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[ - ] I have found a new level of dumb. The Q&A section of Amazon where you can "ask the Amazon community" about whatever product you're looking at. Have you ever asked a question and received a helpful, informative answer you could understand? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:17 PM Flag
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I prefer to UN over shopping of any kind [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:19 PM Flag
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UB [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:19 PM Flag
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I've never asked a question, but some if the existing qs are helpful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:20 PM Flag
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+1, I bought a tablecloth and the Qs asked about exact measurements, and it was helpful that someone already asked my question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:27 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:16 PM Flag
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Didn't know it existed. Oh well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:08 PM Flag
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I once read a one-star review of something on there, and it was because it wasn't the size the buyer had expected. A housewares type item, not clothing. And the review admitted the buyer hadn't looked at the dimensions in the description! So stupid and unfair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:00 PM Flag
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^^P.S. If you haven't read the reviews on the Amazon listing for milk, you must -- they're hilarious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:01 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:20 PM Flag
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lolol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 04:16 PM Flag
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Yes, I have [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 04:20 PM Flag
[ - ] MIL overstepped all boundaries a few months ago and I finally reacted appropriately to her behavior and am no longer talking to her. For the first ttime in 18 years i have no guilt trips and drama for spending a holiday with my family. For the first time I am not dreading TG. What’s the downside for making this a permanent arrangement? 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:07 PM Flag
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Putting DH in the middle. Grandkids lose access to Grandmother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:08 PM Flag
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Dh takes kids to visit his parents. As per putting dh in the middle, that wasn’t my choice but I can’t take her any longer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:12 PM Flag
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You asked for a downside. I’m not blaming you but it’s definitley not a good position for DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:21 PM Flag
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I know but that downside exists either way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:23 PM Flag
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Also, how is he not in the middle when it takes me days to come out from anger and resentment every time MIL chooses to cross boundaries and start acting passive aggressive or just aggressive [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:18 PM Flag
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Yeah, the whole situation puts him in the middle. Too bad you and MIL can’t have a peaceful coexistence. But thesethings happen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:22 PM Flag
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I wish we could. It’s not like this happened a year into marriage. I tried and tolerated her for 18 years. My life is nothing but better now so I basically gained nothing but heartache from trying so hard to have a good relationship. Given her behavior toward me there was never a pieceful coexistence [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:26 PM Flag
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I get it. Some people are oil and water. It’s sad but it is what it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:28 PM Flag
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By the way, she called and left me a msg basically demanding I go back to status quo for the sake of the kids. An apology or a suggestion that she needs to make changes isn’t on the table. In her mind, I simply owe it to her to tolerate whatever she does because she has good intentions toward us (whatever that means) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:29 PM Flag
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Of course she did. She likes & is comfortable with the 18 year long dynamic. Don't engage unless you secretly like the drama. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:19 PM Flag
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No interest in drama. Like I said, I am so much happier [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:58 PM Flag
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I'm the estranged from my family poster below. I'm hoping you ignored this voicemail, right? I would suggest deleting any/all voicemails from her without evening listening. At least for the time being. Just sending you my full support as I've been there. I've been married 2x, the first MIL was hell on toast. Very cruel, many, many abusive episodes with her. Fucked up, enmeshed relationship with her son. I finally stopped speaking to her and we eventually divorced. I sometimes still feel anger and wish I could confront her. But she's a pathetic human being and may in fact be dead by now, so I let it go. Anyway, the holiday will be over in a few hours. You'll have others to deal with but you'll have your self-respect and dignity from now on too. If your DH doesn't understand that, I would tell him he needs to see a therapist. Best of luck to you all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:05 PM Flag
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TY so much! It’s very hard to understand if you haven’t been there yourself. I get that the other posters have simply never experienced this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:15 PM Flag
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A toxic MIL shouldn't be allowed around the kids. Mom shouldn't show her kids that she is willing to be abused. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:02 PM Flag
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How did she treat you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:53 PM Flag
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Downside- it would be an upside if you could model for your children that despite your differences, you can coexist for the sake of the family [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:55 PM Flag
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I did that for my DC. Not easy. Are you going to lose out on any inheritance? Mercenary mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:13 PM Flag
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Your mental health and dignity are far more important than any inheritance. Make your own money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:57 PM Flag
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I will not have to take care if her someday so there is that. She said very nasty things about me in front of my teen so that puts an end to meddling anything positive in front of the kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:00 PM Flag
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You sound precious. Without knowing the "boundaries" she overstepped, it sounds a little melodramatic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:09 PM Flag
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NP: I logged in to post this and found OR’s post saying the same thing. What does MIL do that causes you to take “days to come out from anger and resentment?” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:23 PM Flag
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This. It’s 3-4 hours [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:30 PM Flag
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np: You clearly have never experienced a truly toxic person. They can make your life a living hell. Bravo for your compassion this Thanksgiving Day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:57 PM Flag
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It is 18 years of no boundaries and no respect for me as an adult ...it adds up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:12 PM Flag
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Hello from someone who gets it... if she is toxic with you, she is having that effect on everyone. I don't know what it is about people posting about their toxic family members on UB, about 75% of the time, UB will choose to attack that person. It's puzzling to me because there are actually a LOT of toxic people in the world. The walking wounded. So what to do? You did the right thing by creating a boundary. Yes it will cause tension with your DH. But sucking it up will also strain your marriage, just in another way. Honesty is better. It actually IS his issue more than yours, so by creating the boundary, your giving him back the hot potato. Let him deal with her. You have a right to peaceful, enjoyable holidays and life in general. You might choose at some point to get some support from a therapist on this. Sometimes you simply do have remove toxic people from your life. I am estranged from my entire family after suffering an abusive (in ALL ways) childhood. I am free from them now and have a very good life. I encourage you to do the same. Happy Thanksgiving, you have much to celebrate with this one! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:56 PM Flag
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TY for understanding! It really is DHs problem and he used me as a buffer against his mother and that’s over and she is back to being his problem to deal with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:05 PM Flag
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You got it. And yeah, some of the tension with your DH is that he didn't want to deal. Time for him to put his big boy boxers on! Stay strong, you have made the right decision. Have an extra glass of something today, you deserve! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:08 PM Flag
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Thank you so much! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:15 PM Flag
[ - ] Just read the MP on Malia...Until women stop hating and sexualizining women, how can we expect men to stop? You are a group of creepy and hateful people. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:05 PM Flag
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Then go start a new forum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:09 PM Flag
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Maybe the issue here is constant fascination with celebrity that doesn’t even die down with 1 MP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:09 PM Flag
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That's what you're getting from this?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:45 PM Flag
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Those responses were so creepy and weird. I refuse to believe they came from actual women. I think more likely lonely male trolls feeling sad about their lives on Thanksgiving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:09 PM Flag
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Then there are more men on this board than we realize. There is a lot of cruelty here, day in day out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:46 PM Flag
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Yes, there are men. The unloved and unwashed. How's that for mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:15 PM Flag
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What kind of responses would you expect from this type of pictures and tabloids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:15 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:23 PM Flag
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How about decency and civility, not calling someone a fat pig? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:37 PM Flag
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You expect OR to understand that, or even care? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:45 PM Flag
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??? She was kissing a guy---oooohhhh....news alert. Malia likes someone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:10 PM Flag
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Forget that it’s Malia and look at the picture objectively [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:20 PM Flag
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Well said! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Good morning! How do your finances work with DH? Do you see and have access to all the money he earns? Does it all go into one account that you have access to? 33 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:18 PM Flag
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Joint account. Joint access but I’m lazy and never check. I need to be more involved but just haven’t been [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:22 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:49 PM Flag
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no- he has an account, I have an account and we have multiple brokerage and savings accounts in both of our names. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:23 PM Flag
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I have access to all accounts. I pay all bills, handle taxes etc. Has been this way since we got engaged. While engaged we started looking for houses. Found out he was late on paying bills despite having the money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:26 PM Flag
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Why do they do that? My dad was the same way -- it was like he felt rich with a big balance even if he had overdue debts. So weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:10 PM Flag
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All the money goes into joint accounts and I do everything - I take money out and give it to him, pay the bills, etc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:29 PM Flag
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I have access to all our joint accounts. He doesn’t have access to my pre-marital savings. We are equal earners [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:45 PM Flag
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How long married? This was us until we bought our first home and used my savings for a big chunk of down payment. Before that, we had been living on an expat package paid by his company [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:05 PM Flag
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^should day used a big chunk of my savings for downpYment [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:06 PM Flag
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15 years. I did provide the down payment but the rest is still in my account. It’s not that much (80K) but if push comes to shove I do have that $ and it’s mine to keep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:10 PM Flag
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You didn't have it in equity index funds? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:49 PM Flag
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All our salaries go into one account. He pays all the bills, mortgages etc. I have a credit card linked to that account that I use Day to day. No idea what I spend every month. If I need cash we always have about 5k in different denominations in the safe. Pretty retro I know but I trust him to take care of everything finance-wise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:46 PM Flag
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Famous last words... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:59 PM Flag
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Separate accounts. We were together for 10 years before getting married and never merged our accounts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:51 PM Flag
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Who pays the larger % of the expenses? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:54 PM Flag
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We try to make it equal. I wanted to merge our accounts to avoid any resentment over who pays more, but he wanted to stay separate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:15 PM Flag
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I have 2 friends with this arrangement. Both feel taken advantage of. There is constant struggle over non basic expenses and wheather they are necessary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:17 PM Flag
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I pay more day to day expenses like groceries and the monthly bills. He pays the bigger expenses like taxes and vacations. It's not ideal but it's our compromise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:56 PM Flag
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Nah. We do it this way too. If it is imbalanced during the yr one side pays extra at the end to make it even. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:31 PM Flag
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Wouldn't it be simpler to put everything in a joint account and then not think about mine vs. his? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:12 PM Flag
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Did you see The Joy Luck Club? Woman in that had this arrangement and had to pay for half of every grocery trip, even things she didn't eat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:11 PM Flag
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Joint accounts we both have access to but I manage everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:58 PM Flag
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Everything separate. He is rich. He bought me a 3 unit apartment building and put it in my name. It’s worth about a million now. Plus I get the rental money. If we divorce, I leave with what I came with, plus the apartment building. He has kids, I don’t. He pays for everything jointly but it’s his house, not mine. I buy all my own things and sometimes I buy dinner. We both randomly buy food, he buys most of it though, mainly because he cooks. I’m actually more liquid then he is so sometimes I give him money to pay taxes like a couple thousand now and again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:05 PM Flag
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Will you have kids together? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:07 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:09 PM Flag
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Sounds like a pretty reasonable (and sustsinable) arrangement then. Good for you both [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:10 PM Flag
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Yeah, it works. We are happy. The best part is if either of us leaves, it won’t be a financial disaster for either one. No fighting over property, etc. He gave me the building before we married so I can leave anytime. In fact, he gave me the building so I could leave before we got married. He is practical. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:26 PM Flag
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We share everything. But we married young and many people who marry young do, unless you marry a cheapskate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:17 PM Flag
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Being rich helps! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:13 PM Flag
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Kids from priors do complicate these things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:12 PM Flag
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I have no access to his account. I have my own. We split the expenses equally. We have separate brokerage accounts too. We do have a master list of passwords and number that is sealed in the safety deposit box just in case something happens to one or both of us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 02:19 PM Flag
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Everything is joint, and at the start of each month we establish the budget for that month. I'm the nerd, so I have an Excel sheet I copy and customize for each month, then we discuss and add and subtract items, or put them off for the future, or whatever. Once we have an amount set for a category, neither of us micromanages the other's choices -- for example, if I say I need $500 for apparel this month, that could be one pair of shoes or 125 items at the Goodwill -- he doesn't care either way. Works for us because that way we only have to talk about money once a month unless something comes up that can't wait until the first of the next month. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:04 PM Flag
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Everything is joint. We combined everything when we got married. We made equal amounts then, and then he went to law school and I supported us, and then after law school he worked and I SAH, and now I work part time for very little money. But it is all one big pot of money. He pays most bills but I pay most of the credit cards. He pays a couple that are in his name but most are in my name. All the money comes from the same account though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:27 PM Flag
[ - ] I am so thankful for all of you, whomever you are. Oh, if you knew what you have helped me with... I get through every little problem in my life because I know I can simply “put it on UB”. Dh has now even begun telling me - “see what UB says”. I really love you all - you honest, sincere, direct, strong women!!! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 12:18 PM Flag
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ITA! Happy thanksgiving [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:02 PM Flag
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Awww! We love you too!!! This is seriously the best place for advice and support. If I had known about you ladies in 2009, my life would have been very different. I only found you in 2010 though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:24 PM Flag
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+1 so this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 01:38 PM Flag
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Same here! But I don't think I can say that when we go around the table today, so I'll have to say health etc. So boring, me! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.17, 03:04 PM Flag
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