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[ - ] Have to get from lower Manhattan to JFK at the crack of dawn tomorrow. Cab? Uber? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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Both are fine [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:53 PM Flag
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Which is cheaper? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:05 PM Flag
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Do your own homework lady [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:15 PM Flag
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Uber stopped flat fare to JFK and since the general rate has a time element to add onto the per-mile part, it should be more expensive than a cab, but a lot depends on whether you tip uber at the end. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:16 PM Flag
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Chinese car service [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone know how STMPG did with exmissions? We are applying to their 2s program (and have various families we know there)and wondering how well they do with private placements for K. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:39 PM Flag
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So ask the current families, not UB. That's your most reliable source of information. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:53 PM Flag
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I only know two current families and they aren't doing exmissions this year. So I thought I would ask on UB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:19 PM Flag
[ - ] Please explain it again to me. Why do people wear tee shirts and insist on cranking up the heat instead of putting on a sweater. Even if the rest of the family is roasting? Why so selfish? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:39 PM Flag
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Ask your family member? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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Because some people think that a sweater or sweatshirt is too heavy for indoors, I guess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:44 PM Flag
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+1 I think that sweats are the most comfortable clothes there are, so I like it when the thermostat is set on the cool side. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Were TT schools and TT colleges invented by UB? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
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lol seems like it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:38 PM Flag
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Totally! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:53 PM Flag
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Yes, basically. But TT only applies through 12th grade, and only to private schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:45 PM Flag
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No. US News and Wold Report. The application of the nomenclature to private schools is just a logical extension. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:48 PM Flag
[ - ] name poll - Grant Walker. due in april pls help with ur opinion. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
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Love [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:37 PM Flag
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Trying too hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:38 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:46 PM Flag
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X2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:55 PM Flag
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An acquaintance just named her kid this!!! and she is the epitome of trying too hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:55 PM Flag
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I prefer the name Walker, so I like Walker Grant [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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Walker Texas Ranger. Sorry too easy. I second Walker Grant. Or what about just Grant? I don't know a single child with that name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:54 PM Flag
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I love Grant as a first name. Not huge on Walker, but it goes nicely together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:49 PM Flag
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sounds mormon [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:54 PM Flag
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Sounds like a character from a macho 80s television show. I prefer the Walker Grant suggestion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:54 PM Flag
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are either family names? if not I'm with the trying to hard people [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:55 PM Flag
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+1 are they family names? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:24 PM Flag
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I think it's nice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:17 PM Flag
[ - ] My 8-year-old is angry a lot of the time lately. It's making me feel so sad, frustrated and scared. I don't know what to do. In my weakest moments I worry that there's something wrong with him. A third grader is supposed to be happy and carefree, right? He's still a little kid. :( 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:34 PM Flag
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WHat sort of things are making him angry? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:42 PM Flag
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Anything and everything [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:47 PM Flag
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What is his base personality like? My kid leans to the serious side so that happy carefree thing is absolutely something other kids might have, just not him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:47 PM Flag
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What's going on in your family? Kids don't generally get this way in a vacuum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:06 PM Flag
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Anything going on at school that he might not be sharing with you? Maybe he's feeling left out or picked on? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:18 PM Flag
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My kid is angry a lot too. I think it's not enough free play time due to school. Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Is Percy Jackson a good book for a 7.5 year old? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:32 PM Flag
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Perfect [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:36 PM Flag
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I think the stories are a little too advanced for most 7.5 year olds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:45 PM Flag
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agree but hey, if the kid likes it... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:11 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone hear from HM nursery school yet? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 02.11.16, 03:30 PM Flag
[ - ] Our little one didn't get into Friends for their 2's preschool. We're in BK and I only applied to 2 "private" schools since there are plenty of other non exclusive programs he can attend at this age. I was testing the waters I guess and I figured I'd just apply to the two schools I really liked versus a bunch that I wasn't invested in. I see now that if I really want to go private I'll have to cast my net wider for 3's applications to ongoing schools next year. When I went to school my parents just wrote the check.Sigh but we weren't in NYC. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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Are you talking about Brooklyn friends? All the Brooklyn schools have become super competitive in the past few years, even the ones that are considered easier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:33 PM Flag
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Yes. Apparently, so... Fun times ahead for us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:36 PM Flag
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2s programs are a waste, also if you are talking about Brooklyn Friends, it used to be the case that getting into the 2s was no guarantee of getting in to the 3s, not sure if this is still true. They take kids at 3, 4 and for K so you have other chances [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:36 PM Flag
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OP: yes their 2's is a whole separate thing so it would have still been applying again next year. I liked their extended day options but I wasn't wild about it by any means. I'm seeing that bothering with the 2's may have been a waste of time because of the above and the other entry points down the line at a variety of schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:52 PM Flag
[ - ] if planning to do about 500k in construction, is it better to refinance an existing mortgage (only about 300k for 15 yrs), use a line of credit or take a separate loan? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:26 PM Flag
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I would think whatever gets you the best interest rate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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Depends on the costs of the line/separate loan and where you think rates are going to go (most lines of credit are floating based on Prime) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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with interest rates increasing, may be more economical to get another mortgage and lock in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:32 PM Flag
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Yep. That's my feeling too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:34 PM Flag
[ - ] fun things to do in Miami next week -- anyone have a good website or ideas? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:24 PM Flag
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OMG stop posting! we've given you hundreds of ideas, both in case it does or doesnt rain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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not true! I got 2 ideas -- children museum and monkey jungle. Seriously? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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WTF? People give advice. It's not good enough for you, so you come back and mock their suggestions with a nasty, "Seriously?" Go visit TripAdvisor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:36 PM Flag
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Yes exactly! I gave OP plenty of advice and she's acting very obnoxious about it. Ladies, if you know anyone in real life who is going to Miami next week,try to do the slow fade... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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I'm doing a rain dance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:46 PM Flag
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np: really? is the whole board going to Miami? I posted a ton -- duck tour, bayside shopping marina, boat cruise, day trip to everglades (book a good tour now in advance) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:39 PM Flag
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Why do you think you are owed something on a topic no one gives a F about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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STOP already!!!! You have posted multiple times. Google it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:32 PM Flag
[ - ] I really need help. I have a serious personality flaw that causes me so much drama in my life. I don't know how to fix it. When I'm dealing with so one, I never start out nasty, I always smile, am calm and professional. I treat everyone respectfully at the start...But when someone is rude to me - on the phone, or there is a snotty receptionist, an unhelpful sales person, etc, etc. I just lose my fucking mind. I get loud, start demanding to see the manager, cursing, arguing. It just escalates to a crazy level, really quick. It never helps the situation, it only makes things worse. I just have this crazy desire to call out bad behavios, bad manners and lack of professionalism. In tun, I exhibit bad behavior, bad manners and lack of professionalism! My husband says I'm going to get punched in the face eventually. I don't do this at work, I often want to but I can control the behavior there. 53 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:24 PM Flag
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Wow, we should be friends! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:26 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:49 PM Flag
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I think you are my friend. Were you just talking about this with someone the other day? Are you irish? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:26 PM Flag
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Ha- no I never talk about this. But I am Irish [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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Fighting Irish. You people are insane btw. Does your face get really red? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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The personality flaw is called "from ny." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:27 PM Flag
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Hahaha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:30 PM Flag
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You need a therapist - you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:27 PM Flag
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lol. No she doesn't. OMG this board is ridiculous. She's probably overwhelmed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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No, an NPD person would not be this self-aware. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:40 PM Flag
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They'd be proud of being a narcissist too, and op wants to change [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:46 PM Flag
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That term is getting thrown around here way too much. Most of you don't know what it really means and how to differentiate from other issues. I wish people would drop the pseudo psych stuff and talk to people about how they cope. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:10 PM Flag
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The other week I went to a store with crazy lines and everyone was being so slow. I lost it. At the end of the day, I said to dh, that was a horrible place. He replied (nicely) that I was the only one who seemed to be upset. I realized that things are only as annoying and bad as we let them be. The next week, it took ages for us to be seated at a restaurant (again, people not doing job well). I smiled, waited, and had a good time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:28 PM Flag
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This. I am guilty of reacting and flipping out, but really it's up to me to control how I react or let things affect me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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Pp, I'm also saying that the flipping out is what makes the entire thing unpleasant. So to say she's flipping out because unpleasant is silly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:42 PM Flag
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CBT [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:28 PM Flag
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+1 this will help op. It's good that you recognize the problem and want yo change it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:32 PM Flag
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See Frozen 8 times and learn to sing Let it Go at the slightest provocation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:28 PM Flag
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:-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
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Give us an example. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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I'm you/you're me. You can control it at work because you know the high stakes involved (you flip out, your job's at risk, right?) Maybe try to take a breath and think of the stakes involved in other situations. Do you really want that gum-snapping Duane Reade cashier to lose her job? Do you really want your DC to see you lose your patience like that? Do you really want to risk getting stabbed by some unhinged person on the subway because you call them out for pole-hugging or blocking the door? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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I used to be like that. Off the charts rage to someone who was rude. I finally figured out what the trigger was. They were saying I didn't exist. Or I didn't matter. And that's my deep ingrained fear -- that I don't matter. I wonder what your trigger is. Once you can dismantle it, I bet rudeness won't bother you as much. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:33 PM Flag
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Did you go to therapy in order to figure this out? that's a lot of introspection. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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Yes but we didn't address it directly in therapy. Other issues helped me figure it out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:47 PM Flag
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Np, for me it is a love for efficiency. When I see inefficiency, I just explode inside. I've learned to deal with it now because I realize efficient doesn't mean better [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:48 PM Flag
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Op- this is totally part of it. I always want go report whatever incident to the manager so they can FIX iT for the next person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:49 PM Flag
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Then maybe try to understand that even if they fixed it and even if they made it faster or easier, it wouldn't impact anything in a meaningful way. In contrast, you anger has a big impact, and a negative one. Your anger is the thing needing fixing! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:52 PM Flag
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Wow that is so awesome, I think that's why I get pissed off too!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:08 PM Flag
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I am you but also occasionally flip out at work. One of my goals is to learn to be calm under pressure or when frustrated. Incompetence, rudeness, etc. drive me insane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:42 PM Flag
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You feel protected by the anonymity of a big city. Move to a tiny place where everyone knows your business and you'd behave better. I'd worry about being shot, not punched. Clean up your act. It's ugly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:43 PM Flag
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Are you doing this in front of your children? Because that should stop you cold [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:44 PM Flag
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Op- sometimes that stops me. But sometimes I can't stop. I see red! I can't control what's coming out of my mouth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:47 PM Flag
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That is your first problem, of course you can. You havent decided that you want to yet. If you had a gun to your head, could you control your mouth? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:49 PM Flag
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In order to stop, you have to realize a few things. 1) You look like an idiot screaming at some 21 year old that makes 8 dollars an hour who cannot control the situation anyway 2) You are being a horrendous example to your kids and most likely either mortifying the people with your or scaring them. 3) You are putting your kids in danger because one day someone is going to flip their lid on you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:51 PM Flag
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And 4) you may end up saying something threatening and could get arrested. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:55 PM Flag
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You need to go to therapy, maybe CBT, to re train your reaction to certain things/events. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:50 PM Flag
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ITA. Then next time the trigger happens, pause. Do nothing. Then choose how to react (if you even react at all). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:01 PM Flag
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Dh says everything in moderation, except anger, because anger is just loss of control. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:50 PM Flag
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I'm a little self conscious. I always want to flip out, but I worry about what I'd look like to other observers while doing so. Maybe think about that. Like what if you ended up on YouTube? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:44 PM Flag
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+++ THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:50 PM Flag
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Lol that's a good one. What if it ended up on YouTube like that crazy med school intern in Miami who blew up at the uber driver? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:52 PM Flag
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Omg, or the Long Island woman who tried to pick up her pizza and they got the order wrong? That was so mortifying to watch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:54 PM Flag
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NP: OMG! Thank you for this gem!!!! And I love whoever framed this, with the peppers in the foreground. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:06 PM Flag
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It was kebabs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:59 PM Flag
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Was she at a hardware store? That's probably why they didn't have them... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:02 PM Flag
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She was drunk, but yeah [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:56 PM Flag
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Being drunk is no excuse. I have been drunk plenty before and never acted in that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:21 PM Flag
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NP- great point, like those people assaulting uber drivers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:57 PM Flag
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How do you do with personal relationships? Do you have blow ups with friends and family members? Or is it just outsiders? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:53 PM Flag
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Take a beat and ask yourself what your goal is in the situation. For example at the grocery store - is the goal to express your outrage, or to get out of there as quickly as possible without becoming emotionally dysregulated? I would guess it is the latter. I would be as nice as necessary to get what you need in the situation, then later decide if it is worth contacting the manager to report poor service. It's doubtful that causing a ruckus will get you to the end goal faster. And trust me - I totally know how you feel and have the same dilemma! It's hard but ultimately I am making a conscious decision to maintain my temper rather than get batshit and then I'm worked up and nothing has been fixed. Also - avoid places and people who have proven ineffective to you if you can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:05 PM Flag
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Op- thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:15 PM Flag
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Take a deep breath and remember that what that other person is doing is really not about you and ultimately won't affect your life - unless you make it that way. You never know what other people are dealing with in their lives. Ideally they shouldn't bring it to work, but sometimes it's hard, like all of life. It might help to take a class in assertiveness so you have a tool besides aggression to work with. It might also help to talk in therapy about where this comes from. Who in your earlier life disrespected or abused you? That level of anger doesn't come a transient interaction with a sales person. Your husband is right. Some day you'll pull this with the wrong person and it will escalate to violence. Kudos to you for being willing to look at this behavior and ask for help. :-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:19 PM Flag
[ - ] still waiting on a wait list. Are they really going to move today? I hope so 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:21 PM Flag
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Depends on which school. I heard Marymount, Hewitt and Town have moved, and that Brearley and Dalton have fully enrolled the class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
[ - ] What is up with women who wear vanilla oil or heavy vanilla-based perfumes or lotions? You smell like Lucky Charms, and not in a good way. Someone near my office is doused in the stuff and it's making me gag. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:21 PM Flag
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Its bath and body works I bet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:22 PM Flag
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Oh god. The worst. And it's like "buy one get 10 free!" so she'll never run out... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:23 PM Flag
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This. LMAO! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:08 PM Flag
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Ugh the girl dh was cheating on me with before we were married wore plumeria from there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:24 PM Flag
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That is what I liked in middle school. Ghastly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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God that stuff is sickening. They all smell the same. Babysitter fragrance, my kids used to call it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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Funny- I used to wear vanilla perfume in college and guys went fucking nuts for that smell. I grew up and stopped wearing it like every other teenage girl but no other scent has made pretty much every man say "oh my god you smell so fucking good" since. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:36 PM Flag
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+100 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:39 PM Flag
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Food/sex/comfort. That is vanilla's attraction for men. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:57 PM Flag
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no one should be wearing heavy perfume, but vanilla is a nice scent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:39 PM Flag
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It is a nice scent for cookies - not for people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:49 PM Flag
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this is obviously a personal preference thing. obviously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:56 PM Flag
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Obviously - but whenever you walk by, smelling like vanilla, just know that other people think you smell like a tray of cookies walking by. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:00 PM Flag
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+1. And the thing is, vanilla oil on a person doesn't even smell delicious like cookies. It just smells like little girl pretend make-up products. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:11 PM Flag
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Can't stand perfume. Have a client who douses herself in patchouli and it is awful. I feel like I smell for the rest of the day after seeing her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:18 PM Flag
[ - ] Need a little help house hunting in New Jersey. We thought about Montclair but the middle and high schools don't seem that great. We are now looking into Monmouth county but are a bit concerned about racism since its not as diverse. My husband is a darker complexion Pakistanian who is Muslim and our kids look like him so I am concerned. I am a dark skinned Hispanic. Would our kids encounter lots of racism say in Marlboro. We need bus or train access to the city, good schools, any other suggestions. Max budget $600,000. TIA Please help me out UB is my last hope. I don't know anyone who will be honest with me about this area. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:20 PM Flag
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Did you go on city data forum? Marlboro is very Jewish. What about Westfield or Berkeley heights [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:25 PM Flag
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I tried city data but everything I brought up was from like 2011 maybe I need to search better and I wasn't sure the site was that active. We saw a beautiful home in Marlboro but didn't put in a bid because of my fears. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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What about East Brunswick? Schools are excellent and there is a pretty diverse population since it is close to Princeton U and Rutgers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:32 PM Flag
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Thanks will look into it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
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Also look at Freehold [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:37 PM Flag
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What about Holmdel, NJ or Freehold, NJ? A bit more diverse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
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Holmdel has south Asians but not Hispanics. Also not sure how far 600k would go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:40 PM Flag
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We tried Holmdel first cant afford it right now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:46 PM Flag
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These, or Edison, NJ. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:42 PM Flag
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Does Edison actually have good schools? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:46 PM Flag
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We started in Edison but it felt cold, like the people I met were not that friendly. I could have just had a strew of bad luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:47 PM Flag
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OP- Thanks guys East Brunswhick looks like a nice place to try it. I am going to concentrate on this for the time being. Freehold is a bit further than my husband wants to go, however east Brunswhick is 10 min closer and every minute counts when it comes to him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:51 PM Flag
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side note: did you convert after getting married? are your dc muslim? Just curious because I was engaged to a Pakistani man and we had to end it b/c of religious differences. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:53 PM Flag
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I converted before I met my husband. Wouldn't do that for any man. It's too much discrimination now a days and it's been very hard for me to go through and to know my daughter will also. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:04 PM Flag
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or: I hear you, and I empathize. Good luck with your home search! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:07 PM Flag
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Thanks, we are thinking of starting out in one house but we know if we see it's not a good fit and the kids are not happy we will move in another 2 or 3 years if need be. Just going to Jersey is big for us, and we are not happy about it but we do feel it's best for the kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:20 PM Flag
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or: good that you're doing your homework now. I knew of a black couple who moved to Northern NJ (not sure where), and they had to move back to the city. The racism became too much for their dc to handle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:27 PM Flag
[ - ] I have worked so hard post-divorce to build my life again, set boundaries, etc. Five years later, and I am still dealing with exDH that is abusive, manipulative, and just won't stop and my children and I still pay the price. Feeling very hopeless right now, as it just doesn't seem like anything can really stop him. 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:13 PM Flag
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Ita. In the same boat . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:15 PM Flag
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I'm so sorry. I also divorced a toxic manipulative abusive man. Kids are older but I'll still have to interact with him. They get off on making us miserable. Hugs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:22 PM Flag
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thank you. I certainly know that life isn't fair but it does indeed feel very unfair. And I do all the things you are supposed to do in terms of boundaries, distance, etc. and while that probably mitigates the damage some, it doesn't stop him. My DCs are in high school and he does the same stuff to them - I don't doubt that eventually they will see things for what they are but it is so hard to watch him use them, manipulate them, be warm then mean depending on what suits him, and the like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:26 PM Flag
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They will see through him. I have a boy and a girl and I can tell they don't want to spend much time with him anymore. Hang in there. Glad you got out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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My DCs also don't want to spend as much time with him anymore, which of course only enraged him more and now engaged in a really awful custody battle. There is no reasoning with him and no limit to his willingness to manipulate, lie, twist things, and rage - though he is also smart very charming and going through the legal process with him is hellish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:45 PM Flag
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He has narcissistic personality disorder. Everything you describe makes me positive this is what he has. Outwardly charming; charming to others; he saves the abuse for you and he does it in private. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:59 PM Flag
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You don't know that he has narcissistic personality disorder at all. He's angry and still locked in a struggle with op. We can only guess why. But putting silly labels on people you don't know is not helpful. Suggestions about how you've coped with similar situations might actually help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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I don't consider that a silly label. I recognize his behavior from my experience with my own ex who my therapist agreed COMPLETELY had all the characteristics of someone with NPD. It helped me understand his behavior instead of wondering if I'd set him off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:38 PM Flag
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Specifically OP said: "There is no reasoning with him and no limit to his willingness to manipulate, lie, twist things, and rage - though he is also smart very charming and going through the legal process with him is hellish." Google NPD and you'll see that this is exactly what they do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:39 PM Flag
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you are hearing one side of the story, my friend divorced a lovely man, and I listen to her tell bullshit lies that appear true from her warped point of view. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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OP - I think your DH's new girlfriend is posting here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:53 PM Flag
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so he is fighting for access to his children [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:44 PM Flag
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I could've written your post, in the same boat, almost 7 years. I wish that I knew you IRL. There are not many like us and I would welcome the support. It's a tough road and most people just don't get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:24 PM Flag
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Same (2nd poster above). That's the worst part about abuse. Nobody believes you. I'd tell girlfriends stuff DH said and they were silent. Like they couldn't believe it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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Tell me I'll believe you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:46 PM Flag
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Gaslighting. Total cruel even sadistic manipulation. I'd say more but I have a horrible day at work ahead and I'll start crying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:50 PM Flag
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OP and my goodness do I know how you feel. It is just awful, there is no other way to describe it. And FWIW, I am a mature, independent, professional, have-my-shit together kind of person normally but have had to fight back tears at work so many times because of what he does. GL going forward. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:10 PM Flag
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thanks you too. I'm the same (mature, independent, etc.) Just created an email account if you want to continue the conversation: newfriends.urbanbaby@gmail.com. OP -- you too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:14 PM Flag
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even just reading that made me feel a little better. You are right that most people don't get it and that makes it isolating sometimes. People assume that if I just "set boundaries" things will magically get better or the common mantra of "always say nice things about your exDH to support good co-parenting" (which I do) but have no idea what it is like to put on that happy face at a soccer game when less than 24 hours before, you have had to listen to your exDH call DC and yell and meanly blame them/make them feel guilty for something that was so clearly exDH fault and DC, in an effort to decrease the drama and insults, is just repeatedly apologizing for something that is in no way their fault. Or find out that exDH is calling your colleagues under the guise of networking, and then tries to investigate your life and spread rumors. And a thousand other things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:33 PM Flag
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Again, so sorry. It hurts to see your DCs hurt. Have you considered therapy? For yourself, and maybe DCs? Or maybe family therapy? Where you can all discuss his behavior, how to cope without shutting him out of their lives, and how to heal? It's so easy for kids to blame themselves for this s*** and it's so corrosive. Hugs again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
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I did a little therapy, right now struggling to find time to do it. He will only allow DCs to go to therapy if it is cojoint family counseling with him and DCs only, will not allow them to have individual therapy. We share legal custody and shared decision making on health things and I have tried but have not been able to get him to budge on this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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Oh God what a prick. Then you might have to do it yourself. Say "when Dad says XYZ, I realize I have a choice on how to react. What he says is more about him than about me. I know I'm a good person. Sure I'm not perfect, but he doesn't get to tell me who I am or if I'm good or not." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:49 PM Flag
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Maybe it is time to try for full custody - or would the process get to nasty? If you have full custody, you get to decide. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:51 PM Flag
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DCs are now staying with me nearly full time and I decided to try and make it formal. He is fighting terribly and yes, he is just getting nastier. I am so tired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:07 PM Flag
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Sorry - He sounds super nasty. I don't have any good suggestions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:37 PM Flag
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thanks. I have run out of ideas too, it just is very hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:41 PM Flag
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With respect to the kids, after a call like that, please sit them down, and tell them they did nothing wrong, that their father is out of line, and that his behavior is selfish and cruel. Even take the phone from the children, say they have nothing to apologize for, and hang up on him. At this point, I really don't think you have to pretend to the DCs that their dad is a good man. Clearly, he is not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:54 PM Flag
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ITA. You've done everything you could to be a good wife even after divorce. Pull back the curtains. You pretending things are ok does not help your kids. Help them talk about their feelings. Otherwise he's winning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:00 PM Flag
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I have sort of done that once or twice, but everyone just keeps saying "never say anything bad about exDH" and especially because we are now, 5 years out, in a custody matter in court, I am so afraid that if I do that he will say I am disparaging him to them (indeed, he has already said that). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:08 PM Flag
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For a long time, when we were married, I'd make excuses to DCs for his behavior. For the broken promises "he must have forgotten." For the rage, "he's really stressed right now." I don't do that anymore. I validate their feelings at his behavior. "I bet you feel angry or disappointed or upset right now. Anyone would feel that way." and I try to break the chain "I bet when you're a daddy and you make a promise you'll keep it." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:19 PM Flag
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I think you and the kids should start to record his nasty telephone calls. It will help you, if he tries to bring up the disparaging comments. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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Are your kids in therapy? If so, the issues with their dad can be dealt with but you will remain completely out of it so he can't accuse you of disparaging him to them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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I think OP said he won't allow it unless he's there and she isn't [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:36 PM Flag
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OP, I am so sorry. I am 8 months into a divorce from an emotionally and verbally abusive narcissist. Fortunately, my DC are old enough, younger off to college next year, that I should not have to have continuing interaction with him after things are final. I am a very strong and resourceful person, with wonderful support from my siblings, my friends, and my older DC (who is a young adult), but in the last week I've gotten to the point that I've had nightmares about the H and I had an anxiety attack yesterday. All I can offer you is my sympathy and good thoughts. There are so many of us on UB. I wish we could form a support group IRL. No one understands what these men are like if they haven't experienced it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:53 PM Flag
[ - ] What was your favorite "safety"/non-TT ongoing and why? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 02.11.16, 03:12 PM Flag
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Chapin, Sacred Heart, Brearley, Hewitt. because dd is on the shy side and needs a warm nurturing environment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:20 PM Flag
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SS is better for shy girls [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:21 PM Flag
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agree, these schools help girls come out of their shells. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:22 PM Flag
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Ok, I have DD, not shy, and we're interested in coed schools, so what did you like the most that's not impossible to get into? Live in midtown, so we could travel to UES, UWS, downtown... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:28 PM Flag
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look at Cathedral [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:31 PM Flag
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Did you pick one of these for DD? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:35 PM Flag
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Okaaaayyy..Chapin and Brearley are safe? LOL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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I am impressed by the endurance of the anti-ss troll [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
[ - ] My DD who really has no clue who Oprah is and saw the commercial said "wow she really like bread!" Lol yea enjoy your 10 yo metabolism & innocence. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:12 PM Flag
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Cute. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:14 PM Flag
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Awww [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:29 PM Flag
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That's funny. At the bakery this morning my son told me "you really like your bagels huh?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Which pronunciation is correct? Species: Speesees or Speeshees ? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:10 PM Flag
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You can't google this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:11 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:12 PM Flag
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I. Sorry! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:13 PM Flag
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google says you can use both [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:13 PM Flag
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there is no formal correct in linguistics- different parts of the country pronounce Mary, merry, and marry differently. I would do the former on species but others might do the latter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:13 PM Flag
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Like Gro-sery vs. Grosh-ry (grocery) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:15 PM Flag
[ - ] I am so sleepy right now.. How will i go through the entire day in office. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:06 PM Flag
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Can you go home for a bit? I'm taking a nap now. Kids are off to school, zzzzzz. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:07 PM Flag
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No i cant go home... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:08 PM Flag
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NP: Yeah, most office jobs kind of like you to, you know, be there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:09 PM Flag
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I do not want to make my thread as SAHM vs WOHM.. I was home for 18 months after the birth of my daughter. Staying home is not easy with infants and toddlers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:12 PM Flag
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Um... that wasn't at all where I was going with this. It was suggested that OP "go home for a bit" to take a nap. In my 25+ years of employment at various jobs, that has never ever, ever been an option. I think whether you WOH or SAH this would be common knowledge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:14 PM Flag
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lol! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:12 PM Flag
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Out of touch with the working world much? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:27 PM Flag
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oh stop [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:36 PM Flag
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Take a 15-minute walk and have some green tea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:22 PM Flag
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Venti latte. That's what I drank when I had to be up after DB was first born. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.11.16, 03:34 PM Flag
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