[-]Planning a boys first birthday party in manhattan. Most guests do not have children but there are a few. Kids vary in age from 1 year to 10 years. Any ideas of places good for adults (food and drinks available) but where the kids won't be bored to death. Group is about 50 people - 10 kids/40 adults. have looked everywhere on line and having no luck - HELP!
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[-]Any feedback on CBS midwifery? or any recommendation for a midwife?
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[-]I have rheumatoid arthritis. Do I need a high risk OB? Any suggestions for specialists in autoimmune disorders and pregnancy.
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He doesn't think it's a foregone conclusion. My regular OB/GYN gave me a referral for an MFM specialist, though she's at Beth Israel and a friend had a really bad experience there. I'm looking elsewhere, and wondering if anyone out there has a subspecialty in autoimmune diseases. Anyone else out there w/ RA...what did you do?
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I have RA- had two pregnancies- luckily in both I was great with no meds but fish oil. Went to high risk after reading study that suggested RA patients had higher rates of preeclampsia (though not that much higher) and pretty significantly higher rates of IUGR. Had more monitoring at the end because of the increased IUGR risk and also was not allowed, by my high risk doctor, to go more than 41 weeks because she said there was risk of placenta detrioration beyond the normal amount when you go past the due date. My rheum said high risk wasn't necessary, but another rheum I saw during pregnancy (that had privileges at the hospital I was delivering at) thought it was a wise move. Lupus pg's are obviously more high risk and I think anyone wi...
[ Reply | Options ]That's great you were in remission. I'm new here - what's IUGR? Are you in NYC? If so, do you recommend your high risk OB? Also, were you on any TNF meds prior to conception? How before trying did you go off? This is one thing that I can't seem to find anything resembling consensus on...For MTX it's 3 months, but that is a LONG time to go w/o anything...Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]OR here- I was on Kineret, a biological but not a TNF inhibitor. I dropepd to only Kineret and fish oil, stopped NSAIDs and plaquenil and sulfaslazine. My rheum said the Kineret left my system so quickly that he said I coudl take up until a positive home pregnancy test. SO I always tested super early. Ended up needing IVF, so I actually stopepd the Kineret two days before egg retrieval.
[ Reply | Options ]With pg number 2, got pregnant naturally first month trying, tested super early and got the faintest positive about 9-10 days after ovulation, and stopped kineret then. My RE, OB, and Rheum never had a probalem with just staying on Kineret and stopping it super early in the pregnancy.
[ Reply | Options ]on my second pg, it happened naturally, I was on Kineret while trying and stopped it at 9-10 DPO when I got the faintest positive on a pg test. RE< OB< and rheum never had issues with me being on Kineret while trying.
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I have RA, and intentionally went off Remacaid to get pregnant. Tried a # of times earlier, but couldn't last off meds for 3 mos. Over 40, severe RA, did not need a high risk OB (even though I hit that category in 2 areas; age and disease). Textbook pregnancy, pain free for 9 months, and back needing meds nearly a week after I gave birth. She's beautiful, smart and worth every bit!!! GL!
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[-]Is Clomid 50mg usually the first thing doctors give you after you try for a few months? I am 39 and have been trying only for 2 months but doc said to try Clomid this cycle, given my age. WWYD?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]After having taken Clomid for six cycles I read that more and more literature suggestst that Clomid fixes certain things -- e.g., if you are not ovulating or if have pcos -- but doesn't do much for unexplained infertility. Yet it has become standard 'first line of defense'. If I was you (and I was) I would waste no time, find out what the underlying problem is (if you can) and use the most direct means to address it.
[ Reply | Options ]Agreeing with the post above, though I'm not BTDT, it seems that more and more ob/gyns are leaping to try it before doing a real assessment of the fertility issues. Via friends who have gone that route, I'd encourage you to really read up on it because while it can fix certain specific problems it can also create other obstacles (lessen cervical fluid, etc.). I'm almost 39, so I know the sense of urgency, but two months of trying also really isn't that long. Are you doing all the "cycle tracking" you can (temp, OPKs, cervical fluid, etc.)?
[ Reply | Options ]I hope you are seeing a fertility doctor and not a regular ob/gyn. If you are seeing a RE (fertility) clomid and IUI would be the first step. If that doesn't work, they could introduce injectables to help you produce more eggs (with iui). If that doesn't work, given your age, I would go straight to IVF and not waste time. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]BTDT - also 39 when we started trying, after 6 mos, OB then RE tried us on 3 rounds of 100mg Clomid/IUI without success. First IVF cycle = 1 DC, 2nd IVF cycle = 2 DCs. I would agree with previous posters that I wouldn't waste a lot of time on Clomid, particularily if your infertility is unexplained but after only 2 mos, you probably don't even know if an issue exists. Glad you are going to an RE for a full work-up so you'll know how best to proceed. In the meantime tho, I don't see the harm in doing Clomid. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]After having unexplained infertility for FOUR years, I determined on my own that I had a short luteal phase. I had no idea Clomid would be helpful for this (because I was ovulating each month like clockwork), but after doing my own research on medical websites, I discovered that Clomid was known to help with this. I went to my OB, took 1 round of Clomid, and got pregnant. I have another friend who got pregnant after her second round, and then lots of others for whom Clomid was the "gateway drug" to IUI, IVF, etc. So you never know.
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[-]Playdate etiquette question: My 3 yr old dd has just been invited for her fisrt playdate from a classmate. (1) I live all the way up in washington Heights so how do I ask if it can be done at their house. (2) Would my nanny drop her off and I pick up (I work) or would she stay the whole time? (which she would not want to do). Tia.
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I usually say how about your house this time and ours the next if you want it there. At 3 yo your nanny should stay esp bcse it's the first playdate. She shouldn't not want to do this, imo because it's part of her job and also bcse she should be there to help supervise and also make sure that the environment is ok. 3 is too young for drop offs anyway.
[ Reply | Options ]OP here, I should have mentioned that my nanny is also my aunt so we both take liberties (she prefers watching dd at her house in the Bronx so pretty much only goes from point A to point B, but I come home late sometimes, etc.) I just know she would be really huffy about not being able to go home, she's kindof lazy.
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I agree with OR--your nanny doesn't have a choice. She needs to stay at the playdate, and why should it be a big deal for her? My babysitter goes on lots of playdates--it's part of her job. She brings books, or homework to do, or her laptop.
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You can't drop off a 3 yo! Too young! 3 yos can be high maintenance -- need help resolving conflicts, diaper or potty issues, emotionally unpredictable -- and you can't expect a classmate's parent or sitter to take care of her. You pay your sitter, she needs to stay there. No problem asking if it could be done at the other person's more convenient home.
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[-]Pregnant moms...have you got any side effects from the Swine flu shot?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Got mine on Friday. No side effects. Not even the dead arm I got from the regular flu shot.
[ Reply | Options ]Where are people getting the swine flu shot? I've looked all over and no one seems to even know when they're getting it.
[ Reply | Options ]Try the Helen B. Atkinson Community Health Center. Tel: (212) 426-0088. As of yesterday, they were offering thimerasol-free swine flu shots to pregnant women. It is tough to get through to them, but keep trying - and leave a message if no one picks up. Good luck!
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[-]Looking for recommendations for a great photographer that you have used in the past. Looking to take some photos of 3 & 6 year old dc. TIA
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]www.shuttersistersimages.com and jordan elyse - both were great.
[ Reply | Options ]www.polinanezvankina.com - was able to get many good shots of all 4 kids together - my kids (9,8,5 &1) liked her and had fun even.
[ Reply | Options ]Jodie Love--she was photo editor at Time Out Kids. We used her once. jodielove@gmail.com.
[ Reply | Options ]Melanie Wesslock www.melaniewesslock.net Took shots in Central Park and made a video montage of the photos too--loved it all.
[ Reply | Options ]http://www.obrienpictures.com/ he is quirky and has a distinctive look, but we always get great shots of the kids
[ Reply | Options ]we use http://bluelilyphotography.com/index2.php whenever they come to town (they are based out of california). i think they will be back in the spring. such a fun shoot and such great shots. they have a good eye and do something with their photos that really make the colors pop. we love them.
[ Reply | Options ]Danny Goldfield - he takes the best pictures of kids that I've ever seen: http://www.nychildren.org/
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[-]I need a recommendation for a good place for a company holiday party in NYC.
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I see that most folks on this board go public even when they could "afford" private.
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I know many people who earn over 500K a year and never applied to private. Just went to their zoned public.Not interested in the craziness
[ Reply | Options ]odds are they live in a zone where the public school is a good option, so they don't need to go through the craziness. if they lived elsewhere they might have made a different decision.
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This is NYC, neighborhoods still run block to block in some places - parts of CPW, Riverside and WEA are not zoned for "great" public schools, yet this is generally very high income housing. Most families living in the El Dorado and The Ardsley (CPW, low 90s) do not send their DCs to PS84 - they are in G&T or private.
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70K. worrying. Was 24K last year - worrying if school wil drastically reduce FA award this year. Aaagh. The income has not nade much of a difference
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[-]Please recommend a dermatologist on the UWS who takes United.
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[-]Does anyone else's child NOT have playdates? I woh f/t and have 2 dcs. weekends tend to be family time and if we do playdates it's with friends that dh and i want to catch up with. My younger dc who is in preschool is begging for playdates which is just hard - have an after school babysitter but also older dc would have to tag along...and I don't know when else to fit this in but i feel guilty. Someone tell me I am not the only one.
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I think play dates are important for developing more intimate relationships and a chance to socialize one-on-one.
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I work until 1 or 2 and then pick kids up at school and either have a friend dropped off with me or drop one of mine off- or have other parent pick up mine and hers and then go pick up at about 5.
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I don't think you have anything to worry about. They get lots of socialization at school. I was in a similar situation as you and my kids who are now a bit older are social and form great friendships.
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when I was a kid i just played with my brothers. Now have an only child now and i thought that daycare (before she was in school), then school and now that she is older, after school activities she had plenty of social interaction. i guess you need to do playdates if you dont get out of the house much. certainly play & solcial interaction is important; glad i never had to run my schedule around setting up play appointments though.
[ Reply | Options ]not to make too big a deal out of this, but an arranged playtime with a special friend is different from "social interaction" with random dcs you meet out and about or in the context of some other activity, like afterschool. in this day and age, setting up play appointments is sort of part of the deal of being a parent.
[ Reply | Options ]agree. but i think it can get out of hand when a child's every day is scheduled with playdates and not just "play". not to flame, but i think a lot of playdates are sought in an effort for the mother to gain access to certain social circles, not necessarily who the child would choose for their date. My point is that too much importance can be placed on the playdate. It can seem like there is a competition for certain friendships.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't do playdates because I think it is more important for my children to bond with each other than any other children. I have a 7yo boy and 5yo girl. They play with others randomly at the playground but at home, it has been lovely watching their play develop from bickering to setting up a store to inventing games and building forts in the living room. They both beg for playdates, they get them at birthday parties and a few times a month. School and school events give them more time with peers. They are both very social and leaders in their classes. I've forced them to deal effectively with difficult differences and it shows in their interactions with friends of all ages. I value the relationship my kids have with each other above f...
[ Reply | Options ]But don't you think seeing little friends is important as well, but in a different way? I know a lot of families who feel as you do and it just seems like something is missing from the kids' lives...even if they do get along well. It kind of is a normal thing to have non family playmates, isn't it? I would see it as enriching the sibling relationship, to have other personalities and experiences. I know I need to interact with a variety of different people.
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isn't younger dc out of preschool before older dc is out of school? or could nanny arrange dropoff playdates for older dc and take younger one on playdates herself? make this the nanny's problem. also, i think it's a little selfish of you to make your weekend socializing all about you and dh.
[ Reply | Options ]while i don't think that playdates are the end all be all, i also think that it is a legitimate request from your dc. clearly he or she really wants to spend some more time with preschool friends. I think that once a week your sitter can handle a playdate. Most preschool kids either have a babysitter or a SAHM who can bring the kid to your house and your older dc can either go home with a friend sometimes or bring a friend over sometimes. I can't udnerstand why this is so hard.
[ Reply | Options ]i am in similar situation. Have found it works well with other siblings (eg. sets of kids the same age). Also, many people in NY have babysitters, so email moms and ask if your babysitter can arrange a playdate with theirs. Host first, then most will not mind your other dc tagging along if your babysitter has them under control. Or, try to sign older DC up for a drop off program and do playdates with the younger one around then.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't understand the problem. I have a preschooler and an elementary school aged child. I WOH f/t and have a baby sitter with the kids in the afternoon. They both have plenty of play dates. My older child's play dates are drop off, so she goes home with a friend or the friend comes home with her and our baby sitter. With the younger child, the baby sitters both stay. If it doesn't work out that older child is at someone else's house when younger child has a play date, older child comes or they all play at our apartment. Both of my kids have always played with one another's friends.
[ Reply | Options ]MY Step DD who is 8 doesn't have playdates. Her mother works and she goes into after care after school. I feel it has really hurt her socially. She has no close friends, does not get invited to parties etc...
[ Reply | Options ]i good nanny should set up these playdates for you--i think more than needing it, preschoolers like having playdates. or you could always arrange them yourself and then send your sitter or host them at your house. i dont think being a wohm is a good excuse and most of these responses sound self righteous. are playdates critical, no, but kids enjoy them and it's good for them.
[ Reply | Options ]i think you've got to do the playdates. i work f/t too (and so does dh), so i understand where you are coming from. we just try to make playdates as easy as possible, and usually do them with other woh parents (most of the parents i know work full time). we'll take turns dropping off for a weekend afternoon, take another kid along to the zoo or museum, whatever. also, do you live in an apartment? if there are kids in your building that you could help dc connect with it is SO much easier. our ds plays with other kids from the building everyday.
[ Reply | Options ]My DC rarely have playdates. DH is a SAHD, which makes the whole thing a little difficult. (I wonder how many of the ladies going on above about how essential playdates are would actually schedule one with their DC's BFF if he/she had a SAHD.) I'm not all that concerned about it. They play a lot with each other (they're less than 2 years apart), have cousins close in age that they play with one-on-one, play with friends on the playground after school and a lot of stuff like that.
[ Reply | Options ]I view playdates as part of life - I like opening up my home to friends and I expect DCs do as well. You can manage it if you work, just a different schedule. Friends are part of life especially for children. I think it is important to learn how to be a good host and to deal with different people outside the family.
[ Reply | Options ]I was you last year, and now I accept invitations and then reciprocate, but I don't seek them out. I have to say it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be to get into the rotation and reciprocate, I leave work a little early or work from home that day and finish early, then pick them both up and take them somewhere or bring them home. I do this about once a month and it is manageable, and I do see that ds is learning something from it, how to be a good host, have a friend one on one, do what someone else wants to do, offer a snack, etc. He is in aftercare and that is very social too, the kids there have lots of friends- it is a different kind of socializing though.
[ Reply | Options ]Do what's right for you family but playdates one-on-one are different then just being at school and are important for social development and conflict resolution. Of course if they have a sibling and parents they are probably getting that at home on the weekends anyway! But I'd try to get one in every now and then.
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[-]Am I the only one here who went to HM as a kid and loved it? I was really hurt they did not take my DC for nursery. I thought HM was a terrific school. I met plenty of snotty kids, but also some very nice ones.
29 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I loved the education and my friends, but not the general social scene. We have a toddler -- interesting to hear about a legacy getting dinged. Ouch. I guess it's because over the past few years they've had no room for anyone but sibs and legacies, so they changed the policy.
[ Reply | Options ]the few adults I know well that went there all have no interest in sending their dcs there. When I was considering applying for dc they let me know they would think twice about it
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks so much for your post! Am a bit surprised that they wouldn't take a multiple legacy. Did your child have a bad playdate? Did they give you any feedback? We're currently applying and it's our FC. Our DC did not have a terrific playdate but I think was within the confines of normal behavior for a 2 year old. Just have no idea what they are looking for at these playdates. Where did your child ultimately end up? Once again, many thanks for your input.
[ Reply | Options ]I think he was ok at the playdate but not stellar. He didn't follow some directions and he tried a little too hard to get attention (put his face in the director's face and made a silly face). Our interview we felt like she was probing to find out if we had a trust fund or something - it was weird. He ended up at Heschel, which is a nice school.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I think for HM to try to maintain its "toughest most competetive academic environment in nyc" reputation, they can't afford to simply accept sibs and legacies that they believe aren't going to cut it. i think though that they should handle it better, maybe encourage you to reconsider an application at K when they might have a slightly better feel for your dc.
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HEy, you know what? I think you (and more importantly, your son) are far better off! I wasn't overly impressed with HM....
[ Reply | Options ]I went to HM as a kid (started in 7th though) and I wouldn't say that I loved it although my best friends in the world are still from there. A ton of my friends came through from nursery and they did love it. I find that when you start a school from nursery - 12 that you become much more indoctrinated by the school then when you come later. But it was a GREAT education and unbelievable network to this day. All my friends who went there send their kids there. My one friend who's kids didn't get in were also a 4x legacy. Shocked us all.
[ Reply | Options ]We are in same boat: my DH and sibs went to HM, plus we were/are well-connected (with family members spending time on the financial board many years ago). Didn't get in last year. However, to be fair, we haven't really be active alums. We just lost track. If we really really want it, we would have to become more involved.
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[-]This morning I had a really bizarre sex dream involving DH's friend. All four of us (DH and I, his friend & wife) were at some water slide resort. His friend and I were sitting on towels near the pool, talking. He kept touching me and then we had crazy/amazing sex. Really good dream, but I woke up feeling terribly guilty. His wife is a good friend of mine and I love my DH. Tonight, all 4 of us were supposed to meet for dinner & a movie. His wife and my DH had to cancel last minute, though they still wanted us to go out, which we did. The whole time, all I could think of was fucking him. Argh! What is wrong with me?!?
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[-]Playroom advice: WWYD? Had two run ins with very obnoxious and disrespectful kids in our building playroom. They are about 6 and literally destroy the place when they are in there. Nanny has absolutely no control. I (32 wks pg) was hit with a baseball that they were throwing one day and it's absolutely unsafe for my 18 mo to be in there when they are there. Realizing it is a "community" playroom for everyone I understand they have a right to be there but as they pose a danger to other children/adults and are so disrespectful to the toys and equipment in there I feel like I need to talk to the parents. I'm not that type of person and hate to be controversial but the nanny clearly has no control and isn't too concerned. What's the best way to...
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Our playroom has a resident who is "in charge" and responsible for enforcing the rules. If your playroom does not have a set of rules, then maybe you should poll the parents and come up with a set of ground rules (one of which should be no ball throwing inside!). I would have absolutely no hesitation to admonish the kids if they were not playing in a way that was safe for ALL kids in the room, though it would have to be pretty extreme before I would say something (throwing a baseball inside is pretty extreme, imho). You can do it in a gentle way.
[ Reply | Options ]Bring it up with the building management company. Its an amenity you're paying for and can't use because of others.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree with the two pp. The playroom can easily have rules that the tenants dcs abide by. Even if there is no attendant. The parents/nannies are responsible for their dcs behaviour. You can bring it up with management or the board of the building. You could also start with the parents if you like. They may or may not be receptive though.
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[-]UES Preschool: A parent from our UES preschool invited all of the class parents (14 students) to her Apt for a cocktail party so we could all get to know each other. After the initial invitation, she asks for $20 per person for food and drinks. Would you go?
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]it depends on whether you want to know them or not. Not everybody has class, taste, and manners. In fact, in my experience the people with the most money and resources usually are the worst. However, if you think it would be worth it to meet other parents and get to know each other then it can't hurt. I also think it is in bad taste to ask for the $20 but it's certainly not worth skipping, if it's something you want to do.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: The school party/fundraiser is two weeks later. It's $75 pp and I have no problem paying that.
[ Reply | Options ]ugh. we hosted a similar cocktail party. the other parents wanted to know how they could help. so they brought the wine and i provided food. maybe you could go that route?
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I guess it is really different uptown than downtown. downtown, we almost always do pot luck or contribute for something like this. would never expect one parent to host and pay for everything. Though i think the idea that everyone chips in should have been upfront in the first contact.
[ Reply | Options ]do you think this parent is on ub reading all about this? hehe, makes me laugh. I keep waiting for the day I log in and 'read' about something that directly involves me.
[ Reply | Options ]I think you should cut this hostess some slack. These school things are so complicated with everyone's needs and requirements. I bet she had a nice idea to host a get together for everyone and then someone else started saying she had to ask for money, blah, blah, blah and then no one is happy. Just go with it. And write a thank you note after. Really, we are all so snarky with each other and our children are watching.
[ Reply | Options ]Uhm ... post is ridiculous - just pay up. May be the mom committed to keeping the party, and realized just how expensive it would be after; maybe like the rest of us she's undergoing financial hardship. I wuldn't care one way or the other; if I'm going, 'd just contribute. not like 20 bucks is a big deal. I also think it's unethical that you came on here and said this - now everyone knows. Sheesh
[ Reply | Options ]np You shouldn't offer to host events you can't afford. It's like having a cash bar at a wedding. Would have been TOTALLY different if the class had agreed on having a cocktail that was either potluck or $20 per person and she (you?) had offered her home for it AFTER that conversation.
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We have parent get togethers in party rooms at cheap bars/restaurant and ask for contributions (but it's usually more like $50), so I think it is really nice someone offered to have it in their home. Cuts down on cost for everyone and she went to the effort of organizing, cleaning, etc. A big "thank you" should be in order.
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