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  • [-]my 15yo dd came out as a lesbian to me, i've always been open-minded, but i have to say i was completely shocked by this and i even wonder if this is just a phase bc she is so young. i feel awful even thinking of it as a phase and while i didn't tell her any of this and i support her, i still don't know what the next step is.

    10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    07.01.08, 08:56 PM [ Flag ]
    • Is your kid sexually active or is this an emotional revelation she's chosen to share with you? It would be concerning to me if my 15 y/o was sexually active-with anyone of any gender. At 15 I was convinced I'd grow old with a hot, older woman and we'd adopt at least one child. I'd only groped and kissed girls but had real pining crushes on others. The place and time were long ago(I'm 45)and there was a much less open atmosphere among youth culture,

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      07.01.08, 09:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • in terms of being gay-esp if you were a girl. I look around today and am amazed at the overall acceptance of gay youth culture and sense of community. 15 is so experimental, exploratory and a time of huge realization that we'll be able to interpret and identify ourselves through our choices. Your kid may be a lesbian or not but she sounds like she has chosen to bring some important self-realization to you. How cool for you Mom. Don't rush to help her define it; hang in there and keep being someone safe and loving with whom she can share,

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        07.01.08, 09:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • feel loved by and come to with her truths. What's next is-get the facts on her sexual activity, as much as you can. She's only 15!

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          07.01.08, 09:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • i've tried to get as much info as i could, but she doesn't want to get into much detail, she has said that have done a lot more other than just kissing and pretty much lead me to believe they are having sex

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            07.01.08, 09:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • i am under the impression that she is sexually active, after she talked to dh and i, i took her out for a bit to have some girl talk and she told me she is now in a relationship with a longtime girlfriend, and she has said she had a couple others - she told me that she and her girlfriend have kissed and done things but she didnt want to get into great detail about it

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        07.01.08, 09:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • It's very trendy to be gay amongst teens. very. Go with the flow. If you fight it, it will only be trouble. Talk to her about safe lesbian sex. Get her a book or something.

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      07.01.08, 09:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • i'm not fighting it, if she is a lesbian then i am compeltely on board, it was jsut a shocker when she sat us down - i honestly thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant

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        07.01.08, 09:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • very trendy to come out to parents & compare notes. get her a copy of "on our backs"

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          07.01.08, 09:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • Well, i completely agree that it may seem 'trendy' but it may be a lot of things-including that she's a lesbian. I mostly agree that the most important aspect of this is, your 15 yr old is having sex. You need to deal with that as being of primary importance; Safe sex is a nearly oxymoronic term when discussing the level of emotional immaturity at her age. You're her parent and I assume you try to set the parameters of what is acceptable behavior; are you ok w/her being sexually active? Were you unaware that she has had a 'long-term girlfriend'? Do you know her friends or spend time with them? It's pretty tricky stuff, as teens-particularly girls- can more easily project a false maturity. Get yourself some conferral w/ a therapist...

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          07.01.08, 09:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • you'll need some objective help to maintain connection with your position as her mother and not her 'cool with it Buddy'. Good luck to you both. The second toddlerhood- adolescence-is so rife with change; she still needs you to set some limits and help her navigate her impending independence.

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            07.01.08, 09:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]ttc - i have three older children from a previous marriage, and dh has two young children from a previous marriage - we are having a difficult time and i am wondering when it is right to explore other options

    66 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    06.27.08, 11:03 AM [ Flag ]
    • how old are you and how long have you been trying?

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      06.27.08, 11:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I think you two have populated the earth quite enough and maybe it's mother nature's way of telling you to stop reproducing. Why don't you adopt a child that needs a home?

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      06.27.08, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • rude..go away troll

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        06.27.08, 11:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • but the point about populating the earth is very valid. think of food, resources, diapers, etc. np btw

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          06.27.08, 11:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • do shut up

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            06.27.08, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • nope-op did ask, opened self up here. points made are very valid-5 kids are a lot

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              06.27.08, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • np--you shut up! Since when is pointing out environmental concerns so verboten?

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              06.27.08, 11:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • since it annoys the hell outta me. They have been talking about overpopulation since the 60's. It's a free country. She can have as many kids as she wants and you will just have to live with it.

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                06.27.08, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • why oh why do people feel it is their right to have as many chi8ldren as possible and THEN feel it is a wise idea to use scientific methods to have even more when Mother nature says "stop" ? This isn't a woman who has never had a child and wants to do whatever possible to have one. This is a family of five ! Enough already

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                  06.27.08, 03:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • ITA Adopt if you want to love another child. You've already replicated yourselves.

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                    06.27.08, 03:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • you don't know that she is going to use fertility, dont judge

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                    06.27.08, 03:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                    • she says "exploring other options". Maybe she meant adoption and I stand humbled. excuse me.

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                      06.27.08, 03:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                      • as you should

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                        06.27.08, 03:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • although - you will see - that later in the post she mentions fertility treatments...

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                          06.27.08, 03:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • she does not mention that as the sole option

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                          06.27.08, 03:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • read the rest of the post dodo. She's talking about fertility treatments and says so in just those words !

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                          06.27.08, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • op-This is ridiculous. I came here to discuss fertility treatments because we have been struggling going through adoption. We came close once, but in the end the mother kept the child. We can't keep going through the pain of coming so close and losing the child. We are actively pursuing fertility and adoption; however, I am not as familiar with fertility - which at the moment seems like more of a guarantee than adoption.

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                          06.27.08, 03:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • np: the cost of adoption is not something all couples can afford, and who are you to say they have had too many children - perhaps they would like to have one together?

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        06.27.08, 11:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • if this couple can afford 6 biological children and/or fertility treatments to get #6, then they can damn well afford the adoption fees. There are millions of babies who needs parents, and I think it's arrogant to want to have a baby together just to somehow validate your marriage. It's pathetic. And you losers have already each failed a marriage so how do you know this one, with such a huge age gap, is going to work out? How fair is that on any of your kids?

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          06.27.08, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • wow losers, big vocabulary you have there

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            06.27.08, 03:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • How do you know they each have failed marriages? You do not know the circumstances - I am remarried for the second time because my dh passed away early in our marriage. I had two children during my first marriage and I remarried and had three kids with my dh.

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            06.27.08, 03:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I really really hate that sancti crap. Go compost something and leave me alone

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        06.27.08, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • OP: i agree - it really isn't anyone's business how i choose to create a family - i was not asking whether i should have kids or not. i am going to have a child, i am just asking about fertility treatments.

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          06.27.08, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • why don't you adopt? how can you justify adding a sixth child between you? plus, you're old.

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            06.27.08, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • How can I JUSTIFY??? The same way I JUSTIFIED having my other children, the same way he JUSTIFIED having his children, the same way you JUSTIFIED havng your children. And excuse me for being 39 years old - last I checked I wasn't cashing social security checks yet.

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              06.27.08, 11:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • I justified having two children and replacing myself. Not six children. That I could never justify no matter how much I desired it.

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                06.27.08, 11:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • I gave birth to three children - the younger two are my step-children that my dh had with his ex. I welcome them with open arms into my home when I accepted dh's proposal. I am not going to let our already blended family stop us from having a child together.

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                  06.27.08, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • yes, I understood the configuration of your family. You are two people with five children between you and planning to have a sixth because that would validate the enormous love you have for each other. I get it. You're still contributing to overpopulation and using up way too big a carbon footprint. Obviously, you don't care, so kudos to you!

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                    06.27.08, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • exactly. Ignore her. GL to you

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            06.27.08, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • THANK YOU! ITTTTTTTA.

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        06.27.08, 11:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • now would be that time. You have enough kids.

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      06.27.08, 11:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • the trolls are OUT

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        06.27.08, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • hey--she asked!!

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          06.27.08, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • she did not ask for your judgement - she asked for opinions about fertility - who are you to say she has ENOUGH kids? some people do not feel they have to stop after 2.

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            06.27.08, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • some people "do not feel" they have any ecological responsibility at all. Some other people "do not feel" they have to ke