[-]breastfeeding moms: is it normal that one side makes like 3x's as much milk as the other all the time. second baby - happened last time too....
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[-]sometimes i worry that i lack the energy to be a great mom. i'm 38, dd 5 months old, working full time, and feeling the effects of urban life. i love my girl -- i'm crying as i write this -- but sometimes i think i'm not loving this process enough. husband's out of work (SAHD) and it's as if they have a better, easier time together...while all i do is worry. (i'm also sleep-deprived.) sorry for pity party, just want to know if it's normal NOT to feel overjoyed every moment. all i ever wanted was...this. thanks.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Oh, I am just like you sometimes. I am single mom, and the stress of holding it all together, as you are doing too, is very difficult to handle. It is okay to admit it, and do not feel bad about worrying, and not having tweeting birdies and butterflies of joy flying around your every moment with db and dh. You all love each other, and that is all that matters, and the rest will work itself out.
[ Reply | Options ]you CAN'T be overjoyed every moment. if you're working, it's especially hard. i'm in the same situation. don't be so hard on yourself. fwiw, it gets so much better when they're 8 and 9 months old. they start to show who they are. by the time she's 18 months you'll be having a lot more fun. then you'll just be unimaginably tired. also, you should try to find some time for yourself alone to re-charge. as i said, btdt. we have 2 and we're both working. with no family support. our 2nd is now 1yr and it's starting to become a lot of fun with him, too, in addition to our 4yo. hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself.
[ Reply | Options ]I think we all feel this way from time to time. Not every moment is pure joy all the time, that's a myth. There are times we are tired, over-tired, stressed, or just worn out. With an infant it's harder because this stage of there life is so short. All you can do is the best. I have severe anxiety and lack energy as well. I never sleep well since my anxiety hits me at might and I haven't had a good night sleep since dd was 1 month old (is now almost 2 and a half) I am definitely not over flowing with joy every moment. As dd grows the enjoyment comes from seeing her grow and learn. My joy right now comes from hearing her say "I love you mommy. Kiss please."
[ Reply | Options ]the first year is really hard when you're working full-time and i found it to be really exhausting and draining, since you're a new mom, sleep-deprived and also working. i felt like i was too tired to give my dd all of the attention she deserved and too tired at work to do a decent job and just felt mediocre over all. once my dd started sleeping more and i got the hang of being a mom, everything got way more manageable...i remember things looking up around 6 months, then 9 months, then a year, etc. you will get better at all the aspects of your life. don't be so hard on yourself...it is really challenging to be working full-time with a new baby and you can't do everything perfectly. do the best you can!
[ Reply | Options ]The first six months are brutal, regardless of how old you are. I had my first at 25, and the first six months aged me ten years. Having to work full time must make it even more challenging. Cheer up, get some help from friends or relatives on the weekend, have some alone time and some alone with your dd time. It will get better, and easier, although I doubt anyone's ever at a point where they are overjoyed ALL THE TIME. That's just unrealistic. Good luck to you.
[ Reply | Options ]I ditto the abov post about the first year being very hard AND that it gets a little bit better every few months. Pretty soon your dd will start to move and show more of her personality and even talk, and then it just becomes more fun. Plus, hopefully she'll be sleeping better! Don't get me wrong, it doesn't get easy, but I definitely started to enjoy it more and felt more in control.
[ Reply | Options ]you hang in there. i promise it gets better. you are at a very demanding point in the baby-stage and even twenty year old moms with no job get tired right about now. it's totally normal not to be overjoyed at every moment. for that matter, it's normal to be exhausted, tired, grumpy and remembering how easy life was before the little one....but just know that these are fleeting moments and it WILL get better.
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I felt such guilt for not finding joy in becoming a new mother and I still do (dc 2 and a half) a lot of the time. I think somehow that we put the pressure on ourselves as women and try to live up the ideal mother figure who revels in her motherhood but now I'm coming to understand that it's the biggest self-defeating myth out there. Nothing about this changes the love for my child but do I love being a mother? Not really to be honest. And this is just one of those things you will never know about until you are there. I don't have an easy advice because I too feel the burden of guilt and anxiety but just wanted to let you know that you are DEFINITELY not the only one to be feeling what you're feeling
[ Reply | Options ]Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Many moms go through this. This is so common, but it is also such a lonely place to be. Believe us that this will pass and things will get better. Try to get some more sleep. The joy will sneak up on you and overwhelm you when you least expect it.
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[-]5.5 month old dd still in bed with us. she wakes up every 2-3 hrs. to bf. i love these moments with her -- i work full time -- but need the extra sleep, obviously. pediatrician wants her to be down to 1 feed per night by 6 months. i've read the books & know some methods but just do not know how to make this work for us. anyone ever been there done that, here? thanks.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]This may not be what you want to hear, but I totally ignored my peds advice on everything but medical issues. Sleep (when and where) and how often db ate were up to me. Ped knew no more about our life and baby than I did on those matters. I ebf and coslept and we all enjoyed every minute of it. So, if you want to listen, or if you don't like the current arrangement - then find one that works for you, but if this is working - why change it?
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[-]Expecting first db in november and have been told that good nursing bras are a must. Can anyone recommend a good brand or where to find them?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]depends on how much support you need/what size you are. for sleeping/lounging at home, I love majamas nursing bras. i have one very expensive, more supportive bra that looks nice under clothes. i don't remember the brand, but i got it at upper breast side. otherwise, i generally wear glamourmom or bravado nursing tanks. they are great, and glamourmoms are long and cover your post partum belly nicely. i got glamourmom and majamas at diapers.com.
[ Reply | Options ]It is kinda difficult to buy a nursing bra until after you have established bf'ing because your boobs get so much bigger. That said, I found the nursing bras to be a pain (nmaybe I never found a good one) and ended up just using bras with no underwire that I lifted up over the breast during feedings. Congrats on your little one on the way.
[ Reply | Options ]Honestly, I stopped wearing a nursing bra halfway through nursing my first baby. I just pull the cups of my regular bras down, and flop the breast over the top of it. I generally wear padded bras, so any milk that drips gets absorbed. After your breasts get accustomed to nursing, they stop dripping. I might be in the minority, but it works fine for me! Signed, mom who breastfed three babies.
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[-]can anyone recommend a quiet, non dangerous, easy to clean (tank doesn't get mossy - no hard to reach areas to clean) humidifier? have been using air-o-swiss for years but have to get a new one every year because of the yuck buildup. thanks.
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[-]Our whole family has swine flu. My fever has been gone for 2 days but I still have the awful cough with (sorry, TMI) green phlegm. Supposed to go to SIL's baby shower tomorrow. This is a big occasion for her, and I don't want to miss it. However, I've done some research and while it's not concrete, general consensus is that I'm still contagious if I'm coughing. Should I ask SIL if she still wants me there, or should I go? DH thinks I'm being dramatic and trying to get out of going. I think I'm being considerate of the other shower guests. WDYT?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I wouldn't go and I wouldn't want to be around someone whose whole family had swine flu particularly when I am pregnant.
[ Reply | Options ]OP here: Thanks, guys. I think it's spectacularly bad form to bring my sick ass to a gathering in a small enclosed space, too! I keep telling him that I'd LOVE to get out of the apartment (I've been cooped up since Sunday night with three sick kids) and gab and eat cake. It's not that. I just don't think it's right. SIL had the vax, but there are other people to consider.
[ Reply | Options ]I think your DH probably does not understand the risk to pregnant women and the general cautious feelings, even paranoia, of pregnant women and the people who love them! Call your SIL and explain that you really want to be there but that it doesn't seem very wise. I think she will be grateful.
[ Reply | Options ]You are not contagious if you have been fever free for 24 hours. With a pregnant SIL I might be overly cautious and go with 48 hours. The cough means nothing if there is not a fever.
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OMG, don't go! I can't believe you would even consider it! Your poor pregnant SIL does not need to get swine flu from you. By even asking her, you are putting her in an awkward situation. It's only common sense that you would not put a baby's health in jeopardy because YOU don't want to miss a big occasion.
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[-]whats the thoughts on the concern of the thermisol in the multi-dose vial for the n1n1 vac for dc's under 2yo? i know i know, sooo tired of h1n1, but it is still a very real issue. the nasal mist has not thermisol, but there are two forms of the shot (multi-dose vial, and single dose) the multi has some in it. im concerned but not sure HOW concerned to be IF in fact that was to be the version our ped got. any experience with the single dose vs multi dose?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Initially, people thought that thimerosal might cause autism b/c the number of vaccines required which contained themierosal was increasing along with the autism rate. After removing it from vaccines, the autism rates continued to increase, however, and nobody has been able to find any causal links between the two despite intense study. It was a case of correlation not being the same as causation. There is really no reason to worry about it!
[ Reply | Options ]np: elevated mercury levels is a very real concern. and i know several people who've had this due to excessive fish consumption. why we doubt that injecting it into babies might also be harmful, is beyond me. now whether the amount in 1 vaccine is enough to cause a problem, maybe not. but some babies used to get several mercury containing vaccines on 1 day and then more a couple of months later and then even more a couple of months after that. when these babies weighed less than 20 lbs.
[ Reply | Options ]Actual amount of mercury in the shots w/ themerisol is very, very low, though. I think the high range of mercury in shots is about the same as one can of tuna.
[ Reply | Options ]np: actually, I think it may be less, and it takes much less time to leave the system than does mercury from fish. (not that I'm thrilled about it, but it does put it into perspective.)
[ Reply | Options ]Thimerosal contains ethyl mercury while food such as tuna contains methyl mercury. The body processes different types of mercury in different ways. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency’s safe exposure guidelines for mercury are based on exposure to methyl mercury. The danger with methyl mercury is that exposure to it is typically sustained over a long period time, hence a toxic buildup can occur. Children's shots, which by and large don't contain any mercury anymore, are given months apart.
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You won't find much useful information here. People get far too excited about this to have a rational discussion. Go to the CDC website for a rational approach to this topic.
[ Reply | Options ]i went to CDC last night and really DUG for information. found what I was looking for. My 7 1/2 month old got the h1n1 vaccine today. Such a relief. I was on the fence and then my dh and I thought a) we got her the seasonal flu, why not this one? and b) there are SOO many people around the city and counrty that are desperately tryin to find the vaccine, how could we so carelessly turn it down? We know we got lucky. I feel like I can relax a bit!
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[-]Discouraged about post-baby body. Was in really good shape, and even now am no slacker. But abs are just so stretched out, they don't hold my belly in like they should. I still look pregnant. I am doing all the right things, exercise-wise. When will this change?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Your abdominal muscles might have separated. Mine did. To check, lie on your back and do a little crunch. If your stomach sinks in (like a hole) then your muscles have separated. It is called Diastasis Recti. Mine is extremely bad but I had twins and got super stretched out. I am trying to figure out how to correct it. I think I need surgery.
[ Reply | Options ]I had that, and did pilates with a sports medicine guy to correct it. Very specific exercises. My insurance paid for it, since I was diagnosed as having diastasis. It really worked, I was amazed, as my doctor was talking surgery to correct it.
[ Reply | Options ]How bad was yours? Was it one small spot or did it extend all the way from top to bottom of abdomen? I am so discouraged about mine right now. It is hard to imagine that pilates or any exercise could correct it (not that I do not believe you - I am just feeling overwhelmed).
[ Reply | Options ]It was big, also had hernia at belly button. I was amazed at the results, but I was made to work very hard by instructor, and it is very specific, small exercises for this condition, so definitely only try this approach with someone who knows what they are doing in terms of diastasis. You would be surprised how many trainers know nothing about it.
[ Reply | Options ]Okay. that is what I need to do. I have the belly button hernia too. I had that even from my first pg with singleton. What do I do? Go to my regular doctor for a diagnosis? Or OB? Not sure where to start. Gosh who will watch my kids while I go for treatments. I don't know if I can swing this. Maybe I need my mom to retire first. Can too much time pass before you begin?
[ Reply | Options ]My dc was 2 before I got properly diagnosed. Go to Doctor, see if they will refer you to sports medicine, or therapist that your insurance accepts...If not, then pay for a session with good person once a month, and have them write notes for you on exactly what to do at home. All we ever used was one of those big rubber balls.
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I thought that that was the case with my abs and then I did T-Tapp and my abs looked better than before (and I'd had a c-section).
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website is www.t-tapp.com - you can look at it for yourself. i found it effective.
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[-]db likes to sleep on breast. i would like to substitute pacifier when she begins to nod off but haven't found one she really likes. any suggestions?
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]My dd loves the Playtex ones where the nipple is made of silicone. They have the ages on them too such as 6 month+ and if you can find them get the Ortho Pro Playtex ones. These ones are made to not ruin their teeth.
[ Reply | Options ]sorry no real help, but for my DD she only likes a very specific swiss brand. it is totally and completely ridiculous. Just try one of every one you can get your hands on and try to make them soft first (boil as directed, and then squish them with your fingers, etc.)
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op: on one hand i'm happy to not have to wean her, but our bed time "ritual" is her falling asleep on the breast and lying there for about 20 mins before i can put her in her bed. i wonder if i can get her to take a pacifier if it would help someone else put her to bed.
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[-]Would you hire a nanny that you really liked, but didn't have infant experience? DC is 14 mo and #2 is due in 3 months. I would be home for 6 weeks to provide instruction. Nanny has only cared for kids aged 3 and up. TIA.
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No infant experience at all or none as a nanny. I know nannies who had younger siblings or large extended families, so they've cared for infants but not on a daily basis. It depends on your level of comfort. If you feel experienced enough to teach her, then go for it.
[ Reply | Options ]I probably would. I think the infant stuff can be picked up quickly, and she should be great with your dc who may need some extra fun and attention. Having someone good with toddlers is invaluable IMO.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't know, it's not the newborn care I'd be worried about, because there's not much to diaper changing and holding. But taking care of a 3 yo is different than taking care of a 9 month or 14 month old.
[ Reply | Options ]We did this. Former teacher, great refs, 3 kids and 1 grandkid of her own! It was terrible. She had no understanding of how to connect w/ an infant (3 months old). Our dd screamed and screamed with her. One day I took the day off to stay home and observe. When dd cried, she didn't really pick her up, or interact with her. She held a toy over her head instead. Fired her after 3 weeks. Problem is the lack of real professional references evaluating skills w/ infants. Might be ok if you have lots of time to observe yourself during a trial period. We were THRILLED with our next nanny, btw.
[ Reply | Options ]I would say no. There are a lot of things that new mothers are paranoid about that a caretaker might not be so careful about - holding up their head, making sure the bottle's not too hot, changing the diaper enough to avoid diaper rash, etc., etc. You want to have peace of mind with your nanny, and you might not with someone who is inexperienced.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes. IMO her core character and work ethic are much more important than experience. My first long term nanny had no childcare experience, but she had amazing work references. She was awesome. Kind, loving, responsible, hard working, never late, etc. You can teach the skills if you have a good person and a motivated learner. That said, when we had our 3rd we ended up going with a nanny who was herself a mom of 3. Caring for 3dc is rare in NYC and wanted someone who could really handle it.
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[-]2.5 month old db lasts about 5-10 minutes with dh when he gets home from work before she starts to cry for me. when will it get better so i can have a break? anyone btdt?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]do you let her cry for a little bit? if you go to her immediately, she is bound to keep it up. she may need a little gentle encouragement to get to know her dad is a good caregiver too! try to leave her with him a little bit longer every day.
[ Reply | Options ]i leave her with him and give suggestions on what works for me. he will try (only for a few moments) and then come and stand by me until i take her. i try to make it longer, but then it is punishing for both of them.
[ Reply | Options ]^^ also, better when earlier in the day, like on weekends or in the morning before work when she will happily spend 30 mins with him, but she is cranky by the evening even when she is well-napped.
[ Reply | Options ]oh, that's REALLY hard if he is not willing to work with you! it sounds like he needs to make a bigger effort to learn to be with her. it's hard--some parents have a lot of trouble relating to babies. it may be a lot easier for your dh to care for her when she gets a little older. in the meantime, he should try some different techniques, though--you need a break!
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[-]What do early signs of kicking feel like? I'm going on 11 weeks and have been feeling as if I've had terrible gas/bloating all day that has come and gone. Is that the first signs of this little one moving around that I can feel?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I believe that's too early. I remember watching my twins moving around, kicking, etc. on ultrasound at 11 weeks and I couldn't feel a thing. I didn't start feeling anything until 20 weeks. Now, at 23 weeks, I can clearly feel it on the inside, but not from the outside yet. Hard to describe, but it just feels like babies poking me from the inside!
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earliest you'll feel the baby with the first pregnancy is likely 18 weeks. Earlier with subsequent pregnancies.
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[-]Needs advice! I'm the previous "my SIL lives 10 mins. away" poster. I want to schedule a playdate for the cousins at a local children's toy store. I am mainly not interested in having any closesness w/ this SIL, because my other SIL & MIL are toxic beyond belief. This particular SIL is somewhat close to them....Do I preface the invite with I'd like the kids to get together, but I would like it to be about them and that I'm not interested in involving any other family drama. I worked really hard on myself and in therapy to deal with some of these issues, I'm fearful about going backwards in life?!
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]no, I wouldn't bring it up. You need to develope coping skills to deal with these people since you can't ignore them. Prepare some standard replies that are ready to toss out if the SIL starts a touchy topic. You can make it clear at that time that you don't want to have that discussion. Be polite, but be firm. She'll get the idea that you aren't going to react or engage. Good luck
[ Reply | Options ]I wouldn't bring it up, unless the MIL or other SIL was mentioned. I'm torn. This SIL is very delusional and immature. However, she has a new baby and lost her Mother a few years ago. I have a soft spot in my heart and want the kids to get the chance to meet-up. My MIL will take this as well, then we are all spending the XMAS together and will try to tear down the boundaries. I feel so torn, since I have to be firm. What do I say?
[ Reply | Options ]I'd say... let's just enjoy the day and not talk about family. If she presses for drama, then you can decrease the contact. Am glad you've worked on the issues and agree that you don't want to go backwards, but I think you can face these people and stay above the problems. It might take a few tries, but it's all good practice
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I wouldn't mention anything about not wanting to discuss family drama. Just keep it casual and see how it goes. If it becomes a drama rama fest just leave and don't do it again. FWIW I don't even know my SIL on my husband's side. MY DH hasn't spoke to his brother in over 5 years so it could be worse.
[ Reply | Options ]Why do I feel torn? I have a huge plate full right now. I want to be the better person, but why do I have to prove it. I think your'e right, to keep it casual. It would be, so long as its not at my home.
[ Reply | Options ]Keep it casual, short and sweet. If the family drama, other family members are brought up, look her in the eye and, in the nicest tone possible (with perhaps a hint of humor) tell her you've been through enough therapy to know you can't have this conversation. Thank her for understanding and redirect the conversation. If it comes up at all, her response will let you know the future possibilities. I do think that you should do it though. The fact that you are considering it at all tells me it is the right thing for you to do. I speak from experience, one cousin has maintained a relationship with me and our kids and one hasn't. It bothers me that the one who hasn't has chosen this path. But I know I offered more and it gives me some peace of ...
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[-]how much and for how long does/did your 3 month old db nap?
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[-]When the milestone says "drink from a cup," they mean sippy or straw cup, right? Or do they mean like a cup with no lid?
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]no, drinking from a cup means an open cup. it was a milestone well before sippy cups were invented!
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