[-]When there are family events that involve the inlaws, my MIL is quick to point out differences in my DCs versus her "other" grandchildren. Examples: My 3YO DS takes naps, still. When I try to get him to lay down or if he just passes out, she'll say, "Well Ryan never took naps at that age. Can't believe he still naps." My 12YO niece just got a cell phone and she asked me if my 6YO DD will be getting one. Things like that. Drives me crazy. Not sure if she says these things because she is disapproving of her "other" grandchildren's habits (trying to give the benefit) or what. Her tone suggests disapproving of me. WWDYT?
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Here's what I do with my similarly annoying MIL, just with a different theme: I ignore her as much as possible and answer her as briefly and unemotionally as possible. Over time I have trained her to make the annoying comments less often because the don't get the rise out of me that she's looking for. It works, I promise. Just don't engage.
[ Reply | Options ]Just find a standard response and use it every time. Eventually she will get sick of hearing it and stop.
[ Reply | Options ]People are just annoying that way. My mom used to tell me that my nanny was forcing dc to nap during the day when he was 3yo so that she could have time off in the afternoon. Meanwhile, when he didn't nap, he was a whiny cranky disaster by the time I got home. But since I had not napped past the age of 2, in her mind, no kid should.
[ Reply | Options ]I always just say 'yes' to any nutty suggestion mil has and then ignore advice and do exactly as I was planning to anyway. She's satisfied because she gets a positive response, and I'm satisfied because it never escalates into a conversation about who should be making the calls on how to raise my children. Perfect.
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[-]what did u think about the interview on ABC with rihanna? At least rihanna 'woke up' and smelt the cofee. Again, she's human and acted on impulse so...
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Merriam Webster - Main Entry: smell Pronunciation: \?smel\ Function: verb Inflected Form(s): smelled \?smeld\ or smelt \?smelt\; smell·ing Etymology: Middle English Date: 12th centurytransitive verb 1 : to perceive the odor or scent of through stimuli affecting the olfactory nerves : get the odor or scent of with the nose 2 : to detect or become aware of as if by the sense of smell <I smell trouble> 3 : to emit the odor of
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I liked her until she decided to stay with that guy that beat her up. Then I was finished with her. Don't read about her or listen to her music and turn the channel when I see her face or hear her name.All these celebs have a chance to make a stand/difference and they don't. They smoke, do drugs, drink and drive, and become inept at making the right decision. She had a lot more resources than the normal person had to get away from him and she didn't. She also could have been a role model for millions of woman who are being beaten regularly by boyfriends/fiances/husbands.
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She's just trying to save her image and maintain her marketability. I send Cover Girl a snarky e-mail after they ran a new campaign with her shortly after she was attacked and had gone back to Chris Brown. I mean, really, are they trying to be the best makeup brand to cover up bruises from domestic violence? So I saw the headlines about Rihanna's "wake up call" and now today there's one from Chris Brown "I don't know what I was thinking". In my opinion, both should be untouchable from a marketing standpoint.
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[-]My little 2 yr old son comes into my bedroom every morning and wakes me up by caressing my face and hair and planting a gentle kiss on my mouth. Best way to wake up. Will he be doing this in thirty years to his girlfriend? I don't even want to think about it!!!!
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Awwwww. Big smile on my face. My near 3 year old sometimes does something similar. Occasionally he'll climb into bed and push daddy! I never put much stake in Freud, but it really is hilarious in its following it so perfectly!
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So adorable! I have a 10 month old- OP/other posters, do you remember when your DCs started doing this kind of stuff?
[ Reply | Options ]it all evolves. starts with little kisses and hugs and little moments of real tenderness. i also believe that they copy what adults do so if you and your partner show affection like this, the child will surely start doing the same. i had a friend whose husband was always telling his wife how beautiful, how lovely etc etc and sure enough, they have a Lothario for a son
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[-]As I was pushing my stroller, a woman came up from behind me in a hurry and pushed me aside and her little rolling suitcase got caught in the wheels of my stroller. When she passed me, she turned around and sneered "What are you trying to do? Run me over?" At which point, I responded "Are you crazy? You B****, you pushed me from behind, how can I run you over" So, I'm really ashamed I used the B word because its such a derogatory term for woman and I hate the word. But I must admit, felt better afterwards.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I was crossing the street yesterday (carrying 2 year old) and the person in the car at the corner was looking the opposite way for oncoming traffic instead of the other way, where I was. As I start to cross the street he gunned it b/c it's a busy street and almost hit me and my dd. I usually NEVER flip anyone off but this is one instance where it could have cost us both our lives.
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[-]My DS is 6; dresses monochromatically (red shirt, red pants, red socks, red shoes; then blue shirt, blue pants, blue socks, bluck shoes another day etc and so forth); has a speech impediment (thwick or thweat on Halloween for example) and we were just told that he needs to be seen by an occupational therapist for hand coordination/mobility issues. He also has few friends and rarely asks for playdates and doesn't play with his toys "appropriately"-could this be autism?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Does he connect with others (i.e. have close bonds)? Does he become upset with things are out of order? When you say he doesn't play with toys appropriately, do you mean he puts pieces in a bucket to dump out when they should be used to move on a boardgame or something like this?
[ Reply | Options ]No he does not connect with others; doesn't really become upset with disorder per se; "doesn't play appropriately" means-acts like a golf club is a broom; cuddles a laser gun; will scratch his head with his foot and act like a monkey and then make the noises for a few hours; loves loves loves the vacuum...
[ Reply | Options ]I would ask your ped. Do you think it's autism? How is he with you and his father? Does he like or not like being physically touched (huged, kissed)? Does he play with other kids or like to be by himself? Do you ever see him walking something like lights/wheels turning/spinning things?
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[-]What are people's experiences with mice? We just killed one and Im so upset! I know they are so unsanitary, but no one really wants to kill anything! Weve tried everything! Glue traps, snap traps, the little discs that they go into and it snaps closed. Ive heard of the noise makers that you plug in, but how could those work? Also, does having a cat really keep them away? We have a small baby and I am at my end! We live in a clean apt in a pretty pre-war walkup, HELP!
53 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]The ONLY thing that works is to search for any holes around the house and seal them (behind kitchen appliances, radiators, around washing machine, every possible place) We've had problems and used everything and that was really the only thing that worked. Trust me. We've also caught mice on glue traps and my husband took it to the park and set them free with oil.
[ Reply | Options ]We had a problem when they were doing work in our apt. They would come and go but it wasn't until dh found the hole that we ended the problem.
[ Reply | Options ]Get a cat. We used to see occasional mice in our pre-war, but got at cat 2 years ago. The mice don't dare enter!!! Suggestion... go to a shelter and find a nice adult cat that's been declawed by the previous owner. Since you live in an apt and the cat will be an indoor cat with no natural predators, it will be fine and so will your baby!
[ Reply | Options ]^^^ BTW... it's not "politically correct" to declaw cats, so if the idea of adopting one appeals to you, just matter of factly point out that you live in an apt and kitty will be strictly an indoor cat. 'nuf said.
[ Reply | Options ]Declawing the cat is not the same thing as clipping their fingernails, it's the equivalent of cutting off one's fingers at the knuckle. I considered it when I adopted my cat, but opted against it after doing the research.
[ Reply | Options ]well, you can't blame a homeless kitty for having no claws (I think it's nuts to declaw a cat, btw) but I don't understand how a cat without claws can even kill a mouse. eeeww.
[ Reply | Options ]I declawed both of my cats when they were kittens. It was either that or the shelter would have killed them. I think they live a pretty darn nice life without their claws.
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That is such crap. The "no-kill" shelters are the ones that just take the most adoptable animals, leaving the three legged pit bulls and the rabid ferals to the "kill" shelters who have to make the tougher calls. And ALL of the shelters are wildly overburdened, esp. with cats. I just don't think it's fair to divvy them up into "kill" and "no-kill."
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Well, obviously if a previous owner declawed the cats, then the deed is done. I am saying that you don't need to declaw cats without at least giving them a shot at living with them.
[ Reply | Options ]For us, it was either declaw the cats or they wouldn't get adopted by us (and therefore killed by the shelter). I think a pampered life without claws (no predators, clean and warm home, food and water aplenty without need for hunting and scavenging) would be preferable to no life at all.
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You should notlive with vermin in your house -Seal every hole with steel wool packed as tightly as you can, pay special attention to where pipes come in and behind cabinets, mice can slip through incredibly small holes. Set traps inside the house along baseboards - put peanut butter on the spring trigger, but trapping alone will not work as they reproduce so quickly. Noise makers are useless, glue traps are actually worse if you want a humane death - would you rather have your neck swiftly broken or would you rather die of starvation, exhaustion or asphixiation while you struggle in a vat of glue? well probably neither... but refer back to my original point
[ Reply | Options ]We had this problem years ago in our old place. At one point DH caught 17 mice in glue traps in a week! THe problem was not resolved until we put out DCON. We didn;t have dcs at the time, so didn;t have to worry about anyone getting into the poison though. Can you go away for a week and do it? Live with grandparents? A friend? A hotel?
[ Reply | Options ]i have no objection to animals running free, just not in my house. any animal caught in the house (uninvited) gets labeled as vermin, and there's a no trespassing under penalty of death invoked. i love cats and have one, but don't get one if you want a mouser - it may not be one, and if it is one, you may get mouse corpses in your bed for your troubles. just kill them and seal up the holes.
[ Reply | Options ]We plugged up all our holes but then I think the mouse was stuck. Eventually we just put down a snap trap. In the end I couldn't bear the thought of a mouse dying a slow death on a glue trap or the reality of releasing a live mouse on the street.
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erm...they used to use them at a restaurant I worked at (in the basement not the kitchen!) and the mice could live for ages pinned down in the glue. It was horrible. I could never use one.
[ Reply | Options ]i don't want vermin in my house, so by any means necessary has become my motto.'
[ Reply | Options ]I'm dealing with them right now too so I'm not judging--all of my Beatrix Potter instincts go out the window when I find poop on the counters--but I just couldn't do it personally. Whereas I have less issue with borrowing a cat to come in and savage them. Hypocritical and irrational, I know.
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OR i have one of those too...luckily the other guy is still going strong but getting slower thats for sure..;)
[ Reply | Options ]call an exterminator and have them seal up your apt. will cost about 2000 for a small 2 bedroom-- more and more if ur house is bigger. worth every penny. ask if they can guarantee their work for a year- if the prob comes back they reseal for free. some companies offer this. you cant do it nearly as well yourself and neither can your super if he's nice enough to offer.
[ Reply | Options ]EXTERMINATORS: Complete waste of time and money. Our landlord sent exterminators (2 diff companies at different apartments) and they come, act all professional, set steel wool in possible holes, set glue and poison traps all over the house and leave. The mice are back in no time. The only way we got rid of them was to find the holes ourselves. Both times we had mice, there was construction work a few apts away.
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Just trap them in a corner with another person to help you out. Put it in a container =)) and pour hot water inside. Cats can help but I wouldn't count too much on it too coz sometimes the mouse can be too big
[ Reply | Options ]Like people above said, you HAVE to find the holes....check along the base of your kitchen cabinets...get down and feel all along the base of them and look up where each cabinet meets (when you look inside a cabinet, where you see the 'wall' on the side that is where that cabinet ends.....look up and under at that spot, there may be a little hole that you can't see unless you feel for it. You have to seal all those up, plus make sure your outside doors don't have any gaps and also no gaps around radiator pipes. You'll know they are in your cabinets if you find mouse poop under your kitchen sink. They usually don't seal the walls before installing cabinets. In the kitchen you should make sure you seal off any exit from behind the cabin...
[ Reply | Options ]^^oh and as poster above said, dcon works but more will just keep coming. We finally had our apt sealed up sooo well that there were 6 mice trapped inside. They would hide during the day in closets or behind appliances and come out at night. We had to put long lines of glue traps at certain spots we knew they would cross and eventually caught them all. By this point I didn't give a crap about them suffering. Finding mouse shit in my dc's lunchbox one morning was the last straw for me.
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I once had a RAT problem in a country house (no not the Hamptons) and the only thing that worked in the end was poison. We put it under the sink where they were getting in. Since you have a DC, the second best thing would be a cat. I hate them personally, but our DD has become very attached to the one we have which is another benefit.
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[-]I still have amazing sex with my husband. Not often, but when we do, its amazing.
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I don't understand how the sex can be so amazing but you still only have it once in a while. Me and dh have amazing sex as well but bc of that he wants it all the time bc he's thinking about how great it is all the time. If we end up going more than 4 or 5 days without it, once we do it it's like everythings awakened again and it's back to every day or every other day. So I guess I just don't understand how it can be so good but neither of you try to get it more often.
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[-]Adultery alert...single dude at work kind of hot and his pheromones are definitely working for me. No intimacy with husband right now. I have been in close proximity to another guy for awhile and this is definitely getting me thinking. I don't plan to cross that line but is even thinking about it so much cheating? Also, now single dude has a girlfriend and I'm pissed off b/c I just am.
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[-]My MIL insists I do everything (okay not everything but most) like her daughter does and thinks I should be calling her all the time for advice and whatnot. Why am I not allowed independent thought and to be my own person? She assumes I will go to all of the family functions because I "have to". What's up with that???
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Is your mother still alive? The reason I am asking is b/c I always ask my mom about things but dh always asks his mom. My mom said she was worried that my brothers wife would just always go to her mom but I do, that's just the way it works.
[ Reply | Options ]Yep my mother is still alive and kind of "stays out of it". She tells me to just drink wine LOL And my siblings have kids too so we are stymied over the I "should call SIL" for advice.
[ Reply | Options ]She is just being intrusive. Do you ever call MIL for anything? Maybe calling a few times about simple things will get her off your back. Also tell you that you can not attend every family function b/c your family deserves some of your time too. Tell her that you will try to be as fair as possible.
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Here is an example: I took DD and DS to see cloudy with a chance of meatballs by myself. DH had to work so I said "let's go and have some fun." Well when MIL heard I did that she got all up in arms that I didn't call SIL and her DCs to go. How was I able to do that by myself, she asked. Frankly the three of us had a blast.
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[-]anyone with (real) terracotta floors? we would like to do our kitchen with it. The porcelain and ceramic "terracotta" just dont look or feel like the real thing, but have heard concerns of upkeep and durability of real terracotta.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]while lovely to look at, they are so hard and unforgiving. they are a killer on my feet and back. granted, i'm barefoot a lot, but both dh and I (he always wears something on his feet) get back pain and foot pain when standing for a while on our floors. doing dishes, cooking, etc.
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[-]Who signs their child up for modelling with the hope that they "will get discovered"? seriously who does that?
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I have a friend whose daughter was a child model/actress. She always got they "my, what a beautiful baby you have" comment. She got it so much that she finally just took a chance and went to a child modeling agency with some polaroids she took herself. This was before the "internets", so she went to the library to find out who was the most reputable child representation in New York.
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[-]raising a child in a tri-lingual household. anyone else with the same experience?
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My DS is bilingual. We have two friends whose children are tri-lingual. I noticed that in both cases there is a dominant language and the secondary one but the third language is much behind the other two. It takes a lot of discipline to do the tri-lingual thing, I think it is great that you can do it.
[ Reply | Options ]That's my experience too. Also, I have 2 dcs and now that they are both speaking English fluently we end up using English more often than before. When they were little I used to speak to them almost exclusively in my mother tongue, but now as they speak English to each other I end up speaking English with them too.
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my cousin and her dh speak three languages but only taught the dcs two (italian and english) so they can speak privately to each other in the third (french)!
[ Reply | Options ]lol I hope they do not rely too often on this. My parents used to speak to eachother in dutch (they are from Holland) in front of us all the time thinking we couldnt understand them, and though none of us could actually speak dutch they must have done it too often because we learned to understand them.
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We don't have a choice about the three languages. Its just a matter of fact in our household (mother's native lang, father's native lang and English, the common language). Dc is slow to speak but he understands everything we say. Its very difficult and we don't have a lot of people around us in the same situation. We make sure to speak exclusively in our native language to dc.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes and I know many others. In our case DH speaks 4 languages fluently (European). We lived in Europe until recently so DS is trilingual. I know many others (Americans) as well. One family has an English dad, Chinese mom (WOHM) and live-in (frail) Grandma, and Spanish nanny. The kid didn't talk until 18 months but then was fluent in English, Spanish, Cantonese and Mandarin. Other kids we know also speak 3. It's just a matter of how many people spend time with the kid and what languages they speak. The real challenge is getting them to read equally well in all three (my DC reads best in English at this point, but we still work on reading in the other 2)
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[-]I was at the beach this summer and trying to get all the beach gears back in the car and my toddler started having a meltdown on the way to the car. He wanted me to carry him but I couldn't with my hands full so I ran to the car to unload and ran back to him (there were no cars around, just a small beach path, all within viewing distance) and this woman was standing staring at my son and proceeded to berate me, telling me "I saw that, you shouldn't have done that. You're a horrible mother" I scooped my son up, went back to the car and cried. Why do so many people feel like its ok to criticize motherhood? Of all people, other women?
113 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I know what you mean. If it's any consolation I think those people who get so heated have often been victims of child abuse/neglect and/or work in fields where they see a lot of it. So they overreact.
[ Reply | Options ]Next time you think about doing that, think about visiting the NY Sex Offender Registry. There are sexual deviants everywhere, even in the most affluent communities. Those few minutes that you left your toddler alone might have been his last.
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And you are naive. I suppose you'll go right on living in your bubble until reality rears its ugly head. I feel for your kids.
[ Reply | Options ]The reality is that a child is FAR more likely to be sexually abused by someone they know instead of a stranger. The reality is that while this mom was putting gear in the car and had her dc within sight - the chances a sexual deviant would come by, kidnap in broad daylight are slim. Very slim. Yes, we all saw the news about the child abducted and held prisoner for 19 years. So, in 19 years, of all the children in America, how many others do you know snatched off the street right before their parents eyes?
[ Reply | Options ]More than you think, but even if it's just one, why would you take this chance???
[ Reply | Options ]Do you know how many kids are killed and maimed in car accidents every year? A hell of a lot more than are killed by some sex pervert who happens to be hanging around on the beach on Nantucket or wherever. And yet you've probably put your kid in a car, right? Does that make you a lousy mother? Seriously--you're the one living in a bubble. Your notion of "reality" is based on your own exaggerated fears, not on anything real.
[ Reply | Options ]Statistically, this is correct. The chances of your child being abducted by a stranger are quite low and it will probably never happen to you, anyone you know, or even anyone in your town/city. However, to deny that these things DO happen and that it CAN happen to your child is what's called living in denial. The more you know, the better you do. Parents do not have to go around living in fear that someone is going to snatch their child, but they should acknowledge that it could happen and make their parenting choices accordingly. Life is all about calculated risk, but to deny those risks is risky.
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you are a paranoid freak. Parents have got to stop living and instilling fear of sexual predators behind every corner.
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That's right. I'm the one with the .357 at home. But my dc won't be a victim like yours will.
[ Reply | Options ]LOL!! Why don't you try reading the statistics about kids who live in homes with guns? Oh, and maybe the ones about how effective guns at home actually are against home invaders, criminals, etc. I'll give you a hint--not very.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: If you take suicide out of those statistics, guns in the home are not anywhere near as risky to the gun owner as the naysayers would have you believe. I don't advocate anyone getting a gun who doesn't train with it and doesn't treat it with respect. But the misinformation in this area is pretty overwhelming (on both sides.)
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come on lady (or dude), she had her eyes on the kid the whole time... its okay to be careful but its nutty to be paranoid...
[ Reply | Options ]Bulls**t. There's no way that OP was loading beach gear into the car with her eyes on her son the whole time. Do you have any idea how quickly a child can be led away or forcibly taken?
[ Reply | Options ]Hmm, if i were her, i would just quickly unload the stuff (and she said she unloaded) by the car and not "loading the stuff to the car" while keeping an eye on him. Normal mother's actions. So if you think she just wasn't looking at him at all all those minutes, you seriously don't know what you are talking about.
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Women, generally, are nasty to each other. I think it's hard-wired, and while it's possible to have good friends, it takes a tremendous amount of work and focus to overcome your predisposition to be mean to other women.
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I think it's a survival of the race type-of-thing. Women view other women as a threat.
[ Reply | Options ]me neither. and i think it's pretty destructive to insist we all hate each other.
[ Reply | Options ]me too. While I have met plenty of insecure woman who do dislike and are threatened by others, to try and claim it is biological is just plain silly. Glad I got the friendly gene!
[ Reply | Options ]I think it has less to do with demeanor, and more to do with competition. Perhaps you are not a competitive person.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm probably one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. But competition in a good way not in a life sense.
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You're competitive "in a good way?' I would just like to see you try to define that.
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How long did it take you to come up with that? Just face it, if you're competitive, it's part of your personality. It's not something you turn on and off. Most NYers are competitive. There really is no definition of good or bad competitiveness because it's all subjective. You may have enough self-esteem not to judge other women on a day-in/day-out basis, but I would bet that you are threatened by women who seem to have as much, or more than you do. It's completely natural, whether you're a nice person or not.
[ Reply | Options ]you would lose your money - now instead of me guessing why you would call me a liar about what I do and me guessing why you are so heavily invested in convincing me (or you) that I am naturally threatened by women - why not just tell me why this is so very important to you. Does it make you feel more "normal" because you feel this way?
[ Reply | Options ]read your post once more, and yes, the one thing I agree with you on is I am competitive. I actually told you that I was most likely one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. Nothing wrong with healty competition. It's great actually. I don't think there has ever been a successful athlete that didn't have a competitive spirit.
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that's a sad way of thinking... i never thought of that, but if you think so, and if you are a woman, then you probably act that way yourself. but not everyone is like that. Although I understand where I might get that kind of idea, but it is the society, the competition, the standards, whatnot, that forces many to act in certain way, and not predisposition IMHO.
[ Reply | Options ]OR: I'm surprised, on UB of all places, that this theory is so hard for people to grasp. In nature, there are many species where female animals are the more aggressive sex. In most primates,competitive interaction between females is a well-documented characteristic. Do you think men would sit around and trash each other on a website the same way the women do here?
[ Reply | Options ]I think you are totally right, I never saw someone put it so bluntly, there's always the sisterhood stuff, but I think it's true. I think as we get older, we start to come from a place of "I don't like you, until I like you". Scratch that, it's not when we get older, remember the bitch face in a bar? I have lovely women friends who I trust and would do so much for, but the new women I meet take a long time to become friends, it seems to start out hostile until we realize we have something in common.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I think women are MUCH more reserved than men when meeting initially, almost as though they are sizing up the other woman (is she genuine? is she a b*tch? can she be trusted?) Men don't seem to process this stuff- they just lay their true selves out, and either they like the guy or they don't.
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If this woman was standing near your son close enough to berate you when you got back to him, when did you initially see her? If you couldn't see her when you say you could see your son the entire time I think she might have a point.
[ Reply | Options ]I probably wouldn't have cried if I weren't already so exhausted (heat, toddler meltdown, argument with husband etc). Having said that, I remember I was so shocked that this stupid woman, in an instant, made me feel so trashy, when I am an educated, informed, loving and caring mother. Just reminded me of the fragile state of motherhood and how under appreciated we are. No one sings our praise, but they are sure as hell quick to point out what we do wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]I think people "sing our praises" everything they say your son is nice, or polite, or give you a smile when he does something like attempt to open a door for someone else.
[ Reply | Options ]I have more stories like that than I could ever recall - including one where a man yelled at me for disciplining my dc in a restaurant, while his dd terrorized every table. If you're ever feeling empowered enough to say something, the only thing I ever came up with- and only had the nerve to say it once, that effectively shut them up was: "It must be exhausting to be perfect."
[ Reply | Options ]I understand, I had a similar reaction when someone chose to pick a fight with me over something far more trivial. 3 yo DD was meandering around a non-crowded sidewalk and a young & able-bodied man may have had to step aside or something to get around her since she was walking a perfect adult straight line. Anyway we had words over my parenting and I was reliving it for days, even though I chose to engage with him and it was so stupid to begin with.
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anyways, i don't mean to obsess over the details. i saw the woman right behind us the whole time, she lingered watching my son's melt down. just was reminded of this incident when a friend of mine mentioned today that a stranger chastised her about her child's melt down, who is mildly autistic. a lot of the time, you just don't know the whole picture so you shouldn't say anything, especially to a mother, unless its OBVIOUS abuse. this board is so nit picky, seriously.
[ Reply | Options ]um, you are obsessing. frankly, you're starting to creep me out with all your posts on this.
[ Reply | Options ]IMO, that's even worse behaviour on your part. You observed a stranger watching your son. You then chose to leave him near this stranger while you went to the car. How did you know she wasn't watching him thinking about how to kidnap him?
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Read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin De Becker and you will realize your mistake and never do it again.
[ Reply | Options ]I love that book, and I am in full support of OP. Tell me on what page you think she will find information that says she can't leave a child she can't pick up a few feet away from her as she puts stuff down by the car and keeps him in sight the entire time. Please, I have my book right here.
[ Reply | Options ]Did she say ds was merely a few feet away? Okay, then try the chapter where the woman is shopping with her son and the man approaches offering to take him down to the arcade. Or, you can just take the message of the entire book and wake up. Her mistake was to leave her son while she shuttled material items to the car, which shows you that she was thinking someone might steal her stuff but never thought someone might try to steal her child.
[ Reply | Options ]The majority of criminals would steal your stuff over your child-that's just common sense. Her child might fall off the curb and get brain damage too. I'm sure that happens as often as child abductions by strangers. Perhaps children should wear helmets all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]Maybe so on the stealing, but what would you rather have taken? Why chance it? How can you read this book and not agree that op should not have left her son? I'll go a step further and say that op was angry at her son for his meltdown and left him there as a "lesson". Ha! She got her lesson from the wise old woman who let her know she saw her.
[ Reply | Options ]someone else chimed in and did not put np - of course I've read the book. I LOVE THAT BOOK. And I know the part you are discusing about the child being lured away from the store. The perp actually befriended both the mother and the child (or tried to) before hand so that a conversation was started and there was an attempt at familiarity. Is that enough proof for you that I read the book. Got the story. Still, have no problem with the OP and her descripton of events. Sorry. We will simply do what all good readers do and take different lessons from the same words.
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1) we don't know that her dc was only a few feet from her 2) we don't know that dc was in her sight the entire time 3) op is clearly pulling our collective legs
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Ugh, that's hard. I've been in your spot many times, and curse dh under my breath for not being there (which is often). However, I somehow manage to bring child and tow all that junk all at once - yes my stronger arm now has a constant twingy strain and my posture resembles Quasimodo's.
[ Reply | Options ]Some of you ladies are so uptight! I bet if this was a dear friend of yours recounting this at a dinner party, you would have all concurred and empathized. Ok, she shouldn't have left the toddler within sight for any reason but are we all so perfect? Give the woman a break, its not like she abandoned the child on a streetcurb.
[ Reply | Options ]My question is: would this woman have said the same thing if it were a dad doing the same thing?
[ Reply | Options ]Chances are, the dad would have been able to carry the kid and the gear, so this is a moot point.
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a dad here- I get tee'ed off on all the time. Everyone thinks it is ok to tell dads what we are doing wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]Another dad here. The real difference is that we don't care what other people think about how we handle our children.
[ Reply | Options ]Orig dad: There is some truth there. BUT as I said somewhere else, don't do it in front of my kids. I don't care what Mrs. Palumbo, the old lady next door, has to say to/about me. But don't do it in front of my kids. Then it is "go time!"
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She has since passed so any further joking would be in bad taste. (That rarely stops me.) While she was a hard and a mean old broad in some ways she was not a complete ass (and could be really kind in her own tough old-school way.) She held her tongue so I never really had to figure out what "go time" would have been. But she was on O2 so I'd like to think that in a best of three cage match, I would have taken her at least two times.
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I quite agree. Was thinking more about the looks or catty comments that my kids aren't old enough to pick up on.
[ Reply | Options ]I had an old lady once berate me when I was with my first born. It was January and I took him out of the car and carried him ten steps into the bookstore. She went on and on about his not being dressed warmly enough. (He had a giant fleece thing with a thick hood but no hat (the horror.)) I said to her, "I know you think you have the best interests of my child at heart, so I'm inclined to not tell you you are an asshole. Have a nice day."
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Wow. I assume you have good judgment and make decisions that are generally sound. Even if you make mistakes once in a while, there's no reason for anyone to judge. I totally understand your reaction. It's hard enough to build confidence as a parent without strangers undermining us. I took our 4-month old on an emergency errand on a particularly windy, cold day. I was struggling with the bucket seat and the shopping cart near the car and a busybody, observing me, but offering no help, hollered " poor baby, what a terrible day to pick to take her out!" I seriously considered keying her car. Such a pointless yet hurtful comment. There are asses everywhere, most of them vocally so...
[ Reply | Options ]I would have reversed the order, too. But that said, my issue is someone talking to me like that in front of my child. I'm a dad and it happens all the time. There is an old lady on the block whose two kids spend more time in rehab or jail than breathing free air. She routinely told me what I was doing wrong. Finally, I saw her without my kids and I told her my son was now old enough to understand her crazy talk and she was not allowed to talk to me in front of my children. It makes the block a little quieter but...
[ Reply | Options ]i would never have left my child...why not drop the gear and put ds in the car and drive the few feet and pick up gear...the lady was right very stupid thing to do your child could have gotten up and ran in an instant...
[ Reply | Options ]I think the issue is not whether the OP was correct in her decision-making process or not. Who knows what was the bestest course of action at that particular point and anyway, who hasn't at some point done something they later reassess as not their best decision? Jeez, even the most careful of us will eventually falter, and it's no stranger's job to point it out to us in a nasty way. Period. If you are a stranger and observe a situation that is sub-optimal, pipe up and offer help, don't pipe up and offer free criticism!
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