UrbanBaby

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Yes. And I respect that other people with their own set of life-issues would have a different perspective than me. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 06:29 AM Flag

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That's terrible. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 07:21 AM Flag

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Never had that issue. But remember at one point the thought of a woman even having the right to use birth control was criminal, literally. Now the pill and condoms are morally o.k.. At one point it was considered wrong to use fertility treatments, and many other things related to sex and reproduction. Men were band from being OBs at one time, to protect a woman's modesty. If you read an article and apply your morals - which are not necessarily representative of everyone in the world, your country or even your own state - then you are bound to feel wearied about another person's choices. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 07:41 AM Flag

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Why not? if you were only looking to have one. Personal, I would not go thru the bother and be happy with the one I already had, but that's me. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 07:53 AM Flag

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before marriage I would have had a termination without a 2nd thought but now that I'm married with dcs, I would never terminated a healthy pregnancy regardless of how many babies. I think what she did was horrible BUT she has to live with that not me [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 08:05 AM Flag

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i'm sure she sleeps quite well at night. have you ever had an abortion? because if so, who are you to judge? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 01:16 PM Flag

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you sound like if you're taking things to heart. Why did you have fertility treatments and then terminate one and pick the gender because of your dh? If not don't get offended when someone isn't talking about your situation. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 01:47 PM Flag

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i'm not offended, BUT mom. i'm just saying there are very few of us who never had abortions. in yet i don't judge. you should check yourself in the mirror before you do. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:13 PM Flag

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huh?? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:15 PM Flag

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This feels wrong to me on so many levels. I guess if you know you're not going to be the best mom you can be to a child, for whatever reason, then maybe there is some semblance of responsibility in terminating the pregnancy. But how is she going to explain this to the baby she chose to keep. She's obviously brazen enough about her decision to go public with it in a national magazine, so I can only imagine how she'll handle this conversation with db when the time comes. So sad. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 09:09 AM Flag

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I wouldn't get PG at 43 period, because of the risks to the baby, especially premature birth and stillbirth. And I wouldn't do fertility treatments. But I think that if I were the kind of person who was okay with fertility treatments then yes, I would absolutely reduce from 2 to 1. She is already high-risk at the age of 43, she's giving her fetus a better chance by not adding the risks associated with twins. I would not choose which one to reduce based on the gender, though. That's unethical. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 09:18 AM Flag

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So what would you do, then? Tell the doctor to just pick whichever one he felt like terminating? There wasn't a health risk to either fetus at the time of termination. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 09:24 AM Flag

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OR: Well, this is pretty far out there as counterfactuals go - I rarely say never, but I can pretty safely say I'll never be in this situation. I'd ask the doctor to see if either one somehow looked more promising (my understanding is that sometimes one twin is in a position to flourish better in utero). If that wasn't the case, I'd ask him to just pick one. I don't think that reducing based on gender is ever ethical. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 09:32 AM Flag

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np Just picking one sounds pretty f-ing unethical, too, imo. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 09:37 AM Flag

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OR: Yes I agree, although you could rationalize that you are helping to improve the chances of survival of an already high-risk fetus. But how can you rationalize picking the female over the male? It's a necessarily sexist decision, because gender is your only criterion. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 09:39 AM Flag

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Aside from the woman's age, there was no known risk to either fetus. When you elect to do IUI or IVF you are putting yourself at risk for multiples, so the risk was her doing, period. She chose to terminate one of the twins in order to preserve her marriage and quality of life. I don't understand how you could knowingly take a twin away from its sibling when neither fetus has been shown to be at risk. And leaving it up to the doctor doesn't seem that much more ethical either. "Lucky for you, the doctor terminated your sibling." Please...it's a ridiculous argument. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 09:51 AM Flag

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OR: Well, I would never elect to do IUI or IVF, as I explained in my first post. If I were the kind of person who would do it, I would already be in the realm of interventionist reproduction. I'm trying to look at the decision from the perspective of someone who is okay with that kind of reproduction. From that perspective, reduction would be just another medical step you take to get a better chance of one healthy DC. But choosing according to the gender is about a gender preference, and therefore sexism. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:05 AM Flag

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I got pg at 42 = easy breezy pregnancy even though I did treatments - got pg with iui. I had no risk of premature birth don't know where you heard that - there is an increased risk of chormosomal abnormalities but that can be tested for with a cvs early on - which I did [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:14 AM Flag

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OR: I'm surprised your doctor wouldn't have mentioned this to you at the time. It's very well known. You could check out the March of Dimes website or someplace like that if you don't want to take my word for it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:16 AM Flag

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I had no problems - no high blood pressure no bed rest - nothing was abnormal just because of my age. I had no issues but my baby didn't want to come out. I got induced at 41 weeks [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:22 AM Flag

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OR: I'm glad you had a healthy pregnancy. I wasn't talking about yours in particular, but generally about the statistics for pregnant women over 40. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:31 AM Flag

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lots of my friends had pregnancies that late but for the cvs nobody worried about still birth. The only person I know who had one was 28 [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:39 AM Flag

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how is it unethical? how is any different than flipping a coin? one will die and one won't. if you are ok with that you can't judge about the gender. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:16 PM Flag

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I thought about it but decided I wouldn't do it. I would have reduced triplets to one though. As for knowing the sex - well I may have done that too if I had done pgd. My friend had her embryos tested for a certain disease so knew the sex - she put back one of each and knew before hand. I try not to judge others. Carrying twins would have been very difficult for me an dI'm happy I didn't have them [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:12 AM Flag

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it doesn't bother me. abortion is abortion no matter what your reasons. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 10:17 AM Flag

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I wouldn't. Couldn't imagine being so clinical about it. If I felt twins would be too much for my family, I wouldn't have the treatments to begin with. It would be very different if one was not viable or if having so many (3+) would hurt the chances of the more viable babies. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 11:38 AM Flag

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Ditto. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 12:47 PM Flag

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how is this any different from accidentally getting knocked up at age 16? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 01:13 PM Flag

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I don't think that these women actually exist. I think women's magazines fabricate these women so that other women can feel superior to them. Our child is the result of a donor egg/husband's sperm. I have never, ever read a balanced article in a woman's magazine about donor eggs. Every single one makes the Donor Recipient Moms sound like some Nanny Diary Employer UES Bitch who was spending too much time getting Botoxed to notice her eggs had expired, and every donor egg producer sound like some poor, disadvantaged young woman who was forced into donating her eggs at great risk to herself. I'm just an average professional woman who found the man she wanted to marry later in life, went through years of infertility treatments unsuccessfully, found a terrific clinic, an egg donor who needed funds to finance her doctorate. That doesn't make for controversy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:11 PM Flag

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you have a chip on your shoulder. i'm quite sure the writer of that article exists. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:18 PM Flag

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Here's the point: These articles aren't about balance, these articles are about inciting controversy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:46 PM Flag

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um, it's a first-person story. there's no "balance" because it's her experience. the point is, you know nothing about journalism, elle magazine--anything beyond your own little bubble. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 05:04 PM Flag

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Another perspective: I've found as I've aged that I am much more honest about who I am and what I can do well. When you are in your 30s (or earlier), you imagine you have boundless energy and resources. When you are in your 40s, you know that you have neither. Perhaps the subject of the article is brutally honest with herself and she knows what she can do well. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:47 PM Flag

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np Then she shouldn't have undergone fertility treatment. Fwiw, I'm 41 and pg with #3. WAY more energetic than when I was pg with #1 at 32. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:51 PM Flag

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That's you. I'd much rather someone do a great job with one, than a bad job with two. My brother's wife thought two was the perfect family size. She is stressed, angry and sometimes violent. She can't handle two, and she shouldn't have given in to all those people who told her what she should do. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 02:59 PM Flag

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who are you to judge? again, have you ever had an abortion? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 05:05 PM Flag

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ha-ha! just wait! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 05:05 PM Flag

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nice for someone who was able to get pregnant naturally at 41 to judge those who couldn't. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 05:06 PM Flag

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op here- i completely respect and support a woman's choice to abortion and i understand and respect that the woman in the story was being brutally honest with herself and what her family could handle. however, i think that in this case it is a little different than having an early abortion because you accidentally got pregnant and your family can't handle another baby. in this case she actively got pregnant with treatment that she knowingly carried a risk for multiples. it would have been more responsible of her to perhaps not even undergo fertility treatments knowing the risk if she and her husband were so adamantly against multiples. she had a cvs which revealed the twins were both perfectly healthy, and because she already had a son choice to terminate the boy and have the girl. something about that whole situation just seems unethical to me...i just couldn't sleep at night knowing that i terminated my daughter's perfectly healthy twin brother [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 05:03 PM Flag

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i meant chose not choice.. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 05:08 PM Flag

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ita [ Reply | More

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General Topics 08.01.10, 07:45 PM Flag

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