[-]Left my husband because of domestic abuse that escalated to death threats. I've already sunk $8,000 that was mostly borrowed into lawyer for Family Court for Support and Custody hearings. We haven't even gotten to the divorce yet. My lawyer nonchalantly told me today that I will have to cough up another $5,000 for another hearing and a trial. I don't even have money to buy clothes for my child and I for the Fall/Winter. Should I start trying to raise money to pour into this legal black hole or should I just throw up my hands and seek legal aid from one of the domestic violence orgs offering free legal counsel? I'm worried that "free" = inferior. WWYD?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I was in a similar situation, except I had no money and he had all the money. I used a legal aid lawyer and she kicked some serious ass in the courtroom. I got full custody, descent child support which included medical coverage, and he had to continue to pay for our housing. I did not ask for alimony because I did not want one more dime from that fucker than I needed. I was really happy with my free legal aid attorney. If you get one, help them out by making sure you document what your asshole husband does or says, have all your paperwork ready at a moments notice, don't badmouth your spouse to your children, and if you can put your children in therapy so that they have an outlet to deal with all this drawn out mess. It helps.
[ Reply | Options ]btdt: lose the lawyer get legal aid. family court is a nightmare. in a domestic violence suit i would say that you should just keep your mouth shut and let legal aid take care of it. the less you say the better it will be. just be sure to make your wishes known behind the curtain.
[ Reply | Options ]I think this is really good advice. Anything you say can be used against you. Everything you say should be about the child only, what is good for him/her. Pretend your husband doesn't exist, let the lawyers attack him. You must must must smell like a rose, even if you have an abusive spouse.
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OP here, thank you all for your advice. You confirmed what I was thinking. Do any of you ladies have specific recommendations of where to look for legal aid? I've already left mesages with Legal Clinics of Sanctuary for Families and Safe Horizon. TIA
[ Reply | Options ]If you feel as though you're still in danger from your ex, and will be in the future, you can change your ssn in addition to getting restraining orders: http://www.socialsecurity.gov/pubs/10093.html
[ Reply | Options ]Talk to Safe Horizon - they provide services related to domestic violence and can advise you on your legal options, maybe even help you find a good lawyer. 1-800-621-HOPE www.safehorizon.org Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]If you talk to the domestic abuse services groups and don't seem to be finding the legal help you need, you might consider trying to apply to high-profile firms directly for pro-bono help. Or at least looking through the pro-bono sections of their sites and getting in touch with their community liaisons. I'm honestly not exactly sure how it works myself since I've never needed it. Good luck!
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[-]Do you think the sneakers that light up are too distracting for preschool?
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[-]Do you clean 3 year-old boy's penis after he pees in the toilet?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]i wish there was another way. the shake is messy and you always see men with wet spots on the front of their pants and the pee just goes onto the walls and floors of bathroom. yuck.
[ Reply | Options ]the dh above. The splashing you see on the walls/floors is not from the shake. For the most part, it isn't even urine. It is, ime, mostly from the splash in the toilet. Take a water bottle and squirt it into the commode from groin height and you'll get the same few drops on the floor.
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[-]anyone know anything about jewelry online? Found a ring I like and think the owner is asking way too much... anyone know sometihng about prices on jewelry or value of stones, etc?
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[-]When did you start letting your 3 year-old go to the bathroom on his/her own in your own house?
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[-]i need a new sofa. i want high quality but not crazy $$$$. anyone buy from williams sonoma home or restoration hardware?
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Mitchell Gold makes a lot of the furniture for WS and RH. I would check out their website first. I had specific size considerations and I found a sofa that would fit perfectly for the room, versus working the room around a sofa. You will have to find a local boutique to order the furniture through, since you can't get it on-line, but there are tons of colors and fabric options and you can really look at a variety of different shapes and sizes.
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[-]Is there anything healthy to eat for dinner in Budapest, Prague and Vienna? I want to taste different specialties but not overdo it. Besides, we have Sacher Torte at Cafe Sebarsky so I know how rich those cakes can be... traveler Moms - suggestions?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]it is definitely harder in all those places to get salads, vegetables, etc. in prague, i often ordered what i thought were closer to salads and ended up not being. cucumber soup is popular there and if you see it on a menu, you can order it, but it is not really a soup; it's shredded cucumber in some water. http://www.happycow.net/europe/czech_republic/prague/ these are veg restaurants in prague. we went to the second country life and it was decent and definitely a nice change of pace. i've been a couple times and have never found truly, truly good healthy options--it's just not the cuisine. good luck! all three places are beautiful and you will love them. if you are with DCs i suggest taking out a pedal boat on the river.
[ Reply | Options ]OP - thanks! I'll also look for the "cucumber soup" over there, even if it's shredded cucumber in water - that can be very refreshing after all that sausage, schnitzel, beer, potatoes and cake. I can hear my arteries congealing now...
[ Reply | Options ]OP - ps - thanks for telling me about www.happycow.net because it's great having vegetarian restaurants for all the places we'll be visiting - at least now we have options. Bless you.
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[-]Are there any happy lawyers out there? do you enjoy your work? do you have a family/are you able to see your kids?
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if you never see your kids and do not enjoy your work, maybe change your life so that your kids can have a mother around? when did this priority get thrown out the window? very sad.
[ Reply | Options ]I was only kidding! I'm not a lawyer, nor do I work full time. It just sounded like OP knew the answer before asking -- perhaps worried the hours are too long? It's sort of like someone asking whether they should become a chef when they don't really want to work nights and weekends...
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http://pipecvsem.kilu.de/vave.html herbal
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Yes, but am extremely lucky b/c work pt-time and pick up child every day after school...part-time is the ONLY way if you are lucky enough to get it...otherwise not enough time in the day and too much stress
[ Reply | Options ]the vast majority of female lawyers i know are not happy and/or have already left the legal profession. the ones who are most professionally successful either do not have families (some by choice, but many not) or are constantl struggling to balance work/family. the ones who are happiest followed a calling into an area of law for other than financial benefit (public defender, environmental protection, etc.). signed, former lawyer.
[ Reply | Options ]Govt lawyer; yes I see my kids; I enjoy the work but not all the bullshit and bureaucracy that goes with it. This job was a huge pay cut and less prestige than biglaw job I had, but this allows me to have some kind of work/life balance. Plus I am main breadwinner, and I can support my family on this salary.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, but I no longer practice...work in fundraising for a nonprofit that gives me flexible hours and is very family-friendly. In fact, I'm taking my daughter to work with me today! However, I will say that full-time is always going to be a balancing act and I feel a lot of pressure (and guilt) for working full-time, despite that I have it better than others who have to work full-time...
[ Reply | Options ]Happy-ish. I'm a partner at a boutique and my hours are 10-6, and very flexible about taking whatever time i need for dr's appts, when nanny is out, etc. Job gets stressful, and i don't make anywhere near what people expect of lawyers, but for 10-6, it's a pretty good deal. As good as it can be doing anything else considering that i have to work FT. I certainly gripe about it a lot, but that being said, i think i'd be much unhappier doing anything else. I certainly won't encourage my kids to go to law school, but the work can be really interesting and I have incredible clients and get to work with some fascinating people.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm a happy lawyer. I'm a partner at a midsize national firm. I love my practice area (civil rights on the plaintiff side)in terms of it being personally rewarding and financially rewarding. Most of my cases are contingency fee based instead of billable hours, so my hours aren't crazy. I tend to go into the office late morning so I can take dc to school, but I work a bit late so dh or nanny, usually gets dinner ready. I'm on maternity leave now which is very generous (4+ months), although after 2 months, I'll probably handle a few matters from home.
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[-]How much stuff do you put in goodie bags for guests at kids' bday parties? How much should I plan on spending on each one? DstepD will be 5 next month, this is the first party i'm doing.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I just make a musi cd with ds (least annoying) favorite songs. Download from iTunes. It's been a hit for 3 years so far. Create cd cover to coordinate with bday theme.
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Read your user agreement with iTunes - downloads are for your personal use, not to copy and give away to others. Ever hear of copyright laws? A shut down file sharing site called Napster?
[ Reply | Options ]It's fair use, IMHO. Just like those mixed tapes we made for each other decades ago.
[ Reply | Options ]And remember when the music industry was saying the cassette tape would but the music business out of business. It would cripple them. They even tried to get congress to make the format illegal, saying no one would buy music anymore. LOL. What a crock. Pretty soon they'll be able to beam the music right onto your brain permanently. Guess I'll have to buy The White Album again.
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np: I think that's right. You can't download something, even if you pay for it, copy and distribute. If that were legal only one person would ever have to pay for a song. Maybe not like stealing toys, more like buying one book, making photocopies, binding them like a book, and handing them out.
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I skipped the gift bag this year and just got balloons and gave one to each kid as they left. It was a hit, but then again it was for a 3-year old's party.
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[-]If your dc was dissatisfied with school last year, what are you telling your dc this school term to make things different?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I am struggling with this. I am trying to make DC remember the things he likes. I am trying to show him no school is perfect. How old is your unhappy child. Mine is entering 2nd grade.
[ Reply | Options ]np: Mine dd is entering 2nd as well and had a really hard time last year and this year her best friend has moved. She had a great experience in camp and made a lot of friends so I'm hoping this confidence will stick with her thoughout this school year...but the mean girls are still there.
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new year, new start, maybe some new kids, but... while we all know schools are social, the main reason kids are there is to learn. I tell my ds that school is his job just like going to work is mine. I don't like everyone I work with, but that's not the reason I'm there, etc
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[-]How do you interpret a nail salon hours? Pinky on the UWS says they are open until 9pm M-F but when I just walked in at 8:35 and asked for a pedicure, they turned me away. I'm really annoyed. Shouldn't I be able to get a pedicure if I get in there before 9? Otherwise the sign should say, "last service at 8:30" or some such.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]That's not how most things work, though. Go into a restaurant that closes at 10 around 9:55 and see what kind of looks you get from the waiters. Even if the business WILL serve you, it is very rude to go in if you cannot be finished with the service by closing time. It's common sense (and politeness).
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[-]Homicidal about mens' huge laundry. Big underwear, big shirts, huge pants. I'm beginning to hate it.
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]DH puts everything in the laundry. If he wears a shirt for an hour, he'll wash it. Drives me nuts.
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omg. we're married to the same man. what is it about men and laundry? my college bf was constantly laundering his clothing also. my dh wants me to do laundry every other day because he has a FAVORITE PAIR OF SOCKS he likes to wear as often as possible. makes me want to stab something. (this is a huge waste of water.) plus, come on, how soiled can pants get, from walking around in nice weather for a few hours?
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OP - DH is over 6'0 so all his stuff is SO BIG. You should see how we travel - his luggage is heftier than mine could ever be. If he travels anywhere, he has to have clean clothes for every day he travels - socks, underwear, undershirts, regular shirts - it's endless. Of course, women's underthings are so much scantier and easier to wash, but still. He insists men have different needs when traveling and at home - men sweat a lot more than women (which is true). But let the laundry go for two days, and there's a pile up.
[ Reply | Options ]OP - it's not that men can't do laundry, it's that they're careless and don't do it well. You have to train men and children endlessly - no one trained us - after college we learned, and it's in our job description as Moms. But boy, do I hate his laundry sometimes. Daughter's too - especially those little ped socks she throws into a hamper scrunched up so I have to unscrunch it before laundering. I think I need a break from the endless laundry...
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[-]Why would a parent send their child to a charter montessori school after attending local public kindergarten?
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[-]can someone please post the meatball recipe from Rao's cookbook. I'm out of town and need it desparately! TIA
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]http://therecipereader.com/meatballs-raos.htm (google is your friend).
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