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02.01.13, 02:23 AM General Topics
60 replies
My son has always been socially awkward and has not been able to connect with many friends. He is easily teased, targeted, excluded from playdates. He does not talk too much with his friends and tries getting attention in silly ways which makes him an easy target. We have tried lots of things to help him get socially inept including few playdates. Today one of the kid who came over for a playdate mentioned that tomorrow was a 'mean day' and that an innocent kid would be picked on and teased and he mentioned my son's name. These are 2nd graders and I was shocked. What should I do? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 02.01.13, 02:23 AM Flag
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get him therapy so he can learn social skills [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:24 AM Flag
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This, and get him into activities where an older student can mentor him. Get him into activities like chess or karate, anything where he can enjoy himself and bring up his self esteem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:26 AM Flag
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the combo of therapy and activities has really helped [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:24 AM Flag
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Helped who? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:31 AM Flag
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my ds [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:32 AM Flag
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Awesome! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:33 AM Flag
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Did the therapist recommend it or did you decide the activities? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:34 AM Flag
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i did [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:37 AM Flag
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Glad to hear it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:41 AM Flag
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This is a Disgraceful suggestion. Take your kid to a therapist because it's his fault that other kids are picking on him because of his poor social skills? Fuck that. I'm in a similar situation and I'd report it directly to the principal. In NJ where I am they go to jail if they dont follow through on addressing the problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:48 AM Flag
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np - in theory i agree with you, but in practice, the child will encounter bullies throughout life. they just won't be as obvious. he should get tons of adult help in grade school, but it's best for him if he learns how to cope or disengage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:48 AM Flag
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This. Face reality and give your child the skills he needs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:53 AM Flag
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Agree. But instead, a therapist might be able to help him deal with these horrible experiences and not internalize the messages they are sending so that they don't become even more toxic later. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:53 AM Flag
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nnp - I know your mama bear is up - but the absolute best thing you can do for your child is get the target off his back. You cannot eliminate or punish all the bad guys that will pick on him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:56 AM Flag
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Can you discuss with the kid's mom and the teacher? I hate to hear this sort of thing..sorry it happened. How was the playdate,btw? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:22 AM Flag
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talk to him about it; kids won't know unless you teach them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:23 AM Flag
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THIS. Talk to him about how its ok to stand up for himself, that making friends and being courteous to others is good. Have nice long conversations about it and how to ignore people who make you feel bad and to not internalize it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:33 AM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:42 AM Flag
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Aw.... Sad..... Talk to his teacher. Perhaps there are other similar kids he could hang out with? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:27 AM Flag
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does he have learning disabilities? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:26 AM Flag
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+1 Like Asberger's? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:33 AM Flag
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Why would you label someone like that? On what basis? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:43 AM Flag
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You wouldn't want to label them, but if there are ways to get them help and understand what's going on then I see no problem in becoming aware of what life can be like for people with these disabilities. It helps to treat the issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:57 AM Flag
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Just asking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:06 AM Flag
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on the basis of the description provided [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:19 AM Flag
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Does every kid who struggles socially at a young age need to have a medical diagnosis? On UB, the answer seems to be yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:44 AM Flag
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Why the overreaction? If he does, he can get help. If he doesn't, then parents are on their own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:53 AM Flag
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it is not an overreaction. I too am stunned at the number of posters who recommend therapy for any adult problem and an evaluation for an child problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:17 AM Flag
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:16 AM Flag
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What school? I would talk to the teacher and maybe even the kids mom. It's quite upsetting. Also simultaneously teach your child how to handle this type f thing. There are parent teacher counsellor s that can help you with this type of thing. Therapy will help him too... Good luck!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:27 AM Flag
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This is a tough one. Do you know this child's mom? Wow. I'm trying to think about how I would handle this. Instead of deciding, let me think out loud about options. I could reach out to mom (it's 9:30 so a little late) and tell her this is what you heard her son say and that you have decided not to mention anything to the teacher *yet* - but if she could get any info out of her ds and relay to you, you would very much appreciate it. OR, I would email the teacher with the facts and say I was hesitant to send dc to school tomorrow - but I would - hoping that this did not happen and if it did it would be addressed by the schoool. then I would ask dc what happened in school and proceed. Yes, that is what I would do, number 2. Good luck! PS, I would warn the other mom of the child who might get picked on too. - Heck - I would just copy the email I sent to teacher to both moms. there, that is what I would do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:29 AM Flag
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I'd call the other mom..and email teacher. 9:30's not that late in this situation. Gl. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:31 AM Flag
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Maybe he was just kidding. This is bullying!! N second grade?? I would talk to the teacher. Teachers must handle this yep of thing. Do not ignore!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:30 AM Flag
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Awww poor kid. I would dpemail the teacher and CC the parent [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:31 AM Flag
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I would waffle about keeping DS home, and would certainly email teacher and school. Leave the other parent out of it. You don't know how they're going to react, and you want all their reactions to be on the record with the school. Going through similar stuff with my own child. We talk a lot about how even when the mean kids seem nice it's often a setup, but I think he just can't accept that other people truly want to be mean for fun. It's heartbreaking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:40 AM Flag
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I dont want to disclose child's name to the teacher. The mom is very sweet and a good friend of mine. This makes it more complex. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:43 AM Flag
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Then why don't you just tell this kid to support his buddy and tell the mean kids to back off?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:45 AM Flag
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OR: I agree. If the mom's a good friend and not some random woman... well, I guess you'll find out just how good a friend she is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:49 AM Flag
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you need to tell the teacher what was said and by whom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:59 AM Flag
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I'm sorry - but if she was a "good friend" you would have called her immediately. that is what friends do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:00 AM Flag
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Great day to ask teacher if you can go and read a story or something in the class so you can see the dynamic for yourself if possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:42 AM Flag
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This is crazy! Tell the mom he said this. Ask if she know about this mean day. Talk to the teacher at drop off tomorrow and tell her to assure you no scutching will happen and that she will address this issue. Ask your son what s mean day and find out if he has ever participated in this before and teased others.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:43 AM Flag
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Please, let your son be himself and stop projecting yourself onto him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:48 AM Flag
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Let a second grader figure his own way out f bullying?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:48 AM Flag
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UGH! why are kids so mean and ridiculous sometimes. Am sorry, OP. My only advice is he WILL get through this horrible time. One year I was popular, the net year I had no friends. Kids are fickle. Try to make your home a solid and stable refuge away from school. Try to have fun with him. Does he have any friends in your neighborhood that don't attend his school? You have to send him to school. You can't protect them from every mean word that gets sent their way. He has to learn to cope on his own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:51 AM Flag
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I meant don't try to change him to suit others. Yes, deal with the bullying situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:50 AM Flag
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I am the OP. Not sure what you mean by that. What makes you think I am projecting myself onto him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:49 AM Flag
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Oh Jesus, you again. Don't you ever get tired of preaching on about how all kids are normal to the point where they physcially injure each other, and it's just everybody else's fault that they don't understand boys? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:49 AM Flag
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???????? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:53 AM Flag
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Keep your son home tomorrow and talk to the principal of the school! This us unacceptable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:50 AM Flag
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Just wanted to say good luck! I also have a socially awkward child and I know it can be difficult. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:52 AM Flag
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Focus on a strong social connection for him outside of school , even just one really really good friend he likes to play with, and provide a very secure family environment. This worked for my son. And then occasional play dates with classmates one on one. Ask him what he knows about this mean day?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:55 AM Flag
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+1 - I replied something similar above. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:03 AM Flag
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can you keep him home tomorrow? I know it is not a permanent solution, but I can't stand the thought of a second-grader being picked on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 02:57 AM Flag
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My son is the same way. He is 6. We recently, 3 months ago, cut back on TV and video games to only one hour in every 2 weeks and interestingly I have noticed that he has become more social recently. Just thought I'd share... Don't know if your son is watching a lot of tv or not and video games etc but this is certainly worth a try. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:01 AM Flag
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Is he happy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:08 AM Flag
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Yes he is a very happy kid and usually does not let any meanness get to him. He gets distracted easily with his favourite ice cream or TV show which is the best part of his day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 03:15 AM Flag
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Then, let him be. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 05:01 AM Flag
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This makes me so sad. Please update us. I would probably throat-punch the bullies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 04:50 AM Flag
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Take him to a private practice SLP for pragmatic language skill-building in a small group setting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.01.13, 07:36 PM Flag
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