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12.06.12, 16:53 PM General Topics
198 replies
Huge Vent: I'm at wits end. DH has been out of work over a year, but instead of looking for job wants to start up his own fund with the money from an apartment we are trying to sell. I've posted a few times as I've been frustrated we live so meagerly i.e. no ordering in, no taxis, $100/week on groceries, no fun, etc. I saw I could get our DS some Carters sleepers for $8 and he said no. Money is only allowed on food and diapers. He refuses to look for work saying this is the only way. I'm so mad for him putting our family in this situation. We live in a one bedroom with a horrible kitchen that should be condemned. I have one toddler and another DB due any day. I struggle everyday to cook in the kitchen but between the old stove protruding out and the fridge door that faces the wrong way, and not being able to open the fridge when the high chair is there, I just banged my head and then my arm while trying to feed toddler and I lost it. I just can't live like this any longer. I feel like I hate DH today for putting us through this. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 12.06.12, 04:53 PM Flag
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He sounds a bit delusional. Have you ever been to therapy? Maybe an outside counselor needs to tell him that his fund dreams need to wait until you're purchasing sleepers without hesitation. Really sorry you're going through this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:56 PM Flag
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I'm in therapy now just to learn skills on how to deal with this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:58 PM Flag
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^^he won't go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:58 PM Flag
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How are you affording therapy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 01:10 AM Flag
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Insurance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:22 AM Flag
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Why if you are struggling would you be pregnant with another child---there are ways to prevent pregnancy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 07:18 AM Flag
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Perfect example of why some people should not have that 2nd baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:56 PM Flag
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Ugh!! I'm 40 and this is last chance for sibling. I do believe this is temporary. Not having a second child is forever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:57 PM Flag
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I am sorry OP, I really do feel genuinely sorry and I understand what you are going through, I am also almost 40 and this is a last chance to have sibling, and our situation is not roses either, lots of instability. All I can say, hang on and hugs! We are thinking of relocating and starting a new life even with lower paying jobs elsewhere. Maybe relocating somewhere even to the outer borough could give you some more breathing room, and make sure DH doesn't take all the money for his business. It is very risky and it is your family money, not HIS money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:52 PM Flag
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Thank you so much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:54 PM Flag
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Ditto on the relocation. Look somewhere in the midwest or south where you can both get good jobs and childcare and schools are less expense, as is housing. NYC is eating you alive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 03:44 AM Flag
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OP, don't dignify this comment with a response! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:10 PM Flag
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OP: you are right. I should not have gotten defensive earlier and should not have answered half of these comments. I let my hormones and being flustered get the best of me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 12:06 AM Flag
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This is temporary and you will get through it! No doubt to have your 2nd child now was the right decision, I cannot believe how insensitive above poster is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 01:19 AM Flag
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I am glad there are going to be more people like you in the world. I'm sorry your husband is sucking right now. Good luck with the new baby! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 03:22 AM Flag
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If OPs dh would get a job and support his family, they wouldn't have an issue having a second DB. Instead he's being a dreamer and betting on a lotto type of job situation. Pursuing precarious job fantasies are not where you should be heading when you're unemployed. Work a few years, build up a ton of savings and pursue those things in your off hours. He needs to man up. The minute he had that first child, he needed to rearrange your priorities. I never buy anything for myself, but you can be damn sure I would make sure to have an $8 package of sleepers for my child before I'd direct funds to my dream career. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:02 PM Flag
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OP: EXACTLY! I don't know how to get him to recognize this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:03 PM Flag
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File for divorce, state he is deliberately unemplyed. Do NOT let him waste the apartment money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:07 PM Flag
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They're both deliberately unemployed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:18 PM Flag
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It seems like she is primary CC person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:24 PM Flag
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I don't want to leave him and I can't change his mind. Is this only way? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:20 PM Flag
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Your husband is out of work, you already have a child, and instead of getting a job, you get PG again. What kind of priorities are those? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:08 PM Flag
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If you must know the EXACT DETAILS: 1) we were living in London until last year so I could not work, 2) On return to states we I had extremely invasive surgery one year ago (a TKR), 3) when I got PG our net worth w apt and savings was over 900k. Even w DH out of work seems like it made sense you jerk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:12 PM Flag
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So the EXACT DETAILS are your DH was out of work and, instead of getting a job, you got PG again? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:14 PM Flag
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I had a total knee replacement!!! Do you know how long the recovery is for that? And we were worth almost a million. Your argument sucks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:26 PM Flag
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np: it makes no sense to get pregnant right after a knee replacement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:32 PM Flag
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Well then you must be a dr. And my dr would disagree with you as he gave me the green light. You have zero idea what you are talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:43 PM Flag
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You really don't get it, it has nothing to do with your medical conditin but your lack of an income. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:48 PM Flag
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You are so ignorant I'm wasting time. Post I'd you want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:05 PM Flag
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np: you are being nasty to Op for no reason. Lots of other posts state she has more than 95% of population. You must be jealous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:06 PM Flag
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NNP: It's the OP that gets nasty anytime anyone suggests that SHE ought to take some financial responsiblity for her family (one this thread or any of the five prior ones). It's all excuses and insults. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:13 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:21 PM Flag
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exactly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:22 PM Flag
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I am supporting us. While DH risks all of our savings. I don't know how to be more financially responsible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:56 PM Flag
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But not enough to live up to her own expected standards, if her husband is not working. I have to agree with the person who said not the greatest timer o have a second. There are other ways if they get through this part. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 03:48 AM Flag
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STFU - She's 40. I would have done the same in her situation. I'm glad for you you've never had to face a decision like this. She can go back to work once baby is a few months old. But for now, her situation sucks and her DH is being a jerk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:24 PM Flag
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wait for her to start complaining about how she has to work, an't afford childcare, or doesn't have enough help. they don't have enough $ with him not working, period. Two kids is going to break them if he doesn't' get a job PRONTO. that, and they have to move. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 03:49 AM Flag
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You went through 800k in 1 year?! I don't think I could spend that much in a year if I had to unless it included buying a house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:11 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:28 PM Flag
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she has 700k net worth currently. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 07:28 PM Flag
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And it is tied up in real estate [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:17 PM Flag
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700k real estate is hardly "tied up." if she needed to sell it, she could sell it for $500k in a week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:35 AM Flag
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Dont listen Op, people just want to be critical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 07:53 PM Flag
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Op, again, don't listen to this @sshole! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:11 PM Flag
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Thanks guys. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 12:08 AM Flag
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Oh lord we were broke like this for years, due to starting a business, so glad that dh and I are back to regular jobs and the business is just a side thing. It sucks! It means no fun ever, I don't think people understand how terrible it is. It's why I can understand how "poor" people end up buying things that others don't see as worthy. Have that baby and get some work. You will have to support the family. Can you leave for awhile, to a relatives or something? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:09 PM Flag
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I really don't want to break up the family even if I disagree with DH. I am prepared to support us when I am able after DB is born. But it still scares me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:20 PM Flag
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not fair, you need to stfu!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:10 PM Flag
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sounds painful. do you work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:58 PM Flag
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I freelance. I have resume ready to go as soon as DB#2 is born and I look presentable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:59 PM Flag
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^^presentable enough to interview. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:00 PM Flag
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how much do you make freelancing in 2012? Is it more than $4K a month? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:07 PM Flag
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Nope. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:07 PM Flag
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You need to work more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:14 PM Flag
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That is my freelance pay while Pg. I'm due any day. When I go back to work I'm sure ill make per 100k. God I'm already stressed enough about these uniformed judgement calls. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:30 PM Flag
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Without. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:30 PM Flag
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And how much do you make at your job? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:59 PM Flag
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DH has been out of work for a whole year, and you're feeling sorry for your *self*? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:00 PM Flag
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Why shouldn't I? This has been tough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:01 PM Flag
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NP: Come on--that was really harsh. I definitely feel sorry for OP. Seems like her husband doesn't recognize that there's a problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:02 PM Flag
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Retread that post about the dh that quit his job and mde some bad trade with family savings when mom was SAhm [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 04:59 PM Flag
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I will! Didn't see that one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:00 PM Flag
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OMG DO NOT LET HIM START OWN FUND. If you're already broke and those are your savings, he will just lose it all. So, so few of these things are successful. I know someone who tried this and of course it was a disaster, they lost all their money. Same story, DH that wanted to do it was delusional and overconfident in own math/programming skills. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:00 PM Flag
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How do I stop him?????? It's freaking me out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:03 PM Flag
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Tell him to sit down with you can give you a time line. Within one month if he doesnt have prime broker, attorney, CPA and administrator signed up, he should give itup. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:06 PM Flag
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He has a lot of that in order now. His cousin did the same thing and gave him his admin. Mind you his uncle is worth hundreds of millions and funded the whole thing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:09 PM Flag
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IMHO, it is very difficult to get started without at least 20M under management. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:13 PM Flag
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^^^how much would he have? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:13 PM Flag
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He plans on getting investors after a solid two year track record. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:31 PM Flag
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never gamble with your own money. rule # 1. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 03:51 AM Flag
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hold on please. it is expensive to get these things in place. he could easily run through half this money in a month. this is a horrible idea. and just because you have a pb, admin, and atty doesn't mean jack. you think they won't take your money? you think they even have the wherewithal to determine whether you're going to be successful? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:12 PM Flag
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Exactly. Which is why I'm freaking out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:13 PM Flag
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OP, I have had a similar situation. If I had it to do over I would make different choices. You could get an attorney involved and basically freeze those assets in escrow account until you can come to a mutually agreed upon resolution. That may seem dramatic, but I had about the same as you in liquid assets, DH lost it all in business venture that failed and then he was out of work. I know the hell you're going through, I have been there. Take care of yourself and don't let him do this. I am still w DH btw. We both started new businesses. We're not out of the hole yet, but much better than before. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 10:07 PM Flag
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I just asked him about this. Apparently he plans to invest privately for two years before starting the fund. So it won't be a fund for a while. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:17 PM Flag
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right because he wants a track record. ask him what kind of fund he plans to start. equities? special industry or all equities? large cap? something else? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:23 PM Flag
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I'm annoyed at myself that I don't know. I will find out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:47 PM Flag
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Another sign this is totally fake. This DH is going to start a fund on $100k? His legal and accounting bills will be more than that. Whatever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:47 AM Flag
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wow, $700k - he is selling an apartment. read the post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:59 AM Flag
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It doesn't matter - professional fees and technology still will blast through half of that. Read the comments where this poster has posted numerous times and has been flat-out caught screwing up her story. This is a troll, people, and a bad one at that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 03:04 AM Flag
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she seems legit to me. also, i don't know what your profession is, but i am in the EXACT right spot to speak to what his professional fees would be. all of that said, i don't think he should go forward with this unless he has some extraordinary connections (from which he can raise money) and/or family money to lean on. i'm risk-averse at heart and so i think if these things aren't the case, OP should so whatever she has to do to ensure that he doesn't start the fund and provided that he doesn't, they will be ok as long as he finds a job soon. $700k is not a bad net worth. also, there may be retirement accounts that we haven't heard about and of course there is likely social security (whatever it may be in 20-30 years . . . it won't be everything, but it won't be nothing either) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 03:13 AM Flag
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I've had experience with a professional bill or two in the field... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 03:14 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:05 PM Flag
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seriously! if he has any contacts and track record, and if he's good, he should be able to find a firm to seed it. so what if he's giving up a % of future profits, it won't make you go broke. you can lose all your money this way if you never get investors. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:34 PM Flag
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Do you work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:01 PM Flag
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Your job keeps you afloat, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:02 PM Flag
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Not much. It helps, but we live mostly off our savings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:04 PM Flag
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Why does he get to make these decisions? If you are letting him, then you are deciding to agree with him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:03 PM Flag
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Should I tell him to leave? I don't know what to do. I don't want this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:05 PM Flag
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There is a HUGE divide between allowing him to make spending decisions of such granularity that you can't pop for an $8 onsie and having him leave. You need to find some middle ground. Even if you SAH, the family's money decisions should be owned by both of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:18 PM Flag
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I don't know how to get him to hear this. I agree completely. But I feel like my opinion isn't brought into reasoning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:39 PM Flag
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how much is the apartment worth? clearly, he should not start his own fund, but would like to know what your net worth is (liquid and illiquid) so that we can figure out how dire your situation actually is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:04 PM Flag
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It's his bachelor pad before we were married. So not much. Maybe around $700k? But with all the fees I expect him to have around 600k liquid to start his biz. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:06 PM Flag
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Ah, there's your problem. He thinks of this as HIS money, not yours together, because it was premarital property. he is also, ps, trying to recover some off his mojo from those days. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 03:54 AM Flag
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We also have about $100 k in savings left. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:07 PM Flag
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ok so i think you need to take a step back and realize that you're not in a horrible place. if he uses all your money to start his fund and it doesn't work out, THEN you may be in a horrible place (assuming there is no family money you can fall back on). next, i'd do whatever was in my power to stop him from using these funds to start his fund. literally, file for divorce if you have to and have the assets frozen. or threaten it and be serious and see if he takes a step back then. if the dude can't ge a job, i doubt he is going to be able to raise money. and i don't mean that in a mean way. it's tough to get a job right now in asset management; it's even tougher to raise money. and why can't he get a job? has he been trying? has he been turning down opportunities because they're nto as good as what he wants? what's his background? why does he think he can raise money for his fund? does he know people who will invest? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:15 PM Flag
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I don't think he has been turning down jobs. He started off the year interviewing quite a lot. But I agree I hunk he thinks hat none of the jobs out there are the right fit for him. None good enough. His background is a judge fund analyst. He was at last firm for over 11 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:36 PM Flag
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^^sorry for the typos. I'm just flustered and too PG. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:37 PM Flag
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I grew not in a horrible place, but in a stressful place. Plus our living situation isn't ideal. Living in my old one bedroom is really hard. I wish I could take a photo of kitchen to show what I'm dealing with. It's one of those horrible messed up kitchens and because this apt is rent stabilized, the building will net spend a dime to fix it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:38 PM Flag
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Weren't you down to $75k a few weeks ago? What, did DH's imaginary prospective fund already return 33%? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:53 AM Flag
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Here you are messing up that part of the story last month: http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55025235 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 03:29 AM Flag
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Who paid for the apartment? Did you contribute substantially to the down payment and the mortgage? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:08 PM Flag
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No. He owned his apt before we were married. We live in another apt that has been in my family a while so it is almost free. But it isn't fit for a family of four. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:14 PM Flag
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Without your DH's money as an analyst this is likely where you'd be living if you make less than $4K a month. IMHO you think you deserve a level of comfort but you have a roof over your head and a $100K in the bank and an apt. Your life is not the disaster you think it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:23 PM Flag
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We only make less than that now. After the baby I plan on making much more when I can go back to work full time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:34 PM Flag
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Then relax. Concentrate on having your child and in 8 weeks you can get a full-time gig. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:42 PM Flag
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Yes. But then lose all our net worth in the process. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:48 PM Flag
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will you get the money from that apartment, too? in other words, is that apartment part of your net worth? also are their retirement accounts? or college accounts? i'm asking because i'm trying to figure out if you're actually in a good eough position where you can afford to take the risk with this fund (assuming your DH isnt' in la-la land and he actually has the ability to do this). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:24 PM Flag
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Unfortunately not. The apartment we are in has been rent stabilized in my family for 38 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:34 PM Flag
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We lived in a 450 square foot apt with a toddler for 18 months, I did not think it was all that bad. I think it just may be your pregnancy hormones. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:27 PM Flag
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I agree. I'm sure some is PG. but I worry about this place with 2 DCs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:49 PM Flag
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irrelevant; he has 2 children and OP has the duty to mkae sure those kdis are taken care of [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:16 PM Flag
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And they currently are being taken care of, OP sounds like a spoiled princess [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:24 PM Flag
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how the fuck are they going to be taken care of when this guy still doesn't have a job 2 years from now and they have no savings. you sound incredibly irresponsible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:53 PM Flag
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There's a very obvious answer to that question. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:13 PM Flag
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So she has a duty to nag her husband a lot and make him work, but not to ever work herself? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:27 PM Flag
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she is full term pregnant! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:54 PM Flag
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The unemployment pre-dates the pregnancy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:16 PM Flag
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by 2 months [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 07:26 PM Flag
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She is 40 years old! It was now or never. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:21 PM Flag
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i'm the 2 months commenter. i agree with you. if she were dirt poor, maybe she should have stopped at 1. but her DH is a professional and she likely is, too (although i think she needs to be more in the know as far as her household is concerned). she will be fine. i think her question is probably something like "what is recommended for someone who will be fine, but wants to be more than fine" and i think that is a fair question. i like op :-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:37 AM Flag
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Ease up on the OP. She was in a foreign country for her husband's job so she couldn't work, came back for surgery and still managed to pick up freelance work quickly, after getting pregnant and taking care of one child. I think given the circumstances, she's proven she is willing to work as much as she is able. Her husband sounds selfish and delusional, particularly if he refuses to buy basic clothing for his children while planning to gamble their money on investments. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:21 PM Flag
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This is right on the money! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:00 PM Flag
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I think the problem here is that DH thinks that his apartment is HIS money and not family money and he gets to do with it what he wants, ignoring the fact that he is about to be the father of two kids and has major obligations to allocate some of his bachelor savings towards the family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 06:38 PM Flag
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She made it clear she worked and freelances until baby is born and plans to go back to work after baby is born! She never had plans not to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:34 PM Flag
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Take a deep breadth, you cannot control your DH or his decisions. You can only control your reactions and your life. Take some responsibility for the situation...you chose to marry DH, you chose to have 2 babies, you chose to freelance instead of having a stable career and you choose to worry about your DH's choice to start his own fund. At one time you had a lot of faith in him, he is your DH, if you still have faith in him and trust him then you are going to have to let go of your anger. I suggest you sit down and write a list of all that you are thankful for, then a list of where you would like to see yourself and then a plan for how you are going to get there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:12 PM Flag
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I'm not angry, I am scared. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:15 PM Flag
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I choose to worry? Nice. How can this not stress me out? Over all this mess I still love my husband very much. I don't want to leave or get a divorce. But this is extremely frightening. When we got married he wired as a senior analyst and was stable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:16 PM Flag
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I can understand change is scary and the unknown is also scary but the worse case scenario is what? Your DH loses the apartment money...guess what, he learns his lesson and go get a stable job. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:26 PM Flag
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True. But the gamble with the money seems crazy to me. It's obviously got me worked up. Losing everything for a life lesson is pretty harsh. We could have bought a house for that money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:18 PM Flag
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If he was a senior analyst for many years, how did he not have more savings than just 700K? Something doesn't add up here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 06:39 PM Flag
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Good lord, we all chose our spouses, I hope and most decided to have babies with them, it's the information we had at the time, not with a crystal ball. A lot may have changed since she made those choices, like that he has become a rock dragging the whole family under. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:19 PM Flag
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If the DH is a rock, the OP is a freaking boulder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:27 PM Flag
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Thanks. I support is, have had surgery, am full time caregiver to children, love my family and I drag is down. Thanks for your uplifting message. I'm trying to keep DH from losin all our net worth. I'm trying to keep us together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:03 PM Flag
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That is out of line. She is a full term pregnant mother whose financial situation is precarious. Women should support other women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:23 PM Flag
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this is all very true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:24 PM Flag
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BTW -before we moved to London I did have a stable career. And plan to after baby is born. we have only been back a year and between a new baby and my serious surgery, it made sense for me to wait. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:24 PM Flag
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Then it does not seem such a big deal that your DH will be starting up his own fund, if you are bringing in a stable income. This is temporary and I'd make no major decisions while in the late stages of pregnancy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:35 PM Flag
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But it is a big deal to lose all out money!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:50 PM Flag
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life is what you make it. could be worse. and if you are that cash strapped, why did you decide to have another baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:16 PM Flag
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Life is what you make it? Okay, so no venting or stressing, no wonder everyone takes meds around here, chin up no negative feelings, you can undo all of your choices and be fulfilled if you would just try harder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:24 PM Flag
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They're not that cash strapped. She has a free place to live and $100k in the bank. She just likes to whine. A lot. This is like the ninety-fifth time she's posted this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:29 PM Flag
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Plus she says she can easily make $100K when she goes back to work full-time. A total drama queen. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:40 PM Flag
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100k in NYC with no other present income is stressful. Losing all your savings on living expenses and bad Investments is stressful. Living in a one bedroom with 2 babies is stressful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:52 PM Flag
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Living on 100K in NYC is stressful for MOST people because of housing costs, which are not an issue for you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:14 PM Flag
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No: you must be really irresponsible if you think living off money with nothing coming in is not an issue because you have free rent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:37 PM Flag
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I remember her. But to her credit, this is the first time she posted about DH setting up his own business. It hanged the situation. Who wouldn't be worried? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:36 PM Flag
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None of this is new, except her forgetting her lie from a couple of weeks ago that they're down to $75k from $100k. See below for her screwing up her story on whether or not they own a car. Even if she's trying to fudge details (which I highly doubt - I think she's just a bad troll), she's got one piss-poor memory, which doesn't bode well for any of them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:56 AM Flag
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And scroll down, here she is a month ago saying she was now down to $75k. Keep your story straight, OP. http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55025235 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 03:28 AM Flag
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you both need a reality check. you are better off than 95%+ of the population with your paid-off apt that could net $600K and $100K in savings. people work all their lives and never see this much net worth. you both need to get off the manhattan mindset that says uber-rich is the norm. of course starting the fund is unrealistic. you each need to get a job and if you can "only" make $100K a year each at said new job and it's not glam, still count yourself luckier than almost everyone else. I don't say this meanly. you are in a bubble and everything is out of proportion (your panic, your frustration) because you have lost touch with how average people live. you are fine. you have a lot of cushion still. get to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:27 PM Flag
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Do average people love in a one bedroom with 2 babies? Do average people never eat out, not only pizza. We don't even go to the movies. Yes it is different elsewhere. But it's not so much what we have, it is also about what we are going to LOSE!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:53 PM Flag
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You don't need to live in manhattan. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:02 PM Flag
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exactly about manhattan--you need to "cut your coat to fit your cloth." average people do not have a $600-700K apt they can sell for a nest egg. your hysteria is completely unproductive. you yourself need to man up and stop blaming life, your dh, the job market, etc. you come on here to vent (I remember all your other posts) but you don't seem to be learning from the rational suggestions people are making. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:07 PM Flag
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No the difference with this post is losing all thy have. It is a new situation for her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:38 PM Flag
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It does for free rent. It would cost more to live anywhere else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:21 PM Flag
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You are complaining about the amount of space you have though. Plus, everything in NYC costs more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:24 PM Flag
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I am in a similar situation to you. DH has been working but not gotten a bonus for several years, so it's a lot less money than we were expecting/accustomed to. I think you have to find a way to talk to him. Get him to show you what is going to happen if his fund doesn't work out--how are you all going to live? Make sure he is thinking through all of these possibilities before he takes all of your savings and invests it. Maybe he can start small and then expand if things go well. I agree with PP who said it is very hard to raise money right now. If he doesn't have a plan to do that, then it is no plan at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:32 PM Flag
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^ getting my DH to sit down and work out a budget was really helpful. He sees where the money is going, where it can be cut, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:32 PM Flag
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When I am stressed i ask my husband or this info. It usually turns into a long converaaaion how this is temporary and not to worry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:04 PM Flag
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You gave him all the leverage. If he's not interested in working he's not going to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 05:56 PM Flag
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Has you Dh sought any advice or guidance in making this decision? Does anyone else think its a good idea? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:26 PM Flag
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So if he starts a fund is the plan to live in your current place until it starts making money? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 06:27 PM Flag
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Or possibily move in with in laws. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:08 PM Flag
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I Feel sorry for you if you may have to do this for long term (over a year) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 01:18 AM Flag
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Does he have experience managing money? If not, this is a VERY bad idea. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 07:52 PM Flag
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Of course. He did the same thing at a hedge fund for 11 years. That is no way a guarantee he will make money with their money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:39 PM Flag
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I feel really bad for you. You don't need the stress of losing your net worth while you are pregnant. To not be able to buy $8 Carter sleepers is crazy at this stage. Hugs to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:29 PM Flag
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OP: THANK YOU! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:38 PM Flag
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hey op. one thing i want to say in respose to OR. the fact that you can't buy $8 carters stuff is not a function of your dire situation; it's a function of the level of stress in your house right now. keep us posted. you WILL be fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:38 AM Flag
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You need to get a job and stop complaining. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 09:33 PM Flag
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Should she send out her resume while giving birth? OP, don't listen to this, you have stated quite clearly how you are looking and working. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:02 PM Flag
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Yes maybe she can work remotely from L & D. One can push out a baby and attend a conference call remotely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 12:55 AM Flag
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Give the OP a break! DH is crazy to start a fund, do not let him do this. And why are people jumping down your throat for having your 2nd DB? WTF? Your situation sucks and I would be on DH's ass to work harder to find employment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:14 PM Flag
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I'm not defending OP who sounds a bit spoiled in that she really hasn't contributed very much to the household finances. But you people are smoking crack that you think it should have been easy for her husband to land another fund/finance gig over the past year (or going forward). LOTS of finance people unemployed for >1yr with no leads in sight (my DH is one of them, though thankfully I work and earn alot). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:18 PM Flag
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I disagree. She has contributed more than her DH has the past year. And all of this while being a primary caregiver to her DC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 12:03 AM Flag
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I agree. People need to for this woman a break. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 12:03 AM Flag
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If DH was a senior analyst at his last fund for 11 years and you're living in a small apt, how is net worth only $900k?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:17 PM Flag
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OP: I'll tell you where --no bonuses for past 4 ears before layoffs. His base pay was very small. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 11:58 PM Flag
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Cry me a river. You own an apartment worth $700k. If you sell it, you estimate you'll net $600K. You have $100K in cash. You live in a cheap, rent-stabilized apartment. Waaaaaaah! Sucks to be "poor." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 10:29 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 11:13 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 01:08 AM Flag
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She's not upset about having an apartment worth that much. She is upset about DH using that to start a business and leaving them with nothing. People need to look at her big picture. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 11:59 PM Flag
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where the hell did all of your savings go?? If he really did work for the last 11 years??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.06.12, 11:42 PM Flag
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Sorry you are so stressed, especially because it's unnecessary. You will be clearing $700k on an apartment sale to add to your $100k and living fine on your income in a few months. Your DH needs to understand he can't just do whatever he wants anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 12:10 AM Flag
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Issue ultimatum. If he doesnt capitulate entirely, divorce papers file tomorrow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 12:31 AM Flag
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i agree cry me a river - move the hell out of the city for starters [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:20 AM Flag
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ha [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:28 PM Flag
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Now I know you're fake. Last time your child was a DD, and you were also buying Carter's stuff, and you were nine months pregnant 3 weeks ago. But I'm glad you're fake, because you are so fucking annoying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:22 AM Flag
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http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55013924 - there's a long thread by you going on about your car. And here's a doozy that has to be you, where you contradict yourself about having a car: http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/54221159. Can't find "DD" bit so perhaps I'm misremembering that, but you're caught on the car, and on your dates, unless you ran to UB the very moment you ovulated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:44 AM Flag
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omg your kids aren't going to get away with anything as teenagers! you should be a PI (admire your attention to detail) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 02:56 AM Flag
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It is possible people change their stories slightly to avoid being tracked. It is anonymous forum, if you provide too much detail and it's the same in each post then people remember you and form bias opinions, and this beats the purpose of posting. Doesn't mean she is completely fake, in fact if the story is similar most likely there is a lot of truth here, but obviously the details could be adjusted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 06:58 PM Flag
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OP's apartment has also appreciated from $500K to $700K in 2 months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 04:02 AM Flag
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interesting. but why would she lie about such a thing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 04:30 AM Flag
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i'm sorry. it sounds really, really hard. one thing you can do, you can easily put the door on the other side if you look at your manual or google it. best wishes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 04:27 AM Flag
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ultimatum. especially since you are expecting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.07.12, 08:40 PM Flag
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Do not let your DH start a fund! #1 he should do that with outside seed money not the family house, #2 money from a one bedroom is not enough to start a fund! #3 99% of funds do not get off the ground, if he doesn't want a job then get a job after the baby is born and he can be the SAD, less harm than making making a family of 4 homeless- finance mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 04:31 AM Flag
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x2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 04:45 AM Flag
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it's only going to get worse in america. starting a business is the best way to ensure an income, however, i wouldn't do it in this country. you know how obama and the church of obama hates anyone who achieves success. it will be an uphill battle here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 08:32 AM Flag
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Sorry. Sounds like he has spiraled into a fantasy world. He can not day trade your net worth. This can not happen [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.08.12, 01:25 PM Flag
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