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05.24.13, 09:14 PM
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Don't die
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05.24.13, 09:23 PM
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giving away assets to heirs while you are still alive.
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05.24.13, 09:21 PM
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Trusts
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05.24.13, 09:50 PM
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Trusts
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05.24.13, 09:50 PM
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Keep marrying down the family line. My mom could inherit and marry my dh, he could inherit and marry my sister's dd, etc. no estate taxes and keeps the money in the family.
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05.24.13, 10:45 PM
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Oh please, the Republicans have made estate taxes so low you barely have to "dodge" them.
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05.24.13, 11:04 PM
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Loved the "dodge".
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05.25.13, 02:50 AM
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05.24.13, 09:13 PM
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Word, Theresa looks like a cross eyed schnauzer.
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05.24.13, 09:20 PM
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lol. why do they think we still care? Teresa hates Melissa. OK.
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05.24.13, 09:16 PM
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I know. I get it.
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05.24.13, 09:23 PM
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Come on, that is an insult to schnauzers everywhere.
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05.24.13, 09:51 PM
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Third? Isn't this the 4th or 5th?
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05.24.13, 09:18 PM
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That's what I thought
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05.24.13, 09:19 PM
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well i mean seasons of the Gorga fam drama.
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05.24.13, 09:21 PM
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Yes. Or 6th. Not sure what "third" meant.
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05.25.13, 02:51 AM
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Somehow it gets on my nerves that Melissa channels JLo for me. She looks good but annoys the hell out of me.
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05.24.13, 09:26 PM
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Her body is ok, but I don't find her attractive at all!! She's like the brunette version of Vicki.
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05.24.13, 09:23 PM
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the dark outline around her nose drives me batty. It does not shadow her nose: it completely draws attention to how fricking wide it is.
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05.24.13, 09:33 PM
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lol. agree. average face, lot of contouring, hot little body.
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05.24.13, 09:36 PM
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It has gotten REALLY boring. I love that new show, Newlyweds.
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05.24.13, 09:30 PM
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"I'm paying more, Jeff!"
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05.24.13, 09:33 PM
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they all seem insane at this point
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05.25.13, 02:50 AM
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05.24.13, 09:13 PM
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you will need to be open to meeting a divorced dad
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05.24.13, 09:14 PM
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as for where, keep your eyes open when you're out and about with DS, look for another dad
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05.24.13, 09:15 PM
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Not just that, a divorced dad who is still paying alimony and child support and who has a pot belly
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05.24.13, 09:15 PM
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Real supportive there - people like you us the reason that public stonings should still be allowed
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05.24.13, 09:20 PM
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Oh please, you barely sound literate
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05.24.13, 09:17 PM
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I'd say you sound barely literate.
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05.25.13, 02:52 AM
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OP: that would be ideal
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05.24.13, 09:26 PM
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I have no experience with this but people here usually suggest online dating.
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05.24.13, 09:15 PM
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"I'm not hot or thin by UB standards but I'm a good Mom, a hard worker and a decent person." You sound wonderful, and I am not being pc/sappy.
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05.24.13, 09:17 PM
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You need to be open to divorced AND older. Get over the looks. I was not raised with my dad. My mom married a very good, kind, hard working businessman who was 2 inches shorter, 10 years older and to this day can't eat without getting food on his ties/shirts. But he treated her like a queen. She taught me a long time ago, looks don't last.
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05.24.13, 09:22 PM
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This. Don't be turned off by his other responsibilities to his own kids from a previous marriage. Are you looking for a partner or just someone to take care of you?
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05.24.13, 09:24 PM
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OP: A partner. I can take care of myself and ds. And I would hope he would take good care of his dcs from a previous marriage.
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05.24.13, 09:29 PM
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So no min salary requirement, right?
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05.24.13, 09:40 PM
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OP: No, as long as he doesn't mind that I make more than he does.
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05.24.13, 09:49 PM
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i'm sure you're a catch, actually. I would definitely try online dating. What are the good sites these days, people? Some of my friends do okcupid.
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05.24.13, 09:28 PM
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05.24.13, 08:56 PM
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Clearly then the scale means nothing!
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05.24.13, 08:52 PM
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in terms of a number on a scale, yes, weight is meaningless. if your clothes fit and you aren't starving yourself what is there to be obsessing about?
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05.24.13, 08:52 PM
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I am just shocked i gained 10lbs and didn't notice, people have been telling me I look like I lost weight so it is weird (I think my boobs got smaller so maybe that is why?)
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05.24.13, 09:01 PM
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you didn't notice because your clothes still fit the same, if not better
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05.24.13, 09:03 PM
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Muscle weighs more than fat
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05.24.13, 09:32 PM
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Do not listen to the scale! The additional weight is definitely muscle. Be proud of yourself - you are achieving so much!
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05.24.13, 08:54 PM
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You seriously see this as a problem? You sound like you have a poor body image that has nothing to do with reality
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05.24.13, 09:02 PM
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I have a good body image generally but also spend too much time around people that obsess about the number on the scale (and too much time on sites like this where people are called chubby at 120!)
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05.24.13, 09:03 PM
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I think you sound great. People here lie about everything - especially their weight and clothes size
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05.24.13, 09:05 PM
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It's normal - same thing happened to me. I think it's a combination of muscle and body/metabolism changes that come with age. How your clothes fit is really the ultimate determination of size, in my experience. When I gain fat (vs muscle), that's where I notice.
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05.24.13, 09:16 PM
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Df used to do ironmans out in CA and had the biggest butt I seen. Exercise does not equal beautiful body but rather a fit body.
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05.24.13, 09:19 PM
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Honestly, I think that the weight gain is just your muscles storing glycogen. For every 1g of glycogen stored, your body also stores 3 g of water. So essentially the weight gain you're noticing is water. I run too and I try not to put too much stock in my actual weight on the scale. If you look good in your clothes, then don't worry about it.
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05.24.13, 09:20 PM
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Vba or dumbshit. Who doesn't know that muscle weighs more than fat?
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05.24.13, 09:14 PM
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Vba or dumbshit. Who doesn't know that muscle weighs more than fat?
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05.24.13, 09:14 PM
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05.24.13, 08:41 PM
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Yes. Friend who died of esophigeal (sp.) cancer ignored a lump like that
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05.24.13, 08:43 PM
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What was it a lymph node or something?
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05.24.13, 09:22 PM
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What was it a lymph node or something?
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05.24.13, 09:22 PM
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It sounds like a cyst but I would get it checked out. Better safe than sorry.
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05.24.13, 08:45 PM
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nodules are common. It could also be a cyst. You are talking about an area where there are already glands, so extra bumps and lumps usually aren't anything to worry about.
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05.24.13, 08:51 PM
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true esp if it's getting smaller
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05.24.13, 08:57 PM
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ITA
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05.24.13, 09:03 PM
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More likely to be cancer if it's soft. See a doctor STAT either way.
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05.24.13, 09:00 PM
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Bullshit
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05.24.13, 08:59 PM
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Seriously, why the FUCK would you write this. What a heartless bitch: terrifying someone with cancer. Just evil.
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05.24.13, 09:18 PM
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Sorry: horrible sentence. Op, I don't think you have cancer; I was just pointing out how evil the responder was. Never throw around a cancer diagnosis. Ever.
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05.24.13, 09:31 PM
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op: no worries. i prefer to be safe than sorry, made app't with DR
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05.24.13, 09:43 PM
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not necessary...
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05.24.13, 09:50 PM
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Do you have anything "going on" on that side of your face? Allergies, a pimple, rash, cold, flu, a cut, etc? If so, could just be a swollen lymph node, esp since it's getting smaller. If it's soft and moves easily when you push it, it's probably a lymph node. Absent any other symptoms, this is 99% NOT cancer.
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05.24.13, 09:05 PM
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Agree. Md mom
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05.24.13, 09:15 PM
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Is it a pimple? I sometimes get them around there.
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05.24.13, 09:19 PM
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I get those too, first time I thought it was cancer
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05.24.13, 09:52 PM
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05.24.13, 08:31 PM
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send kids to private over living in burbs because not willing to give up the culture of NYC (we both work in art/culture fields). That said, we're not renting, we bought an apt., it's just smaller than the space we'd really like to have for our family.
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05.24.13, 08:34 PM
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Because if you buy a house in the suburbs you have to live in the suburbs
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05.24.13, 08:37 PM
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This.
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05.24.13, 08:44 PM
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+ 1,000,000
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05.24.13, 10:07 PM
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I am selling my house in suburbia with good publics and choosing to rent and send dcs to private. I am planning on doping this for 10 years (til youngest dc graduates hs). I understand that I am giving up the opportunity to realize equity, but if I am living in the city, I don't want to be house poor (I need 3 bedrooms plus an office). I want to be able see shows, eat out etc and a down payment and mortgage would be fine, but then the monthly fees on top of that... We are moving partly because of commute and the fact that all of dcs activities require me driving them. It also has to do with suburban culture (or lack thereof). There is not much to do where I live, and what there is pales in comparison to the city. I have chosen schools that, while not TT by UB standards seem like they will be a perfect fit for my dcs interests. So I am seeing this as a medium-term proposition, and have budgeted knowing how I want to choose to spend my money. I also own a summer house, so I'll continue to build equity in that.
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05.24.13, 08:36 PM
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Thanks for the detailed response. I am divorced with one dd and getting a lot of flak from family to buy and build equity but I am leery of the burbs and would prefer to rent (can't afford decent sized apt) and send dd to private school as opposed to moving to burbs
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05.24.13, 08:45 PM
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I responded below. I would totally stay in city if I were a single mom.
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05.24.13, 08:46 PM
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Thanks, I totally agree but everyone is telling me renting is a waste if money
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05.24.13, 08:48 PM
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OR from selling my house above. If you have made sound financial decisions in the past, tell family to but out. This is your choice. Renting does not mean that you can't save/invest in other ways and people who bought their homes at the top of the market haven't built up much equity ( and many are upside down on their investments). I think that life with one dd in the city would be much more fulfilling than the single life in the burbs esp. if you work here.
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05.24.13, 08:48 PM
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Yes I work in manhattan
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05.24.13, 09:00 PM
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We stay in city b/c we both work in Manhattan, and I can't deal with long commute. Also, we have tons of family help in the city since our family is here. We wouldn't have that if we lived in the suburbs. Plus, we can't afford to buy in a good school district anyway. We're on FA at a private.
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05.24.13, 08:45 PM
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Most people don't want to be at work in the city while their kids are at school in the burbs
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05.24.13, 08:53 PM
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This decision is usually based on wanting to stay in the city and wanting private schools and has nothing to do with buying a house. IMO, the idea that buying a home is always a better financial decision than renting is a bill of goods sold to the American public. Sometimes it may be and for many people it is a form of forced savings that they wouldn't otherwise do, but I don't think it's the end all be all. Be a good saver on your own!
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05.24.13, 09:01 PM
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why do you have to do private? buy an apartment and do public. you do realize there are some incredible public options.
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05.24.13, 09:05 PM
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Stay in NYC. No fun to be a working mom, let alone a single working mom, in the burbs.
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05.25.13, 12:12 AM
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We bought an apartmnt in a great gen ed zone in the city.
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05.25.13, 01:48 AM
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05.24.13, 08:24 PM
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if that's true I"m in trouble -- try a couple times a month. (age 45, fwiw).
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05.24.13, 08:28 PM
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^w/ 2 dcs.
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05.24.13, 08:25 PM
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I would say once a week, if you have dc's...
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05.24.13, 08:30 PM
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I have no children and I wish he would stop sweating all over me for nothing. I have to be coaxed. lol Love oral but sometimes wish it were a stranger.
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05.24.13, 08:27 PM
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Are you my DH?
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05.24.13, 08:37 PM
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lol awww man men get like this? could it be erection probs? health? drugs?
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05.24.13, 08:33 PM
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Mostly it's just that he is overworked. He gets home from work at 9 or 10, then needs a few hours to decompress. It's a struggle to get him to bed before 1. When he gets to bed he collapses.
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05.24.13, 08:42 PM
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This is me. DH here.
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05.24.13, 08:59 PM
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haha...mine just goes in for it. dude, you have to at least try to turn me on first.
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05.24.13, 08:44 PM
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lol btdt
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05.24.13, 09:09 PM
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Maybe try some new tricks?
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05.24.13, 09:05 PM
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Whatever feels natural to you.
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05.24.13, 08:33 PM
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I'm 27... I'd have it every night if I could.
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05.24.13, 08:40 PM
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Damn I envy you. I was like this at 21/22, by 28 poof-gone.
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05.24.13, 08:36 PM
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+1
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05.24.13, 09:04 PM
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i would say, this, if I feel okay about my body at the time. 24 with eating disorder issues.
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05.24.13, 08:43 PM
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I'm 48 and I do and love it. Fortunately met a man who loves it as much as I do.
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05.24.13, 09:29 PM
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There is no normal.
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05.24.13, 08:35 PM
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different for everybody.
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05.24.13, 08:36 PM
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Married for 6 years so far, not kids, and we have sex once a week.
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05.24.13, 08:43 PM
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there is no "normal". Once a week to once a month is probably the most common
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05.24.13, 08:54 PM
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Before my wife cheated on me around once a month, now that we went through all this and are back together, pretty much 3-5 times a week.
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05.24.13, 08:55 PM
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So is it still "starting anew" sex?
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05.24.13, 08:58 PM
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05.24.13, 08:22 PM
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mine is now 9 y/o but I started at age 2 and put in $500/month
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05.24.13, 08:24 PM
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2.5k
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05.24.13, 08:25 PM
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for more than 1 kid I assume, the cap is 13,500 a year
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05.24.13, 08:33 PM
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yes
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05.24.13, 08:56 PM
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np: this is wrong. 1) the annual gift tax exclusion is now $14K per donor, per recipient. that means that if you're married you can gift $28K/year to each child wo gift tax implications; 2) 529 plans have a 5-year forwarding advantage which actually allows you to use 5 years worth of annual gift tax exclusion gifts all at once.
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05.24.13, 09:07 PM
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np: you are right but you only get the state income tax deduction up to $5K or $10K for married couples filing jointly
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05.24.13, 09:16 PM
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we do $10000/year.
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05.24.13, 08:31 PM
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We max for each kid, It might be up to 14K a year now. I know when we started it was 12.5K a year
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05.24.13, 08:40 PM
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What's your target amount for each kid then?
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05.24.13, 08:36 PM
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I believe it will be around 235K for each of them 18 years X13,000, sadly at the rate it is going it still might not be enough
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05.24.13, 08:44 PM
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I know
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05.24.13, 09:00 PM
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$1000/ month. Been doing for 10 years
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05.24.13, 08:34 PM
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That's awesome
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05.24.13, 08:46 PM
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They say front load it, if u can. I put in 100k for each at birth, and that's it
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05.24.13, 09:19 PM
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this sounds dumb and shows you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Max is $10k per year tax free. If you were smart with money, why not just do $10k a year?
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05.24.13, 11:21 PM
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05.24.13, 08:21 PM
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30, 7, 12
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05.24.13, 08:30 PM
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45, stopped counting at 20 but not too much higher than that, 8.
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05.24.13, 08:26 PM
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basically the same - except married 12 years.
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05.24.13, 10:12 PM
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37,11, 15. I had a few busy years as a young lady.
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05.24.13, 08:37 PM
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48, 10, 24
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05.24.13, 08:39 PM
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40, 1, 7
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05.24.13, 08:41 PM
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wow.
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05.24.13, 08:53 PM
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you realize that in a lot of countries, premarital sex is not the norm, right?
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05.24.13, 09:08 PM
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But 40? I would have been down at the docks picking up sailors.
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05.24.13, 09:21 PM
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Lol me too!
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05.24.13, 09:27 PM
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Nah. I'm 40 now. First time when I was 30. (Married 7 years, together almost 10). But you may not feel different about that age either, LOL: No long term harm done. I blossomed late socially as well.
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05.24.13, 10:09 PM
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29 / 3 / 6
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05.24.13, 08:45 PM
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How many times can this be asked in one freaking day??
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05.24.13, 08:46 PM
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38, about a dozen but I didn't keep track
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05.24.13, 08:54 PM
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27, 1, 3
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05.24.13, 09:22 PM
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29, 5, 10
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05.24.13, 09:34 PM
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39,1,21
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05.24.13, 10:54 PM
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Love to hear this. Are you happy?
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05.24.13, 11:02 PM
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I am happy at this moment. There are days when I don't feel so happy but this doesn't have anything to do with my husband and family. I think he is great, but know that many women on UB would bash a guy like him. I love him.
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05.24.13, 11:11 PM
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30-1-9
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05.24.13, 11:01 PM
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41, 1, 13
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05.25.13, 01:50 AM
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10 Replies
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05.24.13, 08:20 PM
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Tell them that you're going to freelance and worry about finding work once you're settled. Beyond that, it's really no one's concern.
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05.24.13, 08:22 PM
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Thank you, I don't know why I didn't think to phrase it like that. I guess my insecurities are getting the best of me.
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05.24.13, 08:29 PM
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or: No worries. Sometimes you just need an outside eye to tell you what's right in front of your face. Happy to help. :)
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05.24.13, 08:31 PM
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Just say you are going to work on getting everything set up and settled in while doing some freelance.
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05.24.13, 08:30 PM
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Just tell them you're waiting to see about the opportunities in the new place
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05.24.13, 08:55 PM
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This is excellent advice.
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05.24.13, 09:57 PM
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You could say that your resume is out there, looking for the right fit.
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05.24.13, 08:57 PM
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I think it would be less stressful TTCing if you had a job in the new place. Imagine it otherwise - you're in a new town, you don't know anyone, you're not working, and you're sitting around waiting to get PG.
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05.24.13, 08:59 PM
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We're moving to my home town so I know plenty of people.
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05.24.13, 09:53 PM
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Yeah, but you still won't have something to occupy your time. It's less stressful to get PG then adjust your life, rather than assuming you'll get PG right away and arrange your life around that assumption.
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05.24.13, 10:04 PM
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17 Replies
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05.24.13, 08:09 PM
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Alimentum- milk allergy
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05.24.13, 08:09 PM
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+1
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05.24.13, 08:15 PM
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+2
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05.24.13, 09:21 PM
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Similar pre mixed. Was not cheap.
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05.24.13, 08:18 PM
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+1. But we only used it as a supplement if I hadn't been able to pump, so the price wasn't a big deal.
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05.24.13, 08:26 PM
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Oops similac. Autocorrect fail.
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05.24.13, 08:33 PM
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Enfamil. My 21 mo still loves it.
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05.24.13, 08:14 PM
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Why is your 21 mo still on formula?
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05.24.13, 09:45 PM
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Enfamil Gentlease.
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05.24.13, 08:18 PM
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I'd stay away from this one. The first ingredient is corn syrup solids. http://www.parenting.com/article/corn-syrup-in-formula
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05.24.13, 09:19 PM
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Parents choice organic. Cheapest organic on the market.
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05.24.13, 08:20 PM
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Similac Sensitive (orange). Used ready-made (pre-mixed) initially, but then switched to powder. Powder ended up being way cheaper and more convenient. If I had it to do over again, I would have started with powder.
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05.24.13, 08:20 PM
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Similac premixed.
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05.24.13, 08:24 PM
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Baby's Only
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05.24.13, 08:35 PM
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Similac Advance.
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05.24.13, 08:46 PM
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Similac organic
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05.24.13, 08:58 PM
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Earth's Best.
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05.24.13, 09:17 PM
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05.24.13, 08:07 PM
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^^^live and work
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05.24.13, 08:08 PM
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"Marriage is a partnership. This partner does not agree. Make a unilateral decision to pay for your brother's tuition and you can be assured that this partnership is dissolved."
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05.24.13, 08:17 PM
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yikes. how does dh plan to pay for his brother's school with so much debt already?
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05.24.13, 08:18 PM
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I have no idea I will ask him this... He did mention taking out student loans which we would pay back. He is the oldest so he wants to be there the way a parent would be but I don't think we would even pay for our own db's MBA...
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05.24.13, 08:15 PM
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most business schools (if not all) won't admit somebody who already has MBA from elsewhere. This makes no sense.
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05.24.13, 08:24 PM
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The MBA in his home country is not considered the same as an MBA here. I thought he same thing too but apparently I was wrong.
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05.24.13, 08:21 PM
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In most of the world, it would be an undergrad degree - effectively a business major (just like law would be) and not a graduate degree. Makes sense to me that a US school would admit a foreign student under those circumstances.
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05.24.13, 08:25 PM
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Is there a PT option in the MBA program or a way to not take a full semester load? Does the student visa allow BIL to work in the field? Can BIL live with you to reduce expenses? I agree that it sounds like a not so great financial decision to do any of it BUT if your DH and this BIL are each other's only siblings and their parent's have died, it may be worse for your marriage in the long-run to insist that you not help him come to teh US.
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05.24.13, 08:14 PM
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He has to go full time for the student visa and he can work but only on campus. Our plan was to have him live with us but he only got accepted into out of state schools unfortunately. BIL is amazing and would never take a dime from us but also will do anything dh tells him.
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05.24.13, 08:18 PM
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I feel like this is something my DH would do. I feel for you. Perhaps take DH to see a financial planner and have him/her explain that you are not in such a position, as this is what I might do for a similar issue.
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05.24.13, 08:21 PM
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Ty. That sounds like an idea. I love BIL and want to help him however we truly can but without driving us into bankruptcy.
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05.24.13, 08:19 PM
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If your dh cannot help him, how does your bil plan to pay for it? I think BIL should be more responsible for his own education. He must have understood how expensive the schools are even before applying to schools.
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05.24.13, 08:28 PM
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He says he will take loans. Dh doesn't want BIL to have the burden of student loans the way we have. I think dh also feels guilty we aren't making more and are not able to be more generous to family that is struggling. Our HHI is 240K and live in Jersey City but undergrad and masters debt has been a burden for us.
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05.24.13, 08:32 PM
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I'm guessing you are Indian (I already thought that with your post, but living in Jersey City kind of nails it). In my opinion, Indians both have the feeling that they need to care for (financially support) their relatives from abroad (often times because they feel guilty that they are leading better lives). My parents did it for like 10 different people (bought them cars, schooling, paid for marriages, etc). Unfortunately, this did not lead to gratitude in any of them- as Indians from India also have a huge sense of entitlement and feel that this is their due/you can afford if it you work in America. So I would say- be careful. You honestly can Not afford it.
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05.24.13, 08:36 PM
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I'm too transparent. You're right - we already send way too much money home for distant relatives weddings, education, living expenses... It becomes a burden but I want to do what we can because some family members live hand to mouth and here we are with good jobs, a nice apartment, a car... When you grew up without anything and family gives you so much love it is hard to make these dicisions. Thank you for listening and giving me your advice.
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05.24.13, 08:42 PM
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^^^also I was born here so I'm always afraid of coming off as the spoiled American who forgot her roots. It puts me in a difficult position at times.
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05.24.13, 08:45 PM
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OR: I sensed that because I'm of Indian-descent born in America, married to a DH whose immediate family still lives in India. So I'm very sensitive to your concerns! But as my DH always admonishes me, when in India you have to think like an Indian/ not an American. The idea of paying 40K a year for another relative's degree (when you can't afford it) would be unthinkable to an Indian. If you do it, they would assume its because you can easily afford it. Indian's just do not make huge gestures like that-- frankly, generosity like that is an American-thing. Why not encourage your BIL to apply for jobs in the US, and then repeat his MBA at a point in the future when he can afford to pay/take out loans?
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05.24.13, 08:51 PM
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np: this is true of many immigrants, not just Indians. my parents are from a european country where their families were poor in the 1950s when they left, but not 30 years later and their sense of entitlement was incredible. i still remember my mom saying "enough is enough" when relatives there who were living better than she was would send letters with long lists of luxury items that they wanted her to buy for them. she was like "i buy my make up from the drugstore and they want me to buy them the whole estee lauder line, no way"
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05.24.13, 09:13 PM
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does he plan to take loans from his home country? US banks do not lend loans to foreign students.
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05.24.13, 09:10 PM
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ITA. Shows a lack of strategic thinking. Poor MBA candidate!
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05.24.13, 08:33 PM
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Dh urged BIL to do this even though BIL was resistant because he didn't want to become a burden on us. I'm happy he is coming to the US I'm just trying to figure out the economics.
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05.24.13, 08:36 PM
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It sounds like since you have debt that DH's parents did not pay his way so why should he pay Bil's I could see helping if they had paid for all DH's schooling and they passed away before helping BIL but that does not seem like it is the case.
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05.24.13, 08:37 PM
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Why does he feel responsible for BIL? You have to know that before you can work through the issue
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05.24.13, 08:58 PM
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Third World problems
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05.24.13, 09:23 PM
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