[-]sorry, but need to vent. I despise my MIL. I have 2 dcs under 2, and have been putting in 12 hour days at my outside job all month long. She flew into a rage at me tonight because I allowed my house to get too messy today and I don't take proper care of DH, as in don't cook all his meals myself and serve him tea every night. She went on to say that I caused my DHs cancer because I don't keep a nice enough home for him. I'm shaking right now.
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]So sorry. I'm sure your MIL is very stressed over her son's health issue and she is just lashing out right now. Try to put yourself in her place. When you both cool off, you should sit down and have a talk about ways you can BOTH help your dh, and ways to make peace between you two.
[ Reply | Options ]Boy, I'd be upset too!! What a thing to say! Is your DH still ill or in remission? If he's still ill, I can see how hard it would be to tell your husband about this, though. Whatever your MIL was feeling, she was way out of line and owes you an apology. You don't need her in your life until she does apologize.
[ Reply | Options ]Serve him tea? Sounds like your MIL is from the old world or the eastern hemisphere, in which case, terrorizing the DIL is a form of sport. Whole television dramas are scripted around this principle. I'm sure it was terribly harrowing to get chewed out like that, but just remember that you bring home the bacon- which she probably never did, and it was her lousy genes that probably caused the cancer. Hang in there!
[ Reply | Options ]Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I am usually a polite person, but I have to say when she brought up the cancer I would have said, actually YOU probably contributed to his cancer genetically or by what you did or didn't it when you were carrying him. Followed by, now get out of my house, go enjoy your nice clean home.
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[-]Rant: it drives me crazy when parents of DS's friends let them watch violent movies or play violent videogames, and then the kids brag about it to DS. Then DS ends up low man on the totem pole because we, his lousy parents, don't let him do anything or see anything cool. He's a wonderful, gentle boy and I would hate to see this change. One of the moments I treasured the most was when (at 4 years) he was protecting a stuffed rabbit from his friends who wanted to pretend to shoot it and cut off its head. We don't want to change our policies but I hate to see him suffer for them.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Get him judo or karate lessons to brag about. He's a guy, he needs to grow up able to defend, but he doesn't need his head filled with c**p violence.
[ Reply | Options ]yeah- that stinks- I remember being exposed to violence in media at a young age- like 6 and having terrible nightmares about it- you are doing the right thing. I do think that it's healthy to play aggressively/physically with things like swords or lightsabers etc. etc. and agree with the other poster about Karate - there are ways of doing it that are more appropriate.
[ Reply | Options ]First you can't complain about how other people raise their children. It isn't a right or wrong thing. Every child is different in what they can and can't handle and every mom is different in what is too violent and what is not. What you have to do is make sure your dc has some of the prized currancy he needs to fit in a social group of boys. Super heros usually work and not all that violent. So try that.
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[-]Do you have to be friends with the mothers of your DC's friends for your kid to have a social life?
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[-]Hello- We have only lived in NY one year, still figuring things out. My dd is starting Hunter 7th grade this year...after a disappointing year in zoned ps she really wanted to go private (it may be weird per other ub'ers, butshe loved Hewitt) but HCHS seemed like such a good deal, we couldn't pass it up. Any thoughts...she was accepted at other privates, but loved Hewitt.
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]What kind of thoughts would you like? I hope your dd likes Hunter HS! I know many kids who do.
[ Reply | Options ]Just feeling guilty! I guess...should we have sent her to Hewitt? Or one of the more tt schools? Or is letting her try a year at Hunter okay? Glad to hear kids like Hunter.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, try it out for 7th and if unhappy start applying out during 8th grade for HSs. Then you can decide once 7th and 8th grades are under her belt.
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No, just feeling guilty, and feeling guilty because I guess part of the reason we pushed her to Hunter was that we thought she would have been bored academically at Hewitt, and I guess I feel guilty having considered that as a factor.
[ Reply | Options ]np. I agree with an above poster who suggested that she make a decision during 8th grade and if she still wants to apply to Hewitt for HS, to let her. Hewitt in the 9th grade and beyond has a different feeling than in the lower and middle school, which might or might not be what you are looking for. So evaluate again, when the time comes.
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ita too - very hard for someone who live in NY only one year to have it together to get in to hunter for 7th - it is a process that takes like 2 years
[ Reply | Options ]Hunter High School test is taken in late fall of 6th grade, based on being in 90 percentile of 5th test grade scores. Children have 5th grade test scores no matter where they were in school.
[ Reply | Options ]yes, but if you are not here and in the loop you don't know to present scores for a ticket. We were in that group, new to city, did not get ds tested. He got into Stuy later but Hunter would have been great, and a friend he made in 6th got in and my ds was sad he never had chance to take the test for a shot at it himself.
[ Reply | Options ]What is the big deal? At our k-8 private they ask if your kid (if tests scores on ERBs fall in a certain range) wants to take the test. The kid takes the tests, and you are either in or not. You could do this from any k-8 school in any city. There is no preparation necessary. My kid made it, but we chose to stay and finish with his class. He will go private for 9th grade.
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[-]if i post ten new and varied posts of moderate interest, will you promise to respond to two of them? or should i not bother to try livening up this board?
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[-]Question about financial aid. Our HHI is $90k so I figure we'll qualify for financial aid if we get into a good school (we are on the UES). Does anyone have good insight on how FA works within these schools. Does $90k usually qualify and about how much are they covering. There is no way we can afford several of the places I plan to attempt applying to unless we do get FA. Am I wasting my time?
35 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Rule of thumb is that you'd be expected to pay about 10% of your gross income in tuition. This depends on family size, housing costs, and assets, of course.
[ Reply | Options ]np: this is what I have found also. the form asks everything imaginable including if you own a yacht or country club membership! I'm sure they factor everything in. I have always thought 10% of gross is pretty high to contribute actually.
[ Reply | Options ]np You sound INCREDIBLY entitled. "I have always though 10% of gross is pretty high to contribute actually". They need to ask these questions as there are plenty of high asset/lower income spongers out there.
[ Reply | Options ]which part is entitled? I think they absolutely should ask about all assets and expenditures. it's like detective work and they need to weed out those trying to milk the sytem. I still think 10% of gross is a lot to ask of a family. For someone making 90K that would be about $63K net. So $9K to contribute would be 15% of their take home. Just seems like a lot to me.
[ Reply | Options ]Huh? There are public schools if you want to pay nothing. Beyond that, if you think 10% is too much on 90k, have you ever considered that people with hhis of 200k generally pay 35k with one kid? Little bit more than 10%. I feel the worst for them (and I'm not one of them).
[ Reply | Options ]I have considered that and I feel bad for the UMC who get screwed too. I can feel both groups get a raw deal, can't I? Yes, there are public schools but sometimes families can't afford to live in decent zones. Not sure why you are upset that I wish more people had affordable access to quality education.
[ Reply | Options ]Because the schools are PRIVATE institutions and aren't obligated to dole out money. Also, you should be paying something if others in your kid's class are paying 35k--the education isn't free and there's a gap even when you pay full tuition.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree that schools aren't obligated. I never said they were. I think it's a kindness on their part to offer FA and have greatly appreciated receiving it myself in college. Again, I pay full tuition for my dc but can still have empathy for those who have less options.
[ Reply | Options ]Fewer. And I think it's silly to say 10% is a lot to ask. Also, if a family is TRULY poor, full aid is occasionally offered--but the school obviously really, really wants the dc if they're prepared to do that.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm sure grammar corrections make you feel better about yourself, but all it does is make me feel sorry for you and undermine any other point you are trying to make. You have done everything possible to turn a basic discussion about % of FA contributions into a personal attack and you've succeeded in derailing the rational discussion - happy now?
[ Reply | Options ]The distinction between fewer and less is pretty basic. Bottom line: Parents should have to pay some part of an independent school education. If everyone on FA was paying less than 10% of their hhi, everyone else would be paying 45k. And given the rate at which tuition increases, that's just not right.
[ Reply | Options ]nnp: the distinction btw fewer and less is pretty basic, but in the example above the distinction is unclear. nothing worse than someone condescendingly correcting grammer and getting it wrong! fewer is for a countable thing. in the example above, "options" is not necessarily countable. there are an infinite number of options for schooling choices. one could presumably move anywhere and enroll in any school there. it's possible "options" is countable for some people, but it is not inherently so.
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Of course not. We pay full tuition. But I grew up poor and I know that 10% of my parents HHI would have been a lot for them to contribute.
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This is correct, but I'm not sure how it relates to my post. Public school is always an option, sometimes a good one, sometimes not. But that doesn't change my opinion that 10% of HHI can be a prohibitive amount of money for some families to spend on private. Those families can then go to public school of course, thus my point that the 10% was a lot of money for them.
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At schools with large endowments like some of the top boarding schools, children from families w HHI of <$65-75K get a full ride (inc books, transportation, etc.) I'm pretty sure the expected contribution of those families just above that range doesn't jump to 10%. Unfortunately, the resources of schools in NYC are not as great.
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90K definitely qualifies for aid, but it is harder for a child to be accepted needing aid. You want to be a strong candidate for the particular school (meaning you're less likely to receive aid from a stretch school). Apply widely. Some schools are pretty clear about aid awards, so read websites carefully.
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[-]Okay people help me out. I bought my dd (2 years old) gummy bear vitamins. I have only been giving her one but it says that you can give them 2 a day. If I give her 2 a day she will get 50% Vitamin C and 100% vitamin D. I also bought other gunny vitamins specifically designed for brain development (same brand). Along with the Omega 3 they also contain (again for 2 pieces) 5% vitamin C and 10% Vitamin D. Can her give her 4 - 2 of each kind - a day or is that overkill on the Vitamin C & D. Keep in mind that she eats healthy but doesn't like a lot of vegetables and will not drink milk at all.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]^^ Forgot to add that the ones for brain developemnt only have Omega 3 and Vitamin C & D.
[ Reply | Options ]Vitamin C is water soluble, so excess is excreted pretty quickly and doesn't build up in the system. Vit D, on the other hand, is fat soluble and takes longer to excrete. That said, the rec daily for D was recently upped, so make sure you are within the new guidelines.
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[-]How do know if your nanny is ok? I have had mine for awhile but I am not sure if she is not leaving my two kids in stroller when they go to the park. Is there a service in NYC/CT that say checks on nanny when they are out for the day and reports back? or just could watch them in the park for a few hours? I think she is ok but I would like to be sure.
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we live in Greenwich ct now.. I would check for you as well if you lived out here. Thank you!
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SAHM are you kidding? I am a nanny and many moms leave their kids unattended just as much as nannies do. I have kids follow me out of the park a few times. Up to last week I went back with a child asking who's kid? It was a mom. There is alot of gossip going on with SAHM. Think about it, they sit talking with each other and paying attention to nannies who are not taking care of kids in their charge. During that time what happens? their own kids are unattended.
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Why would she bother to take them to the park just to leave them in the stroller. What made you curious about this?
[ Reply | Options ]actually, there is. I can't remember her name but I found her by googling nanny cams. She is a mom and a former lawyer and she will follow your nanny. NYC.
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[-]Has anyone ever heard of an UES public school giving a variance so that a child with a late birthday can start kindergarten a year later? If so, do you know which school and the factors involved? Thank you.
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]i think if it's really important to you to hold him back, try to find an alternative for K - like K at a preschool or a parochial school. He can do K there when he is 5.9 yo and then the following year, he can go into 1st grade at public. they can make him skip K, but not 1st.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't know of anyone who has been successful since the DOE took over admissions and made it not a school by school decision. But, I would suggest you consider repeating K if need me. Don't be afraid of the stigma. DC is young and it isn't as bad as you think and you will thank your lucky stars again when middle school rolls around.
[ Reply | Options ]This is bullshit, DOE did not take over admissions for regular gen ed. You can't really do it for G&T but for gen ed it is absolutely still done.
[ Reply | Options ]NP You are incorrect. The DOE did centralize admissions for general ed K. Everything goes thru them now. I'd also stop the profanity -espeically when you are wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA. Not on the UES but done at our local public all the time. There is a lot of misiformation out there. Meet with the principal or assistant principal of the school.
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There is no variance, the principal can grant exception and let dc enter K. Some D2 schools still do it readily (I know PS183 does this as friend's dc is there) as does our good UWS school. Just suck up and come with a sob story to the principal.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: Thanks for all of the helpful posts. We are zoned for 183 so you have given me hope. Do you have any idea what type of sob story works?
[ Reply | Options ]You're in luck. Every year there are a few children in K at 183 who should have started the year before. From what I understand, they won't make the decision until close to the end of the school year. I believe that the principal meets with the parents, but may have one one of the learning specialists evaluate the DC.
[ Reply | Options ]Is DS ready or not? I'm holding back but I was advised by preschool teacher and than even at PS evaluation it was discussed by dept. heads. Later talked to school and worked it out for him to go in 2010.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: DS is not ready. Would definitely not go through this if I thought it was even a close call. I know the PS agrees. Do you really need to wait to the end of the year? It sounds like you were able to get a decision in advance. My concern with waiting until the end of the year is that DS will have missed kindergarten and we are not willing to skip kindergarten and go to first grade - it would be too difficult for DS in many ways. We cant do private. So this issue decides whether or not we can stay in NYC.
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[-]ADVICE NEEDED ON NANNY PAY - I live in the UWS & have found an amazing nanny. She's very warm, fluent in Spanish, has her papers, & is great with kids. She's in her young 30s, & is not one of those burned out nannies you see in the park who don't pay attention to the kids at all. She will also do housekeeping, ironing, etc. & a lot of our cooking (she's an amazing cook). She charges $120/day (for 8:30-5:30). Do you think this is reasonable? Any advice is welcome. Thanks!
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This seems insanely cheap for a nanny + cook + maid. Will you be home to help share the childcare while she's doing all that other work for you? I think you need to pay her a lot more...esp if you have more than one kid.
[ Reply | Options ]I paid $400/week to a bright college student. She was five times as good as the lazy, brain-dead nannies who sit on their kiester all day speaking patois to their friends on the phone. If you think you get better care by paying more you're terribly mistaken. You want someone who absolutely loves children and doesn't need to send 1/3rd of her paycheck back to the old country; someone who will work hard for a glowing graduate school recommendation and the opportunity to work with a great kid; someone whose ultimate reward is taking pride in your child's development. A "professional" nanny will eat up your funds and teach your kid to stare into space while she's doing her own thing.
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absolutely, I think this is really reasonable! My nanny is about the same (650/wk) from 7-5 (so a few more dollars for a few more hours). I am so sick of hearing on here that I am underpaying my poor nanny. she is amazing, she cooks cleans and does housekeeping, we have had her for years and we love her to pieces as do our kids. And I get reports back from my SAHM friends about how attentive she is on walks at the park and at the corner store. not those cold inattentive on their cell phone type at all. yes 600 for 5 days is great. if she is an AMAZING cook as you said, then all the moreso what a bonus :) it is totally worth it!! you have found yourself a gem.
[ Reply | Options ]thanks, Ladies! I will have just one baby & I will be working part-time so I will be there half the time. i appreciate the feedback!
[ Reply | Options ]I pay my nanny more than that per hour and she doesn't cook or clean. One child, 18 months old. If she's scrubbing you toilet while your child is napping, how much energy is she going to have when he/she wakes up from nap and wants to play? Are you hiring a childcare professional or a slave?
[ Reply | Options ]np: speaking only for myself, i'd rather come home to a calm and rested baby and a clean toilet than a baby who has been vigorously played with and a dirty toilet. but that's just me. if you want to use your energy cleaning toilets instead of playing with your kid, that's your choice.
[ Reply | Options ]You missed the point jackass. She can play with the kid or clean - sometimes there's not enough time for both. So she can leave your little darling awake and ignored because she doesn't want Cruella DeVille to come home to a dirty toilet. I pay a maid to clean my toilet, but I don't ask her to watch my kid. Hope the least common denominator approach is working out for you.
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The problem with expecting the nanny to do all of these things is that you are going to measure the results differently. When you come home, there is either cooked food or not. The bathroom is clean or it is not. It is not readily apparent that she read books to your baby and helped him/her play with the shape sorter. So if there is not enough time during the day to do everything, there is some incentive on her part to skimp on the nannying in order to complete the tasks with immediately tangible results, lest she anger you.
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[-]Looking for full-time, live out nanny for 1 yr old boy - downtown Manhattan. If you know of anyone... Thanks!
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]hello my name is Sisilah and i am looking for work and yes full time. i have great references .i do have experience from new born to toddles and older one's.you can reach me at sisilah001@yahoo.com also 917-528-9803. Thanks Sisilah
[ Reply | Options ]Hi, I am looking for a full time nanny position. I have ten year's experience working with new and toddlers. I am also a certified babynurse CPR. trained. I can be reached at e-mail babygirlb4u1@aol.com thanks.
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[-]I am moving to the city and have a very strong connection at Spence (DD will be starting K in a year). Can anyone tell me what its reputation is and any first hand knowledge of it would be really appreciated. (both good and bad)
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I know people who got off the Spence wl with "very strong connections". That's the most any connection will do (probably true at any school)--won't make a ding into an accept. Spence is tt. Tends to prefer kids with the highest erb scores.
[ Reply | Options ]It's considered an excellent school academically. We didn't personally visit, but from friends who did, they all thought it was a top-notch program, great school with great facilities, etc. Some people did feel that the parent body was more formal and dressier than at some other schools, and its reputation is that it's a bit flashier in terms of the community than some other schools. However, you could judge that for yourself. Its reputation is that it leans towards "alpha girls" in terms of the personality it looks for, although obviously all schools want a variety of types. It's also supposed to put a fair amount of weight on ERBs and to be a bit tougher on young summer birthdays than other comparable schools.
[ Reply | Options ]welcome to new york! spence has many reputations, and i think you should ignore all of them. i know a few spence families and they are so happy there. one girl is blonde, blue eyed and has a really good time there, another is part indian and she is thriving as well. based on their experiences, i would say that the school does an excellent job of paying attention to each and every child, and making sure that socially each child is comfortable. academically, it seems fine, i'm sure it's more than fine. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]i think the best thing you can do is spend time with the strong connection and get that person to put you in touch with current spence parents. they can tell you what it's really like. also, go to any and all spence events that are open to the public. you'll get a vibe from that which you may or may not like.
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I am TTC and need to do IVF but got postponned 1 month due to cysts (I am also a low egg producer). I went out last night and got very drunk (I have no tolerance since I rarely drink now). I am worried that this will negatively impact my upcoming IVF cycle. Am I overthinking this? Dr. said it was ok to have 1-3 drinks per week. I probably had about 6. I am feeling miserable and guilty since I should have known better.
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[-]help! dh and i just made huge decision to relocate to southern CA. we don't want to live in LA. were thinking more like la jolla or manhattan beach or laguna. does anyone know what towns have top-notch public schools (and are very family-friendly) in that area of CA? we're totally open. money is an issue but not a huge one. thanks so much!
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LOLOLOLOLOL! California's public schools are overrun by illegal aliens. Good luck with that, though.
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Um, not true. CA resident here, in one of those "expensive" towns. You've never heard of busing?
[ Reply | Options ]we're moving to CA! please let me know what "expensive" town you live in and your thoughts. thanks
[ Reply | Options ]Los Angeles Unified School District encompasses the whole county of L.A. So there is a chance that school children will be bused. This is not an issue in Orange County. Each city has it's own school district so it would be highly unlikely that poor children would be bused out of district.
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You're absolutely wrong about that. LAUSD doesn NOT encompass the whole county of LA, just most of it. There are many cities in LA county that do not belong to LAUSD. There is Santa Monica and Malibu, which have their own school districts. Beverly Hills has their own school district also, which is excellent. Culver City has their own and so does Burbank. If you go up beyond the valley there's Agoura Hills, Thousand Oaks, Calabasas (another excellent school district), and many other towns that are part of LA county but not LAUSD. Hope that helps. But it's correct that you don't want to send your kid to LAUSD. You may as well send them to school in Tijuana since more than 80% of the kids are Hispanic.
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You always pop up when anyone talks about California schools, you little racist troll. Do you get some kind of alert there under your creepy bridge when someone posts? Ick.
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It's true, CA is overrun with illegals but then again, so is New York. Even worse, NY is also overrun with Puerto Ricans which is just as bad! So I think I'd rather live in CA than NY.
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Great. How is it you don't know that CA is stuggling with a huge illegal immigration problem--one that costs the state billions a year?
[ Reply | Options ]I don't live in East Los Angeles, Watts, or any of the border towns so the illegal alien problem doesn't bother me. I also don't collect welfare or state funded program money so the deficit doesn't concern me. Sure, my taxes are a little high (que sera, sera)...but so are taxes in NY...I wouldn't trade living in SoCal for anything. You can't argue the awesome weather & the layed back people. You NYers should try not to have such big sticks up your asses so much & relax like we do. :-)
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I can know all about California's immigration issues - as well as all the state's issues that have nothing to do with immigration, such as ineffectual governance and inane public and fiscal policy - without resorting to reducing an entire group of HUMAN BEINGS to the dehumanizing term "illegals" and without implying that *all* schools in the entire state of California (with and without illegal immigrants) are somehow horrible/unfit bc some do have illegal immigrants as students.
[ Reply | Options ]"Illegal" is a term for people who are here illegally, Stupid. If the shoe fits.... There's nothing you can say to make it untrue, when Latinos come here illegally then they are considered "Illegal Aliens" - get it? And the fact is that the schools with the higher number of children who are illegal or are only legal because their mothers were crowning as they crossed the border, are the schools that perform the worst. It's a fact! Look it up.
[ Reply | Options ]btw: Billions of dollars are spent each year in emergency room care, schools, free-lunch programs in schools, and welfare for illegals! You can look up those stats too, lame-brain.
[ Reply | Options ]Sigh. I have decided to pretend you do not exist as the alternative makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Please continue your spewing of vitriol and name-calling, your stingy, hateful spirit, and your inability to empathize or imagine a life without resources - it clearly seems to get you off. Me, I'll be elsewhere.
[ Reply | Options ]Stingy? Are you friggin' kidding me? Oh, I'm sorry, since I don't believe in paying welfare to millions of people who shouldn't even be in this country then go ahead & consider me "stingy" (eyeroll). Puhleeeeze! I think the only one getting off here is you with your blind bad eyes & the muffs over your ears (is it still THAT cold in NYC?) Idiot.
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[-]OK WOHM's please help me! Dropped dc's off at day care as I do every week 3 days a week. There was a baby in db's room that clearly needed his mommy - was throwing up, had a helmet type thing on his head. Sinc ei left that room I have just felt like I could burst into tears and feel like all kids need their mommy and wonder what the he!! I was doing leaving them and going to work. I've always just made peace with the fact that I am a WOHM today is the first day I am struggling. I am sure everyone has been here but today it just slammed me. Words of wisdom to make me feel better would be fabulously appreciated. And, trolls, seriously, do not tell me I am a lousy mom because I work.
89 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Aw poor mommy! Hugs. I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat - I think we all know that children need their moms. In a perfect world we would all get to be with them. But it is not a perfect world, and acknowledging that you know they need you, doesn't mean they won't be perfectly fine if you work. So, you just carry on and do the best that you can. You are a good mom, you keep being a good mom. My motto is I'm good enough. And I am!
[ Reply | Options ]I strongly disagree with this. A "perfect world" does not mean one in which all women would stay at home with their dcs.
[ Reply | Options ]saw a post below saying that the SAHM moms were posting and wanted to make it clear, I am first responder and a WOHM.
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nothing. the issue is what is the matter with YOU, suggesting that a perfect world is one in which all women sah.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm not the OR, I am the person who thinks you have some lessons to learn about not calling people nuts. And I found her post to be supportive. She said babies need their moms (I agree) and in a perfect world moms would get to stay at home with their babies (I agree). She didn't say you were a bad mom if you had to go to work 4 weeks after your child was born. Stop calling people names! It is unattractive - even if I can't see your face.
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ITD. dbs do NOT need their moms "all the time." Some separation is at worst harmless for a child and can even be good. What's important is that the caretaker(s) are loving and trustworthy and that mom & dad are around a lot....but it doesn't have to be 24x7.
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this isn't going to make you feel any better but i feel that all young babies need their moms and what is happening to this world that babies are dropped off in baby factories where their cries are not attended to and their need to be picked up and hugged and loved is not being met. i hate daycare and am vehemently against it for dc's. i respect taht many moms absolutely need to work, but if so, a nanny at home is so much better. maybe you should follow your instincts and look into getting a nanny so your dc can at least be in their own home and cared for in an more sane environment. i'm sorry to upset you but the thought of that baby crying and throwing up makes me wonder why the mom had him in the first place.
[ Reply | Options ]so if we work out an equation: daycare<nanny<mom? how 'bout we just say it all works out in the end, and op is having a bad day, but hardly irrevocably harming her child.
[ Reply | Options ]yes, i would for sure venture to say that the baby who was "clearly needing his mommy" and was throwing up might be emotionally harmed if he does not have his physical nad emotional needs met day after day. what else would happen to him if this becomes the case day after day, the poor thing? do you think he'll be optimistic and happy after 2 years of that? i don't think so.
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I would have agreed with you about day care vs nanny until I had a cr@ppy nanny. Now, I would never leave my baby with someone I didn't know very well. I like the multiple adults in the room with the kids, I like the socialization and the crying baby was getting a ton of attention.
[ Reply | Options ]so you think this baby was just crying for attention? i think the baby was crying because he was feeling what a baby feels as sadness and that a mom or a nanny with whom he has bonded, picking him up will show him that the world is a responsive to his needs place to live in, as opposed to having a stone put in his outstretched hand. dramatic yes, but true. if he were with his mom or a caring nanny he would be hugged, fed and played with. of courses nannies need to be checked out and trained, but daycare is a sad place for babies.
[ Reply | Options ]you've obviously never been to a day care center - I do not find them sad at all. Again, I used to think the same way you do until I found a fabulous center with teachers/ care givers that I would have in my own home taking care of my children. My timing is actually good with day care - with the market the way it is and so many out of work, the classes are very small and babies are getting a great deal of attention. I think this particular baby was crying because he is sick - hence, the puking.
[ Reply | Options ]You are TOO MUCH lady! She said that the baby was being attended to & which would show him that the "world is responsive to his needs"! FWIW, how on earth do you know that a nanny would pick the kid up - she many very well think the kid needs to cry & there are no checks like there are in daycare. Kids in quality daycare or with quality nannies are not damaged in any way & are sometimes better off than dc of SAHMs - they are in no way worse off as you seem to assume.
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you don't know what you're talking about, or you've never seen a good daycare, which can be infinitely better than nannies because of the socialization and the number of adults around. at least limit it to say, "in your experience," and not act like you can speak for ALL daycare centers. please! some nannies abuse the kids, too, but that doesn't mean people shouldn't use nannies. what is up with these broad, unqualified generalizations?!
[ Reply | Options ]Why do we all have to follow your moral guidelines? I'm sure you're doing some things that others wouldn't approve of.
[ Reply | Options ]Oh, you "respect" that moms absolutely need to work. How kind of you. I work because I choose to - care to come over and sterlize me?
[ Reply | Options ]np Y'know what? I don't respect moms that say they "need" to work. They need to work to maintain their quality of life is what it is. As for moms like you, I wouldn't take it as far as sterilization, but truly I do wonder why you had children. You really aren't raising them, no matter what you tell yourself about the hours that you're actually home.
[ Reply | Options ]Are you seriously this stupid? My parents made $40k. Combined. We lived in a studio apartment. There were no nice things that we could have forgone and had my mom SAH. You're a spoiled, entitled, princess. BTW, I am Ivy League educated, with a Masters degree, working at a nonprofit. My life is just fine, even though my mother worked.
[ Reply | Options ]it's women like you who I always want to ask why you even bother educating your daughters. Why not just send them to cooking school and baby care classes becuase what's the point of having them strive for anything for themselves, if they are just supposed to give it all up when they have kids? Or in the alternative if your daughter wants to go to lawschool or medical school are you going to require that she agree to never have kids?
[ Reply | Options ]and yes, of course you can always quit a job. but no one goes to Law school or Medical school INTENDING to give it up, when they have kids. They may decide to do that, but NO 20 yo woman who is killing herself in college to get good enough grades to get into medical school and then killing herself to surive and complete medical school is thinking "well I'll do this for a few years until I decide to have babies" It's not like going to secretarial school.
[ Reply | Options ]I think you have it all wrong. I am college (a very good college) educated and never thought when I was in school that I would be a stay at home mom one day. But, my priorities changed, and here I am. I don't ever think of myself as having given anything up. I really see it as a gain, all the way around. But, that's me.
[ Reply | Options ]If you are still out there, then you are the one that has it all wrong. That was choice, which you made at the time, and happens to be the same choice I made. In fact, I have a law degree. My point was that you seem to be saying that anyone who has kids should stay home with them, becuase you don't understand why a women would even have kids if they are just going to leave them with other caregivers and go to work. So my point was if you know you want to have kids why even bother getting an education or establishing a career if you HAVE to give it up to have kids. What's the point. I spent 100k on my law degree (forget my college degree) if I knew I was going to HAVE to give it up I never would have done that. It's the choice that matters. ...
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I also think that nannies are usually best for very young children, but I realize that they are very expensive and out of reach of most families. Parents do their best, and few can afford to stay home with their children or to hire a nanny to do so. I don't know why you feel the need to make them feel bad about this.
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OP, sounds like you've got the sahm nuts on board who are implicitly or explicitly suggesting that life would be better if you stayed at home with your dcs. This is not necessarily true. You should do what makes you happy because that will make you a better parent. Moreover, it's not the staying at home that will make your children happy, successful, well-adjusted members of society, it's the values you transmit to them and the role-modeling that you do for them. one important lesson you are providing is that it is possible to make contributions to the world as a wohm and be a great mom. you are both, and that's an important, significant lesson, not to mention the role modeling that you do in your workplace (re: work-life balance) and ...
[ Reply | Options ]^^(re: work-life balance) and for women who wonder can it be done. Yes, it can, and you're doing it. How do i know all this? b/c my mom was a wife, mother, wohm, who went back to school and recently earned her doctorate. i could not be more proud of the lessons she has imparted. and having gone to tt ivy leagues, i obviously didn't suffer for the choice, either. GL.
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you! This almost made me cry - having a sensitive day! Unsure how I would do as a SAHM but right now, it's not an option financially. That being said, I am lucky to love my job, have an enormous amount of flexibility and work 5 minutes from home. Things could be worse - I could commute 2 hours each way and only have a short time every day with my children. For my 3.5 yo this is the best thing - she is painfully shy and the socialization at day care is so much more than she would get at home. I figured I'd get the holier than thou crowd all worked up - it was not on purpose - was really looking for people like you to try to put things in perspective. Thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]you've got a TON going for you -- stay positive! especially with a "painfully shy" dd, you are teaching her some important lessons about independence, etc. focus on the good stuff and keep your chin up.
[ Reply | Options ]np Honestly, I do not think I am holier than thou. It's not about being better than you AT ALL. It's truly wondering why you wanted to have kids if you could not be with them in their baby years. I just will never understand that.
[ Reply | Options ]And I am truly wondering why YOU wanted to have kids if YOU don't plan to be with them throughout all of the years, not just the baby years. I mean, seriously, why on EARTH did you have children if you plan to send them to school? I hope you are not implying that you don't plan to teach be with them every moment of every day for the next 18 (at least!) years! How will they grow and feel loved and nurtured if you do not home-school them and never let them out of your sight? You sound like a horrible mother, planning to abandon your children to the care of others during the daytime after the "baby years!" Please re-assure me that this is not the case, and that you WILL be home-schooling and home with your kids for ever and ever and ever....
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np Yeah, because her baby at day care is really impressed with all the life lessons that mommy is imparting. Puh-leeeze.
[ Reply | Options ]yes, but what about the parents that dump a baby under one year in a daycare? what kind role modeling values is this kid getting, other than being shown that they have to wait to have their needs met? babies under one, BION, are developing their feelings of trust and well being and optimism about the world they have just entered.
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I think the bigger issue s/b the US being the nation it is and having the worst leave policy for parents of newborn children. Why aren't the liberals pushing for this? Forget univerasal healthcare!!
[ Reply | Options ]because there are 47M uninsured people out there, and we can't even get anyone to give a crap about them (most of them are children, btw). you can imagine if someone said we wanted to have time with our children.
[ Reply | Options ]I completely agree with you - it is pathetic that time off with a newborn in this country is called "disability". I find it absurd that there are only a few 3rd world countries that have poilcies similar to the US. In the US there is so much focus on working that the thought of family is left on the wayside. Pitiful.
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1) it's only 3 days a week, so not the majority of his time. You must have selected the daycare for a reason? It will help your child to be more social and adjustable. Believe me, I went the nanny route and I worry I've created spoiled brats. Having to share, etc. in school has been very helpful.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, but babies under one year of age don't need to socialize or learn to share. They do need to develop a sense of trust that they count and that their needs will predictability be met. I think a nanny provides this far better than daycare can. Daycare at age two is a whole other issue; that is when kids need to learn the interactions, but before, they are vulnerable little beings and day and day learn about their world depending on how their needs are met.
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While this is an arguable point considering the college placement I would not automatically write off this school even if your dc is a high scorer on the ERB. The lower school is a great place for boys who may need a little nurturing and the school's emphasis on the importance of developing as a "gentleman" helps to create a well rounded individual. There's a tone of comraderie and affection I haven't seen in any other school - co-ed or ss. That said I don't think a large percentage of Browning K students stay through to grade 12. IMO, its physical size works against it but I would strongly endorse the lower school.
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the new admissions director was the worst interviewer i ever experienced...no questions, just a long long boring monologue about sonmething--thought it was us until I heard she did it with others
[ Reply | Options ]While the shoes of the former DOA are hard to fill ( now at CSH)the new DOA had a very tough year last year (2008) which was her first on the job at Browning.
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Yes, I heard she retired. Jackie Casey is equally as warm, nice and down to earth as BR but without the caftans and physical presence.
[ Reply | Options ]OR: don't know anything about Barbara Root but the commercial you did for Jackie might or might not be true but it does not take away from the fact she was a terrible face for the school
[ Reply | Options ]Jackie was a terrible face for Brwoning? She left in spring 2008. The new person's dh passed away in the beginning of the 2008-09 school year and I think that deserves a little empathy. Sorry you did not have a good experience. I do miss Jackie.
[ Reply | Options ]SEe I could not even remember the interviewer's name it was so bad, so I assumed it was theat person Jackie who interviewed us last Nov/Dec.. I am very sorry for the new person's horrific loss..maybe her suffering manifested itself in "too much babble"..I hope she recovers in all ways...
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why did she have such a tough year?? given the continued excess demand over supply for these seats --I assume she filled her classes so what is/was the issue in your mind????
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[-]speaking of pools, my dd has a friend (they're both 7) who has a pool in her backyard. friend's mom asked my dd over for a pool playdate. my dd swims well, but still I wouldn't feel completely comfortable unless I knew for sure that the mom would be there at all times, and if she had to go in for a second, that the girls get out of the water. can I say that to her without being rude? thx.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Can you drill it into your daughter that she has to get out of the pool if her friend's mom steps away?
[ Reply | Options ]I told her that, and she's good about listening, but you never know, the mom could step in the house for a few seconds and the girls could be so engaged with each other that they wouldn't notice. I was thinking I could tell the mom that she doesn't swim that well and to make sure that if she's not there, that my dd gets out of the pool.
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I have a pool in my backyard and would understand completely if another mom didn't want dc to come swim with us. I wouldn't think it was rude at all if you didn't allow it or asked if I'd watch all the time.
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