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[ - ] 10 wks pg and have been avoiding caffeine (paranoid after recent mc) but the fatigue is just crushing and affecting work and dc. In the last week I gave in and had 1/2 cup on 3 or 4 days and could not believe how much it helped. Are most people comfortable having a cup of day at this point? I truly don't believe there's any danger but since I made a point to avoid it until now it feels strange to give myself permission. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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My OB told me I could have a cup of coffee. Ask your OB! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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same [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 06:48 PM Flag
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They say a cup a day is okay. I still get nervous in the first trimester, though. I've had a few cups since then (now in the second tri). But, I'm not normally a coffee drinker, and only drink it now because it's one of my cravings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:36 PM Flag
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I just cut down a little, 8 oz cup instead of my usual jumbo mug. My OB said under 200 mgs if caffeine is fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:36 PM Flag
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yes! i had one cup a day and it was my favorite part of the day. Enjoy and congratulations [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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You can have coffee- [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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I had it daily but never more than a cup [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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Hang in there. Its the hormones. Once you clear the first trimester the crushing fatigue of progesterone will be over snd youll feel back to normal. In the meantime get more sleep and eat less sugar and starch which can tire you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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CNM here - yes, one cup is fine. The 200mg guideline mentioned above is pretty routinely given to pregnant women. I definitely followed that myself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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I had low blood pressure, and my OB permitted me to have 1 cup every day, I drink cofee all the way through the pregnancy and breasfeeding, didn't effect my baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:42 PM Flag
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Affect [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 05:28 PM Flag
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Second pregnancy ten weeks too. Have allowed myself one regular coke a day. I know I know soda is bad for you etc. but has less caffeine than coffee but enough to give me a boost. Ask your doc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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I'm a coffee drinker and a cup a day changed my pg life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:52 PM Flag
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It's fine! Enjoy your coffee! (unless your doctor said no) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:05 PM Flag
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I had four miscarriages, no caffeine. My healthy preg I had a cup a day, no issues. (I figured I had been thru enough and was sick of trying to be "perfect"!). Plus OB says it's fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 06:34 PM Flag
[ - ] How to handle 10YO boy hormones? One minute he hates me and the next minute loves me. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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Ignore and then get on your knees and thank god he isn't a 13 year old girl. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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Ha! He got really angry at me because I laughed at something he said and then forgot about it later. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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Np: I have a 13yr old girl and she's been great. I thank my lucky starts because some of her friends are bitches on wheels with their moms....but they also have moms who want to be friends instead of a parent [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:40 PM Flag
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That's just it. Or they make these unreasonable demands [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:36 PM Flag
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Hormones suck. When my 13 yarn old has her period and she's acting ultra sensitive...I tell her I'm walking away because your in hormone hell. This has become a laughing point for us Once I say it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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It starts at 10? Mine has been awful never thought of hormones. Mom of negative boy from this morning I hope you're reading this one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anybody else feel like the job market is too insecure to buy a house? People who are buying, how much seniority do you have and are you relying on your salary or your savings to buy? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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Well I myself have one foot in the grave so it was now or never. Signed granny mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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Bought last year, with mostly savings (big down payment, small mortgage). Jobs looked secure, but this year, not so much. Still, payments are low, so we should be able to swing it, even through a period of unemployment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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that is me - you have to live somewhere - my mortgage and maintenance in NYC is $1400 a month for 1500 sq feet - no way I could rent the equivalent anywhere nearby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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Executive Director. Savings definitely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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Buy now or be priced out forever! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:34 PM Flag
[ - ] We hired a nanny for our 10 m.o. baby. In her contract it specifically states that no people except for her can come in our house. I've been finding however, that she invites her friends with children (SAHMs) to hang out on the playground across the street from our house. I don't know whether she then brings them all to our house to play or not. I know it's not a big deal but it annoys me that I found out about the whole thing in a retrospect. Should I address it? 101 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:20 PM Flag
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Exactly what are you addressing? You sound deranged, btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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That I'd like to know about people my baby spends time with on the day it happens and from her. Your sound rude, btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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np - you do sound deranged. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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No she doesn't. When you have children one day, you will understand. If you already have them, G-d help them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:40 PM Flag
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I have 3 kids. Aren't you funny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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You let strangers in and out of your home when you're not there? I didn't think so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:50 PM Flag
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My home, not really - playground, awesome - I'd be happy nanny was taking DB out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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Poor kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:50 PM Flag
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Well the oldest is starting Princeton in the fall, so it can't have been that bad of an upbringing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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Princeton is not Harvard, sorry he failed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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Trolling much? Done here, have a good one! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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Thank you:) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:03 PM Flag
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if you care so much about who your baby is spending time with and who it comes in contact with, maybe you should stay home??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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Maybe I should [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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That is a separate issue from the contract. Do you ask what she did at the end of the day and your nanny hides that they went to the playground? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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I do ask how he spent the day, what he did on the playground, etc. Never once before I specifically asked her did she mention the mom-group she invites over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:45 PM Flag
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I replied below that it's "mostly fine" but I would have a bit of an issue w leaving this out. I'd tell her it's OK but to tell you from now you want to know who she meeting up for playdates w, whether neighborhood people or her froends [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:28 PM Flag
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Lady the street is a public area. You sound über paranoid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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Do you have kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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NP: I have 3 kids, and you sound completely crazy. It's not like nanny is taking DB to visit her friends at the crack den. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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You sound completely rude, but I guess thats the culture of this board. I don't want my child's playtime and naps be adjusted to the times her friends can visit the playground. Besides, I am confused about why she did not mention it herself and I found out about her playdates myself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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I don't care if you think I'm rude. You really need to get a handle on reality. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:34 PM Flag
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And I think I'd care about your rude reality? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:45 PM Flag
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why would she have to mention that she interacted with people? Wouldn't that be the assumption if she is taking the kid out during the day? Are you an idiot? I am glad your kid is being taken care of by someone who seems to have a better idea of social norms. You should be thankful - hopefully your kid won't end up a bitter old shrew like yourself! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:43 PM Flag
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np: Wow, get back on your meds! The OP is her employer and she has a right to know if her nanny is kicking back with her friends rather than making the OP's baby a priority. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:21 PM Flag
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Yoselyn Ortega was a complete loner who never hung out with other nannies. I'd be grateful for a social one who gets my kids out and about, but still respects your house rules about strangers in the home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:35 PM Flag
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Yoselyn Ortega was a complete loner who never hung out with other nannies. I'd be grateful for a social one who gets my kids out and about, but still respects your house rules about strangers in the home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:35 PM Flag
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So you're ASSUMING that she's ruining his nap time to accommodate these other moms? Lots of assumptions [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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They are her friends who happen to be moms. It is clearly done to entertain herself, not socialize my child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:02 PM Flag
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If they are bringing kids your dcs age who cares [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:15 PM Flag
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The kids are older [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:30 PM Flag
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Or: yes I have three kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:42 PM Flag
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Wow, you sound awful to work for! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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Well, you are wrong. If I was so awful, I would not come here for a perspective. I feel uneasy and want someone to tell me whether I should be worried. Besides, our former nanny adores us and visits regularly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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OK, everyone is giving you perspective - you are wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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Not everyone said she was wrong.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:13 PM Flag
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What do you feel uneasy about? You don't trust her and you're being paranoid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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Is this your first child? If so, how did you manage to have a "former nanny" when db is only 10 months old? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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This and this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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Obvious...the former nanny ran away quickly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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Smart former nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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Your crystal ball is cloudy today, smartie [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:57 PM Flag
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Nah uh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:16 PM Flag
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Former nanny's mother is very sick, she had to take care of her and can't work. This nanny has been with us for a month. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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Oy vey, psycho mom is back! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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You can't police the playground! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:27 PM Flag
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That's not what she talking about at all. Did you even read her question or any of her follow ups? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:26 PM Flag
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You sound jealous of the nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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If this means nanny invites moms from outside neighborhood to playground near your home, then I wouldn't like it either. If she invites SAHMs from your block who are your actual neighbors, then I'd normally be fine with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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She invites her friends-moms from other neighborhoods. I don't know them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:36 PM Flag
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You wouldn't know the nannies from your neighborhood either. She would more than likely seek out nannies of her same age and background. I think it's mostly fine but would ask/encourage her to also seek out similar age playmates from your neighborhood [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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Why would you care if people from outside the neighborhood came to the playground? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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I responded to the question above, I don't care who uses the playground. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:57 PM Flag
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You sound as wacky as the OP. wtf? Ppl from the outside 'hood can't come to your pretty 'hood? What is wrong with you ppl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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see above. Come to my pretty 'hood, I don't care about you using it:) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:03 PM Flag
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Why is this a problem? They are her friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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It's a good thing to socialize kids. Do you want db alone with nanny in house all day? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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I do want to socialize kids. There are plenty of neighborhood kids on the playground whose parents I know. I don't know the people she invites over and I feel like nanny wants to spend time with her friends rather than socialize kids. I am also concerned that she kept it a secret. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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Stat is the big deal if she invites ppl to a public park? If she is not bringing them to your home, she is not doing anything wrong [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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np: If she's hanging out with her friends while she is working for the OP and hiding it from the OP, it is a big deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:13 PM Flag
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So do you not want your nanny or child to interact with anyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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I do. There are plenty of neighborhood kids on the playground whose parents I know. I don't know the people she invites over and I feel like nanny wants to spend time with her friends rather than socialize kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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That shuts it...maybe the moms in your neighborhood won't give your nanny a second look since she is the hired help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:17 PM Flag
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I highly doubt it. Some kids are there with the nannies some are with parents. I was a nanny myself (more like a babysitter) in college and never once SAHMs were condescending or mean to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:59 PM Flag
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Wow, you can not control everything, you kid goes to the playground - you suggest everyone need to get your permission to be around your baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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Lololol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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No. I don't think so. I think if the kid goes to the playground, he choses playmates but is not forced to play with the kids nanny's frieds bring over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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No. I don't think so. I think if the kid goes to the playground, he choses playmates but is not forced to play with the kids nanny's frieds bring over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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You shouldn't be annoyed at all. But you learned something about yourself and you can use that to make yourself (and your nanny) happier. You just tell her you feel disconnected when you're at work all day and you wish you knew more of what was going on. Like what playgrounds they go to and who they have playdates with. Tell your nanny you'd appreciate a few texts throughout the day of what they're doing. and when she does text you, just reply very short with "thanks!" or "have fun!" or something positive. win-win [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:40 PM Flag
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np - that's actually an awesome suggestion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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Thank you for the feedback. She does next me throughout the day but she completely omitted the fact about her friends on the playground/ new kids that my baby has been seeing. I feel that I don't know a lot of things and that makes me worried. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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I'm the poster from above. Well you can ask her to send you more play date info. But if you have a lingering, uneasy feeling, maybe it's about something else. Sometimes you have to trust your instincts and know when to move on. If you're not normally neurotic about things, this may be one of those times. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:52 PM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:04 PM Flag
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There's nothing to address... it sounds like you have a good nanny! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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I don't mean to sound harsh, but the only thing you should address with your nanny is clarifying that she is free to socialize at the playground with other caregivers (moms and nannies) with their kids, but if she wants to invite them over for a playdate or take your db for a playdate she needs to ask you first.Once you get more comfortable with her judgm,ent (which you clearly aren't right now) then she can make these simple decisions and plans herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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THIS times a million. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:10 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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As long as the children are the same age as yours I think it's fine. If she invites to hang out with buddies, not fine. Mine hung out with her friends who took care of kids that were much older than mine, not ok. I pay her to entertain my kids, not herself. Just tell her that you want to be clear that you don't want people you don't know in your home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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The kids are older. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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Good points [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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You are aware it is a public playground? Anyone can go there. I could get on the train and go there right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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did you read my question? I am worried she does not tell me that she invites her friends to spend time with while she's at work. Come to my playground I don't care. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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The baby is 10 months, what is the big deal? Is she supposed to stare at it all day? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:59 PM Flag
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You can interact with a 10 months old. That's what she's paid to do. Surprise surprise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:09 PM Flag
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All day? Have you ever spent days on end with a ten month old? I wouldn't think this is a big deal at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:06 PM Flag
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I in fact had. You know, my job is not a waterpark either and can get boring, but I don't invite friends over to brighten my day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:08 PM Flag
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I honestly don't understand your question. What, exactly, do you think you may need to address? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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That she's hiding the fact she's been inviting her friends to join her on the playground. If it is a playdate why not mention it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:06 PM Flag
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Is she ignoring your child to hang out with these other moms? Are the kids much older than yours and not actually interacting with him? Lots of nannies (and moms) meet up with others with kids of similar age at the playground - that's a good thing. But if your nanny is sacrificing attention to your kid or otherwise jeopardizing him - that is a huge issue. Good example is a kid who is strapped into the stroller and bored while nanny chats with nanny or other friends (or blabs on the phone and ignores charge). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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Thank you. You worded this better than I did. The time I saw them (that's when I found out), my child was in the swing and she chatted away with a woman, whose child was sleeping in a stroller. I felt that my baby is lonely, nobody talks to him. Then a neighbor mentioned a mom-group and I asked the nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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Alone in the swing or was nanny pushing her while she chatted? If she happened to be talking to someone else while pushing your child on the swing I think you are overreacting. But if she was just hanging there - I would not like that either! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:26 PM Flag
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I will not flame you. IMO 10 month old does not need play-dates or socialization with other dbs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:05 PM Flag
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That's what I think. I am thinking of daycare now - at least its cheaper... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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That's what I think. I am thinking of daycare now - at least its cheaper... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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I guess this is a trust issue. our pt nanny has worked with us for 7 years now and I have no problem with her making plans for a playdate at the park, library, anywhere. I also would be fine if she invited another parent or nanny over but I'd like a head's up (I work from home, so it would be weird if she didn't). I also want her to tell me if she were taking my dc someplace different. So.... I think it is pretty reasonable to not want her to invite people over in to your home without your knowing it but maybe not totally reasonable to expect that every time she says "hey, bring the kids and let's all meet at the park at 10 for playtime" that she clears it with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:31 PM Flag
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I don't mean to be snarky, but is the issue that these other kids are of a different ethnic background than the "neighborhood kids?" Why would it be ok to hang out with kids/families/nannies from the neighborhood but not these children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:41 PM Flag
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no. this is a strange assumption. my nanny is white, her friends are white, neighborhood kids are of different ethnicities. I know their parents, but I don't my nanny's friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:48 PM Flag
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I'm just trying to figure out why it matters that she's meeting up at the playground with pple who aren't from your neighborhood. You said neighborhood kids would be fine but not these children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:07 PM Flag
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Other kids are fine, but they are older and it's not about them really - nanny invites friends, that do bring kids along. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:24 PM Flag
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Ask her point-blank if she is bringing/inviting people to your house. What does the playground have to do with your house? Do you own the playground? Is it part of your house? If not, shut the fuck up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:09 PM Flag
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go use your advice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:17 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you have a "role" in your family of origin? Is so, what is it? 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:19 PM Flag
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huh? do you mean the family you grew up in? I guess I'm the responsible one and my sister is the rebel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:23 PM Flag
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np Ditto. And my sister can do whatever and everyone else better be just fine with it per my mother (and my sister). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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I am the one that brings everyone together. I plan get together etc. I talk to everyone a lot more than others do. Everyone gets along, just busy and spread out and I make sure we do not use that as an excuse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:19 PM Flag
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Yes! Scapegoat! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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NPD mom? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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NYPD? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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+3 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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No, I'm an only. Not much family to speak of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:20 PM Flag
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I'm the mediator. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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LOL, and negotiator, also an only child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:24 PM Flag
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The responsible one [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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i'm the rock. i am the one you can count on. i manage through the crisis. i lend you money if you need it. i listen when there is aproblem with your kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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me too. the nice one. the good girl. the grown-up. blech. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:56 PM Flag
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I'm the Marilyn Munster aka the only normal one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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That's interesting, what makes you normal and what makes your sibs abnormal? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:50 PM Flag
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I have a job, I'm married, I have kids, I went to college, I'm not a substance abuser, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:00 PM Flag
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i'm the peacemaker [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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Princess. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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How does that play out? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:50 PM Flag
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It was awesome. Only child, obviously. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:02 PM Flag
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redheaded stepchild [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:50 PM Flag
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lmao [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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The smart one [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:46 PM Flag
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Ours switch around. We take turns being the successful one, the problem child, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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Classic middle child - the peacemaker. DH and I are both middles - it's a very calm combination, but I have to think our DCs are getting screwed somehow by having two middles for parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:02 PM Flag
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Probably going to be underachievers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:04 PM Flag
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This is true. If I weren't a middle, I'd get all up on DH about how we need to kick these kids' butts in gear, but I'll probably just put a few pairs of shoes away and try to clean some crayon off the wall for 5 minutes before giving up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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Funny, my middle child sister is a total self-centered bitch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:29 PM Flag
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Black sheep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Are maxi tank dresses still "in" this summer? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:15 PM Flag
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I hope not, I'm tired of seeing all those low hangers. Put on a bra. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:14 PM Flag
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OP: they work perfectly for me because I have awful legs I want to hide. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:15 PM Flag
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np - hiding your legs and wearing a bra are not mutually exclusive [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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Thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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Why can't you wear a bra with this dress exactly? Strapless bras? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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I wear a bra with my maxi tank dress - yes you can see the straps but they are black like the dress so it looks fine (I think?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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It doesn't. Wear a strapless - bra straps showing are beyond tacky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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I am pg, no way a strapless bra would work for me. I actually wear athletic bra with some of my maxi dresses, complimentary color, it looks cool actually. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:25 PM Flag
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Fine for just running around on the weekend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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Or get fun colored bras, it's kind of in to let bright straps peek through a little. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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It is tacky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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There are bras with clear straps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:43 PM Flag
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NO! please get yourself a strapless bra. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:08 PM Flag
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I say yes but I can't wear them because of my chubby arms sigh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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Pair them with a little jacket or cardigan. I see this all the time and I think it looks adorable! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:23 PM Flag
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Yes, they are everywhere. Love them too- so easy to throw one on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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better be. my legs are awful, so they're all i wear. in fact, even if they are out of style, i'm still going to wear them! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:42 PM Flag
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Me too! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 05:29 PM Flag
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They are in for me, I am heavily PG and they make me feel comfortable in the hot weather and I also can sit without having to cross my legs or put my knees together. I care less about my arms at this point and what anyone thinks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:27 PM Flag
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You go, Sugar! As long as you're allowed to pick your own wardrobe, then it's your choice! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:55 PM Flag
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they are so ugly - should not be worn unless at beach or backyard [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 05:53 PM Flag
[ - ] LOL bk hipsters complain about fake manhattan hipsters (aka flipsters)! 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20130521/williamsburg/bridge-and-tunnel-poser-hipsters-clog-williamsburg-bars-locals-complain? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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oh god, that's hilarious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:13 PM Flag
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wait until they get the queecksters: queens hipsters. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:09 PM Flag
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Would love to see some hipster-on-hipster fighting. They can eradicate themselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:10 PM Flag
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Those pussies don't fight, that is why the cops call them marshmallows. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:09 PM Flag
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I didn't mean actual fighting - I meant more like death glares and a dance-off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:10 PM Flag
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ha! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:13 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:10 PM Flag
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LOL hipster fight is stepping on each other's fedora. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:16 PM Flag
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Pulling on each others mustaches and having an artisanal cook off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:17 PM Flag
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Chicken-raising competition. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:12 PM Flag
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hahaha! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:10 PM Flag
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as someone who grew up in williamsburg and still has familial roots there, these so-called hipsters are completely offensive. who do they think they are? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:11 PM Flag
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I'm an les native and I HATE the new neighbors. They are idiots. They act like the whole neighborhood was built for them, do dumb dangerous shit and then are shocked when they get mugged. They have zero street smarts and are so rude to everyone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:15 PM Flag
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I feel like this about half the idiots who now live in Brooklyn. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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I moved to Brooklyn and I feel that. Where have all the natives gone? Where are all the bodegas? I hate that coffee is 2.50 and takes 20 minutes to make through a filter made from homemade paper and water gathered from a spring upstate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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oh man, when I first started seeing pasty white people with goofy helmets on bicycles heading into my old neighborhood, I wanted to stop them and warn them but then what can you say - they are like cats they seem to survive anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:43 PM Flag
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Austin native here - I feel your pain 100 percent!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:22 PM Flag
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and apparently they aren't cool enough to live in brooklyn. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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Another les native...they are ruining the neighborhood feel with their transplant bullshit [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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I like them, I grew up here, moved away, moved back - I don't miss the crime I grew up with that was horrendous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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and that is why I do not hangout in Forest Hills on the weekends , while not a hipsters town it is invaded lives from people - mostly teenagers from all around on the weekends - they are annoying as hell [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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oh OK now you are stretching it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:54 PM Flag
[ - ] im 22 weeks pregnant and i sleep 12 hours a day. pick up other 2 dc's at 6pm, feed them, get them in showers, confirm hw and paper slips, dh is home around 7ish to pick up where i left off, i shower and am in bed by 8pm. dcs are up at 7am, i help with bfst lunches, he walks them to school at 8am, i junp back in bed until 9:15am. then, up, get ready, 15 mins, 15 min commute, at work by 10. no one had yet cared. is this a dream? insane? how long can i keep it up? its the only way to manage my shortness of breath, nausea, joint pain and other ailments... 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:02 PM Flag
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How did you come by this part-time job arrangement? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:58 PM Flag
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its not part time, i just have been showing up at 10, and no one says anything. i leave at 5ish, sometimes earlier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:05 PM Flag
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I'm sure your coworkers have noticed, and I'm sure you are very popular at work... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:01 PM Flag
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just because no one said anything, it doesn't mean they are ok with it. Don't be sluggish because you are pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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get there on time and don't leave early, do your work if you want to keep your job [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:08 PM Flag
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They can't fire her while she is PG, only maybe after maternity leave. You have to have reviews and documentation and, she has to be aware of this, like being put on probation or have her boss tell her. If people don't tell you anything, they can't just fire you, or you get a lawyer. Lay offs are different, but firing someone, needs time and documentation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:30 PM Flag
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I'll take who cares for $100 Alex [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:04 PM Flag
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yeah, i get it, i was kind of trying to point out that this amount of rest has changed everything for me, and it might seem impossible to do, but as a working mom, or even sahm, pregnant or not, you should all do it too! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:07 PM Flag
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Yeah, sleeping 12 hours a day is totally feasible for everyone! I have a bridge to sell you... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:02 PM Flag
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LOL. I haven't had 12 hours of sleep since college coming down off of massive night of partying. Now with 2 young dcs and a demanding job, I get 4-5 hours tops. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:13 PM Flag
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Tell your OB. Get tested for anemia in case you are low on iron. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:19 PM Flag
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Seems excessive at this point in your pregnancy. I would definitely mention it to your ob. I was like that in my first trimester, but most people feel better once they hit the second. As for the work thing, your coworkers are probably cutting you some slack because of the pregnancy. Don't abuse it, but obviously if you can't function doing normal work hours, you do what you have to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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np: ITA. you're going to need some slack toward the end of the pregnancy, don't use up all your goodwill now! you're lucky to have a really helpful dh, sounds like you could work 9-5 and still get 10-11 hrs of sleep which many of us would kill for! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:40 PM Flag
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And why can't she work 10-6, same hours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:34 PM Flag
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she said she leaves around 5, sometimes earlier. she can do whatever she wants, obviously. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:51 PM Flag
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ITA, I am as far along as you are, but have more energy now than in first trimester and can get around on 7 hours of sleep. The first 15 weeks were hell. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:31 PM Flag
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I totally did this while pregnant (with twins)! And no one said anything. In some ways I was just as effective b/c I used my time at work more wisely. I don't know what I would have done if someone said something - I may have quit - I really don't think I could have gotten out of bed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:43 PM Flag
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I am PG and also get to the office later, I work from home in the morning if I have meetings or need to take care of something early, this way I don't need to wake up early to deal with my commute during rush hour, which is a crowded hell. People are understanding and I also don't leave early either. As long as you get your job done and you are on x-number of hours, I see no issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:36 PM Flag
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You sound incredibly lazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:12 PM Flag
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Why, she works 10-6, which is the same as 9-5. You don't know what her job is like, it's not like you are in retail or customer service where you have to be there at a certain hour to take care of opening and clients. If she has a desk job and no morning meetings and gets her stuff done, there is zero difference between someone working 9-5. In fact, I would have more problem with people working 7-3, because, they have less time in the office with everyone else, since leaving early, and coming in when nobody is at the office anyway. Sometimes having work-staff stay just one hour later can be very helpful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:39 PM Flag
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OP said she does not work 10-6. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:53 PM Flag
[ - ] does anybody know if Whole Foods carries Toms Mini for babies/toddlers? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:00 PM Flag
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The one by me doesn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:54 PM Flag
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where are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:02 PM Flag
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At my house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:05 PM Flag
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^or: that wasn't me - I'm in Austin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:01 PM Flag
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op here: Thank you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:10 PM Flag
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YW! Don't know if that's helpful or not! Nordstrom has the Minis. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:08 PM Flag
[ - ] In an effort to change its image, and win an election, the Republican Party is spending money and resources to help women and minorities navigate the candidacy application process. You can call this what you want, but I call it, Affirmative Action. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:57 PM Flag
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Link: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/gop-official-still-institutional-barriers-republican-women-running-205021143.html [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:57 PM Flag
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Don t worry the IRS will audit all of them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:13 PM Flag
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If the IRS is going to audit anyone, it should be them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:23 PM Flag
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At least they are making an effort, their base is dying off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:16 PM Flag
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OP: I applaud it. But it is what it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:23 PM Flag
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What is wrong with reaching out? The current crop of politicians isn't so great. All they do is serve their own careers, maybe people who have actually met their voter base would serve the people better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:22 PM Flag
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ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:13 PM Flag
[ - ] Regarding tornado. Why can't they mandate / change building codes in the tornado belt? To include mandatory shelter space underground in each area? I read that a mother was trying to hide in a freezer with the baby. Why won't we say every new house/ school should have a freezer type room? Too expensive? It's so devastating and it keeps happening every year. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:55 PM Flag
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Yes, very expensive. And tornado country is both poor and regulation - averse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:56 PM Flag
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very good explanation! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:10 PM Flag
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Ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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Yes, interesting. Darwin playing out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:38 PM Flag
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Because tornadoes tend to happen in those states where people don't like being told what to do by the government. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:52 PM Flag
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Right, I am sure that they would turn down storm shelters because they were regulated, its a money issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:17 PM Flag
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Yes but they'll be more than happy to take the federal dollars headed their way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:39 PM Flag
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Of course it is to expensive! Those shelters cost 5-10K that is a lot in those areas. Moore looks like a pretty affluent area but a lot of towns in the tornado belt are very poor old farm towns. It is super sad but not a lot can be done. Thank goodness our meteorologist and the tools are getting better. They said the weather channel started talking about this tornado and possible path a early as friday. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:03 PM Flag
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I watched the wizard of OZ - they had bilco doors and ran into a storm shelter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:17 PM Flag
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I read you can have a storm sheller or tornado shelter added to your home. One is an underground shelter built into the earth. The other can be a separate room reinforced with steel, and if your home is blown away, the shelter will remain standing. FEMA must inspect and approve every one built. This is great for homes without basements. I believe they cost less than 5,000 to build. I wish it were mandatory for every home to have one of these, if the house lacks a basement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:12 PM Flag
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CNN said they some of the kids who died at school drowned in the basement cause it filled up with water. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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omg. that's horrible. those poor families. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Trying to lose 10lbs but I'm currently obsessed with mandarin oranges. Like 3 a day in recent days - too much sugar or okay to eat? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:53 PM Flag
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excellent alternative to ice cream. if you count calories, you'll be able to have one at each meal, without taking in too much sugar. plus vitamin c and antioxidants. dh is doing this too. he has no sweet tooth, but loves oranges. good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:59 PM Flag
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Thanks! For me it is better than chocolate in any form - GL to your dh! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:04 PM Flag
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oh my goodness - I eat unlimited fruit and plain veg, no one ever got fat on citrus fruit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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+2 you're fine, eat as many mandarin oranges as you want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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enjoy! 3 a day is not that many at all! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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it can be hard to lose weight while eating too much sugar, of course. maybe try counting calories and carbs for a couple of days, that's the only way to know if 3 a day is too much combined with your other food. of course better than chocolate.. but if i ate chocolate every day i'd gain weight.. i couldn't lose weight eating three pieces of fruit a day on top of my regular intake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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There are about 10 million worse things you could do as a fat person trying to lose. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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Excellent. High fiber, the uptake of fructose is slow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:51 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone ever had a haircut at a DRAMATICS salon? Thoughts? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:52 PM Flag
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They really don't care if you come back. It's like McDonald's for haircuts or something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:57 PM Flag
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I have been going to the same person there for 4 years. I love her. At any salon you are going to have good and bad people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:43 PM Flag
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In 1993 I think. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:45 PM Flag
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I used to work in an office building where the dramatics "corporate office" was on our floor. The owner(?) was always screaming and raging at the office staff or on the phone. Plus their office looked like hoarders lived there. It left an impression.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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Fine for a trim but not great for a cut. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:21 PM Flag
[ - ] Did anyone have a twin pregnancy and NOT have to go on bedrest? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:49 PM Flag
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My sister. She delivered at 37 weeks. Did not have to go on bedrest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:51 PM Flag
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How old [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:52 PM Flag
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Me. I was taking it VERY easy at the end, but never had to go on bed rest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:46 PM Flag
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How old were u? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:52 PM Flag
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At how many weeks were your twins delivered? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:53 PM Flag
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My grandma, my mom, my SIL. Grandma and SIL went to 37 weeks I think. My twin and I were born at 33 weeks, but were fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:47 PM Flag
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np: my grandma, my aunts, and my cousins. I also have a lot of twins in my family--about 6 pairs total. they were not on bedrest except one cousin [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:10 PM Flag
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I made it to 35 weeks with no bedrest, delivered at 38 weeks. Honestly, at 35 weeks I was sort of relieved to be in bed! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:50 PM Flag
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I was 34 when they were born. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:51 PM Flag
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Yes, I did. Went to 39 weeks and those kids still had to be dragged out of me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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I was 34 by the way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:07 PM Flag
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Also went to 39 weeks and a scheduled induction. No bedrest, no morning sickness. But the universe was just being kind because the sleep deprivation of the first few months was brutal. I was 34. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:23 PM Flag
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Most twin moms I know personally who did not have activity restrictions or bedrest delivered early, 34-35 weeks or so. By the end you're carrying 10-15 pounds of babies (plus placentas x2, fluid x2 etc) It's a lot for the body (and cervix) to take! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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Me. Went to 35 weeks. My whole ob/gyn practice never did bed rest. It's much less popular in the US vs UK. My doctors said there are no scientific studies that prove bed rest leads to healthier babies. However, the last few weeks I was on a very modified routine - but that was b/c my body was telling me to do very little - not my doctors. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:46 PM Flag
[ - ] My sister dropped a bomb on me this weekend and I wasn't sure how to respond. She said her husband and her having been meeting other couples online for the past year for drinks, dinner, and then sex. When she sensed I was being judgmental, she made the point that DH and I have a pretty passionless marriage with not much sex, something I've complained to her about before. She said I shouldn't judge her for having a fun vibrant sex life in her 40s ('recreational sex' is the term she used). They've been married almost 20 years, and I've always envied the strength of their marriage. Thoughts from the crowd? 71 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:47 PM Flag
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To each his/her own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:55 PM Flag
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Well, if it works for them, good. Takes a certain personality to take on this kind of recreation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:57 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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Yuo, if they're both ok with it, why judge? I do wonder why she brought it up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:53 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:05 PM Flag
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Personally I find it repugnant but I'm not her. I don't consider having sex with other couples a "strong marriage"? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:54 PM Flag
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OP: Hard part is that I can't really say what's wrong with it. I had plenty of sex before I got married. And I have plenty of divorced friends that have active sex lives. So it's hard for me to use the 'you might get an STD' argument or 'you have too many sex partners' argument. I guess I'm not even sure what too many is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:58 PM Flag
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it seems that you are a slut in remission and sluttiness runs in the family! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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Grandma, is that you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:20 PM Flag
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Good to see that slut shaming is alive and well. I hoped it was only the provenance of Rush Limbaugh and the GOP, but it seems professional women have no problem with it as well. Restores my distrust in humanity. Yuck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:19 PM Flag
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What on Earth is wrong with slut shaming? I was a slut for a while and I'm glad I got shamed. It's not an emotionally healthy way to live. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:30 PM Flag
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Gee What do we need men to crap on women for when there are plenty of women like you to do it for them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:58 PM Flag
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right. I think if both partners are truly comfortable and on board with the plan and they've dispensed with the jealousy issue, what's the harm? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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That would be the issue for me, I'm not sure I totally buy it that both partners ever EQUALLY deal with the jealousy issue? I guess I'm suspicious that it is always one partner sort of dragging the other along? Weird power dynamics. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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I've read that swinging culture is really driven by women--men basically don't approach, women set the rules, etc. They do this first because if it's not female friendly, they're all going to disappear and that's the end of the party. I think it also makes people feel better about the power dynamic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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Ok? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:23 PM Flag
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THIS! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:30 PM Flag
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Doesn't she need to feel ANY sort of emotional connection to or commitment to the people she is intimate with? I agree that most people have casual sex at some point in their lives but most women (mothers) outgrow that phase (which is largely narcissistic, compulsive and self-destructive). Why re-live that in marriage? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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I didn't realize that casual sex is narcissistic, compulsive, and self-destructive. I just thought it was fun. And still think it's fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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np: agreed. I think you can have friendly feelings toward sex partners without loving them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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The idea that you growing out of thinking that sex is fun probably explains why so many UBers complain about sex-less marriages, don't want to have sex with DH, and/or worry constantly that DH is cheating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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Who said anything about sex not being fun? The only "fun" sex is with a random stranger? Sex in a committed relationship can be fun AND soul-nurturing and connection-deepening and trust-bonding. Sex isn't just about "scratching an itch" for the fun of it. Being honest, the best sex of my life has been with men I truly knew and cared about, the fool-drunk sex always left me feeling like I wanted to slink home in shame. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:52 PM Flag
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Do you think marriage is (by definition) monogamous? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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I feel sorry for you, sincerely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:31 PM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:05 PM Flag
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Have her show you pics of some of the couples they have met. End of argument. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:10 PM Flag
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But they don't have to have sex with them if they aren't attracted to them. they can end it at drinks and/or dinner. It seems like a good system if you are so inclined. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:19 PM Flag
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The point is they are ALL gross. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:00 PM Flag
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This sounds great to me! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:12 PM Flag
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Curious, do they have sex all together, or swap partners? I think I'd be more comfortable with the latter. I have no desire to see my dh banging another woman, but if things were stale between us and we were both open to swapping, it seems your sis have a good method of meeting and screening the couples so everyone is on equal footing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:18 PM Flag
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OP: They've done it both ways, but prefer being in separate rooms she said. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:20 PM Flag
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So she goes off with some stranger dude while her DH bangs the guy's wife. "I've always envied the strength of their marriage"?!?!? Yuck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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or: you are a fool. op's clear point was that up until learning this info, she had envied the strength of their marriage. Also, have you really never fantasized about another guy? While I cna't imagine ever wanting to do couple swapping, if we were inclined to do it, I'd much rather be alone in the room with the hot guy and not seeing or thinking about my dh with chick. The hard part would be when it was over. Ughm and what happens if one couple finishes first, then they are sitting around waiting for their spouses to finish banging! Good grief. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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Eww. Why would she tell you this?!? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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Whatever floats your boat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:17 PM Flag
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I wouldn't share that info with my family--I don't want to think about them having sex, they shouldn't have to think about me having sex. But I don't doubt that their marriage is a good one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:17 PM Flag
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wow. I would never. "forsaking all others" is an integral part of marriage for me, it would kill me to think of my dh having sex with another woman. plus, meeting strangers online and having sex with them just isn't appealing to me. the whole seem seems likely to end in disaster - emotional attachment, jealousy and hurt feelings, just a terrible idea. But apparently polyamory is all the rage now so what do I know? btw, married 16 years and very happy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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That's not polyamory. They aren't in a plural marriage. The only person they love is their own spouse. They're swinging. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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polyamory is swinging. polygamy is plural marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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polyamory is loving more than one person--more than one person in a relationship. Look at the latin roots in the word. Look up the definition if you must. Swinging is very specifically about monogamous love, but non-monogamous sex. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:36 PM Flag
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or: ok, forgive my poor terminology, OP's sis is a swinger. But I was actually referring to the many posts on Jezebel where everyone goes on about how wonderful it is, how unnatural monogamy is and anyone who raises concerns is shot down as a fuddy-duddy. Seems like pop culture has decided monogamous marriage is silly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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and yes, I know, Jezebel is not representative of pop culture. but women on UB seem to think most guys cheat, so my point - that my dh & I may be totally out of the mainstream in believing marriage = lifetime monogamy - stands. sadly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:57 PM Flag
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From the perspective of someone who divorced because DH was cheating, I've become a lot more sanguine about 'forsaking all others.' Though divorcing was the right thing for me and kids at the time, I do often wonder whether an open relationship / swinging might have let us keep the things we really love about each other and marriage without having to divorce because of sex with others. I used to think fidelity was the most important part of a marriage. Now I'm not so sure. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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Well you could have made that decision to not care about the sex. But your ex would have held all the cards in that department. He would have gotten exactly what he wanted with no sacrifices. To me that is BS. If a man cannot keep his dick in his pants for the sake of his wife, kids, home, he doesn't deserve those things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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If they both want to explore their sexuality together it isn't cheating. It might be "weird", but it isn't cheating. It also isn't my business what consenting and honest adults do in their bedroom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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Is this OP? I agree with you but why on earth is she telling you then? It isn't any of your business but she's blabbing it all over you and making you imagine it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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No, but they are sisters. Maybe she wanted to confide in her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:45 PM Flag
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This is OP. We've always been really close. She wanted to talk with someone about it, because she (obviously) can't discuss it with her regular friends. And she knew that I wouldn't be as judgmental or gossip (at least IRL!). I can't very well shun her, and some friends might. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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Is she 100% comfortable with it? Was it her idea or DH's or mututal (although how on earth could it ever truly be mutual, 2 people don't suddenly announce simultaneously that they want to start banging strangers!)? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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Then just be an ear and listen. I'm sure over the years you have shared something she was uncomfortable with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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My guess is that OP's sister isn't as comfortable with it all as she pretends, otherwise why would she care what her sister thinks, care about her judgement or try to justify her behavior? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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I didn't see it that way at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:58 PM Flag
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+1. She lashed out at OP and tried to humiliate her - which makes me think this is how she feels about herself, deep down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:06 PM Flag
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exactly, the sister jumped on OP about how she complains about a lack of passion in her marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:24 PM Flag
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yes but not if he wanted to step out and you didn't. then you being forced to cheat to even the footing wouldn't really be even footing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:45 PM Flag
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nr: exactly. he would have initiated it w/o getting your ok, and you'd both always know it and the balance of power would be off. plus, sooner or later one of you would have gotten emotionally involved, and you'd have to live with that fear, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. plus, I'm not downplaying the pain of the divorce at all, but once he revealed himself as a liar and a cheat, wouldn't it be hard to respect and like him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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fwiw, one of my good friends found out her father was cheating on her mother when we were in college and it really messed her up. totally random discovery, I'm sure he thought he was being discreet. major trust issues and cynicism about marriage since her mom decided to stay after multiple incidents. I think you did the right thing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:04 PM Flag
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same here. close family friends when I was growing up had 3 kids. the dad was a philanderer and it was well known. mom stayed. all 3 kids have had failures of marriages (all divorced, one of them twice). cannot be a coincidence. it's not a healthy model of marriage to show children and it is very unlikely that it will always be a "secret". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:27 PM Flag
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You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. A lot of these other women, not so much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:33 PM Flag
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I take it back, I just realized you spend a lot of time on Jezebel.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:34 PM Flag
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That is truly fucked up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:24 PM Flag
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Do they have children? Where are the kids when all this swinging is going on? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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More power to them. I think it's great. They're not hurting anyone and they feel happier and more connected to each other. No problem from my perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:42 PM Flag
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really hard to believe fucking other people helps them feel more connected to each other. I can see how it would reignite sexual passion or whatever, but fostering deeper friendship/intimacy? no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:05 PM Flag
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+1 There may be "reasons" to swing but creating a deeper, more trusting and intimate bond with your partner is NOT one of them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:22 PM Flag
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I love my wife and this would not be for me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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From the way you posted it sounds to me like your sister is not happy with this set-up and is being defensive. If she were truly comfortable with this set-up she would not have gotten so defensive. Would I be happy with this arrangement? No, and neither would you. I don't think she is either. You never really know what goes on in someone else's marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:04 PM Flag
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Whatever works for them. Who cares? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 04:16 PM Flag
[ - ] Please oh please oh please nice weather this weekend!! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 05.21.13, 01:46 PM Flag
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I do not think you really have a leg to stand on to complain about weather right now unless you live in OK [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:04 PM Flag
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Ok, fair enough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:59 PM Flag
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OK weather has always sucked hard. This is nothing new, and I plan on complaining often that it's been raining here for 2 weeks straight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:56 PM Flag
[ - ] I want to buy a really nice mobile home and tour the country for two years. Any suggestions on what to see? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 05.21.13, 01:42 PM Flag
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We love our Airstream! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:38 PM Flag
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Walmart allows RVers and truckers to "camp" in their parking lots free of charge. Just an FYI. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:48 PM Flag
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Klassy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:07 PM Flag
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white trash tailgate every night [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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avoid the tornado alley in tornado season. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:07 PM Flag
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See Sedona, AZ, it is beautiful! Also The Grand Canyon and The Petrified Forest. Colonial Williamsburg, VA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:19 PM Flag
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San Juan Islands! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:34 PM Flag
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Hijack - I'm going this summer, any tips? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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Yellowstone, Monterrey Bay, Yosemite [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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Mount Rushmore and the Black Hills [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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They are called RVs, not mobile homes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Why is it so hard to get over someone who, when you think about it rationally and objectively, you know is not good for you? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 05.21.13, 01:41 PM Flag
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because your mind it not rational. Sometimes those people have SOME good qualities, but you keep thinking of only they could change this one thing... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Aside from the usual gift cards, what are some good end-of-year teacher gifts. TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:41 PM Flag
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^^^should add, looking to give one large gift from class. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:42 PM Flag
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gift cards, and something made by the kids, you could have each kid write/draw a special memory and then bind together in a book. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:28 PM Flag
[ - ] Name poll: Anne (nn Annie), Margaret (nn Maggie), Catherine (nn Cate), Louisa (nn Lulu) 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:39 PM Flag
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Love them all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:43 PM Flag
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Me too. Except Catherine/Cate with a K. Cate will forever be spelled Kate. Signed, Sarah that is always spelled Sara [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:40 PM Flag
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All are cute. The only one I don't LOVE is Catherine/Cate. Pretty, but any of the other three are a bit less common and just as pretty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:40 PM Flag
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All great. Favorites are Louisa and Margaret just because they would be slightly more unusual, but all are classic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:48 PM Flag
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I prefer Anna to Anne. Anne is kind of blah. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 01:55 PM Flag
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Dislike Maggie. I am Margaret with a different nickname... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:18 PM Flag
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Lulu is a terrible name. It sounds like a dogs name. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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Ditto, pls do not call her Lulu, truly horrible [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 05:25 PM Flag
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hate them all. nuns names. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.13, 03:28 PM Flag
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