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[ - ] Are there any state-wide or national standardized tests that kids in private schools must take? And if so, when do they take them? TIA 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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No test at all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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Private school kids take the SAT and kick the ass of most public school kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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With tutoring of course. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:52 AM Flag
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ERB ctp4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:35 AM Flag
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this. starting in third grade at my kids nyc private school they start taking the ctp4. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:40 AM Flag
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Private school kids take the CTP tests, which are one of the ERB's tests. The grade when they begin taking them varies by school, but usually by 5th they've taken them at least once. Some schools go on giving them annually, while others only test every couple of years or so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:48 AM Flag
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CTP-4. Results are ranked against national and suburban norms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:11 AM Flag
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^from 2-8th in my dc's school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:11 AM Flag
[ - ] Stupid question from a non-mom: If you give birth via C-section, do you still bleed profusely after the birth? 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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I did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:33 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:33 AM Flag
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np: interesting. i am glad to know this. I wouldn't have thought so, so I'm glad for the heads up so that I'm not shocked when it happens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:35 AM Flag
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OP: +1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:45 AM Flag
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I had no idea. but yes. count on 3 weeks. Not profuse but bleeding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:01 AM Flag
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YEP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:36 AM Flag
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I did. Scary because I didn't expect it, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:38 AM Flag
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I didn't. I guess everyone is different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:39 AM Flag
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+1. I didn't bleed any heavier than a normal period, and I had stocked up on all of these massive overnight pads... but then I also had an emergency C at 37 weeks (never actually went into labor) so not sure if that had anything to do with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:54 AM Flag
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Is exactly the same. Body nearly doubles blood volume during pregnancy so still need to get back to normal. Bleeding after birth isn't from the delivery itself (unless something did not go as planned) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:40 AM Flag
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I only bled for two days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:41 AM Flag
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Yes, the fluid had to go somewhere. I think they suction blood out during the c-section but I think most of it is due to the cut/opening. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:45 AM Flag
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OP: Thanks, that's what I couldn't figure out logically. I knew about the thickening of the blood lining, but I didn't know if you bled it out naturally after a c-section or if they somehow bled it out for you. But that brings me to a new question- they cut you open while you're awake?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:49 AM Flag
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For me, yes. Local anesthetic from the waist down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:51 AM Flag
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Op: Yowza! Suddenly being a fur mom and a nice aunt doesn't seem like a terrible option... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:56 AM Flag
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NP: The actual C section itself is relatively painless and easy - a prick of the needle when you get the spinal, and some pressure/slight tugging sensation when they take the baby out. It's the aftermath that totally sucks! Feels like you did 20,000 situps the day before. And the first time you get up to walk, it's the worst pain ever. I had a VBAC with #2 (with an epidural) and while the birth itself was more pain and "work", the recovery was so much easier! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:13 AM Flag
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OP: In normal cases (not when you have to have an emergency c), do they give you the option to do a VB or a CS, or do the drs tend to default to Vb? By the way, thank you all for answering my inane questions! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:18 AM Flag
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Not inane! None of this was on my radar at all, even when I was pregnant... I had a "birth plan" (lol!) and never guessed I'd end up having a C section! Better to know and be prepared! Actually, it's more common for doctors to default to a second C... many times you have to advocate or request it. Whether or not a VBac is encouraged or allowed depends on many things: the reason for having the first C section (i.e. was it something unique to that one pregnancy?), the age of the mother (though I was 40 with #2!), how far past your due date you go (because they don't like to induce after you've already had one C - if you go late, they'll sometimes default to another C to be "safe"), and the length of recovery time between births (ideally 2+ years, but at least 18 months). My doctor was awesome and totally encouraged it (I had had an emergency C that was totally situational, not physiological). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:28 AM Flag
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Oh sorry - I thought you were talking about VBACs (second pregnancy), not births in general! I believe the default is vaginal birth unless you request otherwise! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:31 AM Flag
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Yes. You are fully awake normally but they numb you and put a curtain up so you can't watch. You feel a tugging sensation but that's all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:54 AM Flag
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Ps happy to answer any c/s qs you have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:55 AM Flag
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OP: Thank you! I guess the reason they keep you awake is so that you can do that skin to skin bonding right after, right? How long does the actual c/s take? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:58 AM Flag
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NP: For me, it honestly felt like just a matter of minutes after being anesthetized and entering the OR. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:06 AM Flag
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OP: Hmm.. Interesting. Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:21 AM Flag
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NP: Yup! You get a spinal anesthesia (can't feel a thing from the chest down), and a sheet is put up in front of your abdomen so you can't see what's going on. But otherwise, you're very present and alert. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:56 AM Flag
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OP: Is DH positioned in such a way that he can see what's going on, or is he up at the head of the bed with you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:59 AM Flag
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He's up at the head of the bed. But my DH has the total gross-out sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy and kept trying to peek... claims he saw my intestines being moved around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:04 AM Flag
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Op: Lol! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:09 AM Flag
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Yep,you are awake but you feel nothing below the waist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:03 AM Flag
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OP: Do you have a big scar, or are they pretty good with doing it subtly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:09 AM Flag
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NP: Mine is a tiny horizontal whitish line just below the area where a low-cut bikini waistband sits. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:16 AM Flag
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OP: Oh, that's not bad at all! idk why I always assumed it would be a large, noticeable scar [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:21 AM Flag
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np: mine is not noticeable. and i was up and walking the next day with only a little soreness. don't believe all the hype. my failed induction and unproductive labor (pushing) was much more painful than the c. next time i am going straight to the c, fuck natural birth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:14 AM Flag
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I did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:52 AM Flag
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Let me guess, you watched odd mom out just now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:53 AM Flag
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Op: Lol, yes, I did. Although she didn't give birth via C, it got me thinking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:55 AM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:01 AM Flag
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Yes, but it's not as scary overall because it's not at the site of the incision as it is when following an episiotomy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:06 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:12 AM Flag
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everyone does, even vaginal births. it comes from your uterus where the placenta is detached. incidentally, the detachment of the placenta is what triggers lactation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:12 AM Flag
[ - ] Illegal immigrant murdered Jewish film star Adrienne Shelly (born Adrienne Levine) She was murdered in her West Village apartment 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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In a shocking turn of events, her husband is now publishing a blog calling for more illegal immigration and lampooning politicians that want to reduce the flow of illegal immigrants to NYC http://www.ostroyreport.com/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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What?? But she was killed by an illegal Ecuadorean [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:34 AM Flag
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That is the ironic part. The illegal Ecuadorean murdered his wife, and he loved his wife very much. But he doesn't generalize his own experience to Manhattan as a whole. Even though illegal immigration led to the death of his wife he is in favor of more of it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:36 AM Flag
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I don't know if he love her that much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:04 AM Flag
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Yes, he's a smart man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:46 AM Flag
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Her movie was called "Waitress" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTHznuN-DOI [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:37 AM Flag
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i remember when this happened. didn't she live at 2 horatio? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:41 AM Flag
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So sad. shook the whole West Village [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:43 AM Flag
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she had a daughter, who would be in middle school about now, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:49 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:52 AM Flag
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Didn't really have anything to do with her being Jewish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:54 AM Flag
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The murder didn't really have anything to do with him being an illegal immigrant. Could have just as easily been an angry white midwesterner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:55 AM Flag
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But it wasn't. And not nearly as likely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:59 AM Flag
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This just happened in San Francisco. It's so disturbing. Illegal shot a random 32 yo woman walking down the street with her dad. Happened in a popular part of town with both locals and tourists. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:00 AM Flag
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This after he was in the city jail and the Sheriff refused to honor a hold request by ICE for him because SF is a Sanctuary City. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:03 AM Flag
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Very upsetting. San Francisco is a sanctuary city, which means that illegal immigrants that commit crimes are set free. San Francisco will not allow the Feds to deport criminal illegals [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:08 AM Flag
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I know, so ridiculous. They should just shoot the guy and get him off the streets for good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:23 AM Flag
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She's a friend of a friend. Apparently a really lovely person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:33 AM Flag
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You're right but they shouldn't be here anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:13 AM Flag
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The whole "sanctuary city" thing seems insane to me. Cities are openly violating federal law on behalf of illegals? What in the hell??? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:07 AM Flag
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I agree it is insane. But we live in insane times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:09 AM Flag
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I don't like the sanctuary city policy, but it's not illegal. It would be illegal if the city was barring ICE from doing raids or something, but it is legal for the city to not honor the Feds' requests. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:48 AM Flag
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So many children are killed by drunk drivers, but illegal aliens that drive drunk are just set free. How many more children have to die?> http://freedomoutpost.com/2015/02/outrage-border-patrol-ordered-release-illegal-alien-drunk-drivers-allow-go-way/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:10 AM Flag
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[ - ] 9 weeks pg and spotting red. I need to look at something very comforting and cute right now, like a baby chick. Any websites to recommend? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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psst. google "baby animals" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:26 AM Flag
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OP: Wow... this is the best Google query ever! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:28 AM Flag
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yes. i'm partial to baby seals and lambs. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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Richard Scarry books. Their characters are so sturdy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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OP: YES THANK YOU. And a paper book will keep me from googling. Thanks all and signing off to read Scarry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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puppy videos [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:28 AM Flag
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cuteoverload.com [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:05 AM Flag
[ - ] Moms who had fist db after 35, how long did you wait until having another? I have a number of frozen embryos that I can use (ironically, I got pregnant with db naturally) so I feel like I have a little bit of tim, but not much. I'm 39. Would like to enjoy some alone time with the baby we have before everything becomes a blur. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:24 AM Flag
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Had first DC by emergency C Section at 40. Started trying again at the six months post surgery mark, when Dr. said we could. Even if it had been immediate, we would have had over a year with DC1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:26 AM Flag
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How old is DB? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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13 months [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:31 AM Flag
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#1 was 2 weeks before 38 and #2 was 39+10 mos. I mint have waited slightly longer if I was using frozen embryos, but glad I didn't . Several years later, timing and spacing is perfect for us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:28 AM Flag
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I would get the ball rolling ASAP. Pregnancy takes a toll. It's hard to know if my third was caused more damage because he was the third or because I was older, but definitely did more lasting damage...can see veins in my legs now, stomach most definitely did not bounce back... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:33 AM Flag
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How old were you? I'm 36 expecting #3 and feeling worse this time around [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:39 AM Flag
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I was 31, 33, and 36. The last one ended up being incredibly scary delivery in addition to those other things I mentioned. I was still violently ill the entire time, but not as sick as with the first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:08 AM Flag
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I think stomach not bouncing back is normal. I had #3 at 31 and while I am thin, my stomach is doughy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:53 AM Flag
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35 and 37 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:42 AM Flag
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35 and 38, 3.5 years apart, love the age gap. Had mc about 5 mo before last pregnancy which made me nervous about my age but everything turned out fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:49 AM Flag
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37 and 43 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:01 AM Flag
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36 and 40 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:58 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have any experience with Saint Alban's School on E 50th for preschool? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:22 AM Flag
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Watching this... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:45 AM Flag
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Guy in my firm's kids went there- he said it's very low-key and claims going to such an under-the-radar school got his kids more attention for K. Well, his kids go to Chapin so who am I to counter him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:10 AM Flag
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Yes! DC is a current student - we love it! Very warm and nurturing. International student body - many UN families. Do you have specific questions? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:11 AM Flag
[ - ] did we talk about Tom Cruise leaving Scientology? http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/news/a36209/tom-cruise-leaving-scientology/ 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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omg. no way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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The slant of the article is hilarious. Summary: "Scientology has taken away everything he loved! Nicole! Katie! Now they're going to take away Suri and he can't handle it!" -- Cruise has amazing PR, that's all I can say. No mention of the delusions... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:23 AM Flag
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huh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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Highly unlikely [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:23 AM Flag
[ - ] Name poll: Emily or Amelia? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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Emily [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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Amantha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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i love them both, but emily was ultra popular 10-15 years ago, i'd worry dd would be mistaken for older than she is (like young linda/patricia/pamelas are today) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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Emily is nice and the fact that it isn't as popular right now is good imo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:49 AM Flag
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Amalia [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:42 AM Flag
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Awful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:55 AM Flag
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Amelie [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:55 AM Flag
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Emily [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:00 AM Flag
[ - ] I missed my period (it's been ten days) but a pregnancy test is negative. 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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menopause [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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OP. I am 30. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:31 AM Flag
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summer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:18 AM Flag
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the moon [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:19 AM Flag
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OP. Maybe. Last week there was a full moon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:34 AM Flag
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stress? same thing happened to me a few weeks after i was mugged... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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:( hope you are ok [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:24 AM Flag
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thanks i'm fine. it was a while ago. actually the stress reset me - my cycle had been irregular and frustrating for years before then and it was like clockwork after [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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OP. Wow, sorry! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:31 AM Flag
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Mercury in retrograde [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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I don't think it is still in retrograde [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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Can you explain my boyfriend's shifty behavior then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:36 AM Flag
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OP. Is there a correlation? I wish I were fluent in astrology. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:35 AM Flag
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omfg [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:42 AM Flag
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OP. Or in sarcasm. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:51 AM Flag
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40s? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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Are you a Taurus perhaps? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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Has happened to me three times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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Have you flown a lot recently? When I was flying weekly for work, I missed an entire cycle. Gyn said that was not uncommon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:31 AM Flag
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Hmm, I did fly across the country a few weeks ago. Interesting! OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:21 AM Flag
[ - ] A friend of ours just hosted us at their club for the entire day. They were super nice and gracious. How can I say thank you? Would a gift basket seem odd? Should we offer to take them out for dinner or something? Just want to do the right thing. Thanks. 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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Trying to give you a good response. Define "hosted" and "us". When we were members at a country club, that could mean: golf + snack bar for kids by the pool + overpriced underwhelming dinner inside. Sounds like you do not have a reciprocal venue. Bare minimum is have them over to your house for dinner. Do you have access to premium tix for Yankees game where men and DCs could attend? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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Hosted means lunch sandwiches by the pool and a nice dinner buffet with drinks at night. I do not have a club membership myself where we can host them. Do not have access to any game tickets either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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ok then -- are you closer to her or DH is closer to him? Because if the relationship came from the men, I would suggest DH take the host husband out for golf and you arrange a fun playmate for DCs so the mom has time off. Fun for everyone! Except you... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:19 AM Flag
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fun "playdate" (not playmate -- no porn suggested) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:19 AM Flag
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I am friends with the mom. Should I give her like a spa certificate or perfume set? DH does not golf. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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Yes that's nice! Totally good gift. Spa certificate is always welcome. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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That is a bizarre thing to do for them hosting for a day. Have them over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:40 AM Flag
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OTT and bordering on obsequious. Just reciprocate with an invitation to your home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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ITA. Don't act like you don't deserve it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:51 AM Flag
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For the men? Wtf? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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Yes -- if the relationship sprang from the men's friendship -- the man did a nice thing for OP's family; the reciprocal should be for the man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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What made you think that was the case? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:24 AM Flag
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Did you read the word IF? Guess not. You can't read. When you go to a restaurant, do you order the specials? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:28 AM Flag
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But you didn't say IF in your initial post. You just jumped to te men going to baseball and then thought perfume for the woman. It's like you're from 1950. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:41 AM Flag
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This . 1950 or outer space. Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:49 AM Flag
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OMG. Overkill. I would never want more than a thank you and maybe take me out to coffee for this. Maybe if dinner was really expensive, a reciprocal dinner sometime, but honestly -- if I invite you it's because I like your company. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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This! Have them over for dinner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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Or take them out to a nice dinner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:47 AM Flag
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Agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:01 AM Flag
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NP- This. We belong to a pool & tennis club, and that type of day wouldn't be crazy expensive, if you did some of the above suggestions I'd then feel that we'd owe you something too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:42 AM Flag
[ - ] Tarot mom are you here? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:10 AM Flag
[ - ] Funny Kennedy fact - the brothers John F. and Robert would often refer to the effeminate and slightly-built black author/activist James Baldwin as "Martin Luther Queen," and would sometimes giggle while doing so. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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I saw James Baldwin. He is one of the great Americans of the 20th century. He asked questions we are still answering. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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"What you say about anyone else, it means you." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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He was kind of a goofy guy because he tried to act "hard" (or to do some Malcolm X-style "mau-mauing" as it was called back then), but he was just so fey and queeny that he became more known for that than for his actual writings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:22 AM Flag
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Lol, I have heard no one on earth, other than you, suggest that james Baldwin is more well known for being a queen than for being one of the countries greatest writers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:51 AM Flag
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Are you kidding? Look at Mad Magazine issues from back then. They literally ran a comic strip showing him as a woman named "Jane" who taped down "her" boobs and shaved "her" hair in order to create a new media persona. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:55 AM Flag
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Being lampooned in mad magazine decades ago doesn't make Baldwin less of a prolific writer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:05 PM Flag
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+100000000. So delusional [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:06 AM Flag
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"mau mauing" - ugh, please lose that term. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:08 AM Flag
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He was a great man. Watch the Youtube video. He's talking to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:06 AM Flag
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What you have to remember is that he was a wealthy socialite who never faced many real hardships in life, and most of his racial agitation stuff was a fundraising act. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:14 AM Flag
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James Baldwin was not a wealthy socialite. He was born in Harlem and the man who assumed the position of his father was a Baptist minister. Baldwin himself preached at a young age. He graduated from DeWitt Clinton High School and, to my knowledge, never attended college. Attending his funeral was one of the great honors of my life. I am privileged to have heard him in his lifetime. Watch the YouTube videos. He is eloquent. Read A Stranger in the Village. Please choose another venue for your hatred and ignorance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 AM Flag
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^^^ Baldwin was on the cover of Time Magazine. "There is not another writer," said Time, "who expresses with such poignancy and abrasiveness the dark realities of the racial ferment in North and South." Both Baldwin and Malcolm X are buried in the Ferndale cemetery in Hartsdale, N.Y.. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:50 AM Flag
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“People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 12:04 PM Flag
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That's why they're dead now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
[ - ] Any moms go through divorce in NY and deal with who pays what for college? In the final stages of negotiations with ex. He has said he will not pay for either DC's college. After googling same question, it seems to be a negotiable item subject to SUNY cap and relative income. Anyone with direct experience? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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Few judges will order it. I know I'll be paying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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No experience but everything is negotiable. Any cap would only come into play if you were seeking a court award. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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A shame he doesn't want to pay for your DC's college. No advice but I hope he does have to pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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This will come back to haunt him when his kids are saddled with loans or see you struggling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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Thanks. I'm not going to hide it anymore. I told both that I have to cut back on what I give them because Dad won't pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:22 AM Flag
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Cut back in general and don't pay for college. The can go to a public but it is not worth you going into poverty. My ex-BFs father left in private high school and they both went to college on loans. The mother is in poverty as is the sister and can't even fly to see to each other. Poverty together is nicer than poverty alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:14 AM Flag
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OP: thanks for responding. At least now I know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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Why wouldn't your dh want to pay for his children's college? This makes no sense to me. Doesn't he value education?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:04 AM Flag
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I am in my 50s and know so many folks from HS and college with dads who refused to provide a dime for their DCs' college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:10 AM Flag
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Does he have the money or not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:11 AM Flag
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OP here. Yes he values education, but he wants the $ for himself. I always supported him. He's 64 and has been self-employed as an artist (translation: followed his bliss/didn't earn $). And he assumes I'll go through all my savings to pay for college. It's playing chicken with our kids' education. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 12:05 PM Flag
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I filed for divorce recently and it's going to be difficult, but one thing that will not be a problem will be DC's college. It's a top priority for both of us. It's a shame that your ex won't pay. In your shoes, I'd try to get at least SUNY costs from him (or whatever fraction is warranted by your relative incomes). Then if your DC want more expensive colleges, at least you will have part of the costs. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:42 AM Flag
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Thanks. I'll report back once we sit down for settlement talks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 12:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone have a completely clueless DH? I work FT in a stressful job, while he stays at home, doing some part time degree. I just invited the family for a trip (no financial contribution from him, of course) and asked DH to put the kids to sleep. I only ask this of him once every mint or every other month. I was exhausted from cooking for DCs, taking them to playground etc after a full day of work. We have a lot of help. The whole bedtime was dramatic because he destroyed a puzzle that took DC and me over an hour to make. He then stormed off into his "home office" leaving 2 screaming kids in my bedroom. Wth?!? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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Dump him now. It will only get worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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Ha ha ha about the home office. Sorry OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:05 AM Flag
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You guys are obviously not on the same wavelength and probably have been checked out for some time. I'm guessing you expect so little if him and enae him so much that anything remotely grown up like makes him feel put upon. You made him a child. No real way to fix this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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He made himself a child by not getting a new job for the last 5 years. I used to take care of DCs by myself with a nanny and he never did anything. But I had to ramp up my career to provide a decent life for DCs. I would have preferred to sahm. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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So sorry. My DH is pretty bad but yours seems worse. If he brings nothing to the table (if not money than love and support and childcare) then leave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:20 AM Flag
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He is a mess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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HHI? What did he used to do and what did he earn? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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Get. Out. Now. I mean that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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I agree that you should consider divorcing him. But see a lawyer first, and make sure you won't be paying spousal maintenance for him. It would be best if he found a job. Also, document everything you do for and with DCs. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:44 AM Flag
[ - ] Dh and I hosted ds and 2 of his college friends a few weeks ago. We cooked for them, entertained, etc. I did not get a thank you note from either kid. I find it odd. Wdyt? 87 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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I think boys and men haven't been taught as well as females when it comes to writing think you notes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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At one point people have to stop using their upbringing as an excuse and start deploying good manners no matter how they were raised. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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Thank you. This. (Signed, mom of 2 ds) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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Agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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I did the same recently. I got a text -- amazed to get that. They don't think of it. The boy was part of DS's frat. I think that explained the social courtesy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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Ha! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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I would never expect a thank you note from a college kid. Were they courteous in your house? Did they thank you as they left? That would be fine for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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Np. Wow. I hope you teach your own dcs to write thank you notes. I absolutely expect this from anyone over the age of 12. (Younger than that, I'd expect the note from their parents) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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I wrote thank you notes in high school and college [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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+1 and I still write them now, lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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The old joke -- why don't Junior Leaguers have orgies? Too many thank you notes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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same. If I got one it would be a very pleasant surprise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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Same here, I would not expect a note at all. My kids write thank you notes for gift, especially if they were mailed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 12:00 PM Flag
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Was the invitation and all logistics communicated through DH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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Op. No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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I read that as DH's college friends. In any event, it would have been nice but I wouldn't think it's a problem for your son's buddies not to have sent s thank you notes for his bringing them Home for the weekend, so long as they were polite and said appropriate thank yous in person [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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You think a college age boy is going to send you a thank you note after he crashes at his friends place for a couple of days? Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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It was more than just "crashing." We took them out to dinner one night, and cooked them a fairly elaborate meal the second night. We also let them use our pool, etc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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Oh well if you let them use the pool.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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I mean that we went to a lot of trouble and gave them full use of the house. I would hope that a 22 year old adult would know to write a thank you note for this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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Let them use your pool? Do you think it would have been OK not to? Elaborate meal that you prepared was your choice, college kids are going to be oblivious to the effort that goes into sushi you prepare v order in [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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Wtf? You think her son's college friends are entitled to the pool?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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Of course they are. They are guest of her family. Should get son get to use the pool while they are visiting? Or no only on the second visit if they sent thank you notes the first time? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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Do you have a pool? Just curious [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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Wtf..? No, a guest is not "entitled" to anything. Jesus. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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Don't be silly. It would be exceedingly strange for her to tell her college age son that he is prohibited from using the pool when he has friends over. It would be absurd for her to tell him that he can use it hut his friends can't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:34 AM Flag
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I disagree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:36 AM Flag
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"You can have kids over but I'd rather if you guys not use the pool." It's not that weird. Especially if they are big drinkers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:36 AM Flag
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OP is not talking about preventing drunk kids from swimming. She is suggesting that a thank you note is doubly merited because she let them use the pool. Sounds more like she has no social graces and is standing completely on ceremony because she doesn't know how to respond otherwise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:39 AM Flag
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I don't think that's it at all. Why are you so up in arms over this? House guests should send thank you notes, period. Her guests sound like they are either oblivious or were raised poorly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:43 AM Flag
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Get a grip. I did call you silly but I am hardly "up in arms" over an overlooked thank you note from a college kid who was otherwise gracious in person. That's you and Op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:48 AM Flag
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"let them use our pool" - that's just such a weird phrase. I would be thrilled to get a TY note, but a "thanks Ms. X" also suffices. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:13 AM Flag
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Actually, yes, if he was raised correctly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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Right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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I wouldnt have known to do this. Id let it go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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Wow. How were you raised? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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I wrote thank you cards for gifts, but not staying at someones home in college. I did offer to clean up/help all that, just the thank you notes thing wasnt something i would have thought of. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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Np: I wouldn't have either (European not American). Where I grew up you brought a gift to the parents (flowers or wine) acted mannerly during your stay and helped clean up after meals. No one got their knickers in a twist over a thank you note. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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+3. My mom always had me send thank you notes for gifts. I once went to visit a friend who had moved away while I was in prep school. I came with brownies I had made in the microwave but it did not cross my mind to send s thank you note afterward. I imagine it would have been the same in college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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Me either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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I have to admit I'm not a frat guy and I have gotten so bad about thank you notes. This is a good reminder! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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Huh? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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I am not a college male. I have become lazy about writing thank you notes. Wouldn't write one to you if I were Miss Manners, however. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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My sons know how to write a thank you note. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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I'm glad at least one boy out there still knows to do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:05 AM Flag
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Well, I have three of them. :-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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Really, in the grand scheme of things who gives a shit? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:05 AM Flag
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Op. I don't care, I was just surprised. I have drilled it into my kids' heads to write thank you notes. It's not even a question in our house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:06 AM Flag
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Same here but for presents at Xmas. Not for staying over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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Wtf? A house guest should always send a thank you note!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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Do you expect thank you notes from guests all the time? Where do you draw the line. I never thought about this when people come and stay with us, a thank you and a hug when they leave works for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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Np. I expect, and receive a note 100% of the time. With close friends, it's usually an email. With first timers and people we know less well, they usually write a handwritten note. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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Okay, I don't have people I don't know very well stay over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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I mean new friends, that kind of thing. Not lifelong, childhood friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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I think you set up these expectations because you enjoy seeing other people fail in your eyes. I like a thank you note as much as the next, but college kids? Get over yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:18 AM Flag
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Did you expect thank you notes when your kids had sleepovers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:21 AM Flag
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Lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:24 AM Flag
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No, but I would have been pleasantly surprised if I had received one! Manners are never a bad thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:30 AM Flag
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Mine would bring a gift and send a note. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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Ditto [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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Why are these important? I'm sure they thanked the host when leaving, a note is overkill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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You are wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:31 AM Flag
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Did they say thank you at all? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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What else do you need? They said thank you to your face right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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I don't "need" anything, but I thought this was common courtesy that every kid was taught. Guess I was wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:33 AM Flag
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Jeez. Did you expect thank you note from sleepovers when they were 10? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:37 AM Flag
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No, but I usually received a thank you email from the parents! I do expect thank you notes from adult house guests. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:37 AM Flag
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this at this age I probably would never dream of receiving a thank you note for a weekend stay...they were crashing at a friends house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:34 AM Flag
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Odd? No. Rude? Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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I remember bringing friends home from college and I was sort of embarrassed when they didn't bring my parents a gift or write a note. These are things I was taught to do growing up. Manners have served me well in life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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I think it's odd you expected a note. I would never expect a note, so wierd. Who cares about this crap?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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You are the weird one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:31 AM Flag
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+1 people who don't write notes always say stuff like "I never would have expected it - all that matters is that they had a good time." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:57 AM Flag
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I think at that age, it's not really the norm. I don't remember writing a note to the parents of my my college friends when they would host me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:18 AM Flag
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This. I think at that age, the line is still blurred between "my friend's house" and "my friend's parents' house" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:32 AM Flag
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Thanks for articulating it. Never thought of it as being hosted. I was hanging at my friend's house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:52 AM Flag
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This thread shows how far UB has dropped. People don't even know to write a freaking thank you note. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:33 AM Flag
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Do you know if they sent a thank you text, email or even phone call to your ds? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:49 AM Flag
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I wouldn't expect this from college kids. Don't do it next time if not receiving a note makes you feel uncomfortable. I personally wouldn't think twice about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:24 AM Flag
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This. You want your DC to bring friends home so you can get a sense of who he is friends with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:35 AM Flag
[ - ] I need help. Have Verizon fios. Want to watch game of thrones. It says it starts at $2.99. We have HBO. Should it be free or do I have to pay for the old seasons? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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It's free. HBO go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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Sign into HBO on Demand with your Verizon log on [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:55 AM Flag
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Watch it on HBO Go for free if you subscribe to HBO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:56 AM Flag
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I'm the nanny. I don't have that info. But working overnights all week. Is it ok to ask boss for this?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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Yes, as long as you communicate that it's strictly for after the DCs go bed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
[ - ] Confess a feeling that you wouldn't tell people in real life: 120 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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I come to UB to feel a sense of community and belonging. I don't feel like I fit into any group or stereotype that makes sense to most people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:50 AM Flag
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Me too :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:04 AM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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+3 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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+4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:21 AM Flag
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me too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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Me too! It used to be lonely being me but with UB there's always someone who hears and understands. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:35 AM Flag
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Really? I come to feel superior. So many stupid, unhappy women on here, despite all their wealth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 06:38 AM Flag
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*imaginary wealth [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 09:15 AM Flag
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I think I may have married my DH for the money. I love him and I found commonalities at the time, but if he weren't as rich as he is, I doubt I would have married him. if I would have had a large trust fund, I would have married my starving artist ex boyfriend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:52 AM Flag
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I like you a lot for your honesty. You did the right thing. HOWEVER do not tell anyone this in real life - it can only come back to bite you in the ass! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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Thanks. And yes, you're right. I would never tell anyone IRL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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Np: you did the right thing. signed married a poor dh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:23 AM Flag
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+ one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:38 AM Flag
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+2. You were right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:22 AM Flag
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Hang in there. Most of us are in the same situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:42 AM Flag
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You *should* have married for money. Or, at least for economic improvement for you, your husband, and your children. Romance and sex are all well and good, but they are different from marriage. Marry the wealthy man, and do all you can to help increase your joint wealth and raise your children well, and keep your starving artist boyfriend on the side. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 09:13 AM Flag
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+1, I do love DH, but I probably would not have married him without $ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:17 AM Flag
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I work hard to justify being a SAHM. I read parenting books, sign the kids up for lots of extracurriculars, and keep a mom blog, but the truth is I think I could be equally as good a mom if I worked. I just don't want to work and don't have to, so I dont. But I feel pressured to agree with all my fellow SAHMs that choosing this path was THE BEST option for the kids when in fact it's just hat I wanted most [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:54 AM Flag
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I'm scared this will be me. If i had a job I truly loved I would have stayed. I feel like I need to find my career again [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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Does it matter? Kids are happy, that's all that matters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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I do this and WOH but wish I wasn't always exhausted. If you worked, you might be too tired to do all the great things you do for your kids/family. I guess what I'm saying is don't feel you have to justify SAH if you and family are happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:34 AM Flag
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+1 I doubt you would be able to do as much as you're doing if you worked. And kids do benefit from having their mom at home. That doesn't mean that you can't be a great mom if you work, but it definitely is a benefit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:07 AM Flag
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NP: I am sorry but since when is signing kids up for activities = doing a lot. I don't get this at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 10:12 AM Flag
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I'm the opposite. DH and I are SAHPs by choice, but we're happy to tell anyone who asks that we're pretty sure our kids would not be affected in the slightest if we went back to work. We don't try to fake it at all, and we give lots of credit to all of the other adults who have had a hand in raising them - grandparents, aunts & uncles, coaches, teachers, neighbors... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 10:56 AM Flag
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I don't enjoy sex. I do it to make my DH happy and so he won't eventually leave me, but every time we have sex I count down the minutes until it's over. It's not painful or anything, I just don't enjoy it at all. I never have with any guy after the novelty of "I'm having sex with this guy!" wears off. I guess I'm asexual, but I am emotionally attracted to my DH and find him sexy, so I doubt I'm a lesbian. But sometimes I wonder.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:57 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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I could have written this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:08 AM Flag
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I feel like this only now after having had a hysterectomy and its terribly sad. I miss my sex drive and my libido. Cant take any hormones because I had pre-cancer cells and my oncologist doesnt want to risk it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:02 AM Flag
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Do you enjoy sex on your own? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 10:57 AM Flag
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I read up on divorce law and have a rock solid plan in place of my DH ever wants to leave the marriage. Some people on here said this is pessimistic and a bad way to live, but I think it makes me happier in the marriage to know that I have a back up plan of shit hits the fan. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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Wow! that is smart. You are doing the right thing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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+1 I have it all figured out and some hidden money for lawyer. sounds sick but I have a few friends who go hit suddenly and unexpected so I am somewhat prepared. Plus DH has a bad temper and has threatened and the next day when he is calm and I explain what divorce means as far as moving and school districts he says he didn't mean it. I hate to live this way but working ft and being a single mom and saving for retirement and having him knock someone else up is just going to be worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:29 AM Flag
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I really hate being a parent 80% of the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:58 AM Flag
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+1. I feel a huge part of me died when I became a mom and what's left of me is bleh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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me too :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:43 AM Flag
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I forgot how to talk to regular people (other than kids, nannies and the moms around me), and I hate it. I miss the cheerful old me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:46 AM Flag
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I miss myself also. I don't even recognize myself. I read my resume (I still work ft) but it brought tears to my eyes what an accomplished and amazing woman I used to be. I have done nothing remarkable for years except go to work and come home and talk baby talk and play chutes and ladders. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:32 AM Flag
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I actually think that studies have shown this is normal. Personally I love my dd to pieces, but the actual day to day of it I often hate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:08 AM Flag
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I'm wondering if the people I thought were my friends are actually my friends or if they are just people who happen to have parallel lives to mine at the moment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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I feel this often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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I know what you mean. I have one friend in all the world, and his wife. Across all the stages of our lives he's kept in in touch with me and been available to catch us to and talk. If he wasn't into keeping in touch I'd have zero friends. People come I am and out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:44 AM Flag
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Really not sure if the whole thing is worth it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:59 AM Flag
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What whole thing? UB? Parenting? Life? Your job? Your marriage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:01 AM Flag
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Life. Not to be a downer, but dealing with so many stressors on every front -- money, work, divorce, relationships. I'll stop now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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Np: soooooo this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:25 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:46 AM Flag
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You've got the right idea, but you're stopping the wrong thing. Simplify your life so you have more money than you need; then give some away to someone who needs it more. Fix your job - get better at it, or start the process of changing jobs/careers. Divorce sucks; punch something at the end of every day and get through it. Take three months off of other relationships and do something that makes you a better person; once you know you're cool on your own, you can choose the relationships you *want* in your life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 09:33 AM Flag
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I'm trying to have all my kids as soon as possible in case my DH decides to divorce me. I don't want two baby daddies. I don't plan to get remarried if he leaves, so I want to have the family I want before that happens of it does happen [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:00 AM Flag
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That sounds smart. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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ITA. I'm doing the same thing. I wanted a four or five year age gap between my kids so I could have time to focus on them when they are young one at a time, but I'm TTC with number 2 after just 2 years since the first now since idk if DH will be around in 2 more years [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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I think my DH would have an affair in a hot minute if I stopped working out every day and putting as much effort into my appearance as I do. Hoping this doesn't happen at least until I'm done having kids with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:02 AM Flag
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What do you do to keep up your appearance? Does your DH ever make comments? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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Yes, he makes comments constantly. If I gain a few pounds he points it out. As for what I do for my appearance, I have a personal trainer for an hour a day, go to group work out classes for an hour a day, hair appointments every 2 weeks, nails every 2 weeks, and I do my make up and hair for about 90 minutes after my work out before he gets home from work [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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Woah. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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Jeezus christ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:15 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 12:51 PM Flag
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Is it worth it just to stave off cheating by someone who would cheat on you for getting a little off track? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:17 AM Flag
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It's worth it for the time being. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:03 AM Flag
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Sounds terrible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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Not good. What happens when you get older? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:48 AM Flag
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He will probably leave when I get older. I've already reconciled myself to that fate. Hoping to make it until at least 50, but I'm not holding my breath. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:09 AM Flag
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DH here. You don't need to bother with all the hair and nail stuff. Women may notice this sort of stuff but not men. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:08 AM Flag
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Your husband is an asshole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 12:33 PM Flag
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I'm a man and I really, really wish I could be a SAHM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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Hey DH -- is it completely binary? Could you work from home some days/enjoy the DCs/do your own entrepreneurial thing while still contributing financially/domestically? Is there some give in your lifestyle? Worth talking to DW about? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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I'm a SAHM and I wish I was a man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:46 AM Flag
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Why not be a SAHD? Or a retired dad with a SAHM wife? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:12 AM Flag
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What is it about SAHMs that you wish you had that you don't already have? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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np: SAHM are understood by society (though mocked by WOHM), SAHD are ridiculed by the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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So why not be a "retired dad" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:04 AM Flag
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He probably has SAHM for a wife... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 10:19 AM Flag
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I married my husband because I was trying to escape my promiscuous, dysfunctional past and I was attracted to his super stable family. Now I'm trapped in sexless marriage. I had an affair with the one man I have loved since I was 13 years old. Turns out he just uses me for an ego boost and sex. I would commit suicide but I'm the child of suicide and I would never inflict that kind of pain on my children. Now I'm just going through the motions of life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:03 AM Flag
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I'm sorry OR and I can relate to a lot of what you say :-( Can you find fulfillment in other places? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:09 AM Flag
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OR: Trying to but I think the illusion is up. Nothing in my life has not been a struggle. I have parents who don't love me, siblings who use me, work has proven to be a glass ceiling. I'm tired and just done with picking myself up and pretending that around the corner is something better. It isn't better for some of us. I don't want to use my children as means of fulfillment because that is a huge burden to put on them. You would never know looking at me but I welcome death. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:20 AM Flag
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Np: try to find help - either therapist or spiritual leader. Sending virtual hugs. Xoxoxoxoxo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:27 AM Flag
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I am with you. I would never kill myself but sometimes just wish I would die in a tragic car accident. I don't want to hurt DH and DC but my struggle of life is just rough and I welcome death. I would like it to happen in 10 yrs or so when DC no longer needs me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:37 AM Flag
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So so sorry for everything you have been through. We can't escape our past, but we can outlive it. Do you find joy in something? Would you consider talking to a good therapist? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:13 AM Flag
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So sorry to hear that. I went through a suicidal stage after my former fiancé left me. I had loved him for so long I thought I would never love anyone else. Would you have left your DH and kids for this man you loved since age 13? Maybe his asshole-ness was a blessing in disguise as it allowed you to keep your family intact and have a fresh start and marriage with the guy who actually loves you, your DH. Why not view this as a fresh start? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:16 AM Flag
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Hi - I can't say we have parallel lives - But I can say that I Have been through many things that have left me feeling much as you described - I have been through hell but I have learned to appreciate the all things and get simple Pleasures and have become less Depressed and more sure of myself in the process. I got a Dog, stopped spending time with people who made me feel badly, took a class, Tried to accept my work as my work and not as a life. Little Pleasures lead to greater ones. This too shall pass. I know. Hang in virtual friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:40 AM Flag
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I feel your pain. Similar minus the ex-bf. I am better now that I cut off my psycho mother. My beautiful pleasures are the smiles on dc's face when learning to swim or running into or out of the ocean. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:41 AM Flag
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Hug. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:26 AM Flag
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You are not trapped in a sexless marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 09:06 AM Flag
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My younger sister never took my side when she knew out step dad was abusing me. She wanted to be Mommy's good little teacher's pet type girl. She recently failed out of medical school and got dumped by her boyfriend in the same year. I answer the phone and act sympathetic when she calls, but in reality I don't feel bad for her and don't really care about her anymore. She wasn't there when I needed her most, and ever since then I've just been going trough the motions of being her sister. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:07 AM Flag
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I go through the motions with my sister as well and it's exhausting! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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Why even bother going through the motions? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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I like knowing what goes on in her life and keeping dibs on her. I guess I still care to some degree. Or maybe it's just curiosity [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:05 AM Flag
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I don't know about this one. She obviously cares for you; I wish you could find a way to work on it. She wasn't the sister you needed, but how old was she? You probably wouldn't blame a different child in the same situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:36 AM Flag
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She wasn't a child. This went on for many many years. All through her teens she did nothing. She did nothing in college or after either. She just pretended like it didn't happen and everything was peachy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:06 AM Flag
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Oh well that's different! I was imagining you both as little kids and thinking who could be blamed. Sorry about that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:10 AM Flag
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What did your mother do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:49 AM Flag
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You should be blaming your mother. Your sister was most likely being abused as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:49 AM Flag
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I always knew that nobody would ever want to marry me and I don't know why. On the outside I'm normal and attractive. I'm a single mom because I got pregnant but never married. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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you have to change that mindset so that you can attract your life's partner. it won't happen though until you believe you deserve it. and you do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:53 AM Flag
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I am really frustrated with a friend of mine (and in our large group) who has tried to ice me out. It was over something very minor I did (something you might be annoyed at for a day or 2 and then get over). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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I come here to feel like I have mommies who actually give me advice and guidance in life. I never had that growing up [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:14 AM Flag
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I am becoming really paranoid and socially anxious. Think everyone hates me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:18 AM Flag
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Wow. I can relate to so many of these and would probably really like a lot of you, IRL. Why does everyone seem to be mean and catty with an agenda IRL. Wish we could all just wear it on our sleeves a little more [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 02:29 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 03:06 AM Flag
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"Be the change you want to see in the world." -- Ivana Trump [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:21 AM Flag
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Been TTC for years now and I go out to lunch with dfs that have babies and try to be happy for them and part of me is. But another part is so angry at how many wonderful things are happening for them and how everying in my life seems like a never ending struggle. I just want to scream at them. And maybe punch their smug faces. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:17 AM Flag
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Then don't be friends with them. You're too self centered. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 05:50 AM Flag
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I am a SAHM and sometimes I don't respect myself for it. I feel like I'm leeching off my husband, even though he totally does not feel that way at all and we have plenty of money. But when I think about going back to work and having to juggle everything, and not being able to spend our weekends free as a family and having someone I barely know care for my daughter, I don't want to do that either. UGH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 04:17 AM Flag
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I hate how it's seen as anti-feminist to be a stay at home mom after college or grad school so I have to make up fake career goals and pretend that all of the sudden I just decided one day out of the blue that it was time to have kids. For some reason planning ahead and knowing what you want in life are looked down upon in American culture and "being spontaneous" is revered. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 06:49 AM Flag
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Hi, future SAHM! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:11 AM Flag
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I think my DH is ten times the catch that I am, but he thinks the opposite. I worry what will happen when he realizes I'm not the cat's pajamas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 06:49 AM Flag
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Sometimes low self-esteem is just good old-fashioned common sense. Start doing things that make you a better "catch". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:20 AM Flag
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This is a really dumb VBA post [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:22 AM Flag
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I want to have all boys and no girl kids. I think most females are crazy. And I'm female. I've always had more male fiends than female friends and found men easier to get along with and more pleasant all around. They don't get their panties in a twist over stupid shit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 06:51 AM Flag
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I secretly hope my sister is infertile. She's a horrible person and would be an awful mother since she is incapable of empathy to others. She had a few STDs in college, so it wouldn't be out of the question that she's infertile. Sure there would be fertility treatments to fix these issues, but once she finds out she needs to spend money to have a baby that zonked otherwise come out of her clothing and shoe budget, she may just say "fuck it" to the whole pregnancy thing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 06:53 AM Flag
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The mean girl who bullied me and others in middle school, junior high, and high school is now married her high school boyfriend who was the jock king at the school. The mean girl was very pretty when we were young hut now at age 30 she is not so great looking. Not going to lie, I will smile a little when he finally leaves her for some 22 year old. (This is in flyover where people marry right after college.) Don't worry, they don't have kids yet. I wouldn't wish a divorce on any kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 06:56 AM Flag
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I enjoy writing eulogies for family members who die and always volunteer to read them at the funerals. No one knows that j actually write them before the family member actually dies. Often years before. It gives me a sense of immortal power to still be alive when they are dead. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 06:57 AM Flag
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Lame [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 AM Flag
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I have rape fantasies. During sex I imagine that DH and I are living thousands of years ago in the age of small tribes, and he's from a rival tribe come to rape me and steal me away because I'm the most beautiful woman in my tribe [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 07:00 AM Flag
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No self-worth [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 AM Flag
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I wish I could do it over again and not get married and not have kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 09:05 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 12:59 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 01:05 PM Flag
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I was a bully in junior high and high school, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:02 AM Flag
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