I want to get pregnant again, but my sister who I am very close to is battling infertility. It feels insensitive to just barrage ahead in the hope we conceive a second, but at the same time I can't help how I feel. Anyone any advice on how to handle?
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11.14.11, 08:45 AM
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Have a baby. If she is not happy for you, that is very very sad. Or you could offer to act as a surrogate for her. But that is intense.
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11.14.11, 08:46 AM
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I was the one in the family who couldn't get pg. My sisters and sils all had babies while I was ttc. I honestly was happy for all of them, and they were lovely to me when I finally got pg.
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11.14.11, 08:49 AM
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+1 I was always happy for them - I would not want someone to go through that hassle!
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11.14.11, 09:13 AM
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Could you talk to her first and tell her your intentions so that news of the pregnancy isnt a shock to her?
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11.14.11, 08:49 AM
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I just don't want to make it all about me - I'm sure she wouldn't outwardly be anything other than happy but I just wish it would be her turn and her moment and I don't want to make her sadder.
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11.14.11, 08:51 AM
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You sound like a great sister.
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11.14.11, 08:54 AM
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You cannot put your life on hold because of your sister's issues. You can be sensitive about it, but do not sacrifice family plans for her. This will lead to future issues. Imagine if you wait 5 years until she conceives and then can't conceive yoruself. Be senstivie, but move forward.
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11.14.11, 08:50 AM
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Thank you. I think this is where I'm at. I'm not so young myself and there's no way of knowing how easy or not it will be to conceive. Sigh
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11.14.11, 08:52 AM
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np. yea i mean, if OP were 19 then that might be one thing but . . . . .
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11.14.11, 09:02 AM
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your sis's infertility shouldn't stop you from having a dc. All you can do for her is be there for her, pray for her and be a good sis. GL
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11.14.11, 08:52 AM
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You have to live your own life. Be sensitive to her feelings but I think she'll be happy for you and want to be involved
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11.14.11, 08:54 AM
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It will be tough on her, but you should move forward. If the situations were reversed, you wouldn't want her holding off. Maybe have a chat with her and tell her you guys are trying. You might also want to ask her...if you conceive...whether she'd want you to tell her in person or phone/email. I had one friend who asked that she be told via email so she had some reaction time before mustering congratulations. Face to face was harder for her since she'd been trying so long.
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11.14.11, 08:55 AM
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well, my DH and i had infertility issues for 3 years and then had a really sad second trimester miscarriage. DH threw me a big birthday party to try to cheer me up. when my closest friend came to visit me for the party she took a pregnancy test in our bathroom right after the party, and came racing out all excited waving the pee stick and cheering. i wouldn't recommend this approach. instead, i think it is important to be really open with your sister. tell her you love her and that you're really aware of how hard it is. also, recommend cornell. i have an awesome little baby now.
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11.14.11, 08:56 AM
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this is such a sad story. I'm glad you've got your awesome little baby now!
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11.14.11, 09:13 AM
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thank you. honestly, the main thing was that i was always happy for friends who were pregnant/had babies. it seemed independent of the issues we were having. i just didn't want the sheer joy of a positive pregnancy test in my face. so, i guess, just be thoughtful, which it sounds like you are anyway given your request for advice.
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11.14.11, 09:19 AM
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OP: Wow. What a story. Who does that? I am so sorry for her insensitivity, but so happy you have your baby now. The consensus appears to be quite clear on this, thanks UB for helping move beyond my worries on this issue a little.
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11.14.11, 09:19 AM
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I'm in a similar situation, but I'm the one going through Ivf. Do NOT put off having a baby to make you sil feel better. I don't like my sil, and I do get sad when I see her pregnant with four kids and one on the way, but this is just how life works out and I am happy that another baby will be in the family. Plus, I get baby time!!!
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11.14.11, 08:56 AM
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Lol she has four kids and one on the way, not pregnant with four kids
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11.14.11, 08:58 AM
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OP: Thank you
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11.14.11, 09:06 AM
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If I were the sister in this situation, I would still want you to forge ahead with what you want to do. It wouldn't be easy, but I would be happy for you.
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11.14.11, 09:01 AM
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"barrage" ahead? I thought I'd heard it all.
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11.14.11, 09:02 AM
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Go ahead and live your life. Just try to be sensitive. If she needs to talk about her struggles, just listen. Please don't give advice. I've been struggling with infertility and I get really frustrated when my Mom and sister tell stories about how easily they get pregnant and how they understand about my miscarriage (I have no kids and miscarried after IVF. My mom and sister had miscarriages, but have children.) And if I hear one more time to "just relax" I don't know what I'm going to do. You might want to check out Resolve's suggetions for family members of couples who are infertile.
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11.14.11, 09:36 AM
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