UrbanBaby

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What would you like to see happen? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:46 AM Flag

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Well after repeated meetings, aggressive calls, etc. on our end, things are moving forward but I'm just frustrated. Isn't it true that when you send your child to school you are entrusting there safety and well being to the school? MY DS's teacher is so f'ing clueless she sent him home with a cookie in a plastic wrapper that blatantly said the cookie had peanuts! Hellllooooooo. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:49 AM Flag

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That's really negligent, I agree. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:50 AM Flag

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I think if a level 5 is dangerous, and your DS is a level 100, you need to ask yourself if you can, in fact, reasonably entrust your DC's safety and well-being to a school (no matter how many accomodations they may make on your behalf). Because even well-meaning people can make mistakes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:56 AM Flag

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OP: I know but lots of schools are completely peanut free and have great policies in place. Why should he be excluded when all it takes is for school professionals to get on board with participating in the education we offer through FAAN, ourselves, his allergist, etc. We are all for doing anything possible to aid in educating anyone my DS comes in contact with. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:59 AM Flag

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Send him to one of those schools. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:08 AM Flag

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OP: too bad they aren't anywhere near me and the private schools cost $30k on average a year in my area. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:00 PM Flag

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np Kids eat pb for breakfast, you know--and you can't enforce what they eat in their own homes (nor should you be allowed to, imo). Residue on face, hands, clothes. Hell, someone with peanut on their fingers can touch a pole in the subway or the door handle in a cab. If your kid's allergy it THAT serious, I'm surprised you don't home school. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:41 PM Flag

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np Schools call themselves "peanut aware". "Peanut free" sets them up for major lawsuits. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:42 PM Flag

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this, for real. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:02 AM Flag

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you don't really want opinions, do you? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:52 AM Flag

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OP: are opinions a bad thing. I get flamed all the time, in general, not personally b/c my child's allergy is viewed as a nuisance to other kids, the school, etc. Schools make accommodations for children with learning disabilities, why wouldn't they be more proactive in make accommodations and sometimes excluding a child with an allergy. It's not his fault. The poor kid cries at home saying he wishes he could eat/do the same thing as other children. It's hard. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:56 AM Flag

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Seriously [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:24 AM Flag

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how old is your son? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:55 AM Flag

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OP: 7, almost 8. 2nd grade. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:57 AM Flag

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he is old enough to be his own advocate. don't assume other people will be attentive or responsible. If it's that serious an issue, you need to teach him to look out for himself and his health. You can try all you want with the school, but no one will ever care as much as he should, so working with him to take personal responsibility is the way I would approach it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:58 AM Flag

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^^for example, he could have read the wrapper to see that the cookie had peanuts in it and said to the teacher, no thanks, I can't have peanuts. A few instances of that, and she'll be more careful. He's got to help people help him. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:01 AM Flag

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OP: He DIDN'T KNOW she stuck it in his bag event though we've told her a kazillion times, never to give him any food. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:58 AM Flag

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What kind of teacher sneaks food into kids backpacks when they aren't looking? I think that's a weird teacher in general, knowledge about peanuts aside. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:31 PM Flag

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OP: He absolutely does but like with any allergy (food, bee, etc), someone needs to be able to take charge in an emergency, give him his epi-pen (which is easy and won't hurt him if given by mistake) and call 911. If he's going into anaphylactic shock on the floor, he can't do any of that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:02 AM Flag

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Then focus on that. Pick your battles. The things he can deal with (e.g., the cookie), teach him how to deal with it and then let him deal with it. You've got to start teaching him how to live with an allergy like this. For example: he never should have come home with the cookie in the first place, and HE should have been the one to screen it out if the teacher failed. Focus on getting the school ready for a TRUE emergency and let the other stuff go. You are not going to change the entire culture of a school, and you're just going to come across like a PITA if you try. Focus on the things that really matter (e.g., how to handle an emergency). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:06 AM Flag

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OP: the teacher put it in his bag at end of day. MY ex-DH found it. My DS had no idea it was in there. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:34 AM Flag

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Fine, so call to remind her. He knows better than to eat it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:37 AM Flag

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There is absolutely no chance a 2nd grader is old enough to be their own advocate for a life and death situation. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:45 AM Flag

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I am so, so sorry. I feel terrible for parents that have to deal with such severe allergies and are constantly in a state of panic. I feel equally terrible for the poor children who have no control over this. I would never flame a parent for being extremely concerned and protective in this type of situation. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 10:59 AM Flag

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OP: thank you...I appreciate your kind words [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:20 AM Flag

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Here's more chica...hugs to you from another allergy mom (late signing on to ths post). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:47 AM Flag

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You should probably keep your kid in a bubble if his allergy is so sever. If my kid had cancer or another immune disorder where he was at risk from colds, I'd keep him home. Same thing. Signed mom that has lived an entire lifetime with a peanut allergy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:01 AM Flag

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what number is yours? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:03 AM Flag

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OP: Ugg. So hard. Number meaning blood levels? My son's is over 100. Allergist unable to measure b/c he's considered off the charts. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:21 AM Flag

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At 8 your child should be able to help you and the other adults keep him safe. Is it fair to put that responsiblity on a child? No. But life isn't fair. Just teach him what he needs to know. And try to educate the teachers. He has an idiot this year, maybe a good one next year and then an idiot again - the important thing is that you and your son do what you can to keep him alive. If you cannot in your heart of hearts feel confident that he won't die in public school - then consider homeschooling until he is old enough to fend for himself. Best of luck to both of you! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:03 AM Flag

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OP: Thank you. He's great at keeping himself safe - he knows how dangerous his allergy is. I wouldn't homeschool for various reasons but main one - I'm divorced and need to work to support my DC (plus I would be a terrible teacher!). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:23 AM Flag

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Absolute baloney. At 8, do kids walk home from school alone? Maybe some places. but my kids' school won't dismiss kids alone til 6th grade. Similarly, 8 is not old enough to police himself with foods, in a dangerous environment among ignorant, and often mean spirited people. Rock on chica. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:49 AM Flag

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I'm really sorry you're going through this--I can commiserate. My ds is 19 years old and a sophomore in college (living away). Yes, it is very stressful and you may not find support in educational settings as you're finding. We met with school officials and all teachers at the beginning of every year through elementary school. We gave a short presentation about the severity of allergies (the Food Allergy Network--a fantastic group!--have a video you can lend teachers so they understand you're not making up the seriousness of it)and gave a demonstration of the epipen (I assume your child has been prescribed one). At home our ds was taught since toddlerhood not to eat anything we had not approved. You just can't realisitically expect everyone who comes into your child's world to know/remember/really understand this. Your child is old enough to bring home things to show you. I've never received negativity from any parents partly b/c we never asked for accomodations that would affect their child. My ds was fine in the school eating his own lunches, at parties I'd send his own candy/treats and b'day parties similarly. If there are any q's you'd like help with--let me know. My ds has grown up to be a totally responsible young man and although it is frustrating for him (he is also deathly allergic to milk & eggs) he doesn't let it stop him. He is even studying abroad next semester (gasp!) and I'll just have to let him go. GL! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:06 AM Flag

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OP: you are right. We are having FAAN come in to do a presentation to the school staff. We, too, meet with teacher, etc at least a couple times a year. We sent big posters to school to be placed in his classroom and art room, gym, etc. that outline symptoms of a someone going into shock as well as administration of an epi-pen. The list goes on and on. It's just shocking that some people still don't get it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:26 AM Flag

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Awesome idea! I should have done that too. here is one idea that our family does. Mind you, we are a VERY silly family. We role play. It's almost like a competition , who can be the most ridiculous , we stage mock emergencies. We use an expired epi pen and an orange as the victim. We take turns playing the ignorant teacher "oh this cookie should be ok..", etc. And of course our allergic child always gets to be the hero! We have a lot of laughs and it helps us to maintain practice of the protocol (this part, we don't eff around with), should an emergency arise. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:52 AM Flag

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My dc is in a public school K and there's a para assigned to a dc in the class due to severe food allergy. Did your dc have that? I assume it was mandated by the DOE. Does that stop for 2nd grade? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:07 AM Flag

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This. Does he have a para? This seems like a reasonable accomodation. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:24 AM Flag

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OP: No way! No, his school does not have that. Where do you live? I'm in CT. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:27 AM Flag

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His school does have that, you may have to push, though! It's like any other disability. You need to get an IEP. If they were not forthcoming that such help was available, and they deny your request, you may need to hire a lawyer to represent you. If you win, they pay your costs (and for the para). Get out there and fight lady :) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:30 AM Flag

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OP: We were thinking of getting lawyers anyway b/c the school has been so difficult. I'm definitely looking into the para thing. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:33 AM Flag

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Even the threat of a lawyer may work. And you can insert other reasonable accommodations on the school's part too. I'm sorry you are going through this! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:37 AM Flag

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One of my BF's DC has severe nut and egg allergy. They live in France. The child is not allowed by the school to take any meals on the school grounds. My friend works and has to have someone pick up the child, ring her home for lunch, etc. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:20 AM Flag

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OP: wow. That's crazy. I understand but our stupid school encourages classes to have parties/celebrations throughout year for whatever occasion and these events always involve food so even if he left for lunch (he sits at the peanut free table now), there's still snack time, exposure to kids who have food in their classrooms, etc. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:29 AM Flag

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In our school the parents receive a list of allergies for the kids class (not by kid just the allergies) and parents are asked to plan what they send in accordingly, obviously, with such a severe condition I would unfortunately opt out of everything but his own food. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:04 PM Flag

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My dc's pre-school was a nut-free school so it was kind of shocking to me that their public is not. I had no problem refraining from sending nut products to school and even now I don't send peanut products with them because I cannot even fathom the thought of my kid's lunch accidentally killing a classmate. We found Sunflower Seed Butter a yummy alternative to nut butters and my kids actually prefer it to peanut butter. (Trader Joe's makes a good one). I also have a soon-to-be 3-year-old w/an egg allergy. Even at a very young age, she always asks "does it have egg in it" before accepting any food from anyone (even from us!). by 2nd grade your dc should simply follow the protocol of NEVER EVER EAT ANYTHING unless it is packed by you or the package says "nut free." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:25 AM Flag

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OP: Why can't every parent be like you! Yes, i was shocked when my kids entered school (public in CT) as their pre-schools were completely nut free and not one parent complained. My DS has known since he was a tot never to accept any food, too. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:30 AM Flag

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My ds has celiac and we've had to work with his school (including the teacher, the nurse, asst principals, gym coaches, and the principal herself) to figure out a way for him to be safe in class. And even after all that he still comes home sometimes with gluten in his bag. And that's not immediately life threatening, so I can't even imagine what you must be going through. All I can say is keep it up, be persistent, don't take no for an answer, provide as much educational materials as you can, and stay on top of it. GL. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:25 AM Flag

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You speak of avoiding liability but you realize that this is the very reason you are encountering so much resistance. No one wants to be resposible for giving the epi pen. I can't think of many things more wasteful than having a para sit at a childs side "just in case". I am sorry this is so difficult for you and you are not alone. If teachers were exempt from liability under the good samaritan type law then there would be far less resistance. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:30 AM Flag

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OP: I'd rather have someone use an epi-pen (which will not hurt him) then not. We told the school this. If we got a call from the school and were told that our DS was just given 2 injections b/c they thought he was exposed to peanuts, I would be grateful. Better than having him die. Now that is a MAJOR liability. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:36 AM Flag

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OP: Celiac is so hard. Goodness. You're absolutely right though, it's all about education. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:31 AM Flag

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I posted previously. Having read some of your updated responses, you now sound like a HUMONGOUS PITA. All you really want is for people to come on here and tell you how hard your life is, that the school and teachers are terrible, etc. With some care and common sense, your child will be fine. Please stop being a drama queen. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:33 AM Flag

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Maybe what she actually wants is for her kid's life to not be put in danger every day. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:35 AM Flag

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Really? That never occurred to me. Don't be silly. There are steps she can take, and steps she shoudl take. But reading her responses, it is clear that OP has a very entitled attitude and basically seems to think that the teachers are stupid or negligent or both. Newsflash: public schools are only legally required to make REASONABLE accommodations. Not to restructure their whole culture to accommodate one child. She would be better off working in a cooperative fashion rather than treating everyone as if they were stupid, which will get her nowhere. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:40 AM Flag

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OP: Umm, actually, this was our attitude when my DS started school, but after being hit with roadblock after roadblock and stupid decisions AFTER our requests, what else are we to think? What would you do if a teacher refused to get pizza for the class from a place we recommended and also volunteered to pay for? Not a very compassionate (or maybe stupid?) teacher. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:46 AM Flag

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Celiac mom here again: We review everything they use in class and also pay for anything that needs to be substituted. For example, some clays have gluten in them so we bought clay for the whole class that was gluten free. That helps the school want to help you because the schools are strapped for cash so they're happy to have a family that pays for supplies for everyone. And that makes it easier all around. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:58 AM Flag

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OP: We do that, but it eventually becomes pretty expensive as the school insists on letting classes have a party like every other month. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:03 PM Flag

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Believe me, I know. At least with celiac our son can be around gluten and even touch it as long as he doesn't ingest it. So we don't have to pay for food for every kid, we just make sure he has a reasonable substitute for whatever's being eaten that day. You have it harder. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:08 PM Flag

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You think you should be able to dictate how often the school has parties? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:29 PM Flag

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Keeping kids away from peanuts is reasonable. It's not like there's a culture of peanuts that has to be restructured. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:01 PM Flag

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How is her child being put in danger? A cookie didnt hurt him because he didnt eat it. He knows not to eat food other people give him. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:46 AM Flag

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It still put him in danger, moron. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:55 AM Flag

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How? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:05 PM Flag

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Uhhhh..........if I put a loaded gun in his bookbag is he not in danger until he picks it up and pulls the trigger? That cookie is basically a loaded gun. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:17 PM Flag

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OP: thank you [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:19 PM Flag

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It was wrapped up and he knows not to eat it. A loaded gun could go off and shoot someone without ever leaving his backpack. The cookie would have to be removed, unwrapped, and eaten to cause him harm. Not the same at all. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:28 PM Flag

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NP Still, in OP's defense, if a kid with a nut allergy is around a pb cookie it can feel pretty nerve-wracking. Um, spelling? Nervewracking? Nerveracking? Argh. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 05:06 PM Flag

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the teacher should not have given the kid with a nut allergy a cookie in his backpack. but calling it a loaded gun is extreme and the kind of thing that makes people stop listening. a cookie in his backpack could not have killed him. eating the cookie could have. that's a huge difference. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 06:01 PM Flag

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I know! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 06:10 PM Flag

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Are you kidding? He could drop the backpack with his notebook on top of the cookie. It crumbles, through the wrapper. Now there are crumbs on his notebook, his pen. He starts his homework. He bites his pen. Gonzo. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:59 AM Flag

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ding ding ding! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:57 AM Flag

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If she conducts herself IRL like she's conducting herself on this thread, hate to say it, but she's probably making her child LESS safe. It's just human nature - when someone evokes that feeling of eye-rolling exasperation, it makes you NOT want to comply with their requests, even the ones you know are reasonable. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:50 AM Flag

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OP: Well if a school feels the need for eye-rolling exasperation, why are they involved in educating elementary school children? And if they don't comply, guess what? They get sued. So if they want to make it less safe for my son, then they will face the music. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:57 AM Flag

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I'm just saying I am really, really sympathetic to my friends IRL who have allergies or allergic children. Yet your posts are making me want to run out, purchase peanut containing products and stick them in your DS's backpack. Just to piss you off. Creating that reaction in people does not help your child. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:02 PM Flag

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She is nowhere close to that bad. You have issues. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:59 AM Flag

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Don't believe your own hype, OP. You can sue them all you want, but if what they've done is reasonable (and TRUST ME, they have consulted their lawyers on this given your hysteria), they will avoid all liability. You need a lawyer, and suggest you get one before something unfortunate happens that is nonetheless the result of a reasonable approach to handling his allergy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:18 PM Flag

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The eye-rolling typically comes after the school has not complied, not before. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:59 AM Flag

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OP: I'm not. If your child could die within minutes, I'm sure you wouldn't feel the same way. It's pretty serious when his renown allergist at Yale will not do a challenge test (forced exposure to peanuts) b/c he would probably die in the ICU due to anaphylactic shock. As in, even the Drs couldn't save him. I don't view that as drama. Do you? I view your reaction as ignorance. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:39 AM Flag

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Read my post above. YOU are the one taking a risk by sending him to public school where they are NOT -- repeat: NOT -- required to do all that you would like. They only have to make a reasonable accommodation. If he's too fragile even for that, then public school is not the right place for him because there is a very definitive gap between "reasonable accommodation" and your very high standards. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:42 AM Flag

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OP: actually the school receives state and federal money and under section 504, the school is REQUIRED to make accommodations for children with disabilities (whether is allergy related, diabetes, autism, dyslexia, etc.). Our standards are not 'high'. What would be your solution? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:44 AM Flag

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They are required to make REASONABLE accommodations, not just accommodations. That's a key word you left out. I said above what I would do -- hire a lawyer to explain exactly the parameters of "reasonable accommodation" and if that's not enough for you, then you need to change schools. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:45 AM Flag

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Avoiding peanuts is reasonable. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:06 PM Flag

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Sure, but that's not all OP wants. Ideally, she wants a peanut-free school, which may not be reasonable. Only a lawyer can tell her that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:07 PM Flag

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Allergy mom here. I do not believe in peanut free schools. As it has been pointed out before, you can't control everything that goes on before school, if kids are coming in with residue, etc. It is my opinion that a peanut free school cannot be enforced (whether it should or shouldn't be is another debate). However, steps CAN be taken to make a classroom a safe environment for a severely allergic kid. Limiting the food orgies that take place in class would be one way. Education and personnel would be another. A little senstivity would go a long way too. best of luck OP, I am pulling for you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 07:03 AM Flag

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^^what you really need to do is get a lawyer who can explore the parameters of reasonable accommodation and see what can be done. If that's not enough for you, then you'll have no choice except to find another place to educate him. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:44 AM Flag

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OP: "The Section 504 regulations require a school district to provide a "free appropriate public education" (FAPE) to each qualified student with a disability who is in the school district's jurisdiction, regardless of the nature or severity of the disability. Under Section 504, FAPE consists of the provision of regular or special education and related aids and services designed to meet the student's individual educational needs as adequately as the needs of nondisabled students are met." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:48 AM Flag

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Lady, no need to quote a summary of the law to me. I am a lawyer. I am telling you that the standard is REASONABLE accommodation -- not perfect accommodation. You can fight with me and others on UB or you can get a lawyer to figure out what exactly a reasonable accommodation means in your particular jurisdiction. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:51 AM Flag

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OP: not fighting lady and no need to be so rude. Are you really a mother? I would think a mother would be sympathetic - just looking for some advice, thoughts and support. No idea you were a lawyer. I was educating...isn't that the point of all these posts? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:54 AM Flag

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I gave you thoughts, advice, and support: GET A LAWYER. You really have no idea what you're talking about on some of these things (e.g., go ahead and give him the epi pen even if you think he might not need it -- that is insane and no one in their right mind is going to do that for liability reasons). Given that, I'm not exactly sure what you think you're educating everyone about. In fact, you quoted the law completely wrong -- the school is not required to make "accommodations" generally speaking, only reasonable ones. So if you're educating then you are educating INCORRECTLY. Talk to someone who can really help you figure out your rights in this area. You can come on UB and try to get people to commiserate all you want, but that is NOT going to solve your problem. You need a lawyer. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, it's that I really have little tolerance for people who have a really developed sense of entitlement when their rights are far from clear to them in the first place. Get a lawyer. It's the nicest thing I can possibly say to you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:00 PM Flag

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^^ but that is NOT going to solve your problem. You need a lawyer. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, it's that I really have little tolerance for people who have a really developed sense of entitlement when their rights are far from clear to them in the first place. Get a lawyer. It's the nicest thing I can possibly say to you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:06 PM Flag

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OP; You are totally misinterpreting my thoughts. It's not entitlement. Entitlement is expecting my child to make the lax team re: of his skill level b/c I'm the coach. Entitlement is expecting my child to get into the coveted private school b/c I am who I am. Entitlement is way different than concern. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:12 PM Flag

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entitlement is also demanding that you have things to which you are NOT ENTITLED. You need a lawyer. Period. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:16 PM Flag

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OP: actually that wasn't my quote - it's directly from U.S. Dept of Education. http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/504faq.html [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:21 PM Flag

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It doesn't change the legal standard, love. If you had a lawyer, they would tell you that. You are not a lawyer. Playing one on UB doesn't count. You need a REAL LAWYER to advise you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:23 PM Flag

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No, you sound that way. She's rational and afraid for her child's safety. Nothing she said is outrageous from what I've read. Stir the pot all you want--you're a sad individual that gets thrilled by negativity spewed your way. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:19 PM Flag

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Not really. But think whatever you want. I'm trying to help OP. She doesn't want help. She wants to complain. But I guess that's what people like you are on UB for. Go ahead -- you two have at it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:34 PM Flag

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I'm not complaining--I have a 19 year old and believe me I could have complained all I wanted to, but chose not to or else I'd be accused of being a hysterical anti-allergen crusader. The level of complaints here on UB about non-life threatening issues is so overwrought anyway, I don't know why you even participate. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:17 PM Flag

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Because I had something constructive to offer. Repeatedly. She's not listening, so whatev. She can do what she wants. Her dc. Not what I would do (and I would have had better results by now), but given that it's her dc, it's her call. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:38 PM Flag

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it's ON bitches! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 06:55 AM Flag

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Your child knows not to eat food someone else offers. Other than eating something, what could cause him harm? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:37 AM Flag

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OP: Someone could have had a peanut butter sandwich at lunch, didn't wash his/her hands, came into classroom and touched crayons/pencils/ruler and my son then touches any one of those things. Someone could have something peanut related food in their snack and the teacher didn't wash down tables after snack. The list goes on and on. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:42 AM Flag

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OR from above: this may not, in fact, be reasonable. You need a lawyer. It's the only way you're going to be able to figure out if your legal rights match your desires. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 11:47 AM Flag

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How does he function in the real world? My dc could have not washed all the peanut butter off his hands and then touched a store door handle, escallator rail, or library book. Can your child go to public places at all? Its a serious question, not being snarky. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:00 PM Flag

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OP: You have a good point and of course it's a risk, but we're always with him on public outings and if he's with someone else, we teach that person how to use the epi-pen and then instruct to call 911. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:05 PM Flag

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Do you have a link to documented cases of severe reactions from touching something with residual peanut oil in it? Maybe it would help ub readers and the school to understand [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:16 PM Flag

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That doesn't mean they have some sort of legal liability to go around wiping down all door handles. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:19 PM Flag

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Of course not. But I've never heard of an incident like that so I wonder if its a valid concern. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:33 PM Flag

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This is the thing with OP. She conjectures all these possible scenarios and has no idea whether it's something the school should or even could be required to do. It's just insanity. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:35 PM Flag

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You said above that an epi-pen would probably not work. That if he were tested, even the doctors couldn't save him from the test reaction. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:35 PM Flag

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np, a kid could have had a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast (my kids often do) and not have washed their hands before going into the classroom. you (and the school) can only protect your son so much. I'm sorry, I think it would be absolutely horrible to be so frightened for my child on a daily basis, but you need to let go of some of your bitterness and nastyness. you need a different approach, even if it's sending your kid to a diff school. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:01 PM Flag

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OP: I'm not nasty and bitter, just confounded by the lack of judgement. My approach has always been one of diplomacy whereas my ex-DH is aggressive. We are our child's best advocate and it's our responsibility to ensure his safety and well being w/o making him feel excluded. Think about the psychological burden associated with an allergy that can kill you and that you won't grow out of...and knowing all this since the age of 3. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:09 PM Flag

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OMG, getting so sick of you. Get off UB and get a lawyer. We cannot solve your problems here. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:10 PM Flag

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^^and no, you are not your child's best advocate because he is not the typical or average child in this situation. You need expert advice and help, which no one on here is qualified to give you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:11 PM Flag

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OP; Right, thx for the recommendation. Why don't you get off UB b/c your attitude is toxic and annoying...is this how you act outside of an anonymous env't? I often find that anonymous env'ts make people who don't normally have a powerful voice vengeful, mean loudmouths. All I did was ask a simple question re: peanut allergies as so many kids have them in this day of age and you freak out in obnoxious fashion. It's people like you that I encounter at every turn. Do you think I enjoy having to deal with a peanut allergy? The answer is no. Do I have to deal with it? Yes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:19 PM Flag

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You reap what you sow. Remember that. That is why you're not getting the results you want because you bring out a lot of impatience with your attitude, assuming this is how you are IRL. I have a very powerful voice IRL and, believe it or not, I'm really trying to help you. But I see now that I was wrong -- you don't really want a solution. You just want to complain. Gotcha. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:21 PM Flag

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OP: OK, once again thx for your analysis. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:34 PM Flag

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you sound like a complete alarmest and you're going to give your kid a twitch. relax. assess the problem. be proactive and smart. prepare your child for the real world. your poor kid, not only does he have to deal with a potentially life threatening peanut alergy, but he needs to listen to your daily hesterics. calm down lady and stop thinking you're the only person in this world with a serious problem. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:27 PM Flag

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OP: Actually the last thing we do is act in 'alarmist' fashion around him - this is the absolute last thing he needs. I'm not a moron. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:33 PM Flag

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Some of us might take issue with that statement ;o) Seriously, if my kid were so sensitive to something that even coming into contact wtih a door handle touched by someone else could KILL HIM, I would have seen a lawyer in less time than it took for this thread to develop. Yet the kid is nearly 8 and you've never done that. Which is just totally negligent, imo. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:37 PM Flag

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If this is your idea of "diplomacy" and "asking a simple question", it's pretty easy to see why you're having issues. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:29 PM Flag

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OP: well when people start attacking you for an issue that concerns a child and potential death, it's hard not to defend your views. Would you agree? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:34 PM Flag

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You came out already swinging. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:35 PM Flag

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FTR--no she didn't. OK-you are they type of person that can't handle real serious situations so you get defensive about someone who might have a real issue. Go back to talking about ERB's and Birkin bags and let the real grownups discuss in peace. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:19 PM Flag

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Hi OP! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:22 PM Flag

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Oh, please. Some of us have been giving serious, solid advice to OP and she ignores it. Real grownups get tired saying the same thing over and over again to people who do not listen. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:25 PM Flag

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NP So if my kid eats a snack of peanuts on the way to school it's my responsibility to make sure that he washes every speck of it off of him? I understand that your child could die, but this is wayyyy too much to put on the rest of the world. What are you going to do about college? What is your son going to do when he enters the workplace? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 05:49 PM Flag

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So your DS has fatal allergy, you find his school to be clueless and negligent, you lie awake in fear every night that the next day he'll wind up dead on the classroom floor, BUT YET you pack him off to school every day, just hoping it will all work out for the best? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:39 PM Flag

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Right? Really makes you wonder who is being negligent, here. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 12:40 PM Flag

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OK, in her defense, what's she suppose to do? what would you do? she can't afford a special private. maybe she HAS to work and can't just stay home and home school. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:28 PM Flag

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She can get a lawyer. It's a matter of life and death for her dc. Seems like the very least she can do and would be a much better use of her considerable energy on this matter. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:31 PM Flag

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get a lawyer for what??? sue the school for what??? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:45 PM Flag

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You need to read the whole thread if you're going to weigh in. OP is the one talking about suing the school. Others are advising her to get a lawyer to advise her on what kinds of reasonable accommodations she can expect the school to implement under applicable statutes and regulations. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:48 PM Flag

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The kid has to have a normal life also, not stay in a bubble. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:39 PM Flag

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OP I really feel for you, I'm sorry that there are people on her giving you a hard time, I have no idea what your life must be like, I don't think I could let my son out of my sight, but I understand that he would have to have a normal life. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 01:38 PM Flag

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No offense, but why not just homeschool? then you wouldn't have to be tortured with fear and worry all the time. seems like a no-brainer. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:20 PM Flag

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I was thinking the same thing, If she can't homeschool herself there are lots of homeschool coops she could have joined. I also wonder if she even tried for a private. She may have received FA or some other means of financing a nut free school. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:42 PM Flag

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OP sounds a little wacky. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:22 PM Flag

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OP needs to see a Psyc and I am not joking or being snarky. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:55 PM Flag

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NP Mom with a kid with food allergies here. I have to say, guys, it can make you feel really crazy and scared. It is a bizarre and scary experience for your child to be surrounded by the thing that can hurt him/her and yet 99% of the population is fine with it and even thrives/enjoys it. Imagine sitting next to a big ole' bowl of anthrax or something. It really can make even a calm mom freak out! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 05:09 PM Flag

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Well put. Food allergy mom here , I'm not nearly as eloquent. brava. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.13.11, 07:08 AM Flag

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Guess what DH survived school back in the 70's & 80's with fatal nut allergies. His parents taught him to not eat from strangers and everyone around him knew how to use an epipen. We still carry one and end up using it once a year on average. His allergies are so severe that if a utensil touches a nut and is not properly cleaned his throat closes up instantly. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:45 PM Flag

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NP: OP needs to regain her perspective. Her DC is 7 YO, she should be worrying less now that he has a clue about how to protect himself. She's fixating on his allergy to an unhealthy degree. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:47 PM Flag

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OP: I agree 100% it's like she is using it to gain something for herself. I am just not sure what. At 7 her son should know better. My 5 yo knows her dad can not eat nuts and she will ask if nuts are in his food, just to double check us. It's a fact of life, you deal with it and move on. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:54 PM Flag

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NP: She's gaining attention. Just look at this post. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 02:56 PM Flag

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I think it's time to homeschool. I suspect that OP is such a fanatic that even a "peanut free" school wouldn't be good enough for her, and she would still worry. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 03:01 PM Flag

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No advice but I know it is so hard. My dd has a lot of food allergies and is in K right now. her school has been (in my opinion) GREAT with her as far as never feeding her a class treat by accident and we work hard w/her to make sure she understands not to take food, and to wash hands before eating. It is, though, a big stress and worrying to me as her mom. I hope your son is doing okay! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 03:52 PM Flag

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PRIVATE SCHOOL- LIVE OR DIE !!!!!!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 06:20 PM Flag

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I don't have any idea what you are talking about here. you are saying a private school inherently does a better job of keeping a child safe? I do not know if that is the case. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 07:20 PM Flag

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So I read most of this, if you feel there are schools that protect your child send him. I bet you can find the money if you cut way back, can you put a price on his life?????? You can never control a mass group. Kids will have PB before school on toast. Why risk it??? Yes people can try and help to some degree but this is your problem and YOUR responsibility to protect him, not mine. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 07:50 PM Flag

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By not mine, I just mean I am not going to think about your child if mine asks for peanut butter, it will not be the first thing I thing of. We are way to removed from your situation. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 04.12.11, 07:51 PM Flag

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