Like the rest of you, I'm sick over this nanny story. And unlike some of you, I don't think it's an opportunity to turn this into some sort of judgment of a family for having a nanny. But, I'm just wondering, for those of you out there who ARE working moms or employ any kind of childcare workers, does this increase any anxiety for you? The background for me is that, when we were small children, my mother had to work (we were poor, she was single after my father deserted us). She checked out services and babysitters best she could, got references, etc., but we still had a slew of bad childcare workers. Those who wouldn't let us come inside on hot days, the one who duct taped my mouth shut, the daycare centers who treated 10 year olds the same as 1 year olds, and worst, the uncle who "helped out" and molested my sister in kindergarten. Needless to say, when it came time to go back to my job at a large law firm, I became very anxious about employing a nanny or other childcare. I eventually convinced my mother to move cross country and take care of my children during the day while I worked for 3 years. That is coming to an end, and I was starting to feel comfortable with the idea of nannies or childcare, having seen so many friends with wonderful options. But, this just puts the pit back in my stomach. I know this is my own issue, but I can't stop thinking about it.
[
Reply | Watch |
Flag
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 01:58 PM
Flag
»
Yes, even though I completely trust my nanny. Our kids are the same ages as the ones in that family, so it hits so close to home. I've been crying. Luckily Im not working today.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 01:59 PM
Flag
»
I am working and cannot concentrate. I have children about the same age difference as the victims, 5 yr old dd and 1 yr old ds. I have the chills thinking about their final moments. Why did she do this!????
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:09 PM
Flag
»
for the LAST time NO. It doesn't increase any damn anxiety for me, just like when a mother takes her own childrens lifes, like countless have, I do not immediately start thinking "oh dear I hope I dont snap and kill my kids"
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:00 PM
Flag
»
OP: I'm glad for you. I wish I was like that. But, as I posted, my own personal history plays a part. I'm happy for you that you have neither my history nor my anxiety. I wish I was in that spot.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:09 PM
Flag
»
NP I'm with you. Any of us can have a break and hurt a kid. Whoever is around them the most is most likely to do it. I worry far more about some sah friends who are so invested and so unhappy than most of the nannies I know.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 03:47 PM
Flag
»
Yes and I just saw the abuse video of kindergarden children by their school teacher- she is literally beating them, shoving them, pulling their hair- so what do we do?? Home school?? Thats not healthy either! I think as parents we just have to be careful to trust our kids when they say something and we have to trust our own instincts- sometimes I tend to brush things off thinking "oh he's only 5- I'm sure it was nothing!" But really- kids are smart and they know when something is not right- we must trust them and atleast investigate!
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:03 PM
Flag
»
OP: I agree. This is the only way my mom found out about my uncle abusing my sister. She heard her telling me about it. My sister was 5; I was 6. My mother believed it immediately. The idea that anyone wouldn't is beyond me.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:08 PM
Flag
»
You're lucky. A lot of parents automatically dismiss abuse. It's very important to listen and observe. On the other hand, this nanny tragedy is not something you can prevent. You just have to think logically and do the best research.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:25 PM
Flag
»
yes true and webcam!
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:25 PM
Flag
»
what video? where?
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:11 PM
Flag
»
this is in China- but it happens here plenty as well- just google abuse by teacher- its very sad..
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:21 PM
Flag
»
ITA. But I still hope that my DC wouldn't ever encounter anything especially traumatizing...
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:26 PM
Flag
»
Anything can happen anywhere - school shootings, massacre in a movie, psychotic breaks are random and have nothing to do with having a nanny. Signed working mom with guilt but not increased anxiety
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:09 PM
Flag
»
no. i read stories about men beating their wives and girlfriends a lot more often, and that didn't stop me from getting married. this is a horrible but truly aberrational event.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 02:13 PM
Flag
»
Lawyer like you. DD in K and sitter is with her abt an hour a day. I think nanny cams are a good idea. Showing up by "surprise" and seeing what is going on. I think that there are smart ways to have a sense of what is happening. AND having been a SAHM- insist upon meeting the other nannies your nanny hangs with. because unless your nanny is a wierdo (really) they tend to kill time by hanging out together. the care of your kid really is in the hands of your nanny and her friends. I have seen nanny friends that do a better job of caring for the kids than their own nanny. ALSO, very important, make friends with a SAHM (one that has a high standard when it comes to childcare) and have her eyeball your nanny. AND then listen to that friend SAHM when she says that your nanny is lacking and needs to be let go!
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 03:06 PM
Flag
»
our nanny of 7 years retired two years ago and i took two years to be a sahm. i returned to work when grandma retired becuase i simply did not feel comfortable with someone else in my home. i have inquired and interviewed people but never hired anyone. our first and only nanny worked for a family who were looking for a family to recommend their nanny to as their child was going off to school in a year. for the first year we shared her and it worked out wonderfully. for the following 6 years she lived in with us and became a true member of the family.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 03:10 PM
Flag
»
Nanny Cam or a good daycare.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 03:15 PM
Flag
»
Yes, I was abused by people that watched me too. All of them were wolves in sheep's clothing.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
10.26.12, 03:23 PM
Flag
»
Hi everyone. I'm a writer working on a story for parents about how parents are changing the ways they hire/manage nannies in light of this tragedy. I'd love to hear what you are doing differently in your homes and/or how your feelings may have changed after this event. Please reply to this string or email me at amydoxey(at)gmail(dot)com. I'd love to get in touch to hear your feelings on the matter.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
03.22.13, 01:19 AM
Flag
»
Hi everyone. I'm a writer working on a story for parents about how parents are changing the ways they hire/manage nannies in light of this tragedy. I'd love to hear what you are doing differently in your homes and/or how your feelings may have changed after this event. Please reply to this string or email me at amydoxey(at)gmail(dot)com. I'd love to get in touch to hear your feelings on the matter.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
03.22.13, 01:19 AM
Flag
»
Hi everyone. I'm a writer working on a story for parents about how parents are changing the ways they hire/manage nannies in light of this tragedy. I'd love to hear what you are doing differently in your homes and/or how your feelings may have changed after this event. Please reply to this string or email me at amydoxey(at)gmail(dot)com. I'd love to get in touch to hear your feelings on the matter.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
03.22.13, 01:19 AM
Flag
»
Hi everyone. I'm a writer working on a story for parents about how parents are changing the ways they hire/manage nannies in light of this tragedy. I'd love to hear what you are doing differently in your homes and/or how your feelings may have changed after this event. Please reply to this string or email me at amydoxey(at)gmail(dot)com. I'd love to get in touch to hear your feelings on the matter.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
03.22.13, 01:19 AM
Flag
»
Hi everyone. I'm a writer working on a story for parents about how parents are changing the ways they hire/manage nannies in light of this tragedy. I'd love to hear what you are doing differently in your homes and/or how your feelings may have changed after this event. Please reply to this string or email me at amydoxey(at)gmail(dot)com. I'd love to get in touch to hear your feelings on the matter.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
03.22.13, 01:19 AM
Flag
»
Holy shit. You just need to find somebody reasonable. You had some really terrible experiences. It seems like a nice, reputable daycare would be best for you. Many even have cameras where you can watch your kids' classrooms. Multiple adults in the room all day, and the head teacher has to have an advanced degree in child development or a related field. I've used nannies and daycare and have been very happy with both. But I think my kids preferred daycare--always loved being around the other kids.
[
Reply
|
More
]
General Topics
03.22.13, 01:25 AM
Flag