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  • [-]I hate people who don't like to try new or culturally different food. It really tells me a lot about who they are and I lose respect for them.

    24 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    11.20.09, 08:08 AM [ Flag ]
    • Wow how retarded

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      11.20.09, 08:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • So you're telling OP she is rigid in HER thinking by calling her "retarded?" Who is close-minded in the thinking dpt. now? My retarded child is perfectly happy to try new foods. I would not be perfectly happy to meet either of you.

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        11.20.09, 09:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • OK. Because someone might be a wonderfully caring friend who constantly goes out of her way to help other people, and a lovely, intelligent, person who is fun to be around, but you know, if she's a picky eater, it's just appalling and you really should "hate" her and get her out of your life as soon as possible.

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      11.20.09, 08:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • this really tells me a lot about who you are and i have no respect for you! signed, an adventurous but non-judgmental eater

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      11.20.09, 08:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • some people have stomach issues.

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      11.20.09, 08:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • ITA. i have an awful stomach issues and have to be very careful with certain spicy, ethnic foods, especially when dining out and i generally avoid trying anything new when in public. hopefully no one is jumping to this unfair conclusion about me.

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        11.20.09, 03:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • If you re-wrote your post to be something like: "I often discover that I don't appreciate people who are always unwilling to try new foods," then I might agree with you. But I don't always feel like trying something new- sometimes I want something tried and true.

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      11.20.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Fine, might sound judgemental but I'm coming from a point of view of someone who is not American and when I offer food from my country of origin, I find that there are two different responses. Those who eagerly try and the ones who make a face and decline (or reluctantly take a teeny tiny bit). I've seen this enough all my life and have made my own very unscientific conclusion about these types of people and I'm usually right in my own very personal judgement.

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      11.20.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • curious--what culture food? i'm super open, and trying new food from different cultures is wonderful. i can't think of a single cuisine i haven't tried!

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        11.20.09, 08:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • You are correct that people who make a face or are reluctant are likely not especially adventurous people in general and may not rush into trying new things. If that's what you value, great. To me, that's way down the list -- after being a very kind and considerate person and someone with whom I'm able to have an intelligent conversation and who is generally happy and fun to be around.

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        11.20.09, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Now I would agree with you. I really enjoy when someone is adventurous or open-minded to things outside their comfort zone, and I find those who aren't to be dull, and often sheltered, but that's just my preference in friends.

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        11.20.09, 08:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I don't like to travel internationally or dine at nice restaurants with these people, and maybe don't do teh fancy dinenr parties with them as a guest, but hate is kind of a strong word-

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      11.20.09, 08:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • OP here: yes, hate was a strong word. I just had an experience from the night before that had me a bit incensed and confirming strongly what I feel about people unwilling to try new food. I find this person incredibly boring and closed minded to begin with so no loss I guess...

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        11.20.09, 08:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I'm trying to figure out who taught my 3 yo the word hate.

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      11.20.09, 08:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I want you to try cow's eyes, whale tongue, or some other delicacies from other parts of the world.

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      11.20.09, 08:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • my brother is like this. he thinks panda express is "too fancy" and only eats kfc, burger king, and mcdonalds. i've never seen him eat a fruit. he's not fat at all either, he's 6 ft and 140 lbs. he always orders plain cheese pizza, plain vanilla ice cream, etc. i get so bored just looking at it!! it matches with his personality too, he's a very loyal friend, nice guy, but doesn't like to travel, meet new people. He has all the same friends since childhood and does the exact same thing everyday. I have met a few people like this, and the funny thing is whenever i ask "is your fave ice cream vanilla" they are so shocked, like i am a clairvoyant or something. Anyway, I would go nuts if my spouse was 'boring' like this, seriously i can't stand...

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      11.20.09, 09:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I hate people who hate.

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      11.20.09, 09:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Well first of all hate is a strong word. Why would you dislike someone because they don't want to try new food, seems odd. Since you are so ethnically superior then go to Japan and try their squid ice cream. That's right, they have it and the people LOVE it.

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      11.20.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]my friend got caught having an affair. pain to her dh, her child etc is enormous. not that she doesnt deserve blame/ridicule. but kills me that the guy gets away with it while her life falls apart.

    34 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    11.20.09, 11:53 AM [ Flag ]
    • how is it in any way his fault?

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      11.20.09, 12:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • the other guy? he had an affair too. yet his family stays intact.

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        11.20.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • eyeroll please. blame god while you're at it - sheeesh.

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          11.20.09, 12:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • eyeroll? you dont think it sucks that she suffers what TWO people were complicit in? are you a man? or have you gotten away with an affair to?

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            11.20.09, 12:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • do you think that will help your friend or her husband?

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              11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • the other guy was lucky that he got away. but that's a separate issue. she cheated and she should have thought about the consequences before...

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              11.20.09, 03:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • You think his wife is any happier than your friend's husband? 2 married people having an affair means 2 families are at risk.

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          11.20.09, 12:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • his wife doesnt know. and while i doubt shes happy shes definitely not in the pain my friends dh is

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            11.20.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • and the second she learns the truth, she'll be as miserable as every other person with a cheating spouse.

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              11.20.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • what happened that her life fell apart? He kicked her out or soemthing?

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        11.20.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • nothing will be the same. dh is staying but is angry and distant. she remains unhappy. whole thing is bad. affair wasnt an answer. but this is bad.

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          11.20.09, 12:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • If no one can get over it it will never be fixed tell you friend to leave. There IS life after divorce you know. Why are people esp. women so afraid of divorce?

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            11.20.09, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • gt question. i think my friend was hoping the affair wd make her dh see how miserable she was. it only served to make them both so- i think she should leave.

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              11.20.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • because no one likes divorced women w/kids. men don't like dating them. and women see them as threats to their own marriages.

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              11.20.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • Well that should answer many women's question about what to do if they catch dh has an affair. Apparently consensus seems majority of men won't forgive. Why should women?

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          11.20.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • i think women tend to look the other way far more than men do. i cant believe the number of women i know who admit they think their dh has had affairs but they like their life and so they stay silent.

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            11.20.09, 12:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • Women fear divorce, men revel in it.

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              11.20.09, 12:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • so true. I work at a hedge fund and over heard a cpl partners talking about another analyst getting divorced. youd think the guy won lotto. they were green with envy

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                11.20.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • Of course, for men getting married is losing the race for women its winning it. Men would love another shot to race the horses.

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                  11.20.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • whats funny is that they ALL have the same complaint- they feel like their wives chased them- wooed them and as soon as they got them they do nothing. you know things are bad when these guys say "i dont care about the money i just want out".

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                    11.20.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                    • I am a lawyer, 80% of the men want out but every year they hold off to see where they can put their money or if they can shift it somewhere during a year they make a small bonus. Sad.

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                      11.20.09, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                      • really sad. have to say the whole thing- and listening to these guys makes me realize that as silly as date nights and time away from kids may seem its vital to keeping a marriage together

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                        11.20.09, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                      • NP: Wow, you all have a pretty cynical view of marriage! Most of the guys in my family, my male friends, and the men I work with are pretty happy in their marriages. Including the ones in finance! I don't think marriage is easy for anyone, but a lot of people really value companionship and love their families. I don't understand this wives chasing men and then doing nothing thing... I guess among my friends, both members of the couple work and help take care of the kids, so nobody is "doing nothing."

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                        11.20.09, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • Sounds like you aren't friends with a lot of your male coworkers then. And male family members are not going to tell you how unhappy they are. No cynical, realistic.

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                          11.20.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • Yes, friends with a lot of male coworkers. And we work long hours and talk about lots of things. Marriage problems definitely come up, but like the women I work with, in most cases men want to work on the problems and stay in the relationships they are in. To assume that most men are just biding their time until they can bolt seems unrealistic to me!

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                          11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • everyone likes being in a happy marriage. it's staying/ending a bad one that's the issue. when spouse becomes a diff person from the one you thought you were marrying, that's the problem.

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                          11.20.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • maybe that's b/c sexual fidelity isn't the entire picture in a fulfilling life or a happy marriage

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              11.20.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • some people get caught...some don't...your reaction is absurd

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      11.20.09, 12:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • when two people do something wrong it seems unfair that only one suffers. how is that absurd?

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        11.20.09, 12:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • b/c fairness has nothing to do with this...she got caught & suffers the consequences...she wasn't forced to have the affair...are you saying that you want everyone who has ever cheated to get caught so families everywhere are ruined just b/c that's what happened to your friend?

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          11.20.09, 12:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • yes. i want everyone everywhere to suffer. good god. this man pursued a woman who was lonely and sad and took what he wanted and fled when things were found out. im allowed to want HIM to deal as she has to.

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            11.20.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • ITA... I understand that the woman was OPs friend but OP has an incredibly skewed perspective on this. It's terrible that her friend's husband and DC are dealing with this. But wishing the same on the male adulterer's wife/kids in the spirit of "fairness" is just hateful.

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          11.20.09, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Either the fakest post or pointless anyway BUT i can't resist: OP,The man isn't married to her family or mother to her children. The saddest part of such stupid betrayal is how the 'other person' is simply highlighted as NOT being part of THEIR life. The guy/man/other/doesn't play into the ugliest problems.

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      11.20.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]How is it that my child scored 98's on ERB's at 4 and is now a 5th grader (10)in the middle of pack at her single sex? She was not prepped in any way for ERB's as a preschooler, unless you consider preschool as prep. She was reading when she enter K, as far as age she is in the middle for her grade with an April birthday. I just don't get it, and am considering tutoring since she seems to be struggling to keep up. Advice, thoughts? Thinking about public school for High School since what I thought was a great private has not helped my child reach her potential. Unfortunately this is a real post.

    35 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    11.18.09, 07:57 AM [ Flag ]
    • What does the school say? Are they recommending tutoring?

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      11.18.09, 07:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Not yet, but they will evaluate for reading since she appears to have comprehension gaps.

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        11.18.09, 08:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • Is she really struggling to keep up? If she is in the middle of the pack, she may not be, but you have to be comfortable that she is not the absolute best in every subject. If she needs help with reading comp, that is easy enough for you to work with her at home on. I can see tutoring if there is a subject she is actually falling behind on but not just if she is in the middle academically. And, FWIW, 98 ERBs are a dime a dozen. Does not indicate higher intelligence among the private school students.

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          11.18.09, 08:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • :) Wow this board is alot more helpful than I remember when I was here a few years back. You folks are all raising very helpful points! She is a strong reader, but struggles in class assignments with comprehension writing assignments. At home obviously more relaxed and needs far less guidance. For what it is worth her teachers get her. But it did surprise me when her teacher mentioned reading evaluation.

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            11.18.09, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • high score on ERB at 4yo is not necessarily her "full potential". by 5th grade there are other issues - is she self motivated, is she interested, does she care about school, etc/

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      11.18.09, 08:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • She is not always self motivated, loves/hates her school depending on the "disagreement" that day, very sensitive. But like all kids sweet and loving the next minute.

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        11.18.09, 08:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Maybe your kid would have done less well if in public for elem. How bad was the test score? How have her grades and report cards read? if she is successful along those lines, maybe she is a bad test taker. the test for older kids includes stuff like reading comp, which you can't test at 4. If you are really concerned you should pursue a neuro psych or psycho ed testing, which tell you about HOW your DD learns and where she is strong and weak and what type of school may be most appropriate. Has school said she is not keeping up? Are they worried?

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      11.18.09, 08:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • She is usually described as slow to start and finish. But this year may have improved slightly because it was only an issue with two subjects. She loves both classes, but is easily distracted by classmates. I think lack of sleep my be an issue.I was also more liberal with tv/computer/hand held games use, perhaps that is a factor as well.

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        11.18.09, 08:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Because it's not just about raw intelligence. It's about motivation, attention, organization skills, auditory and visual processing. My ds got a 97 on the SB at age 4... due to concerns about issues like the ones I listed above, he was always in the middle of the pack at his academically challenging school. It didn't bother me though, he worked to capacity and his learning skills improved each year with maturity and practice.

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      11.18.09, 08:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • You raise a very good point, I am writing about a 10 yr old.

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        11.18.09, 08:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • My ds is now in high school. His ability to be on top of his work continues to develop and he's now much more invested in his own academic success. When he was younger it was just "stuff he had to do". Maturity makes a huge difference for kids who've had the brain power, but not the motivation as young children.

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          11.18.09, 08:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • middle of the pack not so bad no? Better than bottom imo. Why is it so important to you that she be at the top, rather than where she is comfortable? A lot can change in ms.

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      11.18.09, 08:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Not important to me, the fact that she see's herself as struggling somewhat is a worry for me. Thanks for saying/asking this because I needed to think about that as well.

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        11.18.09, 08:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • I would give her a lot of support then, help her relax, her confidence at this particular moment might be the issue. And yes, sleep sleep sleep.

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          11.18.09, 08:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Are you serious? ERBs are pretty much meaningless. The middle of the pack is a fine place to be, and many DC belong there. Unless she is depressed, bored, listless or unhappy in some way that is leading her to underachieve, stop worrying about her being "in the middle" and embrace her for who she is. And yes, get a tutor if she's struggling, or switch schools if she's unhappy.

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      11.18.09, 08:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Lol! thanks.

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        11.18.09, 09:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Agree with above poster! Have you ever read the mismeasure of man? Do it, it will make you feel better! Most of these tests are based on IQ tests, even when they claim that is not what they are... virtually meaningless for many kids as far as real potential. Just a test of acculturation at 4 YO!

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        11.18.09, 09:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • It's funny I used to say the same thing to others. I guess I didn't exactly feel it applied to my daughter.

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          11.18.09, 09:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • well said. i often wonder if these tests measure precociousness rather than aptitude or intelligence or academic potential. maybe the 99 means dc would make a great child actor but is not necessarily going to HYP?

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          11.18.09, 09:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • Uhh my daughter loves drama and yes she was pretty precocious and still is to a degree. As I said before in my 3 yrs away from this board it appears to have become less snarky.

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            11.18.09, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • not trying to be snarky but i know you weren't staking all your hopes and dreams on dd's erb score at 4 years old.

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              11.18.09, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • oh lord no! But it is very tempting to be wowed by your child's high test scores and yep I am guilty.

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                11.18.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • think about this also some of the test is based on basic knowledge. If that knowledge was not taught to the 4 yo yet - how would they know it. They are so young. Not all parents sit and drill their kids with facts. Not all give them blocks to build with or teach them to write at that age. So many factors go into this test and it just isn't accurate at 4yo

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            11.18.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • it's funny but i am in a mommy and me class with my 17 month old, and the other moms are drilling their dcs! what is this color? look at this cube! it is unbelievable. so when their dcs score 99 they'll be convinced dc is brilliant too.

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              11.18.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • ^^^and OP, this is not directed at you, pls don't be offended.

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                11.18.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • None taken. The joke is I was definately on the more laid back side of parenting, and alwaus shook my head at parent who drill babies. Perhaps the joke is a little bit on me as well, because I believed the hype of her scores as it were.

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                  11.18.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • exactly- dd is 3.5 and I don't bring her around to museums. May start soon - so all those things she won't know until she's older. I haven't counted with her above 30 - so how would she know how to count to 100. Just doesn't seem important to me at this age.

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                  11.18.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Is she in the middle of her class at a tt school? The group she is with is probably way above average. Middle is a nice, strong position, as long as she is motivated, learning, and happy socially.

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      11.18.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Yes she is in the middle at her single sex. You all were very helpful. Brought me back to my senses and needed a nice verbal "snap out of it!"

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        11.18.09, 05:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • that's the right reaction. ERBs are only helpful getting into ongoing schools. they are not a predictor of academic success or failure. think about it. your dc is taken to a strange room with strangers for 45 min - anything could and does happen. while a 98 is a very impressive score, it reflects as much about their success that day with that set of testors than anything else. while i am sure your dc is bright, if she's in the middle of the class and happy with herself, that's a big win imo.

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          11.20.09, 03:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]Have you ever met some parents, and thought hope my dc never becomes friends with their kids? I've met quite a few and think it's sad that I came to the conclusion within minutes of meeting them ... some people are just plain WEIRD

    17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    11.20.09, 07:20 AM [ Flag ]
    • Sometimes those kids are the sweetest things you ever met, but I do agree some parents are a real turn off

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      11.20.09, 07:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • this year ds and I have been on the same page. all the kids he has mentioned liking seem to have parents that I like. I guess the apples are not falling far from the trees.

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      11.20.09, 07:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • op: Pretty much most of dc's friends are just great. Most of them have parents I get along with; but some others clearly have psych problems. I met this one mom after a playdate, and she didn't even say hi. The kids is just a darling.

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        11.20.09, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • Oh, that's not "weird" that's crazy. Bid diff. I thought you were talking about artsy-fartsy types, which is cool with me. If someone's spaced out/rude/scary, that's a different story.

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          11.20.09, 08:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • OK - so the CRAZY people - I mean these people are so out there that crazy is not the word to describe them. For example, I went to a party a few weeks ago, and all the host mom could talk about was that she went to Cornell, and her experience at Cornell. Who gives a hoot?

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            11.20.09, 12:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • BTDT, ds is in 5th grade- the wierdos just might grow on you. Be nice to everyone, you never know who your friends, or your kids friends will be.

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      11.20.09, 07:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • ita - not even to 5th yet, but I have come to really like and become friends with some of those who have weird written all over them. I also like dc to see that its okay to be quirky.

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        11.20.09, 07:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • Op: I'm sorry I didnt mean to refer to the quirky lot - I meant those people who think they are better than you. I actually find the artsy crowd to be very down-to earth

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          11.20.09, 12:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • honey, i prefer the WEIRD. it's the uptight ones that scare the heck out of me. consider this - you probably have friends who have different ideologies than their parents. i know i have friends like that.

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      11.20.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • i wonder if we have the same or different definitions of wierd. do you mean artsy? do you mean hippies? someone who acts like they are high as a kite?

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        11.20.09, 08:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • np: certainly weird can describe many things, but i prefer all 3 options you presented to stuck-up, dull, or overbearing

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          11.20.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • OP: I was definitely referring to the idiots who think they are too high and mighty .. you know those stuffy folk, who are trust fund babies, and have no idea that there are millions of other people in the orld who haven't had that experience

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          11.20.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • There is so far only one mom who I do not care for in my dc's class. Our children play together often at school. My thought is to kill her with kindness. I don't want to be her friend, but she does not have to know that, especially if our children get along well.

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      11.20.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I think so about a particular mom whose dc is friends with ds. Each time I see her, I ask when the next playdate is ... she never wants anyone over

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        11.20.09, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • So we're new to the school this year, and one mom asked me who I was - I told her I was ds' mom. She said Girl or boy? I said Boy - she said "Oh - my daughter only knows girls". Sheesh. Who says that? I mean it doesn't matter what sex your dc is, he/she should be able to recognize that there is an addition to their class.

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      11.20.09, 12:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • That could have been me. I think she's just apologizing for not knowing who you are because her dd doesn't ever talk about kids of the opposite sex, and maybe you just didn't register at that moment. I've done that and then felt REALLY badly afterwards because it was at dropoff and I wasn't caffeinated....

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        11.20.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]This process is killing me. I am so unbelievably stressed out that dc will not have a good kindergarten to attend in the fall. and we have 4 more months of worrying before we know. Every time we talk aobu the process, I feel like throwing up.

    26 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    11.20.09, 09:27 AM [ Flag ]
    • ditto. but I know it will be fine. I don't know why, but I just feel like it will.

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      11.20.09, 09:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • what is dc's erb, how have the playdates gone, what does your psd say?

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      11.20.09, 09:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • You need to step back and take a breather. YOu are suffering some serious anxiety about something that is (a) out of your control and (b) in the scope of life, not that important. You might want to consider some anti-anxiety medication. This level of tension will be transmitted to your dc and is not good.

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      11.20.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I was you last year. But I swear to you, things worked out for virtually every family that I know. I can think of only one case where a child had to attend an unacceptable local school--and that was because his mother failed to return the paperwork at a great school where he was accepted. Things will be OK :)

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      11.20.09, 09:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Shut out because of paperwork? Just missed the deadline?

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        11.20.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • She said she got a letter of acceptance that said please respond by so and so date. Then she didn't! She was holding out for an acceptance at another school that she liked better, hoping that a spot would open up somehow (it didn't).

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          11.20.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I *really* don't mean this is a snarky way: try to find some perspective. You're talking about kindergarten. I know that you've been fed the line that if you don't get into a good kindergarten, you'll get into a crappy grade school, and then a crappy HS, only to end up in a bad college, ultimately with no career worth mentioning. Now look at reality. Look at people around you, even those you consider to be successful. Do you really see people whose success was dictated by their kindergarden? Ask yourself if you really believe that the mold is that strict and unyielding?

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      11.20.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • ITA. I went to public school all the way and still ended up with a career many envy. Relax and enjoy life with your dc.

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        11.20.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • np. This is actually not about the kid getting into a good school. This is about the parent who wants to be associated with a good school from the parent's point of view. You re correct that K does not matter at all in the big picture but it matters in regards to stats, bragging rates, pride, etc. Btw, I don't subscribe to that thinking.

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          11.20.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I absolutely agree. It's KINDERGARTEN. You're stressed? What about the mom who just got laid off and is panicking about how to feed her kids. The guy who needs a lung transplant but whose insurance won't get it? You need to get a grip and some perspective.

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        11.20.09, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Some very level heads prevailing here... thanks for the good advice all. I think I am on the opposite end of the scale - not that I have a cavalier attitude exactly but I know that we've done everything that we can to our best ability and now we're just going to wait until Feb. The only time I get a hint of stress is when I read posts like this and wonder "man - SHOULD I be more anxiety-stricken? do these people know something I don't?" Like the poster above, I don't equate DC getting into our FC as her one and only chance at happiness. Worst case scenario, we will send her to public and if it's a totally heinous experience, we'll apply again next year. Not ideal, but not such a horrible scenario either.

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      11.20.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • NP: I also feel fairly relaxed about process, though it's a lot to manage. But I have to say the responses that "it's only kindergarten" are idiotic. Of course she's not worrying just about the kindergarten, it's that it's a chance to find a K-12 school for your dc and your family. I agree it's not parallel to getting laid off or feeding one's children, but nor is it finding a school for one yr. Perspective means seeing the thing for what it is, not exaggerating it, but not diminishing it either. To OP, I hope you feel some more calmness, GL!

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        11.20.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • My feeling exactly. I was told by mom in my school "you will be so anxiety-ridden every time you see the mailman in February." What a crock! I figure that we did all we can do and that's that. Public school will be the default and if that turns out to be terrible, we will fix it. No point in worrying about this at all!!

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        11.20.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • what public are you zoned for?

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        11.20.09, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • OR - we are @ PS 59 which we're pretty comfortable with. However, DD also qualified for G&T last year so hopefully she will do well enough again this year to give us yet another option.

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          11.20.09, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • OP here--I know that kindergraten will not determine the future of my dc. i am a public school alum who went to ivy(hyp--since this board seems to care ), so know it can be done, and that ivy is not be all, end all. however, given some challenges my dc faces (gifted in some areas, needs help in others), I know both that we'll have a hard time getting into a school, and also that public will not work for us. dc needs a small class with caring teachers, or will have an unhappy experience. this is not about putting dc on a path to Harvard, but about finding a place where dc will strive. and, so, I am worried.

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      11.20.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • are you applying to bank street? i feel like your situation is similar to families i know there. GL.

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        11.20.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • OK, so what would be some of your ideals and then some fall backs that you could try make work? I agree it's a tough process for the reasons you mention, having nothing to do with HYP.

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        11.20.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • It's really stressful, but I would try to avoid getting fixated on one school. Last year things did not go well for us, we ended up at a school we didn't even look at initially and amazingly, it is fantastic. I feel like we got really lucky in the end, through no skills or strategies of our own. It seems to work out for most people in the end, and even when it doesn't (like in our case) sometimes in the end it does.

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      11.20.09, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • it's very stressful but at the end of the day you have little impact on the outcome. it's scores, availability and do they want to see you every day for the next 12 years

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      11.20.09, 02:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • There is a place for everyone. Chill.

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      11.20.09, 02:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]The fact is that schools promote their biggest donors to the best schools. So even if your kid is brilliant and at a TT school, if you are not a big donor to the TT or to the college, they are not going to push for you. Happened to us at HM.

    41 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    11.20.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag ]
    • this is BS. or should i say, that while they will push for the big donors, they don't "not push" for other students.

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      11.20.09, 10:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Keep it just to NY Schools, or better yet keep it no where.

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      11.20.09, 10:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • you are using this as an excuse. College admissions are more independent than this.

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      11.20.09, 10:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • ITA. Its not like K admission.

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        11.20.09, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • No, they're not. The college counselor at the TT school will not even recommend the top colleges to your kid if you are not a major donor or alum there. Trust me on this.

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          11.20.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • guess what! you don't have to apply only to those colleges recommended by the high school. You are totally wrong with this whole premise.

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            11.20.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • Right but say your kid, who gives little $$ to the school or the college, is applying, vs. other kid, perhaps with lower grades but whose fam built the library. Comprende?

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              11.20.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • np: your example is so extreme as to be useless. very, very few families have the $ to build a library. your OP is flawed in so many ways and clearly just an attempt to explain away poor results to yourself.

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                11.20.09, 10:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • again, maybe it matters at some schools that really need the $$$ and don't have other big donors, but this is simply not true at hyp

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                11.20.09, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • so why take bush? bc of name and not necessarily donor potential?

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                  11.20.09, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • btw, admissions today are much much more competitive than back then, and legacies matter much less (though they still matter)

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                    11.20.09, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                    • ITA. Bush probably wouldn't have been admitted today. Remember, even though he was in the WH, only one of his two DCs got in.

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                      11.20.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                      • weren't his dds already in college in 2000? either way, did jenna want yale? we don't know if she even applied. she seems very UT to me (not necessarily a bad thing).

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                        11.20.09, 11:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • You're right, they both took a year off to help him campaign between HS and college. So he had been Gov of Texas and they were 4th generation Yale when applying. If I had to guess, the Yale Admissions Office told Jenna not to apply, it would have been too embarrassing when she got rejected (really poor grades/SATs).

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                          11.20.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • they probably would have to be REALLY low for her not to get in. shia la beouf was accepted sometime in the past 2 years. maybe they admitted him bc he is so hot?

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                          11.20.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • maybe, maybe not. alumni brats are not guaranteed admissions anymore, not even after 4 generations, even when the last name is Bush. they will get advance warning if they are not going to be admitted, though. the only guarantees go to trustee's DCs/grandDCs.

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                          11.20.09, 11:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • well, it does seem like an unusually high number of celeb offspring go to top schools. i remain skeptical.

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                          11.20.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • (a) those are the ones you hear about - they aren't talking when DC is going to Nassau Community College; (b) despite what you might think, many of these people are very smart themselves - they probably wouldn't have been as successful without some semblance of a brain (although I'm not talking Paris Hilton-types, I'm talking Meryl Streep-types), (c) they could afford the best educations for their DCs from the start and you are paying attention to it, most people don't notice or care until someone's Dad shows up to speak at graduation.

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                          11.20.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • well, it does seem like celeb offspring either go to Ivy or become DJs. In any event, you won't convince me that the offspring of Jack Nicholson and Rebecca Broussard is smart. Meryl Streep, yes, she went to Vassar and Yale before she was famous. That's how you know if someone is truly smart, and Ivy isn't just taking them bc s/he starred in Transformers 3. I went Ivy, there were plenty of stupid kids there with rich & famous parents. Contrary to popular belief, the hardest thing is getting in. Almost no one flunks out.

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                          11.20.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                      • just so you know. jack nicholson's dd is at brown. her mom is rebecca broussard. so is denzel's dd. now tell me again last name doesn't matter.

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                        11.20.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • if your family built the library at the college they don't need the HS to push for them. if they built the library at the HS the college doesn't care. the HS is more concerned with the % accepts at top schools than with which kids they are. those acceptance numbers are what keeps people flocking to them

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                11.20.09, 10:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • guess this could be true, i know it's def not true at hyp (my friend did admissions covering nyc privates). they take who they want to take (kind of like hm in nursery). fc, etc matters not at all.

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      11.20.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I doubt Harvard is concerned about keeping Trinity or any other private happy. They'll get plenty of qualified applicants even if nobody in NYC applies. Therefore they can take who they want.

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      11.20.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • A TT guidance counselor is not going to push a big donor kid who is not qualified over students who are qualified. They would lose all credibility with the top schools.

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      11.20.09, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Sorry but I think the real answer here is either your child is NOT brilliant or you and dh are a PITA or most likely both of these factors.

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      11.20.09, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • Ok. Check back with me when your kid at the TT school starts getting told to apply to some crappy school even though he has kick-ass SATs.

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        11.20.09, 12:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • So you believe that being at a tt and having good SATs means a child is automatically an excellent candidate for HYP? I really do get the need for defense mechanisms for coping with life's unpleasantries, but I don't get the need to convince the world at large that your coping mechanisms are reality.

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          11.20.09, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • This is the premise of "The Price of Admission"- that legacy status, connections and "development potential" or donation potential trump smarts as an admission criteria at almost all elite colleges.

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      11.20.09, 10:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • And it is the truth.

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        11.20.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • true. but Princeton's decision to admit a legacy moron is its own choice. It didn't succumb to pressure from moron's HS college admission counselor. That's the diff. The HS has its own interests to protect.

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        11.20.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • ^^ I meant to add that top schools takes lots of smart kids based on grades/scores alone. money, legacy status, and connections will never trump brains. But if 2 applicants have the same grades/scores, then yes, those other things matter.

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          11.20.09, 12:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • ITA. The top schools have so many qualified applicants they can't possibly admit them all. Therefore, a qualified leg or child of someone with status will have a leg up over a qualified nobody. This child will also have even more of a leg up because they have been given priviledges and opportunities that help them to shine. They may have traveled extensively, had an expensive private school education and/or access to internships or volunteer opportunities that appeal to colleges and make them appear more interesting. This is the way of the world and continues after college through grad school and jobs. To deny this is silly.

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            11.20.09, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • Well, look at GWB. He did not have same score as others. Still got into Yale. Al Gore's son who's a dufus got into H bec of his father.

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            11.20.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • This is such phony crAp to make you fell better about not getting into HYP or about not gettiNg your DC into HM. Just stop already THESE SCHOOLS ARE NOT OUT TO GET YOU IF THEY WANTED YOU YOU WOULD BE THERE

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      11.20.09, 11:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • total bull. No school will push a kid who risks being an embarrassment. because that's the last time colleges will pay any attention to that school's choices. you push a kid, you better be certain it doesn't blow-up in your face.

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      11.20.09, 12:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

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