How many women has your DH slept with throughout his life including you? What number would have turned you off and made you not interested in marrying him?
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05.26.14, 08:17 PM
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My DH has been with me and one other woman during our break up prior to marriage. I would not be interested in a guy who has had more than 5 sex partners. That's just gross to me. Sex without love is gross and I have a heard time believing you can truly love more than 5 people
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05.26.14, 08:01 PM
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Just curious. Where did you come up with 5?
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05.26.14, 08:09 PM
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It's arbitrary. But I guess I could replace 5 with "anyone you're not in love with"
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05.26.14, 08:21 PM
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So, your DH loved the other break up girl?
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05.26.14, 08:10 PM
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I think one experiment with caul sex is fine. Just like trying cocaine once is fine. More than that is hedonistic and gross in my opinion
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05.26.14, 08:18 PM
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You, my love, are a special kind of f'd up. Glad you found a lid for your pot, though, albeit a very inexperienced lid.
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05.26.14, 08:25 PM
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Sorry you're a slut. Ethical people don't fuck around.
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05.26.14, 08:57 PM
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Aww. I thought you were cute still thinking "slut" is an insult in this day and age, but you went too far with your second sentence. Now, I just think you're a pot-stirrer.
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05.26.14, 09:08 PM
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What exactly is unethical about sex?
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05.26.14, 09:49 PM
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Don't feed the troll
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05.26.14, 10:54 PM
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What exactly is unethical about cocaine? Nothing unless it's abused. Sex wight love is hedonistic
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05.27.14, 01:40 AM
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Np: um, what is wrong with hedonism? Are you super religious? It sounds like you are not very conscious as to the origins of your thinking. We are made to enjoy life - and fwiw 'cocaine' and 'falling in love' stimulate the exact same pleasure center of our brain
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05.27.14, 02:08 AM
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op: You suck at psychoanalyzing. I'm atheist and I'm very aware of my thinking,p, but you don't seem too aware. I know cocaine and sex stimulate the same dopamine receptors. Too much of a good thing stimulating your dopamine receptors is known as abuse and is hedonistic. By your philosophy of we're meant to enjoy life, why don't you just do cocaine all day then?
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05.27.14, 02:16 AM
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So what its hedonistic? If an activity makes two people happy and hurts no one else, what kind of fucked up value system considers it unethical?
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05.27.14, 02:48 AM
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One that values long term happiness more than giving into the temptations of the moment
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05.27.14, 06:34 AM
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oh boy! where's 'cool story, bro!" mom when you need her?
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05.27.14, 10:11 AM
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You are very confused about what is the subject of ethics. Maximizing one's own happiness is not it. Try reading some JS Mill. Maybe your head can be extracted from your posterior yet.
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05.27.14, 12:30 PM
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woman! go get some fresh d***, you clearly need it.
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05.27.14, 05:19 PM
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PRUDE DID YOU NOT HEAR ABOUT THE FREE LOVE 60'S AND 70'S KEY PARTIES? IT'S SAD YOUR PARENTS HAD MORE SEX THAN YOU.
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05.28.14, 04:36 AM
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How should i know? common decency means I never told him my number and he never told me his. He would be revolted by mine
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05.26.14, 08:01 PM
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How would you not know this basic information before you married him? Do you even know his middle name? Weird
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05.26.14, 08:05 PM
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Basic information?? Priorities, I guess. -NP
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05.26.14, 08:31 PM
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the exact number of partners is not basic information. basic information would include STD status though.
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05.27.14, 03:23 PM
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Number of partners is pretty basic. If my wife wouldn't reveal that, I'd assume that the number were very, very high, and run away.
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05.27.14, 05:09 PM
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why would you care?
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05.28.14, 12:06 AM
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Np: dh and I never exchanged this info. 10 years later and I still don't want to know.
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05.26.14, 08:34 PM
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Np here also and I dont want to know either. I have a feeling i am the 2nd woman in his life. He never went to his HS prom and commuted to colkege and grad school, didnt have a GF until 35 and he broke up w hee at age 37 which is when he met me.
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05.27.14, 02:46 AM
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You sound needy and annoying
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05.26.14, 10:32 PM
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+1
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05.27.14, 12:29 AM
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+2
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05.27.14, 12:44 AM
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+1 Not my business what he did before me.
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05.27.14, 12:50 AM
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I have little idea. I'd imagine something like 100 would have turned me off, but I know it's less than that.
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05.26.14, 08:19 PM
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Gross
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05.26.14, 08:05 PM
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Why gross? Do you think people don't shower between sexual encounters? Confused
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05.27.14, 02:09 AM
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If you think you know how many people your dh fucked, you're joking yourself.
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05.26.14, 08:02 PM
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Sounds like you're not much of a thinker
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05.26.14, 08:06 PM
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Your "response" makes no sense.
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05.26.14, 08:08 PM
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Your lack of comprehension proves my point
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05.26.14, 08:58 PM
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+1
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05.28.14, 12:07 AM
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+1
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05.26.14, 08:42 PM
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Correct.
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05.26.14, 09:06 PM
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True
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05.26.14, 10:32 PM
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+1
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05.28.14, 12:07 AM
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Probably true if you're dating a NY/ NJ guy. There are some guys out there that are more on the honest and nerdy side and have no need to lie.
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05.28.14, 04:33 AM
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I know he wasn't a virgin when we met at 18 but he would never say anything precise about any other girl. I know he had at least one sexual affair during our marriage. That's as much as I know.
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05.26.14, 08:20 PM
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Yikes. Why did he tell you? Do you wish he hadn't?
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05.26.14, 08:06 PM
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He didn't tell me - I found out and he admitted it. It's not like it's something you're thrilled about - it was horrific and awful to go through at the time. I couldn't imagine him being with anyone else and I was a mental case for a while. But then somehow you keep putting one step in front of the other and figure stuff out. You grow up.
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05.26.14, 08:29 PM
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np and kudos to you.
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05.26.14, 08:13 PM
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thank you. I mean that.
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05.26.14, 08:29 PM
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well done! A voice of maturity on UB, odd. :)
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05.28.14, 12:08 AM
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I am not 100% sure about the absolute # but def. more than 25. Aside of the fact that I slept with more than 25 men before DH, this had never been an issue for me
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05.26.14, 08:03 PM
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You've had sex with 25 men? Why?
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05.26.14, 08:07 PM
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more than 25 for sure, but I don't really count. Why? because I wanted to I guess? I know this may be an obvious answer sorry
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05.26.14, 08:27 PM
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i'm 34 yo - DH's younger (much younger)
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05.26.14, 08:14 PM
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Flyover state?
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05.26.14, 10:33 PM
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This
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05.27.14, 02:10 AM
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onp and yes, lots of int' traveling (backpacking) helped. US and Israelis on top of my list
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05.27.14, 06:50 AM
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lol @ why
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05.27.14, 01:53 AM
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Why TF not??!
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05.27.14, 06:27 PM
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lots - no idea really - but a number would not turn me off unless it was only 1 or 2 people
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05.26.14, 08:21 PM
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Wait, why would you want your DH to fuck more women? I would be turned off if he had fucked more than 2 women
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05.26.14, 08:07 PM
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Weird
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05.26.14, 08:08 PM
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So you want your DH to cheat too? Weird that you want your DH to fuck other women
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05.26.14, 08:19 PM
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Strange conclusion. I take it as she wanted her DH to be experienced and desired before she married him. Not anymore.
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05.27.14, 06:28 PM
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This. Can you explain why you want a DH who fuck around more? You know that raises risk of infidelity right?
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05.26.14, 08:20 PM
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Grown-ups call it dating. And I'm confident you know that your "stat" about infidelity is the opposite of true.
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05.26.14, 08:46 PM
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Hahah you are so dumb. It's well proven that guys who have more sexual partners before marriage and more likely to cheat and divorce
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05.26.14, 09:16 PM
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Ah, I get it. Something tells me you also think it is "well proven" that Jesus Christ is my lord and savior.
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05.26.14, 09:09 PM
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No, I'm an atheist. Not all nonChristians are sluts
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05.27.14, 01:41 AM
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But most Christians are
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05.27.14, 02:11 AM
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red herring argument. The point is that dating or marrying a guy with many sexual partners put you at high risk of being cheated on and ending up divorced
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05.27.14, 02:17 AM
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Actually this is true. Past behavior is indicative of future behavior. A slutty guy will cheat.
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05.27.14, 09:18 AM
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What you're not getting is that dating a woman a year until you get married is not "slutty."
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05.27.14, 03:05 PM
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Nonsense. If a guy cheats on girlfriends, it is an indication that he is likely to cheat on a wife. Many partners is not in itself an indication that a guy would cheat in a committed relationship.
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05.27.14, 08:46 PM
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True, very true.
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05.28.14, 02:24 AM
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I would be turned off if he had only slept with 2 women. No experience.
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05.26.14, 08:18 PM
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This
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05.26.14, 08:21 PM
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+1. And he was in his 30's, so it would equate to something seriously wrong with him if he either couldn't find anyone to sleep with him or was fanatically religious.
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05.26.14, 08:40 PM
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ita
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05.26.14, 08:59 PM
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Totally this
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05.26.14, 10:34 PM
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Yup
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05.27.14, 02:11 AM
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because you're prude, or insecure about your ability to fulfill his sexual needs, or just religious?
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05.28.14, 12:09 AM
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+1
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05.26.14, 08:07 PM
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ITA
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05.26.14, 10:34 PM
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+11
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05.27.14, 12:50 AM
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27. Yea, it weirded me out. He had some wild 20s. He was only my 3rd.
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05.26.14, 08:10 PM
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He counted? And he specifically told you 27? How can you know anything about yourself only sleeping with 2 people before settling down?
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05.26.14, 08:31 PM
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I asked him while we were away on our first vacation. He counted. He was my 3rd man that I had "sex" with, but I had been in relationships with women also, including one long one, and I had plenty of non-sex hookups. I was able to teach him a bunch about sex even with less quantity of partners. I had better quality, and was active in the 90s nyc queer scene and we had quite our fill of sex workshops and parties.
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05.26.14, 08:36 PM
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^^age: 36
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05.26.14, 08:36 PM
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And you think HE had some wild 20's?!!?
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05.26.14, 08:38 PM
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Hmm... good point. I didn't actually hook up with a number anywhere near 27 though. I guess saying "plenty" was too generous. Total hookups involving any genital touching probably more like 10.
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05.26.14, 08:22 PM
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I have an addendum. Please post your age with your response b/c some of you people sound seriously old. -np
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05.26.14, 08:12 PM
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op: I'm 27
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05.26.14, 08:19 PM
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How long have you been married?
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05.26.14, 08:25 PM
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np I'm 36, husband is 42. We each had 20+ partners before we married.
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05.26.14, 08:28 PM
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just me - he was a virgin. we started dating at 18 and got married at 22. i wouldn't care though if he slept with a lot of women before getting married.
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05.26.14, 08:15 PM
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-im 29
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05.26.14, 08:19 PM
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How many have you been with?
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05.26.14, 08:19 PM
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4
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05.26.14, 09:42 PM
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including him
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05.26.14, 09:43 PM
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correction, we started dating at 19
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05.26.14, 09:42 PM
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Same here. He wasn't with anyone, just me. I had been with 4, inc him.
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05.26.14, 10:00 PM
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A lot. Definitely more than 20. His family was shocked when he got married.
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05.26.14, 08:20 PM
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I'm 50. Married DH at 36. He's same age We both slept with about 50 ppl prior to each other Don't known exact number or his and don't really care. I guess we were pretty wild but never thought of myself as a slut and you wouldn't think that by looking at me. Not that unusual in our age group growing up in the 70s/80s. I'm shocked some of you have slept with so few actually. (Like 1-5 )
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05.26.14, 09:29 PM
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1-5 is enough. Can't imagine being prodded by 50 dudes
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05.26.14, 10:01 PM
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Above poster and I enjoyed it! Never felt like "being prodded". Do you enjoy sex? It is possible to have good sex without being in love you know. I also was in two serious long term relationships before DH Just enjoyed my single days as well.
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05.26.14, 10:33 PM
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You sound super uptight. How sad.
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05.26.14, 10:52 PM
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It's not like it's 50 all at the same time!
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05.27.14, 12:47 AM
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Why do you dislike sex? It's very sad to read this
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05.27.14, 02:13 AM
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screwing 50 guys is sad
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05.28.14, 02:17 AM
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Did you double up on some of them? That sounds like a lot in short period of time
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05.28.14, 12:37 AM
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I know!
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05.28.14, 02:17 AM
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She was 36 when she got married. 50 isn't that many, especially if she started as a teen.
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05.28.14, 02:35 AM
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I hear you. But this is a recent phenomenon. Women in the past didn't have so many lovers. They got married young an birth control was iffy. Please don't pretend that this was the historical norm. Also, in the past if you have this many lovers you would have been a prostitute and would have died early of stds. Don't feel bad about this but it it's true.
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05.27.14, 09:21 AM
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Why would she feel bad? You didn't say anything.
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05.27.14, 03:10 PM
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I have no idea and don't care
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05.26.14, 10:32 PM
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I think, unless you met your DH/partner, in college that it would be very odd if they'd only been with one other person.
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05.27.14, 12:21 AM
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Most people meet DH in college (of the people who go to college demographic)
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05.27.14, 01:43 AM
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Yep.
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05.27.14, 03:03 PM
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Agree most people meet their DH in college.
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05.28.14, 02:18 AM
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dh here. Only slept with three girls prior to starting to date dw at 22. Really wish I had more experiences but dw snapped me up just as i was becoming a man, really. Dw slept with a few more and rubs it in my face a lot. Actually, it turns me on when she does that, which is sometimes before we have sex.
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05.27.14, 12:54 AM
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Do you have cuckold fantasies?
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05.27.14, 01:43 AM
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I had a boyfriend who had those fantasies
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05.27.14, 01:43 AM
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cuckold fantasies are about guys who are really gay.
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05.27.14, 09:22 AM
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maybe slightly
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05.27.14, 11:25 AM
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Good for you for enjoying your head space like this and not being threatened like a lot of guys would be!
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05.27.14, 02:14 AM
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actually, it pisses me off, but what am I going to do. shame on me for having no game in college.
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05.27.14, 11:26 AM
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Oh stop. You would not be the same guy if you slept around w random peeps
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05.28.14, 02:19 AM
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Ugh. Fucked up.
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05.27.14, 09:22 AM
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??
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05.27.14, 03:32 PM
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-1
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05.28.14, 12:14 AM
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So when are you going to come out to your wife?
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05.27.14, 06:49 PM
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what part of what I have written is gay? that I like dirty talk where I imagine her as a slut doing or wanting to do other men? what should I fantasize about, her becoming a nun?
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05.27.14, 10:12 PM
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np dh here: sounds like a normal enough guy, just more honest than is typical.
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05.28.14, 12:15 AM
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As long as he's disease free, I don't care
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05.27.14, 12:58 AM
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x1000
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05.27.14, 12:11 PM
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At least 50. There is definitely NO NUMber that would have "turned me off".
It's kind of a ridiculous concept. Actually, the more the better in terms of making him a better lover.
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05.27.14, 01:41 AM
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Statistically the most beautiful women have the fewest lovers because men who date them want to hold on as long as possible.
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05.27.14, 09:23 AM
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Statistically? Citing the Journal of Imaginary Science and Stuff?
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05.28.14, 12:15 AM
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Yeah, this. She sounds crazy.
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05.28.14, 02:36 AM
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This, I likes ! I've only been with a few men, all very very long term.
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05.28.14, 02:21 AM
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Complete and utter nonsense.
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05.28.14, 02:37 AM
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A lot. He was kind of a jerk/in a bad place before we started dating. I'm 36 and we've been married for 10 years.
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05.27.14, 01:50 AM
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You guys are gonna flip a shit, I can already tell but we we started dating when we were 17. He had slept with 2 other girls and he was my first and only. We got married when we were 23 and our 25th anniversary is next month!
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05.27.14, 01:52 AM
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That's adorable. My DH was my first and only as well
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05.27.14, 02:18 AM
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Love your story
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05.27.14, 02:18 AM
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Go girl! You are lucky.
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05.27.14, 09:23 AM
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Sounds just like my parents! They got divorced last month and my dad had a baby with my little sister's friend.
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05.27.14, 03:33 PM
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lucky dog
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05.28.14, 12:16 AM
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Almost 49 here, married 20 years. DH is 67. He was a real playboy, was a television producer for a very popular music show and dated tons of models, singers and dancers in his heyday. He probably slept with 50-100 women before we met; I'm his second wife and adore him so much that no number would have mattered because he's my other half. We've been almost inseparable since we met.
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05.27.14, 02:18 AM
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Ugh. You will be changing his diapers and a widow for a LONG time. You were impressed by him at a young age, but YOUR old age will be shit.
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05.27.14, 09:24 AM
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NP- Are YOU married to a much older man? I find that women that use the "you will be changing his diapers" argument have no actual experience on the subject. Yes, she probably will be a widow for a long time, but does that discount the 20 years of happy marriage she's already had, and the 20 years she still may have in front of her? I'd rather be a widow at 69 after 40 years of a wonderful marriage than a divorcee at 45 because I HAD to marry someone within 5 years of my age.
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05.27.14, 01:54 PM
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ITA.
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05.27.14, 02:07 PM
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THIS.
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05.27.14, 03:04 PM
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None of the men in his family (all of them 85-103 years old when they died if they survived to adulthood, going back over 300 years per the family Bible) has ever worn diapers. Even the ones who had dementia or Alzheimer's had control of their bodily functions. If my husband ever does need intimate care, I'm up for it: he's nursed me through cancer and a debilitating accident that left me in a wheelchair for a few years, and we both signed on for better or worse. We never know what this life has in store for us, so if that's the worst that happens to him, I'll be grateful.
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05.28.14, 12:06 AM
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Wish I could favorite a post on this site.
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05.28.14, 12:17 AM
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We were each other's first. Met in college, I was 17, he was 20.
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05.27.14, 03:49 AM
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DH here. If you want to know, ask him and take his number and divide by two. Whenever I had a girlfriend and this subject came up, I would multiply by two whatever she told me.
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05.27.14, 03:55 AM
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clever! as long as you know when NOT to lie.
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05.27.14, 04:46 AM
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well that would be 1 and a half person. i don't think DH had sex with a half person.
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05.27.14, 03:16 PM
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Maybe a dwarf or a developmentally delayed girl?
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05.28.14, 12:17 AM
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Haha!
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05.28.14, 02:23 AM
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8. And we married when I was 21 and he was 24.
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05.27.14, 03:53 AM
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DH. Over 100. In my 20s and early 30s. Didn't even seem like a lot at the time. I wasn't in any long relationships until I met DW. So I dated for 20 years (16 to 36, when I met DW). Its only 5 people a year...
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05.27.14, 12:52 PM
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3 - IDK, 5? I mean we were 20 when we met
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05.27.14, 02:02 PM
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I think like 4-5...my number is much larger like 30 I think
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05.27.14, 02:30 PM
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Don't know, don't care.
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05.27.14, 02:54 PM
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+1 was just about to write the same.
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05.27.14, 03:06 PM
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3. I don't know what number would have turned me off, it would have been more about the most recent years history, not from teenage or college years.
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05.27.14, 03:22 PM
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Around 10 for him, only one other for me.
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05.27.14, 03:25 PM
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Also, OP is an idiot.
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05.27.14, 03:25 PM
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I think about 25? He'd been with very few prior to his ex-fiancee, then he said on the rebound after her he kind of made a point of sleeping around a bit. The only numbers that would have turned me off would be either 0, or well over a hundred because I would wonder what else he was NOT doing with his life (becuase he was so busy with conquests). But it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I don't think sex without deep, committed love is gross. I think if you just like each other and are attracted, and are upfront, it's fine. And I wish I'd had more, because once I made that promise, I meant it, and I do feel like I missed out (I rejected most guys who were into me before DH).
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05.27.14, 04:34 PM
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To be fair, if a man hooks up with a new woman every other weekend, he'll hit 100 in four years. So, college.
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05.27.14, 09:21 PM
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He slept with one. He honestly believes you need to love the person, in order to have sex with them. If he hadn't of slept with anyone, it would be a turn off. I much preferred an experienced man to one with no experience. In my experience and I've had WAY more than him, men with a lot of experience are better lovers. Inexperienced men require you to teach them, which can be rather annoying.
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05.27.14, 05:58 PM
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What grade are you in? Who asks those types of questions?
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05.27.14, 06:46 PM
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We were the first for each other. Married 27 years and have a great sex life!
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05.27.14, 09:00 PM
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Seven and seven. He asked me and was butt hurt to find that I slept with other men besides him
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05.28.14, 12:02 AM
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Btw 1,000- 1,800
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05.28.14, 12:29 AM
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I know his number (he told me when we first started dating, unprompted by me) and he does not know mine. Mine is higher than his, though that should not and does not matter. My number is a number I am comfortable with and his is a number he is comfortable with. I wouldn't care if his number was 10x as high or 300x as high as long as he was the kind, loving man I am in love with, and also STD free (which is such a crapshoot, all it takes is once). His number is just about the least important thing that I considered when deciding to marry him.
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05.28.14, 12:44 AM
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