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  • [-]need an external view. Divorced - single mom of a 5 year old. Since divorced in 2 serious relationships and both ended. What am I doing wrong? I guess the wrong men for me? successful, hardworking powerful woman...I guess I need to find an older man??? Not sure if I'm up for that?

    18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    08.22.09, 03:38 PM [ Flag ]
    • you didnt say how long the relationships lasted and why but no matter how great you might be and how great the guy is--you have a 5 year old. you are a package deal..........not sure what to say without more info...

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      08.22.09, 03:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I am 31. I was with my ex husband for 9 years. after this had very serious relationship (was going to get married/were together 8 monthts) guy was 32 I was30. this last one 1.5 years. Guy is 31.

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        08.22.09, 03:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • sorry but 8 months does not a serious relationship make! Personally it sounds like you want a relationship more than you want it to be with the right man. Try to just enjoy dating take your time and see what develops.

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          08.23.09, 05:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • how old are you and how old were your boyfriends? did you see the end coming?

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      08.22.09, 03:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • for the first one after divorced - did not see the end coming at all. this last one yes unfortunently...the guy is a good guy but I am too powerful...this I think is the problem in all my past relationships - I am too powerful (make more money, busy, hard working etc)(

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        08.22.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • the guy is a good guy but you are too powerful....are you kidding me? money and power certainly do not define love. Did it occur to you that probably you are a little too self centered? just a thought.

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          08.22.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Watching post...Kinda in the same boat. My dd is 2 1/2 and I'm a sahm. Haven't tried dating yet.

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      08.22.09, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • You do not go into a relationship expecting marriage and happy endings. Great if it happens, but make your life great without any man

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      08.22.09, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I guess...Im pretty serious about wanting to get remarried and more kids though...I guess you are right.

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        08.22.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • You might not have done anything wrong. Some relationships are best if of limited duration.

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      08.22.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • yeah but Im worried that the rest of my life is going to be like this - short stints with many men which is not what I want...I would like a life long partner

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        08.22.09, 03:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • make your life without a man. If one fits in- that's great. Otherwise you will drag db through wrong relationships

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          08.22.09, 04:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • You don't need to find an older man, you need to find the right man. Some men, regardless of age, are not attracted to powerful women. Also, the fact that you have been divorced will lead some men to wonder whether your "powerful" trait was a factor in your splitting up, and whether it could happen to them. And then there's the dc, which is an additional handicap, if you will. This is not to say the right guy isn't out there for you. But he will be harder to find--the pool is smaller.

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      08.22.09, 04:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • theres a great book, a classic really in terms of self-help. "It's called keeping the love you find" By Harville Hendrix. It talks about how we keep making the same mistakes in every relationship and that this is more intentional than we think. There is a pattern here and you work through breaking the cycle of failed relationships by uncovering the pattern.

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      08.22.09, 04:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I've always found that love finds you when you stop hunting for it. Enjoy your life, pursue hobbies you like and you will find someone who is right for you.

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      08.23.09, 05:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • sign on to one of the online dating matches and you may just find someone who is well matched with a successful, hardworking powerful woman, as you describe yourself to be.

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      08.23.09, 05:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]dd is 3 and going to be in the 3s program so I am assuming child is the same. Should I be concerned that too much attention will be given to the disabled child and other kids will be distracted? I am a compassionate person but it concerns me that parent choose a school with no special education.

    21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    08.22.09, 09:22 AM [ Flag ]
    • I can't believe I am even engaging you in a conversation. You didn't need to start a new thread, just give update on the old. I suspect you will "prepare" your three year old as you live your life, completely selfish, ignorant and without the compassion you shout you have.

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      08.22.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I am not selfish at all. I was very sad when I got the news and I am concerned how this child will feel among the other kids especially during play time/trips. Shouldn't this child also have special education? It is a legitimate question.

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        08.22.09, 09:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • sure you are.... I'm sure she will be getting special services but she should be in a regular classroom, why shouldn't she?

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          08.22.09, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • your assumption that she will feel anything other than "normal" speaks volumes about you. she's 3 years old for crying out loud!

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            08.22.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • no need for insults.

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        08.22.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • wow, I wasn't expecting that. You should be thrilled that your 3yo will be exposed to a child with disabilities as this is an opportunity to expand her horizons and help her develop empathy and compassion. 3yos are amazingly compassionate and non-judgmental and this will be great for her. maybe she can teacher her mother something....

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      08.22.09, 09:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • IMO, the opportunity for a 3 yo to experience as much diversity as early in education as possible is a huge plus. This would include kids or different races, religions, family structure (1 & 2 parent and same sex parents) and disabilities. They'll learn that everyone has strengths and weeknesses and its possible to be friends with someone who isn't like you. Of course, I plan to send my kid to public K so I'm not worried about how much formal education they get at 3 and 4 since there's no need to take ERBs.

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      08.22.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • the child's parents didn't choose a special ed school b/c the child is not learning disabled, just handicapped. you shouldn't tell you child anything. and I guarantee that child will have a para if that child requires any special attention. The child who require special attention from the teachers are the children who aren't well behaved and who knows -- that could be your kid.

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      08.22.09, 10:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I shouldn't tell my dd anything? actually got letter ahead of time informing us of situation and asking us to explain situation to dd.

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        08.22.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • in your case, OP, don't say anything... I would honestly be frightened as to what you would tell your child (given everything you've said so far; your bias is coming through loud and clear). better to spend the energy checking yourself and your biases and assumptions. your dd will be fine.

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          08.22.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • np: I think that is odd. And personally, I would not say a word to my dc until dc asked me a question. That's like sitting dc down and saying, ok there are going to be some children in your class that are taller than you, shorter than you, smarter than you, dumber than you... Why bother? IF you feel you MUST say something to a three year old, then just say Oh look, we got your class list. There is a susie and a janie and a tom and a harry - 3 boys, 4 girls and one has a wheel chair. You are going to have so much fun!!!!

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          08.22.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • and if dd asked me why is susie in a wheel chair, I would say, let's go ask Susie. And do just that.

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            08.22.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • I would love to hear the wording of that letter. Especially the part that tells you to discuss it with your child in advance. Actually, only that part.

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          08.22.09, 10:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • My 3yo is in daycare all day long with twins, one of whom can't walk and uses a wheelchair of sorts, or often drags himself around with his upper body. My DD is bright and verbal and asks me about EVERYTHING, has made comments about her AA friend having different hair (not in a negative way), but has never remarked on this kid at all, even to note that one twin can walk and the other cannot. She does not seem to know the difference let alone care.

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          08.22.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • You are not a compassionate person, you are sick. Just because a child is disabled doesn't mean that they need to be in a 'special' class. Actually I think it is perfect to mix the two so that today's generation learns to be accepting of people who are a little different. We bring up our kids with too much focus on appearance and not finding what a person is like on the inside. It's not fair just to stick a disabled kid in a 'special' class so others aren't distracted, especially if the school has deemed him smart enough to be in a regular class.

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      08.22.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Two things, I would set up a meeting with the PSD for the first or second day of school and repeat your concerns to her as you have stated them here and I would call the parents of the child and tell them how shocked you are that they are not putting their dc in sp needs school and ask them to reconsider their decision. Might as well let everyone know exactly who you are and what they are dealig with from the get go.

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      08.22.09, 10:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Great advice. Call the other parents and say "I know you have a lot to deal with because you're dc is handicapped. I'm a nutjob and wanted you to know that I don't like her based only on her handicap."

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        08.22.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • np - I remember my dd had a disabled child in her preschool and while he had issues, they were successfully integrated into the classroom. He had a SEIT with him most of the time and it was enough that he participated as much as he could. It was an additional burden on the three teachers though because he often had to be restrained (by putting an arm around him or constantly redirecting him). Even though the kids were small and many had limited language skills, teachers helped them to understand that he had some differences, and things were largely fine each day. So don't worry about it at all - the teachers have it down.

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          08.22.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate your tone.

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            08.22.09, 11:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • np: I can't believe the responses to this thread. OP did not seem selfish at all. Her concerns are legitimate. My ds was in a class with a similar situation. Chid was very bright cognitively but was in a wheel chair and also speech was not very clear. The child had a SEIT all the time but it became a distraction for the other teachers and students especially when child had to be placed in a specific position to take part in arts class. the students were getting distracted because they wanted to see what the child was doing. As parents we were very supportive of the child and her parents but we were also concerned about the other kids in class as well. There is nothing selfish about that.

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              08.23.09, 11:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]Does anyone have experience with the agency Pro Au Pair, and any thoughts on whether it is worth the extra money for the 'professional' au pairs?

    6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    07.12.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag ]
    • What is a professional au pair? I have an au pair through cultural care.

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      07.12.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I don't know this agency, but I know APIA has it's own "au pair extraordinaire" candidates who have either been an au pair or have a degree. I imagine other agencies have an equivalent. I personally think it's realtively meaningless and would not pay extra for it.

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      07.12.09, 08:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • pro au pair looks really new, could find almost nothing about them on the net. we use aupaircare (hate to spam but you asked about a specific agency i had never heard of) and have been happy. pro is worth it if you think you need the extra qualifications, we never have felt that.

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      07.12.09, 11:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • We have the 3rd professional Au Pair thru ProAuPair for our baby girl. Christiane our first Au Pair was 26 years, had a 4 year degree as educator and worked in a kindergarten/daycare in Germany for 3 years before she came as professional Au Pair. The difference is that you get a experiaenced and mature person, who decided that childcare is her calling. If you have infants or todlers, or a special needs child, or just need someone who did not just comes here to party, a professional candidate is a great choice, and well worth your money. I view it as hiring a international Nanny for about $10 per hour, which is less then you pay for a domestic Nanny. get a Nanny

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      08.23.09, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • We had two professional Au Pairs thru ProAuPair, and we had great experience. ProAuPair is a smal agency recruiting only experienced candidates like Baby Nurses, Teacher, Educators, Occupational Therapists, mostly form German speaking countries.

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      08.23.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Professional au pairs is a great idea for families who need someone who has extensive experience and training as a childcare provider. My husband and I both work and we like to have an older au pair with a degree in childhood development and 3 years experience working in a German Kindergarten. Friends of us hired a pediatric nurse with NICU experience for their premi twins, and another family I know hired an German OT for their autistic son as professional au pairs. To us it is totaly worth the little extra cost if you look on a weekly basis and compare with domestic nanny rates.

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      08.23.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]I didn't realize until now the unfairness of allowing parents to see the OLSAT when there are younger siblings in line to take the same test. Very annoying.

    27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    08.21.09, 11:51 AM [ Flag ]
    • Unless you could photocopy it or had photgraphic memory do you think it really provides an advantage?

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      08.21.09, 11:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Sure. Look at these people saying, "Don't bother with the KTSS - it only touches on the items on the test, and the phrasing is completely different." If I had seen the OLSAT, I would know exactly how to prep my dc.

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        08.21.09, 12:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • you did see the olsat - a portion of it is given out freely as part of the application packet.

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          08.21.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • It is supposedly very different than that practice test. The only similarity from what I understand is how the questions are asked ("Move your paper down to the row that starts iwth a heart." etc)

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            08.21.09, 12:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • np: ita. they already give a practice test out and dc confirmed for me that several of the practice test items are repeated exactly on the actual test.

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        08.21.09, 12:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • i went and saw my son's OLSAT test. it is not repeated exactly just very similar and a few items were very very different. I was one of those people who bought into the KTSS thing and regret it. wish i would have hired a prep group that has done this.

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          08.21.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • Half of the people on this board must work for tutoring companies. I am not anti-tutoring per se but you do not need to spend $100/hr for 10 weeks for your DC to score a 99. There are websites out there that list the skills tested and so many workbooks and games, etc. that help teach/reinforce those concepts to your kids.

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            08.21.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • the "i went poster" sounds like subtle tutoring spam to me. they are pretty insidious about their approach.

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              08.21.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • I would agree with you in most cases (and the companies would be idiots NOT to spam here, frankly), but this woman has been posting this since the day the OLSAT results came back, so I believe her. I still don't think tutoring is necessary at all, though. If my dc can't grasp the concepts from the stuff I teach her at home, then I really don't think the citywide classroom is the place for her anyway

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                08.21.09, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • NP: Some parents just like to outsource everything. An inlaw of mine tutors for ERB prep and while I think she is a good early ed teacher, I really do not think she has any better handle of what's on the ERB or SB than most parents. She's doing the same sort of stuff with her clients that many parents do on their own.

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              08.21.09, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • NNP - I saw also and some items were absolutely verbatim. And IMO the wording and format were extremely similar to that on the practice test. But DS took it for entering 2nd grade so not sure if that affects it.

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            08.21.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • Do you mean verbatim to the DOE practice test or to the KTSS packet?

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              08.21.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • Verbatim to DOE test. KTSS is designed for entering K testers. We did it but it was much more basic than the OLSAT version he took. Still helped a lot for us in teaching him test taking and how to make good choices though.

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                08.21.09, 12:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • i am the regretful mother that posted above, not working for anyone. i just spent so much time with the KTSS pack and he missed by a few points - a 96! I could have gone with something like LL but we live right next to NEST. really thinking of hiring someone, that is all

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                  08.21.09, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • IMO if you are trying for 1st grade entry next year you need a 99 and a heck of a lot of good luck. A tutor could be worthwhile in your particular circumstance.

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                    08.21.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • GL. It's worth trying every year. FWIW we did get in to a desireable district wide with a 99 this year.

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                    08.21.09, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • Thanks

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                  08.21.09, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • UH, the DOE hands out the practice test which should be enough to prep the child. Are you suggesting that you can make a 4 year old memorize every single problem on the OLSAT?

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      08.21.09, 12:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • not op, but of course if you could photograph or memorize teh olsat when you viewed it, you could easily teach dc the correct answers. assumign dc is reasonably bright i doubt they'd forget the answers. but i doubt many people ahve the ability to memorize the test and/or photograph it.

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        08.21.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • No, I'm talking about the parents' right to request a viewing of the OLSAT after the dc takes it. The parent then knows exactly how to prep a younger sibling.

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        08.21.09, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • yeah, I read on this blog http://edgeforlife.wordpress.com/ that he saw the Olsat test and my DH and I are going to hire him for September

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          08.21.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • good for you...it is the teacher that matters...i just looked at the rest of that blog. not very credible in my opinion...why not get a private tutor...

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            08.21.09, 02:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • but it is a private tutor and imho it is not the teacher but the curriculum that counts and someone that has seen the test certainly would have the right curriculum

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              08.23.09, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • stop spammimg manhattan edge - you must be desperate for business. why dont you pay for advertising? more credible than UB for sure.

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            08.21.09, 03:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Younger siblings may have an advantage all the way through school. 7th grade chemistry teachers don't rewrite their tests every year.

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      08.21.09, 02:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • OP: do not worry, there are several versions of the test. For example my DD got retested and it was not the same test. next years version will be different. I had a long discussion with one of the G&T specialists and there are multiple versions of the test. they are not that stupid.

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        08.21.09, 02:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

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