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  • [-]OK. Trying to understand so I can be more compassionate about formula feeding. So tell me exactly how this works: you push out your newborn, they put him/her on your chest, he/she begins to root for your nipple, you have a rush of oxytocin. But you clap a hand on your boob and say "not so fast! Is there any Similac handy?" Or what?

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    12.03.08, 06:06 PM [ Flag ]
    • ^^and to be clear, this is a question specifically *about those who decided ahead of time not to breastfeed*--not those who tried and couldn't--because that scenario I can imagine very well.

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      12.03.08, 06:07 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • I don't really care if you are compassionate about it, but I don't like that part of my body touched. It makes me queasy.

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        12.03.08, 07:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • OMG this is you trying to be understanding?

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        12.03.08, 10:53 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • try a little harder

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      12.03.08, 06:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • No, I truly want to know what those moments immediately after birth look like in this situation. Truly. Give me a play by play.

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        12.03.08, 06:09 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • Here's my play by play. "Oh you have a girl" "oh something is wrong with her, let's whisk her away to the NICU. DH saw her before I did. So don't be so on your high horse.

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          12.03.08, 07:04 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • and... after that? It wasn't important to bf a baby in the NICU?

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            12.03.08, 07:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • It depends. My DB was in a NICU at NY Downtown, which doesn't have a full fledged NICU so all the babies are in one place. When they're taking care of a special case, they don't allow parents in. That happened to me. DB is thriving. It's not a big deal (to not immediately BF, that is).

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              12.05.08, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • a. there is a very obnoxious tone to your post. b. i never felt a rush of anything. c. my baby did not want to nurse right away. d. if you've never bf, it doesn't translate you'd have an urge to bf. you'd have an urge to feed and you can use a bottle just as soon as you can bf.

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      12.03.08, 06:11 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • ita. Steer clear of this one, she's toxic.

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        12.03.08, 06:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • but your baby has an urge to breastfeed. Every baby does. I'm interested in whether mothers feel anything about that urge, and thwarting it.

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        12.03.08, 06:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • actually, my babies didn't. one was unconscious and the other didn't want to eat. but thanks for asking. i also would question whether my baby has an urge to breast feed or my baby has an urge to eat. if i put the baby near my toes, it might root at my toes. it doesn't know my breast from a toe from a bottle.

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          12.03.08, 06:16 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • np-this post is incredibly sad. It's sad that you honestly believe it.

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            12.03.08, 06:17 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • it's not incredibly sad. mothers want to provide for their babies. babies want to eat. to imply that moms who ff are denying their own urges is really over the top. and that's not even starting on what she's implying about how ff'ing moms care for their children.

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              12.03.08, 06:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • Just because something is instinctual doesn't mean it's the only legitimate option, or even the optimal one. Men have an instinct to have sex with as many women as possible.

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                12.03.08, 06:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • good point. (although i've been waiting for someone to say "are you equating breastfeeding with sex?!?!"). i also would like to ask the op why she thinks i want her compassion about how i feel my child. she doesn't need to understand. she doesn't need to agree. she doesn't need to sympathize or empathize. she needs to mind her own business.

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                  12.03.08, 06:56 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • You know nothing. Neither of my kids had any interest in nursing, no sucking instinct,no rooting. I did manage to get breast milk into both of them, after a seriously expensive and emotionally draining struggle, but if I hadn't it would have been totally understandable. I'm actually surprised that so many kids survived in the pre-formula days because my experience is that nursing is not easy or instinctive for either mother or baby. And you do the pro-breastfeeding cause a tremendous disservice by your ignorant, judgmental, and frankly stupid posts.

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          12.03.08, 09:07 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • fwiw--my first didn't--he wouldn't latch to save his life the nurses said he was lazy--no rooting or anything--and i tried! by the time he did it was a week later and loving formula--we did both--#2 however was a nurser--he went right on with no problems

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          11.12.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • You're a nightmare.

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      12.03.08, 06:12 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • i'm with the OP -- of course there's an urge to bf. it's biological and evolutionary. the baby instinctively searches for its mother's breast, the mother instinctively wants to feed the baby. It's a legitimate if snarkily phrased question -- there can't be an instinct to mix up a bottle.

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      12.03.08, 06:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • So really, give me a play by play. You have your child and while you feel all the intensity of new motherhood and love, breast feeding is not going to work. You make sure your child receives formula and you spend hours feeding her every day. You then encounter some sanctimonious new mother, drunk with hormones and ego who has nothing better to do than point fingers at people who shockingly are not exactly like her. Signed a mother who breast fed all three of her dbs.

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      12.03.08, 06:16 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • Thank you, that's helpful. FYI, my kids are 10 and 7, so "drunk with hormones" is laughable. The breastfeeding threads from today got me thinking about this.

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        12.03.08, 06:19 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • well shame on you that you've lived this long and can't answer your question yourself. Don't you have any friends? Don't you read? Not everyone is successful bf'ing. Why so ugly and combative on the subject. You paint such an ugly picture. "Not so fast is there any similac handy"? How smug. I suppose the answer you're looking for is you OP are wonderful and the rest of us have no justification being different from you.

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          12.03.08, 06:24 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • Oh, well in about 3 years you'll get your comeuppance when your presently sweet 10 y/o turns into a teenage nightmare bitch.

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          11.12.09, 04:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • itta. OP will probably communicate her closed mindedness on this and other subjects to her db thus having "pushed out" another one just like her. Oh goodie.

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        12.03.08, 06:19 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • if you're a mother who bf three dbs, why are you answering with a scenario you didn't experience?

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        12.03.08, 06:21 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • I'm not surprised you ask that question lol. Wouldn't it be a better work if we all did a bit of that?

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          12.03.08, 06:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • Is this for real?? My milk came in like 4 days AFTER the birth. Some people are such weirdos on this board.

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      12.03.08, 06:35 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • OMG... you were making colostrum, honey. Colostrum the baby needed.

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        12.03.08, 06:51 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • Everyone's milk comes in after birth. The average is 3-5 days. It's kind of pathetic that you had a child and knew nothing about providing it wit appropriate nutrition.

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        12.03.08, 07:47 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • seriously. The ignorance about basic biology is really saddening.

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          12.03.08, 08:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • np: actually, i think this OR was answering the "rush of oxycontin" part of the post. most women don't feel the need to nurse. i didn't feel it with my first kid for a couple of days, although i think i felt it sooner with my second. the op is making it sound like every impulse in your body is screaming "feed this child" but then you ignore it. and it's just not that way at all.

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            12.03.08, 08:50 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • Nursing stimulates a release of oxytocin, whether or not there is a let-down in milk. OP had a reactionary way of framing her position but I tend to agree that mentally well, emotionally open and educated women will want to breast feed if able.

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              12.03.08, 09:58 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • When I had DB (at age 45) my mother (who had me at 35, ancient in those days) said "we ALL fed babies formula. I never had milk, so I couldn't anyway." When I explained many mothers DON'T have milk for a couple of days, and what colostrum was, she looked shocked, then started to cry. 45 years later.

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            11.11.09, 06:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Here's the answer. Every child is different. I nursed my dd for 6 months and it was difficult the whole time. i'm still nursing (and trying to wean) my 14 mo ds and it has been easy and enjoyable the whole time. Everyone has a different experience. You just can't judge.

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      12.03.08, 06:37 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • I felt ZERO urge to nurse my DD, but I stuck it out because of people like you who made me feel like I had to. After 4 miserable months, I gave up and guess what: my DD was MUCH happier, I was much happier and life was wonderful again. As the mother of two older children, I'm shocked at how dense your question is. Do you lead that sheltered a life that you would seriously not be able to come up with possible scenarios? Sad!

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      12.03.08, 06:43 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • sounds like you need to learn to be more compassionate. period.

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      12.03.08, 07:35 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • the contagious virus I had at the time would have killed my baby so, I decided I should follow my doctor's advice and not breastfeed it. however, my illness was no one else's busines so when people like you ask why I formula fed I just say I couldn't. then people like you hate me and try to make me feel guilty. just so you know, i think you are an ignorant twerp.

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      12.03.08, 07:44 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • was the contagious virus HIV? Because usually when a mother has a virus she is *encouraged* to bf, to pass along antibodies to said virus.

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        12.03.08, 07:47 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • no, it wasn't.

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          12.03.08, 07:48 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • but, I knew you would ask. one of the many reasons I decided not to disclose my medical condition to everyone.

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            12.03.08, 07:49 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • and, if you had actually read what I wrote, you'd see that my doctor's advice was that I NOT breastfeed.

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              12.03.08, 07:50 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • see, everyone thinks they are a doctor. and that they have the right to start asking questions about my own illness. just take my work for it. it would have KILLED MY BABY. so i assume I deserve your compassion? you, on the other hand, don't deserve mine, for your ignorance and your intolerance of others.

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                12.03.08, 07:52 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • Oh, please. Doctors are the worst people to seek breastfeeding advice from.

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                12.03.08, 08:02 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • I'm with you. I don't get it. But I'm just happy I don't have to experience life like they do.

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      12.03.08, 07:46 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • The sceanario you describe never even happens at the VAST majority of American births. Neither of my newborns was ever put on my chest - with #1 because I delivered in a hospital from the stone ages and with #2 b/c he wasn't breathing a birth and needed to be recusitated. I spent pretty much my entire hospital, both times, fighting with the nurses to be "allowed" to BF - #1 had low body temperature and low blood sugar, #2 had jaundice (and I was actually told by my post-partum nurse that I was "starving" him and "shouldn't even bother to try" to nurse. I think we should actually consider it a MIRACLE that ANY American woman leaves the hospital still BF'ing, given the incredible shortfalls in medical and social support, not heap scorn on ...

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      12.03.08, 07:52 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • God. I'm so sorry that happened to you but there's a major problem there that that scenario is normal.

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        12.03.08, 08:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • I think my experience is far more the exception than the norm in American hospitals. BF'ing in theory, but provide very little in terms of actual, meaningful support to mothers, and at the smallest hint of a problem, they push formula. But as usual, women prefer to rage at each other over this issue rather than looking at what the real issues are and how we might create solutions.

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          12.03.08, 08:10 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • i have to say that i've had three kids in two different hospitals and i've found the nursing staff to be very supporting of bf'ing.

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        12.03.08, 08:12 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • NP: Me too. But at SLR "supportive" meant allowing me to sleep overnight in the waiting room and go into the nursery every two hours to feed my "starving" baby with janudice--both formula and breastmilk. Even though every nurse tried to show me how to bf a completely differernt way b/c there is no lactation training going on there. Didn't work. No one noticed that baby's freneulum was tight and she had torticollis, which meant she wasn't actually getting anything those 48 postpartum hours I alternated between the nursery and the waiting room couch.

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          12.03.08, 09:17 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • ^^and when I say supportive, I mean I really belive they were trying. They just weren't trained. It was a miserable experience.

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            12.03.08, 11:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • My experience delivering a preemie by csec this summer at SLR was the complete opposite. Almost ever y nurse in the NICU is a lactation specialist. I was taught tons of techniques (& perseverance) I didn't have with older dc. Bfing wouldn't have been successful without their help.

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            11.12.09, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • NNP I think most go through the motions of support but are hinderd by backwards policies and practices. The nurse might really support your choice to BF as a fellow mom but if she doesn't see a wet diaper in X hours, catches you letting the baby sleep past X o'clock she's bound by her position to hassle you. Unfortunately a health BF relationship often isn't appreciated by medical staff who want to weigh, measure and control everything in their midst.

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          12.03.08, 10:01 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • I had the same experience with my 3 dc's, but because I worked at UNICEF (major advocates of bf) and had a very supportive DH, I bf all 3 succesfully. Each time a free supply of formula was given to me, courtesy of the formula companies. The ignorance about the advantages of bf is really thanks this companies.

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        12.05.08, 09:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I ebf two children, and OP is a complete and total jerk. Really. You suck.

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      12.03.08, 08:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • Well if you were breastfeed maybe formula feeding is not that bad an idea? What a looser.

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      12.03.08, 08:37 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • Actually, after my child was born he was taken to the nursery while my abdominal organs were replaced and my abdominal wall was sewn back together. I did nurse him later, but it wasn't my first interaction with him.

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      12.03.08, 11:50 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • YOU SICK EFFIN BEETCH! I couldn't breastfeed no matter what. Some of us having "plumbing design issues" EFFFFF YOU

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      12.04.08, 11:51 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • Hi OP - I'm with you in wondering whether any ladies out there who chose ahead of time not to breastfeed did it. I have a friend who chose not to breastfeed for many reasons and will let you know what she tells me.

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      12.04.08, 03:24 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • that was me. i had no desire to bf. i ended up doing it with dc#1 but didn't like it. i wasn't planning on doing it with dc#2 and again, i ended up doing it. i can easily see someone not wanting to. frankly, if formula was cheaper, i probably would've done it a lot sooner.

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        12.04.08, 03:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • You are such a bore. Not that important in the big scheme of things. As long as child is healthy that's all that's important.

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      12.04.08, 03:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • if someone is uncomfortable with it for any reason, it is not good for the baby(they will feel the tension. some people do a lot of harm to their kids, and deciding to use formula instead of breast milk is the least of our world's problems!

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      12.04.08, 03:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I am expecting my 1st. I want to bf, but the question I have is, with a bottle..you can SEE how much the baby eats, how do you know when the baby has had enough or isnt eating enough, or that you are even producing enough milk?

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      12.05.08, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • because your baby is pooping, and peeing, and thriving, and sleeping, and seems satisfied, and it's really not as difficult as mothers on here make it seem.

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        12.05.08, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • duh! why do people make it seem so difficult?

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          12.05.08, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • like you said bf is not so obvious whether the baby is eating enough. also, bf in the beginning can be painful because your nipple is not used to all the sucking and latching...As a first time mom, of course you will be very anxious and worried whether baby is eating enough or not. with all the advice out there on how you are suppose to have baby latch on and so forth, it is no wonder mom is anxious if they are doing it correctly or not. my advise, don't worry so much about a so call proper latch, as long as your baby is peeing and pooping enough and gaining weight then you are doing fine bf.

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            12.05.08, 11:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Stop creating new posts on this issue - you are obviously the same person who hate moms who FF and is trying to stir the pot. This question is condescending and mean-spirited. Get over yourself.

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      12.05.08, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • no one is asking you to be compassionate for me, thank you very much, i don't need it and i didn't ask for it

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      12.05.08, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Ladies lets ignore this crazy bag for the future ... She clearly has issues.

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      12.05.08, 08:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Lots of babies don't want to feed right away...they don't really need to eat for the first week, nature's way of giving the milk time to come in. So your provocatively crafted scenario rings more than a bit false. But what really sucks is your grandiosity-putting the burden of trying to convince you on any genuine poster who will accept it, so you can be more "compassionate." Compassion comes from wanting to heal the suffering of others, not necessarily an intellectual understanding of them. (And lucky for you! Otherwise you might just have to die without experiencing it:)

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      11.11.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I breastfed, so please know that I'm not coming at this defensively. But you sound like a real jerk. Why on earth do you think formula-feeders need your approval? Why should they care that you are "trying" to understand? By the way, if it is the moments immediately after birth that you are interested in, then you must realize that many women who choose to breastfeed do not get to do so immediately because it takes a while to work out the kinks.

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      11.11.09, 06:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I bf my dd and I'm expecting and I will bf my ds, but I can tell you I didn't feel any rush of anything but exhaustion after hours and hours of labor. I didn't want to bf not only that I didn't want to hold her either. I wanted to go to sleep. She didn't want to nurse either. Hours later I wanted to nurse her only because I thought she was hungry and I knew I didn't want her to get used to a bottle and not my breast. For the 3 days I was in the hospital I sent her to the nursery at night and when they brought her in for feedings I was so exhausted I was like you can feed her. So every woman does have this urge to bf. I have friends who had no intention of trying to bf. When I mentioned I was planning to bf before my daughter was born one mo...

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      11.11.09, 06:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Why do people bother to even type thoughtful responses to such a dumbass post.

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      11.11.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • This post is almost a year old. Why did some damn fool bother to resurrect it?

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      11.11.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I gave my body up for 9 months, that was all I could take.

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      11.11.09, 07:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Have you ever actually had a baby and tried to nurse? I'm guessing you haven't, or you wouldn't be coming across as such a judgmental bitch. Said as a mom who is currently nursing a second biting baby.

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      11.12.09, 06:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • my one cousin has serious body issues and couldn't wrap her head around nursing and the intimacy and the nakedness it involved--i swear--another friend is the same was--immature and prudish. Another coulodn't nurse her first (nicu) and felt so guilty about not nursing #1 she wouldn't do #2--because #1 was old enough to understand.

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      11.12.09, 06:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

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