[-]What is a TT school, and what are the best ongoing schools in manhattan?
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[-]Discouraged about post-baby body. Was in really good shape, and even now am no slacker. But abs are just so stretched out, they don't hold my belly in like they should. I still look pregnant. I am doing all the right things, exercise-wise. When will this change?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Your abdominal muscles might have separated. Mine did. To check, lie on your back and do a little crunch. If your stomach sinks in (like a hole) then your muscles have separated. It is called Diastasis Recti. Mine is extremely bad but I had twins and got super stretched out. I am trying to figure out how to correct it. I think I need surgery.
[ Reply | Options ]I had that, and did pilates with a sports medicine guy to correct it. Very specific exercises. My insurance paid for it, since I was diagnosed as having diastasis. It really worked, I was amazed, as my doctor was talking surgery to correct it.
[ Reply | Options ]How bad was yours? Was it one small spot or did it extend all the way from top to bottom of abdomen? I am so discouraged about mine right now. It is hard to imagine that pilates or any exercise could correct it (not that I do not believe you - I am just feeling overwhelmed).
[ Reply | Options ]It was big, also had hernia at belly button. I was amazed at the results, but I was made to work very hard by instructor, and it is very specific, small exercises for this condition, so definitely only try this approach with someone who knows what they are doing in terms of diastasis. You would be surprised how many trainers know nothing about it.
[ Reply | Options ]Okay. that is what I need to do. I have the belly button hernia too. I had that even from my first pg with singleton. What do I do? Go to my regular doctor for a diagnosis? Or OB? Not sure where to start. Gosh who will watch my kids while I go for treatments. I don't know if I can swing this. Maybe I need my mom to retire first. Can too much time pass before you begin?
[ Reply | Options ]My dc was 2 before I got properly diagnosed. Go to Doctor, see if they will refer you to sports medicine, or therapist that your insurance accepts...If not, then pay for a session with good person once a month, and have them write notes for you on exactly what to do at home. All we ever used was one of those big rubber balls.
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I thought that that was the case with my abs and then I did T-Tapp and my abs looked better than before (and I'd had a c-section).
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website is www.t-tapp.com - you can look at it for yourself. i found it effective.
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[-]If any of you can give me advice or refer me to someone who can, I would greatly appreciate it. Long story short....I fled an abusive marriage (verbal, emotional, financial, then physical). We're in Family Court to deal with Child Custody/Visitation and Support. My former attorney left me stranded when I could no longer afford to keep him on retainer. I requested and was awarded a court-appointed attorney for the Custody trial. But, I just found out from Family Court that court-appointed attorneys are not given for Support cases. I'd have to either hire another attorney or represent myself. I can't afford another $300+/hr attorney and representing myself isn't an option. My husband has convinced the judge that he has no money. Meanwh...
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]just go and represent yourself. the judge will walk you through what you need to do and say. chances are you will end up getting the support you need to get on your feet again. those judges have seen and heard everything and will be able to see through ex.
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http://www.nysba.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Public_Resources&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=15&ContentID=1823
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an organization that helps abused women (such as The Retreat, in my area www.theretreatinc.org)may provide legal advocacy. I was helped with custody problem, no charge. A rep even came to family court with me and waited all day to see judge. if they cant help they may refer.there must be something like this in nyc. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]don't know if they take such cases, but try the Legal Aid Socienty.... http://www.legal-aid.org/en/home.aspx
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks ladies for the support and referrals! Wanted to clarify, we're in NYC. We've already had two hearings and judge wasn't at all sympathetic to my situation. He keeps saying "You know, you've got to go out and get a job!" And I think to myself, "Yes sir, duh, I know that, but there's the small matter of not having enough money to pay someone to care for my child." That's why a (great) lawyer for trial is so important. Need someone who can get us more $ so that I can get back on my feet.
[ Reply | Options ]call everywhere you can and try to get pro bono attorney, DO NOT REPRESENT YOURSELF. whoever posted that does not know what they are talking about. i am attorney and wouldn't even represent myself, anyone who does is a fool. there has to be resources for you in NYC, i'm not there but looks like you should find something. why were you denied spousal support? do you have copies of your tax returns and other documents that show what your husband makes?
[ Reply | Options ]Denied spousal support because husband is paying off debt that I wasn't aware of: owes ex-wife child support in low six figures!, that payment is $3K/month, plus others. His financials show more going out than coming in, but like I said he's living in nice 1 BR with plans to move to 2 BR in same bldg. So, there's something wrong with this picture, and I can't fix it on my own. As for taxes, he skated by without filing for the past few years. And although he works as a consultant, thank goodness right now his income can be traced because company is paying him as if he were salaried.
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[-]my 13 year old daughter who doesn't like to wear pantyhose or tights. Any of you in the same boat? What do you wear with dresses? do you do garter belt with stockings? going to a batmitzvah this weekend with a fabulous dress and shoes. what to wear on the legs?
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]do not put a garter belt and stockings on a 13yo. she has to wear tights. period.
[ Reply | Options ]Get her a really nice soft pair, that don't feel so sausage skin...I know how she feels. I hate them. I would never let my dd wear garter belt though. Knee highs if the dress is long enough?
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[-]Anyone on from DC? Need to talk schools--Sidwell, GDS, Beauvoir for my pre-Ker. Thanks.
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[-]Need to move to Boston area for DH's job. Any advice? Would we be miserable in the 'burbs? What towns have great schools? It would make the most sense for DH's commute to be south of the city.
33 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Friends who are international urban types and both WOH FT live in Weston and are happy and love the schools - kids are in later elementary school.
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how adaptable are you? how good are you with change? Hingham has a great school system.
[ Reply | Options ]Boston native here. Newton has the best public schools (arguably in the country) and is convenient for commute to city. If you want to be more "in" the city and not compromise good schools, I'd check out Brookline. Westwood is also a great place for families and a little less jappy than Newton. Wellesley is lovely, too. I see someone rec. that above.
[ Reply | Options ]my sister lives in brookline...great schools...i like the vibe of being part urban part suburban there that nyc doesn't really have (maybe parts of queens or brooklyn are similar)
[ Reply | Options ]ita with these two--Brookline and Newton. Wellesley and Weston and Hingham are nice but really, really suburban/far out. Brookline and Newton have great schools and nice walkable neighborhoods, good public trans. and they're not far at all from downtown Boston.
[ Reply | Options ]np: don't know about newton, but brookline is expensive. many who move farther out into greater suburbia do it to get more space, nicer house, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]True, but like everywhere else the cost is due to the great schools, ditto Newton. And Wellesley and Weston are both $$$. Acton is nice, pretty suburban/rural and the schools are terrific, but it may be further west than you want. I'd definitely come and have a look around--all of these places are very different. I just prefer someplace like Brookline where you're not in the car all the time and kids have more freedom to roam around on their own once they're middle-school age.
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Milton is lovely and south of the city but close in, although I don't think it's got a commuter rail station.
[ Reply | Options ]Why not downtown? There are schools there, private for the most part though one or two publics ok. Concord, Lexington, Belmont, Arlington...good schools, some of these towns are better than others. Hingham is a terrible commute. I kind of wonder if anyone recommending the South Shore actually lives there and works? Newton is ok, I disagree that the schools are the best in the state, and Newton is so big that the schools are variable. Brookline is appallingly expensive though I would say the schools are the best in the state. The commute in and out of Brookline is not great, especially on public transport though depends where you work. If you mentioned where DH was commuting to might be able to help better. But most of the close lying suburb...
[ Reply | Options ]Places to live in Newton: City made up 13 villages--Waban, Chestnut Hill, West Newton Hill but there are other nice areas-->generally below the Pike and above Route 9. Below Route 9 has nice homes but it's a different vibe: way more suburdan, bus is only public transportation. Brookline is more urban. Newton is urban transitioning to suburban. As somebody said to me, if you have 1 kid, Brookline is OK. More than that, live in Newton. Newton schools are generally better than Brookline.
[ Reply | Options ]OP- DH will probably be working in downtown (near South Station) for the most part but will also have an office in Quincy which is why I had initially said south.
[ Reply | Options ]I live in Boston, DC goes to Boston public schools--it's been an uneven experience but not the nightmare that many make it out to be. It just depends on what kind of culture you're looking for and I'm not getting enough from your post. Where do you live now and what do you like about it? Are you a Brooklyn type or a UES type? And btw, you're right about the MBTA site--you might have better luck if you just Google places you're interested in and then look for the T or commuter rail.
[ Reply | Options ]We're on UWS right now. Pretty crunchy for UWS, though. Love being able to walk everywhere. Looking forward to taking my DD to museums, parks, the library. If we can find a town/neighborhood with a few decent not chain restaurants that would be great. I hate the idea of needing two cars but I don't want to limit our search based on what might be irrational fears. We're going to Boston next weekend to look around. Where do you live? I thought the Boston publics were not an option for us but maybe...
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DH will be downtown near South Station 4 days a week and in Quincy one day a week.
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[-]Can anyone recommend a great Christmas gift for a one year old nephew? Thanks
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[-]Anyone feel ostracized by fellow mothers at dc school? I dont know what I did (Im pretty normal), but the other moms def give me the cold shoulder.
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sometimes people are cold without meaning to be snobby. do you think you could be being too sensitive? it took a while for the other moms to warm up to me. volunteering or being on a committee is a good in.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm sure I am being sensitive. But I've been as nice as I can be without being overbearing. I'm not a cheerleader/joiner type person. I'll volunteer to be with my child, but not for activities that only raise funds for school. (time is precious and I dont need to prove to others Im a good mom. Just need to show dc.)
[ Reply | Options ]There are usually a lot of things that you can do that are fun for you, benefit your child, and involve meeting other parents. I like science, so I'm on the science curriculum committee, for example. It's a nice way to meet other parents. Hard to tell from a short post, but you seem a little defensive. It's always harder to meet other people if you won't give joining a try! Why not find something that capitalizes on your strengths and interests? If you care enough about being liked by the other mothers to post here, it seems worthwhile to make a change.
[ Reply | Options ]Im sure I am getting a little defensive. Im not real outgoing. I send dc to preschool for him to socialize, not me. But I guess we are viewed as a package deal. I wasnt good in this type of environment in HS and Im not good at it now.
[ Reply | Options ]I understand. Did he just start preschool? If so, after he makes friends and they start asking for playdates, you are bound to start getting to know other moms that way. I really wouldn't put too much stock into being popular at your kid's preschool, though! If it's not your thing, just keep telling yourself that you send him there to have a good time. You have your own friends, you don't need to be besties with the other moms if it doesn't feel natural!
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are you a wohm or a sahm? do you hang out after drop-off? do you volunteer? is it a big school where it's easy to get lost in the crowd? is this your first dc at the school? i think there are lots of reasons to feel like you aren't part of the community (and that's never any fun) but it usually isn't because all the other moms are deliberately snubbing you (though i'm sure there could be some).
[ Reply | Options ]Sure. I'm very shy and always have been. Most of the moms are natually social. I have always felt left out in group social settings and this is no different. Rather than trying to force myself to have a personality I never will, I just accept it. I don't think I'm being ostracized intentionally. They just do not know me and I make little effort to help them. Of course we aren't going to be close friends.
[ Reply | Options ]Trying being a SAHD. The mothers at my DC's schools won't even acknowledge DH's existence.
[ Reply | Options ]Here, I will make you feel better: school was insanely traumatic for me. I cried every day throughout elementary and never recovered, separation anxiety followed me anywhere. I still feel some of the queasiness taking my kids to school (who mercifully don't). So, naturally, though I make a big effort, I feel I am just not part of the "in" crowd. Some mothers acknowledge me but they don't invite my dd to playdates, I have to do that, which is then not reciprocated. Plus, I am a good 15 years older than many of the mothers, and it shows. They are a different generation. It's awful b/c I don't want to perpetuate the same feelings I always had, but there you go. Other than that I am actually a very nice person and am known as such--the...
[ Reply | Options ]I know how you feel. I am incredibly shy. So far my ds doesn't seem to take after me in that way (sigh of relief). I have a difficult time mixing with other moms. I am a perfectly nice person with a wonderful dh and a few close friends. But I feel like the weird mom at ds social events. Also an older mom
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[-]thank you all. :) you're great! She might go bare legged but I'm going over to JCrews this am to check on their selections of tights. she's a great kid but she doesn't like the feel of certain things. Jeans are scratchy, etc. I love her to pieces. Just trying to help her make some decisions re: dressing. Do young women here in the north east generally not wear stockings these days when the weather's warmer? I grew up wearing pantyhose but I notice many times women don't. Don't your feet hurt in shoes without stockings?
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[-]Tonight I'm at a big mom's group function and making small talk with another mother. She asked me if I worked, which I do, I asked her if she worked and she said, "No, I'm a SAHM. I'm fortunate in that way." Do all SAHM's think that WOHM's work because they HAVE to?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]When I tell some people I am a SAHM they respond negatively so someone once told me to rephrase it and say "I am fortunate that I get to stay at home with dc." It's not a slam to WOHM's but it is to protect us from getting slammed by others. There is really nothing bad you can say (at least I haven't heard anything) to somebody that says that.
[ Reply | Options ]Well, the way she phrased it implied that I was less fortunate. The way you phrase it above, is definitely different and non-offensive.
[ Reply | Options ]Could she have been saying that not everyone is lucky enough to stay home or was it something in her tone? I realize how fortunate I am to be able to SAH and know that not everyone is, of those who actually would want too. maybe she just didn't phrase it right. Although I realize not everyone is up to the challenge of taking on children full time, I am no stranger to the fact that it is not typical today. I try to be non-offensive whenever I can but maybe she was caught off guard, that's why I asked about her tone. It's not really what you say, it's HOW you say it!!!
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don't be so sensitive. i think she simply meant that she chose to be a sahm and is fortunate that they can swing it financially.
[ Reply | Options ]ita. Sometimes it's hard to know where someone else is coming from and especially if you've just met. It was probably a mistake to word it that way, but I doubt she assumed anything or meant any offense. Fwiw, I say completely idiotic things every time I'm in a social situation. I get really nervous to meet people and always end up second guessing something I've said once I'm home.
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I think that unless she said something overtly offensive, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. SHE feels fortunate that she gets to stay at home. Others feel unfortunate that they can't afford to WOH due to the cost of childcare and their earning potential. Others feel fortunate that they CAN afford childcare and don't have to SAH. Others feel unfortunate that they cannot afford to SAH.
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[-]Who can recommend a great foundation. Wiling to pay but need something that really looks good?
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[-]I feel for the Muslims in this country in light of the recent shooting coverage.
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]It's like being Catholic during the priest scandal or black any time Al Sharpton opens his mouth.
[ Reply | Options ]The maker of the upcoming apocalyptic film "2012" has conceded he enjoyed orchestrating the visual disintegration of the world's religious symbols, such as the Vatican and the famous statue of Jesus overlooking Rio de Janeiro. But he left an Islamic symbol alone because he feared the reaction from the Muslim world. Roland Emmerich said he had considered including the destruction of the Kaaba, the cube-shaped structure in Mecca worshiped by Muslims as being built by Abraham and his son Ishmael. "Well, I wanted to do that, I have to admit," Emmerich said. "But my co-writer Harald [Kloser] said I will not have a fatwa on my head because of a movie. And he was right. ... We have to all ... in the Western world ... think about this." ...
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[-]39 weeks pregnant. going to get hair done today. i have visions of being 1/2 way done with hair when i go into labor and needing to leave in the middle.
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[-]bday present etiquette. 3 yo DD was invited to a birthday party for last weekend of a kid that was in her preschool class last year. I'm not close with the mother, but we have a bunch of friends in common and have gone out to to dinner on occasion. i'm 9 months pregnant and felt really sick last weekend and emailed her that i didnt feel well and that we would not be able to make the party (it was 5pm last sunday). She never returned my email (i guess i was expecting a "hope you feel better" or "Are you ok" or we'll miss you" or something). Do i go out of my way to get the present to the kid at this point? we never speak on phone or have playdates, and kids dont even go to same prschool anymore. I sort of feel like she should have asked...
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[-]39 weeks pregnant and OB offered to induce me.. .. mainly because I've been puking daily since March and also bc its a big practice and this way i know i will get my doctor at hosp. should i do this or am i risking major complications for minor inconvenience?
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[-]my MIL is being really mean to my mom and I dont feel like i'm defending my mom enough, mainly bc i dont want to start a whole thing with in laws. Do i need to or can i just let it go? my MIL really is a bitch. My mom tries so hard with her.
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[-]when was the last time you had great sex? what made it great?
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