[-]Our whole family has swine flu. My fever has been gone for 2 days but I still have the awful cough with (sorry, TMI) green phlegm. Supposed to go to SIL's baby shower tomorrow. This is a big occasion for her, and I don't want to miss it. However, I've done some research and while it's not concrete, general consensus is that I'm still contagious if I'm coughing. Should I ask SIL if she still wants me there, or should I go? DH thinks I'm being dramatic and trying to get out of going. I think I'm being considerate of the other shower guests. WDYT?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I wouldn't go and I wouldn't want to be around someone whose whole family had swine flu particularly when I am pregnant.
[ Reply | Options ]OP here: Thanks, guys. I think it's spectacularly bad form to bring my sick ass to a gathering in a small enclosed space, too! I keep telling him that I'd LOVE to get out of the apartment (I've been cooped up since Sunday night with three sick kids) and gab and eat cake. It's not that. I just don't think it's right. SIL had the vax, but there are other people to consider.
[ Reply | Options ]I think your DH probably does not understand the risk to pregnant women and the general cautious feelings, even paranoia, of pregnant women and the people who love them! Call your SIL and explain that you really want to be there but that it doesn't seem very wise. I think she will be grateful.
[ Reply | Options ]You are not contagious if you have been fever free for 24 hours. With a pregnant SIL I might be overly cautious and go with 48 hours. The cough means nothing if there is not a fever.
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OMG, don't go! I can't believe you would even consider it! Your poor pregnant SIL does not need to get swine flu from you. By even asking her, you are putting her in an awkward situation. It's only common sense that you would not put a baby's health in jeopardy because YOU don't want to miss a big occasion.
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[-]I am really REALLY mad about the fact that some of the Big Wall Street firms (ie: Goldman, Citi) and the NYSE comandeered H1N1 vaccinations before many, many OBs and Peds in NYC. Some of the firms got more vaccine than even the hospitals have received. I am 30 weeks pg with asthma and I have a 21 month old son. We are going to drive 1.5 hours today (one way) for the *glimmer* of a hope to get the vaccine (unfortunately it will not be thimerosol free but I really don't know what my options are at this point). I feel like not only has Wall Street messed up our world economy, now they are effectively saying "our lives are potentially more important than yours or that of your children." I would LOVE to see some moms from this board organiz...
99 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I just watched the coverage about this on the Today show. The problem is that GS, Citi, etc. probably played by the rules and just applied for a share of the vaccine and NYS gave them a share. The problem is that Wall Street has such a bad reputation that the blame goes to them and not the State that actually allowed it. The right thing for Wall Street would have been to donate their share to a local hospital and ask their employees to stand in line with all the other people that don't work for them.
[ Reply | Options ]I really don't understand people's outrage. These companies applied for the vaccines like any other entity, paid for it, and got it. If you want medicine to be completely govt. run then get behind your president and change the health care policy. But as it stands these firms have not done anything wrong, and are simply protecting their workers which I commend them for.
[ Reply | Options ]How do you explain that Lenox Hill Hospital got the exact same number of vaccines as Goldman Sachs did? I agree this is a problem with how the state is distributing the vaccines and it's always been like this that companies with medical offices can apply for a share. Nobody did anything legally wrong but there are ethical implications. Let's not talk about image.
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Ordinary people work for these firms. You do understand that, right? PG women, people with small children, and people with health problems just like you. Are you saying you think their lives are less important because of who they work for?
[ Reply | Options ]No, I think people are saying that the high risk groups are not over represented at GS - (ie no children, pregnant women make up a very small percentage of their work force) and the vax were not ONLY given to pregnant women or asthma suffers. The right, moral thing to do - when GS/Citi saw the shortage would have been to donate theirs to peds/hospital in order to vax the AT RISK groups and allow their non at risk employees to wait. But right and moral have a hard time finding a place in Wall Street Firms.
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If you don't like the rules, complain to the government. These firms played by the rules and got the vaccines, you can't blame them for that.
[ Reply | Options ]I think this is a big part of what is wrong with society today. Yes, you can blame them. There is and always has been the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. We should not excuse questionable behavoir, by saying well... they did follow the rules. We need individual and collective moral people. As moms, are we trying our best to teach childrent to get whatever they can as long as they find a loophole - or are we teaching them to be kind, thoughtful, considerate and sometimes sacriface for someone else?
[ Reply | Options ]So if your pediatrician got his supply and can give it to you, but the local hospital needs it, you would donate it? Come on.
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I actually think there is going to be a big backlash. I almost think these guys are going to need armed guards because some crazy is going to take a gun and shoot them. It just keeps getting worse. The favoritism, the bonuses, now the flu vaccine. Let the bail me out. Obama is in Goldman's pocket and they do think they are better than the great unwashed.
[ Reply | Options ]Morgan Stanley disingenuously "donated" their ONE THOUSAND vaccines to area hospitals. There is a vulgar irony to this. And for those defending these cos., how many pregnant women, young children, etc. really high risk people? My dr had the shot and my ped still doesn't so my 1 yr old is still waiting while mr/ms muckity muck doesn't? hmmm.
[ Reply | Options ]this is absurd. how does one disingenuously donate anything? Back when these were ordered nobody knew there was going to be a big delay in the production of the vaccine. The company thought it was getting its fair allotment and then when it was clear there was a shortage they donated them back. You're showing your colors as a bitter hater, which just voids your "opinion" since it's irrational.
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The problem is that there's a shortage - full stop. The school district next door to us has the vaccine, ours doesn't. Yet I'm not trying to assemble an angry mob against them.
[ Reply | Options ]But its a school, not an IB largely populated by healthy middle age men and women not "high risk" categories. So you can remove your halo now.
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^^^available for everyone that is high-risk. That's the heart of the issue, and it's not Wall Street's fault. Someone with your profile that happened to work for Goldman Sachs would be just as "worthy" of a vaccine as you are.
[ Reply | Options ]np: then why are people at GS who are not in the high risk group being given the vaccine. that's completely irresponsible.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, that would be irresponsible if true (which I'm not sure it is - I read that only high-risk employees were being vaccinated). But that's not the OP's issue - she's pissed they even got the vaccine in the first place, regardless of how they're using it. Like if the principal of my neighboring school took all her vaccines home and passed them out to friends and family, that would be irresponsible also.
[ Reply | Options ]If you are at GS, you need to be in a high-risk group. A friend of mine is pg and she had to stand in line with others and be screened by a nurse before being alowed to get the shot. When they hand out the regular seasonal flu-shot it takes about 30 seconds to go in, read the pamphlet and get the shot.
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As another mother waiting for the vaccine for her 3 young children, I understand the frustration but let's direct it where to the agency that is mishandling this situation. The NY State Health Department and the NY City Health Department are responsible for distributing the vaccine to facilities and agencies that have applied for them. It is NYCHD's responsibility to say who is a priority group and they have been (re)instructed by the CDC to insure that health care workers, pregnant women, kids etc are vaccinated first. I can't stand GS or Citi either but it's not their fault that they've been given the vaccine in lieu of higher priority groups. Picketing Wall St is pointless... if you have a beef, take it to State Health Commissioner R...
[ Reply | Options ]I agree with you, but maybe I'll start a new post: Why doesn't GS get their sh*t together and work on their public image? For a "successful" firm, they seem clueless.
[ Reply | Options ]Which is an entirely different question than: How dare GS go thorough proper channels to obtain 200 flu shots for their high risk employees?
[ Reply | Options ]yes, but they should have been smarter to manage this information better. It's common sense. A PR person would do them a world of good. I can think of a thousand ways that they could have put this info out there in a better manner. They don't seem to realize they have a PR problem.
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OP here: I am getting ready to leave for the long car ride now. I am glad for the debate that this has generated. I would be happy to know that the vaccines that went to GS, NYSE, etc. truly went to those at high-risk (of course, their employees have the opportunity to get to doctors like we do, so why didn't their doctors get the doses)? Anyway, if high-risk ppl got it, great. But what I got from the interview with the head of the health dept in NY was him throwing up his hands and saying, basically, "It's up to the companies to decide who's high risk." Let me guess... the guy at the top who has high BP? C'mon... Anyway, regardless of how you stand on this issue, please wish me luck that we can get the shot -- we are basically trav...
[ Reply | Options ]Please, if you are THAT worried, quarantine yourself and your db until flu season is over. There isn't enough vaccine to go around, period, so even if GS and MS didn't get any that still doesn't mean it would make your plight ANY different. And for God's sake, stop watching the news and reading this board. Your getting yourself way too worked up over this.
[ Reply | Options ]and here, you can read this so you feel better about not getting the flu shot: http://www.aolhealth.com/health/fall-health/flu-shot-desiree-jennings?icid=main|main|dl2|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fhealth%2Ffall-health%2Fflu-shot-desiree-jennings
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You can't listen to the sensationalist media's bent on this and trust it. They are trying to get people stirred up, and it is working. GS got 200 vaccines and are distributing them to their own high-risk employees, such as people with asthma and elderly people. Every GS exec is not getting the vaccine. And the GS workers who are getting the vaccine through work are as deserving of it as any other non GS-employed at-risk person.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm 30 weeks pregnant and have been searching for the H1N1 shot. My ob @ Columbia Pres can't get it. I've been calling everywhere. After hearing about Goldman I decided to call them to see if I could 'buy' a shot. At first they said - no, sorry, none left. I then told them I was an investor and the guy told me to hold on as he was transferring me to their nurse. The nurse said they used all their shots the same day they received them. I'm still frustrated but I find it more annoying that I was given the brush off until I claimed to be an investor.. then they were happy to try to help.
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Get rid of the stash and everytime you want a piece just imagine the same amount of fat as the size of the chocolate being added to your hips.
[ Reply | Options ]there is candy everywhere at work- someone sent us a 5 lb box of see's choclate. I've had like 10 pieces already, plus some halloween candy this morning. I have been SUCH a junk food junky this pg-
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second- I care less about being healthy and weight gain this time- though I am up 19 pounds with 6 weeks to go, so not terrible, but I'd like to just gain 2-3 more pounds if possible-
[ Reply | Options ]wow, i am jealous. i gained 50 lbs with all dc's and normally very skinny/tiny. eat the chocolate -- enjoy -- you have nothing to worry about. and sees are the best!!
[ Reply | Options ]thanks, but started out this pg with 5 pounds left from last pg (from which I only gained 25 pounds so I might not gain a lot but then I don't lose a lot either) and started the first pg with 5 pounds of infertility weight. So I actually really need to limit the weight gain- normal BMI but I know myself and I was overweight to start-
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nothing wrong with chocolate - enjoy. Simple pleasure while your pg. Unless your obese I guess
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[-]Anyone do the childcare center at their gym? So debating it, with the swine flu/germs this winter....Honestly, I'm afraid, that I may go stir crazy, if I don't get to the gym either.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]DH and I are very relaxed about social situations and the germ craze, but even we stopped putting dd in gym childcare a couple of winters ago when she was little b/c she was constantly getting sick - they just don't clean like they do in "real" childcare/educational settings. There were noticeably fewer colds after dh stopped dropping her off there.
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[-]I'm so frustrated at my current nanny job I'm over worked and underpaid for my qualifications. I've spoken to my boss about a pay increase but she wouldn't budge,so been searching hopelessly for a new ft position but nothing seems to work, any ideas how I can be marketed to a new set of parents searching for a good nanny.
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]How much are you making now/hours/#dc? Are you leaving just because of money (otherwise happy with your current job)? I know earning a certain amount is important, but I'm not sure it's realistic to think you can find that amount in this economy. Nannies are being hit hard. But of course, I reserve my final opinion about your realistic job prospects until hearing your current salary.
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[-]What do early signs of kicking feel like? I'm going on 11 weeks and have been feeling as if I've had terrible gas/bloating all day that has come and gone. Is that the first signs of this little one moving around that I can feel?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I believe that's too early. I remember watching my twins moving around, kicking, etc. on ultrasound at 11 weeks and I couldn't feel a thing. I didn't start feeling anything until 20 weeks. Now, at 23 weeks, I can clearly feel it on the inside, but not from the outside yet. Hard to describe, but it just feels like babies poking me from the inside!
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earliest you'll feel the baby with the first pregnancy is likely 18 weeks. Earlier with subsequent pregnancies.
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[-]If you could choose between delivering in what sounds like nice cushy hospital in CT (Greenwich or Stamford) or one of the hospitals in the city (Lenox Hill, NYU, or St. Vincents), what would you pick? Does anyone live in NYC but deliver in the burbs?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]you want to reverse commute for a cushy delivery room?...why not just rent a suite at the mandarin oriental & bring in an obstetric team for your comfort and convenience?
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I have delivered at both Lenox Hill and Norwalk, CT, and while the CT hospital was like an inn compared to Lenox Hill, it's really not worth the commute.
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I was so uncomfortable while I was delivering, it probably wouldn't have made a difference WHERE I was. I delivered at Lenox Hill and it was fine. The nursing staff was amazing.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: I work in Stamford and live downtown NYC - for doctor appointments, CT is easier (I am waiting as long as possible to tell my office and its much easier to sneak out here) but not sure where I will be when I go into labor (expect to work up until then). Its not about the cushy delivery room per se - its more about the fact that while everyone I talked to who delivered in the burbs has good things to say about the hospital, I can't seem to get that consensus about any hospital in NYC...
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i live in downtown manhattan and delivered at south nassau in oceanside and was pretty happy about it. work in manhattan so i knew if i went into labor i would be near hospitals and it would be fine. ended up staying with family in long island two days before i delivered, it turned out fine
[ Reply | Options ]^^ also, went to hospitals in the city twice during pregnancy for emergencies (didn't feel baby moving late in third trimester, got scared, turned out to be fine) and dh and i were like, oh god, i hope we don't have to deliver here. city hosptials, facilities and staff were AWFUL compared to our experience at south nassau
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Honestly what matters is your OB. Will he travel to either one? Also, while expecting an uneventful delivery with my #2, he ended up in NICU. So expect the best but plan for the worst. Which hospital has better NICU if need be, better doctors on staff, etc? Would your ped visit the baby in either one of the hospitals or you would rely on the hospital ped?
[ Reply | Options ]I did SLR in the city with my first. Morristown for the second. Morristown was a far, far better experience. Better nursing staff (or at least not spread as thin). Not to mention all the rooms are private, which saved me $1500. And a massage. And better food. Just all in all a better experience than a big, busy, urban hospital.
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[-]Needs advice! I'm the previous "my SIL lives 10 mins. away" poster. I want to schedule a playdate for the cousins at a local children's toy store. I am mainly not interested in having any closesness w/ this SIL, because my other SIL & MIL are toxic beyond belief. This particular SIL is somewhat close to them....Do I preface the invite with I'd like the kids to get together, but I would like it to be about them and that I'm not interested in involving any other family drama. I worked really hard on myself and in therapy to deal with some of these issues, I'm fearful about going backwards in life?!
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]no, I wouldn't bring it up. You need to develope coping skills to deal with these people since you can't ignore them. Prepare some standard replies that are ready to toss out if the SIL starts a touchy topic. You can make it clear at that time that you don't want to have that discussion. Be polite, but be firm. She'll get the idea that you aren't going to react or engage. Good luck
[ Reply | Options ]I wouldn't bring it up, unless the MIL or other SIL was mentioned. I'm torn. This SIL is very delusional and immature. However, she has a new baby and lost her Mother a few years ago. I have a soft spot in my heart and want the kids to get the chance to meet-up. My MIL will take this as well, then we are all spending the XMAS together and will try to tear down the boundaries. I feel so torn, since I have to be firm. What do I say?
[ Reply | Options ]I'd say... let's just enjoy the day and not talk about family. If she presses for drama, then you can decrease the contact. Am glad you've worked on the issues and agree that you don't want to go backwards, but I think you can face these people and stay above the problems. It might take a few tries, but it's all good practice
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I wouldn't mention anything about not wanting to discuss family drama. Just keep it casual and see how it goes. If it becomes a drama rama fest just leave and don't do it again. FWIW I don't even know my SIL on my husband's side. MY DH hasn't spoke to his brother in over 5 years so it could be worse.
[ Reply | Options ]Why do I feel torn? I have a huge plate full right now. I want to be the better person, but why do I have to prove it. I think your'e right, to keep it casual. It would be, so long as its not at my home.
[ Reply | Options ]Keep it casual, short and sweet. If the family drama, other family members are brought up, look her in the eye and, in the nicest tone possible (with perhaps a hint of humor) tell her you've been through enough therapy to know you can't have this conversation. Thank her for understanding and redirect the conversation. If it comes up at all, her response will let you know the future possibilities. I do think that you should do it though. The fact that you are considering it at all tells me it is the right thing for you to do. I speak from experience, one cousin has maintained a relationship with me and our kids and one hasn't. It bothers me that the one who hasn't has chosen this path. But I know I offered more and it gives me some peace of ...
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[-]10 weeks today and my morning sickness/fatigue has abruptly faded. It was mild to begin with but it's freaking me out. I saw my OB 10 days ago and everything was fine; not supposed to go back for 2 more weeks...is it weird to call and beg for another ultrasound? I'm not bleeding or cramping so far.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]it's not weird at all and I would go if it's going to give you peace of mind. totally normal for m/s to stop, but I'd go in because I know I worry a lot. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]op: I know I must sound like a drama queen but I know so many people who miscarried around 10 weeks and said they
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I know. but many also don't have pg symptoms suddenly and it meant absolutely nothing! I had severe m/s constantly so I can't help, but the "normal" range is very wide!! like I said, I'd go only because I worry a lot. esp. when I was pg with #1, I worried about almost everything. GL!!
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If it makes you feel any better, I didn't have any morning sickness for the first 11 weeks and had it only from 11-12 weeks and then it stopped abruptly. Relax and enjoy as everything is probably fine. I too know a lot of people that miscarried around 10 weeks but there's nothing that you can do about it if you do so enjoy what you have and more likely than not, everything will be fine.
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[-]SIL lives 10 mins. away. Our DS's are 5 mo apart. DH's entire family is not close, however, I saw her at the checkout today and didn't even said hello...avoided her and kept going thru the aisles. Part of me wants to "do the right thing" and contact her and schedule a playdate, but a BIG part of me, doesn't want the drama of all of DH's family drama. I'm a softy, but have come a long way in dealing with all of this. Is life too short...should I get these two boy cousins together or what? I feel wishy-washy today.
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I teach my kids to love their family members no matter what my opinions of them are. Unless a relationship could be considered very toxic for my dc, I do not shut out family members just because I don't like them. This is a touchy subject for me. I am so tired of hearing about grandparents who are shut out from their grandchildren's lives just beacuse the parent's find them annoying - etc, etc. Grow up and treat your family with respect.
[ Reply | Options ]I teach my kids to love their family members. Honestly, this situation is more unique, so I am carefully weighing my decisions. I agree that shutting out relatives is not appropriate, but toxic relatives, where their are alcoholic/mental toxicities are not appropriate and need boundaries.
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[-]dh's firm just dropped BCBS insurance. now need to decide btween united and cigna - any preferences? i am 6 months pregnant.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]i love united. for our plans, the difference is that united has a national network and cigna is limited to the tri-state area (to stay in-network). also united requires no referrals or primary care provider. same for you? when united was only a little bit more expensive, we decided to go with it. next year we will be switching to cigna, b/c united will be MUCH more expensive. i think they are both nice, but the tri-state thing may be hard if you travel a lot and have an accident prone family (like me).
[ Reply | Options ]I had United with #1, Cigna with #2/3 and am currently very happy with the comprehensive coverage. Both are fine insurance companies, reimbursements are fairly timely and low co-pays. CIGNA has an annoying voicemail help-line but once you get to a real person, they've been very helpful. Don't think you can miss with either one but I have found Cigna to be probably marginally more user friendly
[ Reply | Options ]Very happy with Cigna. And I do NOT need a referral to go to specialist. The important thing to look at is the out of network coverage. Go with which ever plan is higher.
[ Reply | Options ]Are the plans the same and jus tthe companies different? Then I would check with your doctors and see which is accepted more universally. I had CIGNA POS and I loved that there was no paperwork, but OTOH not everyone accepted it. Next year I will have a United Healthcare plan and it involves paperwork, but it seems more universally accepted. This is not my choice, just tthat my company keeps changing plans - I've had CIGNA POS, BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO and now United Healthcare (some combo of a PPO and an Indemnity plan).
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[-]Question. Due in a few weeks with DB#2 this pregnancy is completely different, carrying differently, different side effects, I even smell different. Wondering if #2 is a boy, did anyone notice a big difference when pregnant between boys and girls?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I'm carrying the same now with #2 as I did with #1 but the biggest difference is that with #1 I had zero morning sickness and felt great and energetic throughout the pregnancy. This time around I'm at 18 weeks and have been tired and exhausted from the beginning and had the most terrible morning sickness from week 7 until just recently. #1 was a girl, this one is a boy.
[ Reply | Options ]Completely different. #1 was a boy, mild morning sickness and some exhaustion towards the end. This time around I am having a girl and I have had every problem in the book: morning sickness that has been unbearable (taking Zofran, still at 25 weeks), migraines, carpal tunnel pain, back problems, you name it... Weight gain has been the same for both. In my case the girl pregnancy has been brutal.
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[-]Swine flu shot and 5 months pregnant - with or without thermisol?
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I am 30 weeks pg and just asked my OB the same question yesterday. She said that she would advise getting it with thimerosol over not getting it at all (assuming you cannot find it without thimerosol which seems to be the case right now.)
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I'm 30 weeks also. I asked OB y/day at appt and she said if I can find it w/o thermisol, then yes I should def get the shot. If however I can only find it with thermisol then skip it. But since I can't seem to find it anywhere in the city - with the exception of Goldman & Citi - it's a moot point.
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Apparently you cannot post links on this site! Go to nyc (dot) gov / flu or you can google "nyc flu shot locator". Usually first link that appears. Halfway down the page is a "flu shot locator" you can search by h1n1 and/or seasonal. The locations may not be a nice as your regular doctor - but they have h1n1 shots! I went on Monday. Great success. Good luck!
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OP: I have not found it without thimerosal (spelled properly for the english teacher poster) but have been given the option to take it with thimerosal by another doctor of mine. I'm tempted to wait it out for a few more weeks to see if I can get it without from my OB as she said they ordered it and are waiting but will probably take it either way by Thanksgiving.
[ Reply | Options ]I took it this week with thimerosal - my OB said that it has less mercury than a can of tuna and that drs who advice their patients to wait for a shot that is very hard to find are doing them a big disservice. I am so glad that I got it b/c i just found out that a woman I know who is due around Christmas caught swine flu a few weeks ago and was in the hospital for 10 days.
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[-]Did anyone have any side effects to the H1N1 vaccine? I'm going to get vaccinated in a few hours...20 weeks pregnant.
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[-]Looking for Labor Doula recommendations. Looking for a doula who offers 1-2 pre labor visits, is with me for labor and delivery, and helps establish breast feeding. I live in NoHo. Many thanks!
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My doula was Rina Crane. I've recommended her on here before and I do so whole-heartedly. She will be there for whatever you want. She has a blog at www.doularama.com, but I'm sure you can reach her though there. If not, you can pm me. I really couldn't have done it without her. She was different than the other doulas I met. etc., etc.
[ Reply | Options ]Jenna Hutchins was my doula in '99. Not sure if she's still working but what a fantastic person and a brilliant help from beginning to end of the process. Just the most fabulous combination of laid-back and strong. Never pushy but totally present and supportive, and hugely experienced even back then. And I had major bf problems, btw.
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[-]11 weeks pregnant w/no. 3...have two boys and although all I pray for is a healthy baby I had the hope it would be a girl this time... She said that even though it is too early to confirm sex of the baby, if she could take a guess by looking at the shape of the baby's pelvis she would say 70% it's another boy... Can this be pretty accurate? anyone?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I really don't think it could be that accurate at this point. Also, don't you kind of love the idea of being the queen of your kingdom, with all your boys running around!
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If you get a good angle, I think it can be pretty easy to determine sex by 11 weeks. I found out my twins were boys at 12 weeks. The doc asked if I wanted to know (I did) and he showed me the money shot and before he even told me I said, "oh, they are boys!" Anyway, I have 3 boys and LOVE it. I used to think a girl would be nice but now I would not change a thing.
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