This story makes me heartsick. I posted a long time ago about letting go of a housekeeper we loved. She had been acting "off" for several weeks, for example one day I found a load of dirty laundry in the dryer - she had not even put it through the wash first. Other things also here and there, like a random pot full of water on the stove, seemingly no purpose. I also noticed her talking on her bluetooth cell phone quite a bit. One day "the day" she came to work and would not speak English to me. I kept saying "English" and she would respond in Spanish. She started to worry me and I asked her if she needed to go home that day. She said yes, and was acting so oddly that I literally watched her get into her car and drive away, then I locked the door. 5 minutes later she was back, getting out of her car and dancing and singing in my driveway before sitting in the snow in our yard with our dog, who was out. The last thing she did was come to the door and ask if she could take our dog home with her. I told her no and that she needed to go home and feel better, immediately. I then locked the door again and called the police to tell them she had left my home. I heard several hours later from the police that they went to her home, and whatever transpired there, she was put into a psychiatric unit that night. It turned out she had schizophrenia that she had never disclosed to us, and she was having a relapse of some kind. The kids later told me that she never did chat on a cell phone, she was just talking to the air all the time and it freaked them out. She also liked to lock herself in closets in the house and talk to our cat. I never noticed this and left her alone with the kids regularly. That day was the last time I saw her. We still get holiday cards from her asking for her job back, but, sorry, as sad as I am and as much as I know she's a good person, I could never have taken the risk again.
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10.26.12, 12:40 PM
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Wow, how scary.
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10.26.12, 12:41 PM
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We don't really need to hear this. Why make it about you? Just say you are horrified like the rest of us.
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10.26.12, 12:40 PM
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You don't have to read or comment on this. Just skip it if it bothers you. I found it to be a relevant and interesting story. She can say she is heartsick about this and can explain why it hits close to home.
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10.26.12, 12:44 PM
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My point was that I missed a LOT that was going on under my nose, it can happen to anyone and can happen to people you think you know and love. There was a lot that happened and I didn't do anything until a day when I had to be there and have it be so obvious that something was up. I was really oblivious. Of course it's NOT about me.
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10.26.12, 12:46 PM
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I enjoyed reading it. Are you a little TOO sensitive on this topic?
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10.26.12, 12:50 PM
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In defense of hiring people through official aupair programs, while some moms complain that you do not get to meet them, they are for the most part coming from countries with universal health care, and the imho, it is more likely that the agencies have some information regarding their mental health. I am glad things worked out for you.
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10.26.12, 12:48 PM
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She had worked for me for a year through a housekeeping agency that did heavy cleaning once a week. I always liked her very much. One day she stopped coming with the agency, but sent me a holiday card for the kids with a gift of a music CD from her native country, and her phone number. I called her and offered her a job housekeeping 3x a week in the afternoons where she could get the kids off the bus. I thought I had known her long enough and considered my own reference to be enough. Selfishly and stupidly, I had her come in on days the other cleaners did not, and did not ask the original agency about her to avoid a "finders fee" or any other awkwardness. I fully admit I was really, really stupid, cheap and unwise doing this ... and exactly what could have happened, did happen in my case. I'm sure the agency may have given me a very different story as to why she left. I reaped exactly what I sowed, and it would have been my fault had things been worse. This does not seem at all like the case of the UWS family, though. I was willingly foolhardy, but can speak only for myself.
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10.26.12, 04:21 PM
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Good grief. You are both smart and lucky. Thanks for sharing your story.
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10.26.12, 12:49 PM
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Thank you for posting-it reminds people to trust their instinct but also to follow through with help when signs are there.
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10.26.12, 12:59 PM
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and to talk to your children - and make sure they know if something bothers them about an adult in charge of them that they should tell you - they will never get in trouble for that.
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10.26.12, 01:01 PM
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I wish I had spoken to my children far more often. Even so, though, if they had said "she's weird" I may have even told them "she's not weird, you just don't understand all her spanish or the way she does things." I really may have dismissed them. I do wish one of them had told me that they knew she had no cell phone. That one may have jarred me awake earlier.
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10.26.12, 04:23 PM
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SHUT UP ALREADY. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NANNY. A FAMILY LOST THEIR TWO CHILDREN.
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10.26.12, 02:01 PM
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troll
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10.26.12, 04:17 PM
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Your story is so sad and scary. I can only imagine how you must feel.
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10.26.12, 02:14 PM
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What I feel is sad and fortunate, because I know to this day what I missed, and how much I missed for quite enough time for something worse to happen. I mean, she was talking to herself all that time and there I was, walking back and forth, and there was NO cell phone. I did not consider myself an uninvolved mother, yet not for a moment did I take a closer look. I just thought she liked animals! Now I look back and think, perhaps she really thought they were talking back. I just don't know, never will. I did think it was relevant to post about things I noticed but did not take a closer look at at the time. Thank the lord it worked out for me, but I take zero credit for it.
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10.26.12, 04:16 PM
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damn
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10.26.12, 04:22 PM
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curious, was she a religious zealot?
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10.26.12, 04:23 PM
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She was very, very Catholic. Regular mass and wore ashes on Ash Wednesday. I believe she wore a St. Medal. I don't attribute anything to that, though. Also part of the problem was my not speaking spanish. Who knows what I might have heard her say when she was chatting away, but I couldn't understand anything. I know some spanish but she spoke so rapidly and her accent was one that was hard for me to peg down.
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10.26.12, 04:34 PM
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hmmm
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10.26.12, 04:38 PM
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OP - oh, by the way, she had been with us just shy of 2 years, and I felt I had "known" her the year she worked at our home the year before. So I felt very comfortable with her, so comfortable that I just went on my way a lot of the time. I probably even told my kids that when I was gone, to "listen to her and save your questions for me" or something just as throw-away.
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10.26.12, 04:40 PM
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