[-]DIVORCE: Just read a post that said that divorced women are threats to other women AND that divorced women are pitied by their female friends. Wanted to take a poll, I have two divorced friends and I don't feel either way. Do you divorced friends? Do you pity or feel threatened by them?
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]divorced women are single and therefore as much a threat as a never married woman. maybe more if the divorcee really wants to be a married woman. and if its assumed or known that she had an affair while married that would be seen as a threat. pity is a strong word but don't you feel a little bad for any friends who don't have what you have and would like to?
[ Reply | Options ]no one has everything, so while you can feel bad for someone that his/her marriage didn't work out (which is a sad thing) it's very paternalistic to think that you are being envied
[ Reply | Options ]what if you have a friend who has said "I would like to have a husband and a family like yours someday". I don't think she envies me, I do feel a bit sad that she hasn't gotten what she says she wants.
[ Reply | Options ]I have said that to friends of mine who envy me for being single, when actually I don't want their lives at all but just to make them feel better. I think everyone does this. Friends tell me they envy me when I feel low that day, it is what friends do. I like to think we are all choosing lives that improve the past whatever that was.
[ Reply | Options ]of course, you want your friend to be happy...but pitying her would be different...probably, the only people i'd pity would be people stuck in a terrible marriage...being single certainly isn't pathetic
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I really can't consider anyone a threat because they are divorced that seems ridiculous to me. I will admit to feeling something, not pity, but something for divorced women with children. Not pity but just .... a wonder why they didn't keep it together. I am sure people might like to flame away for that but that is how I feel.
[ Reply | Options ]Well people are different and their situations are different. I am divorced and decided to leave because of things that you might be able to look beyond. Or maybe what I dealt with was far more insidious than you could ever imagine having to deal with.
[ Reply | Options ]I totally hear you. I am sure everyone has their good reasons that are right for them and their family. I guess it just makes me think about my relationship and my family?
[ Reply | Options ]if a friend of mine divorced because she was dealing with something far more insidious that I could ever imagine, I would have sympathy for her. Not because she got divorced but for having to go through the pain to get there. I realize people can be better because of overcoming the hardship but getting there can be hard.
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It depends on the friend. I do worry about one of my friends who recently divorced. She is desperately unhappy, really wanted kids, and divorced her husband because she didn't feel fulfilled (no counseling attempts). Now she is more lonely than ever! But for other friends, it was the right choice and they feel better. I don't pity or feel threatened for people who are divorced. I guess I feel sympathetic for single moms (divorced or not) because I feel like they have the hardest job in the world! Props to them.
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[-]i rented a cot a few years ago from www.grandmasrentals.com . I can't find them online. Any recs to rent cot or furniture in NYC?
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[-]hi: i'm still looking for a middle school or ongoing school for my bright dyslexic son. he's been in a school for kids with learning disabilities, but has overcome most of his issues and really scores quite high in some areas. he needs a place where can be way ahead in math and even reading, but still need some direct teaching (and understanding) in terms of writing. we live in manhattan but are willing to relocate to other boroughs or suburbs if need be. public or private. thank you in advance for responding.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]No flames, please, but I know a few kids from LD schools who have been "mainstreamed" into Browning. You may also want to check into BWL.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't know what type of learning issues or what ages these kids are, but my experience with browning is very different. The school really does not have the resources to support dyslexics and the like and these boys tend to leave (generally by their own choice after the pace picks up in terms of writing skills needed, etc. at third or fourth grade. Birch has a much better support system and resources available, but is very traditional in its academic approach. I know a boy who has mainstreamed into Claremont with great success. I don't think that they have the resources birch has, but they have been warm and welcoming and he loved the more progressive style in the classroom.
[ Reply | Options ]^also, whatever you do, stay away from York. They have this huge support system "for a price" and, as a for profit school, no interest whatsoever in getting these kids to the point of not needing the extra assistance. Also check out Columbia grammar. They have a good system for mainstreaming but have been over-subscribed in recent years and weren't taking more kids into the program as far as I know (but it is always worth inquiring). Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]Agree, but the kids who were "mainstreamed" were because they no longer needed support.
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You might want to call the Gow School (it is in upstate NY). Gow is a boarding school for dyslexic boys. They are very tied into schools who support dyslexic students. They might be able to steer you in the right direction. You might also want to call the the Dyslexic Association in NYC (forget the full name). Good luck!
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[-]I think that I may have offended a friend. She recently had a miscarriage and in the email I sent her (she's overseas), I said, "I'll be thinking of you, DH and your baby." She's prolife/religious and referred to the pregnancy as her baby, several times, but even so, DH said that was weird of me to say. WDYT?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I think you meant well and if I were the friend I would recognize that and not give it another thought. Don't worry you are fine.
[ Reply | Options ]http://awning-patio.s.0am.jp/index.html awning patio http://cover-furniture-patio.s.0am.jp/index.html cover furniture patio http://cushion-furniture-patio.s.0am.jp/index.html cushion furniture patio
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I had a miscarriage last year. I would not be offended, I would be touched. I think one of the things that hurts after having a miscarriage is when people kind of dismiss the lost--there will be another, things happen for a reason, etc. So recognizing that she felt it was a baby was pretty sweet, IMO.
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[-]Hollingworth Science camp parents - read your post. Fascinating. If you don't mind - what is he cost of the camp? Thanks
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It is 2200 for the month of July. It is a great camp. Yes, it is tough to get into, but for a few hours of pain, your dc can go there for the next 4 or 5 summers. And it is completely untrue and unfair to say they get a kick out of it. We've done the waiting overnight thing twice now for 2 dc and we've found them to be extremely nice and respectful.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree w/you. The admin. does not get a kick out of it. There are just more dc than the camp can accommodate, and this being NYC, the line waiting becomes another endurance trial. That said, the camp is a wonderful learning experience for dc and worth some hours of parental discomfort.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: Former Hollingworth Preschool parent here. There are much better ways they could handle the science camp sign-up that would avoid having people line up at 3am and they know it. Lisa likes it.
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but then it would be entirely chance whether your kid gets in or not. At least this way, the parent has some control over the process.
[ Reply | Options ]NNP: The process is basically only fair now to people who read UB. Normal people would show up shortly before the stated time, not at 4am. Therefore, they have no chance. It's BS.
[ Reply | Options ]actually, the Hollingworth people were the ones who first warned me that I would have to show up early. They wouldn't tell me how early, but I took it upon myself to figure it out via a UB search. I feel bad for the parents who didn't know, but there's always next year. I noticed that the two parents who arrived at 8 pm the night before were parents who showed up too late the previous year.
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Sorry, this is summer camp, anyone who is interested and able to apply within a reasonable time frame should have a shot at getting a spot for their child. It isn't a question of who is the absolutely freakiest parent who can get there 2 days before and sleep out.
[ Reply | Options ]I think you should be able to apply for summer camp in March frankly. It's New York, there are a lot of people. As a parent of kids who go there I liked knowing that I had some control about them getting in. It is an amazing camp for kids who enjoy science and I'm determined to find the money for it as long as my kids want to go there. At least you don't have to wait in line every year and they do try to make it nicer with food etc.
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np: either the lottery will suck or lining up will suck. I think it's better to let parents who really want their kids to attend to be able to do what it takes to get them in, i.e. stand in line for hours. There's a large degree of self-selection here -- kids who come from families where the parents are extremely motivated and involved and want the best for their kids. Not saying that parents who don't line up aren't like that, but the ones who do are definitely like that.
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You are one of those parents who would have to stand there 36 hours in advance if necessary, right? A lottery would put a stop to your competitiveness. How about the folks that don't have the time to stand in line like that? They are not supposed to have a shot for their children?
[ Reply | Options ]it's not competitiveness, but you're entitled to view it in the most negative light possible. It's a bunch of parents who are willing to stand in line for their kids. What's wrong with that? And we weren't in line for 36 hrs. More like 5 hrs and it was in the early morning hrs, so it's not as though most of us has other things to do (other than sleep).
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I think it's great that the parents are willing to do this, once, for their kids. It's more fair, IMO, than a lottery, which is dumb luck. Can't phone this one in. Parents aren't freaky, or not more than any other place in NYC, for sure - but it does select for families for whom this will be a longtime, valuable experience and they know it.
[ Reply | Options ]I live in NYC and think this is ridiculous. A lot of the popular summer camps fill up early (Oct-Nov-Dec). I know when I called Riverdale in Feb to get a spot for my dc that year, I was told they had been filled up in November for his age group. So the next year, I knew better and signed him up in October. Point is, why does H-worth have this line up thing? Why can't they just accept apps (in the mail) starting on X date (with an earlier date for returning campers) and then when an age group fills up, it fills up. But the middle of the night thing is just plain idiotic.
[ Reply | Options ]Hollingworth camp only has 30 spots or so for kindergarteners and they fill up in a matter of minutes, not days or weeks. And there are very few spots (1-2) for older grades. So it would be really difficult to accept apps via mail. Admission would then be left up to the efficiency, or lack thereof, of the mail service. You would have people wanting to hand delivery their apps to make sure they get in early enough, and then you'd end up with the same problem. The main issue here is the high demand for very few openings.
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[-]Claremont Prep - please give me your feedback on the school. What do you know about it? Would you send your DB there??? TIA
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]We started recently and have been very happy and feel secure there. It's a little big for us (5 kindergarten classes of 16 kids), but maybe just because we are coming from a different preschool. It has the benefits of a large school through (great afterschool program, great facilities, great extras (DC is doing half year of French twice a week, music program has them singing hard stuff (DC demonstrated warm up vocal scales they do and last week told me the song they are singing is hard and my DC has taken private music lessons for almost 2 years)), etc. Most importantly, I feel that if there were ever any issues (behavior, academic, etc), they would be there in a second to do what it takes to solve this problem. All the heads of the sch...
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only in K but seems like they have it in hand. Heard from a mom with a 1st and 3rd grader that they have weekly spelling tests. In K math they are learning place value (up to 100), coin values and equivalencies, skip counting, measuring with unifix cubes, general stuff that they prob do at all other privates I would think. They are learning about various parts of a narrative (I can't remember details too well...think it was something about how to give details in different ways, POV, things like that). Also do journals (standard I assume everywhere), handwriting without tears, etc. Also go library (a kind of big one) once a week and do swimming once a week and PE twice a week. I'm sure I'm not doing justice to teachers' efforts, but th...
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I don't get it. Dc is in kindergarten and has been taking private music lessons for almost 2 years? What does that mean?
[ Reply | Options ]My dc also just started in K and so far I am so impressed with the school. I really have a hard time imagining what more he might be getting at a "TT." His teachers are amazing-- better even than at his fancy preschool-- and the parents seem really nice. I like the headmaster very much and agree about the overall professionalism. I think the school has managed to hire very good people who really know what they're doing. It's well organized. The kids in ds' class seem nice, bright. Haven't seen any behavior issues so far. Ds loves it and we're really pleased. I would suggest checking it out if you're interested and don't give too much weight to what you read here. I haven't come across any unhappy parents there yet.
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2.5 years there. Pulled our son out. There is a culture of Bullying at that school that can no longer be ignored. 80+ families left last year. Parents were promised 2 teachers in each classroom, now it's a shared assistant without telling the families ahead of time. It's a mess, and the headmaster is professional schmoozer who is only interested in getting families to donate. He is not a problem solver, and clearly leans in the favor of the wealthiest families.
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[-]HELP! My 8 month old still wakes up twice through the night for bottles. She used to sleep through the night. I need some SLEEP! Tips?
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i cant just let her scream if, in fact, she is hungry. not only do I not WANT to let her cry, but she wakes up my hubby (who's up for work at 6am)
[ Reply | Options ]an 8 mo old does not need to eat during the night if she eats enough during the day. You can try soothing her back to sleep instead of feeding her - she may still cry a bit but your dh should be able to deal - plenty of WOHMs get up during night to deal with babies. Or at least try to get he two one bottle per night by soothing the first time and then wait for her to grow out of it.
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I don't know--if you read Weissbluth's sleep book, he says that some babies still get up 1-2x a night to eat and then go right back to sleep and that's normal...after nine months, not normal or if they don't go right back to sleep/want to play, it's not normal and is a bad habit...
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[-]bookmom/playing librarian here. Anyone need any book recs? Tell what you enjoy reading and we'll give new suggestion. Or for your kids (give gender,age,fave books).
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girl, 5, ready to be read good chapter books - but probl too young for Secret Garden, etc? Other than Ramona the Pest, what is there?
[ Reply | Options ]Try Mrs Piggle Wiggle, The BFG by Dahl, Mr. Popper's Penguins. And have you read her My Father's Dragon series yet? If you both have stamina, try The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles, too.
[ Reply | Options ]np--Rumer Godden has small chapter books that are well-written. My dd loved Mouse House and The Story of Holly and Ivy. The latter is a Christmas story. There are also the Jenny and the Cat Club books by Esther Averill. Also, don't leave picture books behind at this age. There are wonderful books (William Steig's Brave Irene; Helga's Dowry by Tomie De Paola, and Elsie Piddock Skips in her Sleep by Eleanor Farjeon have great heroines, for example.)
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6yo boy, interested in the darker side of life but hasn't been exposed to much mainstream media, trying to find gentle ways to introduce him to scarier things, not even close to ready for HP
[ Reply | Options ]I'm going to repaeat a few suggestions from above: My Father's Dragon is a good start for fantasy..not too heavy and try Dick King Smith's The Waterhorse. Dahl has a wicked sens eof absurdity..like a naugthy school boy. The BFG is one of my favorites by him. And if you haven't tried it yet, how about CXharlotte's Web. These are all books for you to read together.
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2.3 yo girl, totally digs Bartholemew (sp?) and the Oobleck, Where the Sidewalk Ends, The Missing Piece Meets the Big O, Yertle the Turtle. We've also done Blueberries for Sal so many times she's bored.
[ Reply | Options ]op: lots of classics! Try The Rain Came Down, The Dragon Machine, Bats at the Beach (and Bats at the Library), The Reluctant Dragon,The Gardner, Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten by Slater(fun rhymes and letter sounds and great before starting pre-school) and of course, Caps for Sale
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6 yo liked Harry Potter (1&2), Chronicles of Narnia, Little House series, Wrinkle in Time. Did not love Pippi Longstocking. Is interested in Ella Enchanted, Little Princess, loves Bow to the Moon and Trumpet of the Swan. What else? TIA!
[ Reply | Options ]The Ordinary Princess by MM Kaye, All of a Kind Family by Sidney Taylor, Betsy Tacy By Lovelace, Igraine the Brave and if you have good stamina for a much longer book Dragon Rider (both by Funke)
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you!! I heard about Percy and Olympian? Is that a good book? Dc reads independently but likes longer books now and is into fantasy. Or about animals in fiction.
[ Reply | Options ]OP This book works much better for an older kid as it deal with middle school issues. I bet she would love Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, but again. pretty long and complicated Other fun fantasy that is still age appropriate: Indian in the Cupboard, Tales of Deperaux, Eddie Eager's books (starting with Half Magic). I'll re-emphasize Sisters Grimm Series. And consider Gregor the Overlander.
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OP: a few ideas for you. If you were intrigued by "circus" life, Geek Love is a classic, but a bit freaky about a family where the parents intentionally create children to be in the Freak show. If you prefer historical fiction , try Loving Frank....about Frank Lloyd Wright and his Mistress, from her perspective. For an interesting outlier..a bit Dickensian, but much easier to read, try The Good Thief by Hannah Tinti
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Rec. for me. I love Phillip Roth - especially Everyman, American Pastoral. Would like something along those lines...
[ Reply | Options ]op: I love Roth also. My personal fave is THe Plot Against America (not typical Roth, I know), followed closely by American Pastoral. Have you read any Richard Russo? I rec. Bridge of Sighs. Great family saga. YOu might also consider The Story of Edgart Sawtelle. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this books (desite being an Oprah pick). Updike is a natural choice for you as well. If you haven't read his Witches of Eastwick, do so. Nothing like the silly movie it inspired.
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[-]is there an urbanbaby like site thats more downtown oriented? just curious
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[-]My husband want to get the H1N1 vaccine for my ds but I feel concerned about it...all my dr. friends are not giving it to their kids. Do they know something I don't? What are you all doing?
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look at the amount of babies/small children that have died of h1n1 since april in comparison to the regular flu (REALLY, LOOK IT UP.) then run your mouth.
[ Reply | Options ]look at how many babies and small children die from other flu strains. Dude, H1N1 is a flu. The body reacts to it. Everybody is different. The only disadvantage we have is that it is an entirely brand new strain (well, not quite but close enough) and if you get it you'll get sick, no way around it. Kids and small children will always get hit the hardest. That's not H1N1 specific, though.
[ Reply | Options ]dude? wow. are you speaking from actual facts? If a person was interested in how lethal h1n1 is on babies (in comparison to regular flu, not compared to other people) they would look it up and see that, since april, h1n1 has taken the lives of DOUBLE the amount of the regular seasonal flues, through the WHOLE YEAR, combined. clearly, it's hitting much harder then regular flu. Dude.
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The mortality rate of H1N1 is not any worse than any of the other flu strains. Yes, H1N1 seems to infect the younger folks more but that doesn't make H1N1 more lethal.
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My DH is an ER doc. Having seen the kids who got hit the hardest, he called in favors to get our DD the HINI vaccine.
[ Reply | Options ]A dad from our school said their pediatrician actually advised against it. Not sure why, I think he said it just wasn't that bad. Having said that, I disagree and had DC get both seasonal flu and H1N1 mist vaccine, and I had no hesitation in doing so.
[ Reply | Options ]i don't know why any doctor would not give it to their own children. you have to look at the actual arguments on each side, not just go by what other people do and their vague reasons. for me it was pretty straightforward: there have been NO adverse reactions to the vaccine, there have been many deaths/serious illnesses from the swine flu.
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[-]Westport CT moms - Does anyone know the going rate for a daytime occasional babysitter for 2 kids (baby to toddler)? W/e evening babysitter? Housekeeper (really cleaning lady) who comes 1x/week to a 4bd house?
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[-]I hate people who don't like to try new or culturally different food. It really tells me a lot about who they are and I lose respect for them.
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OK. Because someone might be a wonderfully caring friend who constantly goes out of her way to help other people, and a lovely, intelligent, person who is fun to be around, but you know, if she's a picky eater, it's just appalling and you really should "hate" her and get her out of your life as soon as possible.
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Fine, might sound judgemental but I'm coming from a point of view of someone who is not American and when I offer food from my country of origin, I find that there are two different responses. Those who eagerly try and the ones who make a face and decline (or reluctantly take a teeny tiny bit). I've seen this enough all my life and have made my own very unscientific conclusion about these types of people and I'm usually right in my own very personal judgement.
[ Reply | Options ]You are correct that people who make a face or are reluctant are likely not especially adventurous people in general and may not rush into trying new things. If that's what you value, great. To me, that's way down the list -- after being a very kind and considerate person and someone with whom I'm able to have an intelligent conversation and who is generally happy and fun to be around.
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I don't like to travel internationally or dine at nice restaurants with these people, and maybe don't do teh fancy dinenr parties with them as a guest, but hate is kind of a strong word-
[ Reply | Options ]my brother is like this. he thinks panda express is "too fancy" and only eats kfc, burger king, and mcdonalds. i've never seen him eat a fruit. he's not fat at all either, he's 6 ft and 140 lbs. he always orders plain cheese pizza, plain vanilla ice cream, etc. i get so bored just looking at it!! it matches with his personality too, he's a very loyal friend, nice guy, but doesn't like to travel, meet new people. He has all the same friends since childhood and does the exact same thing everyday. I have met a few people like this, and the funny thing is whenever i ask "is your fave ice cream vanilla" they are so shocked, like i am a clairvoyant or something. Anyway, I would go nuts if my spouse was 'boring' like this, seriously i can't stand...
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Well first of all hate is a strong word. Why would you dislike someone because they don't want to try new food, seems odd. Since you are so ethnically superior then go to Japan and try their squid ice cream. That's right, they have it and the people LOVE it.
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[-]my friend got caught having an affair. pain to her dh, her child etc is enormous. not that she doesnt deserve blame/ridicule. but kills me that the guy gets away with it while her life falls apart.
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Well that should answer many women's question about what to do if they catch dh has an affair. Apparently consensus seems majority of men won't forgive. Why should women?
[ Reply | Options ]i think women tend to look the other way far more than men do. i cant believe the number of women i know who admit they think their dh has had affairs but they like their life and so they stay silent.
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so true. I work at a hedge fund and over heard a cpl partners talking about another analyst getting divorced. youd think the guy won lotto. they were green with envy
[ Reply | Options ]Of course, for men getting married is losing the race for women its winning it. Men would love another shot to race the horses.
[ Reply | Options ]whats funny is that they ALL have the same complaint- they feel like their wives chased them- wooed them and as soon as they got them they do nothing. you know things are bad when these guys say "i dont care about the money i just want out".
[ Reply | Options ]I am a lawyer, 80% of the men want out but every year they hold off to see where they can put their money or if they can shift it somewhere during a year they make a small bonus. Sad.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: Wow, you all have a pretty cynical view of marriage! Most of the guys in my family, my male friends, and the men I work with are pretty happy in their marriages. Including the ones in finance! I don't think marriage is easy for anyone, but a lot of people really value companionship and love their families. I don't understand this wives chasing men and then doing nothing thing... I guess among my friends, both members of the couple work and help take care of the kids, so nobody is "doing nothing."
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, friends with a lot of male coworkers. And we work long hours and talk about lots of things. Marriage problems definitely come up, but like the women I work with, in most cases men want to work on the problems and stay in the relationships they are in. To assume that most men are just biding their time until they can bolt seems unrealistic to me!
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Either the fakest post or pointless anyway BUT i can't resist: OP,The man isn't married to her family or mother to her children. The saddest part of such stupid betrayal is how the 'other person' is simply highlighted as NOT being part of THEIR life. The guy/man/other/doesn't play into the ugliest problems.
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[-]picky eater advice! 17 mo dd has become the pickiest eater. one thing she will eat is applegate farms nitrate free, antibiotic free turkey breast. how bad is this is? dinner tonite: turkey and blueberries!
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[-]How do you know if a soul of someone who died is truly at peace?
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[-]Have you ever met some parents, and thought hope my dc never becomes friends with their kids? I've met quite a few and think it's sad that I came to the conclusion within minutes of meeting them ... some people are just plain WEIRD
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]this year ds and I have been on the same page. all the kids he has mentioned liking seem to have parents that I like. I guess the apples are not falling far from the trees.
[ Reply | Options ]There is so far only one mom who I do not care for in my dc's class. Our children play together often at school. My thought is to kill her with kindness. I don't want to be her friend, but she does not have to know that, especially if our children get along well.
[ Reply | Options ]So we're new to the school this year, and one mom asked me who I was - I told her I was ds' mom. She said Girl or boy? I said Boy - she said "Oh - my daughter only knows girls". Sheesh. Who says that? I mean it doesn't matter what sex your dc is, he/she should be able to recognize that there is an addition to their class.
[ Reply | Options ]That could have been me. I think she's just apologizing for not knowing who you are because her dd doesn't ever talk about kids of the opposite sex, and maybe you just didn't register at that moment. I've done that and then felt REALLY badly afterwards because it was at dropoff and I wasn't caffeinated....
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