[-]I am in a cooking rut! Have 2 young dc (5&3) and want to expand my repertoire. From where do you get your dinner ideas? Websites, magazines, your wonderfully creative mind??? Would love it if leftovers could serve as lunch at school as well.
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You know, I just tried her citrus chicken recipe the other day and it was totally blah. She kept talking about how "clean" and refreshing the taste was, etc...but it so clean it tasted like regular roasted chicken. For me, I think about my favorite restaurants and jump on line to find a recipe similar to the restaurant dish. Ina's recipes are not going to be great for little kids--she still cooks like she's got an audience at the White House.
[ Reply | Options ]Giada is bland. Personally, I love asian dishes. Really flavorful and variety in terms of texture and ingredients. If you stock your home with ginger, garlic, scallions, soy sauce, chinese cooking wine + sesame oil you can pretty much whip up any chinese dish. A great book to try: chen kinichi (he was one of the iron chefs). I love chinese noodle dishes. I save leftover for lunch the next day.
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[-]IT FINALLY HAPPENED. I brought cupcakes to my daughter's 6th birthday at school, and a little boy asked, is that your mom or your grandma. It wouldn't even have been quite as bad (though still awful) if my dd had not been there. She said defensively, that's my mommy! He said, oh because she looks kindof like a grandma. I am 45 but stress had made me look older for sure. And I have a 4 year old! Being a granny mom is HORRIBLE. How do I put it behind me, since this will only continue and no turning back now?
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Have you let yourself go? Maybe a haircut and some Olay Regenerist or something would help.
[ Reply | Options ]No, I have not let myself go, I get my hair cut and colored every 4 weeks, dress "youthful", etc. But I have had a pretty hard life in many ways and have various enormous stressors, it shows, I have aged about 20 years in looks in the last 8 years. I
[ Reply | Options ]I'm really not sure what I can do about it, those injections are so expensive and require upkeep, I look REALLY old, no wrinkles but much worse than that, skin that sags so you'd never guess my age (which isn't young anyway). I just don't want my kids always being asked why their mom is so old, I could deal with it better if it were just my thing, but don't want them to be humiliated.
[ Reply | Options ]np: every kid is embarrassed of their parents for some reason. i really, really would not worry so much about your kids being humiliated--this would happen even if you were twenty years younger. moms will always be too old, too young, too fat, too thin, obnoxious, too shy... you can't win. how old you look is the least important part of being a good mom!
[ Reply | Options ]thanks. My dh's parents were 21 and 23 when he was born. He said his mom was always talking about how much younger they were than other parents, and he never thought of them that way--they were just his parents. The reality is this is my issue--I really really wanted to have kids younger but it did not happen. IT is definitely something I am extremely sensitive and quite unhappy about, though I try not to let it suck all the joy out of my fabulous dcs. For someone who feels differently, the comment might bite less.
[ Reply | Options ]i'm like your dh's parents--i'm really self-conscious about how young i am! i had my son at 23, and i always feel like people see me as a teenage mom. i also try to tell myself that it's just my issue. for a while i tried to "look" older, but then i decided that i was being silly, and i am who i am. we really can't win :)
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Definitely know how you feel! I agree with previous about gray hair -- definitely makes a huge difference. Also, try not to be so upset by a six year old. Though my son asked me on Tuesday why my butt is so big, and I signed up for Weight Watchers,
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I'm really sorry that happened to you. FWIW, when my MIL comes to visit and takes my 5 YO son out, everyone thinks she is his mom! She is fifty-five. There are tons of granny moms in this city, and you should not feel alone. Just think about all the great things that come with age and that you can give to your dd. There are tons of advantages to being a little older, wiser, and more settled!
[ Reply | Options ]Granny mom here. No one has been so horrible to comment on it yet (sorry about that!). Keep up with your hair color, keep your weight in line and wear at least a bit of makeup. I don't think the mid-30s moms have a clue that I am 43.
[ Reply | Options ]thanks. I am literally considering plastic surgery because of the sagging, but can't afford it, and am afraid of looking totally different and just weird, not younger.
[ Reply | Options ]OR - Oops. I actually totally I forgot. I did have my eyelids done a few years ago. That helps a lot. I had one of the top surgeons on the West Coast and I just look the same only 10 years younger. You have to be very very careful about who does the work. I think it was only about $3000. I wouldn't be able to do it in this economy so I'm glad I did it when we were feeling flush. Still, I really do recommend it.
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I've been getting the sitter thing since my first was born. But grandma is a whole other category. It means looking at least 10 years older. Older moms often talk about getting mistaken for the grandma, but I wonder if that is really true. I know quite a few MUCH older fathers who get mistaken, but they are way way older (like 60s) and it is different anyway, I think--not as socially "egregious".
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[-]When my son took the Stanford-Binet test with a Hunter approved psychologist, I was concerned because it was in her apt and not in an office. Since you're only allowed to call one, I felt stuck. But then when we were there, her phone rang 3x and she actually spoke on the phone, according to my son. Is this customary?
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and interpol for god's sakes. because this person is clearly a threat to gifted thumbsuckers the world over. op, did you happen to pick up anything--a cigarette butt, a used paper coffee cup--that could be tested for dna evidence? because i have a feeling this so-called "tester" is going by an assumed name.
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Many have assistants who answer calls while psychologist is in session. If you cannot be certain that there was no assistant or any other extenuating circumstances, I would not do anything further.
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I guess I was. When I wrote Hunter, I stated that I am not expecting anything to change for my son, but I felt that they make this test so secretive that I wasn't sure if the phone calls were customary or not. I just wanted to bring it to their attention. I think my opportunity is gone, but I would hate to be another parent in this same situation next year.
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Thanks for all your advice. I wrote the school and I am not expecting anything to change. I should've alerted them to this right when it was done. I learned something, albeit the hard way, but that's how you really learn lessons. There was no one answering phones; she was home alone. And I'm certain my 4 yo does know whether she was on the on phone or not and he would have no reason to lie b/c he doesn't know the implications or anything of that sort.
[ Reply | Options ]sorry, but why do you think this is an issue? a dc that age is like a little puppy. when a grown-up tells him to do something, he complies. when a grown-up is doing grown-up things, he sits and waits to be asked to do something again. usually while picking his nose and eating it.
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[-]Do you think having kids later on (late 30s/early 40s) keeps you young or ages you more quickly? Why?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]hmm...idk...a older mom will probably make more of an effort to stay in shape and healthy for 2 reasons: i. she is more aware of the age difference so wants to take every measure to prolong her life ii. she wants to minimize the contrast between her and the younger moms. However, i have 2 aunts who are 50 yo grandmas and they really make me want to be a young mom. Their kids are out of college, so they are really able to enjoy stuff with their kids as friends almost, rather than the old parents who slow them down. So..I guess my answer is, it depends.
[ Reply | Options ]Younger... had first at 39, twins at 41. Chasing after toddlers/preschoolers is great physically. Being reminded by their young innocent perspective constantly confounds the tendency to get stuck in one's ways. And FWIW, in Manhattan, I seem to be very average aged vs the other mom's in my DCs class.
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[-]Want to do something special with my DH in the next couple of weekends besides date night dinner and movies, Broadway shows or comedy club. Any recommendations as to what to do in the evening? Thinking of Dizzy's Jazz club, anyone been? Open to any suggestions. Thanks
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]do you guys like sinatra? The Carnegie Club has a GREAT show on Saturday nights, my dh loves it, and I enjoy it also (they allow smoking so that is the one thing I don't like) - there is a cover and 2 drink minimum, but it is worth it. We always take friends from out of town and everyone always enjoys it.
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[-]What are you wearing when you are at home and your husband is with you? Do you change when he comes home from work to look special or put make up, etc? We have 2 DC's, I am SAHM, used to change into something nice and look good for my husband but lately let myself go.. usually wear training pants and a t-shirt. I love jeans but don't feel them comfi to wear at home in the evening.ANy other options? Thanks
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i get mine all over the place, but always buy them fairly cheap, under $20, from target to tj maxx, etc. lulu lemon has them but $$$: http://shop.lululemon.com/Lulu_Pant_II/pd/c/560/np/560/p/1407.html
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Wow I am amazed at how many women wear sweatpants. To answer the question though. I could care less about how my husband sees me. I don't have to dress up for him, he surely doesn't for me. I like to wear make up and dress nice for myself though.
[ Reply | Options ]I am a sahm and super not fancy. dh gets home late, but I try to keep my day clothes (jeans, t shirt, sweater, etc.) on, brush my hair and put some lip gloss on before he walks in the door. I don't think he would care if I were in pj's, but I guess I do for some reason. I don't cook so this is as good as it gets here.
[ Reply | Options ]Don't you just want to be yourself for him? He knows who you are? Why do you do this? I truly do not get it. My husband has seen me w/make up, w/o make up, naked, dressed, sick, healthy, pregnant, vomiting, etc. He loves me no matter what I look like, and why on earth would he care how I dress at the end of the day at home???????
[ Reply | Options ]of course. I like to stay dressed when he gets home. I feel a little better after a long day with 3 kids. that's me. and I like when he puts a little effort in as well. it's nice to care after many years together--like when we would go out on dates so long ago. he has seen the worst of it and couldn't care less. He's the best. you didn't really get what I was saying.
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np: I guess I don't get it either. I've been married a while and I really could care less what I wear around him. I'm a SAHM mom too and he doesn't see me until late at night, if I'm awake when he gets home. By then I'm wearing whatever if anything at all. If I bothered to look nice he wouldn't notice anyway.
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this is dumb. do you shave your armpits? or your legs? i mean, i guess i could keep the hair long on it because it doesn't bother me at all, but I don't want to "be myself" that bad. I know he loves me, but we are visual creatures at heart so yes, I will keep waxing/shaving my legs. He does the same for me...ex shaving 'down there', etc. even tho he would probably grow a huge rainforest if he was single
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Ladies who don't make an effort for their husband are being a bit cavalier with their relationship. The sex industry in NYC is alive and targeting your man every day. Reality bites.
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this may be taking it a bit far...but really why not look great for your DH? Make sure the jeans or whatever fit well and are flattering. I guess I am in the minority but I never wear sweatpants for longer than an hour after I get up...and I make sure those flatter me. It means more for me to look good for my DH than to look good for school pickup, for example.
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[-]I think having a daughter has changed me. Mostly, for the better! I am more aware of my own behavior, relationships, lifestyles, as I want to be a role model for her. I know I won't always get it perfectly. I just look around and see that the world isn't always that kind to girls or include the positive influences for them. Does anyone else feel this way?
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Having a dd has me very worried, esp living in NYC. I hope I am a good example, and I was a good kid growing up, but I see girls on the bus/subway and listening to what they say freaks me out - girls that seem so young talking about sex, drugs, etc. I guess it is the same worries for boys and girls, but with a girl I really worry what the next 20 yrs will be like!
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[-]Almost 4 yo dd has been askin gto have a playdate with girl in her class. the girl is a bully and I know pushed around my dd. BUT, for some reason my dd wants to play with her. Do I set it up and just see howit goes? I am just nervous that the other kid will not be nice to my dd and I know the othe rmom lets her kid get away with it.
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[-]Best public schools in Manhattan? Looking for thoughts on which schools are really good (besides the G&T programs) - we're going to move and I'd like to pick a neighborhood with good public options. Thanks.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I can only comment on my own personal experience in our my little neighborhood in Manhattan which is probably not on your radar. have you looked at www.insideschools.org?
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[-]4 yo DD went to a good friends's house today. She was out of control with trashing her house. Had to be put in time out and it was draining. The kids have all been friends for a long time, so they are like sisters. I love the friendship, but it gets out of control when we are specifically with them. What to do?
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[-]At what age did your DB/toddler drop the second nap? My 17-month-old still really needs two naps a day or she'll need a really early bedtime, which results in a ridiculously early wake-up time. Like 5:30 am. Is it OK to keep her on two naps?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]absolutely... there is no reason to drop a nap unless it is preventing DC from getting a full night's sleep (which is clearly not the case with yours). My eldest held onto her 2nd nap until almost 2 and still slept 11+ hrs at night. Was never cranky or overtired, always woke up with a smile on her face (ahh... the good ol' days).
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you for your response! I wasn't sure if there was a reason to drop the second nap, and why some sleep experts seem to push it.
[ Reply | Options ]OR: some experts push to drop a nap? to me, that seems so counterintuitive... how could more rest be anything but positive for a baby/toddler (unless it interfered with night-time sleep). I think the old motto of "let sleeping dogs lie" is even MORE true of kids! good luck - be thankful you have a good sleeper.
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my 18 month old toys with the idea of one nap now and then. every time i think she will drop it she starts taking that morning nap again.
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[-]a yr and 1/2 ago there was a little boy in my neighborhood that had leukemia & needed bone marrow to survive. our whole town went and got tested. This week i received a call that I am a potential match for a 50 yr old woman. the procedure requires general anesthesia & recovery time. I have a 4 yo, 3yo and 4 mo and very little help with them. I am freaking out because I feel like I should do this & potentially save a life but from what I understand it is very painful & I have 3 kids to take care of. Thoughts?
32 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but maybe seek more info. many "bone marrow" transplants don't involve actual bone marrow anymore, just "stem cells" from your blood after medication. It's still a medical process, but maybe not as involved as you think.
[ Reply | Options ]A friend of mine is a doctor at Memorial. At some point we discussed and she told me that the procedure is much easier from what it used to be. In any case don't ask your doctor but 2-3 specialists. If they tell you the procedure is very easy do it. If they tell you the procedure is difficult don't do it.
[ Reply | Options ]Have all of the posters giving the advice to go ahead and give marrow to a stranger taken the steps to enter themselves into the bone marrow data base?
[ Reply | Options ]I was a donor years ago and I was up and going the next day. You are able to help save someone's life - what a lesson of selflessness for your children.
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I am listed on the donor registry. I have not been called but would do it in a heartbeat. These days, there is very little risk to the donor, and I personally could not handle the guilt of not doing it. I don't care if it's a stranger - it's a few days of nuisance for me to give someone the rest of their life. If your whole town up and got registered, can you get one or two of them to help with your kids?
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Hijack - just checked the donor registry requirements (was going to register) and it says they won't take you as a donor if you've been diagnosed with a herniated or bulging disc within the last 2 years - and I have, but back feels fine now. Does anyone know if this is hard and fast? Isn't there an option where they just take your blood?
[ Reply | Options ]If after investigating and it really isn't invasive, if you can easily arrange childcare help for the time it takes, plus maybe an extra day for unforeseen side effects, I think you'd ultimately feel better doing it. It might haunt you knowing that you might have helped. She's most likely a mother too.
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My husbands boss is currently getting treatment for leukemia. He has two girls. They are doing many bone marrow drives right now. I signed up a few years ago for friend. I would do this for anyone, regardless of whether I knew them. I would hope others would do the same for me. I'm sort of surprised by people's blase attitude here to be honest.
[ Reply | Options ]It is very painful and it takes a while to recover. A number of people I work with have donated to strangers. If it is something that feels important to you to do, and somebody can help with the kids while you recover, then I would do it. But if you won't have enough support while going through it, then I'm not sure I would do it. It is a wonderful gift to give to somebody!
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[-]On hour 14 of cartoons with sick infant and 5 yr old held home from school and because he had a 99 degree tempature yesterday and every toy he owns is out and I have a very rare but deeep headache. Please tell me since he hasn't had a fever since early am I can send him to school tomorrow.
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No offense but you sound really selfish. You don't send sick kids to school until they are better and it's suppose to be 48 hours without a fever before they should be exposed to other kids.
[ Reply | Options ]I would send them. And to the poster who said 48 hours, that's a strict school system. Ours is 24-hours fever free. (Actually, your school is strict if they said to keep him home with a 99. Ours has to be over 100.4 to force them out)
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[-]Husband went to C for 4 years. His brother went to C all the way. Sister went to brearley for high school. We have twins (boy/girl). Wonder if the legacy helps at all? They would apply next year (3 1/2 now). Have no idea what their ERBs should be, they are just normal kids...
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[-]in such a bind. married a wonderful man i respect greatly but had zero sexual attraction for. been together 10 years. i was screwed up at the time (eating disorders, family trauma, etc) and didnt realize it but NOW i see i made a bargain - emotional security for sex. i have never been happy sexually in our marriage or before. recently met a man thru work that i am madly wildly passionate for and started an affair (flamers field day!) and i have asked my husand for a sep. he is fighting tooth and nail. wants our marriage to work. i feel i am in love with another man and soooooo torn. we have 2 kids. some will say i am selfish. others will say no one wants a martyr for a mother. any experience ub-ers?
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hmm, i dont think of it that simply but have passion, sexual desire, sensual experiences with my partner are important to me. these are things i have forsaken in my life til now. i am 37 and just realizing that sexuality is extremely important."sex" isnt just a tiny compartment of life.
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Catholics have to go to pre-marriage counseling before we get married, it's called pre-cana. And I still remember the Priest talking to us. He said, " I always tell couples, you will meet the person you should have married after you are already married. Marriage is a choice you make each day when you wake up." If you are done making the choice to be married, I don't think its really fair that you stay with your lover. You owe it to yourself, kids, and husband actually, to separate, and get your act together, before diving in with the new guy. Sex does not last.
[ Reply | Options ]hmm, so interesting what your priest says. do you meet the man you should have married as a test to your commitment to marriage? i feel like i committed to my marriage because i didnt know what else to do.
[ Reply | Options ]I thought it was really great advice. I took it that marriage is hard work. You have to do the work every day. And of course, anyone who has dated someone for 3 years knows it gets old, and boring, and its tempting to look around. Do you do the work, or throw in the towel. To OP, I would say, I find your husband attractive that he was a loyal, loving husband and father for 10 years, much more attractive to me than your lover who would break up a family. I really do. I have a number of single girlfriends I would like to set your soon to be ex-husband up with after you have left him. He soudns like an honrable guy.
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I find it amazing that you found a man whom you respect, who was willing to go through all your screwed up stuff, and be the father to your children and is willing to fight for you tooth and nail that you don't value him and your family enough to find a way to improve your sex life with him. HOnestly, Ithink he is the martyr in this situation - I think you would be foolish to throw all this away and will probably really regret it. It sounds like you have a long pattern of self-destructive behavior and this affair is part of it. Affairs are self-destructive - and destructive of others. Is the affair all about sex or is there more to it?
[ Reply | Options ]much more to it. he is emotionally present, we get along very well, "get" each other, both have walked through really difficult stuff. by martyr, i meant being in a sexless, safe marriage because i "owe" it to him, rather than having the courage to creatie the life & love i want? also - i have taken my husband to sex therpay several times. he wasnt willing to look at himself. it;s always ME that is the problem.
[ Reply | Options ]more from OP, i value my family and kids tremendously but i am not so attached to the hallmark picture of a nuclear family to suppress all of my desires to maintain that picture. sounds like a recipe for divorce once the kids go to college. my therapist says i have re-created the incest of my childhood by having 10 years of sex that i d idnt want to have. literally, REPULSED by my husband's body. but always made it MY FAULT for thinking that. maybe we dont have "chemistry". can you conjure chemistry?
[ Reply | Options ]more from OP - trust me, i am terrified of making a decision i will regret. i couldnt live with that... so i am doing tons and tons of work on myself and the marriage to see what can be improved. including 86'ing the affair.
[ Reply | Options ]it really doesn't matter how physically unattracted you are to your husband, that's no excuse for hurting him in this way. and it doesn't matter how dysfunctional your family/childhood was, you are a grown woman responsible for your own actions and your actions are inexcusable. if you were terminally unhappy with your marriage, you should have ended it before you moved onto another intimate relationship. can you imagine your two children someday trying to blame their adult problems on the fact that their mother was a damaged, selfish, addictive personality who broke up their family and destroyed their father all because she cared more about her sex life with a boyfriend than her marriage and family? doesn't sound like a pattern you should b...
[ Reply | Options ]http://toto-toilet.olo.wjg.jp/index.html toto toilet http://karaoke-music-downloads.olo.wjg.jp/index.html karaoke music downloads http://sears-outlet.olo.wjg.jp/index.html sears outlet
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np-can you read in your post that you are blaming someone and assuming THEY must have something wrong with them ("can you conjure chemistry"?) This is a pattern. it's NOT everyone else's fault. You need to take a step back and stop acting like an 18 yr old school girl.
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np-your frame is all wrong. you dont stay in a marriage because you owe it to them. you stay in because of all of hte blessings that you have and because you YOURSELF made a commitment to be married. you need to stop thinking about what you dont have and start thinking about what you value. do you value truthfulness? honesty? doing what you said you would do? therapy isnt about the other person's problems. it's about our OWN. what is it inside of you that thinks you should be so callous with these tremendous blessings?
[ Reply | Options ]i havent been callous. i have been completely devoted and focused ENTIRELY on what a wonderful man he is for 10 years. i have only looked at my own deficiencies and blocks. (see my postings above). i do feel incredibly blessed. i think because of my sexual trauma and abuse though, i chose a man based on that framework. not from a healthy confident place. so, do you believe in the "you've made your bed now lie in it" way of approaching life? do you believe people who stay in sexless repressed marriages benefit their children? i grew up in a sexless home and that is why i had NO IDEA about sexuality in life and married someone who repulsed me physically.
[ Reply | Options ]look. i'm sure that you and your therapist have discussed this a good deal. but the tone of your email is "i" this and "i" that. it's all about you. which is a framework for life you get to have before YOU choose the responsibility of creating a family. then it doesnt get to be "i" "i". once YOU make that choice, whoever you were when you made it, then your frame needs to shift. otherwise, yes, you are callous and self absorbed. period.
[ Reply | Options ]i have put my husband's feeling before mine for the last 10 years. he was so afraid of losing me he didnt want me to go to rehab because he was afraid i would "get well" and leave him, was afraid if me going on a retreat because it sounds risque to him and thereatened him, my post sounds all I I I because YES it finally is about me. most of my life has been about people pleasing for survival, my family, now my husband. it sounds like YOUR framework for life is VERY punitive. no one can change their mind. no one can make mistakes.
[ Reply | Options ]Oh OP, best of luck to you, Sex isn't everything but it is a very important,vital energy. It sounds like you need to have a realized sexual existence. If it isn't with your husband, you'll need to suffer that loss. I'm truly sorry.
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it sounds to me like you've had way too much therapy if you ask me. i have experience with your type in my own dysfunctional family. you've had so much therapy that you know all the lingo (so you, therefore, "know it all" and are pretty much beyond help at this point). and, because you are so well-versed in all this psycho-babble, you have gotten to the point where you see everyone's deficiencies but your own. if you had only stayed faithful, this whole story would read much differently. but your infidelity, in my opinion, is unconscionable.
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NP: You are clearly very mad at your husband. I am not shrink, bt I would guess you are deflecting, or trying t make yourself mad at him so he's easier to leave?? Also, you talk so much about hte importance of sexuality in life.. it's odd to me. I just don't see it as important. Maybe 5% of our marriage is sexuality, 25% humor, etc..
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why ? because she is saying that you just have to stick out your commitments even though it is a daily inner torture? because he is a good man? because sex "isnt everything"? never said it was "everything" but ANY marraige counselor will say that physical attraction and chemistry is a MUST. unless BOTH partners do not value sexual vitality.
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The point at which you were most selfish is when you married him - not now (yes, yes, I know you had issues). Does he know that you actually find him repulsive and he's OK with that? If he is, what about an open marriage?
[ Reply | Options ]trust me - i know that is when i was most selfish and it is a testament to how little i trusted myself and my instincts. i had a teeny tiny voice saying he wasnt the one but i didnt trust myself as i had made so many bad decisions. i have told him t hat i never truly chose to have a SEXUAL relationship with him. that i have always done it to please him, never myself. he knows this now.. and is accepting it. and now that we are FINALLY being honest with each other we are looking at how we can COMPLETELY re-boot our sex life. reading books... looking at more spiritual appraoches to sex
[ Reply | Options ]Oh my goodness. How could you say this to him? I'm siging off this post, because it is so upsetting. I feel for your DH. If my DH told me he only had sex w me to please me, not himself, I would be heartbroken. If you hate him so much, please do leave him. Let him find a loving wife who will be there through thick and thin. There are many more single women out there.
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You did your husband a great disservice by marrying him when you felt no attraction at all towards him. It was selfish and you basically used him for security. You did a greater disservice by having two children with this husband that you felt repulsed by. And now you want to dump them all because you want a better life? You do not sound worthy of your husband or children and I hope he gets them in a custody battle, because he is better suited to be a responsible parent. I'm sorry you had an early trauma, but does that give you license to do what you will do to three people? I say NO. You've made your decisions, now honor up to them.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel like this could have been written by a man, and he would be ripped to shreds on this board.
[ Reply | Options ]You've missed the point; most here do not approve or respect what she has done and the kids and dh are the innocent victims. OP needs to own up to responsibility and not cause pain to family. OP is an adolescent mentality with a fantasy life when she has dc who need her to be an adult.
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sexual attraction is NOT a good thing to base a relationship on. Respect and trust come in MUCH more handy. Don't know about you, but any man I was ever really attracted to and had great sex with was not someone whom I trusted or respected very much. I would advise you to work on your sex life with your dh. Take it as a challenge, you never know!! Think of all the pain and suffering you will cause the way you're going
[ Reply | Options ]my mother broke up a stable (though there were problems) family for a man she was into sexually (though that of course didn't last, it never does). I have sympathy for her, but after years of analysis therapy and bad behavior on my part, but only after that and a lot of grief, I have trained myself to make better choices than her. But it was very very hard, and I wish I had had better models.
[ Reply | Options ]Lone dissenter here. You get one life. If you and your husband are not happy together, you don't need to stay out of some type of obligation. Separate.
[ Reply | Options ]not alone - the most selfish part was marrying him in the first place (though from some of OPs posts, if looks like dh was looking for someone who was easy to control) - that's done and shouldn't necessarily be perpetuated. If they can't ignite the fire or agree to let the fire be ignited elsewhere, then enough.
[ Reply | Options ]I just don't think divorce is the worst thing ever. Even if we disagree with every choice she made in the past, she is here now, and basically can get a divorce and pursue happiness. JMO.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: Do you seriously think she'll find happiness with this other guy? (And let's be honest, the other guy is the reason she's contemplating leaving, not some great personal epiphany like she's trying to paint it above.) I feel like we'll just see another thread from her a few years down the road with lots of ALL CAPS talking about everything that's wrong with guy #2 and it's not really her fault because it was her first bad marriage that made her make this mistake in her second marriage and . . .
[ Reply | Options ]A lot of times guy #2 IS a device to get out of the situation. It is called Triangulation and does not mean that she has to be with him. Her ultimate happiness clearly does not lie with her husband, and both of them need a chance at a REAL marriage, whether or not he realizes it yet.
[ Reply | Options ]http://patio-design.olo.wjg.jp/index.html patio design http://diabetic-food.olo.wjg.jp/index.html diabetic food
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Dh is willing to fight tooth and nail but is not willing to work on making himself more attractive? That doesn't seem to jibe.
[ Reply | Options ]is your lover going to weave into what would be your new life as a single mother with two dc, or are you going to give custody to ex-dh? it's not like you're single w/o kids and can flop in bed whenever you want. is lover going to fit into any kind of life with whatever custody arrangments would be made? think about that.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I'll join in with the lone dissenter above and say that if you feel the marriage is beyond repair, then leave. Divorce isn't the end of everything, and if you can find a way to build a happier life, then I say go for it. Yes, you took vows but every once in a while, life goes askew, and as the poster wrote above, you only have one life to live. Go out and live it.
[ Reply | Options ]tritto regarding having one life to lead. But remember, things in our head don't always translate so neatly into real life, i.e. the sexy boyfriend and happily ever after. Also, let's be fair: any guy that is fighting tooth and nail to stay in a miserable situation has some serious co-dependency issues of his own.
[ Reply | Options ]OR from above: yes, there is no doubt that the boyfriend in the wings has been idealized, but objectively, it does seem like she feels that her marriage is beyond repair. And like it or not, sometimes marriage is. (And nope, I'm not divorced - married 8 yrs...and I know you're agreeing w/me, so I'm directing this at other posters, not you :) I think what someone suggested above is probably best: leave husband AND boyfriend. Figure herself out first.
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I think you should think about your kids first. What effect will your split have on them? They are going to learn that you cheated on their dad. They will probably learn that their dad desperately tried to save your marriage. The other man is going to be gone in a matter of time, and if you think you feel unhappy and unfulfilled now, just think about how you're going to feel as a single mom. You're enjoying the passion and excitement now, but it's just temporary. I have seen this happen so many times. Odds are so stacked against you--this thing with the other guy is not going to work out, and you are going to be alone, and your kids' lives are going to suffer for your bad judgment. Try to look at this like a grownup and make things work wit...
[ Reply | Options ]eventually you'll lose the passion for new guy, it will become a intense friendship with the same 'emotional security' (or maybe not even that)...and then you'll miss the old father of your kids. just screw around with new guy a few times to get it out of your system during the separation, realize he has a ugly dick, and then go back to old guy with a new appreciation for him.
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[-]We have an absolutely wonderful nanny who has been with us for 11 years, from the time our twin boys were 3. The boys are now in high school (both on honor roll) and quite self-reliant -- in large part due to our nanny, Debrah. The time has come for her to move on to another family and we want to help her in any way we can. She is an absolute find -- caring, intelligent (she has a couple years of college), outgoing, respectful, hard-working, reliable and with that sixth sense about child rearing. We will give her fantastic references. She will work in Brooklyn, Manhattan or Long Island. My question is this: is anyone interested in talking about hiring her or does anyone know the best places online and offline to help with her search? Thanks...
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]babybitesnyc.com is a good place for employers to list their nannies. You're only allowed to list if you will give great reference, so they're prescreened if they are listed on there. You don't get to list anything but vital stats (name, phone, location, etc.) but I've listed mine there and gotten several calls. You can tell the callers all this stuff when they call you.
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