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[ - ] I feel so worried that my husband could be sleeping around with our kid's babysitter, who comes 3 to 4 times a week. I have been so busy at work that I don't have much time at home. My husband always comes home 5 hours before I do. Once time I came and saw a use condom in the trash. I talk to my husband about it and he says that he found that under our bed from the night we both had sex. So I did not say anything after words. But things just got strange. It's seems like my husband is just too nice to her! I wish I was not so busy at work! I can't even think at times, just wondering if my husband is messing on me with her! Could he be cheating or do i need to relax and not worry about it? Me and my husband been married for 8 years now 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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If this is real, replace sitter. Easy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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I think she needs to replace her DH. If he would cheat on her with the babysitter, it's not like he won't be able to find another woman to cheat with, or keep seeing the babysitter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:43 PM Flag
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Anything is possible. Can you find more time for your DH? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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Come home from work early one day (Just tell them you're sick) and see what happens. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:57 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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If you suspect something is going on, it's for a reason. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:57 PM Flag
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Uh huh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:59 PM Flag
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Set up a camera? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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Well, do you use condoms when you have sex with your DH? If not, then obviously he's lying. If so, then it' probably yours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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I think she'd know whether a used condom was missing or not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:03 PM Flag
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Change sitters before he becomes emotionally attached. It will be nigh impossible if he falls in love with her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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If he's screwing her he probably is already in love with her. Sucks to be the OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:58 PM Flag
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I dunno, some men start with the physical and leave it at that. If he continues with the physical he could become emotionally engaged and then the marriage is in deep crud [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:19 PM Flag
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He would be very dumb to sleep with sitter then leave used condom in the trash. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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At least you know it's not about you as he would have done the first thing that came along. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:13 PM Flag
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At least he's using a condom.... a knocked up baby sitter = 21 years of child support our of YOUR pocket by the sounds of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:08 PM Flag
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Nanny cam [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:16 PM Flag
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here's what's fishy: He found the condom under the bed? I don't think my DH has looked under our bed in 25 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:17 PM Flag
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THIS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:32 PM Flag
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ha ha, so true! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:42 PM Flag
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...found it AND bother to pick it up and throw it in the trash? LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:52 PM Flag
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nannycam. Literally. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:46 PM Flag
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Use condom? After words? Messing on me with her? Me and my husband? You sound like an uneducated troll who is trying to stir up the paranoia of career women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:16 PM Flag
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+1 exactly what i thought! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:22 PM Flag
[ - ] biggest pet peeve - pants that stretch out through the day, and get so big and baggy you can take them off without unbuttoning. old navy is the worst offender. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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OMG THIS!. Hate it. I have a couple pants that i have trouble with and they are ON. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:56 PM Flag
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ON = OLD NAVY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:56 PM Flag
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so many are like this now it's miserable [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:32 PM Flag
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This is why you should size down with cheap brands. Or better yet, get pricier pants that won't stretch out after one wear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:09 PM Flag
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Why do you buy these pants??? They probably weren't that attractive to begin with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:10 PM Flag
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Yes! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:11 PM Flag
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Buy better pants [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:22 PM Flag
[ - ] About a month ago I noticed that my husband would emit some sort of stale putrid smell. I get up in the morning a few hours before he does (he has an odd work schedule) and I usually close the door when I get up. A few hours later, when he opens the door to our bedroom where he was sleeping, a smell like I have never smelled seems to waft out of the room and hang in the air. At first, it was only bad in the morning, but now the smell seems to follow him. Sorry if this is TMI, but it's sort of like a, as my young son would say, "toot smell" that follows like a cloud. He insists he doesn't know what I'm talking about, but it's bad. I'm concerned because my husband had cancer last year and had radiation. I'm worried there may be something terribly wrong. I honestly can't tell where the smell is "emitted" from...his breath (while sleeping, he breathes entirely through his mouth) or if he is actually passing gas. He appreciated that I told him he smells, but he thinks it's related to what he's been eating lately. He's been eating more veggies, some spices like Tumeric and tuna fish with garlic. All of this is because he's trying to eat healthier post-cancer. Let me tell you...it's cold here this time of year, but I find myself opening the windows just to air the house out. I can't even walk into our bedroom without being hit with this choking smell. I'm also concerned because he spends an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. We went to an event, and when we got there he said he had to stop off at the bathroom. I rolled my eyes, knowing we would be there a long time...he was in there 20 MINUTES, and we were late to the event. Not to mention, and this was embarrassing, another man went it to the bathroom and walked right out (I was waiting outside) and said to his friend, "ugh, it's gross in there. Smells like someone died." :( My husband had throat cancer, does not and never did smoke, doesn't drink and is now cancer-free post-radiation. I'm worried he might have an issue with his colon, bowels, or something worse. He's already said he eliminated many of the foods that we thought were causing it, but the smell is still there. How long can bad foods stay in your system causing this smell? Or, does this sound like something else to anyone? I'm really worried and embarrassed for him. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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Yes - cancer can make a smell. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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Consult a physician [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:56 PM Flag
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If you're going to be long winded and fake, be more interesting. So your husband has bowel movements. Mine does to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:02 PM Flag
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op here, this is not fake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:04 PM Flag
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This could be a side effect of radiation. Perhaps you should have dh check with oncologist. Also, might want to post this situation on a cancer-oriented message board. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:09 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:16 PM Flag
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See a doctor. If there's an unusual odor in his skin the doctor should be able to smell it. It should be easy to run tests if necessary. Please don't google this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:15 PM Flag
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+! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:22 PM Flag
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Doctor. And have doctor check for celiac, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:48 PM Flag
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See a doctor ASAP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:54 PM Flag
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See a doctor. Weird odor is often a sign that a person is not metabolizing something they are ingesting properly. People with PKU, diabetes, celiac and other things like that have weird odors. Sounds like the cancer treatment may have done something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Really down. Picture most strong-willed toddler you know and multiply by 10. That's DS. Every weekend I argue with DH over how to handle. DH wants to fight every battle, I pick them. Ex: tried to take DS to park this am. When we got there he didn't want to stay (don't know why) and had a fit. My thought was- fine. Forget it. We'll go home. DH wanted to force him to stay so he wouldn't get his way. So DH and I are in a fight. This is hard. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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How old? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:29 PM Flag
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2.5 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:30 PM Flag
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LOL. nothing counts at 2.5. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:36 PM Flag
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?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:42 PM Flag
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Having an argument with your spouse about a 2 year old is a waste of time and energy. Save your strength. 2 and 3 suck - and if you think everything you do is going to have influence on this typical behavoir (that ends on its own no matter what) you are simply not thinking. Nothing counts when your kid is 2. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:49 PM Flag
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I see what you mean. I'm just sick of DH, who wants to fight every single battle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:45 PM Flag
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Look, you don't get to say what type of dad dh is any more than he gets to say what type of mom you are. It is foolish to try and make some sort of pact. You don't have to be "on the same page" - you each are good people, good parents, only want the best for your dc - let it go, breath enjoy the toddler years, they go fast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:53 PM Flag
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and don't discount your dh's ideas especially if you have a ds. there is a boy code we don't know about. no matter how many parenting books you read :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:54 PM Flag
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thank you :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:50 PM Flag
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that's what UB is about for me! happy to share. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:57 PM Flag
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Good advice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:06 PM Flag
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Get on the same page now. This time is an opportunity for the 2 of you to iron out discipline philosophy. Otherwise your child will end up going working the both of you. My husband and I were this way and there were consequences when our DC entered school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:08 PM Flag
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my dh and I are complete opposites on almost every front - our children don't work us. Just because we have different ideas and opinions does not mean we can't work together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:04 PM Flag
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Sure, just ask their teachers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:16 PM Flag
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DH I'd right. You set the agenda, but give DS some choice in the beginning. We will stay for 10 minutes or an hour. We treated DS like you are when he was a toddler and spent years undoing the belief that he calls the shots. Take him errand running, make him do things he doesn't want to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:51 PM Flag
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When you are together, decide who is "in charge" for that time and then the other person has to back them up. Take turns being in charge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:55 PM Flag
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we will often do this - I'm better in some situations, he's better in others - we will each say "I got this". BUT, you have to be working together to be able to let go. I find most new moms are insistent on teaching their dh how to be a dad the "right" way. That is where the problems arise. It should not be a battle. Children with parents who are opposites - turn out great! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:06 PM Flag
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The late twos, early threes are a rough time. Definitely pick your battles and then stick to the ones you do choose. Redirecting is still good for some situations. Once you have acknowledged that a behavior isn't appropriate, eg hitting the kid next to him, remove him from the situation vs. keeping the temptation there. I only had to carry my older son home once in a fireman carry 3 blocks to make him understand that when it's time to go, we must leave. Also, most kids have trouble with transitions and need a warning about what's coming next. Five min ahead of changing. An activity, tell him the plan. Then give a two minute warning. Setting a timer is helpful. I use my phone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] I find it shocking how medicated Americans are. No where in the world are children diagnosed with a litany of "disorders" and medicated, nowhere! And the number of adults that are on antidepressants, anxiety medication etc - again not the norm in any other country. I think most adults in other cultures accept that life can be tough, unfair, difficult at times - that's life! No one reaches for pharmaceuticals to smooth life's troubles away. Not being critical, just genuinely surprised and curious why this is so. Why do Americans so readily accept pharmaceuticals?? 81 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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THISSSSSSS X 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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No one in the industrialized world works as many hours as we do (on average) with as poor of a diet as we have, so it kind of makes sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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To the point of medicating our children?? Insane! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:59 PM Flag
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Well, if you had 6 weeks of paid vacation plus unlimited sick time, never worked more than 8 hours in a day (which includes at least an hour for lunch), there was no sense of urgency about salary, getting into the right schools, being the skinniest, etc. and ate fresh healthy food all day why would you need depression meds? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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Yes because th life in 3rd world Countries are just like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:33 PM Flag
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I think industrialized world was mentioned. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:41 PM Flag
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NO. It wasn't [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:45 PM Flag
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Not in the OP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:46 PM Flag
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new here? these responses were not to OP or they would have lined up left justified - this is all in response to the second response where the words "industrialized world" are clearly stated. Just admit you were wrong and don't look like a dog with a bone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:55 PM Flag
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Although the annual prevalence of mental disorders in children and adolescents is not as well documented as that for adults, about 20 percent of children are estimated to have mental disorders with at least mild functional impairment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:10 PM Flag
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Again, that is a very American take on things. I think most other cultures/countries just accept that a percentage of kids will just be horrid when young...you know, kids! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:21 PM Flag
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Very few cultures will routinely tag children as having "mental disorders" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:19 PM Flag
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Early intervention for severe and persistent mental illness is just as critical as it is for severe and persistent physical illness. This is not an American take, in fact we are more advanced on this neurological research than most countries, It takes on average two years for the proper diagnosis partly because people are in denial and also don't know how to recognize the symptoms, they chalk it up to kids will be kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:22 PM Flag
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this is what they try to sell - but look at some studies who follow children until age 16. Those with no intervention fair the same. So much for the "early intervention" thing. Maybe with a speech impediment (easily dx) - but not what this post is about really. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:27 PM Flag
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Please point me to those studies , I am interested [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:37 PM Flag
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you can find them - just start with simple google. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:37 PM Flag
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I am and I can't find them. I only see articles on quantitative studies in medical pediatric journals that further enforce my statement and refute yours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:45 PM Flag
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then carry on in your belief. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:51 PM Flag
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Sigh, OP's point exactly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:52 PM Flag
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np, AND other cultures accept the fact that a child might not be a great student and that's ok - not everyone is or needs to be. Americans can't accept that. If their dc is not in a top reading group - there has to be a medical reason for it. It can't possibly be anything else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:27 PM Flag
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Are you still made that the OP below who is terrified of flying might take a klonipin on her flight? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:03 PM Flag
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Sorry, didn't even read that thread. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:00 PM Flag
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I take Xanax on a flight and love how relaxed I feel [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:18 PM Flag
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Ha ha, no, that was me, sweet cheeks. I'm not the OP of this post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:06 PM Flag
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It is very sad. Part of it is that we're lazy and want a quick fix. But the other part is that insurance will more readily pay for that quick fix (even if it means during you into a lifelong drug addict), rather than therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:03 PM Flag
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My pet peeve is when people use terms like "drug addict" to someone who is on prescription psych medications. These people are not drug addicts. I agree that the meds are overpresribed, yes. But to call someone a drug addict because they are depressed and their doctor prescribed Prozac is insulting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:09 PM Flag
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Ignore that person, She doesn't understand mental health . And it's not her fault if she hasn't had to deal with it in her own life. Society needs to educate people about mental health and fight the stigma associated with it, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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at the same time fighting not to dx and medicate those who don't need it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:28 PM Flag
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I agree. Rx is serious stuff and should be the last resort [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:29 PM Flag
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What about people who use illegal drugs to self-medicate against prior abuse, trauma, or depression? A drug-addict is a drug-addict. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:56 PM Flag
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Because Americans want a "quick fix". They don't want years of talk therapy. And the psychiatrists realize that if they stop prescribing meds to everyone, people won't have any reason to pay high fees to see true psychiatrists (MDs) anymore- they will just see a free counselor at the church. Or a psychologist (not a doctor). All psychiatrists have to separate them from much cheaper therapists are medication prescriptions. So they push them like crazy to keep their business. IMO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:05 PM Flag
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OP - therapy too is another curiously American obsession. Again, adults everywhere have problems, difficult moments. Surely being an adult means you somehow work at solving your own issues etc. Just seems like some many people have these long co-dependent relationships with ( expensive!) therapists. Really bizarre [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:16 PM Flag
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So, no talk therapy either then? What do you think is okay for someone with major depression to do to help themselves? You realize that in many other countries, depression is stigmatized which is why no one gets treatment for it. They just live, depressed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:22 PM Flag
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NP, we ALL get depressed sometimes and it a normal occurance. Yes, some people have clinical depression but I fear that at the first sign of distress - Americans and their docs run to drugs. It is not necessary. Again, depression is a normal thing (not clinical depression) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:29 PM Flag
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This X100!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:44 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:57 PM Flag
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Of course there will be individuals who genuinely need help for depression, mental disorders. That i do no question. I am more aghast at this whole dinner party circuit, of course I have a therapist attitude that I find so prevalent in the US. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:34 PM Flag
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+1 I agree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:57 PM Flag
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What does the average American have to be depressed about? I'm curious what the Prozac users on this board have to be depressed about? There's probably not enough real struggle in their lives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:57 PM Flag
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Clarification - Therapy is a white American problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:56 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:09 PM Flag
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Because 1 in 4 adults experience a serious psychiatric disorder in their lifetime. And the US medical system is set up for as a fee for service and not for integrated managed care. It's easier for doctors to prescribe rx. Rx can help but not always and certainly only as part of an overall treatment program. Many other countries don't have the resources to provide even the basic fee for service care plus they have even more significant stigma issues in their societies to overcome than we do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:07 PM Flag
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Geniune question - what would qualify as a "serious psychiatric disorder"? and 1 in 4??? crikey! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:18 PM Flag
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Mental illnesses are medical conditions that disrupt a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life. Serious mental illnesses include major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and borderline personality disorder. The good news about mental illness is that recovery is possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:25 PM Flag
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NP: see, the problem with this list of serious mental illnesses as you call it, is that they are all labels. Labels with fairly loose descriptions. easy to just tick some boxes and slap a label on. And only in America do these labels get slapped around so profusely. It's scary how you've just listed them all, like they are your everyday common cold. Just read UB - hundreds of borderline PD, bipolar individuals seemingly in NY alone! This is really not how other cultures operate. And def NOT with regards to children [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:42 PM Flag
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np, there is one poster who is not going to give up on this - can't tell yet if its a doc or a mom with a mentally ill child - either way - not worth the fight for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:57 PM Flag
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I hear you. The DSM-5 is about to be released after nearly 20 years in the making. The problem is that it continues to use symptoms as the primary way to decide if a person has a particular disorder. Research hasn't been successful enough for us to classify mental illness on the underlying biology as opposed to symptomatic surface appearance, The brain is very complicated and simple lab tests for mental disorders don't exist, yet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:56 PM Flag
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Most on point answer so far in this post [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:13 PM Flag
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1 in 4 adults do not experience a serious psychiatric disorder in their lifetime. That is the point! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:30 PM Flag
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Actually they do, medical research has shown that. It can happen at any point in your lifetime, including depression at age 75. It is the number one cause for disability in this country [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:31 PM Flag
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of for goodness sakes - at 75 your body is falling apart, our friends are dead, you can't read or get out by yourself - you should be sad!!!!! You are proving the point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:33 PM Flag
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medical research backed by pharm companies? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:34 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:34 PM Flag
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Backed by the NIMH. National Institute of Mental Health [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:38 PM Flag
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Sing it sista! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:09 PM Flag
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Because we want the perfect life which means never ever feeling bad, but being like an upbeat character from a sitcom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:11 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:16 PM Flag
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Pressure is immense isn't it? It's like we are trying to be clones of movie characters [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:14 PM Flag
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I've read somewhere that the pursuit of happiness is typically American. Eg the number of self help books devoted to being happy, how to be happy is very American. Lots of other cultures accept that it is the norm or it is ok to be in negative mental states some of the time, that happiness is not an end goal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:22 PM Flag
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This. It's so ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:58 PM Flag
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The next generation of Americans is going to be 10x worse. That's one of the reasons I am so vocal (here and irl) against the dx and medicating of our youth) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:10 PM Flag
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What are you basing your prognostication of 10x worse on? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:26 PM Flag
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the increase in dx and medication of children in the US each year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:29 PM Flag
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I like your straight line analysis [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:45 PM Flag
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I agree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:18 PM Flag
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I also feel like Americans have a bandwagon mentality. They jump on whatever is the fad at that time. Big pharmacy makes a killing this way. Look at all the people who call themselves aspies now because maybe they are shy or antisocial. They can make up an ailment for anything and people fall for it. Don't be dumb. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:29 PM Flag
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Agree! Everyone seems to be an Aspie now or married to one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:49 PM Flag
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I wonder how many people who commit crimes are on mood-altering drugs? I'm on lots of drugs for different reasons, but none is a psychotropic - I'm a cancer patient and have autoimmune disorders - and study each med before I begin taking it so that I can ensure that it won't interact with anything else. I've never been depressed in my life so can't imagine how it must feel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:36 PM Flag
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The mentally ill are 11 times more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than the perpetrators. Studies indicate that only 4 percent of violent crimes are committed by the mentally ill [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:41 PM Flag
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Emotional and behaviorial issues are on a continuum. I agree that it feels like too many people are too quick to turn a garden variety personality trait into a mental health disorder. But please be sensitive to the fact that there really are lives at stake and treatment works if you can get it. Without treatment or ignoring the signs gets people into hospitals, shelters, nursing homes, on the street, in jail or dead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:34 PM Flag
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first do no harm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:36 PM Flag
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I've yet to meet a single healthcare professional who argues that we do not over medicate in the US. It is often followed by an explanation that the medication however helps so many - I guess the ones who are dx and medicated who don't need it are just collateral damage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:40 PM Flag
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Good point. Plus many people self medicate with alcohol and marijuana [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:47 PM Flag
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Americans are drug addicts for all the reasons you stated. Many are unable to deal iwth the normal range of human emotions - anger, despair, helplessness etc. However I think pharaceutical abuse is prevelant in a certain class of Americans. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:53 PM Flag
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Me too. It's sad, unnecessary and even immature. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:57 PM Flag
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This!!! Read this article from NY Times on the number of kids in summer camp that are on serious meds, and then me that this is the "norm" http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/16/us/16camps.html?pagewanted=all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:59 PM Flag
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So so wrong, and so so American. Honestly, no where else are kids medicated like this. I live in Asia now and have lived in Europe, the US. Only in the US have I seen kids with mood altering meds. It is unheard of in other countries. So wrong! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:03 PM Flag
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This is one of the many reason this country is falling behind globally. We've become very weak and are raising our kids to be very weak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:07 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:07 PM Flag
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OMG! CampMeds?!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:05 PM Flag
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Sad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:08 PM Flag
[ - ] About a week ago my alarm on my phone went off while we were lying in bed and my husband was annoyed by it and without any warning he punched me. This really upset me so i yelled "why did you hit me??" and he said because i made him mad and annoyed him. i told him he should never hit me no matter how mad he is and he yelled at me "FINE, I'M F**CKING SORRY OKAY??" but i could tell he was just apologizing because i was upset about him hitting me. he tried to climb back into the bed with me and i told him to leave the room or else i was going to call the police and he started pushing me and hitting me. i started pushing him back because he was now over me while i was lying in bed. i managed to grab my cell phone from my bedside table and dialed the police # and told him i was gonna press talk if he didnt leave immediately. he then threatened to go kill himself if i did by throwing himself into traffic. i was in shock at this point and didnt know what to say...he did leave (he packed a duffel bag before he left so i figured he wasnt going to kill himself afterall) he came back a day later and all he said was "im damaged" and he accused me of trying to ruin his life by threatening to call the police on him. he hasnt given me a sincere apology yet and it has been over a week. This isnt the first time this has happened hes gotten physical before, throwing things at me, pushing me or hitting or trying to restrain me when ive tried to leave during arguments. He also told me about a month ago that he thought if i didnt have him he didnt think i would make it on my own, and that im lazy. i work fulltime at a fairly wellpaying job and also volunteer for 2 different organizations. i told a few friends and my family and they are all begging me to leave and a couple friends want me to come live with them for awhile and divorce him. but i love him and feel like i would be giving up on my husband by leaving 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:45 PM Flag
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OP, so my question is, do i leave and go through heartbreak and maybe eventually find someone new? or do i stay and hope counselling works? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:46 PM Flag
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get out that is crazy. and his reaction to it all is really bad news. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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Get out now. Kids make it even MORE vital. Run. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:22 PM Flag
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Do you have kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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It doesn't matter. Well, if she has kids, she should leave even faster I guess, but either way, her ass should be out the door. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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Leave. If this is real, pack your things, call a lawyer and get out, now. You think it will get better, but it won't. You've said it has happened before. You're not giving up on your husband; you're giving up on you by staying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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This is psychological, emotional and physical abuse. Yes, leave him. This is not acceptable behavior in a human. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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Omg! Call the cops. Get rid of him! This will only escalate! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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Leave him, it never gets better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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Leave him. Immediately. Every woman should have a zero tolerance for hitting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:56 PM Flag
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Leave NOW. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:58 PM Flag
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Why are you not listening to everyone around you? You can't change him or his behavior simply by "not giving up." Sounds like you can support yourself financially and have a support system in place. Go. Now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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If he has life insurance and you think he might actually commit suicide try to get him to do it if you can live with the guilt. It's a lot cheaper than a divorce and it's ok being a widow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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HE IS A CONTROLLING ABUSER. Leave. NOW. I'm sure that the people who own the dogs who've mauled babies to death love them, too, but love can't fix what's wrong with them. You're just a punching bag right now because your husband knows that your love ties you to him. This WILL escalate. He's trying to erode your self-esteem by telling you you can't make it on your own, so you need to get away while you're still intact mentally and physically. Go to a shelter, not your family, and contact the police - this will keep your family safe until you know how he'll react. Get help NOW! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:04 PM Flag
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Don't breed with this low-IQ man. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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Who is the man that you say you love? The one that hits you, berates you, is unremorseful? You may be scared to be on your own, you may lack confidence, but what do you love about him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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i think your crazy if you stay - not normal behavior by him at all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:29 PM Flag
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Do you like drama? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:57 PM Flag
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You should leave. You're in a dangerous situation which will only get worse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:09 PM Flag
[ - ] Poll: when it comes to things like brownies, lasagna, and sheet pan pizza, do you like edges, middles, or corners? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:44 PM Flag
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Middle for brownies. Others I don't care. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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corners on all of the above, slightly burnt even better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:56 PM Flag
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Don't care. But if it's a frosted cake in a square or rectangle, you better f-cking give me an edge piece with the frosting down the side. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:57 PM Flag
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Amen [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:59 PM Flag
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Middles. Don't like cake frosting or crispy brownie/lasagna edges [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:55 PM Flag
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Corners for me for brownies - I love the fudgy texture giving way to the crunchy edge. I have no preference for the others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:59 PM Flag
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Edges love crispy pizza/slightly burnt cheese [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:20 PM Flag
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brownies i need a middle piece, but lasagna and pizza I need an edge [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:25 PM Flag
[ - ] Please help me with my fear of flying. Dh wants to go to Hawaii or Ireland but I'm a mess. I'm convinced the plane will crash. We go to Florida but that is short and I still clean up the house before we go like we are all dying. 54 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:29 PM Flag
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Oh God. Stay home then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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You can tell me I'm being ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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You need to go to your md and get an Rx for klonipin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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We don't have to throw drugs at every little problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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It works. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:36 PM Flag
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Sure it does. Coal works too, doesn't mean we shouldn't curtail our use/abuse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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I don't think taking an anti-anxiety medication for true anxiety - in a one time situation- is really the same as polluting the entire world with coal. It's certainly not "abuse". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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Abusive use of prescription drugs is indeed polluting the entire world. There are trace amounts of these unnecessary drugs in my drinking water. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:46 PM Flag
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And you really think that OP taking one dose of klonipin for a true phobia of flying is polluting our world? And abusing drugs? Come on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:50 PM Flag
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Poor baby. Maybe the klonipin in your drinking water will relax your sphincter a little bit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:50 PM Flag
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It's a potentially serious problem, according to the experts. But yeah, I'm, like, so uptight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:00 PM Flag
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You are. You realize you're arguing that someone with a phobia of airplanes should not take a dose of anti anxiety medication- in a one time situation- and you are likening it to massive prescription abuse. That sounds pretty uptight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:06 PM Flag
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It works very well. Plenty of people travel that way. I would say it's worth a try, definitely. Helped me a ton! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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If you still acting this paranoid your husband is going to leave you, I would if I were him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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No he really loves me for some reason. Lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:34 PM Flag
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Trust me, this kind of things grow old. One things is right now, but after many times, it just gets annoying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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That's ridiculous. Lets throw divorce at every little problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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See a good therapist. Phobias are easy to fix. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:34 PM Flag
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Thanks. And I probably need to look at crash statistics. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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Omg. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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I just mean that the chances are so low that it will help with the phobia. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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They are zero. Look at the crash statistics on the highways to get to the airports. They are huge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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NP: So you know that you're being irrational. Maybe you're letting yourself get all worked up because you like the attention from DH, or the conflict, or the release you feel from getting tense about it? I don't think your real problem is a fear of flying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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No I don't mention it to him often. But maybe it is something else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:37 PM Flag
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OR: I was pulled out of the water as a shark was coming toward me. Shortly afterward, it killed someone else. I've been in really bad car accidents and had illnesses that are usually fatal. A copperhead bit me once, too, and chose not to envenomate (I didn't see him and stepped on his tail). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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^^^Sorry, hit Reply by accident. My point is that crazy things have happened to me and I'm still more afraid of things like mosquitoes and ticks because West Nile virus and Lyme disease are much more likely to be an issue for me than other things. Fear of flying can be cured and the odds of being in a fatal accident are so miniscule that you really should be more scared of rabid chipmunks in the park. Get help, and have fun in Hawaii! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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Do you know what I am doing this summer ? WORKING. And you come here to tell me you have the awesome opportunity to go in a Fav vacation and you are not going because you are afraid of flying ? OH DEAR LORD. Tell your DH, that I would go with him. I have travel to Europe numerous times and I still alive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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Thanks. I know i know. I've never been to Europe. And it isn't like we're going every year, this will be one big trip. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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1) Remind yourself that being on an airplane is probably the safest places, historically, you can be. Up in the sky above the world's problems. Virtually zero chance- on a major airline- of crashing. Safer than walking down the street by far. 2) Have 2 large glasses of wine prior to boarding the plane, and another glass after takeoff. 3) Length of the flight has no bearing on the safety of it. Take off and landing are the only marginally "dangerous" points in the flight. And both takeoff and landing are still safer than walking down the street. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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Yes. Thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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The more experienced, competent pilots get the longer haul flights. So the guy taking you to Ireland is better than the guy taking you to Florida. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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Ok interesting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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huh. i have a lot of flight anxiety on long-haul flights (especially over the Pacific Ocean, it is just so damn big with no place to land) but I never knew this, and it gives me a bit of comfort, so thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:52 PM Flag
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Knock yourself out with Xanax and booze. Seriously. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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Do you know that statistically you're SO MUCH more likely to die in a car than on a plane? Think about the number of flights that depart every single day... thousands from every single airport in the world. How often do we hear of a crash? MAYBE once a year? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:42 PM Flag
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I know and I'm a terrible driver. It is irrational. Maybe it has to do with the catastrophe clause in our Will. If we all die together, our nieces would get everything and be "laughing heirs" because we never see them. Maybe if it was going to a charity.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:46 PM Flag
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change your will. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:58 PM Flag
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So change it, if you don't want your nieces to get everything. And, again, if you are all going to die together it's going to be in a car crash. Or even a house fire/ carbon monoxide accident- those are also far more common than plane crashes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
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And those crashes are on, like "Air Sudan" or something and then it comes out that the plane was flying with only half an engine, or that in Sudan they don't ever inspect planes. The last major USA domestic or international flight (not private jet) that crashed I believe was 9/11, no? And that wasn't because the planes and the pilots weren't safe, that was because of lunatic terrorists. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:52 PM Flag
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Exactly. Planes are checked thoroughly before each flight. My FIL is a pilot, and he has to undergo periodic tests and re-certification procedures every few years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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^^meaning a major commercial flight departing from or arriving in a US airport [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:54 PM Flag
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Are you a control freak? One major reason flying seems scary is because you have to trust someone to do their job well... You have no control like you would when driving. But the pilots do. Just remember that if a plane is unsafe or the weather is too bad, a pilot won't fly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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Yes I'm a control freak since I stayed home from a high paying job because I couldn't leave my kids. Now I'm going to get bashed as a SAHM. Lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:49 PM Flag
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Therapy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:59 PM Flag
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I found that reading up on how airplanes operate and work was actually quite helpful in getting over my fear of flying. Also, there's a section in "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell (I think it's in "Outliers"?) in which he talks about plane crashes and just how many things have to go wrong for a plane to crash - it's scary to read but actually reassuring, because there are so many protocols that have to be ignored by so many people before something bad can really happen. He talks about one example of a crash that happened (I think in Asia somewhere) and all of the things that went wrong, and it was ridiculous (it was like one thing after another, all of which were incredibly unlikely)- it laid out how other crashes are clearly unlikely to happen. When I'm still feeling anxious on longer flights I definitely hit up the red wine, and that helps quite a bit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:03 PM Flag
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Long-time flying phobic here that has successfully learned to manage my anxiety. At a certain point I realized that I had stoked and trained myself to fear flying for so long that I would need to expend a fair amount of effort "retraining" my thought patterns. It's terrible to miss out of life's wonderful experiences because of fear and you can truly beat this. Things that have helped me -- relaxation and visualization exercises, music, meditation, Klonopin, Xanax, alcohol. It has also helped me to understand the statistics. I think Boeing has a really good fact sheet that helps you to conceptualize the remoteness of disaster -- basically for a serious incident to happen, several things have to happen at once, like the holes in a stack of Swiss cheese lining up. I sometimes think about a bird in the sky -- they don't fall out of the sky abruptly, and neither do planes (think Sully Sullenberger). Like someone else said, there is only marginal tiny risk in takeoff and landing, I don't know if that helps you but basically it helps me to "contain" my fear a little bit. Once I hear the seatbelt chime I *know* there is no risk -- truly because there basically isn't. I may still feel fear and anxiety but the plane is going to stay up there regardless. Find a way to visualize and think about what you're flying for -- like imagine yourself floating in peaceful Hawaiian waters, or seeing family that you love. Therapy can work but I'd focus on practical type therapy that works well for anxiety -- like CBT or exposure therapy (there are programs for this). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:59 PM Flag
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Ty! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:30 PM Flag
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I have terrible flying anxiety also. And no, it's not because I want extra attention from dh. I do take medication to fly, but have also found hypnosis helpful. My hypnotherapist made me a recording that I listen to every day a week before flying, and also listen to while I'm on the flight.. It's worth a try. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:01 PM Flag
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Lol. Ty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:30 PM Flag
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I hate flying but love travel (and have been fortunate enough to have the means to do a lot of it). Take a Xanax and relax. Don't let these control freak crazies tell you that taking anxiety medicine a couple times a year for a ligitimate fear is bad. My doctor writes me a px for 10 and it lasts me a long time. Enjoy your vacation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:24 PM Flag
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Thanks, funny what you said about the means. My parents would have paid for me to go abroad in college but I was too scared. We have the means now to go on trips and I'm still wasting my life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:37 PM Flag
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"Retraining" poster above -- yes, do try meds, but also simultaneously work on your fear with specific techniques. To be OK flying, you'll need to learn new behaviors and patterns. So take meds, then do breathing, visualizations, etc, and be very kind to yourself for making progress! For me, my first baby steps were to not white-knuckle the armrests, to keep my body in a relaxed position. This is progress! "Fake it till you make it" behaviors can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes just looking at calm people around you and thinking "I can pretend to be like this person for five minutes." Your body learns cues and your mind follows suit. Take it step by step -- you can do it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:30 PM Flag
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Do cbt, seriously. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:07 PM Flag
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You are me. No amount of safety info will change things. Tell your primary doctor, he'll give you a script for a few Valium or Zanax, you'll take them and be fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:15 PM Flag
[ - ] Anybody know anything about The Hamlin School in San Francisco? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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Yep, sf mo. Here. What do you want to know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:34 PM Flag
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Mom not mo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:34 PM Flag
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Have you guys been really happy with it? Are there any other similar k-8 girls' schools in SF? Do a lot of kids go to boarding school? Is it considered one of the best in SF? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:49 PM Flag
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It's considered one of the best privates, yes, with Katherine delmar Burke school and, to a lesser extent, Sacred Heart (ss). For coed, SF Day School. SF Friends is newer but well-regarded too. A number of grads go to boarding school from the girls schools (usually 8 to 10 from a class of 45). Hamlin and Burkes are great schools, and considerably less expensive than ny schools. Hamlin is more centrally located and in a big vertical building, Burkes is out in the avenues and has a field, much more space. Burkes new hos (from Robertson Stevens) is getting good word of mouth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:02 PM Flag
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Thanks so much. How competitive is admissions for K? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:02 PM Flag
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See below. Would you consider Marin? MCDS is also a great school and there is a bus from SF. New York transplants are at all these schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:10 PM Flag
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Also, which did you prefer- Hamlin or Burkes? Why? Are there any significant differences besides location? Are both just as hard to get into? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:11 PM Flag
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They are equally as hard to get into, although supply changes year by year based on siblings. Hamlin tends to attract the climbers, bc of its history and location, but they are at Burkes too. Both have lots of old SF families. minor differences --burkes splits class in 3 for k, then in 2 for 1st grade, Hamlin has 2 k classes and 3 in 1st grade. Hamlin starts foreign language earlier. Burkes is stronger on the social/emotional learning (incorporates mindfulness etc.) the biggest difference is the campus--Hamlin is in a grand old building in Pac heights with views of the bay with mostly vertical space, burkes has the space of a suburban school and feels green and open, being next to lands end and a golf course. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:24 PM Flag
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Post your questions --will check back later [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:36 PM Flag
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Have you guys been really happy with it? Are there any other similar k-8 girls' schools in SF? Do a lot of kids go to boarding school? Is it considered one of the best in SF? Any cons of the school? TIA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:44 PM Flag
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Also, how hard is it to get into for K? Similar to Brearley, Chapin, Spence? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 04:49 PM Flag
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Well...it's not exactly easy, but there aren't as many applicants per space (goes up and down year to year, but generally about 5 applicants per spot). And it's not nearly as neurotic a process, they evaluate the kids, but no erb, or prepping. Are you considering for k entry or a different grade? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:07 PM Flag
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We're looking into K. We're in NYC right now with a four y/o DD who will be starting preschool this fall, DH has a great job opportunity in SF which we would move for probably at the end of summer if it works out. What exactly is the admissions process based on if not ERB? What sets one child apart from the next? Also, do you have any opinions on Katherine Delmar Burke vs. Hamlin? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:15 PM Flag
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There are independent evaluators, but they don't give the wisc like at the erb. There's no prep. the kids have a school visit as well, there's a parent interview, and teas etc. difference is that you tour before you apply. And preschool directors, while still important, don't pull the strings in the same way that they do in nyc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:32 PM Flag
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There are preschool rec letters as well. The process is very similar to NYC, with erb replaced by these independent evaluators. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:33 PM Flag
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Np: Imo Burkes is the school to look into. Great energy, forward-thinking teaching, and great resources for the girls. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:30 PM Flag
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Also, how do you think Hamlin compares to top girls' schools in the city such as Brearley, Chapin, and Spence? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:11 PM Flag
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Very very similar in curriculum. and the work you see on the walls there is just like what you will see at Hamlin or Burkes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:29 PM Flag
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Sorry, one more question! Does Hamlin have a brother school? If so, do you know how much interaction they have with the boys (Dances, mixers, school functions)? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:20 PM Flag
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No brother school. Convent (sacred heart) has Stuart hall. There are 2 other boys schools, town and cathedral, but neither is a brother school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:27 PM Flag
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Thank you so much, you have honestly been so helpful! Does one school have a habit of sending more girls to boarding school than the other? Which tends to have better high school placement? How common is SS education in SF? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 05:41 PM Flag
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Thank you so much, you have honestly been so helpful! Does one school have a habit of sending more girls to boarding school than the other? Which tends to have better high school placement? How common is SS education in SF? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 06:08 PM Flag
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It's a private all-girls k-8 in pacific heights. Considered tt in sf--curriculum is similar to tts in NYC. It has a relatively new hos, Wanda holland green, who is shaking the dust off, perhaps slowly changing the image from a "hill school" society type place. It is in an old mansion perched on a steep hill in sf, so lots of stairs down to the lower school (modern building on the block below). Holland green is a Chapin grad, very charismatic speaker, and all-around great person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:40 PM Flag
[ - ] I love when people say they live in west harlem, as if it is truly any better. Gross. 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:14 PM Flag
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Trully any better than what? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:15 PM Flag
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West Harlem is 200% better than East Harlem. I assume you have never been to West or East Harlem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:16 PM Flag
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Gross. I would never go to Harlem unless I needed to volunteer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:23 PM Flag
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Gross. I would never go to Harlem unless I needed to volunteer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:23 PM Flag
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Well that's your opinion. You're entitled to it but how can you comment about something that you don't really know about? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:22 PM Flag
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Please don't volunteer.You sound a bit condescending and snooty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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And from Cleveland. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:24 PM Flag
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You are an idiot [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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You are an idiot [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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Like anyone here thinks you volunteer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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I always find it weird when people hate other neighborhoods/boroughs. I don't really construct my identity around my neighborhood, I guess. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:30 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:48 PM Flag
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So you don't believe in gentrification, then. Remember when Soho was scary? I certainly do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:38 PM Flag
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TriBeCa too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:25 PM Flag
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moron [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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Idiot [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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You're so dumb, you're a dumdum [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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I couldn't have said it better! What a dumdum! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:46 PM Flag
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I don't say it to imply that I am better. Simply to be more specific. Harlem is HUGE. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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well its unclear whether OP thinks its "gross" to live in Harlem in general, or just that its "gross" to specify what part of Harlem... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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Classist bitch [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:47 PM Flag
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Ugly cunt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:00 PM Flag
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I live in SoHa, so there! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:00 PM Flag
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I'm sure you live in Peoria. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:24 PM Flag
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Why are people mean to OP? Isn't she saying that she hates when people from WH feel superior to those living in EH? What am I missing here? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 03:33 PM Flag
[ - ] Help an immigrant with some etiquette rules: is I have received an official birth announcement card, is this essentially a request for a gift? not judging just curious 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:13 PM Flag
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It's funny, I sent birth announcements out and definetly didn't mean it as a request for a gift, but then a flood of gifts came in, so I sort of felt like that is how it got perceived. Just wanted to share news of new baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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OP: again, not judging but she texted me a picture of the baby after he was born, so I knew already [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:27 PM Flag
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np: It's a bit unnecessary to do traditional announcements in this instant communication era but I did them too. I also send photo Christmas cards which are also obsolete I guess, but it just feels nice to do, and with a baby you want any opportunity to show him/her off! Some people throw out the cards when they get them, but others keep them on the fridge for a few days. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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^ Traditionally (or in WASP circles at least), birth announcements did not include pictures, and some still hew to that, but that seems extra pointless to me, since all the "information" is inevitably out there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:34 PM Flag
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If she wanted gifts why didn't she have a baby shower? I might sned a gift for a birth annoucement if I felt particularly close to that person but I don't think it's a requirement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:32 PM Flag
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OP: this is her second boy, and besides she moved away, so I do not know if she had a second baby shower [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:39 PM Flag
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Who is it from? I usually only give baby gifts to very close friends/family or poor acquaintances. If the poor person is really poor, I give them useful things. If they are MC, I give them a little luxury item, like a fancy bon point dress or something cashmere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:22 PM Flag
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Lol at your definition of MC/ "really poor"! DH and I have professional degrees (still in training but now on stipends) and we really appreciated useful things. Our db and dd's wardrobes are almost exclusively hand-me-down and Ebay and we would've thought a brand new Baby Gap outfit was a splurge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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OP: a woman I used to work with (subordinate). Not poor. I threw her a baby shower for her first kid (boy), this is her second (also a boy). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:27 PM Flag
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No need to send a gift unless you want to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:17 PM Flag
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No. It is nice to send a card, or if you are close (and didn't buy a shower gift beforehand), you can certainly send a gift, but it is by no means expected. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:24 PM Flag
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No, it's just an announcement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:33 PM Flag
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+1 I don't think of them as a request for a gift, only to announce their new addition! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:45 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:51 PM Flag
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No gift required. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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I sent cards to family members (granted a little late after the birth) and others and family members asked my parents why on earth I would send cards if they already know I had a baby. I didn't expect gifts and no one gave me one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Does duane read sell tape for dresses or do I need to go to C21? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:08 PM Flag
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I've seen it there about a year ago. Doesn't hurt to check there first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:16 PM Flag
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What do you use tape for on a dress? Sorry to hijack. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:13 PM Flag
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to stick it to my boobs so it doesn't fall down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:15 PM Flag
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Ricky's sells it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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Thanks...this would be convenient. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:37 PM Flag
[ - ] My DD wants pink and purple walls in her very small bedroom. Is it better to do one or two walls one color and the rest the other color or since its a small space, would it be better to paint the bottom half purple then have a white stripe and paint the top half pink? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:58 PM Flag
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I'd do whatever she wants. You can always change it a few years up the road. I also like the idea of vertical stripes but probably tricky to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:04 PM Flag
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She's only 4 so has just said she really wants BOTH pink & purple - doesn't care where they are ;-) I tried guiding towards fairly light colors because the room is so small but they aren't too light... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:10 PM Flag
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Shade of color is very important. Is she thinking Barbie pink and Barney purple? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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^^ Can you do an all over pale pink and use decals/stencils in brighter pinks and purples as accents? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:09 PM Flag
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This is a good idea - removable decals. Have you presented those as an option? She might actually prefer those or something else removable like drapes and rugs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:12 PM Flag
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She's actually already had those when we were living in an apartment and had to keep the walls white. I already agreed to the pink and purple paint... Just am not sure where to put them... I think a friend is going to make her fairy decals to put up after painting but she can use the cricut and do almost any color... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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np. Many vendors on etsy will make custom work if she's not totally happy with what she sees. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:22 PM Flag
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Can you do stencil pattern on one wall and have the rest the same color? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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^^look up on houzz or pinterest, there must be some good ideas [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:07 PM Flag
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Google wall murals girl for ideas. Not all are elaborate murals. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:15 PM Flag
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How about pink wall w white tree decal with purple flowers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:25 PM Flag
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You could do three walls one pink and one lavender [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:26 PM Flag
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How about bottom part in pink and purple stripe and top in a single color? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:21 PM Flag
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That's an interesting idea. Do you think that would make the room look bigger? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:29 PM Flag
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I think so, but I think the pink needs to be a lighter color and the purple a bit darker. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:31 PM Flag
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I think you should have some degree of veto power over a 4 YO, but I say that because I'm lazy, and wouldn't want to paint the room again in 4 years. I would stencil or accent with the second color as others have suggested. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:27 PM Flag
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I know that you've promised, but I would do pale pink walls with purple (lavender) accents (patterned curtains, bedding, rug, headboard, etc.). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:28 PM Flag
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Take this question to Houzz.com and you will get dozens of good ideas including specific paint colors [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:35 PM Flag
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Look at the stripes here. I like them a lot - a pale pink wide stripe and very think purple one. Not on all walls though, maybe 1 or 2 only. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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http://www.roomzaar.com/rate-my-space/Girls-Rooms/Scarlets-Frenchie-Chic-Bedroom/detail.esi?oid=6625422 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:41 PM Flag
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Thanks - that does look cool!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:51 PM Flag
[ - ] I am off for the summer and haven't been in a loooong time. Young kids (2 under 5) Where should we go and suggestions on where to rent a summer place? Thanks! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:50 PM Flag
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How long will you rent for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:52 PM Flag
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1 week - 2 weeks. Maybe 1 month depending on where. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:57 PM Flag
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If you will be alone with young children, somewhere near the grandparents and cousins. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:05 PM Flag
[ - ] my friend's school plans are totally up in the air for 1st grade. are there any private schools that would still have space for this fall? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 05.18.13, 01:49 PM Flag
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Spaces open up all the time as people move or get transferred. Be in touch with the schools and wait it out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:06 PM Flag
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yes call up every place you are interested in and let them know the situation. They want to fill those seats, and of course there is some attrition. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:08 PM Flag
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Blue school [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:04 PM Flag
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Englewood or rye [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:17 PM Flag
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She might look at World Class Learning Academy or the Ideal School. http://wclacademy.org/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:13 PM Flag
[ - ] are you supposed to hold your pee for awhile before you do an OPK? Or can you just do it whenever, even with fairly dilute urine? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:38 PM Flag
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it's supposed to be first morning urine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:42 PM Flag
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I'm using first response with the lines [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:43 PM Flag
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yes hold for a while for best results. First morning urine not good, wait until later in the day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 01:48 PM Flag
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OPK's are best done in the afternoon. You can also test late morning and evening to be sure. Some people will miss it if they don't test twice a day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.18.13, 02:07 PM Flag
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