September 10, 2007

Making the Grade

Revving up for the school year, many parents score high marks in hyper-parenting. But, like over-studying for a test, too much preparation and pressure can be detrimental.

Ann Dunnewold, Ph.D., is a psychologist and author of "Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box: Cut Yourself Some Slack (and Still Raise Great Kids) in the Age of Extreme Parenting." She talks about her "surefire steps to a successful school year":

War and Peace: Parenting is not a competition. Connect with other parents by commiserating over your stresses rather than tallying your child's accomplishments. There is a niche for every child. Parenting is about enriching the individual child rather than molding kids with the same activities.

Great Expectations: Keep a rational perspective. Too many people focus on the end goal – in many cases, acceptance into an Ivy. Just because your child doesn't get into a select preschool or make the soccer time doesn't mean he's destined for failure.

Much Ado About Nothing: Dole out too much praise to your child and you lose your credibility. Constantly commending children for every little thing teaches them that praise, rather than learning, is the goal. Effective praise validates a child's experience that he has different strengths and weaknesses, and that no child is good at everything – good preparation for college and adulthood.

Little Women (or Men): Teach personal responsibility. Kids are more competent than we give them credit for. There's nothing wrong with expecting a 5-year-old to remember her backpack. One reminder is sufficient. Don't bale them out by racing to school with a forgotten item... unless said item is your kindergartner's lunch.

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