was very depressed for a few years and ended up drinking too much. I wish I had found other focus. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:42 AM Flag
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OP: How old are you both now, and are you happier together? Assuming financials wasn't a consideration, do you prefer to be with him, or would you prefer to be without him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:45 AM Flag
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See my response to your post immediately below. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:47 AM Flag
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OP: Have you found ways to bring back intimacy? I'm not talking about those early honeymoon feelings. I mean the way you felt when you were still in love, maybe a few years after marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:38 AM Flag
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Marriage changes. I love DH differently now. There is intimancy, but it is not romantic. We've been joined at the hip for a long time. If something happens to him, or if he dies before me, I'll be devastated...but because he is my best friend. The lover part is gone, really. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:46 AM Flag
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OP: I understand. I'm not sure if he's my best friend anymore. I think that's part of the problem. I've felt dismissed and under-appreciated for too long now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:48 AM Flag
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Well, that's a difference story, and definitely a disconnect, IMO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:51 AM Flag
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this is me, except 2 kids and married 12. i think about it all the time. but until an extramarital partner presents himself, i don't see a reason to rock the boat. i'm not actively seeking. who do you think you'll have sex with? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:32 AM Flag
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OP: I don't have anything in mind. I just feel like calling a rose a rose and being true to how I feel. And to be honest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:37 AM Flag
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I have considered it and went on AM. In the end I just felt like it was a big potlatch for using each other. It just wasn't worth it, I felt like they would take anyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:34 AM Flag
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OP: Have you found ways to bring back intimacy? I'm not talking about those early honeymoon feelings. I mean the way you felt when you were still in love, maybe a few years after marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:39 AM Flag
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It's not the same, and I am sad about that. The feelings are there sometimes. Sometimes the attraction to other men is there. I walked a fine line for many years, then slowly began to see all these men wanted was just to use me. One had a pregnant wife. It just - the experience seems so cheap, the cheapness kind of outweighs the lust factor once you're in that world for a while. I assume there are people who can do it, but I am a very emotional person and can't. I mostly cannot deal with the guilt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:47 AM Flag
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OP: Have you found ways to be happy in your marriage otherwise? I understand what you're saying, and I'm definitely one of the posters who says things like, "all men want is sex," so I understand the cheap part too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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"All in one, you find none." he is a wonderful, loving father. He works hard. He does chores. Yes he annoys the fuck out of me a good lot of the time. Yes I feel ignored and unappreciated. But he also puts up with me. I feel like as time goes by...we watch friends struggle with illness, parents become sick and die, our children have challenges...I really cannot see facing these challenges with anyone other than him, RIGHT NOW. it may not be forever, but right now we need to be a team. Everyone has baggage. There's no reason to believe some magical person will come along and be my soul mate. And I do take care of myself. I work, I contribute, I work out (because he watches the kids when I do). I go to therapy, see girlfriends. I'm bored a lot of the time. But I don't want to be used. I am too sensitive for that world! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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This is really helpful. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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It sounds like you're looking for permission to do this and want to hear stories of it working out. But everyone is telling you not to do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:41 AM Flag
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OP: I know. I'm trying to see if there is a middle ground that is an honest one without lies. I'm not asking for permission, because if I do, I'll be asking and telling DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:44 AM Flag
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OP: I should mention that the reason I'm having these thoughts is that he wants to have sex. And I do, but not with him. I've lost the feelings I once had for him, mostly because of how he has taken me for granted, been dismissive of my opinions, and not appreciated all that I do for the family. He's not mean or abusive, but I've just lost any feelings for him in that way. Yet he's a wonderful life partner and father. And we have fun together too. It's very hard to explain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:42 AM Flag
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^^ I feel like I'm running out of excuses and I should just tell him what's going on in my mind. We have gone to couples therapy in the past, and it wasn't helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:43 AM Flag
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You are looking to get a reaction out of him, is what it sounds like. Why not do something nice for yourself other than an affair? I am not being facetious (I am the AM mom from above). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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Ok stop right there. You're not looking for sex. You're looking for a connection. That right there is your reason NOT to stray. Men can have sex w/out a connection. You will get hurt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:49 AM Flag
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OP: I understand. Does this sound like "find a way to be happy" or does it sound like "you're headed for divorce." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:51 AM Flag
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No, you're totally normal!!!! We all have these fantasies! Why do you think all these women in their 40's love "50 Shades of Grey"? Lolol. Just let it ride. You don't have to act on it. I found even the emotional affairs became such a drag!!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:56 AM Flag
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We've all been there. From the threads I've read here, the women who act on it go from feeling inebriated/thrilled to lousy in a very short span of time. Those who don't just post in a very dissociated, stoic manner. "Any questions"? Etc. I'm just saying - for me- it didn't solve anything and was a huge time and energy suck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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Op: You're all so centered and kind. I'm almost feeling guilty now even though I haven't done anything, lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:05 AM Flag
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Get over it. Welcome to humanity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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Thiiiiis [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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Thiiiis what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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I am in a similar situation. I think one thing that complicates this is guilt about having to lie to him about why you don't want sex. I think that you owe it to him to be honest (at least at some point soon)- tell him all: you value the partnership so much and want to stay in it but you are torn about your loss of attraction to him. Then you give him the freedom to make an informed choice on whether to stay or not. And if he stays, you will be relieved of this awful secret, which alone may make you feel closer to him. There are so many advantages to keeping a partnership sans sexual attraction - it just needs to be clear to both people (and it is not written in stone that you attraction is gone for good) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:56 AM Flag
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OP: You've all been very helpful and frank and supportive. I really appreciate this. I have to go, but really really appreciate this. And for not flaming me and just helping me think about this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:52 AM Flag
[ - ] Lower Westchester wohm's who commute to midtown, how do you find your commute overall? We're thinking of LarchmontI know the area is generally the best among commutes, but is it still hard overall to manage or not really? Two DC's in late elementary, and dh and I work in Manhattan. We don't want a FT nanny. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:26 AM Flag
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I dont know anyone who manages this without a nanny or aupair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:29 AM Flag
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What do you want? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:46 AM Flag
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To know how it is. We will do after school sitter and/or activities at school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:34 AM Flag
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I think Scarsdale, Broxville, offer better commute. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:00 AM Flag
[ - ] Wdyt? Met a guy online who seems great so far. Divorced with 2 young dc. In his profile he said he wants to marry again and that his new dw will be a parent not a friend to his dc. I had the world's worst stepmother and feel pretty informed on how not to be. I'm very close with my mom and saw what she went through too re the stepmother. But I'm childless so am looking for your thoughts and advice if this thing escalates further. We're both early 40's. 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:25 AM Flag
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I think you play it by ear. But he sounds a bit like a dictator, although maybe that's just how you re-worded it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:29 AM Flag
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It's my rewording. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:42 AM Flag
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So, does that mean he wants a babysitter/housekeeper? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:30 AM Flag
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I honestly don't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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I KNOW. As soon as ex-wife knows you'll be the dcs "mother" they will be dumped on you in a New York minute. You won't be the stepmother, you'll be the mother. BTDT. If you want your own children, ask now. But since I was the stepmother in the situation from hell, my advice is to RUN. That he is putting in his profile that he wants to marry again and is looking for a mother for his kids is a huge red flag! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:37 AM Flag
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Ok thank you. I hear you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:45 AM Flag
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What happened in your situation? Give us the run down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:50 AM Flag
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His wife may try to cruxify you. She may succeed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:30 AM Flag
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^^^oops, ex-wife, the real mother of the child [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:33 AM Flag
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Why do you say that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:37 AM Flag
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Because the mother likely does not want to be replaced. You can divorce a spouse, you dont get to get rid of them as a parent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:44 AM Flag
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I totally get that and have experienced (as a child) what it's like when the sm tries to box out the mother. That's something I wouldn't go near. I guess the question is whether you can really coexist peacefully with the exdw. Listen, I have my own reservations about any man who gets divorced. I'm still not sure how I really feel about it. Without hearing her side who knows why they split up. I like being single and don't have delusions about men at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:47 AM Flag
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Wtf. Moron [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:37 AM Flag
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I think you are overanalyzing. 1) what does "met" mean? In person? Because why are you still mining data from his profile? You might never hear from this dude again. Online dating bites. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:35 AM Flag
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Idk why I thought it was relevant to say where I found him, guess it isn't. I think people reveal more than they intend to when they write -- plus his profile was pretty informative. I don't have casual sex so things are going to escalate sooner than later, if they are, which it seems like they will be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:40 AM Flag
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but have you even met him? maybe you are getting ahead of yourself here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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Yes! We've been seeing each other for a while. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:53 AM Flag
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Take things slowly and don't rush it. It's one thing to get along well with him and even marry him, it's an entirely different matter to take on his kids and their mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:40 AM Flag
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Totally get that. I'm just seeking advice in that department. Whether for this guy it the next bc they all seem divorced with kids. I'm not seeing anyone but him at the moment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:44 AM Flag
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If you love him go for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:52 AM Flag
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See, maybe I've been to too many rodeos but I don't think that's enough. Am I wrong? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:54 AM Flag
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NP: Compatibility is as important as love imo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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He wants someone to care and be present for his kids as much as he is? It's good that he puts that out there, and it's great he knows what he wants. Not for me, but his expectations are made clear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:42 AM Flag
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I am a divorced mom, if he EVER told my DC that she will get a new parent, I would make it clear that is not the case. In NY, the courts will give ROFR for the asking, so it is relatively easy if dad not home, to stop kids from going other to be with their purported new parent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:46 AM Flag
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I hear you. I was disturbed as a kid by my father beating us for joy calling the sm "mom". My feeling has always been if I ever married a man with kids I would present to them as a supportive adult presence and be very careful about presenting as a parent. But he did specifically use the word parent. That's why I'm asking the collective in wisdom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:51 AM Flag
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*not calling * collective UB wisdom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:52 AM Flag
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Red flag. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:52 AM Flag
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OP here and this is my instinct too but I'm not sure if it's because of my personal traumatic history. They have a mom! He didn't say "you be their new mom" but that parent word stuck in my craw. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:56 AM Flag
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OP if I still have your attention (thank you for the responses) what is the ideal way for me to handle this from the viewpoint of the exdw? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:57 AM Flag
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You're thinking too far ahead. No point doing this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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Yeah maybe. That's how I am. I know he really likes me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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Just curious: would you want to have kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:26 AM Flag
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No. I'm too old anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:42 AM Flag
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^^ assume you're asking if I want to birth children. I'm not opposed to existing kids. Though I have zero delusions about them. Hardest work in the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:44 AM Flag
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Screw him. He needs to find someone to love not to parent his kids. They already have a mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:44 AM Flag
[ - ] Shoshanna Lonstein got melons 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:25 AM Flag
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Tory Burch is so pretty [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:26 AM Flag
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Yuck. Too thin too blonde. She's getting old and needs some meat on her bones. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:36 AM Flag
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sure does. years ago i was a salesgirl at a boutique she shopped at when she was an UES high schooler. one time she tried on a dress, came out of the fitting room and all i thought was: her cleavage looks like my ass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:35 AM Flag
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She used to. She doesn't really anymore. I think she had a breast reduction done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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huge boobs, tiny waist and hips. a guy's girl. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:51 AM Flag
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And the pope wears a funny hat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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Looking back at pics of her with Seinfeld he looks like a total pedo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:02 AM Flag
[ - ] Crazy idea? Sahm with JD who hasn't worked in 15 years. I live near the trader joe's headquarters in CA. I want to get a job in the store so that I can eventually work in the corporate office. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:25 AM Flag
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Sounds like a a plan, but why are you selling yourself short? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:27 AM Flag
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I tried getting regular jobs two years ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:28 AM Flag
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I just don't think that a check-out job or greeter or stock person is the right position for you. If I was the employer, I'd at least put you in an admin position. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:31 AM Flag
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Thanks! But it's rough out there when you haven't worked in ages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:37 AM Flag
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Keep it in perspective, even when I was a recent college graduate, employers took that into account. When I was about to graduate art school, Kinkos hired me as a manager and bookkeeper. I know that's laughable to some people, but it really was a back office job compared to the machine operators and cashiers. I was able to move up (not at Kinkos, but at other places) because of this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:40 AM Flag
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Right but now I'm competing with college grads [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:47 AM Flag
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I'm sorry. I think you can make it up in personality. I know that sounds corny but sometimes if you're likeable, it makes all the difference. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:49 AM Flag
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Yes, if I could apply in person that would be great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:51 AM Flag
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Not crazy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:29 AM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:38 AM Flag
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Zzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:37 AM Flag
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What [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:38 AM Flag
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I just freaked out a little, bc you are me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:40 AM Flag
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Lol. Sorry. I'm starting to panic. Like what the hell am I going to do with myself when my kids are in college and high school in 5 years?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:43 AM Flag
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I know! We used to live down the black from a TJ's in CA and now that we moved out east, we happen to have a TJ's around the corner. If that's not a sign I don't know what is. :-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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Try to confirm that this has ever happened, from cashier to HQ. I had the same thought 20 yrs ago with Williams Sonoma and I assure you that store is filled with employees wanting to work at cop orate. I think you are better off finding corporate employees to network with and get in that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:46 AM Flag
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True. But the part time retail hours work for me right now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:48 AM Flag
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My aunt started working at a TJ's store when she was in her 40's. She absolutely loves it and is a manager now (didn't take too long to get promoted). She makes really good money and they have great benefits. I know you can easily move between stores anywhere in the US. Not sure about moving to corporate but you could try working there for awhile and if you don't think it's possible, you can quit. At least it could serve as a decent place to work while you look for another job. Crazy hours though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:19 AM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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A former coworker got a job at a TJ's store and LOVES it. I think she's done with the corporate office jobs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:07 AM Flag
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Wow. But being on her feet all day can't be easy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:01 AM Flag
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sounds good [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:02 AM Flag
[ - ] So Anderson announced today that they do not have any openings for 7th grade!! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.28.15, 01:22 AM Flag
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How can that be? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:23 AM Flag
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Somebody posted that before. They are getting rid of the bubble class, rearranging current three 6th grade classes into two 7th grade classes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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Did sixth acceptances go out? Usually more in 7th. Wonder if that just means kids didn't get into Hunter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:27 AM Flag
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Perish the thought. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 01:29 AM Flag
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Why would anyone want their school for 7th grade anyway? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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