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Do you 'enjoy' spending time with your kids?
- Yes, most of the time we really have fun together
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- Honestly most of the time it's not fun at all, but it's not supposed to be fun
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UB Like it's 1776!
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Highlights from the boards for the week of May 10th – May 16th:
Work/Life Balance Better with DH Laid Off... (12 Replies)
DH lost his job 18 months ago, I WOHM. Work / life balance is better than it has been for the last 18 years. I hope he ...
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UrbanBabyNewYork
[-]I posted this in another thread, but I think it may resonate with some of us, so will repost for discussion. I'm a reluctant WOHM, and while I don't resent my DH for not making enough for me to SAHM, per se, I am resentful. I don't particularly like my job and I want someone, ANYONE, to support me enough so I can be home with my DC. Others may mean this when they say they resent their DH. My DC are little and if I'm not doing a job I love, I'd rather be home with them.
54 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI think a lot of WOHM feel similarly. I know two that resent their DH one for not making enough and the other for not working for 6 years. Nothing to be ashamed of. Also, nothing to be ashamed of if you loved working - different strokes..
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Are you paying attention? I have a 'great' career, make a lot of money. I just don't like it.
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NP: To be fair, I think most of us don't fully understand what a certain field will be like until you've worked in it a while. I think people are being overly mean.
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She is not paying attention she is too busy putting her pumps in her bag and throwing on her butt pump sneakers.
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Lady, not everyone was interested in proving something to the small town they grew up in and wanted to be a Big City Gal. Some of us didn't give a sh%t and had nothing to prove.
[ Reply | More ]Great, so no vamp,aiming now that a Prince Charming didn't rescue you from the course you charted.
[ Reply | More ]I am not the OP but it sounds to me as if she did not know she would feel this way before she had DCs. That you are clairvoyant as well as judgmental must be very useful where you come from.
[ Reply | More ]How do you think men feel? Do you imagine they don't lime their children or want out of the rat race?
[ Reply | More ]I am not sure that "liming" ones child is sanctioned by the authorities at present...
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I'm OP - my DH gets lots of time with DC and doesn't want to give that up by getting a more lucrative career so he has, in effect -- opted out unilaterally, which I am apparently not allowed to do according to some here.
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I understand you'd prefer to be home but you're not entitled not to work no matter how much your DH makes.
[ Reply | More ]Grow a set. Take responsibility for your life and your situation and stop whining about the DH that you CHOSE to marry and to father your children. If you want more money, go make some. If you want to stay home, figure out how to cut your expenses enough to stay home. So sick of whiny victim women. Pathetic.
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Are there things you can give up? I decided to sahm. Very happy with decision and life in general but we have a lot less than many others. It is a tradeoff. I think more women can do this, if it's what they want to do but many don't want to forego a second home, fancy clothing, luxuries. My dh does well but not nyc crazy well.
[ Reply | More ]np: how is she being whiney of entitled? She works hard and is missing her children? What part of this is hard to understand. These women they get flamed if they don't stay home, flamed if they do stay home and now flamed if they WANT to stay home. I think she is going through a hard time.
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I'm OP and how is it he gets to do a job he loves that gives him a lot more time than me with DC because I earn a lot more working at a job I don't enjoy? How does it make me entitled to want the dynamic to change?
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[-]Would you let your child play with a gay/lesbian couple's children? Even if they seemed like decent people would you have any reservations?
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If they only "seem" like decent people to you they won't want their child playing with yours.
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Don't get me wrong. I'm not judgemental or anything and I would let my children play. I just want to see what UB would say.
[ Reply | More ]You are judgmental. You think gay men who are parents are any more likely to have porn around than straight couples?! You are pathetic.
[ Reply | More ]I don't think that. I'm Op. Someone else posted that. Sometimes I wonder if I'm bi/gay so I'm asking out of curiosity.
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OP: I'm just asking a question that I wonder about. I have a fear of letting people know my sexuality. I just wanted to see what people's attitudes towards PEOPLE LIKE ME were.
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No. I am a bisexual woman ASKING a SIMPLE QUESTION. Though, ok I didn't ask it in a "Hi, I'm a bisexual person wondering if I ended up as a gay parent how I would be treated. Thanks." I wanted honest answers.
[ Reply | More ]You idiot. If you wanted honest answers you would phrase it EXACTLY LIKE THAT. If you wanted a flame war, you would post exactly like you did in your OP.
[ Reply | More ]No, because I didn't want people to make it personal or about me. I didn't want to get directly flamed. Even though it went wrong this way, it's not about me it's about a perception of a homophobe. I know the answer, that most people are very liberal in this board, and I don't have to face the fear of being attacked for my sexuality and feeling ashamed about it. I'm sorry it seemed trollish though.
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gay/lesbian couples probably adopted so they were at least vetted by somebody as to their fitness to be parents. The heterosexual couples, on the other hand, haven't shown anyone they provide a safe or loving home.
[ Reply | More ]Only if they signed a "playdate waiver" not o let their gayness rub off on our DCs!!! - what a moronic post (gay/biracial/bicultural/Jewish/catholic couple here with DCs)
[ Reply | More ]Yes, but I would rather that my child not play with yours. Those homophobia cooties are catching.
[ Reply | More ]I'm not homophobic. I said above why I'm asking. Nice to know you're so quick to judge without all the information.
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Maybe we all should. Don't you think you're judging me? Ok, so what should be used instead of 'lifestyle'? Way of life? Sexual orientation? What wouldn't offend you?
[ Reply | More ]What wouldn't offend me is the thought that gays have a different way of life/lifestyle that anyone else. WTF is wrong with you.
[ Reply | More ]I just use the term I hear in the news. Look I don't know how truly straight people see it, so I said that because I thought it would make sense. Sorry for the way I asked it. Really like I said above, I'm just wondering if I were a gay parent how I would be treated. That's all. I'm glad to know that everyone would bash the rendered homophobe right back.
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OR: Newsflash: it's homophobic to think that the Gays run a playdate differently from the Straights.
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None whatsoever. By the way, my daughter babysits for the adopted son of a lovely lesbian couple. who, by the way, is black. Nice folks.
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Hell, yes. We have lots of gay friends and my DS is 2.5 and has already attended two gay weddings. He never noticed or questioned that two women were getting married )this was the case in both of the recent weddings) instead of a man and a woman. Not sure where you live that you would feel compelled to ask this question, but if you are indeed gay I feel bad for you.
[ Reply | More ]oh, shut up. i don't personally care but i could see why someone else might be uncomfortable with gay couples. they might not want to answer questions about two dads or two moms or whatever. everyone is a human being, even people who are iffy on homosexuality. get over yourself.
[ Reply | More ]Okay, I NEVER make these kinds of generalizations on UB or IRL, but someone who's too uncomfortable to answer a kid's potential questions about their friend's gay parents is not mature enough to have kids. Seriously. No one's saying there needs to be a graphic description of sex, but how freaking hard is it to answer basic questions about this? Unreal.
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Oh my god. Is this a serious question? Why would someone have reservations? The couple would turn their children gay? This is hilarious!
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[-]Do you ever exclude a mom at school, boxer out because she is too attractive? Don't want to socialize as couples? Is it easier to have less attractive or similar mom friends?
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[-]OK UB, Don't all scream at me at once but (drumroll) my DD has a large upper lip. It is even a little bit simian. Any ideas how I can do her hair (now, she is 13) or help her with make-up later to minimize? Some of her friends tease her calling her "Monkeymouth." Otherwise, she is attractive.
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[-]SoCal mom here: After months watching this board, I now have zero desire to ever visit NYC again.
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[-]California moms: Visiting a friend in Pasadena, CA. Traveling with my small dc. I prefer to stay at a hotel vs. her home for the first few nights. Any recs for lodging? Is Malibu nearby? Shutters On The Beach might be nice.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreSoCal Mom here. Malibu is no where near Pasadena. Stay on Colorado in Old Town Pasadena. Ask your friend which hotel
[ Reply | More ]Thank you appreciate it. How far will we be from the ocean? I was thinking I would rather drive a bit and be on the ocean for a few days. This is why I thought of Shutters.
[ Reply | More ]OR: If you want some beach time, spend a few days in Laguna, stay at the Montage and have your Pasadena friend visit
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I think it is fun to stay at the beach. It is no big deal to drive to Pasadena from Santa Monica as long as you are not going during rush hour or coming back then. Shutters is wonderful, but expensive. You can get a great deal at the Loew's which might actually be more fun for a child. You will be 5 minutes from the pier amusements, the little aquarium under the pier, 3rd street promenade, the new mall which has great outdoor space to eat in, and the beach playgrounds. You can also rent bikes and ride to venice or even to Malibu. Don't miss the Huntington Gardens and Museum or the Norton Simon in Pasadena!
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I stayed at the Ritz in Pasadena several years ago. It was fine, although not sure it was worth the price.
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[-]What was the craziest drug you did in your youth and what did it feel like?
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[-]moms who are out & about with their kids all day in the summer - do you carry a cooler? any recommendations for a cooler bag/backpack? when we're out all day and packing lunches, waters, etc i feel SO bogged down with stuff (toys, hats, balls, extra clothes, sunscreen, potette) i seriously need a new system, would love suggestions.
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[-]gosh I would just love to travel the world for a year, wonder how to convince DH. We rent so would just pack up our stuff for storage I guess. I'd say we could both take a year of unpaid leave, we both have 10+ years of service. DH would say that he wouldn't have a job to come back to but they'd find him something, he's middle management at a large family owned business (production/sales). Three kids, but surely the year abroad would be good for them. Oldest currently 8, youngest 1, we'd have to plan to do it in a few years time. thoughts?
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+1. Sounds miserable if you don't have the means to really do it in style and by that I mean rent conveniently located houses or large family suites in full-service hotels. I've lived abroad and travelled a bunch. It is no picnic with DCs. Definitely don't do it until 1yo is down to 1 nap.
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[-]Where can I buy compression socks, for flying long flights, in NYC?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreIf you are talking of the prescription-strength ones (and they are the only ones that work), they sell them at Bigelows on 9th street and 6th Av, but you have to go to their upstairs section. I wear them on flights and they help very good, I also wore them during my pregnancy. I have never seen them at regular drugstores. Ask your Dr for a prescription, they may be covered by your insurance.
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[-]I'm the mom who posted about working as a stripper in a really bad club in one of the outter boroughs, experiencing NYPD busts, having a close friend murdered, a bouncer who turned out to be a murder, prostitues as roommates.best friends and then marrying someone wealthy, etc. I am bored so if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.
42 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreDo you have to be thin and attractive to do the job? What if you have a pretty face and big boobs, but are just overweight.
[ Reply | More ]Absolutely NOT. The girls that worked with me were pretty low class, slightly overweight, c-section scars and no plastic surgery (except for the South Americans). However I'm sure that's not the case in the fancy clubs.
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I would say fancy clubs are Scores, Hustlers, Penthouse, etc. At a low class club like the one I worked anything from a few bucks for drugs up til $500 a night. I've heard the higher end girls at Scores, Hustler and other places in the city make over $1,000 per night easily. Same thing goes for the famous hip-hop strip club, lots of money.
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[-]spinoff to the cooler backpack post - list what you usually take with you for a summer day out at the playground/sprinkler park/beach, what have you.
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[-]Spin off: You get on an overcrowded flight and they separate you and dc. What's the youngest age you would be comfortable with dc sitting alone on the same flight you were on?
101 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI'm willing to bet someone would be willing to swap with one of you to avoid having to deal with an unsupervised child as a seat neighbor.
[ Reply | More ]there have been threads on here where people complained about being asked to swap so a parent and child could sit together. after all, they booked well in advance and reserved the seat they wanted. they don't want to trade for a middle seat.
[ Reply | More ]But s*it happens. I booked a flight with my infant and 3yo and there weren't enough seats left together so seats will be assigned when we get there. Are you saying that I should have been forced to book a different flight (which would have meant another indirect) because my 3yo is not old enough to fly alone, even though there were vacant seats on the plane?
[ Reply | More ]I'm not saying they are right or wrong. I'm just saying this would be their reason for not doing it.
[ Reply | More ]np: well, i don't think there is anything inherently unfair with you being forced to choose a different flight bc the one you want to be on doesn't have seats together the way you'd like - no different than going to the theater.
[ Reply | More ]except often you did pick the ones you liked, and the airline changed things. or put you on a different flight, or didn't let you pick seats until you got to the airport.
[ Reply | More ]but aren't those the risks we take when we fly with kids. i do agree that the airline should make accommodations, but i think many people don't worry about it and assume others will accommodate. there are many adjustments i make when i travel w my kids. i try for direct flights, not to have the last connection of the day, not to have a flight that leaves at 6am requiring us to get up at 3:30am, etc. if i was worried about not sitting together, I'd adjust my plans accordingly.
[ Reply | More ]this isn't always a case of poor planning. We've had our seats changed only as we were boarding. They put your boarding pass in that machine to scan it and it pops out a different one with a different seat number. So our seats had changed between the time we checked in and flight time.
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np: there have been times, when i book well in advnace, get the seats we want and when it's time to check in for the flight, they've re-assigned the seats. so that's not a very good reason.
[ Reply | More ]np: This has happened to me too. I've chosen my seats then learned I didn't have a seat period when I got to the gate. If an airline tried to separate me from my child on the flight we would not get on the plane. There's a risk of abuse in doing that and I hope the airlines realize they are liable if that were to happen. In fact I'm astonished this even occurs.
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as young as they'll take them. seriously, I give the other passenger 5 mins tops before they are *begging* me to switch seats.
[ Reply | More ]this. i have been in this situation (seated apart from my 4 yo DS) and i was like "Have fun, stranger. If you need me, I've got my crossword and red wine over here in 32 C." Stand your ground if people refuse to move. My 4 yo would scream for mommy for 3 hours straight, you think some stranger wants to keep their precious aisle seat all through that? No way.
[ Reply | More ]right? You won't give me the seat next to my kid? I'll give him a Sharpie, a cup of grape juice and a coke. Then I'll pop a Zanax and make believe I don't know him.
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This happened with my four year old last month and it was fine. He played iPad games and looked at books.
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Can they legally do this. What in case of an emergency? They tried to do this when my twins were 3 and I refused to be seated separately.
[ Reply | More ]I would never let this happen. What if the stranger watches porn, or gropes your child, or talks trash to DC etc? You would have no idea what was happening if seated more than 2 rows away.
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np: What do you mean is this a joke? It is a legitimate concern. I was groped by a teen boy when I was a child. He was the son of my father's best friend, a very wealthy man, a "good family". If you think you'd be able to spot somebody like that from a mile away you are incredibly naive. You need to get wise for your own child's safety.
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I did. It was gay porn, so I didn't feel threatened but I just wanted him to turn it off. I said it nicely. He was surprisingly huffy.
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np. He probably assumed you were offended because you're homophobic. Personally, I don't see what feeling threatened has to do with it. I don't want to watch porn of any variety with random strangers. There was a guy at Starbucks watching some sort of porn the other day, sitting right next to me while I was trying to get some work done. It was pretty empty, so I just moved, but the next person who came along--after it had gotten crowded--complained and got the manager to make him turn it off.
[ Reply | More ]I guess I wouldn't have said it nicely if he was just some hetero perv. I was probably nicer because I didn't want him to think I was homophobic. Huh. I hadn't thought about that. If nothing else, it was an education. I had no idea testicles could be so shiny.
[ Reply | More ]lol! But social conventions are changing, and I think this is going to be more and more common moving forward. Not sure that I'm ready for this boundary shift. There was a post the other day about a woman getting visibly hot and bothered while reading porn on public transport, which would bother me just as much as the guy watching porn on his laptop. Even network TV shows are getting smuttier than anything I ever would have imagined 5 years ago. I feel like such an old prude these days.
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np. This happened to me--the groping--when I was 12 and flew by myself to visit my grandparents.
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This just happened to me and my 4 yo on a flight to LA. The airline changed my seat (w/o informing me) to first class because of my mileage status but still had my 4 yo in coach. They did nothing to switch me back to coach with dc. I was furious and was told to sort it out with the person sitting next to my dc. I asked the passenger to switch with me and after she angrily griped for about 5 minutes I then told her I was seated in first and she hopped up, quickly gathered her things and practically sprinted to the front of the plane. It was a hassle that I didn't ask for but had to deal with because the airline wouldn't correct their mistake. I don't get it.
[ Reply | More ]I hate how this is becoming more and more common. It will stop when someone sues because their kid was molested.
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people have sued because their kids were molested. Here's one story http://www.sfweekly.com/2009-07-15/news/predators-are-free-to-move-about-the-cabin/
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They did this to me with 2-year-old dd, and the B*tch at the gate told me it wasn't her responsibility to find us seats together. BTW, I had booked months ahead of time and picked out our seats--they just switched us for no reason, me in row 3, her in row 20. Not kidding. And people were such a-holes about moving seats-so many people said no, including people on either side of me and DD. It is enough to make you seriously doubt the innate goodness of mankind, honestly.
[ Reply | More ]it really took this for you to doubt it? the fact that people do not care one iota about anyone but themselves (and maybe their immediate family) was not obvious to you before?
[ Reply | More ]I try to look on the bright side. But this made me as angry as anything ever in my life. The attendant at the gate was so mean about it, and people were just unreasonable about not wanting to move. My daughter had just turned 2--who in their right mind thinks she should fly by herself?
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I fly around once/month and have never had my seat assignment switched on me. I always move without complaining when this situation arises and I have volunteered without being asked as well, but I assume it is the result of poor planning and feel a little annoyed. I do not express this out loud, but that's how I feel.
[ Reply | More ]Well that's silly. Because when I was changed I had my seat booked months ahead of time. My planning couldn't have been better. I was on JetBlue, btw.
[ Reply | More ]Of course it can and does happen sometimes, but the vast majority of the time people have only themselves to blame for not having a seat assignment, or not having the one they want.
[ Reply | More ]Or maybe circumstances beyond their control caused them to not have the lead time to plan better. A sick relative, or something. In general, I give people the benefit of the doubt, and since I know nothing about them other than that they need a different seat assignment, I don't judge them for it or assume anything.
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I recently flew internationally on Delta with <2yo DS in his own seat. When I made the reservation (months in advance), I booked specific seats, which were said to be "confirmed." I happened to check again a few weeks before the flight and saw that I had no seat assignment. I called Delta and the agent told me that - as a matter of policy - they would not confirm seats for families with children on that flight until 7 days before the flight. I called back then and all was fine, but only because there still were seats together. It definitely is more likely to be poor planning -- by design! -- by the airlines than poor planning by the parents.
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She was apologetic but had no explanation for why they do that. It truly makes no sense, especially since car seats can't be used in certain rows/seats, so it's already harder to find a seat. I didn't think to ask whether the policy applies when it is just 1 parent and 1 dc (our original confirmed seats were three together), but if that were the case, they should at least have kept the confirmation for seats together for dc and either me or DH.
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once when I was a kid an attendant asked me to switch seats so this guy could sit with his kid. Turned out it was a sham and I was easy pickens for a move to settle down some irate passenger that wanted a better seat. Haven't been presented with this situation again, but if so I wouldn't move unless there was a parent and infant suffering in my immediate vicinity and unless it was clear I was not sacrificing my comfort for the general comfort (and not security) of the parent.
[ Reply | More ]For those of you who have had issues with airlines changing your assigned/reserved seat assignments and separating you and your small child -- what airline was this??
[ Reply | More ]I posted above re Delta. They did not ultimately separate us, but they "unreserved" confirmed seats, and I do not know what would have happened if I hadn't checked, called, and found out that I had to call back 7 days (or fewer) before the flight.
[ Reply | More ]Also, a year ago, we flew United with dc who was 7mo at the time (but for whom we bought a seat). I reserved seats together, but at check-in, they had dc, dh, and me all in separate rows, several rows apart. We complained and were told they would "see what they could do." They did ultimately seat us all together, but it was not clear they would until we actually boarded the plane.
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Jet Blue. American as well but DH flashed his Executive Platinum card and suddenly they were able to work it out.
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I know some people do not like Southwest but they absolutely do not allow this crap. I have been on more than one flight where they came on over the speaker and said we have a mom who needs to sit with her kids and this plane is not moving until that happens. People agree to move quickly.
[ Reply | More ]NP-I'm interested that this was posted. One of my good friends just posted about this on her blog. She's a NYC mom who is trying to bring national attention to this situation. http://disneywithchildren.com/2012/05/14/protect-our-children/ The more this gets passed on the more pressure the airlines will have on them to change this policy.
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[-]In bed at home with painful back injury. What are the top 3 TV series that you have watched in last 3 years?
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Mad Men, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Breaking Bad, Friday Night Lights, Arrested Development, Lie to Me, Enlightened. Hope you feel better. Save me some Vicodin!
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Once upon a time. Really love it. About fairy tale characters in our time. Received great reviews and the top show on ABC this season. If you like snow white, ect, you should watch the pilot. Its on line
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[-]I have noticed this on Facebook. Someone dies and people leave messages on their wall. WTF? Do you do this? And why?
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreYep. If we are the NY friends of person X and they die, leaving a message on their wall sends a message to their California friends (who we don't know by name and can't console person-to-person) that X was beloved.
[ Reply | More ]I don't think it's weird. A friend died and people from throughout his life posted photos, memories and wished his loved one well. I thought it was lovely. Especially good for those who can't attend the funeral or may have been friendly but not close or may have been close but at a different point in his life. A social media wake I guess.
[ Reply | More ]I don't really use facebook, so I wouldn't do this. But a friend (who was very active on facebook) recently died and there was a huge outpouring on df's wall - including people posting pictures, poems, info about memorial services, and questions/info re donating to a cause df cared about. It really changed my mind about this practice. It still struck me as odd, but it obviously was very healing for some people and in a weird way it created a community of df's friends (many of whom did not know each other directly), and was almost like an extended memorial service in and of itself, which was especially meaningful for people who couldn't make it to funeral.
[ Reply | More ]This is the one reason I don't delete my FB profile entirely. It's composed of all sorts of photos and thoughts from the last 4 years where I want my kids to know my life was spent on them, even when 'I was in front of the computer' ... scrapbooks on the shelf can only say so much, and even then, will the kids fight over them? Who gets which one? A friend just told me and old BF and FB friend died last year and she still visits his page. I want that.
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[-]happily married, but i have a little crush on someone else. never going to go anywhere, just like the attention. i had to email him regarding our kids and am now checking my email about every 1/2 hour and disappointed to have nothing in there from him. such a sad little life.
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divorced, but i am married. this guy and i will never get together; neither of us is the type to lie and cheat. i just think he's smart and sexy and i can tell he thinks i'm attractive and likes my personality as well. i guess i'm just a little bored, but i love my husband and this is just fun for me. . . until it isn't fun, like now. sorry to sound so juvenile.
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so silly really. i don't even fantasize about sex with this guy. every once in a while, i think about what it might be like to kiss him or to hear him whisper something romantic in my ear, but mostly, i just like him. things are a little dull around my house lately (dh away alot, elderly MIL in the house), but i'd never do anything with the other man; it's just nice to know you have caught someone's eye, you know what i mean?
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Flame me but GO FOR IT. If your checking your email every 1/2 hour you know that you would like things to get all hot and steamy. Why not fan the flames and see whre it leads?
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Op here to the 41 and 44 year olds - are you divorced? If so why did you divorce?? Thx!
[ Reply | More ]44 year old here. Was in 10 year relationship, but not married for mutual reasons. Was told by Dr. I couldn't have kids. Got pregnant. Boyfriend wanted abortion, I wanted baby. He left. That was seven years ago. Dated a bit here and there. Met nice guys too, just didn't fall in love. This time feels different.
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Yeah, but TBH most of them want no part of raising/supporting some other guy's spawn. Too many other options. Good luck.
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