UrbanBaby

[ - ] Mother of a Brearley high school student here. I'd be happy to answer any questions about the school! Hope this is helpful. 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 01.04.10, 08:13 PM Flag

How do they meet boys? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:14 PM Flag

The single sex schools aren't bubbles; in the middle school there are dances and shared activities--I remember an exchange day--and I think they either have male friends from middle school or meet them through other girls the high school. I believe there is also a service day, which includes boys from Collegiate, and then there is always theatre, which brings in high school boys from the city. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:23 PM Flag

In my experience, girls either have male friends from middle school--there are plenty of dances and other planned activities, especially with Collegiate--or make them in high school through their female friends. But there are also coed activities for high school girls. I believe there is a service day, involving Collegiate boys, for the high school, and there is the Sophomore trip to Frost Valley with other girls schools and Browning and Collegiate. And for girls interested in theater, boys are brought in for the mainstage productions. My daughter does act or do tech, but some of her close friends do, and they've made male friends through the productions. Hope this is helpful. Bottom line, if girls want to have male friends, they can, and almost always do. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:27 PM Flag

np - Out of curiosity, did you also write the post right above this one? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:32 PM Flag

nnp: i'm going to guess . . . YES! of course she wrote both. thought the first did not post so rewrote the second. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:56 PM Flag

Our dd is new in Middle School. Any advice for us? Does the math become more rigorous? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:22 PM Flag

Ugh. I just tried to post this, but my computer's internet went down. Sorry if this post appears twice. By the way, my internet was malfunctioning last night, which is why I didn't respond, although I think "it would be helpful if you would respond" and "did you stick around to actually answer any questions" are quite rude. I believe I'm the one spending my time answering questions... Anyway, I wrote a pretty long response to this question, but I guess it didn't go through. My dd is very good at math so I'm most familiar with her advanced classes, but I do know that there are three or four levels of math per grade throughout the high school; in this way, the teachers really do try to help girls of all mathematical abilities. Obviously the classes--Algebra II, Calculus...--are more advanced in the high school, but again, there are varying levels of difficulty. If your dd is really having trouble, she should ask for a "float" or two (or more) with her math teacher. At various points in her high school career, my dd has had isolated or recurring floats with teachers and they have usually been very helpful. Teachers are more often than not very generous with their time. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 04:17 PM Flag

Thanks for responding. BTW, I was goinng to post if you agreed with me that the PE dept runs the school and saw your post below! I've just been surprised that dd has found math soo easy (in advanced track) and was wondering if it picked up a bit. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 08:59 PM Flag

oh, well it does! My dd found math quite easy in middle school and is now in an extremely challenging class. I don't know why but I assumed your dd was having the opposite problem. A few years ago, they instituted a new level of math for high schoolers, which eventually ends up with them taking Calculus in junior year and Linear Algebra--whatever that is!--in senior year, so again, if you want it to be, the math can be very challenging. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 03:46 AM Flag

Thanks! Good to know. I just had not had a chance to follow up on the big picture of the math curriculum. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 11:02 AM Flag

THat is not impressive AT ALL. I took calculus in sophomore year at my podunk public school in the blah burb. I'd think at TT HS, they should offer far more college level math classes than just Calc and Linear Algebra. How lame. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.26.10, 08:28 AM Flag

It would be helpful if you would respond. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:23 PM Flag

How many girls who started with your daughter have left for other schools (not moved, etc.)? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:30 PM Flag

My dd started at the beginning of middle school, and I'd say that about 1-3 girls left every year. Mostly they simply wanted a coed environment or a boarding school, but for some the academics were too intense. And I think my dd really enjoyed having new girls enter her grade throughout middle school and in freshman year. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 04:20 PM Flag

where did dd go for elem. school? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 11:04 AM Flag

Has your dd been there from kindergarten? What 3 things would you change about the school if you could? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 08:30 PM Flag

She came at the beginning of middle school. I think the atmosphere in the high school can be very stressful at times. Mostly, I believe this comes from the girls themselves; I often have to remind my dd to stop procrastinating and complaining about how much work she has. I'm not sure if this is unique to Brearley or if this atmosphere prevails at many of the top private schools in the city. But again, I think this is generated by the student body. I also know that my dd hasn't been too thrilled with science at Brearley in the high school--maybe this is just because high school science in general is just not the most exciting; I'm sure the science department is not that different from those at other comparable schools. Third thing... this is small, but I think the p.e. department has too much power in the school, but then again, my dd's not exactly a "sport's person." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 04:26 PM Flag

As the mom of 2 teens at specialized HS's I'd have to say that the tendency to complain and procrastinate about a heavy homework load is typical of any teen in an academically rigorous school. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 04:59 AM Flag

Did you stick around to actually answer any questions? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 04:57 AM Flag

Are interactions with boys outside of school "sexualized"? Here's what I mean. I went to an all girls camp. We had socials with boys camps once a week. We got all gussied up, talked all day about it, then danced, maybe kissed, went back to our bunks and talked all night about. There were no casual, friendly, accidental interactions with the opposite sex. This made it all seem very high pressure and high stakes. I have a preference for coed education because of this experience. Thoughts? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 08:23 AM Flag

np - I felt exactly the same way at my all women's college. Except for HS male friends, all the new guys you met were about sex and dating - no friendships were developed. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 11:03 AM Flag

Yes and no. Because there are only two all boys schools and many girls schools in interschool, the ratio is in the boys' favor, and so some of them become quite arrogant and even misogynistic--my dd might not use such a strong word. And, of course, teenage girls will be teenage girls wherever they go to school; I think that in NYC private schools in general, interactions between the sexes are sexualized. But there are also casual, fun, simple relationship. As I mentioned above, most of the girls who want to have male friends do have male friends, whether they belong to interschool or not. I think it's a trade off. Perhaps interactions are occasionally more sexualized at a girls school, but when I was visiting schools with my dd, we were both distressed by the girls' behavior in class. Again and again we saw boys dominating discussions and some girls even playing dumb. At Brearley there is obviously none of this. And one thing I love about the school is that my daughter feels so comfortable being vocal in class, demonstrating passion for both academics and art, and going to school in sweat pants and sans makeup. You just have to decide what's best for you personally. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.05.10, 04:35 PM Flag

You say the "high school can be very stressful at times," which comes as no surprise. But can you say more about the general feeling at the school? I am concerned that the middle and upper schools may be oppressively stressful. A friend told me he did not send his daughter there because every B grad he knew at Harvard undergrad seemed to be an unhappy overachiever. But it still would seem crazy to me to pass up any opportunity to have daughter there, particularly given the college admissions stats blow every other school we are looking at (C, S, Dalton, CSH, MM) away. Having the choice would be quite the luxury problem, but a problem nonetheless. Do you have any sense as to whether the girls are happy? Concerned father. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 12:49 PM Flag

np; that is bec B girls accept HYP acceptances. Other school grads don't nec'ly accept HYP accepts they are offered. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 01:24 PM Flag

That is difficult to believe. Are you being serious? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 01:31 PM Flag

I'm totally serious. Also, consider where bottom 50% B girls go to for college as well, not just the top 20%. Not to mention the majority of graduating seniors are not lifers. They were recruited for MS and HS. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.07.10, 06:34 PM Flag

"that is bec B girls accept HYP acceptances. Other school grads don't nec'ly accept HYP accepts they are offered." By this logic, wouldn't some B girls also turn down HYP acceptances? Sorry, this post doesn't make sense to me. Although I agree that you can't place too much importance on college statistics. Very often students apply early to schools that are not ivys although they could get into ivys. Then again, there are many legacies at all of these schools... But there's no doubt the girls are going to incredible schools, even the girls at the bottom of the class. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.07.10, 08:38 PM Flag

It is true that my dd has been extremely stressed out at times, and I doubt that very many schools have as rigorous a curriculum; there is certainly a lot expected from these Brearley girls, and hanging out on the weekdays with friends is virtually impossible, but how different can this be from comparable schools? (Most B girls are also involved in lots of extracurricular activities.) But, every time I ask my dd what school would she choose if she were to do it over again, she says she would go to B in a second, even during those moments of stress. She has become so articulate and thoughtful--just the way in which she has been taught to think analytically amazes me--and now has a wonderful work ethic and understands the importance of time management. When it comes down to it, your child needs to LOVE learning and have intellectual curiosity. It's not enough to be smart. If my dd had been a girl mainly interested in the social scene and drama, I would not have sent her to B, simply because I don't think it would be the right place for her. And I would definitely not characterize girls as unhappy overachievers. Of course, there are going to be a few girls like that in ever school, and it's sad, but whenever I see Brearley girls I am struck by how happy they seem. Honestly. Whenever I enter the lobby I see girls laughing and chatting with friends--whether they're complaining about an English essay, discussing Nietzsche or squealing about a favorite television show. Again, all kids go through moments of feel overwhelmed by their work, and a few of my daughter's friends have gone through periods of feeling academically mediocre because of the rigor of the program. But in general, the school seems like a great place to be during the week. And although I hate when people stereotype kids from any of these schools, I have to say that B girls really celebrate their excitement to learn and, as cheesy as this sounds, "be themselves." For the most part, each of them is passionate about something, and they take pleasure in their quirks. And the student body is certainly quirky--in the best way possible. My daughter shows me some of the emails girls send to her class conference, and I have to laugh out loud at these girls' humor and, well, nerdiness--without the negative connotations. One more thing: when I visited the school with my dd, neither of us were too impressed. So we visited a second time. We were actually choosing between Horace Mann and B, and hadn't decided by the night before the decision was due. (Although in retrospect, I don't think HM would have been a good fit for my dd.) It was our lower school principal who convinced me to send her to B. I'm not trying to tell you that you should ignore your instincts. Not at all. But if you're nervous about the school, try to talk to current parents and even students, and if you need to--if your dd gets in--have her visit more than once. I'm sorry this answer is so long, but I am just incredibly thankful to the education Brearley has provided my dd. I can truly say that because of the school she is a self-possessed, confident, intelligent, mature, and HAPPY girl. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 06:05 PM Flag

Thank you very, very much for the generosity of your time, thought and effort in that note. I greatly appreciate it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 07:10 PM Flag

No problem! As I said earlier, I'm so thankful for my dd's B education. The school is not right for everyone, but it's been incredible for us. Good luck with the school search! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.06.10, 07:14 PM Flag

Are you still here? Are you an upper east sider? We were wowed by the open house the other night, but not sure the UES scene is where we belong. Do you live in a different neighborhood or in the area? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.07.10, 04:05 PM Flag

I'm glad you enjoyed the open house! I live uws. Many of the girls in my dd's grade live uws. I would venture to say almost half, but I could be wrong. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "UES scene," but I've found parents to be nice on the whole, and there are very few snobby mothers that fit the UES stereotype, although their are some VERY privileged families. If I'm not answering your question, feel free to elaborate. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.07.10, 08:35 PM Flag

My two daughters were accepted into Brearley for next year. We were looking for apartments and townhouses, but we are a little lost- considering we have never lived in the city before (we come from LI). Where would the majority of the B girls live? My daughters were thrilled with the idea of walking to school, but do more girls live on the UWS than the UES? Thanks. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.25.10, 08:33 PM Flag

LOL, a LI invasion of Brearley. Love it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.26.10, 08:29 AM Flag

half at UWS? I assume almost half live in the UES, so nobody from the Bronx, Brooklyn, downtown or upper manhattan pretty much? yikes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.26.10, 08:32 AM Flag

[ - ] 16yo dd just discovered that she forgot to pack ALL her pants when we packed to come home from vacation. I know she is upset...but I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for her 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 01.03.10, 03:32 PM Flag

can you call the hotel where you stayed and have them mailed back to you. you don't have to tell her right away that is what you did [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 03:43 PM Flag

yeah, that's what I'm going to do, but it's a condo that you rent weekly...so we have to pay for the shipping. still irritating [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 04:24 PM Flag

too bad, don't buy her new ones. she's 16yo, she needs to grow up. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 03:49 PM Flag

now how in the world is that going to work? could you make it without ANY pants? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 03:53 PM Flag

Who takes ALL of their pants on vacation? If I took one pair for each day of a two week vacation, I'd still have some left. Of course my favorites would probably have been lost, but I'd have some grungy, 5 yo jeans from the Gap, so sweat pants, and some work pants around! Take her to kmart, and let her get a couple pair, and have her wash them every 3 or 4 days. If she goes to private school she only needs them on weekend as she wears a skirt anyway, right? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 04:00 PM Flag

You spend a lot of $ on clothes then. A 16 year-old can't wear her "5 yo jeans from the Gap" since she is no longer the size she was at age 11. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 06:43 PM Flag

I haven't grown since 8th grade, so maybe not since 11...but def from the last 2-3 years is a possibility. And I don't spend a ton, I do buy new things when I find them on sale, and if I really like something I'll get 4 pairs. But I also keep old jeans around for painting with the kids, etc. I have two pair of velour sweats, 2 pair of running pants, a pair of khakis, 2 courds, and prob a weeks worth of jeans, maybe more in my closet now. The rest is at other house/storage. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 06:48 PM Flag

any pants? do u think the kid packed every last pair of pants she owned to go on a trip? now htat would be sad. anyway OP, call the hotel. maybe they can ship them to u. unless they were vuitton jeans, I doubt anyone is really gonna steal 3 pairs of a 16 yr olds pants.. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 04:01 PM Flag

obviously if we're in nyc and she was wearing the pants in FL then she's not going to need them any time soon. this kid needs to grow up. let her get a job, make some money, buy some pants on her own. i was paying for my through life at 17, why can't she? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 04:36 PM Flag

oh please. she was just being a teenager. she is normally very responsible in most areas. I imagine when you have a teen, you'll be a bit less rigid [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 04:59 PM Flag

it she's normally responsible and this is an isolated incident then get over it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 05:00 PM Flag

np: all she said is that she is having a hard time feeling sorry for her daughter. i think this probably falls into the category of momentary frustration with a teenage child... i don't think op made it out to be some horrible episode in their lives! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 05:03 PM Flag

exactly [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 05:04 PM Flag

I am over it, but thanks [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 05:03 PM Flag

FYI- I lost two of my son's favorite baseball caps and his 'best' polo shirt on vacation. And I'm the mother. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 05:37 PM Flag

I love this post! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.03.10, 07:32 PM Flag

the beauty of it is this - she will have to do without "all" of her "favorite" pants until they get shipped back - the punishment fits the crime and she did it to herself - a natural consequence of her own forgetful behavior - and a great learning experience. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.04.10, 06:27 PM Flag

[ - ] Last week my DD's psychology called me because she wanted to talk, she said that my daughter is behaving "badly" because I don't pay attention in my daughters needs. I was in shock when she said that. I do what I can do to go out and talk to her, but she doesn't want it, she avoid to go out with me and I have become a stranger in my Daughter's life. Her psychology said that she is suffering of lack of attention and affection. I'm so pissy because i can't do nothing to change this! 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.31.09, 11:44 AM Flag

How old is your daughter? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 11:45 AM Flag

15 [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 11:48 AM Flag

Is this fake? No shrink would do this, IMHO. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 11:48 AM Flag

but she did [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 11:49 AM Flag

Psychologist's information comes only from your daughter. She should not assume that what DD says is the whole truth. Plus, this issue is too involved to deal with by calling you to tell you what to do. You misunderstood? Bad psychologist? Bogus post? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.01.10, 06:39 AM Flag

what is your native language? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 01:00 PM Flag

gotta be Cantonese. I can almost smell the garlic! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 03:42 PM Flag

op: Russian. My english is not THAT bad... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 03:48 PM Flag

okay, then practice this: psychologist. pajalista [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 06:55 PM Flag

thank you for the advice [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 07:09 PM Flag

slow day at the office? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 01:18 PM Flag

You might just have to make her. Plan something you might be able to enjoy together, force her out, and just wait till she starts talking. She will, because you are her mother and she wants you to understand her, just on her terms. So let her talk, and dont judge her at all, let her say whatever she likes, and maybe you will get to know her better, and by doing that, you will find new ways to connect with her and show her affection that she will see and feel. She is just beginning to figure out what she needs to make a relationship fulfilling. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.31.09, 04:30 PM Flag

[ - ] Parents of teen girls: there's a PBS show on the lives of teenage girls starting now on PBS, hosted by Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out (8PM, ch. 13, NYC, Wed. night Dec.30) 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.30.09, 05:03 PM Flag

thank you. i cannot watch the office repeats for the fifth time! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:05 PM Flag

Haha - my feelings exactly! Happy to change the channel... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:14 PM Flag

Love the Office, but too many repeats! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:15 PM Flag

OMG, 25% of teens are obese? That would KILL me if dh was obese at 15 years old. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:11 PM Flag

I will skewer my teen if she is like "the average teen girl" and receives 2,000 text messages a month. WTF? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:18 PM Flag

Remember each side of a text conversation counts as a "message." Every "lol" is a full message. It's incredible that the phone companies get away with this. It's like being charged for each word or sentence of a phone conversation. I don't think it would happen if men were the texters. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:37 PM Flag

Most people pay a flat rate - $5/$10 a month for unlimited texting [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:39 PM Flag

Right--but people pay the flat rate to avoid exorbitant charges. The actual data stream used in texting is tiny--the companies are getting a lot of money for a feature that uses almost none of their resources. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:44 PM Flag

np: life's not fair. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:45 PM Flag

I have to turn it off now. I simply cannot watch girl-on-girl fistfights. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:31 PM Flag

I love her but don't have a TV - I'll have to see what they post on line, thanks [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:33 PM Flag

You really don't own a TV? Serious? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:35 PM Flag

Really [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:35 PM Flag

NP: I don't either. Well, we own a tv but we don't get any channels (kind of on purpose), so we just use it for dvds. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:50 PM Flag

I hope they soon get to the "and here's what you can do to combat the problem" part. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:34 PM Flag

What is the name of the show? I wonder if I could watch on-line. No TV :( [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 05:51 PM Flag

A Girl's Life, on PBS, hosted by Rachel Simmons [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 06:20 PM Flag

Thanks! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 06:23 PM Flag

Watched it and was in tears at the end. I want to support that school in East Harlem!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 06:27 PM Flag

[ - ] We were considering going to Chapin/Spence/All Girls Private for high school for my daughter. Are these schools hard to get into for high school? SHe went to private school. As in all subjects. Very athletic. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.30.09, 12:36 PM Flag

actually I found the answer to this. nvr mind. I wish I could delete UB posts. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.30.09, 12:39 PM Flag

[ - ] Any suggestions for a summer photography program for a teen in New York City? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.27.09, 07:34 AM Flag

If you can afford it, you can hire a private tutor to work a mini-course for your teen. Fabulous for one-on-one and allowing the curriculum to follow your dc's specific interests. We know a published photographer who also does photography tutoring for a few clients a season. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.27.09, 10:12 AM Flag

This can be a great option if your dc is interested in the business of photography, too, and not just the art of it, because they can get some one-on-one mentoring with a working pro. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.28.09, 07:33 PM Flag

Int. Center for Photography, FIT [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.27.09, 10:22 AM Flag

[ - ] I am so angry with my parents. I have a 15yo dd and they gave for her as christmas present a ridiculou amount of money. I don't even know why they gave her money, because she doesn't need it. I'm so angry with them!!! 50 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.26.09, 09:46 AM Flag

^ ridiculous [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:47 AM Flag

how much did they give her, is it enough to start a saving account? that would be a great to teach her to put away her money. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:51 AM Flag

30k [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:54 AM Flag

wow. that's crazy!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:57 AM Flag

np--Maybe have her research a trip. I would go to Africa or Asia with that kind of money. I would want my child to understand that a gift of that magnitude is not the norm in the world and that she has a responsibility to others. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 10:00 AM Flag

good idea [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 10:05 AM Flag

that, or even put it away for college or a trust. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 06:34 PM Flag

over annual gift tax limit even! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:54 AM Flag

Why don't you be the responsible parent and bank it for her? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:50 AM Flag

She already has a bank account, the problem is that this money according to my parents "is for fun" and she'll not let me bank it [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:56 AM Flag

30k all for fun??? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:57 AM Flag

YES! That's why I'm angry. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:59 AM Flag

I'd be beyond livid, but then, I can't imagine my parents doing something like that without discussing it with me first (and I'd have said No, too). The cash is just so they could get around having you rip up a check. it was presented to your DD as a done deal. Now you have to be the responsible parent and either refuse the gift (she's still a minor and you do get to do that) or set some serious limits on how/when it can be spent. Good luck - you have an uphill battle in front of you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 07:29 PM Flag

Your dd needs to learn financial responsibility, and one aspect of that is a "plan" for the money- even if she plans to blow it all. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 10:01 AM Flag

I agree. Giving her $30K with no guidelines is like giving her a motorcycle with no riding lessons (or helmet, for that matter.) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 10:04 AM Flag

Yeah, that's nuts. Fortunately, you're the parent, not them. You can say, great kid, you will get $X and I'd like a plan on how you'd like to invest the rest. Get the kid into day trading. :) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 05:12 PM Flag

Insist she divide it up into percentages of your choice for: savings, charity, and spending. maybe 50%/40%/10%? She could research charities to find the ones that she likes best. Or she could research companies and buy some stock with the "savings" portion. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:52 AM Flag

My kid's grandparents are all dead. Both sides. Don't sweat the small stuff, eh. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 09:55 AM Flag

30K in cash?? You are the parent here. She can have a small percentage of it, but most of it must be put away. If your parents gave her a gun, and she'll 'not let you' take it away, you'll give in?! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 10:19 AM Flag

Yep in cash. I'll have to talk to her, but she spoiled as hell and she knows that her father will support her decision. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 10:29 AM Flag

^ she is. typo [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 10:32 AM Flag

Take this tack: You want the cash to be vulnerable to theft? Keep it in the apartment. You want it to be safe? Put it in the bank. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:15 AM Flag

Tell her that's the money she'll need for her spending $$ for all 4 years of college. She'd better put it away now, or she'll have to get a job in college. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:17 AM Flag

You should make sure to check the tax implications before she blows all of it even though it's a grandparents gift. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:28 AM Flag

OP, are you listening? This poster is 100% correct. She owes tax on anything beyond the maximum allowable giftm, which I think is about $12,000 from EACH grandparent in one year. She definitely owes tax on the remainder over that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:37 AM Flag

Trusts & estates mom here: This isn't quite correct. A person can give a maximum of $13,000 per year to a particular individual without the having made a taxable gift. OP's parents (2 individuals) can give a maximum of $26,000 to OP's daughter without having made a taxable gift. The $4,000 balance would be a taxable gift, but gift tax would need to be paid on this balance only if OP's parents had each already made taxable gifts in excess of their $1,000,000 lifetime exempt amounts. And even if OP's parents have already made taxable gifts in excess of their $1,000,000 lifetime exempt amounts, OP's parents and not OP's daughter would be responsible for paying gift tax on the $4,000. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:59 AM Flag

OP listen to this - it is correct. That of course doesn't change the fact that your parents are extremely inappropriate in what they did. I think you need to talk to them asap about how this will be handled going forward. I understand what they are doing but there are way better ways to do it. Is this what they did with you with $$ also how did YOUR grandparents handle these things and how did your parents feel about it? As for the $30K - it is in cash? Like they handed her a box w/ $30K? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 01:00 PM Flag

Yep in cash. The money was in a big purse, and she thought that it was her present, she was greatful for it and then my mother said 'open the purse' and the money was there. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 01:47 PM Flag

ahem, where did they get 30K in cash? That sounds pretty weird to me. Do they have extra cash that they won't miss if they get rid of, like, you know? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 02:01 PM Flag

They have money 30k is nothing to them [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 02:27 PM Flag

I understand, but cash? That's the extra weird part. Most people do not have access to that kind of cash unless they have a cash business or some cash income from another source. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 02:33 PM Flag

Yes, the cash is rather suspect. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 02:34 PM Flag

well, i don't know. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 02:37 PM Flag

NP: I know very, very wealthy families that have that kind of cash in a safe in their homes. And the grandparents could have withdrawn $10K per day from a bank for 3 days with no reporting requirements. It's not unheard of - particularly for a wealthy couple around the holidays, who will be handing out big cash tips to staff or vendors (hairdressers, etc.). They did it so that OP wouldn't be able to just say "No, I'm ripping up the check." It's harder to do that when presented with a stack of cash. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 07:42 PM Flag

Thank you so much. i'll talk to my dh about it right now! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 01:43 PM Flag

Do they WANT her to do drugs??? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:56 AM Flag

Wow. I could really use that money. If only...wow. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 02:33 PM Flag

Your parents are crooks who apparently know they're about to be caught. Who gives $30,000 in CASH? Now that your DC is in on the proceeds, they're probably hoping you'll play ball when the cops come knockin'. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 03:01 PM Flag

I know it's weird but my parents always worked to give me and siblins the best. They would never do anything illegal [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 03:13 PM Flag

yet another fake post. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 03:08 PM Flag

I would be angry at your parents as well . . . for raising such an ungrateful brat. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 03:17 PM Flag

i'm not a brat [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 03:33 PM Flag

Wow. Talk about missing the point entirely. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 06:30 PM Flag

My parents always did everything to give me and my sister the best and they DIDN"T have a lot. Julliard, Harvard, everything, with loans that my dad just paid off last year. Anyway--the cash thing....are you the one who was saying your family is "connected" as in mafia? There is more to this than meets the eye. Cash can only be for the purpose of being undetected. They could have just as easily given a check. The points on the gift tax are moot, my dears.... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 03:45 PM Flag

No i'm not, my family is not connected with mafia. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 04:22 PM Flag

i wish i could be angry at my parents [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 05:13 PM Flag

FAKE. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 06:31 PM Flag

well, if you didn't live in NYC, I'd suggest she put it toward a car and all of her car insurance until she graduates from college. (assuming you are in agood position with regard to paying for college and any study abroad,etc for her). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 07:23 PM Flag

I would be angry too - how can your dd have motivation to earn money in the future if it's just handed to her virtually on a silver platter w/o her having to do ANYTHING. But you salvage this-bank most for something educational like a great trip that will enhance her knowledge of the world; then choose a charity, like a homeless shelter or foodbank to make a generous donation to, and let her buy something "fun" for herself for $500-$1k. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.27.09, 01:18 AM Flag

Put it in an account for college!!!!!!! It's coming up soon! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.27.09, 06:15 AM Flag

[ - ] Anyone here with teenagers in a TT school? Please name the school and say the positive and negative things in HS! TIA 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.25.09, 03:39 PM Flag

Yes B and Coll. Academics amazing very nurturing environments in the early years, not close to the amount of $$ issues with families this board would have you believe. BUT study time and homework assignments in the upper schools are college level balance. Too much and not enough time for other activities. Both my DCs have had to drop either a sport or an instrument instruction because of 'pressure' to do well post 9th grade [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.25.09, 07:09 PM Flag

np--There's a plus for boarding schools. Sports and other outside activities are structured into the day. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.25.09, 07:49 PM Flag

no - yeah, but that's instead of seeing/eating with/talking to your parents! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.25.09, 08:10 PM Flag

I am considering C for my high school bound son. How bad was it. My DS is top of his k-8, but I want to know if he has to work himself to death to be up there at C? Exactly how bad is it? I know it is a great school! TIA [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.26.09, 11:30 AM Flag

It doesn't matter which school he goes to, assuming it would any tt school in manhattan, he will need to work hard. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.27.09, 10:04 AM Flag

I would say that high school kids at ANY school in manhattan work spend a lot of time on homework, whether or not the school is tt. That's life. The question is finding a school which is a good fit for your dc's abilities--ie he's not struggling to keep up, and he's not easily at the top of the heap. -np [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.27.09, 01:58 PM Flag

[ - ] For those in NYC with teens looking to do something with their children this holiday break, I recommend the production of Our Town at Barrow Street and the film The Bicycle Thief at Cinema Village. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.20.09, 07:28 AM Flag

ok for younger kids...ages 10 and 8? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 01:03 PM Flag

I don't think I would do Our Town for the younger child (remember one of the main characters dies). It might be OK for the 10 year old. I was really thinking of teens because I think parents of teens tend to do less with their kids, and I think these are good choices. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 04:37 PM Flag

Thanks! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:03 PM Flag

[ - ] Can someone please explain why teenage girls feel the need to post really provocative photographs of themselves on the web or cell phones? I can't believe the pictures I found on my son's computer of girls from several well known private schools here in NYC. He doesn't know I have seen then, but I'm a pretty liberal person and I'm shocked. Friends tell me all the girls are doing it. 42 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.19.09, 03:26 PM Flag

Sadly, it has become a terrible trend. Socioeconomic status has nothing to do with it, either. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:28 PM Flag

they think the boys will like them if they do it, so they do it. just like at the clubs so many girls are making out with each other for male attention. they think more is more. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:30 PM Flag

The making out thing is really offensive. The girls have no minds of their own; not the kind of girl to take home to mother, but definitely the kind of girl a lot of boys will chat about [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:31 PM Flag

they don't understand that momentary attention does not translate into a boyfriend and that not all attention is a positive. girls are often more worried about what boys thing of them than what they really think about the boys [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:35 PM Flag

Young girls need to be empowered not to give into such attention seeking behaviours [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:37 PM Flag

very true but it really takes someone sitting with them and helping them to think critically about why they are doing it, what they hope to gain and how they feel [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:44 PM Flag

I wonder what the parents do, particularly the moms. While I know a lot of hings are out of mom's control, I am amazed at my 4 yo and how she mimics me. I wear little to no makeup, and spend little time getting dressed. And I;ve noticed that some of her little playmates are already into headbands, and hair and their moms have indulged them. I think our kids get oru values. If women think it takes 30 minutes of makeup to be presentable to the world, their little girls will also. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:50 PM Flag

haven't little girls always mimicked their mothers and played dress up. i don't see the connection between that and sending boys half nude pics. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:52 PM Flag

My point is, I do. My kid doesn't do "dress-up". I think the importance of appearance, and style, and looking provacative starts early. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:55 PM Flag

Have you notices (and I love them) the adult clothes jcrew kids sells for little kids. I think they are adorable.. but they are adult clothes. And they seem to be selling, right now, about 8 bikinis for 4 year olds, and 2 one pieces. I think most would argue, they are kids, they look cute ina bikini.. I just dont think its appropriate, partcicularly at 4. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:57 PM Flag

I would say there is a huge difference between putting effort into your appearance and looking provocative. I dressed up as a princess and ballerina regularly as a child, played with makeup, my mom wore makeup and I never had any inclination to be provocative at any age. Spending a lot of time getting dressed in normal clothes is not going to encourage a dd to be provocative or send nude pictures. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:59 PM Flag

unfortunately once they are teenagers it can be unpredictable: some girls emulate their mothers and others want to be the exact opposite to carve out their own identity. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:00 PM Flag

My daughter is the opposite. I am a no makeup jeans and sweatshirt gal while my teenager daughter will dress as provocatively as she can. I am so tired about fighting about her appearance. If I tell her not to wear a certain dress, she just goes to a friend's house and borrow one of their slutty outfits. I'm exhausted and disheartened and don't know who to blame. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:02 PM Flag

I had friends who went through this and simply grew out of it. In a way girls who argue that they shouldn't be labeled a slut because of an outfit are right. however, they just need to think about why they do it and how they feel when they do it [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:14 PM Flag

? I disagree.. if the outfit is slutty, you should tell her she looks like a "slut". What would be the aruugment otherwise? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:22 AM Flag

I think if you say that often girls will just shut down, think their moms are just old and dismiss them. I think the term slut is misogynist and and counterproductive to the sexual development of young women. I think trying to figure out why your daughter dresses that way and challenging her to think about it critically is more effective than borderline name calling. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:28 AM Flag

I completely agree. There is no faster way to be dismissed as out of touch than to call your daughter, or her friend, a slut. That's a very judgmental thing to say and you DON'T want her to feel you're judging her if you hope she calls you when she's in trouble, or tells you much of anything about her life. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.11, 05:34 PM Flag

Slut is a terrible word - we weren't permitted to say it at all in our house when I was a kid (and my parents really weren't all that uptight about that kind of thing). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 09.27.11, 11:43 AM Flag

How old is your daughter? I'm curious when this starts to happen. I was raised by my mom to think nailpolish, miniskirts, exposing breasts was slutty, but more than that, "tacky". So my girlfriends and I never did any of that stuff. We also thought Barbie's (at 6) were stupid. Not sure what my mom did right, or what I;ll do wrong. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:17 AM Flag

I think you're fooling yourself if you think this really affects how your child will be in 12 years -- unfortunately, the peer group and something innate drives the 'dress up' gene. Or maybe it's more about whether your child is using this to assert independence or is more of a mimic. My mom was all about appearances, I don't dress up, and my 5 year old is all about the bling. I really think you should copy this post and re-read your words in 12 years to see if your sensible approach had any influence at all. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.10.10, 08:51 PM Flag

I disagree. I have a 16 year old daughter and more often than not, the mother's and daughters match. That is not to say there isn't the occasional trampy teen with a great down to earth mom or visa versa. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.11, 02:20 PM Flag

Some little girls are attracted to headbands and barettes even though their Moms wear neither. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:04 PM Flag

Oh god here we go again with the privates- enough- It happens in public too. We can see through your posts recently all focusing on private school girls. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:03 PM Flag

Yes, public and private. My question is why these girls, many who are so bright, will post these pictures, make out with their girlfriends and then post the pictures, as well as sexting random boys. Should the schools tackle the issue? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:08 PM Flag

many schools don't have the time. many youth non-profits have been tackling this issue. Sadie Nash and Girl's Inc. are so empowering for young women and makes them think critically about the media, the messages they receive and leads to then challenging the status quo. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:12 PM Flag

np--Yes, schools as well as parents should address the issue. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:12 PM Flag

Yes, and ours absolutely does. It's very helpful not to be the lone voice of dissent. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.11, 05:36 PM Flag

i think the op was just pointing out that it is happening across the socio-economic board. too sensitive. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:09 PM Flag

op here - didn't mean to single out private school - issue everywhere. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:14 PM Flag

I'm surprised it's still happening after the Swiffer incident... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:16 PM Flag

What is that? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.10.10, 07:16 PM Flag

By having these pictures on his computer, your son is complicit with the sexting. I've told my child that nothing she does on the computer is private and would speak to her if I found anything improper on her computer or phone. Will you speak to your son? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:29 PM Flag

Fake, fake, fake,fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Yes, girls all over the fcking world do this, nyc privates are not excluded, but you are a fake poster, fake, fake, fake, purposefully being provocative yourself. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:40 PM Flag

np: what is a "fake" post. Do you mean its posted by one of the UB moderators to illicit responses? Never understood htis. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:23 AM Flag

Well, I turn on MTV et. al. and this behavior is put on display and lauded. Of course these kids will emulate what they think is cool and trendy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:54 PM Flag

No one is going to like this, but here goes: We have modesty rules in the house for both boys and girls, starting from a very young age. Think conservative Christian groups or Hasidic dress. You can't really do this if the rest of your environment is not living like this. Peers are everything to teens; parents sort of factor in sometimes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:57 PM Flag

I grew up with conservative parents and dressed very provocatively. I had very embarrassing moment where teachers sent me home to change. I think one part is because I didn't know how to dress my "new" body. I thought I could wear tank tops and I didn't realize how that looked when I bent over, ect. The other reason is that I wanted to be an adult. My parents gave me little freedom and this was my way of expressing it. Once I left for college, I dropped the slutty shirts. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:14 AM Flag

I can't say why they are doing it (the original question), but I certainly can say what a parent can do to stop it. DO NOT let your child (dd or ds) have a cell phone until they have demonstrated to your satisfaction that they know how to use it responsibly. No child or teen needs a cell phone, and as soon as more parents re-discover this simple fact the problem will disappear. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.10.10, 07:13 PM Flag

IDA that no teen needs a cell phone. Once they can walk around the city without you, they need one. Maybe not one with photo and texting capabilities, but something. Didn't your dad make sure you always had a quarter for the pay phone? Well, there aren't any more pay phones. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.11, 05:30 PM Flag

Not enough daddy attention. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.11, 05:48 PM Flag

When teenaged girls feel like they haven't gotten enough attention from anyone, they will do whatever it takes for someone to tell them that they are sexy or beautiful. They feel like shit about themselves. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.17.11, 08:27 AM Flag

How did you even find this thread? It's originally from 2009 - 2 years ago - and was last commented on back in May. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 09.27.11, 11:53 AM Flag

[ - ] What great Christmas present my teen daughter gave me! I will be grandma in 9/8 months. i'm stunned 87 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.19.09, 06:57 AM Flag

how old is your dd? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:01 AM Flag

16 !!!!!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:03 AM Flag

do you live in a trailer? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:43 AM Flag

no [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 11:37 AM Flag

wow. I don't know what to say. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:02 AM Flag

I'm guessing that her focus was not on getting you a Christmas present. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:24 AM Flag

heh. love this comment. thanks. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 12:51 PM Flag

Holy moly. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:31 AM Flag

Will she write her college essay on this experience? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:32 AM Flag

Will she get married? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:32 AM Flag

I don't know, Her boyfriend's mother called me and we'll discuss about it tonight [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:37 AM Flag

np--I would say it's more up to your daughter and her boyfriend than it is to the parents. Does your child turn 17 this year? I would want to be making my own decisions at that age. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 08:31 AM Flag

her birthday was 27november and they'll be in the conversation with us. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 08:42 AM Flag

Does the babies father have a job? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:32 AM Flag

no he doesn't [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:34 AM Flag

and how old is he? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:36 AM Flag

16 too [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:39 AM Flag

Has he told his parents? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:41 AM Flag

yes, they told me and then they went to his house to tell the news to his parents [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:54 AM Flag

is she keeping the baby? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:36 AM Flag

my dh and I will not let them give the baby for adoption or abort [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:42 AM Flag

Wow, so what will she do? Will you help her raise the baby, or expect her to do it on her own? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 08:02 AM Flag

We'll help them raise the baby [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:50 AM Flag

You won't be able to control this, really. Just like you couldn't "not allow" them to have sex. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 08:45 AM Flag

Thats fine. BUT you now assume the responsibility for raising the dc. Hello casey anthony . . . [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:01 AM Flag

^^I honestly wish everyone the best, esp DB. She is an innocent and deserves the best. If you cant be a very involved grandma, consider adoption. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:02 AM Flag

it's not your choice. btw, this post is about as real as pamela anderson's boob. and about as classy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:45 AM Flag

ita. fakey mctrailertrash. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:03 PM Flag

whoa, this is not really your choice. she will need advice and support from you and the boy's parents, but you can't make her keep a baby she does not want to raise! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 01:23 PM Flag

Seriously, as of now she still can choose to abort in the country and as a decent parent you should take through all her options and keep your & DH's personal opinions out of it - it is HER choice and HER body this is happening in. The best thing you can do is promise her love and support no matter what. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 01:51 PM Flag

i would be really careful about weighting the options too... a very catholic friend who found herself pregnant at a young age gave her baby up for adoption. it really was the best option. but her parents and the rest of her family couldn't accept this decision, and she had to move out of their house and no longer has contact with them. i think you have to be really careful to keep in mind the wellbeing of your daughter and this baby... and stop thinking about what outcome you would like to see (other then the one that is best for them). you don't want to hurt and ostracize a family member for life. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 02:28 PM Flag

we'll support their decision but i really don't think that abortion or give the baby for adoption is going to be their option. I talked to my dd and for what i hear they will keep the baby [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 03:53 PM Flag

Sounds like you two are on the same page. What a tough situation. My best advice (a few good friends had kids in high school) is to make sure she doesn't drop out of school, because of shame or being tired. If she can keep her life on track at the beginning, things will get easier for her! And I would try to get her to have realistic expectations for her relationship with the dad... the most important thing is that they are good parents to the baby. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 04:27 PM Flag

OyVey! Stunned is an understatement! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:36 AM Flag

She;s definitely going to keep it? Sorry you are dealing with this. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:36 AM Flag

Oh wow. I'm sorry that you and your whole family are faced with this. I'm sure your head is spinning. I hope the conversation with the boy's family goes OK and everyone can keep a level head. It is in no way what anyone would want for their child, but no matter what direction they take, it can be OK. Your daughter may have to grow up fast, but with support, even if she keeps it, she can have a bright future. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 07:43 AM Flag

Oh boy....well, God Bless your DGC and DC for that matter. I know I'd be crushed by the news, but ultimately what choice do you have but to handle it and hopefully guide towards better future decisions. All the best to your growing family. Try to stay positive. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 08:29 AM Flag

Thank you for your support [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 08:42 AM Flag

Babies bring good luck! I wish you and your dd the very best with all of the decisions and life adjustments you will have to make. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 09:37 AM Flag

Yuck. I'm really not a pro-choice type (especially after the first tri), but this is gross. A baby does NOT bring "good luck" to a 16 yo girl. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:06 AM Flag

Ridiculous. This is not a lucky situation and making her keep the baby is terrible. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 11:23 AM Flag

Wow, glad my dh's teenage mother didn't abort him...sheesh [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 11:53 AM Flag

GL. Definitely try to stay positive and support your dd-she may have messed up but she needs you now. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:15 AM Flag

Are the mommy and daddy to be private or public school students? Sorry, had to ask. Good luck to your family. I had one cousin that had a baby at 19, she finished college, got her masters, married and leads a happy life. Her sister had a baby at 18, and is now 30 with three kids with three different dads....hope your dd can recover from this. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:32 AM Flag

Private [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:49 AM Flag

Well, according to a poll done on UB a month or so ago, your dd will be expected to abort or "go away to stay with auntie clara in montana". My private HS in the midwest was supportive, and encouraged students to finish high school, despite pregnancy. They did not offer day care like the public school though. I wish your family they best. Do you have any other children? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:56 AM Flag

Yes, two girls age 12 and 8. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 11:10 AM Flag

really...you HAD to ask that question? believe it or not, private school kids also have unprotected sex. what an ignorant question... karma might bite you in the ass one of these days...and it might just be in the way of becoming a grandmother yourself sometime soon. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 05:51 PM Flag

I was this teenage daughter (although a year older). With my parents help and support, I kept dc, finished college and grad school and went on to have a nice career and raise a happy, well-adjusted child. Life throws us curve balls, but we make our own results with our attitude. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:36 AM Flag

ditto, I could have written this. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:54 AM Flag

God, I'm glad I chose not to have intercourse until I finished college. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:48 AM Flag

I'm glad for all the safe sex i had prior to marriage and then only having children when we were ready. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 10:52 AM Flag

Nothing is 100% "safe". You were just lucky. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 12:12 PM Flag

NP: Lucky but also responsible. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 12:27 PM Flag

Nope, its not. Just like all those rock songs I listened to over the years and never once tried to commit suicide -- I am the lucky one, no doubt. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 09:09 PM Flag

Easier if you don't have sex at all--guaranteed you won't conceive. Doesn't mean you have to be totally celebate. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 12:59 PM Flag

huh? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 09:16 PM Flag

What do you mean "huh"? If there's no penis in your vagina, you can't get pg. Pretty simple. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 03:08 AM Flag

Was talking about the "Doesn't mean you have to be totally celebate." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:29 AM Flag

Doing "everything but" isn't total celebacy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:33 AM Flag

Ask her if there is anything that you could have done to have helped her not get into this situation (to give advice to the rest of us). I know people make mistakes and we'd do what you're doing - help her raise the baby. But I wish I really knew how to make sure my dd is never in this situation. Good luck and I'm sure it will work out for the best! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 01:18 PM Flag

All I can say is that I wish you all peace and the best for this baby, a new life that is totally innocent. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 01:47 PM Flag

How Palinesque. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.19.09, 08:36 PM Flag

I am shocked but most of these comments! I would be devastated if my daughter was in this situation but people here seem so blase about this. Of course everyone has their opinion on this one (rightfully so) but I am curious... lets take a poll: If this was your dd what would you advise her to do and where are you from? Me - abortion, NYC [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:18 AM Flag

I want to say I'd prefer she put the baby up for adoption, but in reality I'd likely insist (yes, insist) that she have an abortion. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:22 AM Flag

^^^NYC [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:22 AM Flag

Same. I know it would be a hard decision to make--and I am very pro-choice--but having the baby would basically ruin her life. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:27 AM Flag

I think it would have to be up to her. This is a decision that will affect HER the rest of her life, more than anybody else. I would support her whether she wanted to keep the baby, abort, or give it up for adoption. When I was little, my youngest aunt became pregnant. Her dad (my grandpa) pressured her to abort the child. I know he just wanted what was best for her, and didn't want her to ruin her life. But she chose to keep her baby, and after visiting her in the hospital after my cousin was born he cried like a baby and asked whether my aunt could ever forgive him. And now that baby is my beautiful, wanted cousin. This is a devastating situation, and I don't think there is any right answer. But I don't think parents can "insist" that their children do anything here--it is their first serious, grown-up decision, even if they seem to young to make it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:34 AM Flag

100%. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:40 AM Flag

ITA [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:55 AM Flag

NYC. I'd be devastated for sure. I'm totally pro-choice, and for that reason there would be no insiting of any of the options from me. It would depend a lot on the type of person DD was away from this mistake, as to how I'd try to advise her. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:39 AM Flag

I'd probably tell her it's her decision but if she wanted to have the baby, I'd help her raise the child. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:40 AM Flag

I always feel so bad for the grandmas in this situation. I look at my mom and how my son tires her out in an hour, and I think it would have killed her to raise a grandchild! I think a lot of the grandmas and grandpas raising kid that are not their own are heros. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:48 AM Flag

op: I told her my opinion but let her make her own choice. DD and her boyfriend decided to keep and raise the baby and both families will help them [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 07:51 AM Flag

That would be my preference too, help to my DD would unconditional, but choice theirs. Hang in there and best of luck. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:00 AM Flag

I am pro-life (for me, I can't place that decision on anyone else) and had my son just a few months after I graduated from college. I know that's not the same as being a 16yo, but it felt like it. For me, the decision was easier b/c DH (my then boyfriend) was very supportive. So, I would have to say that I'd leave it up to her, but it would make me so sad to think of my DD as a single mom at 16. -NYC [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:03 AM Flag

Pro-choice here, and i agree with everything you just said. Are you a recent mom? In any event, I hope you, DS and DH are doing well. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:09 AM Flag

I find it a little strange that you mentioned you are pro-life and "the decision was easier". Wouldn't there be no decision of you are pro-life? Or perhaps you mean decision between adoption and keeping the child? That makes sense. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:13 PM Flag

I would encourage an abortion first, keeping baby second, and adoption third. But no matter her decision, I would back it 100% once it was decided. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 09:21 AM Flag

np: I think "backing it" is perhaps not the best word choice. A teen can rely on a mom (at least I did) just a little too much. Do you remember when you were up from 1-3:30am with your newborn, and then again at 5am-8am? It was brutal. If I was living with mom, I know I would have leaned on her for those.. I think I just don't like the "backing up" word choice. Maybe, "support"? Not sure. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:00 PM Flag

NP: Do you think teen moms should try to move out right away? It is just so young. It is hard for me to see how the grandma wouldn't become the de facto mom. Have you ever seen that show 16 and pregnant on MTV? It is a trainwreck, but I couldn't stop watching. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:02 PM Flag

i watch little tv but did see a 16 and pregnant where the couple gave the baby up for adoption. it was so honorable.. and the mother was totally against it, and mean to the daughter. i thought, wow, now that little girl(and her boyfriend) will make amazing parents one day. If it were my daughter, and so young, I would just push the abortion, find a nice dr, make the appointment, tell her its what I would do, and then let her decide. If she decided to keep the baby, she would need to move out, start working, and support herself. i want my kids to know they have my "moral" support, but its stops financially. I wouldn't _want_ to financially support this decision.. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:10 PM Flag

Yes, what that couple did was pretty amazing. Such maturity for such a young age, and coming from the families they came from! It's hard for me to imagine that I wouldn't support my child financially, if they ended up in this situation, or that I would ask them to move out. I think they do need to get used to independence, but I think I would want the parents to finish school and try to complete the career plans they had before... and it seems like asking them to move out and start working would be the end of that. What a tough situation. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:13 PM Flag

I totally agree with you. I would _want_ to support them financially. Its just that I had sort of a nice upbringing, but after college my siblings and I were on my own. All of my friends who were supported financially are unemployed now, living off their parents, one committed suicide just this winter, not reall happy with their lives. It becomes really easy for privileged kids to "sponge" and ahrd for parents to draw the line. She is too young. She made a mistake. She needs to fix it. We'll see when/if this happens to me. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:16 PM Flag

Yes, it is a real problem. Especially if a teen relies on their mom to take care of the baby, which seems bound to happen. And if, as a parent, you made this problem sort of "go away," who knows what would come next. I can't imagine what kind of parent I would have made at 16! And I shudder to think what kind of dad my high school boyfriend would have made. Hopefully this is not something we will ever have to experience, as parents. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 06:23 PM Flag

But I bet you would call yourself pro-choice, right? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:19 PM Flag

Having been through a lot of real tragedy over the holidays, real being death, this is justa hiccup in the road. Miracles happen in all different ways, to all different people. Support your daughter, but be realistic. This could be the best thing to happen to her, but also the owrst, depending on your family. Good luck! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.20.09, 08:14 AM Flag

[ - ] Does anyone have any insight into teens going to these black tie charity events in the next few weeks? Silver and gold ball, Boys' Club, etc. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.15.09, 06:27 PM Flag

Nope. My teen is at public school. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:28 PM Flag

I went to all those when I was in HS. Fun. What's your Q? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:29 PM Flag

What goes on? Are they fun? Anything to know in advance? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:33 PM Flag

Old fashioned fun. Some drinking before in a hotel room but lots of kids all dressed up. It's nice. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:38 PM Flag

Beware of the pre-party and post-party stuff and drinking. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:29 PM Flag

My dd would love to go to these things. Any reason to get dressed up. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:47 PM Flag

Do the boys have to wear tuxedos? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:47 PM Flag

[ - ] Quick. Grab your 13 year old daughters and go watch a Charlie Brown Christmas at 8PM on ABC. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.15.09, 04:56 PM Flag

thank you!!!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 05:06 PM Flag

call me a grinch, but i never got into the Charlie Brown specials, any of them. even the great pumpkin. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:12 PM Flag

Sorry - too much homework for TV tonight [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:34 PM Flag

what grade/school? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:35 PM Flag

I taped it. Sigh. It's my annual favorite. Well, that and A Christmas Story. OH, and I love Grinch too... oh pooh. I love them all! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 06:36 PM Flag

[ - ] Presents ideas for 16yo girl? My dd asked for nothing but i want to give something to her. she already hs iphone, ipod, computer and all that stuff. TIA 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.15.09, 12:04 PM Flag

^has [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:05 PM Flag

itunes credits? gift certificate at her favorite store? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:19 PM Flag

a set of paperwork to fill out for NYS "working papers" permit. Time to get a job and not have mommy pay for all "that stuff" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:24 PM Flag

she's so young and doesn't need to get a job at 16. thank you for your concern [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:50 PM Flag

I had my first job at 16. Isn't that a tradition anymore? I didn't work many hours, but it was very cool to get a job! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 07:42 PM Flag

what's up with manhattanites who continue to infantilize their children. a 16 year old is old enough to have a part-time job, scoop some ice cream, shelve some books in a bookstore, work at a movie theater. reminds me of the 13 year old's mom who refused to let her babysit her niece because she was "too young". baloney. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 07:46 PM Flag

I was so thrilled when I got my first job at 16. I worked at Sears in the Dry Goods department, then when they phased that out I worked in Small Appliances. I loved it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.16.09, 08:23 AM Flag

uggs? messenger bag, earrings [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:24 PM Flag

Thanks [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:37 PM Flag

also, anything winter-related. Great hat, scarf, superwarm gloves, etc. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:38 PM Flag

GC to make her own sneakers? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 12:27 PM Flag

15 year old dd loves the pair she made from converse [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 01:24 PM Flag

decent earrings or bag and a Kiva gift certificate [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 01:19 PM Flag

thanks [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 01:29 PM Flag

i second the kiva gift certificate [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.16.09, 08:23 AM Flag

does she have a camera? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 01:27 PM Flag

yes [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 01:29 PM Flag

Private tutoring sessions with a pro photographer, if she's into take better digital pictures. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.16.09, 08:21 AM Flag

tickets to a show she would like? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 01:36 PM Flag

Roberto Coin diamond inital necklace- $380 [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.15.09, 07:44 PM Flag

cooking lessons [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.16.09, 08:22 AM Flag

[ - ] Just got my winter wishes letter from New York Cares - I'm getting gifts for a 13 year old girl. All she asked for was "scented lotions" which I think is very cute, so I'm definitely getting a bunch of stuff from Bath and Body Works (height of cool when I was her age!) but what else should I include? Normally I do presents for younger kids, so I just have fun at the toy store finding things - but what would a 13 year old really like? I'll probably spend around $60 - so no iPod or anything. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.10.09, 06:18 PM Flag

That's so nice! I'd tend to buy a kid like that more and a greedy one less (so many ask for things even well-off kids don't have). Can you still sign up to buy for a kid? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 06:26 PM Flag

Check out New York Cares website - I signed up a few days after the deadline and just got my letter today. Presents are due SOON though - next year I need to remember to sign up earlier. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 06:38 PM Flag

np: No, it's done, but you can still shop off the Wish List for a shelter in Brooklyn. I just did that - bought a bunch of gloves for kids. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 09:55 PM Flag

maybe a nice scarf/hat/glove set? a 'cool' totebag? inexpensive, trendy jewelry? a manicure set/nail polish? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 06:28 PM Flag

^^ oh, also, maybe some cute socks? wallet/coin purse? fun watch? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 06:30 PM Flag

I love the idea of mani set with nail polish - also Bath and Body Works has cute fuzzy socks now, have to get her some of those! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 07:34 PM Flag

dd loves bags she straps across her body - got a few cute ones last year this time at Century 21. Sportsac is also a good choice but we got some good deals at Century. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 06:42 PM Flag

head to H&M and get a fun scarf (not a winter scarf, but the long crinkly kind), fuzzy socks are in this year, charm bracelet, [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.10.09, 08:12 PM Flag

[ - ] I tutor teenagers for standardized tests. I am pretty sure one of the teens that I see privately stole one of my books and told me that she last saw it on my desk when I asked her to check her back if she took it by "accident" Should I call her on it? Tell her dad? Ignore it? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.08.09, 12:40 PM Flag

how can you be "pretty sure" unless you saw her take it? i'd be careful to lay blame without evidence. if she's denying it now, telling her dad isn't going to change anything [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 12:42 PM Flag

i saw it on my shelf, went to the bathroom, and returned to see it not there anymore...that means I am pretty sure. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 12:46 PM Flag

or: ok. but what do you want the outcome to be here? if you just want to drop the kid, that's one thing. if you want the book back (which you may or may not get), that's another. if you want the parents to know, for whatever reason, that's another (different) reason [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:42 PM Flag

I'd call her on it like this, "Hey, I'm missing book X. Did you happen to walk off with it accidentally? Sometimes my kids do this. If so I'd love it back." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 12:48 PM Flag

np: Too wishy washy. "Hey, I'm missing book X. It was on my shelf when you were here and was not around after you left. So it must have gotten mixed in with your things. I'd like it back." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 12:52 PM Flag

Why don't you ask your student flat out? Say you won't be mad and you just would like to know what happened. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 12:50 PM Flag

She is a bit of a trouble teen...parents in the middle of a divorce...etc...I think she likes coming to me and wanted a piece of me...I am just wondering if I should drop her. This might be a sign that she is going to take other things too, right? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 12:56 PM Flag

Did she steal a book that you use for your lessons? Fiction? What did she steal? If it's something she can use to cheat on your tests, tell the parents. You may want to consider dropping her. I would confront her and be honest and say you need honesty from her. If not, you will no longer take her as a client. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:05 PM Flag

I use it sometimes, but she wants to outsmart the exam...so she took a book titled that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:14 PM Flag

But isn't that what you're teaching her to do? It's not nice of her to take it without asking you, but maybe she wanted to check it out and felt she had to lie when you put her on the spot. Seems you should forget about it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:38 PM Flag

np - "Not nice"? The teen is a thief, and from someone she knows personally. I don't think OP should just "forget about it". OP should talk to her, confront her, and maybe drop her and/or talk to her parent (whichever one has custody of her). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:46 PM Flag

^^^Personally, as a parent, I would want to know if my dc ever did that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:47 PM Flag

But if you were paying a tutor to help her outsmart the test at any cost, you might well forgive her for stealing a book called... "how to outsmart the test," since that's what you want her to do, no? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:50 PM Flag

No. It's two different things. I assume you don't have a teen yourself? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:52 PM Flag

By two different things, you mean it's a double standard? I wholeheartedly agree! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 02:04 PM Flag

Maybe during the conversation about how it's not acceptable to lie or steal, OP should make sure to point out that it is, of course, perfectly acceptable to cheat on standardized tests--the teen might find today's values somewhat confusing. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:49 PM Flag

How is it acceptable to cheat on standardized tests? What are you talking about? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:53 PM Flag

OP is a "tutor" for standardized tests, which means she gets paid big money for teaching very rich kids how to outsmart the test. That's cheating, imo, even if every dc on the upper east side gets to do it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 01:57 PM Flag

So your children will not have any prep for the SATs? Not even a book? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 02:11 PM Flag

They will have practice tests, like every other kid in the country and no--I will not encourage them to look at the books that teach them to game it (which all seemed very elementary when I took a gander at them myself back in the day). I should hope they will not need more than a few practice tests to do just fine. I guess I have more faith in my dc than most people in nyc these days... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 02:18 PM Flag

Are they in HS now? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 02:31 PM Flag

Having someone teach you how to think in a way that helps you answer test questions correctly is not cheating any more than hiring a private coach to improve your stride is cheating in a race (think Sam Mussabini). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 07:06 PM Flag

You obviously get your kids tutored if you think this way. The SAT is supposed to be fair. If people who can pay $300/hour for a tutor get a leg up, it's obviously... NOT fair. It's more analogous to taking steroids to improve your stride in a race, imo. But when you've been in a place where "everyone" tutors for as long as you sound like you have, it must be hard to keep it real (or even understand it). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 07:23 PM Flag

Don't have kids of SAT age. So, the "obvious" conclusion you reached about me is incorrect. 'The way I think' is "clearly." Going to a tutor to prepare for a test isn't anything like taking a banned substance; banned substances are verboten, by definition. Having someone teach you things so that you can do well on a test is not. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 07:57 PM Flag

I would buy her a copy of same book, as a holiday gift. Psych her out. And god knows you can afford it with what her parents are paying. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 02:41 PM Flag

Can you increase the fee for her lessons which would include the price of the stolen book + possible future theft (like insurance)? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 08:04 PM Flag

[ - ] update from a week ago: after not getting a callback initially, dd got called back for the ensemble and found out she was cast today. didn't get the principal role she auditioned for, but I think she feels vindicated. And you know what made a difference more than anything I could have said is her friends at school, telling her they couldn't believe she didn't get a callback and just basically boosting her up. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.08.09, 10:34 AM Flag

congratulations? i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, btw. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 11:38 AM Flag

oh pheww! Glad to hear it--your post last week was devastating. I have a teenaged DD too and I can imagine how this would feel. So true and kind of sad about her friends--they do have more influence than we do in some ways! If I say anything nice, dd always says "oh, you're just saying that because you're my MOM." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 11:46 AM Flag

I get that ALL the time! lol [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.09.09, 06:27 AM Flag

whew, I can stop worrying now....kidding, congrats! you must be floating right now -- not only has child done something very impressive, but she appears to have wonderful friends. Outstanding! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.09.09, 06:33 AM Flag

Good for her! She'll have a blast in the show and should gain experience and contacts for the next one. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.09.09, 07:20 AM Flag

[ - ] Our 7th grade daughter wants to studio piano in public high school. She is not particularly interested in "musical theatre". What are the best options? Laguardia, PPAS, etc.? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.07.09, 08:27 AM Flag

she currently is a piano student? I would pick the high school based on academics and do the piano privately. If she were interested in musical theater, acting, dance, etc., that's another story. Piano at her stage is very much a solitary study. Where she goes to school isn't that big of deal as long as she has excellent private instruction. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.07.09, 09:41 AM Flag

op: yes, she takes piano lessons privately. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.07.09, 10:17 AM Flag

You can audition for LaGUardia on piano but if you get in for instrumental music they require you to study another orchestral instrument as well as piano. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.07.09, 10:26 AM Flag

op: thanks, that's good to know. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.07.09, 11:50 AM Flag

You can go to laguardiahs.org and check the audition requirements. She should start working now for an audition next fall. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.07.09, 12:55 PM Flag

Music students I know are generally at LaGuardia and at Frank Sinatra but they also continue their personal lessons [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.07.09, 12:35 PM Flag

^^^And they're also at various other public HSs of course, without an emphasis on performing arts like LaGuardia and Sinatra [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.07.09, 12:35 PM Flag

which other public High Schools have good music departments? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 06:39 AM Flag

In Manhattan, Beacon (more for modern music) and Stuyvesant. But it's unlikely that there will be actual piano instruction. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.08.09, 06:44 AM Flag

[ - ] Teacher at private school. Any questions? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 12.05.09, 12:27 PM Flag

How many of your kids "keep up" with the work? What's the "mean girl" situation like? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:29 PM Flag

I couldn't say how many keep up, but there quite a few who need extra attention, either from teachers or tutors. A small number are floundering. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:32 PM Flag

How do the kids do on the verbal part of the SAT, and do they they founder while trying to parse your usage of floundering? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 07:20 PM Flag

do parents ever pressure you -- to change grades, write good college rec's, etc? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:32 PM Flag

It used to happen a lot. The administration has recently been sending a consistent message to parents to back off with individual teachers and communicate with principals, deans. Only see teachers in group meetings. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:34 PM Flag

So no teacher conferences at your school for older grades? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:49 PM Flag

np--From middle school on, teacher conferences are often with a group at my dc's school (depending on how many parents request conferences). When a school is departmentalized, a teacher might have 80 students or more. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 02:34 PM Flag

nnp - How do you conduct teacher conferences with a group? At my dc's public HS, we get individual conferences with the teachers you want to speak to. No group conferences at all. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 07:17 PM Flag

What grade? What's one of the biggest problems you face w/ students? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:33 PM Flag

I work with students in 7-12. Some students seem to have a lot of difficulty keeping on task...a few refuse on principle to study or do homework. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:38 PM Flag

np - What do you mean "on principle"? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:49 PM Flag

That's not so bad. That answer could have been given 50 yrs ago or even 200 yrs ago. I thought you might say drugs/alcohol abuse, promiscuity, poor self esteem or self injury. None of those things a big worry? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 01:56 PM Flag

You are so weird. Do you live in the real world? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 07:18 PM Flag

What do you mean? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 08:53 PM Flag

what is the main difference (in your view) between private vs public schools. are the kids that much smarter? Is the curriculum that mcuh better? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 12:47 PM Flag

which school? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 01:00 PM Flag

How many of your students do drugs and/or are sexually active? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 01:33 PM Flag

Which school do you teach at? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 02:33 PM Flag

What do you think is the biggest issue facing private school students 7-12 grade? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 02:33 PM Flag

Do you like most of the kids you teach? Describe the ones you like - what are they like and why do you like them? and describe the ones you most dislike. What do you dislike specifically? Finally, does this correlate with the parents ... if you know them well enough to answer that last question? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.05.09, 02:35 PM Flag

[ - ] my dd is applying to spence and chapin for sophomore year. please tell me anything and everything you know about these schools. ty! 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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Teenagers 11.29.09, 03:43 PM Flag

consider Brearley as well, first of all. All three are well regarded, competitive and academic, with strong sense of tradition and community. Spence has more "new media" type families. Chapin has more conventional girls. Brearley traditionally was considered more intellectual (but that isn't necesarily the case) and has more visible diversity. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 03:54 PM Flag

sorry, all i think when i hear these schools is snooty, entitled girls who carry prada bags and have their drug dealers on speed dial on their iphones. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 03:57 PM Flag

Then you don't actually know any of the students. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 04:57 PM Flag

My, aren't you helpful! Spreading your nastiness about drug dealers, etc. You're boring, too, so run along now, troll... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 05:48 PM Flag

You need to stop watching Gossip Girl. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.09.09, 05:48 PM Flag

i've heard spence is very gossip girl while chapin is more laid back. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 04:01 PM Flag

I have a daughter in upper school at chapin. It is a great school there are a lot of new girls who come in between 8th and 10th grade. She would feel very welcomed. We've been so impressed with the other girls and the teachers. My daughter loves the work that she's doing. This is the first time in a long time that I can remember her enthusiastically talking about her assignments. She has been at chapin since the beginning and has a ton of long-term friends - but the circle expands and embraces the new girls too. I honestly didn't think that we would ever love the school as much as we do right now. I'll keep this post on watch, feel free to ask me other questions. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 04:28 PM Flag

np--What do you mean by a lot of new girls? Isn't the number of new girls in 9th grade usually around 5 girls or so? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 04:53 PM Flag

is chapin more science oriented? and what does your dd think of girls form other private schools? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 05:00 PM Flag

*from [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 05:29 PM Flag

so sorry, i forgot to check this site for a few days!!!! Chapin is v. science oriented. have you seen the building with the new labs - wow, they're incredible... And, you know that Chapin students have recently won a few high profile science awards. But, their arts programming is also incredible. The girls have the black box theater, dance studios, unbelievable art studios with a huge brand new dark room. I just really love this school I hope you'll enjoy it too. Did this answer your question? Also, for the other poster... there are quite a few new girls who come into chapin between 6 - 10th grade, though I don't think it is near 50%. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.09.09, 05:43 PM Flag

what are the scores needed on the isee? what questions do they ask on the interviews? what are the girls like? what are the uniforms like? is lunch included in the tution? sorry if this is a lot but these are some of my questions about both schools. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 05:34 PM Flag

SCHOOL BOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 05:45 PM Flag

I will make so certain to ALWAYS, ALWAYS post my school questions on NYC, just because you're such a POS. Now, have another drink, please! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 05:51 PM Flag

this qustion certainly applies to both nyc city and to teenagers. you could not prove otherwise. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 06:19 PM Flag

anything with the words spence or chapin belongs on the goddamn school board [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 06:20 PM Flag

not questions about adoption (np) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 06:22 PM Flag

anything with chapin and spence also applies to NEW YORK CITY. It has been common practice to post schools issues on both boards since the changeover. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 06:24 PM Flag

I live in New York City, and I don't want to hear about the school crap. Please just keep it on the NY SCHOOLS board- that's what it's there for. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 11.29.09, 06:42 PM Flag

Then don't log on to URBAN BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.01.09, 11:11 PM Flag

http://bamboo-floor-wood.xc.wjg.jp/index.html bamboo floor wood http://bamboo-floor-greenwood.xc.wjg.jp/index.html bamboo floor greenwood http://floor-laminate-quick-step.xc.wjg.jp/index.html floor laminate quick step [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.02.09, 01:33 AM Flag

ATTRITION is extremely high at the all girl schools and all of them look for diversity from grades 9-10. 50% or more are new girls by the time you get to 9th grade in these schools. It is a RARITY to find a graduate who started in kindergarten - especially at Brearley. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.01.09, 05:56 PM Flag

Really? Why? What about the other schools- Spence, Chapin, NBS, CSH? Many survivors? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.01.09, 06:15 PM Flag

That's completely untrue. Check your facts. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.01.09, 06:35 PM Flag

This really is not true at all. Cannot understand why anyone would say it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 12.01.09, 06:38 PM Flag