[-]I still have amazing sex with my husband. Not often, but when we do, its amazing.
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I don't understand how the sex can be so amazing but you still only have it once in a while. Me and dh have amazing sex as well but bc of that he wants it all the time bc he's thinking about how great it is all the time. If we end up going more than 4 or 5 days without it, once we do it it's like everythings awakened again and it's back to every day or every other day. So I guess I just don't understand how it can be so good but neither of you try to get it more often.
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[-]Adultery alert...single dude at work kind of hot and his pheromones are definitely working for me. No intimacy with husband right now. I have been in close proximity to another guy for awhile and this is definitely getting me thinking. I don't plan to cross that line but is even thinking about it so much cheating? Also, now single dude has a girlfriend and I'm pissed off b/c I just am.
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[-]anyone with (real) terracotta floors? we would like to do our kitchen with it. The porcelain and ceramic "terracotta" just dont look or feel like the real thing, but have heard concerns of upkeep and durability of real terracotta.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]while lovely to look at, they are so hard and unforgiving. they are a killer on my feet and back. granted, i'm barefoot a lot, but both dh and I (he always wears something on his feet) get back pain and foot pain when standing for a while on our floors. doing dishes, cooking, etc.
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[-]My MIL insists I do everything (okay not everything but most) like her daughter does and thinks I should be calling her all the time for advice and whatnot. Why am I not allowed independent thought and to be my own person? She assumes I will go to all of the family functions because I "have to". What's up with that???
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Is your mother still alive? The reason I am asking is b/c I always ask my mom about things but dh always asks his mom. My mom said she was worried that my brothers wife would just always go to her mom but I do, that's just the way it works.
[ Reply | Options ]Yep my mother is still alive and kind of "stays out of it". She tells me to just drink wine LOL And my siblings have kids too so we are stymied over the I "should call SIL" for advice.
[ Reply | Options ]She is just being intrusive. Do you ever call MIL for anything? Maybe calling a few times about simple things will get her off your back. Also tell you that you can not attend every family function b/c your family deserves some of your time too. Tell her that you will try to be as fair as possible.
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Here is an example: I took DD and DS to see cloudy with a chance of meatballs by myself. DH had to work so I said "let's go and have some fun." Well when MIL heard I did that she got all up in arms that I didn't call SIL and her DCs to go. How was I able to do that by myself, she asked. Frankly the three of us had a blast.
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[-]Who signs their child up for modelling with the hope that they "will get discovered"? seriously who does that?
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I have a friend whose daughter was a child model/actress. She always got they "my, what a beautiful baby you have" comment. She got it so much that she finally just took a chance and went to a child modeling agency with some polaroids she took herself. This was before the "internets", so she went to the library to find out who was the most reputable child representation in New York.
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[-]raising a child in a tri-lingual household. anyone else with the same experience?
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My DS is bilingual. We have two friends whose children are tri-lingual. I noticed that in both cases there is a dominant language and the secondary one but the third language is much behind the other two. It takes a lot of discipline to do the tri-lingual thing, I think it is great that you can do it.
[ Reply | Options ]That's my experience too. Also, I have 2 dcs and now that they are both speaking English fluently we end up using English more often than before. When they were little I used to speak to them almost exclusively in my mother tongue, but now as they speak English to each other I end up speaking English with them too.
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my cousin and her dh speak three languages but only taught the dcs two (italian and english) so they can speak privately to each other in the third (french)!
[ Reply | Options ]lol I hope they do not rely too often on this. My parents used to speak to eachother in dutch (they are from Holland) in front of us all the time thinking we couldnt understand them, and though none of us could actually speak dutch they must have done it too often because we learned to understand them.
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We don't have a choice about the three languages. Its just a matter of fact in our household (mother's native lang, father's native lang and English, the common language). Dc is slow to speak but he understands everything we say. Its very difficult and we don't have a lot of people around us in the same situation. We make sure to speak exclusively in our native language to dc.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes and I know many others. In our case DH speaks 4 languages fluently (European). We lived in Europe until recently so DS is trilingual. I know many others (Americans) as well. One family has an English dad, Chinese mom (WOHM) and live-in (frail) Grandma, and Spanish nanny. The kid didn't talk until 18 months but then was fluent in English, Spanish, Cantonese and Mandarin. Other kids we know also speak 3. It's just a matter of how many people spend time with the kid and what languages they speak. The real challenge is getting them to read equally well in all three (my DC reads best in English at this point, but we still work on reading in the other 2)
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[-]I hate Guiliani. I wish he would shut up and go away. Why the hell is Bloomberg using him to campaign? Lost a lot of respect for Bloomberg.
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[-]I was at the beach this summer and trying to get all the beach gears back in the car and my toddler started having a meltdown on the way to the car. He wanted me to carry him but I couldn't with my hands full so I ran to the car to unload and ran back to him (there were no cars around, just a small beach path, all within viewing distance) and this woman was standing staring at my son and proceeded to berate me, telling me "I saw that, you shouldn't have done that. You're a horrible mother" I scooped my son up, went back to the car and cried. Why do so many people feel like its ok to criticize motherhood? Of all people, other women?
113 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I know what you mean. If it's any consolation I think those people who get so heated have often been victims of child abuse/neglect and/or work in fields where they see a lot of it. So they overreact.
[ Reply | Options ]Next time you think about doing that, think about visiting the NY Sex Offender Registry. There are sexual deviants everywhere, even in the most affluent communities. Those few minutes that you left your toddler alone might have been his last.
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And you are naive. I suppose you'll go right on living in your bubble until reality rears its ugly head. I feel for your kids.
[ Reply | Options ]The reality is that a child is FAR more likely to be sexually abused by someone they know instead of a stranger. The reality is that while this mom was putting gear in the car and had her dc within sight - the chances a sexual deviant would come by, kidnap in broad daylight are slim. Very slim. Yes, we all saw the news about the child abducted and held prisoner for 19 years. So, in 19 years, of all the children in America, how many others do you know snatched off the street right before their parents eyes?
[ Reply | Options ]More than you think, but even if it's just one, why would you take this chance???
[ Reply | Options ]Do you know how many kids are killed and maimed in car accidents every year? A hell of a lot more than are killed by some sex pervert who happens to be hanging around on the beach on Nantucket or wherever. And yet you've probably put your kid in a car, right? Does that make you a lousy mother? Seriously--you're the one living in a bubble. Your notion of "reality" is based on your own exaggerated fears, not on anything real.
[ Reply | Options ]Statistically, this is correct. The chances of your child being abducted by a stranger are quite low and it will probably never happen to you, anyone you know, or even anyone in your town/city. However, to deny that these things DO happen and that it CAN happen to your child is what's called living in denial. The more you know, the better you do. Parents do not have to go around living in fear that someone is going to snatch their child, but they should acknowledge that it could happen and make their parenting choices accordingly. Life is all about calculated risk, but to deny those risks is risky.
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you are a paranoid freak. Parents have got to stop living and instilling fear of sexual predators behind every corner.
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That's right. I'm the one with the .357 at home. But my dc won't be a victim like yours will.
[ Reply | Options ]LOL!! Why don't you try reading the statistics about kids who live in homes with guns? Oh, and maybe the ones about how effective guns at home actually are against home invaders, criminals, etc. I'll give you a hint--not very.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: If you take suicide out of those statistics, guns in the home are not anywhere near as risky to the gun owner as the naysayers would have you believe. I don't advocate anyone getting a gun who doesn't train with it and doesn't treat it with respect. But the misinformation in this area is pretty overwhelming (on both sides.)
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come on lady (or dude), she had her eyes on the kid the whole time... its okay to be careful but its nutty to be paranoid...
[ Reply | Options ]Bulls**t. There's no way that OP was loading beach gear into the car with her eyes on her son the whole time. Do you have any idea how quickly a child can be led away or forcibly taken?
[ Reply | Options ]Hmm, if i were her, i would just quickly unload the stuff (and she said she unloaded) by the car and not "loading the stuff to the car" while keeping an eye on him. Normal mother's actions. So if you think she just wasn't looking at him at all all those minutes, you seriously don't know what you are talking about.
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Women, generally, are nasty to each other. I think it's hard-wired, and while it's possible to have good friends, it takes a tremendous amount of work and focus to overcome your predisposition to be mean to other women.
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I think it's a survival of the race type-of-thing. Women view other women as a threat.
[ Reply | Options ]me neither. and i think it's pretty destructive to insist we all hate each other.
[ Reply | Options ]me too. While I have met plenty of insecure woman who do dislike and are threatened by others, to try and claim it is biological is just plain silly. Glad I got the friendly gene!
[ Reply | Options ]I think it has less to do with demeanor, and more to do with competition. Perhaps you are not a competitive person.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm probably one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. But competition in a good way not in a life sense.
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You're competitive "in a good way?' I would just like to see you try to define that.
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How long did it take you to come up with that? Just face it, if you're competitive, it's part of your personality. It's not something you turn on and off. Most NYers are competitive. There really is no definition of good or bad competitiveness because it's all subjective. You may have enough self-esteem not to judge other women on a day-in/day-out basis, but I would bet that you are threatened by women who seem to have as much, or more than you do. It's completely natural, whether you're a nice person or not.
[ Reply | Options ]you would lose your money - now instead of me guessing why you would call me a liar about what I do and me guessing why you are so heavily invested in convincing me (or you) that I am naturally threatened by women - why not just tell me why this is so very important to you. Does it make you feel more "normal" because you feel this way?
[ Reply | Options ]read your post once more, and yes, the one thing I agree with you on is I am competitive. I actually told you that I was most likely one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. Nothing wrong with healty competition. It's great actually. I don't think there has ever been a successful athlete that didn't have a competitive spirit.
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that's a sad way of thinking... i never thought of that, but if you think so, and if you are a woman, then you probably act that way yourself. but not everyone is like that. Although I understand where I might get that kind of idea, but it is the society, the competition, the standards, whatnot, that forces many to act in certain way, and not predisposition IMHO.
[ Reply | Options ]OR: I'm surprised, on UB of all places, that this theory is so hard for people to grasp. In nature, there are many species where female animals are the more aggressive sex. In most primates,competitive interaction between females is a well-documented characteristic. Do you think men would sit around and trash each other on a website the same way the women do here?
[ Reply | Options ]I think you are totally right, I never saw someone put it so bluntly, there's always the sisterhood stuff, but I think it's true. I think as we get older, we start to come from a place of "I don't like you, until I like you". Scratch that, it's not when we get older, remember the bitch face in a bar? I have lovely women friends who I trust and would do so much for, but the new women I meet take a long time to become friends, it seems to start out hostile until we realize we have something in common.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I think women are MUCH more reserved than men when meeting initially, almost as though they are sizing up the other woman (is she genuine? is she a b*tch? can she be trusted?) Men don't seem to process this stuff- they just lay their true selves out, and either they like the guy or they don't.
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If this woman was standing near your son close enough to berate you when you got back to him, when did you initially see her? If you couldn't see her when you say you could see your son the entire time I think she might have a point.
[ Reply | Options ]I probably wouldn't have cried if I weren't already so exhausted (heat, toddler meltdown, argument with husband etc). Having said that, I remember I was so shocked that this stupid woman, in an instant, made me feel so trashy, when I am an educated, informed, loving and caring mother. Just reminded me of the fragile state of motherhood and how under appreciated we are. No one sings our praise, but they are sure as hell quick to point out what we do wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]I think people "sing our praises" everything they say your son is nice, or polite, or give you a smile when he does something like attempt to open a door for someone else.
[ Reply | Options ]I have more stories like that than I could ever recall - including one where a man yelled at me for disciplining my dc in a restaurant, while his dd terrorized every table. If you're ever feeling empowered enough to say something, the only thing I ever came up with- and only had the nerve to say it once, that effectively shut them up was: "It must be exhausting to be perfect."
[ Reply | Options ]I understand, I had a similar reaction when someone chose to pick a fight with me over something far more trivial. 3 yo DD was meandering around a non-crowded sidewalk and a young & able-bodied man may have had to step aside or something to get around her since she was walking a perfect adult straight line. Anyway we had words over my parenting and I was reliving it for days, even though I chose to engage with him and it was so stupid to begin with.
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anyways, i don't mean to obsess over the details. i saw the woman right behind us the whole time, she lingered watching my son's melt down. just was reminded of this incident when a friend of mine mentioned today that a stranger chastised her about her child's melt down, who is mildly autistic. a lot of the time, you just don't know the whole picture so you shouldn't say anything, especially to a mother, unless its OBVIOUS abuse. this board is so nit picky, seriously.
[ Reply | Options ]um, you are obsessing. frankly, you're starting to creep me out with all your posts on this.
[ Reply | Options ]IMO, that's even worse behaviour on your part. You observed a stranger watching your son. You then chose to leave him near this stranger while you went to the car. How did you know she wasn't watching him thinking about how to kidnap him?
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Read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin De Becker and you will realize your mistake and never do it again.
[ Reply | Options ]I love that book, and I am in full support of OP. Tell me on what page you think she will find information that says she can't leave a child she can't pick up a few feet away from her as she puts stuff down by the car and keeps him in sight the entire time. Please, I have my book right here.
[ Reply | Options ]Did she say ds was merely a few feet away? Okay, then try the chapter where the woman is shopping with her son and the man approaches offering to take him down to the arcade. Or, you can just take the message of the entire book and wake up. Her mistake was to leave her son while she shuttled material items to the car, which shows you that she was thinking someone might steal her stuff but never thought someone might try to steal her child.
[ Reply | Options ]The majority of criminals would steal your stuff over your child-that's just common sense. Her child might fall off the curb and get brain damage too. I'm sure that happens as often as child abductions by strangers. Perhaps children should wear helmets all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]Maybe so on the stealing, but what would you rather have taken? Why chance it? How can you read this book and not agree that op should not have left her son? I'll go a step further and say that op was angry at her son for his meltdown and left him there as a "lesson". Ha! She got her lesson from the wise old woman who let her know she saw her.
[ Reply | Options ]someone else chimed in and did not put np - of course I've read the book. I LOVE THAT BOOK. And I know the part you are discusing about the child being lured away from the store. The perp actually befriended both the mother and the child (or tried to) before hand so that a conversation was started and there was an attempt at familiarity. Is that enough proof for you that I read the book. Got the story. Still, have no problem with the OP and her descripton of events. Sorry. We will simply do what all good readers do and take different lessons from the same words.
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1) we don't know that her dc was only a few feet from her 2) we don't know that dc was in her sight the entire time 3) op is clearly pulling our collective legs
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Ugh, that's hard. I've been in your spot many times, and curse dh under my breath for not being there (which is often). However, I somehow manage to bring child and tow all that junk all at once - yes my stronger arm now has a constant twingy strain and my posture resembles Quasimodo's.
[ Reply | Options ]Some of you ladies are so uptight! I bet if this was a dear friend of yours recounting this at a dinner party, you would have all concurred and empathized. Ok, she shouldn't have left the toddler within sight for any reason but are we all so perfect? Give the woman a break, its not like she abandoned the child on a streetcurb.
[ Reply | Options ]My question is: would this woman have said the same thing if it were a dad doing the same thing?
[ Reply | Options ]Chances are, the dad would have been able to carry the kid and the gear, so this is a moot point.
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a dad here- I get tee'ed off on all the time. Everyone thinks it is ok to tell dads what we are doing wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]Another dad here. The real difference is that we don't care what other people think about how we handle our children.
[ Reply | Options ]Orig dad: There is some truth there. BUT as I said somewhere else, don't do it in front of my kids. I don't care what Mrs. Palumbo, the old lady next door, has to say to/about me. But don't do it in front of my kids. Then it is "go time!"
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She has since passed so any further joking would be in bad taste. (That rarely stops me.) While she was a hard and a mean old broad in some ways she was not a complete ass (and could be really kind in her own tough old-school way.) She held her tongue so I never really had to figure out what "go time" would have been. But she was on O2 so I'd like to think that in a best of three cage match, I would have taken her at least two times.
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I quite agree. Was thinking more about the looks or catty comments that my kids aren't old enough to pick up on.
[ Reply | Options ]I had an old lady once berate me when I was with my first born. It was January and I took him out of the car and carried him ten steps into the bookstore. She went on and on about his not being dressed warmly enough. (He had a giant fleece thing with a thick hood but no hat (the horror.)) I said to her, "I know you think you have the best interests of my child at heart, so I'm inclined to not tell you you are an asshole. Have a nice day."
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Wow. I assume you have good judgment and make decisions that are generally sound. Even if you make mistakes once in a while, there's no reason for anyone to judge. I totally understand your reaction. It's hard enough to build confidence as a parent without strangers undermining us. I took our 4-month old on an emergency errand on a particularly windy, cold day. I was struggling with the bucket seat and the shopping cart near the car and a busybody, observing me, but offering no help, hollered " poor baby, what a terrible day to pick to take her out!" I seriously considered keying her car. Such a pointless yet hurtful comment. There are asses everywhere, most of them vocally so...
[ Reply | Options ]I would have reversed the order, too. But that said, my issue is someone talking to me like that in front of my child. I'm a dad and it happens all the time. There is an old lady on the block whose two kids spend more time in rehab or jail than breathing free air. She routinely told me what I was doing wrong. Finally, I saw her without my kids and I told her my son was now old enough to understand her crazy talk and she was not allowed to talk to me in front of my children. It makes the block a little quieter but...
[ Reply | Options ]i would never have left my child...why not drop the gear and put ds in the car and drive the few feet and pick up gear...the lady was right very stupid thing to do your child could have gotten up and ran in an instant...
[ Reply | Options ]I think the issue is not whether the OP was correct in her decision-making process or not. Who knows what was the bestest course of action at that particular point and anyway, who hasn't at some point done something they later reassess as not their best decision? Jeez, even the most careful of us will eventually falter, and it's no stranger's job to point it out to us in a nasty way. Period. If you are a stranger and observe a situation that is sub-optimal, pipe up and offer help, don't pipe up and offer free criticism!
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[-]looking for paint - girls room, boys room, parents room....any new favorites out there?
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THEMOMSTUDY.COM Hi Moms, I am the mom of a special needs kid and trying to finish my PhD in clinical psychology. As part of my doctoral thesis I am conducting an on-line survey about being a mom. If you are a mom of a child with a learning disability between the ages of 5 and 11 log on to THEMOMSTUDY.COM--it's easy, totally confidential, takes only 20 minutes (although it allows for an hour) and you can enter to win $500 by taking it. All to help one mom who ultimately wants to help lots of moms! THANKS for taking the time to do this--your input is essential. If you could forward to any moms that qualify I would really appreciate it.
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[-]How long does it really take to recover from a tummy tuck, and was it worth it? Also, can they do anything about the "bra handles" -- you know, the blob of fat right below your bra that doesn't respond to excercise?
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it's a tough recovery - 1st week many woman can not stand up straight - 4-6 weeks total recovery with best results in 3-6 months post-op. This might be old info if things have changed in the last 6 years - I did a plastics rotation and this is what I remember. "arm Fat can be done anytime w little or no downtime.
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We've been living in NYC for a year and are going back to SF Bay Area for 1st time this Xmas. Want to throw a casual party where we can see all our friends and their kids and they can see us and ours (18 mos. and 3). Looking for a venue where the kids will be able to play and have fun while the adults catch up. Can't do outdoors because it rains a lot in December in the Bay Area. Can anyone think of a place to do this? I'm seriously wondering if a Gymboree or Little Gym would host us... but seems too reminiscent of a kid's b-day party.
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