[-]This sounds like a dumb question, but I really need answers. What does it mean to "work hard" at making a marriage good? I'm trying to figure out whether DH and I just need to work at our marriage to make it better, or if it's just done. If you could please give me examples of how couples "work" to make a marriage good, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]"work" is what I always hear to, but I think if it actually seems like labor (not the birthing kind), something is off. Effort/maintenance and compromise, yes - I think a big part of it is letting stuff go, i.e., your way is not always the right way, not getting hung up on stupid nitpicky things that in the grand scheme of things aren't important, not trying (too hard) to change things that you were well aware of when entering into relationship.
[ Reply | Options ]acting like husband/wife and not like roomates. praising and supporting each other. not getting angry about the small stuff. anticipating each other's needs, like making dh's favorite meal or getting him his favorite snack out of the blue just cuz you love him. oh yes, and having sex most of the time that he asks.
[ Reply | Options ]Actively communicating with your spouse. I don't mean hi/bye. But communicating about all things that concern you. Making a conscience decision to not harbor anger but to discuss your feelings. Listen to your spouses feelings. If there are issues to not push them under the rug for fear of someone blowing up or tuning you out, but actually discussing the issues. Then coming up with solutions that work for both parties.
[ Reply | Options ]it is hard work but i would suggest that an active sex life is both a foundation and symptom of a good marriage. also, listening to the other is critical. it's easy to tune each other out over time but you have to pay attention to what is important to THEM, not just you. even if you aren't really interested, you must recognize that listening is an investment you make in the relationship. it's cliche, but women look for fixer uppers and hope their dhs will become what they want them to and men think dw won't change at all. you have to stay interested in each other and that takes discipline and effort
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]Have you ever met some parents, and thought hope my dc never becomes friends with their kids? I've met quite a few and think it's sad that I came to the conclusion within minutes of meeting them ... some people are just plain WEIRD
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]this year ds and I have been on the same page. all the kids he has mentioned liking seem to have parents that I like. I guess the apples are not falling far from the trees.
[ Reply | Options ]There is so far only one mom who I do not care for in my dc's class. Our children play together often at school. My thought is to kill her with kindness. I don't want to be her friend, but she does not have to know that, especially if our children get along well.
[ Reply | Options ]So we're new to the school this year, and one mom asked me who I was - I told her I was ds' mom. She said Girl or boy? I said Boy - she said "Oh - my daughter only knows girls". Sheesh. Who says that? I mean it doesn't matter what sex your dc is, he/she should be able to recognize that there is an addition to their class.
[ Reply | Options ]That could have been me. I think she's just apologizing for not knowing who you are because her dd doesn't ever talk about kids of the opposite sex, and maybe you just didn't register at that moment. I've done that and then felt REALLY badly afterwards because it was at dropoff and I wasn't caffeinated....
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]Women who have had high risk pregnancies, please recommend a GREAT maternal-fetal medicine dr. in the city. This will be my 2nd preg., I wasn't crazy about my first MFM doctor.
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]-
-
Thank you very much. Let me also add that I am high risk for two reasons- #1 I'll be 36 when I TTC and #2 I have epilepsy and take anti-epileptic drugs. Everything worked out great the first time, but I'm looking for a kinder, more attentive practice as I'm a few years older now. If anyone has epilepsy + over 35, I would appriciate feedback! TIA
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Dr. Hutson, privileges at Cornell. Only one other doctor in the practice, Dr. Kessler. Edersheim was my OB for #1, and then retried from this practice last summer. But I really like Hutson, who was actually the one who delivered ds. I am trying for a VBAC and they've been supportive. Good Luck!
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
-
[-]Anyone know the NY family legal system well? I'm not in a relationship with my baby's father. I dont agree with his lifestyle at all and he is not responsible, wont get a real full time job etc (because apparently he is destined to be famous- ha!). I want to get child support - even tho he probably wont give me much since he wont work and I have a very good income - but I still need help!
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]file for support. just understand that he has parental rights too. (and don't make fun of the man, you had a kid with him)
[ Reply | Options ]I kept my baby because I love her... I 'had a kid with him' because I really liked that bottle of wine. I think men who refuse to step up and take on responsibility of any kind are kind of a joke.
[ Reply | Options ]Please its the same with divorce. My ex DH turned out to be a loser, you never know sometimes
[ Reply | Options ]
Well, since you think he is so bad, why would you want to open the door for possible visitation rights with db? I am in same situation, and did not pursue $ from father, as I did not want dc to be with him at all. And he has never wanted to see dc, so it makes life simpler for me.
[ Reply | Options ]didn't know if there was a way to get financial support but only have to give limited/supervised limitation. He wants visitation but not any responsibility.
[ Reply | Options ]Well, no judge is going to take your word that he is unfit father. So you would need to prove i. Big $$. And be careful, he gets a clever lawyer, and you might end up paying support to him if he is not working but wants to see child.
[ Reply | Options ]i hope an email from his mom confirming his coke use, photos of him partying all night through my pregnancy at weird parties with naked guys and his living in a 5x7 room with no bathroom kitchen or water would suffice??
[ Reply | Options ]It would help, but you would be surprised in NY. I had page 6 story about dh's drug use to back up my side of the story, and judge would not discuss it.
[ Reply | Options ]Can I just ask though, why do you want to have any contact with such a f-up? It surely can't be about the money? Do you want to get him to become more responsible? Why do you care at this point? Isn't it time to move on, and not even think about this guy and his problems? You sound great, maybe you should get on with your life, meet someone else etc.
[ Reply | Options ]Its one of the options I'm considering.. and would prefer. But I think I get a little freaked out about finances, with the nanny and the bigger apartment... and also think he should grow up and take some responsibility. I know he wants to know her but then I feel that it should be in moderation and with him contributing financially
[ Reply | Options ]I guess you would have to get a 3rd party to supervise, (I am assuming you don't want to have to hang around) It would be nice for db to have relationship with dad, perhaps set up school fund for db, have hi contribute into it, after 6 months or so of regular payments, maybe consider visits of a few hours at a time. Unless you want to go to court etc, you could perhaps figure out something between you. And with his parents too?
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]does brushed nickel kohler faucet look nice with a white (also kohler) sink?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]Does anyone know a lot about quad screens? My results said "screen negative" so I put it out of my mind, then at my 20-week ultrasound they found an echogenic focus on the baby's heart, which they said might double by baseline risk. I went home to look at the baseline risk number and it was 1 in 69,000. This doesn't even seem like a real number, and the geneticist is not calling me back. Trying to decide if I should get an amnio...
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]at 20 weeks what would you do if it came back positive? hopefully you want to know just to be prepared, not to even consider terminating at this stage.
[ Reply | Options ]Even 1 in 34,500 is a tiny risk! Have you looked at this already? It says that echogenic foci are found in 3-5% of normal pregnancies and pose no health problems. Bet things are fine, though I know it must be torture not to have somebody to talk to about this right away. I might get an amnio just to be prepared, if there are any abnormalities. My son was born with a birth defect, and I would have loved to have doctors lined up in advance (there is no way they could have actually tested for it, though).
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]so, what's the consensus on getting the swine flu vaccine in the first trimester? would you do it?
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]Waiting to find out early (FISH) results from my CVS yesterday...please let them call this afternoon...I just want to know, even if it's bad news.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]don't worry, dear, you'll be fine. in fact, the longer you go without hearing anything, the more likely it is that everything is fine.
[ Reply | Options ]it's true of lots of medical tests. if something abnormal comes back, the doc is going to make that call first. the normal results will be reported to patients after that. which doesn't mean that an early call always means something it's wrong--could just be a slow day. just don't panic.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]I am pg with # 2 and I am so much more hungry than I was with # 1. Could it be twins?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Of course it COULD be anything, including quads or more, but most likely--it's psychological because you are excited and know what to expect. Don't start eating for two just yet!
[ Reply | Options ]-
very hungry and I HAVE to have food. Not like that at all last time (I know all pg are different etc).
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
Seriously, you need to step off the drama box. I bet everyone you know already knows you are pg, you are waddling and carrying around candy bars in your purse. Come on, you haven't even been to the doctor's yet? You are painting a pretty good picture of the stereotypical look-at-me-I'm-pregnant clown.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
-
[-]Who here ever posed for naked/naughty pics? Any regrets? Did the guy really not let anyone see them? Or is that just what dumb women believe?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]Anyone have a link to the swine flu city weekend clinics this weekend? I was waiting for the school but they just postponed them again!!
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]is it normal for a 7wo to have a "sleepy day"? can hardly wake her to feed
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]-
[-]Did i miss the Hunter deadline? too late to sign up for test?
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]what time do your school age children go to bed? I have found that some of the children in my dd and ds respective classes who have problems tend to go to bed on the later side. I am big believer it should be between 7 and 8 (closer to 7). Thoughts?
74 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]6 y/o dc goes to bed between 8 and 8:30. the dc in his class i would vote most likely to become a sociopath goes to bed whenever he wants or whenever mom can deal. usually at least 10, sometimes later.
[ Reply | Options ]np: wow, 10 is late for a 6 yo. i think different kids probably need different amounts of sleep, but not having a bedtime at all or a really late bedtime that's convenient for the parents is probably an indicator of a family situation that may not be the most conducive to good behavior. my 5 yo goes to bed at 8.
[ Reply | Options ]
What age are you talking about? I think sleep deprivation is a big issue for my 13 year old. I try to get her to bed by 9 and often settle for 9:30 or 10PM (up at 6:40AM). It's not enough sleep for her.
[ Reply | Options ]to bed 7yo 9:30pm; 9yo 10:00pm and sleep about a half hour later. My dc have never needed much sleep unfortunately. They do not have behavioral or academic issues, just low sleep requirement like their dad.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
no, both slender and I usually have to buy slim pants for both. dd is 50% weight, ds is 75%. their sleep is meeting their needs. they need 9-9.5 hrs regardless of season, day of the week, bedtime. even this past summer when they could sleep in every day if they wanted, they were always up consistently after 9-9.5hrs. It stands to reason that an average sleep will have dc on both sides of the spectrum with higher/lower sleep needs. Mine have lower needs. DH is the same and never needs more than 5hrs a night. I need 8-9hrs so it sucks for me, but they are all perfectly happy.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
5 yr old used to go to be at 8 but since starting K, it's 7, and she falls right asleep.
[ Reply | Options ]Falling asleep is one thing, but how on earth do you get a school age child to bed at 7? I come from a country where kids stay up late and never had a bedtime--certainly didn't hurt me any at academically! I think 7 or 7:30 past babyhood or young toddlerhood is ridiculous, but if it works for your kids and you can do it, great.
[ Reply | Options ]
i never had a strict bedtime, used to play outside until 6, eat, then play until 8, and go to sleep around 9 or 10. Even if I would've slept 10 hours, I would still be up at 7, which is plenty of time to get ready for school at 8:30. same with all my siblings and all the other immigrant parent kids i know.
[ Reply | Options ]-
my dcs go to bed about 9:30. They are definitely tired in the morning. ON weekends, though, they wakes up ridiculously early on their own! Between one thing and another it is almost impossible to get them to sleep earlier. I know people say that makes us terrible parents, so be it. They are sweet as can be and absolutely no behavior problems and incredibly energetic when I see them at home in the afternoons--play nonstop--but they are definitely hard to get up so I assume more sleep would be good.
[ Reply | Options ]My four year old goes to bed between 8-9pm and takes a two hour nap. No behavior problems.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
because napping in kindergarten isn't an option. and then you'll be stuck trying to get a cranky, sleep-deprived dc adjusting to school on a new sleep schedule. translation: nightmare.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't think so. First of all, its still 10 months away so he might outgrow the nap by then. Even if he doesn't he can make it until 3:00 when schools out and then nap at home. He sometimes has to be on this schedule now and its fine.
[ Reply | Options ]-
Why are you so negative? Some dcs outgrown naps at 2.5 or 3 or 4 or 5. OR's might outgrown it this year.
[ Reply | Options ]-
np. i have to say that every mom i ever knew who let their dcs go to bed whenever and nap at age four were slammed when they had to suddenly deal with school. i'm not saying dcs can't grow out of naps and suddenly start going to bed at a consistent and reasonable hour at age 5. but it's not usually the case when it's been that long of go with the flow. just posting an observation
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
-
My DH is from an immigrant family, he is Indian. He never had a bedtime and thinks it was really bad for him as a kid, he thinks it stunted his emotional and physical growth. He wants to make sure that our DD (she is a baby right now) has an early bedtime.
[ Reply | Options ]3.7 year old, preschool ds goe to bed at 6:15, up at 6-6:30. just dropped his nap, and making it til 6pm is hard! he needs his sleep!
[ Reply | Options ]my 6 year old is in bed between 8-8:30, up anywhere between 6:45 and 7:30. if i put her to bed earlier,she most likely would not sleep and i would hardly see her at all m-f. schedule works for us.
[ Reply | Options ]This is me. I work full time so I don't want to get home and immediately have to put her to sleep so I put my 3.9 year old to bed between 8:30 and 9 and she wakes up around 7:15. She's well behaved and her teachers say she's a joy in preschool so I see no problems. On the weekends we generally let her stay up as late as she wants so we can all hang out so it's closer to 11 with her waking up around 9is. It works for us as well.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Thoughts? I think you are an extremely judgmental sanctimommy. I love that you are evaluating kids in your children's classes for "problems" and collecting data on their bedtimes. Forget that cause and effect might not be operating in exactly the way you seem to be concluding, as in "parents who are not as effective as I am in getting my children to sleep at an extremely early hour are making us ALL pay the price". No? Am I reading this wrong?
[ Reply | Options ]I get home at 7, so wouldn't work for us. Can't imagine getting them in that early even if I had better hours. If early works for you, great.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
no. in the case of sleep, which is crucial for a growing dc, you don't skimp on it for the convenience of the parents.
[ Reply | Options ]Huh? Parents have to make a living, if they don't walk into the door until 7 it is obviously not possible for dc to be in bed then. Half hour to talk to mom about your day is very important for a 5-7 yo, too.
[ Reply | Options ]they can talk to mom and dad in the morning then. if you are propping dcs' eyes open up so you can actually see them conscious for two minutes a night you need to re-think your priorities. move closer to work, figure out a way to juggle your schedules (mom goes in at 8 and is home by 6, dad goes in at 9 and is home by 7). make some sacrifices that don't involve your dcs' health and well-being.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Me too, but our nanny puts the kids to bed and I sneak in. Unfortunately, if the kids know I'm home, they won't go to bed until 9.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
[-]Ellery for a girl. It's a family name. Might use the nn Ellie.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I should add that my mother hates the idea and thinks it's pretentious. I like it and have a female cousin with this name as well, but I'm wondering if my mother is right.
[ Reply | Options ]I love it. It's a wonderful name, feminine but solid, nice reflections of Ellen or Eleanor, and Ellie's a good nickname if you go that way. And who was Ellery Channing? one of the Transcendentalists, I think...anyway, go for it!
[ Reply | Options ]William Ellery = signer of Dec of Independence. I'm named for his daughter (normal female name). He is a relative of William Ellery Channing - Boston minister. I like the family history and want to use it. I figure she can always use Ellie if she's embarrassed or whatever. My mother still feels like it's too pretentious.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
-
[-]I went on a job interview this past weekend(nanny). I loved the family and am really praying I get the job. They said they had a few interviews lined up will make a decision by the end of this month. I am still with my current employer and she told me she hasn't been contacted yet for a reference. Do you think that is a bad sign( that they haven't called my references yet) ?
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
-
-
Mine was but he was the only one of his friends, all of whom seem just as bright and started at different stages soon enough after entering. I think it's just like kids learning to walk at different stages, etc. Everyone (with the means and encouragement) learns to read and walk eventually and it doesn't mean anything much exactly when, imo.
[ Reply | Options ]-
No, they are not, but most leave K reading in public school. I started reading at age 3, but that's not very common (nor does it mean I'm a genuis :-))
[ Reply | Options ]My older daughter didn't read until the middle of first grade (she was 7); she went to Harvard and Harvard Law School! Younger was reading at 4; went to Amherst. Age they start reading is irrelevant.
[ Reply | Options ]Exactly. General rule is if they're not reading fluently by third grade there's a problem. I'm bothered by the Nest post. You want to create a lifetime love of reading so you don't push it until kid is ready. Neither of my kids were reading at the start of K but by 2nd grade were both reading several grades above.
[ Reply | Options ]that was us we were po'd but hey that is what we signed the kid up for - there are a dozen other schools we could have chosen; we figured the child is bright better to have him pushed than accomodated.
[ Reply | Options ]... and to be fair we hand the child a level c book he reads it asks a couple of words, we ask him what the book is about and he understand - so I guess what they / we are doing works - can't speak to the love part we'll find that out when our son writes a book about his childhood.
[ Reply | Options ]
sigh. This is such a mistake though. If there IS a problem, you don't want to wait til 3rd grade. The really important thing is whether they're progressing at a good rate, whether they're decoding -- things that indicate they *will* read w/out a problem. But if there *is* a problem, u want to catch it in 1st grade.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA. Niece and nephew are dyslexic - she hid it until the end of 2nd grade (very smart DC and remembered everything she heard), now in 7th and still behind, even after years in a special school and a lot of support. Because their parents knew what to look for, her brother was diagnosed at the beginning of 1st, transferred to a special school and should be mainstreamed after 2-3 years.
[ Reply | Options ]
not strictly true -- if dc is struggling in 1st grade, you shld pay attention, signed mom of dyslexic dc
[ Reply | Options ]
-
[-]any one on synthroid for hypothyroidism first detected during pregnacy ? and your age when preg ? me 39.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]it was actually not detected until after shortly after birth of db#1 - I was 36 when he was born.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, it was detected in early pregnancy when I was 36 (was 37 when baby was born.) My thyroid went back to normal for a few months after the birth, but then went back to under-active. I am told I will be on synthroid for life due to hashimoto's disease. I take synthroid 112 daily.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]What is a good jeans maker for a 40 yrs old mother of 3. I have a pettite frame not in great shape, 5'4 126lbs... the gap stuff is no longer working for me. I want to invest in a good pair of jeans..
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I just bought a pair on a whim at Target and they look great. I spent $20.00 and I'm getting tons of compliments.
[ Reply | Options ]-
I am exactly you (except I'm 43)... my go to jeans are Joe Jeans, Honey cut. They fit well so consistently that I buy them online. Normal retail can be up to $180ish but have bought them discounted from Bluefly for $70.
[ Reply | Options ]
Most Watched Posts
- What's the funniest, best, worst thing your DC has done on a school interview/playdat...
- My dd (who is almost 2 1/2) weighs 24 pounds, which isn't bad but puts her in the 10%...
- Has anyone with a still 3 YO scored above 142 on the SB?
- I can't get over the email that NEST's general fund participation rate is less than 1...
Most Popular Topics
- Was in a store near ps 186 (I think) and those DCs were more obnoxious and entitled t...
- I am going to get flamed but here we go, schools process is stressful for everyone no...
- I'm expecting triples girls! What do you think of the names Anita Louise, Clarice Ama...
- Annual fund question: is it common for a school to send out different versions of th...
- Religious UBers: where is God when little girls and boys are getting raped and sodomi...
- Who here truly feels that where DC goes to preschool/elementary/high school truly wil...
- my friend got caught having an affair. pain to her dh, her child etc is enormous. not...
- school just instituted a no-gift policy to teachers. now we'll have to slip gifts on...
UrbanBaby Asks...
Are you or your partner ever naked in front of your children?
Already voted? View Results
Flashback
The Kid's Menu
Video: Cooking With Grandma Gigi
Granddaughter Olivia helps make plantation casserole...
Also:Lunchbox Recipes
School Lunch Obsessive (video)
Make your Own Baby Food
Baby Food Taste-Off
Is it wrong to ask minors to mix martinis?
Can you tell a pregnant boozer to stop?
