Confession: I am jealous of my single/childless friends. I have blocked their facebook feeds because I can't handle the jealousy. I am 40 yo, 3 dcs. My career is going nowhere because of my kids. I miss traveling and fun and freedom.
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07.18.14, 05:18 PM
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decent chance they are jealous of you as well
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07.18.14, 05:20 PM
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op. Maybe. I have the remedy for that: Spend the weekend with my kids while DH plays golf.
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07.18.14, 05:12 PM
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Why is your DH playing golf on the weekend while you take care of 3 kids and WOH?
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07.18.14, 07:43 PM
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Don't let him do this, unless he pays for a weekend nanny. Make him share the load of responsibilities and give you a break, take turns. Spend extra money next year or two to get extra babysitting hours to get some sanity. Should get better once kids are older, it's a temporary expense.
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07.18.14, 07:43 PM
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That's unfair. Are you getting an equivalent break?
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07.18.14, 08:52 PM
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Why would they? If they were they just could adopt or have a kid.
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07.18.14, 05:31 PM
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LOL. Mmmk
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01.09.16, 02:54 PM
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Your priorities are skewed.
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07.18.14, 05:20 PM
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op. How so?
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07.18.14, 05:12 PM
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Your children are so precious and compare to a fleeting trip or vacation.
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07.18.14, 05:15 PM
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^^^and Can't compare. ...
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07.18.14, 05:15 PM
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op. Oh please. You sound like a flyover SAHM.
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07.18.14, 05:15 PM
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np: IA with OR. However if you truly feel this way then why did you have 3?? -signed mom of 3
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07.18.14, 05:21 PM
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op. #3 was actually an "oops." We decided to go ahead with the pregnancy because we had 2 ds and were secretly hoping for a dd. We got what we wanted! So that's nice, but some days I wish I had never had kids. Or that I had stopped at 1.
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07.18.14, 05:34 PM
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I have 3 all same gender;( same story as yours. 1. My youngest is 1 year older and it's much easier now. It takes time to adjust to 3 kids 2. Take mini vacations without kids. Get more help. It's temporary you just need to make it work now.
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07.18.14, 05:28 PM
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How did these 3 children happen to you? Somebody dumped them on your doorstep?
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07.18.14, 05:36 PM
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Not everyone wants to have kids,
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07.18.14, 05:32 PM
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OP, must have given her 3 children
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07.18.14, 05:23 PM
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op. When I had my first dc, I thought I'd be able to balance work and parenting. Boy was I wrong. We had #2 basically just to give #1 a sibling. Then #3 was an oops.
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07.18.14, 05:36 PM
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I pray your children dont suffer from your negativity.
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07.18.14, 05:40 PM
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Omg, are you a troll? Please be a troll......
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07.18.14, 05:31 PM
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Praying doesn't do sh1t
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07.18.14, 05:32 PM
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Are you pro-life? My aunt got an abortion when she got accidentally pg with #3, she knew they weren't able to handle another kid.
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07.18.14, 07:55 PM
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Especially, since the reason you had #2 is to give #1 a sibling. sounds like maybe you didn't even want #2. Why go ahead with pg for #3?
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07.18.14, 07:56 PM
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np: because I didn't have a good enough "excuse" to kill my baby.
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07.19.14, 08:12 AM
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The circle of life. I'm sure people were jealous of me at one point (DH and I had DD later than most people and we did a lot of travel and generally had a good time). Now I'm in the thick of kid relating things. It's just another facet of life.
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07.18.14, 05:15 PM
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Eventually your children will grow up and leave home. Just live well within your means now, so when they are on their own you can make up for lost time.
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07.18.14, 05:25 PM
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op. Yes I cannot wait until that time. I have another 17 years or so...youngest is 15 mo. FML
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07.18.14, 05:16 PM
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How did that happen?
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07.18.14, 05:23 PM
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op. How did what happen?
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07.18.14, 05:35 PM
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Ugh.
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07.18.14, 08:42 PM
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You'll feel much better when the youngest is 4 or 5.
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07.18.14, 08:53 PM
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Such is the way of the wold. I feel like this fleetingly sometimes. I am not jealous per se but I catch myself longing for more freedom. Then I look at my wonderful children and wouldn't change a thing.
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07.18.14, 05:17 PM
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As a childfree UB lurker, I am so happy to read this!! I am so tired of getting the, "why dont you want kids?" Questions from people!!
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07.18.14, 05:28 PM
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you are happy that OP hates her life?
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07.18.14, 05:20 PM
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Pp- No..i am just happy that she is envious of us for a change!! I am tired of the "i feel sorry for you because you dont have kids" attitude. I am very happy w my life and dont see why others have to knock me down for my choice because I dont knock anyone for choosing a family either!
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07.18.14, 05:38 PM
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I get that. I do. I do not understand why you would lurk on ub though! Such nasty bitter women here. I come on occasionally to get some NY advice of a practical nature with respect to parenting. I suspect the only reason I would come on here if I were childless would be to validate my choice not to have children since so many seem unhappy here.
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07.18.14, 05:20 PM
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People do not talk kids all the time, just check the posts. Duh!
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07.18.14, 05:23 PM
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Pp- ^this. I came here for career advice and got some good tips. Plus I do live in NYC so lots of topics concern me, I just dont bother w the school or nanny posts.
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07.18.14, 05:39 PM
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This X 10000000
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07.18.14, 05:41 PM
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Other childless woman here: This!
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07.18.14, 05:23 PM
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How old are your kids. You will probably have grown kids by 50. You will travelers then. So you will have it all. What will your childless friends have? More of the same
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07.18.14, 05:20 PM
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op. My kids are 5, 3, and 15 months. So I won't be an empty-nester until age 57. Hopefully I'll still have my health intact.
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07.18.14, 05:22 PM
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Mom of 3 from above. My oldest is 10 1/2. You will be surprised how different 10 yo is from 5 yo. In 10 years your life will be much more enjoyable and relaxed. Your kids are very little and very close in age making you crazy
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07.18.14, 05:30 PM
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Yes specially when they are teenagers, such a sweet and lovely stage...... Said NO ONE EVER!
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07.18.14, 05:41 PM
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Yes you will have issues. Consider giving them up for adoption ASAP
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07.18.14, 05:42 PM
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Why issues? Teenagers are not easy, and that is a fact!
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07.18.14, 05:55 PM
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Because she is 1. Very negative 2. Assign her kids will be brats and given this attitude they most definitely will be
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07.18.14, 05:49 PM
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? Because teenagers are difficult to handle? Stop pretending having kids is all fun, joy and games 24/7.
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07.18.14, 05:46 PM
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Teens have their difficulties but its most definitely a lot less physically texting and parents most definitely have a lot more free time which is OPs biggest issue
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07.18.14, 05:50 PM
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I have been married for over 7 years and we decided not to have kids and I am happy with my choice, but there must be a pretty powerful reason that make you decide you wanted children, think about that, having kind come with a lot of sacrifice but I bet it has it's great rewards as well. GL.
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07.18.14, 05:31 PM
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Having kids*
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07.18.14, 05:32 PM
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op. I grossly underestimated how much time, money and effort a child consumes.
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07.18.14, 05:38 PM
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It's so brave of you to post this.
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07.18.14, 05:22 PM
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It's an anonymous board. Brave she ain't
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07.18.14, 05:25 PM
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I bet your kids do not wrong ever!
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07.18.14, 05:28 PM
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Flyover state mom
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07.18.14, 05:28 PM
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Nope. Having fun mom
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07.18.14, 05:34 PM
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No, it is brave. Because it means she admitted it to herself.
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07.18.14, 05:42 PM
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Of course we all have moments when we wish we had freedom to do whatever with our lives. It's natural. Brave? Get real
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07.18.14, 05:36 PM
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Well, you made your bed, if you feel like venting come here and do it, in RL you would be judged as a criminal, there are good and bad moments. Hang on!
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07.18.14, 05:26 PM
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Please be prepared to be flamed. Because Sanctimoms are on
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07.18.14, 05:27 PM
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Childless people are selfish, don't be jealous of that, they only think about themselves.
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07.18.14, 05:40 PM
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op. You know who else only thinks about themselves? Kids. Kids are ungrateful, selfish, and suck the everloving life from your veins.
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07.18.14, 05:42 PM
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Bridge troll.
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07.18.14, 05:45 PM
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Maybe you should work on how you are raising your kids, only brats behave like that, mine are not like this.
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07.18.14, 05:47 PM
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np Yes, your kids are brats. You just don't see it.
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07.18.14, 05:48 PM
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nnp: children can be sweet and lovely and not bratty and at te same time be ungrateful and selfish. bc they are KIDS. they really don't understand the sacrifices parents make for them and they always want something bc they don't understand how difficult or expensive or time consuming that thing is. and when you are spread thin, sometimes the "mommy can we please..." is like nails on a chalkboard.
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07.18.14, 09:08 PM
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LOL. Because its so. damn. true.
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07.18.14, 08:42 PM
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Oh, get over yourself. We were all children once. They don't know any better and neither did you.
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07.19.14, 02:10 AM
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I will never forget reading on here once a great assessment. Having a child is the most selfish thing you can do. Raising a child is the most selfless thing you can do. They cancel each other out.
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07.18.14, 05:34 PM
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The only life that you had, your most precious years, in the trash can. Good luck enjoying life when you are 70.
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07.18.14, 05:50 PM
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Have you kids at a reasonable age and you'll get your life back much younger. I'll be 50.
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07.18.14, 07:52 PM
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sure but 50?!?! I gave up my best years 28 to 46 by the time they are 18. Those were/are without a doubt my best years.
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07.19.14, 08:22 AM
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Eh. I got my nest emptied at 50. It's not bad.
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01.09.16, 02:56 PM
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It's so true. Every single one I know is self centered
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07.18.14, 05:34 PM
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op. As opposed to being obsessed with their dc's accomplishments and how it reflects on them? Yeah maybe
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07.18.14, 07:44 PM
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+1000 I agree w/ you OP. My single friends are way better friends/family/community members than I am now, because they have the time and energy to be. They volunteer, they remember birthdays and write thoughtful notes, they come over and cook for us, they take our kids (and their nieces/nephews) on adventures--and it's easy and fun for them. Because it's all a choice, and because they're still sleeping 8+ hours/night and getting exercise every day.
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07.18.14, 08:49 PM
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This.
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07.19.14, 02:21 AM
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Ignorance. Childless "selfish" teacher here who works with 500 kids a week and I love them all!!! Also, what about the people who want kids but can't have them. So rude to group us all as selfish, what do you do to help make the world a better place besides having offspring?
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01.09.16, 02:54 PM
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Children free here: Have you been stress out lately? Is your dh helping with childcare? Is there a way you can take a long weekend vacation and relax? Maybe hiring someone after work to help you with meals and children routine?, don't miss situations you can't have, it is just a waste of time, try to find a solution that works for your family and make things more enjoyable.
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07.18.14, 05:54 PM
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Me too, sort of. 36 with 3DCs and exhausted all the time. I miss going out and traveling too. But I also know I'll miss these days when my kids are old. Mine are 6, 3 and 1.
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07.18.14, 05:46 PM
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would u trade your DCs for a better career? You'll have freedom, fun and travel again in a few years
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07.18.14, 05:51 PM
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Yes when she is old.
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07.18.14, 06:23 PM
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She'll have more time as an empty nester than she did raising kids. She'll have a couple of decades to travel.
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07.18.14, 06:52 PM
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That's why I had one OP, and dc will be out of the house when I'm in early 40s. I keep dreaming about this day. DH and I are going to have so much fun again...sigh....have 12 years gone by yet?
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07.18.14, 06:03 PM
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I posted earlier about my single childless or childfree sister. She is very lonely and pretty miserable. If you met her you would think her life is fabulous. Grass is always greener.
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07.18.14, 05:54 PM
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It doesn't mean childfree couples are miserable.
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07.18.14, 06:23 PM
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of course it doesn't. i guarantee neither is OP. grass is always greener
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07.18.14, 06:42 PM
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You have a perfect excuse for your career failure. What excuse would you have if you didn't have kids?
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07.18.14, 05:57 PM
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np: wouldn't need one.
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07.19.14, 08:25 AM
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You are jealous now, because you have superficial attitudes. you will not be jealous when you're old and you have children and grandchildren and they don't. Get over yourself.
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07.18.14, 06:51 PM
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Having kids is no guarantee that you will have grandkids.
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07.19.14, 06:04 AM
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"Careers" are a recent phenomenon for MEN and WOMEN. Ugh.
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07.18.14, 06:51 PM
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Dear OP: Be happy with your life and dont complain! Do you know how many single women there are out there who have to sit home alone every night and /or going on date after date in hopes of finding a decent guy to have children with? And some of them who havent been able to do this and went to sperm banks!! Imagine if this was your life- I am sure you would be complaining about this too right??
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07.18.14, 07:17 PM
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op. My cousin did this at 40. Went to sperm bank, had a great DS. She's now 49, still single, and seems very happy. Goes on amazing vacations and trips with her DS. Still has a great career. In a lot of ways her life is better and less complicated than mine is.
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07.18.14, 07:44 PM
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Sounds like the problem is your DH.
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07.18.14, 07:51 PM
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So you are a loser and blaming your kids on it? Nice
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07.19.14, 12:17 AM
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It's normal to feel this way, especially when you are in a thick of things with childcare, jobs, etc. Grass is always greener. Single and childfree people are not necessarily happier, even if they have a lot more time for themselves and less responsibilities. Single people are usually always hunting for love and relationship and have to deal with dating scene and stress that comes with that, those that don't are just loners and have issues. Childless couples are not always happier, maybe they are unable to have kids, but want them, maybe they are regretting their choice, but it's too late, or one of them wants kids, while another doesn't.
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07.18.14, 08:01 PM
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DH and I have been together for 8 years before having kids, we traveled the world alone and with friends, had our fair share of fun and little responsibility. But after a while it all got old, dinners, trips, movies, shows, etc. It felt like the same thing, just different setting. Life is actually monotonous if you just spend it indulging yourself. We wanted to share all of our experiences with our kids, take them to places, see them grow and change. It's very rewarding. It is very hard and tedious and sacrifices seem to be non stop. But I would not change this and I am one of the most selfish people I know. You just learn to balance your selfish desires and get a little bit of break here and there and then get used to sacrifice, but not be resentful. Sounds like you need a break. And it does get easier when kids grow older.
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07.18.14, 07:57 PM
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+1. I would never have 3 though.
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07.19.14, 12:16 PM
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I confess to the same feelings sometimes. I think it's perfectly normal. I am jealous of the freedom to travel, and also to focus on their careers, that my childless friends enjoy. But these are fleeting feelings. I had kids in my late thirties and so had plenty of time to enjoy a child-free, carefree existence. And I did. So now this is my season to enjoy my kids. And I DO, despite the times when they drive me crazy. In a way I feel fortunate that I have been able to enjoy both sides of it.
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07.18.14, 08:45 PM
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I'm so with you, OP. And I only have ONE dc. But I actually revel in those single-people FB feeds and love having dinner with these friends just to try to remember that part of myself and live vicariously through those adventures... Feels so lame. I love my dc as a person/kid--I just get so fed up with my life as mom.
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07.18.14, 09:10 PM
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I can't believe people are reacting so strongly to this. What parent hasn't felt like this at moments??
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07.19.14, 12:17 AM
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you know what we do? And by the way, I've posted several negative posts above in support of you, bitching about kids. We travel a lot anyway. Sure it's different with kids, but it's still great, different but still great. We still go out with our friends at least once a month, and luckily my mum takes them for the night and keeps them most of the next day, we even get to missing them by 5pm Sunday after our great night out, dinner, dancing, after party, home or sex, asleep at 5.. wake up at 10, lazy day. Actually that night happens once a year, but it sure helps.
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07.19.14, 08:29 AM
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The once a month marathon really happens once a year?
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07.19.14, 11:44 AM
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Once a month we go out with friends, but yeah.. when I think about it... the marathon as you called it (accurately) happens once or twice a year.
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07.19.14, 01:57 PM
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I have one, and the reason for it was so we maintained the freedom. Why did you have 3?
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07.19.14, 12:00 PM
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