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02.01.13, 05:04 AM General Topics
19 replies
I just need to vent: I have a dear, dear lifelong friend, who for the last few years has been (I believe) somewhat depressed. Usually I try to be a good source of love and support, but her depression manifests itself in that she takes everything as an insult or to mean she's not wanted, even if it was just a misunderstanding. I know its not her fault, but sometimes its incredibly frustrating to deal with. /vent over. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 02.01.13, 05:04 AM Flag
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that doesn't sound entirely like depression - depression is a likely element but I think there's something else going on [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:15 AM Flag
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Perhaps, but she is definitely also depressed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:22 AM Flag
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Depression and really low self esteem [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:25 AM Flag
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I'm depressed and this is me. I always feel like people don't want me around, that I'm a loser, that I'm unlovable, etc. It's hard to see anything positive when you're so depressed. The best thing my friends can do to help me is to get me to do activities like exercise, going to the movies, taking hikes/walks, playing with animals. If they can get me there, that's a huge help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:24 AM Flag
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We are planning a vacation together - that's how this recent misunderstanding transpired. I'm just so frustrated because I planned something as she asked, but then when she later asked about it, somehow my reply wasn't exactly the way she wanted and she assumed it meant that the plan wouldn't pan out - so she started saying "don't worry, I'll just plan something for myself those days" I know she doesn't do it on purpose, but I go out of my way to do something for her and just make everything worse [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:33 AM Flag
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Hm, sometimes when I get really frustrated, I inadvertently take it out on my friends. I just emotionally overwhelmed. When I get upset, the best thing that someone can say is "Hey, I care about you. Are you ok?" and then that puts me back into proper perspective [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:43 AM Flag
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I guess I can try that next time. Thanks. I tried to reassure her that I did exactly what she asked but she kept reacting as though I had left her out of plans. Its just hard... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:43 AM Flag
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When people reassure me, it just makes me feel guilty, because I know I'm acting irrationally, and their efforts to tell me they were doing what I wanted just make me feel like a total asshole. I think, "I'm such a terrible friend that I make my friends bend over backwards to do special things for me. And then when they do, I can't even be happy about it." So I think focusing on your positive *feelings* is better than justifying your actions/help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:57 AM Flag
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OK I will try that thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 06:03 AM Flag
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You are doing too much for her. Seriously. She is weighing you down. I have been in this position and it really sucks. Good luck. You need to disengage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:27 PM Flag
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OK. Here is the problem. You nailed it, but you are so self centered that you can't see what you're doing wrong. Ugh. Depressed people are draining. They drain the life out of people. They expect others to cheer them up. They absolve themselves of any responsibility. Friends are not babysitters. I am telling you this to teach you something, not to slam you. My brother suffers from depression, have several friends who are depressed. So I get it. I have been through hard times. BUT you need to take responsibility for yourself. Like if you had diabetes. You need to offer up activities. Your friends are not responsible for you. YOU are responsible for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:24 PM Flag
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I have a childhood family friend like this. She has so many problems and things never get easier for her. It's one tragedy after the next. I just listen. And I can see the good things about her still because I've known her for so,long, a d she will listen to my piddle problems.which surprises me due to her overwhelming problems. Does your friend add anything g to your life? I'm sure she does. Try to,focus on the good about her. You wouldn't want to lose her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:53 AM Flag
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She adds immeasurable good to my life, and I love her dearly. I definitely don't want to lose her. I just had an incredibly frustrating conversation with her, and needed to vent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 06:03 AM Flag
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You are me. Have a childhood friend like this. I am friends with her for the same reason. She knew men when I was little. But she drags me down. I had to reduce contact. It's really toxic. I find myself really too empathetic and it gets me down. Not good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:29 PM Flag
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You know what? My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and this is setting off alarm bells for me. Not saying your DF has it, but it could explain her behavior. B's are incredibly manipulative (without conscious intention). They are also genuinely suffering deep emotional pain. They are terrified of abandonment. I have to be extrememly careful with everything i say to my mother because of her ability to distort what I say to have the worst possible meaning. Does your DD have many long-term friendships? If not, that is another symptom of the disorder. You can read more and if you think it fits DF, reading about it can help you cooe with her behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 09:05 AM Flag
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^^meant to say DF not DD [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 09:08 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:30 PM Flag
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Be careful. BPD is a very serious condition and you can't just throw that diagnosis around casually. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:31 PM Flag
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I agree. I don't mean to be cavalier abou it and i might have overstepped my bounds here. Sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:40 PM Flag
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