[-]We have an absolutely wonderful nanny who has been with us for 11 years, from the time our twin boys were 3. The boys are now in high school (both on honor roll) and quite self-reliant -- in large part due to our nanny, Debrah. The time has come for her to move on to another family and we want to help her in any way we can. She is an absolute find -- caring, intelligent (she has a couple years of college), outgoing, respectful, hard-working, reliable and with that sixth sense about child rearing. We will give her fantastic references. She will work in Brooklyn, Manhattan or Long Island. My question is this: is anyone interested in talking about hiring her or does anyone know the best places online and offline to help with her search? Thanks...
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[-]We get to take the classroom hamster home for Thanksgiving break! I love having a kid because it gives me more excused to act like one. (Yes, I know, take it to effin' BabyCenter.)
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[-]Are there any 4's programs that would take ds in January (for only half the year)? He will go to public kindergarten in the fall. Live on the UES so any info on the schools in that area appreciated...tia
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[-]pre-K school conference coming up. I want the teachers to be honest w/me about what dc needs to work on. Aside from asking "what does dc need help with" how can I make sure I'm getting the full story. I have no particular concerns, but know that sometimes at expensive pre-schools the teachers can be hesitant to give negative feedback. Just want to make sure I am getting full picture
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[-]my sons are 6 and 8 and i still shower with them. they are oblivious. anything wrong with that?
74 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]They are not oblivious. It seems that you, on the other hand, are. They are too old for this. I think you know this.
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It's too sexually stimulating for them. Even if the context isn't sexual. You don't need to make a big deal out of it, just phase it out.
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np: me too. i don't think seeing your mom naked is at all sexually stimulating. it may get embarrassing for them, but i wouldn't worry about sexual stimulation!
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What do you think would be confusing about it? I would never shower with my son. I would feel horribly awkward about it, and by the time he got to 8 I'm pretty sure it would be embarrassing for him. But I'm not sure what would be confusing about it for him?
[ Reply | Options ]np: It would be confusing for the same reasons you would feel horribly awkward and he would be embarrassed.
[ Reply | Options ]I won't be embarrassing unless you have brought him up to see the human body as something to be embarrassed about. You need to make it out to be perfectly natural, then there will be no problems.
[ Reply | Options ]Children have a natural sense of modesty that often manifests itself around 6 or 7. It's natural for a child to feel embarrassed/want to be private with their (and other's) nakedness. It doesn't mean that nakedness=source of shame. You need to respect their own sense of self and modesty. Personally, I think 6 and 8 is pushing it for communal showering.
[ Reply | Options ]Modesty often does "manifest itself around 6 or 7", but it certainly isn't "natural". It is something that, by 6 or 7 has been beat into them by much of society; TV, friends, school, other adults, etc. etc. The best thing a parent can do is to counter that by word and example and leave it up to them to make their own decisions as they get older.
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My ds started to notice at 7. I still let him see me in bra and underwear, but try not to let him see me naked anymore.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: thanks. want to do what's right, but my parents were very open around my sisters and me, and we all have very healthy attitudes about our bodies and sex... i just wonder what the downside is. like if i start acting weird about it, doesn't that teach shame and provoke even more curiosity?
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You are a sicko. I am sorry, but that is wrong. Why do 6 and 8 year olds need help in the shower? Children do not need to see their opposite gendered parent naked past the age of 3 -- read the recommendations.
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I find that people who label others as sickos usually are the ones with the really disturbing thoughts themselves.
[ Reply | Options ](DH here) ITA. Children DO need to see "their opposite gendered parent naked" so when they get to be teenagers they will know all about the human body and not have all the hangups that most of us Americans have. Do you women have any idea about the talk that goes on in the average Middle School boys locker room? I can guarantee that all of it is very degrading to women and not printable in this forum. Do you want your boys to thank like that?
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My 7 yo son got in the tub last night with my 9 yo daughter. Interestingly, they scream, laugh, and point when either of them see each other in their underwear, but they had no issue with nudity. I think if you make a big deal out of it, it will be a big deal. If you don't, it's not.
[ Reply | Options ]My parents had me shower with my dad until I was 6 or so. Sunday mornings before church. My eyes were at eye level with his privates. Nothing inappropriate, ever, but it's an image I still can't get out of my head.
[ Reply | Options ]I tend to agree there is something sick and wrong going on here. I am wondering why op needs to be showering with her kids in the first place. OP, why are you?
[ Reply | Options ]np: sick and wrong? My father used to take his 4 kids on Sunday nights up to the locker room at the college where he worked, and we would all shower openly while my mom chilled at home for an hour. Granted, it was the 70's and people were a lot more open about their bodies, but c'mon, sick and wrong?
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There is nothing sexual about the naked body unless it's being used for sex. It does a lot of other things, too. If you're matter of fact and they're ok with it, I don't see the big deal. I realize I'm in the minority. That said, I leave the showering with ds to dh. I have no issues with changing clothes in front of him, tho.
[ Reply | Options ]On the one hand, I think 8 is definitely a little too old for a boy to shower with mom and 6 is questionable. However, there is nothing sick or wrong about it. Nor is there anything "sexually stimulating" about it. I just think that it might be a little embarrassing at some point for your boys. If they have not expressed to you yet that they are embarrassed, then they probably aren't. So you should be able to phase it out no problem.
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Children develop a sense that it is embarrassing to be naked or see others naked. It is not necessarily sexual unless it is made to be. Many children are anxious about being nude in front of anyone - other children during gym class or at the sports club, people of the same gender, the doctor... sounds like you are over-sensitized to sex.
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I doubt your kids are "oblivious'; It's more likely they're still comfortable or not overly phased. Believe me, when an 8 yo showers w/their Mama, they would DIE if their schoolmates found out-Social Life Horror. Our family has a very healthy shared attitude regarding nudity-AND privacy, respecting boundaries and the earned privileges of personally responsible behavior.Very recently, my 6 yo daughter said she preferred to wash her self and would call me if she needed help. The next day, she told me she loves sharing outdoor showers by the beach and sometimes playing w/me while in the tub BUT that mostly she wanted her alone time. Maybe talk to your boys(separately) about their feelings.
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I really think there is a difference between modesty and prudishness. And I think it is correct to teach modesty because that is a nice thing to have and a sign of respect. I pray my kids will have a joyful sex life and feel comfortable with themselves and their bodies, this is SO critical, to feel good in your physical skin. But I wouldn't even go into the bathroom with my kids when they were babies. The bodies are so different, why do they need to see that at such a young age? As a grown woman I have modesty in my body around them. They are 6 and 8, boy (8) and girl, and shower and go to the bathroom in front of each other, which doesn't thrill me but I don't make a big issue of it as they are obviously oblivious or think it's funny...
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nothing wrong with it if it's ok with you and your kids. some people will think this is bad, but they can't exactly state why that is, they just use words like "disgusting" and sick." it's an interesting cultural thing. obviously there is nothing sexual between you and your kids.
[ Reply | Options ]I hope none of you who think it's sick and wrong ever plan to expand your horizons and travel to the den of sin known as Europe where naked beaches are completely normal. Even non-nude beaches have topless women and people changing their clothes out in the sunshine. Get over it, it's a body and we all have sex organs just like we all have belly buttons.
[ Reply | Options ]a reasonable rule of thumb i've heard is that if you're starting to sense/wonder about boundaries, that is your signal that it's time to have one. eg - i sleep naked and our son often gets in to bed w.us in the morning. one day i wanted to have a shirt on when he got in to the bed, so now i do. no big deal, just started to feel more comfortable to me. when he was around 4.
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[-]Hi - can anyone give me a rundown on progressive public elementary schools in Brooklyn - including how difficult it is to get in? We're considering moving from WashHi, where there is a good progressive elementary without terrible competition for a seat, to Brooklyn, but fear giving up our good shot at a progressive school. Thanks.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]almost all the good gen eds in Park Slope, Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn heights could be called "progressive". Brklyn New School (charter school) is "progressive" but many parents don't like all of the curriculum. It depends what you mean by the word. The standard TC reading curriculum is progressive (and I hate it, by the way). Kids are at tables, not desks anymore. But it's not some hippy dippy definition of "progressive". You need to look at the individual schools, not some label they have.
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[-]Do you have a 401(k) or similar retirement plan for your nanny? If so, is there a service or website you can recommend? We use a payroll website that's excellent (takes care of direct deposit, taxes, etc.), so I'm wondering if there's something similar for retirement plans. TIA!
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]She would have to be part of some group - the most common for NYC nannies to get retirement and health benefits is the freelancers union - dues are not a lot. On and individual level, she could do IRA, probably a Roth IRA - it's just another account that something gets deposited intol.
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[-]Any tips for caring for a 4 year old's long, curly hair? Some kind of great detangler/defrizzer or something?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Expensive, but I've had these for a few months now and still have a ton left: Original Sprout "Miracle Detangler" and "Children's Curl Calmer"
[ Reply | Options ]^^Also, I just posted a similar question and got these responses: http://newyork.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/51482974
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Always comb her hair before you wash it -r eally helps. Never scrub just gently wash- I use adult conditioner loreal vive and then I put in some defrizz cream -the clear stuff. I tried jasons and all those detanglers for kids and they stunk
[ Reply | Options ]2 websites have good tips. 1) http://www.tightlycurly.com/technique/therules/ (it's for VERY curly hair, but lots of info and still helpfull I think there's a kid section) and 2) http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlcategories/index/curlykids
[ Reply | Options ]^^ I meant 'helpful.' Also, found the kids section: http://www.tightlycurly.com/technique/tipsforlittleones/
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[-]Will applying for financial aid to competitive preschools greatly reduce DC's chances to get in? We could probably swing it for one year but would benefit from assistance.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Consider that tuition will go up 7%/yr. In a few years, tuition will go from $35k now to $50k. What's your HHI? Assuming you have 1 dc, no family help with money, and both parents working (which means you need childcare), if your HHI is below $250k, apply for FA. Unless you have housing that's all paid for.
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[-]Can anyone recommend an excellent colorist in NYC for highlights on brown hair for a natural look.
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[-]Has anyone had experience with dc's having weird nightmares? What did you do about it? My 3.9 yr old dd told her teacher that she has nightmares about someone breaking in to our house and killing her. She never told me any of this and has never woken up crying bc of a nightmare. When I asked her about it she said she always dreams that someone crashes through her window and hurts her or that there is a scary foot sticking to her window. She said she hasn't told me bc they're scary and she doesn't want to scare me. It made me sad but I didn't have a clue what to do about it now except say she could sleep with more stuffed animals.
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]yes. At bedtime I make a pretend phone call to all the bad dreams out there and tell them not to come, that if they do we will blast them with the bad dream gun (though I have a ds). And to tell all their friends not to come. Seems to comfort him.
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DD has a dreamcatcher in her room. We've told her that when she has a bad dream, she should throw it at the dreamcatcher and it will fly out the window. That works for her most of the time and when it doesn't, we've woken up in the morning to find her in our bed, sound asleep, having climbed in without waking us up.
[ Reply | Options ]I had a dreamcatcher in my room when I was younger and never actually knew what it was. DH travels alot so dd actually does the same thing with climbing in bed and I don't even realize she's there until the next morning. When I ask her why she does this she says bc my bed is more comfy.
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I had two different recurring nightmares when I was between about 3-5 or 6 years old. When I finally told my mother about one of them (where I was being chased by various classic boogie men, i.e. frankenstein, etc.) she told me (in my dreams) pull out a gun and kill them. While that might seem violent, it worked and I stopped having them.
[ Reply | Options ]I had horrible nightmares as a young child. My mom told me to visualize a TV and turn the channel (of course, at that time, it was visualizing turning the knob on the TV). To this day when I'm having a bad dream I open my eyes and visualize changing the channel. Works every time.
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[-]my ex-dh is an okay dad..for the 2 nights he has son and the one night dd goes. he's not mean, fairly attentive, and like i sadi--he is just ok. he never calls the kids (7 and 9) during the week, ever. is this normal? i feel like if i only saw my kids 1 or 2 days a week i would at least call to say hey..how was school? anything.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I feel your sadness, and I do not think this is normal. It would break my heart if these were my children. In spite of your ex and your divirce - I hope that your ex will come around and realize what opportunites he's missing with his children. Do your children miss him and want to talk with him? Maybe you could set up (2) nights each week where they can call Dad to "say hi, and check in". Maybe talk to your ex about this idea first.
[ Reply | Options ]they never say anything. i am remarried. dh is great with the kids and treats them like his own. he is engaged, picks them up from school activities, reads with them evey night, helps with homework. ds always calls us thursday nights (when he is with ex) to say he misses us and say good night. kids never ask to call him during the week when the are with us.
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[-]my preschooler has pink eye. he started the drops this morning but is there anything else i can do besides drops to make him more comfortable?
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Or, I know, it feels nice. But it ain't over yet, ds could bite teacher at playdate or something.
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[-]Without informing us, our nsd is sending pictures our kids draw to the school psychologist who then "diagnoses" our children (and parents)through a drawing, without the benefit of either child or parental interview. The nsd feeds the psychologist family information, takes notes on her comments and they go into the child's record. This bothers me for many reasons. One, this is done without our consent. Two, drawing interpretation is hotly debated in the psychology field and I don't like our children being made guinea pigs. Three, what mother hasn't received a shocking drawing from dc which after questioning, is clearly innocent artistic attempt? Are all the nurseries doing this?
37 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Any psychologist who does an evaluation of a child without the parent's consent should be sued for malpractice.
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what they do is look for learning and social issues, not diagnose through drawing. they do inform the parents they are doing this.
[ Reply | Options ]Not at ecns. One mother found out b/c records were subpoenaed for a custody battle.
[ Reply | Options ]parents are informed that the psychologist sees the children and makes evaluations. the child's "record" is meaningless. if the psychologist sees something of concern, the parents are informed. if she doesn't, parents hear nothing.
[ Reply | Options ]How could "prostitute" (see below) appear on a 4yo record and not mean anything?!?! If the record is meaningless, why is it recorded? The psychologist wasn't concerned after mentioning "prostitute" ? This parent claims she was never informed. Was its sole purpose to harass this mother?
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bc if your child has issues you'd rather put your head in the sand and not know about them? then you have people complain that if there was a problem "you'd think the teachers would ahve noticed". schools try to be proactive, bc it's better to discover these things in preschool and attend to them, then to have them come out in elementary school and be trying to correct for them.
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The psych. from ecns predicted one 4yo would become a prostitute b/c she drew circles for boobs on her older sisters and a little loop at her crotch. Turned out it was sore from riding her new bike and her sisters do indeed have breasts.
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wow that's pretty bizarre. you can learn a lot looking at the pictures kids draw, but it's really open to interpretation and only valuable in conjunction with a thorough look at the child and family. any psych worth anything would know that you can't diagnose a kid based on a picture.
[ Reply | Options ]The nsd at ECNS targeted a mother in a custody battle. She sided with the father who has $$$ and has abused this woman in countless ways over two years. She showed me the notes and her dd drawing. Wendy Levy fed the psychologist lies that could only have come from the father, who was launching similar attacks against the mother with other professionals involved. This mother was not told anything by Wendy or the psychologist, she got the notes in subpoenaed documents and had to press Wendy to send the drawing. Wendy Levy nsd, Michele Asher Dunne psychologist and the father (nameless only to protect the child) are all culpable. Repulsive behavior by these three against a good mother fighting for joint custody against a multi-millionaire who...
[ Reply | Options ]you keep posting this story on UB and clearly you are on the mom's side, but the fact is that this is ONE extraordinary situation and I imagine as with all things there are 2 sides to the story. if parents are going through such an ugly divorce, i am not suprised that the school psych is involved!
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if i show my dh this thread, he will def. tell me all bets are off for sending dc to private nursery. ewww. we don't want out child exposed to materialistic, lying, woman abusing people.
[ Reply | Options ]From what I read, ecns nsd can act this way because she has no oversight via a board of directors. She apparently owns the school and runs it as a not for profit (I looked it up).Sounds like a loose canon to me. Avoid this school. Mine and many others are professionally run and offer great pre-K education.
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I have no horse in this race, but you should be more careful about what you are posting here. You could be sued for libel. More importantly, as awful as this whole situation sounds (if true), publishing/disseminating it further than it has already been does more harm than good for everyone involved.
[ Reply | Options ]My point is to expose this nsd for unethical and illegal behavior. She should not be doing what she is doing - at any school. We have children at other schools, the head of one of them is familiar with the situation and disgusted by Wendy Levy's voluntary involvement in the legalities between these two and her behavior towards this mother.
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Wendy Levy is one of the few in the private school system who will get involved in divorces and willingly participate. I think she likes it, maybe it makes her feel powerful? This is not her first time.
[ Reply | Options ]lol. get your kid into Epiphany if you want a divorce. donate to Wendy so she will help you win. sick actually but my dc is there and i know this mother casually from pu do. she seems solid. the father i only met once at the class cocktail party. he got drunk. his girlfriend was confused with the mother by appearance. very odd. wendy does pick on the mother. i noticed her following the mother around first day of school. heard later wendy wrote her an email blasting her for talking to people she didn't want her to talk to.
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Are you sure that this is actually happening? Have you approached both people about it? A professional psychologist will not do any type of "analysis" without speaking with the parents first. In a classroom setting they will observe all of the children in order to try and help the teachers and staff manage the classes better, though. If what you say is true, that would be really shocking (and illegal).
[ Reply | Options ]it is not illegal to have a professional evaluate children if parents are notified, even if the notification is not as obvious as most people would like. she might be concerned that one child is not integrating properly into the class or that another child has a problem controlling emotions or whatever. parents sometimes don't see these things or don't recognize their significance. would you want to know?
[ Reply | Options ]having a psychologist observe a classroom is fine, I would want to know if my dc had a problem. the above report is not ok because the mother was not notified of any problems. any mention of "prostitute" on a 4yo file would be a red flag and both parents, regardless of their legalities, should be contacted to help the child.
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