[-]DH is talking about traveling to Baghdad, potential contract for his firm with the state department. It would be a huge contract, really important for his business, which has been hit hard this year. Still, I think he's nuts to consider it. I want to be supportive, but on the other hand, I think i should just tell him "no effing way are you going there!" What would you do?
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[-]i have an 11 yr old son who is very smart and creative. But he needs constant supervision to do anything. He is forgetful and always forgets to do write and do his hw. It takes him forever to complete basic tasks. If someone is constantly on top of him he does perfeectly in school, but once you give him some independence he fails miserably. Its very hard to put how he acts in words, and so i think he can fall thru the cracks easily. I dont know what to do.
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i do not mean to be rude, but why is that everybody has a very smart child? why do people hage this urge to describe their dcs like that?
[ Reply | Options ]Create, with him, a checklist of his responsibilities, and make a rule that he must complete the checklist all week, in order to earn certain privilegs on the weekend (TV, video games, seeing friends--whatever will motivate him).
[ Reply | Options ]I have tried this, it doesnt work. Its not that he doesnt care about the reward, its like he has no drive or determination. I gave him independence over a period of a month, and i found out he had over 40 incomplete hws. I have to almost tell him how he should be feeling about things. He failed a test because he didnt bring any pencils to class, and its like he didnt feel anything. I am exhausted. I have to like micro manage him to succeed. I am exhausted.
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I think you might have to make some sort of structured system that keeps him externally motivated. Maybe a point system to earn screen-time (video games, tv, movies,etc.) or a special outing, or whatever motivates him. It's unfortunate that you still have to do this at age 11, but even some adults have to set goals & rewards for themselves when they have problems with motivation & procrastination.
[ Reply | Options ]I read about executive functioning and i think he has none. I also took him to a therapists who says he doesnt have add. But i think im going to take him somewhere else. He is witty, and funny, and charming at first. so a 30 minute session of talking to him wont show much. During school interviews, admin staff LOVE him, but while in school, theyre always complaining about him, since they deal with him for longer periods of time.
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[-]Sorry if this is repeated...looking for an interesting week-end course for my bored suburban teenager who's interested in fashion, cooking, the arts. Any suggestions?
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Can anyone give me the rundown on Baruch? Their tour is after the deadline for ranking the screened high schools, and we're trying to figure out how it might compare to others. How strong is the humanities there, as compared to math/science? Do they have a music program? What's the culture like? All insight appreciated.
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Can anyone give me the rundown on Baruch? Their tour is after the deadline for ranking the screened high schools, and we're trying to figure out how it might compare to others. How strong is the humanities there, as compared to math/science? Do they have a music program? What's the culture like? All insight appreciated.
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[-]Can responsibility be taught? I'm at my wits end with my 6th grader, she doesn't bring home homework, doesn't clean her room and can't keep up with her general responsibilities. Does anyone have any suggestions, whatever it may be, personal experience, books, websites, you name it I'm open to it. Thanks!
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]yes it can be taught. it's a little late in the game but still possible. is she falling back on schoolwork b/c she's not bringing assignments home?
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first thing i'd do is try to meet with her teachers. find out exactly what they are expecting, let them know you are willing to work on it from your end but you need to know what to expect in terms of her homework load. then i'd sit down with your dd and let her know that there's going to be a 30 minute period of each night where you will sit with her at a quiet table and monitor her homework. let her set the parameters. which room, will it be before or after dinner, can she havea snack or a drink with it, can she do it alone or with you helping her, etc.
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Stop doing things for her. She'll learn the consequences for not being responsible: forgets homework: gets in trouble at school: loses pocket money. Can't find her things bec her room is a sty: her problem. Doesn't do her chores: loses privileges. Etc. Set boundaries and expectations for her in relation to all of this.
[ Reply | Options ]If she could do all this on her own she'd be visiting you once a week for dinner and living with other little hipsters. She needs you to manage her and it's not easy. Put a system in place to help her keep organized. I have three dcs 26, 22 and 8 so I've been there. My oldest was the one who needed help my middle guy actually volunteered after school to help middle schoolers organize themselves. Ask your school if they have an older student mentor who can help organize and motivate your 6th grader. She does not need books or websites. She needs to be motivated and sometimes a third party can help.
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[-]Does anyone have teenager's dd? if the answer is yes, which school? and Do you like the school?
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[-]Feeling crummy. DC plays a high school sport & told me not to come watch as it would be embarrassing & no parents come. Just found out every parent goes but me. Ouch. I'm older(50) but trim & dress reasonably. DC at tt private & we don't have the $ most do but I didn't think I was someone to be ashamed of. This hurts.
49 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]you need to confront him about it. Maybe the reason is that he feels he's not as good as his peers at the sport and feel embarassed. If he really is ashamed of you you need to tell him off big time
[ Reply | Options ]OP: thanks posters above for trying. It's a team where you're ranked and DC is #1 so it's not that DC is ashamed of how plays.
[ Reply | Options ]When he graduates with honors from Harvard, he will tell you how much you attending his games ment to him--promise!
[ Reply | Options ]Totally disagree. My best friends were made playing sports, and still to this day, and my very vest friend ahd one of those moms that atteneded every game, puched and pushed. She quit the sport once she got in to Princeton, and her relationship with her mom is crappy. I played in college, and am very close with my mom - who rarely attended.
[ Reply | Options ]My father never attended one of my sports (or other) events. I was always sorry he didn't attend a few. I felt like he wasn't interested in what I was doing. I didn't want my parents there yelling and being loud, just sitting quietly in the back.
[ Reply | Options ]i think it's diff. for everyone. dad was captain of a national football team and his mother never once saw him play the game; when in high school as a cheerleader, parents never came to stuy football or basketball games. i don't think it's necessary to go to all these things at an older age (even at a younger one, truth be told)
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go and don't tell him until many games later that you've already been going. and don't take it personally. kids can be unbelievably mean to their parents without even realizing the impact (see, e.g., df's elementary-aged son who said to her, why can't you be skinny like all the other moms? big ouch.)
[ Reply | Options ]Wish I could give you a hug--I am absolutely you, on all counts. When my oldest dc did this to me, I was crushed. What saved me was younger dc, who insists that I attend all games (and won't go if I don't). Younger one convinced me the problem was not me but standard teenage self-consciousness and cluelessness when it comes to others' feelings. Some kids claim to be embarrassed no matter who their parents are (watch out, Brad and Angelina). If you would enjoy the games, go and have fun. The other parents will be glad to have you and the kids ignore the parents anyway. Other poster also has a point--my older dc is no great athlete and I'm sure that was part of the problem!
[ Reply | Options ]You know what? If he is really #1, and you never go, and he asked that you not come, I would just go OCCASIONALLY, maybe to play-offs. I was a total athlete in High school, varsity as a freshman in field hockey, ice hockey and lacrosse. I played bc I loved it, and my parents never encouraged/pushed sports, or attended every game like other kids' parents. I was much better off bc I played bc I loved it, not my parents. I nnever worried about dissappointing them. I remember my dad actually commenting about my hockey performance once and I felt really really bad.. And actually, when my parents did come, it made me much more nervous. Its very different to have your parents watching you..and if your child does so well without you, you may be he...
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OP: I've never gone to a game as was told parents didn't come & I believed it. Apparently, all the other parents come to support their kids. It hurts to think that DC would rather be the only kid without a parent present than have me there. BTW, this isn't football or some sport with a big crowd. It stands out that DC is the only one without a parent.
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Not exactly the same situation, but similar: when I was in high school my father broke his leg and was in a cast/crutches for 6 months. I hated going anywhere in public with him b/c I felt everyone was looking at us-- in the grocery store, etc., I would walk a distance away from him. To this day I feel bad about it-- I mean what a loser I was! Here he as, divorced dad, couldn't work for 6 months in a bleak New England winter; must have been awful and depressing. OP, I think this is just another case of an insensitive teen. Or maybe other kids have made comments to him (not directly about you) about not having as much $$ and he feels he needs to hide his family? Hard to know. Take heart. In the end he will come to realize what's important.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: thanks for your thoughtful answers. One funny thing tho'...you all assumed DC was a boy but it's a DD. We've always been close & so it came as such a surprise.
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OK. So I was on the son bandwagon, and am the varsity poster above, and a female. My mom never came to much relative to other moms..she cam just enough that I know she knew I was good, and that was it..and I was no 1. If she is a great kid, and she knows you are there for her, dont feel insulted. Be proud of her.
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I would go OP. I'm sorry your DC hurt you this way. I have teens too and they have said and done things which hurt my feelings immensely. But live the commercial tag line...never let em' see you sweat. Teens will say the most hurtful things on the planet, because all that hormone coursing through their veins makes them psychotic and somewhere in the back of their minds they know you can take it and you know what. We can. Also, don't fret about your age. I'm a "young mom" and my children were embarrassed of me once they became teenagers. I had them young and I look really young. They didn't like that their friends would say I looked like J. Lo or Beyonce (no I do not dress like them. I'm actually pretty dowdy/hippiesh). My oldest son even sa...
[ Reply | Options ]OP, don't worry - she's just going through a teenage thing. Are you good friends with any of the other moms of girls on the team? If, so I would just tell her "well, Judy and I wanted to go see the first half," and go and hang out with other mom friend. At end, don't hang around -- just get out of there and congratulate her at home.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: I don't know the other moms because we just started at the school o/w I would do this.
[ Reply | Options ]This is really common. Bring food. I'm the mom who brings cookies after a game. My DC is a little annoyed, but the other kids LOVE it and now expect it, and REALLY appreciate it. Also, even if you don't know the other moms - they all have teenagers, they all get it. I bet every single one would say, sure let's go together.
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[-]Would you be mad if your Jewish son was "dating" a Black or Hispanic girl?
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I wrote this post (I am the girl) and his parents are pissed. They are very conservative and my race is an issue.
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Likely even if you were white, your "race"/religion would be an issue for Jewish parents. My Jewish friend was told by her mother that it would be like another victory for Hitler if she married her Christian boyfriend. It is not personal. Sorry you are going through this.
[ Reply | Options ]This is so true. But eventually many come around. MIL threatened to cut-off BIL if he married white catholic girlfriend. Said she would not go the wedding. She did and she is now very close to SIL.
[ Reply | Options ]Agreed but if I were a young woman dating a Jewish guy and facing these issues with his family, I would probably cut my losses (unless we were both ready to be married and making steps towards that) because there is also a good chance the guy will return to the fold / bow to the pressure.
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That stinks. Just FYI though... I am white, Catholic and dated a white, Jewish boy in high school. His parents didn't approve of me AT ALL. It had nothing to do with race, it was religion. I know for a fact that they liked me, thought I was smart, motivated, talented and a good influence on their son socially... they approved of our friendship 100% but I wasn't Jewish and once we started dating, that was a deal breaker.
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If my non-jewish parents were to say that they didn't want me dating a jewish guy to preserve their gentile culture, they would be considered anti-semitic, but jewish people think it's totally ok to object to their kids dating non-jews to protect their jewish culture. It's equally racist, not to mention hypocritical. For a group of people who have been persecuted throughout history, you would think jewish people would be more inclusive and accepting of differences.
[ Reply | Options ]Hear hear! Judaism is a religion first and foremost. Love should be the only factor in choosing a life partner. I know plenty of mixed race/ethnicity/background marriages that are successful (mine included) and plenty that felt compelled due to religion/family relationships, etc. that failed. Do what is right for you! My in-laws were sceptics of our relationship at first and now adore me.
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I think it is a submissive thing since their Jewish mothers are so bossy and controlling, they want to rebel against it.
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maybe not generally, but the ones who marry jewish men seems very meek and quiet. and the jewish men that marry asian are the most nebbishy of all. so maybe it's just a natural fit.
[ Reply | Options ]at the risk of overgeneralizing, in my onservation this has often boiled down to a height issue, not anything about wanting a submissive gf! Jewish guys tend to be shorter, so do Asian women--it's a nice fit. And even on a cultural level--again at the risk of sounding sterotype-y--there are often certain similarities in personality and inclination--academically driven, sometimes nerdy. A lot of the Jewish guys and Asian women I knew growing up were similar in these ways, so again, a natural fit.
[ Reply | Options ]I guess they must not be marrying Chinese women from Hong Kong? We are loud and aggressive bunch. And yet many did marry white and Jewish guys, too.
[ Reply | Options ]Just a few words about the loud and aggressive bunch. Many Asian women married white guys because they feel that their social status will be elevated and they be more acceptable by the mainstream society. It's just like wearing brand names all over you to tell the world that you are better. They see their husbands as the trophy/status symbol and often look down upon their fellow Asian men and women. I agreed that Asian women who married Asian men are confident and has a strong sense of who they are.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm sorry, but I find this discussion ridiculous. I'm an Asian woman married to a guy I really like, who grew up in the next town over but whom I didn't really get to know until we went to the same college. We shared a lot of mutual interests and friends, and fell in love. He happens to be white, like the majority of people in our state and school. This little trophy theory of yours is offensive.
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btdt. very, very painful, and whether it can succeed depends on the type of guy you've got. at some point, he'll have to choose between you and them because they are highly unlikely to change. i will say that you deserve to join a family that will love you and not seek to undermine your relationship at every possible turn.
[ Reply | Options ]They are already making him choose. My area is filled with Jewish people and I saw him a lot. I never though I would date someone Jewish and it started as a fling...we were very curious. He is the most beautiful person in this world to me and I know how much he cares for his family especially his grandmother. Maybe the best thing is for us to go our separate ways. Maybe I should leave and never look back btw we're young. I also don't feel like I am getting honest responses because you don't want to offend me.
[ Reply | Options ]no, that was my honest reponse. he will have to choose. if you want to make the choice first by breaking it off, you can do that, but eventually a choice will have to be made. my guess is that he's going to choose his family given your age and the fact that he is likely to buckle under the pressure given how close he is with his family. it's just an awful, awful experience, but i can tell you from the other side of it that better experiences are coming for you. if the ending isn't happy, then it's not yet the end.
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agree with the other posters who are saying it's about religion instead of race. Going forward, you should expect multiple issues over religion, so be ready to deal with them
[ Reply | Options ]i totally disagree. I have been in exactly op's position before, and it is NOT just about religion. it's both race and religion, because converting would not solve the problem. the reason why asian women are different, in my experience, is that the stereotypes work in their favor, whereas the stereotypes about black people generally, and black women specifically, work against them (or, rather, us).
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It's both. He told me that they don't want people like me in their family. I was told that there are different branches of Judaism so could what kind his family is play a part in why they are so against us?
[ Reply | Options ]i don't think you're going to be able to find an answer to their behavior that is going to make sense to you given that there is some racism involved and racism just isn't rational. for that reason, i wouldn't spend a whole lot of time trying to find a branch of judaism that you think will be accepting. focus on finding someone who loves you for who you are and all that you can and will become.
[ Reply | Options ]definitely. I have personally found the Condervative Branch of Judaism to be the most sanctimonious and smug. The Reform are more open and the Orthodox have a solid sense of themselves and don't mingle too much socially with the secular world. The Conservtive ones are always looking their noses down on the Reform and everyone else.
[ Reply | Options ]maybe, but I do know pretty Reform Jews who are also very worried about jews dying out and therefore realy want their kids to date and marry other jews. However they are often more accepting of conversion thatn orthodox jews.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes because some branches really don't accept converts. "Your children will never be accepted as fully Jewish" was what a good, open-minded, Jewish family friend told my sister when she was seriously involved with a Jewish man. My sister was very open-minded to converting and would have taken it very seriously, led a much more Jewish life than her partner and his family. Not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet, but you know that the Jewish religion is considered to be passed down via the mother, NOT the father?
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Interracial relationships are always hard, even with the most enlightened families. I am mixed myself and my husband's WASC [White Anglo Saxon Catholic] family was very nasty to me while we were dating. Now that we're married, it's better-- his mother in particular does seem to trying to make amends. But I still resent their behavior and I really miss having great in-laws (prior to my husband I dated a man from a lower-middle class Scandinavian family and they were incredibly warm and welcoming, if a little clueless). So, it can get better after they know that their nastiness isn't going to chase you off but it'll always be an issue.
[ Reply | Options ]His parents mentioned sending him to live with another relative for a while. I love him too much to make him choose because I know he needs his family's financial support to pay for college. My friends think that he will be married off and forced to forget about me if I don't also encourage him to choose (I believe he will choose me). He is smart and he deserves to go to college (accepted to Ivy League). Thank you for your opinions (crying)...I have to let him go...he does not know I am pregnant and I will make it easier by not telling him. I could not love him the way I do and make him leave the path of a great life with an excellent education to worry about me and a baby...that's my problem. Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]oh, gosh. The two of you must be so young. And the fact that you're pregnant changes everything. You have to tell him right away since whatever decision are made have to be made together. You can't just try to do whatever you think is the best thing for him. You have to be fair to him, give him all the information about your situation and respect him enough to let him be involved in the choices.
[ Reply | Options ]Is this for real? If this is not a fake post, and you are really pregnant, then it doesn't matter what is good for him. From here on out, if you are having that baby, then everything depends on what is good for the baby. That baby will need his/her father for financial and emotional support. You've got to tell him, and he will have to break it to his parents. You are going to need all the help you can get, believe me, from both of your families. Even if you decide not to have the baby, this is a decision that he should be involved in also. You should not be dealing with this alone.
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no, i would want my son to be happy. that said, i'm jewish and while it would not be an issue for me at all, i can understand that when it comes to marriage and raising a family, a parent might look at it from the perspective of wanting things to be "easier" for their child, regarding decisions about how to raise their children in terms of religion.
[ Reply | Options ]the whole post sounds fake. No pregnant lady would put the "happiness" of a crappy future MIL ahead of the baby's. Anyway, if you're pregnant with his DC you have an OBLIGATION to tell him. It's his DC too!! f%^ck the in-laws. You're not the first or the last who would have a bad relationship with the inlaws
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I'd want my son to date/marry a Jewish girl, because the religion and culture is important to me and it's really hard to maintain. Couldn't care less what race/ethnicity as long as she was Jewish.
[ Reply | Options ]Honestly, I know I will prefer it if my kids date and marry not only other white men/women ... but, in the end I know I could get over this provided the person is UMC and well educated. The class issue is definitely more important to me. Hope that helps and good luck. How old are you, anyway? The way you say "mad" in your question makes me wonder what you're doing on this board!
[ Reply | Options ]How old is the son? I dated a Catholic guy when I was 16. It was not like I was going to marry him!
[ Reply | Options ]Just totally disappointed. Grandchildren will only be Jewish if the mother is Jewish. This post is fake, but the problem of marrying outside the Jewish religion is a real problem today.
[ Reply | Options ]Well, if the Jewish religion considered kids with non-Jewish mothers but with Jewish fathers to be Jewish, it may not be such a big problem today.
[ Reply | Options ]Yeah, like changing your religion is such an easy thing. There is nothing wrong with marrying your own kind. It doesn't mean you can't have a variety of friends or live in a mixed community.
[ Reply | Options ]Who said anything was wrong with marrying your own kind? No one. But, people are attracted to whoever they are attracted to and it usually starts young. My husband is white, though not Jewish. His mother said she's not surprised he married a Black woman because he always liked the Black girls in his class since he was a little boy. Also, many Black families are not so keen on their children "marrying outside the race" either. I'm always surprised when people assume the Black family would automatically be fine with a mixed race marriage.
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Didn't read through all the posts but if this isn't serious, consider ending it unless he is 100% behind you and he is past 17. This isn't just about race. It is religion. Race is something they can learn to live with, religion isn't. I was in a similar situation so it was college. At the end, I did not have the energy to be between a mother and his son and I was not willing to convert if things got serious enough to plan marriage. She loved me. Wans't about my race actually. I believe that completely. Now that I have many Jewish friends who observe, I understand. I may not agree with it but I understand.
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[-]Is there a website like Urban Baby for parents of middle school age kids? I love the candor here but cant relate to many of the discussions. Thanks.
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[-]trinity and horace mann- trying to figure out differences, similarities, etc. are they basically the same except for manhattan and the hill?
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[-]How to get self worth? Feel like I'm feeling uncertain about my role as SAHM...feeling old a little too. Feeling bored with friendships and the balance of life somehow...who gets it right with mom time, family time, date night, girls night out....who has the answers? What do you gals do, to create self worth and harmony?
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Rule # 1: No one has it all. Chip away at the most "together" Mom you know, and you'll find some weaknesses.
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Well that's just what I mean. Even the most "I'm so together" beautiful, monied, perfect looking Mom at drop off has issues. This "having it all" crap is just an illusion.
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That's the first step. What I do is take the top three priorities in my life and focus on them. I am a WOHM so my three are; my family, my friends and myself not necessarily in that order. I take it week by week. this week was my family with school in swing I concentrated on homework, field trips, next week will be my friends; going to a wedding, the following week will hopefully be a me week. gym, haircut, winter shopping. It just goes round and round with adjustments. my career is basically in control so I try to focus on one interest per week and it's working, I've gotten into a routine, and I find that I always have something fun to look forward to.
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I feel the same way. 38 and what do I have to show for it? Looking at it one way I have a beautiful family. Looking at it another way, I once had a decent brain and top-rate education, but nothing to do with them but fold laundry and arrange play dates... and as for me time and time for dh, ha! I'll be watching this topic to see if there's an answer.
[ Reply | Options ]We're all flying by the seat of our pants, honey. Do the best with what you've got and work with dh to figure out the rest. . .
[ Reply | Options ]Ideally, self-worth is just something you have. Not something that you get from this or that thing you do. But, in the real world, people get a lot of their self-worth (or not) from their work. And, to a SAHM who is feeling low on self-worth, I would say that you are probably putting a tremendous amount of energy into an important, rather lonely, thankless job. And you deserve to feel good about that.
[ Reply | Options ]I think that I finally have it right. I work fulltime, but I start very early and end early. Have the full afternoon with the kids. They're asleep by 7:45 and I make sure to go out with friends at least 2 nights a week after they are asleep. Lots of time with dh because he has very good and flexible hours. It took a long time to get to this point, but I finally feel that everything is in balance!
[ Reply | Options ]I feel like I'm very happy with my life. I'm a sahm (have an Ivy league degree/advanced degree) but gave my career a "break." I'm definitely going back after the last of our kids is in school. I have a lot of friends (mom friends, college friends, new friends) whom I see at lunch/nights out. I go out with dh twice a week every week. Most importantly, I know I can do anything I want career wise when I decide it's time. I'll always have my education. Finally, I really could care less about material stuff, clothes. That stuff doesn't impress me in the least. Would rather shop at Target and spend my money on going out with dh and friends and making sure my kids get a great education. Also, I'm really not jealous of anyone I know - b/c I know t...
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you don't realize it now but you're giving your dc the gift of security and well being because a parent is with them. don't underestimate the value of this for them. YOU need some new interests - think of some courses or personal interest activities that you can pursue and get child care to get away for just you. this worked for me, plus get togethers with friends and their kids (was connected with my friends). as your dc get older, the whole lifestyle will change and you'll have more and more time for you, but now make that time for something important for you. good luck to you.
[ Reply | Options ]I just got a great hair cut and that definately helped on the feeling frumpy/ old part. I have a 15 mo and am pregnant. I've basically come to the conclusion that my trade off for the next few years are things like not being able to do languid beachy vacations for the pure joy of seeing my kids develop. I have made working out a few times a week a priority and that definitely helps w seratonin levels. Motherhood is one big trade off. I'm still figuring out what can give and what are non nevotiable for me. I hear you on the friend front. I have many girlfriends and surprisingly it's the one with kids that I'm starting to feel less conected. I'm just rambling now and can't see what I have typed because I'm on my phone...so I hope I sa...
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[-]My DH says I'm wrong to feel slighted by my DD who in the last 3 months has said to me - "I wish I had a pretty mom", after which she began to cry because she felt so guilty about saying it. A few weeks ago she said, "Your legs are fat - if I were cold I would just snuggle up to them for warmth" and today, "I want to do homework with Daddy, he's smarter!" I know she's only 8, but it still hurts. Needless to say, I used to model and I still wear a size 2 so I'm not exactly ugly- though I will admit to some cellulite on my legs. But really, am I so wrong to feel hurt?
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]What your daughter is saying is downright mean and hurtful and especially since you are not fat, it sounds like she is trying to hurt you on purpose. I would look into what is causing her to behave like this and would also hope she doesn't think this kind of behavior is appropriate towards anyone, let alone toward mom. She sounds angry.
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something's amiss. there's some resentment brewing, or you need to teach her how to treat people better. your husband should have a one-on-one conversation with her, too. you need to take care of this NOW because it's going to have a long-lasting impact on your relationship later. good luck. this does not sound easy.
[ Reply | Options ]LOL - yeah, right. This is the dumbest post of the evening. First, if your kid says your fat and you're a size 2, then you both have MAJOR issues. Second, if she says you're ugly and you're not (i.e. you used to model?), you STILL both have major issues. And finally, if you were crazy enough to post such nonesense, you have even MORE issues.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel like this is a mean response, but I kind of agree. My 3 year old said to me, yesterday, after I had my hair colored and cut, "I don't like it. You look like Aunt Kate. I DONT like it." And I know she was sincere, but also it was a change to mom/hard for kids, and _I_ like it, so don't really care. If you are a Size 2, you wouldnt bring up cellulite on your thighs. Something IS amiss.
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Um, no, you're not wrong for feeling slighted and I don't understand the DH who doesn't see the hurt in this. If she was saying "I wish I had a handsome tall dad with HAIR!" or "why are you so smarter than Daddy?" I think he'd get it real quick. I have to ask--is she getting these messages from him? And/or you--what do you do when she says these things? Obviously she felt guilty, but I think I'd have snapped her up pretty short and said "What a mean thing to say" or something to show her that it was inappropriate and hurtful.
[ Reply | Options ]It sounds like you've got a Daddy's Little Girl who is trying to assert her position as daddy's favorite. Your husband needs to back you up with lessons about manners and respect, and he needs to be at least as demonstrative with you as he is with you, so she sees that you are the wife and she is the daughter.
[ Reply | Options ]My replies - "I wish I had a polite well mannered daughter". "Your mouth is rude. We don't comment on other peoples appearances in this house". And dh would have said, "You can't speak to your mother that way. Go to your room, do your homework alone and don't come out until you apologize to your mom".
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