[-]WWYD? Every year, my in-laws dictate every day of the holidays and Christmas is a 3 day event.Christmas Eve starts at 2PM and doesn't end under well after midnight. Kids open presents all day. Then Christmas Day our DCs are too exhausted to open Santa's gifts and then the festival starts all over again. And then the day after all of the "cousins" have to get together to play with the toys and by this time they are banging off the walls. Now mind you they NEVER ask when we will see "MY" family or when my family will see the kids. This year I want to have Christmas Eve by just the four of us-me, DH, DD and DS. Is that so wrong? Is that selfish? Will that cause havoc? Isn't it time for us to have our family traditions?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Your in-laws dictate because you follow their directions. Stop following their orders and take charge of your life.
[ Reply | Options ]"Well it's important for the kids together and see each other." "It's a tradition we've had for years." "I may be dead soon-I want to see the kids as much as possible." How do you deal with that? We tried this a few years ago when I was 8 months pregnant and there was a snowstorm but we had to go.
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Have your dh call them and say that you two together have decided to start a new tradition of Christmas Eve at home. Then he can tell them what time you'll all show up Christmas Day.
[ Reply | Options ]You have to tell her now (and give plenty of warning) that you AND dh have decided to create your own traditions as a family. You will attend (fill in blank) at her house but on (fill in blank) you will be celebrating as a family of 3. Don't ask her permission or opinion. You can say change is hard, I know - but as someone who so completely enjoys "family tradition" I'm sure you will understand our desire to make our family traditions too. And say no more (and DON"T cave). If she objects and says whatever - you say, I'm sorry. That is the phrase to her objections and death threats, I'm sorry. That's it. You are right by the way, as long as you come up with a healthy balance.
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[-]i was recently names the godmother of my friend's son and need to get him a gift for the upcoming christening. she is my best friend...what should i give??
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[-]Has anyone actually tried the new instant coffee from Starbucks? What did you think?
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[-]Why do people feel the need to run out an buy a minivan the second their baby is born?
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[-]We were at a family function with the parents in law and BIL and SIL. They have two DCs-ages 10 and 8. We have two DSs ages 5 and 3. I told my 3YO to come with me to get his diaper changed (I know-separate story) and he said no. Before I could even say anything, my 10YO niece said, "Now Ryan, you must listen to your mother." I was shocked but gathered myself and said, "Honey I think I can discipline my own child without your help. I am the adult and you are still a child too." Ryan got up and followed me. When I came back, my MIL and FIL pulled me aside and yelled at me for my "tone" with my niece and she is free to help discipline my DCS. EXCUSE ME?? Since when do I have to take guff from a 10YO??? Am I wrong here? oh and SIL was i...
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I never gave her permission to 'watch' my kids. I didn't ask for her help. Where are we as a society when a child can undermine an adult???
[ Reply | Options ]You were wrong on the day, and you are wrong now - you have some parenting issues that you should probably look at - I'll take a guess - you don't like the way you SIL raises her children and you are reacting as if she said this to you and not her dd? Just a guess - but lady, you need to get off the computer and think and look at your for a bit.
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Girls that age like to play babysitter/mommy/etc. with little kids. She was just trying to help you. She wasn't threatening him or disciplining him, just backing you up. I'm sure you really hurt her feelings.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA!! She was backing you up. You are overly sensitive about your parenting skills. I think the key thing here is your notation of a 3 year old in a diaper"I know. Separate story". I think you are embarrassed about it- maybe Inlaws have given you grief. I would have found it a little annoying to have a 10 year old say something but I would NEVER have said anything to her. She was trying to be helpful.
[ Reply | Options ]Well said. I don't think the rest of the family needed to react that way, but maybe you tend to be a little caustic with the cousins, so I have a feeling that they felt they needed to point that out to you. I am sure you really hurt the 10 year old's feelings. She was trying to help. When your kids are older you will understand.
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Well, your response was weird to begin with. Telling your son that he should listen to you is NOT disciplining. If I were your SIL, I'd be pissed but tears is a bit over the top. I think you should call your niece and apologize and leave it at that. It will filter down to the rest of the family.
[ Reply | Options ]I probably would have ignored her little fresh ass and gave her the "watch it, little girl" side eye. But perhaps you were too abrupt with her. As for your MIL & FIL they were out of line too. But once again, I would have ignored them or I would have said, I apologize for taking an abrupt tone with Cindy and walked away.
[ Reply | Options ]You are wrong. If you were my SIL, I'd think you were a nightmare. A 10-year old girl told your dc he must listen to his mother and you responded as if it was a direct criticism of you. You should examine your own issues -- it sounds like something deeper is going on as your niece did something that 99% of people would understand and not take personally.
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Your niece tried to please you and support you, and you are insecure enough of your own parenting to snap at a 10 year old.
[ Reply | Options ]You moron yelled at a little kid (10 year olds are little kids). I could see you being annoyed if MIL intervened, but snapping at a little kid. You're a total insecure moron and I would not invite you again to my house without an apology
[ Reply | Options ]this has to be fake. I hope no adult is so mean that they need to attack a 10 yr old who is trying to be friendly
[ Reply | Options ]Classic new mother (though not so new) sensitivity and bullshit. Maybe OP is already sensitive that 3 year old is still in diapers. My DD is 11 and we are around toddlers all the time and she always reinforces what their parents say. This girl was trying to do you a favor and get your toddler on your side (which is a whole nother story) and you snub her. You should apologize.
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NP So funny, and so true. I remember having a crazy aunt yell at me when I was about that age, maybe 11, because she asked if I liked avocado and I guess I said yes, but then when she made me a salad I ate it but did not eat the avocado and while she was scraping my plate she said RUDELY "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LIKED AVOCADO" -- I have never forgotten it. I don't care now, obviously, but I was really hurt/sheepish at the time and it stung.
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you were SO wrong to speak so meanly to a sweet ten year old who was just trying to be helpful. i think you might have anger problems stemming from the fact that your three y/o is stil in diapers and this is very upsetting to YOU. not to thers, as many dc's these days still are, esp. boys, but it touched off a wrong nerve but don't take it out on a kid!! call her and apologize.
[ Reply | Options ]This is hilarious. I missed all the action today but I can't believe everyone agrees on this one (I do too). Op sounds like a real pill.
[ Reply | Options ]LOL! I hope your SIL is on UB and sees this entire thread. Even better, I hope she reads it to her daughter.
[ Reply | Options ]I totally agree that OP was wrong and that 10yo niece was trying to help, but if I were SIL, I would probably have told dd quietly to stay out of it to avoid exactly this.
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[-]So depressed. I used to be the type who got every job I applied for (I'm not bragging, it just happened, mostly luck). Got laid off a year ago and can barely get an interview. And when I do, I don't get the job. I totally get that the jobless stats don't include the people who are unemployed but have given up looking. Not that I have, but I'm close....
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]It's not you. Don't personalize it. Anyone hiring right now has so many well qualified applicants to pick & choose from. What's your field?
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I am you! Magazine/publishing, axed last dec, can't even get an interview! Freelance is sparse. And when I was last working as a freelancer, years ago, I had to constantly turn work away because I had so many people offering me gigs. I waver between panic (dh is a publisher freelancer too) and resignation.
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I'm in the same boat and it sucks. I've been temping since March and I feel like I'm getting stuck because I've pretty much given up on the permanent job search. I would say don't take it personal, just keep at it and something will come up eventually.
[ Reply | Options ]Good thing you purchased that C++ programming book. You're not afraid of coding, you recognize that the rewards of feminism allow you to work in traditionally male fields, you're not lazy (you want to diversify your skill set), and above all else, you want to help out your husband.
[ Reply | Options ]Don't give up, and here is some advice I hope helps. I am in a media company that is actually hiring people for a pretty important online section editor position. Incredibly, I'd say at least half the resumes (a lot of resumes, too) come in with typos and cover notes addressed to the wrong person or wrong company. It's bizarre. It's like so many aren't even trying or are used to relatively little competition. Also, another tip: when applying for jobs where resumes can be sent via email change the subject line but keep it related to the position. Gmail, which is what my company uses, threads multiple replies with the same subject line together making it very difficult to sort through when you get 200 resumes with the same subject line. It's ...
[ Reply | Options ]gee, you should actually proofread your resume and cover letter? that really is helpful advice! not.
[ Reply | Options ]np (but also unemployed media!): The subject-line tip is really interesting. I'll definitely keep that in mind! It is easy to stop trying -- I've sent out dozens of resumes and am not getting any response. And I've got TONS of experience, great references, and clips. But still, the competition is daunting these days.
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[-]How important is it really, to have insider connections to the better things in life, such as the best socioeconomic group, the right color, the best clubs? Because since we all have above-average children and some get included and some excluded based on connections, how can we ever expect playing fields to be equal for all?
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Then teach them to be happy and grateful and enjoy their lives without focusing on what everyone else has or is doing or going. This would be a wonderful gift to give them. Happiness, self-confidence and security vs envy, loathing and misery. have to do a reality check myself sometimes and always feel better. What I have isn't everything, but it isn't so bad.
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[-]I have the results of my NT scan (which was good, thankfully) and I am 13 weeks today. When would it be approriate and safest to start telling people? I would like to tell my boss first but I don't want to tell anyone too early. Based upon my results, my doctor is not recommending an amnio...however she said there will be further blood tests weeks from now. Should I wait until then to tell? I have only told a couple of close friends and immediate family
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I actually had to tell my boss and coworkers when I was only 5 weeks pregnant! I'm a bartender and the fact that I wasn't drinking was painfully obvious. I think 13 weeks is safe, especially since you already had a good NT result. Just tell people that it's still early on, and things can change, but keep positive!
[ Reply | Options ]I'm in your boat too. Currently 16-weeks pregnant, and had great NT and quad results, but going in for an amnio today. Will probably wait for those results before I tell anyone.
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I think it's important that she has notice because work would need to be reassigned. I am in a very small department. I am also friendly with her and think she would appreciate the advanced notice. I ended up telling her on Friday...but now I am unsure about whether I should start telling friends and others. Since I' not having an amnio, should I still wait until 16 weeks or later? I think I am starting to show slightly.
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Sorry, but am still obsessing on Letterman...what is the latest? AND: WHY OH WHY DO WOMEN LEAVE THEIR DIARIES LYING AROUND TO BE FOUND!! News reports say "Joe" found Stephanie's diaries after she moved out...take your personal effects, much? Hel-loooo...'memba Paula Zahn....
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[-]I went to a friend's house and it was FREEZING inside. Asked if she had the heat on and she said she doesn't turn the heat on until November. I have never heard of using the calendar to determine when to turn on the heat or am I just "spoiled".
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I just put the heat on yesterday, but got used to a date when I lived in NYC since apartment buildings weren't required by law to provide heat until October 15 (and I always lived in crappy apartment buildings that waited until the last second). If it's cold in October, I'll turn it on, but I also try, particularly in April/May and Sept/Oct to wait to use the AC/heat just because I think we get so used to central air the rest of the year and I think it's a nice time to force ourselves to keep the windows, get some fresh air, and save money on our exorbitant PSEG bills (we're in NJ now), so I can see why someone would do that.
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I know a lot of buildings in NYC don't turn on the heat until a certain day. I think it's sometime in October. So there is always that few couple of weeks when buildings are cold. I'm not surprised by someone making it personal choice to turn on their heat later rather than sooner. I'm not sure if it saves money or resources. Maybe some environmental moms can comment on this.
[ Reply | Options ]How could it not save money/resources? Anyway, the temp here (not NYC) went from quite warm (using fans) to quite cold (hate to admit it, but the furnace is on) in a week. So that's a bit of a shock to the system and people are not used to putting on sweaters, warm socks/slippers, etc at home. And I think those are the first things people should be doing when the weather gets cold. Otherwise you are not really adapting to reality IMO. Hate to see people in sweaters in July (because their AC is set so low) and in t-shirts in January (because their heat is so high). So, I can understand putting a date limit on it to force your family to adjust to the new season. Although it can get a little extreme the other way too... if you are spending all...
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[-]Does anyone else not wear their wedding ring to work? I'm expecting my first and my work colleagues do not even know that I'm married.
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I don't always wear mine, to work or elsewhere. I just need to change it up sometimes. But I think most people don't assume you aren't married if you don't have a ring. It's the modern world, lady.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: I don't wear mine because I work with a lot of old codgers. They would hold it against me. I also want to try my hardest to keep my personal life and work life separate.
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OP: My boss has made comments that women usually put their husband's careers first. I suppose my colleagues suppose you're less committed to your position when you get married.
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I have been told not to wear a wedding/engagement ring when interviewing for academic positions in my field... married woman = more likely to have kids = interrupted productivity. Sad but true.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: I think people blow this out of proportion. In my dept, we have hired pregnant women before and adjusted their start dates accordingly. When I was hired, everyone knew I had a young child. It really depends on the culture of the department, but most are doing much better. Most female faculty come married, and it's expected that many will probably have kids sooner rather than later... as will the men. I think we are learning to deal!
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Me and DH are very casual about wedding rings. I wear my wedding ring as a piece of jewelery. I wear it when I am out but don't when home or play sports. Sometimes, I don't wear to work if I have fights with my DH. My DH never has a wedding ring himself. I got my wedding ring simply because my engagement ring is too loose so I need another ring to put on top. We've been married for 5 years.
[ Reply | Options ]That is just sad. Good companies and bosses encourage family and life outside of work. How long have you worked there that they don't even know that you are married?! I mean, those of us who work spend far more time away from home than in it and your co-workers don't even know you are married? I'll say it: FAKE!
[ Reply | Options ]Never wear my ring on a daily basis-- stopped wearing it after I lost a lot of weight, it fell off, and was lost for two weeks. Also I have a tendency to strip it off when washing dishes, taking a shower, etc. and don't want to misplace it. This works just fine, though ten years ago when I was cuter it caused a misunderstanding with a guy at work, who thought I might be available. Wear it on special occasions... this is fine with dh, who spent more than he could afford on it and was upset the time it got lost.
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[-]When I had my first DS, I called up an old friend and told her. Her response was "Is that what you wanted?" I thought it was an odd response. When I had our second DS, her response was "you can always try again, you're young enough." Now fast forward to my 45th birthday and she got downright angry with me. She said "I can't believe you don't have a girl and you don't want one." I'm very confused with this. Can someone help me? I never stated a preference and I have two healthy, smart, funny and intelligent human beings that I cannot imagine being without.
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[-]Anyone watch The Middle last night w Patricia Heaton? I thought it was pretty funny
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[-]I need a suit that will take me through the rest of my life. What designer? On budget of $500 max.
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]no suit is going to take you through the rest of your life. However if you use it infrequently many years. Brooks Brothers
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my 1st rule for a lasting suit is: no synthetic material. jcrew has 100% wool suits with pants and jackets that range from modern to more traditional. i am not a skiny girl at all and I have woll suits from jcrew that have been used for the last 6 years, and they are still fashionable. make sure you get a fitted jacket.
[ Reply | Options ]sample sale, but it's a lot of work. i got a super gorgeous max mara suit for like 250 a few years ago. i think it's life-able.
[ Reply | Options ]It will need to be a very simple, classic style, not at all trendy (no double breasted, military styling, etc - those things will date the suit quickly). Make it Navy blue or black. If you are only planning on buying one for the next 20 years, you may have to spend more than $500, plan on $400 for a jacket and $250 for pants. Brooks Bros. is a good place to start looking.
[ Reply | Options ]Theory is fantastic and neither frumpy nor overtly trendy. Full price is outside your budget, but they have good sales and their outlet (Woodbury Commons) is very well stocked w/ suits in good colors and normal sizes. They top out around $300 at the outlet.
[ Reply | Options ]A few questions: Business, dress, occasion? What's your coloring and body type? What's your overall personal style?
[ Reply | Options ]*also, what's your age(in appearance/projection)? The 'rest of your life' is pretty ambitious. I agree w/the lack of JCrew quality comments above and think Brooks Bros is fairly unremarkable in cut and styling. The back room at Loehmann's has some incredible suits right now. Believe it or not, my current pic there is Kay Unger. I bought a silk grosgrain classic, fitted, fully lined suit for my uber stylish mom for $50!
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i think that a skirt suit will get less dated than a pants suit, simply because a straight skirt is always a conservative suit option and the only thing that may change is the length which can be easily altered. Pants change a lot more in terms of leg style, waist style, etc. the more conservative the suit, the longer it will last. so a plain navy/charcoal/black "mens style" suit - plain single breasted jacket - is the best option. You can change the top you wear to make it seem more current. Black is more likely to take you day to night than navy or charcoal.
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Made the mistake of going to Boss and looking at suits then going upstairs to J Crew....J Crew looked like walmart in comparison. Brooks Brothers was nice but they weren't stocked well at Ave of America location.
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