[-]Thoughts about Willa for a girl? Love My Antonia and wanted something literary
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I should just ask. Are you and DH both american english speakers with english as a first language? In German your dd would be called "Villa" and in Spanish, the vowels will sound different and some dialects will change the W. Just something to think about...signed mom of a multi-cultural little girl.
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[-]Anyone use acupuncture to relieve pain during labor? I had tried it during IVF (canceled cycle, but got pg naturally a few weeks later--go figure) will never know if acupuncture worked for success, however I am a believer and am curious about other benefits. Didn't end up using at all for 1st trimester morning sickness but still want to investigate this route. I'm early in 2nd trimester so just starting research on childbirth options--I'm not a super holistic type at all, probably not going the doula route etc BUT if I could choose acupuncture (and it helping) over drugs I'd do it (provided I got the doctors ok and all)
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]If you really want to avoid the drugs I would take the Bradley Method classes, or Hypnobabies. Bradley method requires you to be more mentally present, while Hypnobabies is more about getting yourself into a hypnotic, meditative state during contractions. Depends on what sounds like its more your style. That said, I am a CNM that does homebirth, and I have had mothers have all kinds of alternative practitioners aid them in labor, including acupuncturists. Its more about finding someone willing to attend you, and there may be rules about it if you are giving birth in a hospital. I have had 3 mothers use acupuncturists, 2 of them reported actual relief, one stopped using it when she got into active labor, and she just preferred being in the t...
[ Reply | Options ]You are going to want to move aroun dduring labor. You cannot move around with needles stuck in you. The urge to move around is strong -- here is the explanation: http://www.lamaze.org/ChildbirthEducators/ResourcesforEducators/CarePracticePapers/FreedomofMovement/tabid/484/Default.aspx
[ Reply | Options ]. . . that having been said, I talked with an acupuncturist who told me he was involved in a study about the effect of acupunture in labor. He is hoping it can be an alternative to epidural for women who refuse to go drug free. . . I guess I can't see needles in me when I am laboring in a hot bath tub.
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A seasoned pro told my husband and I, as we were seeing and oohing and aaahing over cute cute cute toddlers on tiny little skis learning the basic basics of being on them, as long as kiddo is totally potty trained, there is an appropriate level of lesson. There were some really damn cute 3 year olds (groups of 3 with one pro and a roving pro). OMG it was the cutest thing ever.
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[-]Am I the only one who thinks the Deceptively Delicious cookbook is insane? When I read how she brought in brownies with some vegetable in them to her daughter's preschool class, I almost went ballistic. What if some kid had an allergy?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I think it is simply misguided- the truth is, the way most of these vegetables have been bred- they have very little nutritional value, then you cook the life out of them- it seems like such an old-fashioned way of thinking. Vegetables for vegetables sake- when you have eliminated the fiber, vitamins and antioxidants- are just simple carbs. So weird.
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[-]What are the qualities of your best friend that you love? Do you have a good story that illustrates how you went out of the way to be a good friend? Are most best friends childhood friends?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I think the older friends are a bit closer to my heart but the friends I spend most of my time with and know i can rely on are those I made as an adult. My neighbor and I know that if we have an emergency and time of day or night we can call the other for help with staying with the kids or pretty much with help with anything.
[ Reply | Options ]My best friends are college friends. But I also have 4 close elementary school friends that are important to me. I also have my first job best friends. And now a lot of mommy friends. And book club friends. The qualities I love are 1)they get me. 2) we have things in common, 3) they're fun to have good conversations with and if I ever needed someone to support me in a rough time, they'd be there for me. Oh - and they make me feel good about myself. I've watched people's kids, taken friends on vacation, been there for them when they've gone through rough times, and listened when they needed me to. And let them crash at my place when needed. Usual friend things.
[ Reply | Options ]I had a friend (growing up) that was very poor and I use to take my allowance and take her out to eat at Bob's Big Boy. I was only about 11 at the time but they had no money b/c her mom and dad were both doing drugs and the dad was in jail. As soon as I got my allowance for cleaning (every Saturday) I picked her up and we rode our bikes to get lunch. One day I went to take her to lunch and she was gone. I have not seen her since, I think mom probably got arrested and they were put in foster care.
[ Reply | Options ]my dearest friends are college friends. i have a couple of childhood friends whom i'm still close with but we have less in common. my dearest friends do not judge, don't care that we are all in very different places in life and will always be there for me (as I for them). for example, 2 of them are single and childless but still came to spend a day at the playground with me and my kids bc they wanted to see me and w dh's travel schedule and work and the kids i haven't had any time to hang out.
[ Reply | Options ]i have four gals and one guy i would consider best friends - all from single work life after college - they are all very different but great people. Here is what they all have in common: like to laugh and have fun; can have some cocktails; keep themselves up/care about appearance; only one takes herself too seriously; they all get me and love me for who i am too :> my life would SUCK without them!
[ Reply | Options ]i think most best friends tend to be college friends and maybe even someone from high school. Most of my good friends are from high school/college/grad school but my best friend is from kindergarten. I feel very lucky. When you are friends as long as my best friend and I are it's almost like a sibling relationship. We just know each other so well and are just connected and it's not a connection I can put into words very well.
[ Reply | Options ]I have known my best friend since I was 3. My favorite qualities in her are her hilarious sense of humor, her down-to-earth personality and her eternal optimism in spite of some hardships she has faced in her life (mostly dysfunctional family stuff). I helped her get a job at my company in NYC when she needed to move out of the south and get away from a toxic relationship. She is still with that company and has done really well there and is now happily married with a baby in another state. We still talk on the phone all the time just like we did in middle school. She is like a second sister to me. I feel very lucky because many of my closest friends are from when I was a baby or in grade school and we live all over. I am 39.
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I always assumed I did, we got a little lazy with birth control, and bam!- I was pregnant. I was shocked for the first 4 months.
[ Reply | Options ]Well, OP, there you have it. Some find out by accident, some agonize over it, and some have known it all along. I think that's a fair assessment of everyone.
[ Reply | Options ]I have always, always known it is the thing I wanted most in the world. Never have cared about getting married (and am not), but always wanted kids young. Resisted through college and pg with #1 at 23yo in med school. Always wanted a career and continue to wohm pt, but my job doesn't hold a candle to my desire to me a mom.
[ Reply | Options ]wow. How'd you work that single motherhood in pregnancy gig? I'm an MD and barely got myself through it single.
[ Reply | Options ]Better yet, why didn't you wait until you had a husband to have a kid. It's not fair to deprive a child of a father...especially if you're some full-time working MD.
[ Reply | Options ]Not single. My partner and I have been together for 13 years and 3 dc together. He is 12 yrs older so financially stable already. Just have never really cared about the marriage in and of itself. We are in a committed relationship with all the legal paperwork for benefits, wills, life ins, joint accounts, etc just not legally married.
[ Reply | Options ]If you're not married then you're "single". Living together isn't the same as a marital commitment. So, does he just not want to marry you? Sounds like it. He probably wants to be able to take off whenever he decides to. Must suck for you.
[ Reply | Options ]Shut up you mean old troll. Some people just don't need a piece of paper to prove they love each other. He is with her, they have children, and all the benefits of married couples, so its not like he could just pick up and leave. So many wives use marriage as a way to trap their husbands, and the certificate is just an illusion.
[ Reply | Options ]Oh, so because I'm honest I'm a "mean troll". Grow up, lady. You sound like you're 12 and mad because somebody doesn't agree with you. Boohoo! If he really loved her then he'd marry her, end of story. The only one with the illusion is the idiot who thinks that marriage doesn't mean anything. Those are usually the women who can't get men to marry them.
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Always said we wanted them, in a very vague way, but was kind of ambivalent and I was not particularly maternal or kid-oriented. We were married for 9 years without considering it. Had a doc tell me "what are you waiting for?" and it really kicked me. A few months later we started trying. Would probably have never gotten around to it otherwise, but I'm really glad we did - I love being a mom.
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[-]where is it easier/better to raise a kid? pacific northwest or NYC?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Born and raised in Seattle, moved out here for college. Can't imagine raising my kids anywhere else.
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Easier/better how? I'd raise my kids in Vancouver,BC(excellent quality of Life-Education) -Oregon and NoCal before Seattle.I grew up here and had an amazing true middle/working class life.It was amazing.My kids love it here and use it well but both want to move to BC; I do too. It's such a personal choice.
[ Reply | Options ]We have lived in Portland and NYC. They are both great places. The nice things about Portland were having a backyard, getting to walk around the neighborhood and look at all the beautiful houses and greenery (we lived in an in-town neighborhood), and the friendliness. Plus, you could drive for 30 minutes and be somewhere gorgeous, like the Columbia gorge. And so affordable. NYC is great too, though. The museums, the quality of education, the sheer number of things to do in your free time. If I had to choose, I'd choose PDX. But what a great choice to have!
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[-]Thinking about driving from Seattle to San Francisco in mid-Feb w/dh, no dcs. Any recommendations for places to stay and/or eat? On the less expensive side would be preferable. tia!
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Just lettin' ya know... it's longer than you think. It's the same distance as driving from San Francisco 1/3 of the way back to Chicago. About 800 miles. Beautiful drive...but long.
[ Reply | Options ]We were thinking Seattle->Portland in one day, Portland->Eureka, CA (to see the redwoods) but we need another overnight stop in here because this is a looong stretch, then Eureka->SF again with another overnight stop in between. Any recommendations for where those two as-of-yet-unchosen stops should be?
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[-]Anyone have a FREE SHIPPING code from landsend.com? Seems I always do except for when I need one (now). So not paying $5.95 to ship a $9.99 pair of gloves! TIA!
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[-]I have a question about nanny etiquette. Our nanny has been with us for just 2 weeks and there is one thing she is doing that is bothering me. My son is only 3 1/2 months, so much of the day is sleeping and eating. Over the course of an average day with her, he'll sleep about 3-5 hours and has maybe a total of 1 1/2 hours MAX of good quality alert play time. 3 times over the last 2 weeks (and that's including Thanksgiving, so that was a short week), the nanny has noted in her journal that she has put him in his swing while she eats a meal. What I don't understand is why she can't eat during all of his naptime. For example, she arrived at 8 today and he slept until 8:40. After he got up and she fed him, he was apparently alert and she put hi...
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]i think this is a little much. is it your first child? it would be nice if she could eat while he sleeps. but some adults like to eat at whatever their lunchtime is, and its often hard to predict a little baby's sleep schedule. how long does she spend eating anyway? i would guess 15 minutes or so. really not so long to be in a swing!
[ Reply | Options ]I had this issue with my dbs nanny at exact same age. Straighten this out now or it will never change. Had to let mine go. She doesn't need to predict when he'll sleep. Whenever it is is when she eats. period. And 15 minutes in a swing is too much if its time she should be interacting with him.
[ Reply | Options ]I guess I don't think the nanny needs to be interacting with the baby 100% at every waking moment. She needs to be close, yes, and hopefully talking to him and engaging him... but I don't see the harm with sticking him in a swing for 15 minutes. Hey, you are the one paying her, though, OP, and if this is really important to you than I guess you need to address it sooner rather than later. I do think that if this bugs you, though, there are bound to be a lot of other problems that crop up with any nanny... are you sure that you are OK with not being there yourself? Sometimes you can't help but micromanage if you want to be the one at home!
[ Reply | Options ]I agree as well. Sounds like you may/will eventually have issues with other things this or another nanny does that aren't huge deals. Maybe you should just stay home and do things exactly how you want them done. I also guarantee that at a certain point you'll be hungry, have to go to the bathroom, whatever, when the baby is awake and it won't be a big deal to put him down.
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Is she a good nanny in all other aspects? I hate to say it but letting something like this get you upset is really not anything major. I used to put my dd in the swing while I ate b/c I wasn't always hungry at the times she was napping.
[ Reply | Options ]I think this is a bad sign. Assuming you have a generally easy db who isn't colicky, she should not be sticking db in the swing during his alert times. She should absolutely eat when he sleeps. You need to be strict about this stuff now or it will be impossible to fix later. FWIW, we did a journal at that age also - I wrote it in it too - and it took no more than 3-5 mins a day total.
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks to most of you for the honest opinions, whether you agree or disagree with my feelings about this. Not too appreciative of the bitchy responses, and to one in particular, a 3 1/2 month old absolutely needs a lot stimulation, and when there is such a limited about of time in a day when he is open to it, I'm sad to think he's just staring at the wall. I have no doubt I'm overly concerned, and wrote this post to get a read on whether or not I'm overreacting. Again, thanks to those of you who shared constructive responses.
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[-]Any Portland moms on? We may be moving to Portland soon (I'm very excited) but I don't know anything about the city except having visited before I had kids. What are some interesting neighborhoods that are walkable with good schools? I would love something not too suburb-y, if possible, and where there are interesting cultural things to do/places to eat, but schools are really paramount. TIA!
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]You will love Portland. I would move back in a heartbeat if I could find a job there! Sellwood is where we lived, and I loved it. If we moved back I would live there again. Intown neighborhood, schools were good then (sure they are now), beautiful houses, you can walk to their little downtown (library, restaurants, organic groceries, little shops) or cross the river and go downtown in a matter of minutes. Next to a wonderful park that runs along the river! There are some great private schools too.
[ Reply | Options ]OP - Thank you so much, that's so helpful. I'm really looking forward to biking, hiking, just the greenness of it with the dcs. Does it feel small after living in a big city? Not that I'll mind that - I hope! - just curious how sleepy it feels. Also, did you adjust to the weather?
[ Reply | Options ]I actually grew to love the weather. When it is rainy here it makes me nostalgic for Portland! The first couple years may be hard though. A lot of people put special lightbulbs in their homes to ward off SAD. I thought Portland was the perfect size. When you read about goings-on in the newspaper you often know the people written about. There is tons to do downtown (but different than NY for sure). You can drive an hour and be skiing, windsurfing or visiting waterfalls in the gorge, visiting orchards in Hood River... a few more hours and you're at the coast. There is always Seattle if you are feeling claustrophobic, or Vancouver. And people are so friendly it will make you suspicious at first!
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I assume you mean OR? I went to college there and adored it. It's a fab city. The Hawthorne neighborhood is very kid-oriented, centrally located and definitely walkable. Easy bus to downtown. I think you'll be looking at private schools, but it won't be the rat race that it is here. I am extremely jealous and would move there (or Stockholm) if I had a job there.
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks for this. I did mean Oregon, sorry - I even checked the Seattle/Oregon region box! ;) I'm curious why you suggest I should look at private schools? I've heard some Portland publics are fantastic and it's something I'm looking forward to (a neighborhood school, walking distance, etc.) Do you (or anyone on here) know something I don't?
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Portland has the least psychic energy of any city in America. Lower than even San Diego. E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e, even 10-year olds, are act like retirees in Boca Raton who pat themselves on the back for their taste and judgment in moving to Portland. I much prefer the neurotic energy of NYers who work hard to achieve their goals, be it making partner in their firm, a Pulitzer or whatever. No one in Portland wants to accomplish anything not related to trivial culinary pursuits.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I grew up in PDX and you hit the nail on the head. I LOVE the city itself, but the people I generally find to be very self-limiting and you've described it better than I ever could - the general attitude seems to be "I live in Portland, I don't ever need to accomplish anything more."
[ Reply | Options ]OP: Well, thanks for the input. Seems like a bit of a sweeping generalization, but I guess I'll see if I find that to be true and if I do find it to be true, if I find it to be as irritating as you do. Sometimes laid back is just that - and I'm in the mood for a little of that, especially when the surroundings are so gorgeous and the people seem really nice.
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[-]NOT SPAM !! WOHM needs other moms' help. My firm is looking to understand moms' views on buying and/ or not buying 'green' household products. We'd like to have a conversation with moms who use, and moms who don't use, these types fo products. The research will be on-line, in a discussion forum some time the week of December 1st. If you would be interested in sharing your views on this topic, please e-mail me (Norah) at greenresearch12@yahoo.com. TIA.
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[-]My niece is 10 YO and not one of the "nicest" girls I know. I know that is mean to say, but it's true. My brother and SIL have called the school to find out why she doesn't have any friends and was told "she needs to learn to get along with others." Fine, I agree and they are working on this. But they recently bought her a cell phone because she wanted one and to "help her with friends". I'm sorry but I don't get it. And I know it's none of my business except that my brother is very upset by everything. SIL also called some of the mothers to find out why their daughters don't like her daughter. She said none of them called her back. I feel bad but how can you help people who are not making situation better only much worse?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]they are not making it worse by giving her a phone. They are all texting each other at that age, so they are trying to include her. They seem to be trying hard. You on the other hand are not even trying to help
[ Reply | Options ]I'm trying to stay out of it. Like I said, she is not one of the nicest girls I know. I'm very good friends with one of her teachers last year. It was sad to hear that my niece is mean-she's arrogant (well that I knew, I can see it), she pulls other girls hair, stole someone's purse-not nice. I just thought she was just not nice, not a "bully".
[ Reply | Options ]If it's true she did those things, it may very likely be because the girls are being mean to her and she doesn't know how to react. Most likely those girls are the "bullies" and not your niece, but she is acting out because no one is nice to her (including you). She needs to be helped to ignore that and make her own friends.
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I actually don't think that the cell phone is going to make things worse -- you don't say that she's spoiled and demanding, just that she's aggressive and doesn't get along with other kids. Parents are trying to help her make friends, which is what she needs. Refusing to get her a cell phone because she's "mean" seems punitive in a counterproductive way.
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[-]My friend in Seattle has a new baby with colic/lots of digestion issues/allergies. She is thinking of hiring help, ideally a retired nurse, so she can pump and get sleep and just deal with a demanding baby. Any suggestions of people who do this?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]1-800 Suck It Up. I did and so can she. This isn't a financial issue, it's a parenting issue.
[ Reply | Options ]np: that's awesome advice. And when this new mom completely loses her shit and the baby, mom, and dad all suffer, I'm sure they'll be so happy they took the "suck it up" route. Loser. The mom should hire a baby nurse if they could afford it. A coliky baby is a challenge for even the best of mothers.
[ Reply | Options ]Hey, 1-800 Troll, you are a turd. I've dealt with colic and it was crazy-making. Many studies link shaken baby syndrome to the same timeframe that infants experience colic. If someone is starting to lose it from lack of sleep, then by all means she should get assistance if she can. I doubt she'd be asking for help if she didn't need it. Even you, Troll, deserved some kindness while you were going through it, I hope you had some relief from friends or family. Judging by the tone of your reply, you didn't and that's a shame.
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[-]I'd love to curl up with a good book this weekend. Any suggestions?
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]"Meltdown: A Free-Market Look at Why the Stock Market Collapsed, the Economy Tanked, and Government Bailouts Will Make Things Worse" by Thomas E. Woods, Jr.
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Time Traveler's Wife was high trash, or low art, depending on how you look at it. I usually only read nonfiction or "literature," but somehow a few weeks ago picked up a copy of "Good in Bed," by Jennifer Weiner. Been out a while. Surprisingly well written. Not a literary book AT ALL, but a surprisingly fun read. I'm going to check out her other books for escape lit, and I didn't think I was a person who reads escape lit.
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