[-]Annual fund question: is it common for a school to send out different versions of the letter asking for donations? some got a letter asking for 500 dollars (not financial aid family) others 5000. how do they know how much money people have/want to give? does this seem right to you?
37 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Good fundraising mentions a specific amount. A good fundraiser knows what to ask for.
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They know based on previous donations. It's common to have a targeted process and I don't really see a problem with it. I used to to fund raising for my college and it was the same in that we had people whom we called and asked for amounts based on what the giving history was.
[ Reply | Options ]Yep, fundraisers assess a lot of public info to draw conclusions about what a family might give (i.e. property values, what other orgs they give to, employer, etc.).
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I am sure we get googled if they are serious about a family. They do not want any embarrassing pasts.
[ Reply | Options ]Hijack: how much googling takes place? I mean, if my wonderful dh has major criminal conviction in his past (which you would find from some skillful Internet searching) then are we totally out of luck? Should I disclose to the school? (ps it's bad)
[ Reply | Options ]Maybe in the meantime he could become a major donor somewhere instead, to mitigate the bad stuff.
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np And if you're not getting FA, they'll call to see what you'll give. It's not complicated.
[ Reply | Options ]we got FA, and we still got the call. It was expected that everyone give something, and the amounts were not published, just whether you gave.
[ Reply | Options ]op: that's not what happened. they targeted different people for different amounts, without ever talking to us
[ Reply | Options ]the schools all have development offices and this is what they do for a living. they target people based on past giving history and if there is no history, they base it on whatever information they can find - addresses, jobs, publicly listed donations, etc. if you work at Goldman Sachs, they will target you for a different number than someone who is a lawyer at a non-profit.
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[-]HELP! My 8 month old still wakes up twice through the night for bottles. She used to sleep through the night. I need some SLEEP! Tips?
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i cant just let her scream if, in fact, she is hungry. not only do I not WANT to let her cry, but she wakes up my hubby (who's up for work at 6am)
[ Reply | Options ]an 8 mo old does not need to eat during the night if she eats enough during the day. You can try soothing her back to sleep instead of feeding her - she may still cry a bit but your dh should be able to deal - plenty of WOHMs get up during night to deal with babies. Or at least try to get he two one bottle per night by soothing the first time and then wait for her to grow out of it.
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I don't know--if you read Weissbluth's sleep book, he says that some babies still get up 1-2x a night to eat and then go right back to sleep and that's normal...after nine months, not normal or if they don't go right back to sleep/want to play, it's not normal and is a bad habit...
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[-]I hate people who don't like to try new or culturally different food. It really tells me a lot about who they are and I lose respect for them.
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OK. Because someone might be a wonderfully caring friend who constantly goes out of her way to help other people, and a lovely, intelligent, person who is fun to be around, but you know, if she's a picky eater, it's just appalling and you really should "hate" her and get her out of your life as soon as possible.
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Fine, might sound judgemental but I'm coming from a point of view of someone who is not American and when I offer food from my country of origin, I find that there are two different responses. Those who eagerly try and the ones who make a face and decline (or reluctantly take a teeny tiny bit). I've seen this enough all my life and have made my own very unscientific conclusion about these types of people and I'm usually right in my own very personal judgement.
[ Reply | Options ]You are correct that people who make a face or are reluctant are likely not especially adventurous people in general and may not rush into trying new things. If that's what you value, great. To me, that's way down the list -- after being a very kind and considerate person and someone with whom I'm able to have an intelligent conversation and who is generally happy and fun to be around.
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I don't like to travel internationally or dine at nice restaurants with these people, and maybe don't do teh fancy dinenr parties with them as a guest, but hate is kind of a strong word-
[ Reply | Options ]my brother is like this. he thinks panda express is "too fancy" and only eats kfc, burger king, and mcdonalds. i've never seen him eat a fruit. he's not fat at all either, he's 6 ft and 140 lbs. he always orders plain cheese pizza, plain vanilla ice cream, etc. i get so bored just looking at it!! it matches with his personality too, he's a very loyal friend, nice guy, but doesn't like to travel, meet new people. He has all the same friends since childhood and does the exact same thing everyday. I have met a few people like this, and the funny thing is whenever i ask "is your fave ice cream vanilla" they are so shocked, like i am a clairvoyant or something. Anyway, I would go nuts if my spouse was 'boring' like this, seriously i can't stand...
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Well first of all hate is a strong word. Why would you dislike someone because they don't want to try new food, seems odd. Since you are so ethnically superior then go to Japan and try their squid ice cream. That's right, they have it and the people LOVE it.
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[-]Private Schools in San Diego? Moving in June - just got big job offer. DD - 3rd grader & DS - 6th grader. Applying to Bishop's, Francis Parker, & La Jolla Country Day; any other suggestions/ideas -- local rep/stereotypes? Friend of a friend suggested Pacific Ridge for son (head is old Horace Mann Head??)
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Oh, for heaven's sake--nobody goes to private school in San Diego! It's not New York! Move to a good public school district (e.g., Bird Rock Elementary, La Jolla Elementary, etc.) and be done with it. Muirlands Jr. High and La Jolla High are just fine and will get your dc's into decent schools. (Actually, as others have pointed out, they will probably have a better shot at Ivy's, etc. than all the NYC kids, just for the sake of diversity.) Your taxes will more than equal private school tuition here. If you really want private, go with Bishop's (a very nice Episcopal semi-boarding school) or Frances Parker (where the smart kids go).
[ Reply | Options ]Pacific Ridge is the model for Zoey 101, and LJ Country Day is for really dumb rich kids.
[ Reply | Options ]Actually, people DO go to privates in SD--depends on where you live. La Jolla & Carlsbad schools are good, but other districts are spotty. Private is a safe option--especially given the economic hardship of the state/localities. My family lives in Encinitas and Carlsbad and have houses in "good" school zones, but many of my high school friends send their dcs to privates. Don't let people on this board tell you otherwise!
[ Reply | Options ]I hate to burst everyone's bubbles but the public schools in San Diego are not uniformly great. I am more familiar with high schools as a former college admissions person but I would say that they are big and hurting because of the economy. I would send my kids to private if we could afford it.
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[-]Anyone ever dye their hair from bright blonde to dark blonde/light brown? no time/extra money to get to the salon before vacation this weekend and roots are BAD! my natural color is dark blonde, looking to get closer to my natural color. have previously dyed my hair on my own, but never light to dark. any tips?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]try clairol perfect 10, and go no more than 2 shades darker than your current color. light to dark is much easier to do at home than dark to light.
[ Reply | Options ]if your hair is highlighted, then dying it at home can be precarious bc highlighted hair is already treated and won't take new color the same way as the untreated hair. so you could end up with a mix of colors on your head. i would be more inclined to go someplace that can sqeeze you in for a quick touch up, then to mess w it at home.
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[-]i was thinking about showing my db "horton hears a wh " and/or "the aristocats". is this to mature for a 3yo?
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[-]I married the wrong man. His family is socio economically lower than mine. I thought he was different but I was wrong. Now that we have kids, I don't want my kids to be exposed to their mediocrity. It would be different if they were at least nice people but they're not. Is the old adage still true? Its easier for men to marry down but not for women.
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Did you create this post just to start a flame war, or are you really this awful? If you have such high SES, than I imagine you would be able to spell socioeconomic correctly. Do you suppose that your husband is concerned about your spelling mediocrity rubbing off on your children?
[ Reply | Options ]No. Just feeling sad. I'm from a good family and never thought about these things before. I married my husband because I thought he was special and different and that his family didn't matter but he's turned out to be very different person from who I married. Hasn't worked and is dependent on my family's money. His family is cold and uncaring and their values are so different. I'm sure my husband has bigger concerns than my spelling mediocrity. We have a marriage in crisis.
[ Reply | Options ]I think if your marriage is in crisis, you should try out counseling. Sometimes it can really make a difference. It might help your DH to hear from a third party that he needs to do something that gives his life purpose. But if you keep bringing up your family's money, either out loud or just by thinking about it, your relationship will have no chance of working. When you got married, your money became his money too. It is totally emasculating for a man to be in that position, and you are going to have to figure out how both of you can live with that imbalance. Emphasizing it is the worst thing you can do.
[ Reply | Options ]So true... but so difficult. Hence my original question: is it easier for men to marry down than v/v. Isn't that the old adage? Men marry down, women marry up. There's some truth and wisdom to that. God, I hate myself for saying this. I thought I was the independent liberated woman but I'm still stuck on crap like this.
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I'm from a "good family" too, so I know what that really means. In mine,we weren't raised to rate peple as you have done. Somehow, your seem damaged by your own choices & difficulties and are using your spouse's family as the reason. Blame and excuses are immature and understandable in young kids. In adults, they often signal mediocrity in character.
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There are plenty of rich, mediocre jerks. Want me to list some? What does his family's wealth have to do with your dislike of his family? I would worry more about what your attitudes are doing to your kids.
[ Reply | Options ]Your In-laws' mediocrity might be a good antidote for your kids to your superiority. It sounds like there might be more to your marital issues than just this. Find a well-heeled, highly credentialed therapist.
[ Reply | Options ]A lot of women want to marry up. Face it, that is a reality. I was never aggressive about this and I thought you were supposed to marry for love. I married young and I sort of gambled on my husband, in a way. Now I'm older and reality is sinking in, and its more difficult to overcome. When I mention socioeconomics, I don't really mean poor/rich but more about core values in life (from simple things like what you eat) I can see how my original post can be a bit skewed but I just felt like venting. We all have horrible thoughts that lie dormant and never surface. Anonymity can decrease your inhibition.
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that is a good question, but my criteria are honesty and heart rather than money and fake civility. did you or he marry "down" given those criteria?
[ Reply | Options ]Can't believe you meant for your post to sound the way it did, but manners, culture, sophistication are a function of upbringing not class. Well-read, highly cultured people come from every socio-economic level. IME I've found no lack of extremely wealthy unsophisticated buffoons. You may not share the same background or life experiences and this is what's causing a rift but you aren't presenting yourself in the best light either.
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You could say that I married up. My parents were immigrants and didn't speak English, but worked their tails off to provide for our family. We never had expensive vacations,and we rarely went out to dinner, but we had love, stability, a home (which my parents proudly purchased once they could afford it), we went to college (not fancy ones, but we all have our BAs). My dh family was very wealthy, all extremely educated, however, mental illness runs in their family. fil was abusive to mil and kids (not physical but everything else). doctors, attorneys, lawyers.. you name it. Let me tell you, their family is a total miserable mess. dh also suffers from mental illness and, sadly, so is mine now. just sharing, don't know if this makes yo...
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I believe I married the wrong man also. It's not, though, because of mediocrity, but more because he retains this very poor 'look we have money, let's spend it' thinking that makes it very difficult to save. I'm not a great saver by any stretch, which wasn't that important to me until we had ds. Now, I care more and I'm shocked that he doesn't. We rent and to him that is fine, because we already have so much more than he did and will be able to offer son much more then he had. But it's not the level of stability I want to provide.
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[-]mommies, how did/do you get rid of stretch marks? creams didnt work. only on my lower belly. wont get tummy tuck.
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help! after 10 years in nyc, dh & i just moved with our 5 month ds to el torro, ca to be closer to family and i am having a very hard time adjusting. we did baby friendly yoga and belonged to a wonderful mom's group in ny, but 2 months in, i have yet to find any such groups near us and i am going stir crazy at home all day with a baby. anyone know where to look or have any suggestions of where to make new friends? i feel so lame. never thought i'd be trolling for new friends in my mid 30's as if i were back in high school...
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[-]How big was your engagement ring? Have you upgraded since?
68 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]1.2 carats. nope, love it. it's not HUGE, but it's good sized, but I can still wear it everyday and not feel awkward. perfect. DHs colleagues gave him a hard time for getting less than 2, but I am in a profession that would make that... awkward? I wanted to be able to wear it all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]Mine is 0.75ct but perfect. Would never upgrade it. When dh asked if I wanted an eternity ring I decided to have a vacation instead
[ Reply | Options ]Mine was .6ct center plus .5ct side stones. I did initially want a bigger center but would never tell him of course and the ring itself is beautiful. However two weeks ago he asked for it back so he can "do something to it" so I'm guessing he's in the process of upgrading it since I'm not sure what else he'd be doing with it.
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Married 25 years when I upgraded. My dh has worked hard and continues to do better each each year. My taste changed and styles changed, and I wanted a different shaped stone. I wouldn't trade in my first stone. I wear it as a necklace and get tons of compliments on it.
[ Reply | Options ]nice. i know i sound shallow, and i do love my 1 carat ring and simple setting that i chose, but i look forward to one day upgrading for a significant anniversary. married 7 years.
[ Reply | Options ]If dh makes more money now and wants to buy bigger diamonds, then why not? I do not think it is tacky.
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yeah, I'm trying to figure out why you'd upgrade an engagement ring...is sentiment dead?
[ Reply | Options ]I disagree. Lots of couples start off without money or kids, and hope that, together, they will prosper financially and that their family will grow. Ring is a symbol of that commitment. In that sense, it never gets old. But its also a piece of jewelry, and, while you were proud of your new Volkswagen when you got it, now you want to drive a BMer. And DH is proud to be able to buy the BMer. What's the virtue of wearing the Volkswagen? To show that you were once not wealthy?
[ Reply | Options ]you clearly were fortunate enough to start out with some nice bling. some of us are not so lucky.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree. I loved my half carat ring ring bc of what it symbolized, but at the time we were both students and damn near broke. Now 7 years later we make $500k a year and I don't see why it's so tacky to want a ring bigger than 1 carat.
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For some people it has a lot of meaning - about how far you have come together. My aunt has what some would call a speck of diamond dust for her engagement ring. My uncle was enlisted in the Marines when he proposed. Almost 50 years later, they are still happily married, retired multi-millionaires (he ran one of the big management consulting firms for years), and she still wears that tiny engagement ring. She has a mountain of other jewelry he's given her over the years, but she wouldn't trade that engagement ring for all of it, because it reminds them of what they had when they started out - each other and not much more.
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2 carat center, 3 carats total, an old family piece, never had it resized for my finger because it could mess with the prong tightness (lots of little rocks on this thing). currently needs to go back to the shop for the second time, stone fell out again when ring got mishapened (lifting up stroller, first time was from lumber work). the jeweller has already scolded me that "these rings don't last forever, you have to take care of it", i was like huh?, that's what the whole de beer's ad campaign is all about! anyways, this ring wasn't meant for a woman who has to do her own home improvement and lift strollers up and down subways.
[ Reply | Options ]1ct. DH proposed while we were both in school and the ring is beautiful, but for the first 5 years I secretly wished it was bigger. All of my friends that were engaged after school ended up with 2.5-4ct rocks and I was jealous. An interesting thing happened after our DD was born--I realized that I didn't need the ring as a status symbol. Not to be cheesy, but having a happy and healthy family completely took precedent and I just don't care about how big my ring is.
[ Reply | Options ]Several older women commented to me early on that "I could always upgrade later, when we were more established" or whatever. Made me NEVER want to trade my ring in for a bigger one. It wasn't about the size of the diamond. That it was for them, after so many years of marriage, made me sad for them.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA, it just seems weird to me that a the size continues to matter to some people, though I know in certain circles its simly expected that a ring will be big.
[ Reply | Options ]middle easterners have the biggest rocks, and the most uninteresting settings. it's all simply about size, not aesthetics.
[ Reply | Options ]I think the size means different things to different people. For a while I felt like a 2ct was the minimum requirement and that DH should have sprung for something bigger, but in retrospect, the extra 20k that he chose not to spend went to things that we much more meaningful to us (down payment and a trip to Asia). Don't get me wrong, I think diamonds are beautiful but I just don't think it defines me.
[ Reply | Options ]see, mine is 1ct, and i know that dh didn't know anything about 2ct being some insane nyc minimum, and only after we were engaged did he start to notice larger rings on his df's wives fingers and make comments. so i feel like he would have bought a larger one had he thought about it!
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dh me a 1.2 carat at the time and it is really beautiful still wear it. Around 5 years later gave me an amazing 3 carat colored diamond as a gift. I wear still wear both (at different times of course!) I am not much of a jewelry person but a truely love both rings and what each represents.
[ Reply | Options ]2.2, Love it, would never "upgrade.," that is just totally tacky. if one day DH can afford to buy me more expensive diamonds (not that this one was cheap, by any standard!), the great, Ill have gorgeous necklace, or 3ct diamond earrings. my ring is what he gave me when he proposed and Ill never even change the setting! its sentimental and perfect. (evenif our marriage is not always perfect. but different vent for different day. oh well.)
[ Reply | Options ]Mine is a sapphire with diamonds, which is what I always wanted. Estate, so much cheaper. Sapphire is 8 carats but looks much smaller because it is deep. My problem is that the sapphire chipped (doing home repair) and I want to have the stone re-cut and the ring re-set but I just can't bear to touch it!!!!!
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~2 ct. I haven't "upgraded" but plan to . I think it is the opposite of tacky. It's saying that I want to re-commit to this marriage and we can afford a more extravagant symbol of that.
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[-]anyone have experience with the g-shot or vaginal rejuvination? (not looking for an argument with sanctimommies. just looking for information.)
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[-]what is the area on the lower back, around the upper part of your buttocks? I have pain here but I don't think its classic hip pain (wouldn't hip pain be on the sides?) anyways, I wake up every morning and I'm in so much pain, I can't even bend over to pick something up. No reason or injury for pain. Am I just getting old?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]if it gets better when you move around it sounds like degenerative spine disease - you can get an MRI of the lumbar spine or just do yoga, swimming etc. If it gets steadily worse, wakes you up at night, or you have trouble feeling any part of your legs, moving any part of your legs, peeing or pooping go to a doctor ASAP. It is called the iliac crest BTW.
[ Reply | Options ]the pain does not shoot down my legs. and the pain dulls a bit after i move around, although it doesn't completely go away. thanks for all the replies, smart mommies. i'm going to go to the dr. just to be on the safe side
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[-]Los Angeles Moms: We are thinking about moving to LA (Silverlake, Los Feliz area). If I send my DC to LAUSD k-5 elementary school (like Ivanhoe), what are my options afterwards? A lot of private middle/high school options seem to start 7-12. trying for LAUSD magnet and then apply to private for 9-12?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Sorry, it post too soon. What do most people do? Try for magnet then apply for privates for 9-12?
[ Reply | Options ]I'm in LA and my DD is in K at a private school. People do apply to the k-6 schools for 6th grade and sometimes there are openings because people move away. A lot of people apply for 4th grade because, as I understand it, the public schools change a lot at 4th grade (classes getting bigger, I think).
[ Reply | Options ]I ran out of space...if you are moving to Los Feliz/Silverlake I would strongly advise you to apply to The Center For Early Education for kindergarten. First of all, it is the only school near that area (those areas are FAR to the East). Most people will tell you that "nobody" gets into the Center and it is very hard to get into but they value diversity and interesting circumstances (so a move from NY to LA might interest them especially if you are choosing Los Feliz---this might be seen as more "interesting" than the typical LA Westside families.) Even if you don't get in for kindergarten they keep you in the "pool" and you can keep meeting with them and expressing your interest in case a spot opens.
[ Reply | Options ]thanks for the reply! I will look into the Center for Early Education. are you on the westside? was the private school admission process crazy for you and your DD? Also, my DD has a mid Aug. birthday. it seems like most LA area private schools have early summer cut off dates vs. LAUSD which is a Dec cut off date. Not sure if i want to hold her back as I have a 2nd DC who is 2 years younger and would rather have them be 2 school years apart as well.
[ Reply | Options ]The cut off dates do tend to be earlier in the summer...some people have DC do a gift year at a public school and then have them repeat K at private (2 children in DD's class did this). The admissions process is insane, much like NY. Very stressful. There are a lot of different types of schools here so it limits your choices. Beware, Progressive here can be VERY progressive. The Center is probably more akin to a NY progressive school but out here it is not as progressive as many. BTW, it isn't that my DD goes to The Center and I'm not trying to sell the school it is just with Los Felis you don't have a lot of options. Oh, I just remembered! Cambell Hall is a school you shoulc look at too. It is very accessable from Los Feliz area. ...
[ Reply | Options ]thank you so much for the insights. good to know about the progressive range... i would lean toward less progressive schools. i have heard about turning point, is that considered very progressive? if we were to move to the westside, i guess the we'd have a lot more options. are you and your DD happy with your choice?
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[-]Is it better to fly business class or buy two seats in economy when flying with an infant? Will be flying with my 2 month old for first time and don't know wether to buy a business class ticket or 2 seats in coach. Which is better? I'm jut thinking that in business there will not be a place to put her car seat. Thanks
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absolutley not true. if you bought one coach seat you might have to (although sometimes they are nice. usually not though). with a business seat you can usually bring not only your car seat on board, but a compact stroller too! (like if you have a graco snap n go or bugaboo chassis you can throw either in the closet!)
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How long is the flight? Why not two business class seats. It will make the trip even better.
[ Reply | Options ]against other's advice... i say go for the business seat. at that age they will want to be held all the time. wear them in an ergo/bjorn/sling except during takeoff/landing when you should nurse or give a pacifier or bottle and flight attendants will want you to hold them. car seats are free luggage and come off first, especially if it's a snap n go, then it's a stroller/car seat to help you get through the airport
[ Reply | Options ]Get two seats. Are you seriously just "thinking" that there wouldn't be a free spot in business class for the car seat? Do you think business class comes with extra seats?
[ Reply | Options ]I asked my ped this question and she was adament about getting 2 seats. There have been cases when sudden turbulence has caused small children to become projectiles. My experience is that children are much happier andmore comfortable in their own carseat and more likely to fall asleep.
[ Reply | Options ]I've done both. You don't have to check the car seat. I would let db sleep on the floor in the car seat. Didn't help in terms of safety but db was comfy and I had tons of space. And a quieter bathroom to change baby etc. With two seats, you can use the car seat for real, but when db is awake, it's squishy. In any case, these days I'd do single coach ticket. You almost always get two seats.
[ Reply | Options ]wow people are so off here. 100k+ miles/yr flyer here. YOU DO NOT NEED TO CHECK THE CARSEAT IF YOU BUY ONE BUSINESS CLASS SEAT. you can put it in teh closet until takeoff and then very comfortably put it by your feet for the remander of hte flight. i would go with one business seat over 2 coach seats hands down for an infant. for a toddler who needs space and wants to color and move, id say 2 coach seats. but business for infant hands down.
[ Reply | Options ]NP. Would the other members of business class mind if your baby freaked out? I've always been advised not to do this because business class is pretty child unfriendly...
[ Reply | Options ]TWO SEATS. Think about it. Baby will most likely not stay asleep for long in your arms, and will be squirmy when awake. You can't go to the bathroom, have a sip of water. If it was a 2 hour flight ok. But for 5+ hours you will both be more comfortable, and safer in two. Baby should fall fast asleep at least for a large chunk of flight due to altitude, humming, motion, leaving you free to actually relax for a few minutes.
[ Reply | Options ]and if you are in coach, seats 13D and F, and the bathroom is behind 34, are you really gonna leave your 2 month old strapped in while you make your way to the back? time walking: 30 seconds. time in line (potentially) 3 minutes. time in bathroom, 1 min. total time away 5 minutes. I wouldnt! but if I were in business, and seated in 2D, I would run to the bathroom by the cockpit. total time away - to get there, <10 seconds. time inside, 1 minute. time to return, <10 seconds. major difference.
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not in my experience. first class intl is child unfriendly (sometimes, if they are toddlers and run around). business class domestic is just fine. if someone has a problem with a crying baby, they need to charter a private plane. crying 2 month olds are not loud, and trust me (since like I said, I fly alot), are far less annoying than obese seatmates whose asses spill over into your seat or who hog the armrest, smelly people, or loud obnoxious half drunk passengers.
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Your baby is only 2 months. All mine did was nurse, sleep & gaze sweetly into my eyes. When they cried it was because they wanted to eat, sleep or be changed. The bjorn or other carrier is the BEST for flying at that age. I flew regularly LA/NY & always used the bjorn up until 10 months, especially when flying without dh. I always had a carseat on the other end (rental or relatives). Don't lug a car seat in cabin & no need for extra seat. Do go biz class though
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