[-]Anyone ever dye their hair from bright blonde to dark blonde/light brown? no time/extra money to get to the salon before vacation this weekend and roots are BAD! my natural color is dark blonde, looking to get closer to my natural color. have previously dyed my hair on my own, but never light to dark. any tips?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]if your hair is highlighted, then dying it at home can be precarious bc highlighted hair is already treated and won't take new color the same way as the untreated hair. so you could end up with a mix of colors on your head. i would be more inclined to go someplace that can sqeeze you in for a quick touch up, then to mess w it at home.
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[-]Any experience with "drive away"? Have to move grandfather's car from midwest to NY and can't do it ourselves. there are companies that do this for big fee, but how to choose among them? Anyone do this? Could also hire a college student (craigslist???) but I worry about liability, etc. Advice? BTDT?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]my father does this for a living for car dealerships...you might contact some in your area as they probably ahve 'drivers' they call to deliver cars and could probably give you a referral
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...on the other hand, school breaks are coming up. If you have a nephew or someone close, pay their one-way airfare out there and some extra cash to go pick up grandpa's car. It could save some $$ and it will be someone that you know. And what are they going to do for their 3 weeks off from school besides party and sleep late?
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[-]in such a bind. married a wonderful man i respect greatly but had zero sexual attraction for. been together 10 years. i was screwed up at the time (eating disorders, family trauma, etc) and didnt realize it but NOW i see i made a bargain - emotional security for sex. i have never been happy sexually in our marriage or before. recently met a man thru work that i am madly wildly passionate for and started an affair (flamers field day!) and i have asked my husand for a sep. he is fighting tooth and nail. wants our marriage to work. i feel i am in love with another man and soooooo torn. we have 2 kids. some will say i am selfish. others will say no one wants a martyr for a mother. any experience ub-ers?
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hmm, i dont think of it that simply but have passion, sexual desire, sensual experiences with my partner are important to me. these are things i have forsaken in my life til now. i am 37 and just realizing that sexuality is extremely important."sex" isnt just a tiny compartment of life.
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Catholics have to go to pre-marriage counseling before we get married, it's called pre-cana. And I still remember the Priest talking to us. He said, " I always tell couples, you will meet the person you should have married after you are already married. Marriage is a choice you make each day when you wake up." If you are done making the choice to be married, I don't think its really fair that you stay with your lover. You owe it to yourself, kids, and husband actually, to separate, and get your act together, before diving in with the new guy. Sex does not last.
[ Reply | Options ]hmm, so interesting what your priest says. do you meet the man you should have married as a test to your commitment to marriage? i feel like i committed to my marriage because i didnt know what else to do.
[ Reply | Options ]I thought it was really great advice. I took it that marriage is hard work. You have to do the work every day. And of course, anyone who has dated someone for 3 years knows it gets old, and boring, and its tempting to look around. Do you do the work, or throw in the towel. To OP, I would say, I find your husband attractive that he was a loyal, loving husband and father for 10 years, much more attractive to me than your lover who would break up a family. I really do. I have a number of single girlfriends I would like to set your soon to be ex-husband up with after you have left him. He soudns like an honrable guy.
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I find it amazing that you found a man whom you respect, who was willing to go through all your screwed up stuff, and be the father to your children and is willing to fight for you tooth and nail that you don't value him and your family enough to find a way to improve your sex life with him. HOnestly, Ithink he is the martyr in this situation - I think you would be foolish to throw all this away and will probably really regret it. It sounds like you have a long pattern of self-destructive behavior and this affair is part of it. Affairs are self-destructive - and destructive of others. Is the affair all about sex or is there more to it?
[ Reply | Options ]much more to it. he is emotionally present, we get along very well, "get" each other, both have walked through really difficult stuff. by martyr, i meant being in a sexless, safe marriage because i "owe" it to him, rather than having the courage to creatie the life & love i want? also - i have taken my husband to sex therpay several times. he wasnt willing to look at himself. it;s always ME that is the problem.
[ Reply | Options ]more from OP, i value my family and kids tremendously but i am not so attached to the hallmark picture of a nuclear family to suppress all of my desires to maintain that picture. sounds like a recipe for divorce once the kids go to college. my therapist says i have re-created the incest of my childhood by having 10 years of sex that i d idnt want to have. literally, REPULSED by my husband's body. but always made it MY FAULT for thinking that. maybe we dont have "chemistry". can you conjure chemistry?
[ Reply | Options ]more from OP - trust me, i am terrified of making a decision i will regret. i couldnt live with that... so i am doing tons and tons of work on myself and the marriage to see what can be improved. including 86'ing the affair.
[ Reply | Options ]it really doesn't matter how physically unattracted you are to your husband, that's no excuse for hurting him in this way. and it doesn't matter how dysfunctional your family/childhood was, you are a grown woman responsible for your own actions and your actions are inexcusable. if you were terminally unhappy with your marriage, you should have ended it before you moved onto another intimate relationship. can you imagine your two children someday trying to blame their adult problems on the fact that their mother was a damaged, selfish, addictive personality who broke up their family and destroyed their father all because she cared more about her sex life with a boyfriend than her marriage and family? doesn't sound like a pattern you should b...
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np-can you read in your post that you are blaming someone and assuming THEY must have something wrong with them ("can you conjure chemistry"?) This is a pattern. it's NOT everyone else's fault. You need to take a step back and stop acting like an 18 yr old school girl.
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np-your frame is all wrong. you dont stay in a marriage because you owe it to them. you stay in because of all of hte blessings that you have and because you YOURSELF made a commitment to be married. you need to stop thinking about what you dont have and start thinking about what you value. do you value truthfulness? honesty? doing what you said you would do? therapy isnt about the other person's problems. it's about our OWN. what is it inside of you that thinks you should be so callous with these tremendous blessings?
[ Reply | Options ]i havent been callous. i have been completely devoted and focused ENTIRELY on what a wonderful man he is for 10 years. i have only looked at my own deficiencies and blocks. (see my postings above). i do feel incredibly blessed. i think because of my sexual trauma and abuse though, i chose a man based on that framework. not from a healthy confident place. so, do you believe in the "you've made your bed now lie in it" way of approaching life? do you believe people who stay in sexless repressed marriages benefit their children? i grew up in a sexless home and that is why i had NO IDEA about sexuality in life and married someone who repulsed me physically.
[ Reply | Options ]look. i'm sure that you and your therapist have discussed this a good deal. but the tone of your email is "i" this and "i" that. it's all about you. which is a framework for life you get to have before YOU choose the responsibility of creating a family. then it doesnt get to be "i" "i". once YOU make that choice, whoever you were when you made it, then your frame needs to shift. otherwise, yes, you are callous and self absorbed. period.
[ Reply | Options ]i have put my husband's feeling before mine for the last 10 years. he was so afraid of losing me he didnt want me to go to rehab because he was afraid i would "get well" and leave him, was afraid if me going on a retreat because it sounds risque to him and thereatened him, my post sounds all I I I because YES it finally is about me. most of my life has been about people pleasing for survival, my family, now my husband. it sounds like YOUR framework for life is VERY punitive. no one can change their mind. no one can make mistakes.
[ Reply | Options ]Oh OP, best of luck to you, Sex isn't everything but it is a very important,vital energy. It sounds like you need to have a realized sexual existence. If it isn't with your husband, you'll need to suffer that loss. I'm truly sorry.
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it sounds to me like you've had way too much therapy if you ask me. i have experience with your type in my own dysfunctional family. you've had so much therapy that you know all the lingo (so you, therefore, "know it all" and are pretty much beyond help at this point). and, because you are so well-versed in all this psycho-babble, you have gotten to the point where you see everyone's deficiencies but your own. if you had only stayed faithful, this whole story would read much differently. but your infidelity, in my opinion, is unconscionable.
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NP: You are clearly very mad at your husband. I am not shrink, bt I would guess you are deflecting, or trying t make yourself mad at him so he's easier to leave?? Also, you talk so much about hte importance of sexuality in life.. it's odd to me. I just don't see it as important. Maybe 5% of our marriage is sexuality, 25% humor, etc..
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why ? because she is saying that you just have to stick out your commitments even though it is a daily inner torture? because he is a good man? because sex "isnt everything"? never said it was "everything" but ANY marraige counselor will say that physical attraction and chemistry is a MUST. unless BOTH partners do not value sexual vitality.
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The point at which you were most selfish is when you married him - not now (yes, yes, I know you had issues). Does he know that you actually find him repulsive and he's OK with that? If he is, what about an open marriage?
[ Reply | Options ]trust me - i know that is when i was most selfish and it is a testament to how little i trusted myself and my instincts. i had a teeny tiny voice saying he wasnt the one but i didnt trust myself as i had made so many bad decisions. i have told him t hat i never truly chose to have a SEXUAL relationship with him. that i have always done it to please him, never myself. he knows this now.. and is accepting it. and now that we are FINALLY being honest with each other we are looking at how we can COMPLETELY re-boot our sex life. reading books... looking at more spiritual appraoches to sex
[ Reply | Options ]Oh my goodness. How could you say this to him? I'm siging off this post, because it is so upsetting. I feel for your DH. If my DH told me he only had sex w me to please me, not himself, I would be heartbroken. If you hate him so much, please do leave him. Let him find a loving wife who will be there through thick and thin. There are many more single women out there.
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You did your husband a great disservice by marrying him when you felt no attraction at all towards him. It was selfish and you basically used him for security. You did a greater disservice by having two children with this husband that you felt repulsed by. And now you want to dump them all because you want a better life? You do not sound worthy of your husband or children and I hope he gets them in a custody battle, because he is better suited to be a responsible parent. I'm sorry you had an early trauma, but does that give you license to do what you will do to three people? I say NO. You've made your decisions, now honor up to them.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel like this could have been written by a man, and he would be ripped to shreds on this board.
[ Reply | Options ]You've missed the point; most here do not approve or respect what she has done and the kids and dh are the innocent victims. OP needs to own up to responsibility and not cause pain to family. OP is an adolescent mentality with a fantasy life when she has dc who need her to be an adult.
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sexual attraction is NOT a good thing to base a relationship on. Respect and trust come in MUCH more handy. Don't know about you, but any man I was ever really attracted to and had great sex with was not someone whom I trusted or respected very much. I would advise you to work on your sex life with your dh. Take it as a challenge, you never know!! Think of all the pain and suffering you will cause the way you're going
[ Reply | Options ]my mother broke up a stable (though there were problems) family for a man she was into sexually (though that of course didn't last, it never does). I have sympathy for her, but after years of analysis therapy and bad behavior on my part, but only after that and a lot of grief, I have trained myself to make better choices than her. But it was very very hard, and I wish I had had better models.
[ Reply | Options ]Lone dissenter here. You get one life. If you and your husband are not happy together, you don't need to stay out of some type of obligation. Separate.
[ Reply | Options ]not alone - the most selfish part was marrying him in the first place (though from some of OPs posts, if looks like dh was looking for someone who was easy to control) - that's done and shouldn't necessarily be perpetuated. If they can't ignite the fire or agree to let the fire be ignited elsewhere, then enough.
[ Reply | Options ]I just don't think divorce is the worst thing ever. Even if we disagree with every choice she made in the past, she is here now, and basically can get a divorce and pursue happiness. JMO.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: Do you seriously think she'll find happiness with this other guy? (And let's be honest, the other guy is the reason she's contemplating leaving, not some great personal epiphany like she's trying to paint it above.) I feel like we'll just see another thread from her a few years down the road with lots of ALL CAPS talking about everything that's wrong with guy #2 and it's not really her fault because it was her first bad marriage that made her make this mistake in her second marriage and . . .
[ Reply | Options ]A lot of times guy #2 IS a device to get out of the situation. It is called Triangulation and does not mean that she has to be with him. Her ultimate happiness clearly does not lie with her husband, and both of them need a chance at a REAL marriage, whether or not he realizes it yet.
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Dh is willing to fight tooth and nail but is not willing to work on making himself more attractive? That doesn't seem to jibe.
[ Reply | Options ]is your lover going to weave into what would be your new life as a single mother with two dc, or are you going to give custody to ex-dh? it's not like you're single w/o kids and can flop in bed whenever you want. is lover going to fit into any kind of life with whatever custody arrangments would be made? think about that.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I'll join in with the lone dissenter above and say that if you feel the marriage is beyond repair, then leave. Divorce isn't the end of everything, and if you can find a way to build a happier life, then I say go for it. Yes, you took vows but every once in a while, life goes askew, and as the poster wrote above, you only have one life to live. Go out and live it.
[ Reply | Options ]tritto regarding having one life to lead. But remember, things in our head don't always translate so neatly into real life, i.e. the sexy boyfriend and happily ever after. Also, let's be fair: any guy that is fighting tooth and nail to stay in a miserable situation has some serious co-dependency issues of his own.
[ Reply | Options ]OR from above: yes, there is no doubt that the boyfriend in the wings has been idealized, but objectively, it does seem like she feels that her marriage is beyond repair. And like it or not, sometimes marriage is. (And nope, I'm not divorced - married 8 yrs...and I know you're agreeing w/me, so I'm directing this at other posters, not you :) I think what someone suggested above is probably best: leave husband AND boyfriend. Figure herself out first.
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I think you should think about your kids first. What effect will your split have on them? They are going to learn that you cheated on their dad. They will probably learn that their dad desperately tried to save your marriage. The other man is going to be gone in a matter of time, and if you think you feel unhappy and unfulfilled now, just think about how you're going to feel as a single mom. You're enjoying the passion and excitement now, but it's just temporary. I have seen this happen so many times. Odds are so stacked against you--this thing with the other guy is not going to work out, and you are going to be alone, and your kids' lives are going to suffer for your bad judgment. Try to look at this like a grownup and make things work wit...
[ Reply | Options ]eventually you'll lose the passion for new guy, it will become a intense friendship with the same 'emotional security' (or maybe not even that)...and then you'll miss the old father of your kids. just screw around with new guy a few times to get it out of your system during the separation, realize he has a ugly dick, and then go back to old guy with a new appreciation for him.
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I wanted to have a ring made and found a woman who came highly recommended from a co-worker. She wanted a deposit and I sent it to her to hold the diamond. She was rushing me from the start and I felt like her first wax mold of the ring was not very close to the picture of the ring I wanted. So I sent her a few emails describing the ring and how the wax mold she sent was different. She got really creepy and basically said I would never be happy and that it had already taken more than 30 days (which, I guess, is some important timeline with her.. she never told me about this). So after being that creepy, I told her I felt like I should work with someone else and please send my deposit back. Now she doesn't return my calls or emails and no mo...
[ Reply | Options ]I highly recommend http://www.andreacorson.com/ - i grew up with her and she recently (a few years ago) made a piece that i commissioned. she was great to work with - open, flexible, we went back and forth on design ideas - and reasonable price. she does great work, check out her website!
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Thanks for the recommendation. But my question is should she send my deposit back or is that what she'll consider payment for the time she spent. Even though she didn't do the ring for me?
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[-]I have a silk dress that is wrinkled - what do I do? the cleaners wont help as it will go in a suitcase on a trip...
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]well, for now, either get it steamed or do the showrer thing (if your shower has a built in "steam" feature with floor to cieling glass walls, that works best). to pack, rather than folding it or laying it flat - take some other clothing items that can be wrinkled - undeshirts, tshirts, sweaters, jeans, tights, etc, and roll them into a "tube" shape, and then pack your silk dress wrapped around the outside of those! I do that all the time on long trips (transatlantic) and it works like a charm.
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[-]Please comment on the dinner menu below-- need some help: firstcrudite, stuffed mushrooms. appetizer 2. mini chicken wellingtons 3. main- french roast with balsamic reduction, chimmichurri grilled chicken, side: spinach salad either w pear dressing and pears/apples or with grapefruit dressing, grapefruit and cranberries, brown rice w carmelized shallots, baked acorn squash 4. dessetr tbd. i apreciate your help
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Wait, all this food? Or like, pick ONE main ONE app, etc? B/c this is a lot of food.
[ Reply | Options ]What is a French Roast? And chimichurri seems out of place with everything else. And chicken wellingtons--also not familiar--assuming like little beef wellingtons? If you're making yourself, sounds like a lot of effort.
[ Reply | Options ]it's just a cut of meat-- like a california roast. i know the chimi sounds out of place-- that's what i was worried about-- any suggestions for a great boneless chicken breast recipe. i normally would do turkey but dont want to since it's thanksgiving next week. the weelingtons or yummy and most of the steps can be done in advance
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[-]NOT SPAM !! WOHM needs other moms' help. My firm is looking to understand moms' views on buying and/ or not buying 'green' household products. We'd like to have a conversation with moms who use, and moms who don't use, these types fo products. The research will be on-line, in a discussion forum some time the week of December 1st. If you would be interested in sharing your views on this topic, please e-mail me (Norah) at greenresearch12@yahoo.com. TIA.
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Private school moms: Possibly moving to Chicago over the summer. Have a 2nd grader. Do spots open up at some private schools that late in the year for the following year? All schools, some or just one or two? Would like to apply as soon as possible but we aren't sure about the move yet.
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[-]Had an argument with DH over this, would you take your family to Hooters? Does DH go to Hooters?
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no, he doesn't go. he might if everyone from work went for lunch or something, but he would never suggest it or want to go there of his own volition! and no, definitely wouldn't take my family there. in high school i know a couple of girls who worked there. they kind of had a hard time telling people what they did (similar to being a stripper), and there were always tons of sleazy guys. definitely not something i would want my family to be around!
[ Reply | Options ]My dad got restaurant vouchers from work for whatever reason, and took my mom out to dinner, to a place they had never been. It turned out to be a Hooters-knock-off type bar, where the servers were girls in really tiny outfits and horrible high heels! My poor conservative mom felt so bad for them, having to work all night in those shoes and with all the drunk guys acting like fools. But she left a BIG tip!
[ Reply | Options ]Wasn't this exact question just posted yesterday and discussed in detail? Am i imaginging things?
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No but only because the menu isn't good. No problem with waitresses in short shorts...even with the family. If we were on vacation in florida and it was around and nothing else was, I would be fine going in and getting the kids chicken nuggets. Not sleazy if that is your concern.
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[-]1897 Queen Anne Victorian Home for Rent. Beautiful 9 Room Home with 3-4 BR in Brookfield, IL. 1/2 Block to Metra Train (25 minutes to Union Station). MLS #07351646 with pictures. Excellent School System. House backs up to the forrest preserve. If interested, please respond.
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[-]We're relocating to Chicago with two children (almost 5&2). any suggestions on where to move? we like the outdoors. are there good public schools or do we have to apply to private schools all over again?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I'm assuming you want to live in the city. If you like the outdoors you might want to look at neighborhoods along the lake (Lincoln Park, Lakeview, Rogers Park, Gold Coast). I'm a northsider so I don't have a lot to say about southside neighborhoods but some are quite lovely. A lot of single family homes (all over the city) have at least a small yard. The public schools are improving and there are quite a few good ones to choose from (Blaine, Nettlehorst, Alcott come to mind). There are a number of magnet and charter schools that accept by lottery. I've got a third-grader so it's been a while since I've done school research but I know that the choices have greatly expanded since he started school. The CPS website is http://www.cps.edu/...
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You're welcome. I really recommend the northside parents network school directory as well and they hold a school fair, too, where you can get a lot of information about public and private options. http://www.npnparents.org/index.asp
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I would not recommend Rogers Park for schools. While the area is very affordable, and you'd be near the lake and there is a new, large parents group growing there, the schools are really awful. I used to teach in a Rogers Park school and none of them (none east of California anyways) are ones worth attending. But if you can't afford anywhere else in terms of housing, it is a nice place to live, you'd just have to do private school or take your chances with the school lottery.
[ Reply | Options ]I am also a north sider, and when i was looking for information on the neighborhoods of Chicago, I found this website http://www.dreamtown.com . It has a whole neighborhood section.
[ Reply | Options ]If still in the market, take a look at this MLS #07351646 which shows 9 pictures of the house. It is a 1897 Queen Anne Victorian Home for Rent in Brookfield, IL. 9 Rooms 3-4 BR. Excellent High Ranking School System. 1/2 Mile to Brookfield Zoo. 1/2 Block to Metra Train (25 minutes to Union Station). Yes, I am the owner looking to rent my house out.
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[-]So, my family has decided to leave the city for the suburbs due to my husband's commute time (which is crazy long). I am totally depressed about it. I hate the suburbs. I love Chicago. We got into a freaky good magnet school that is unbelievably amazing and won't see anything that comes close to its quality where we are going.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]op here: pushed enter too soon. I love my husband and can do this for our family so we actually get to see him more. But ugh....we'll be going from diversity to lily white, from fun and interesting and a million friends to knowing no one and totally boring. Has anyone felt the same and then found out they really loved the suburbs? Is that even possible?
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I don't think you're going to move and think, "oh my gosh, this is so amazing, I can't believe I ever doubted this." But you will discover some benefits to the suburbs, if you try to keep an open mind. There will also be stuff that will really make you dislike the 'burbs even more than you do now, but you're doing something great for your family, you may have to sacrifice in other areas. I would spend a little more time mourning, but then make an effort to change your attitude and pursue this with enthusiasm. It will make a huge difference on how much and how quickly you and your family adapt to the move.
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Is it possible for him to get some flexibility on work so you don't have to move? Like, work from home a couple days a week so he doesn't have to commute those days? Seems like tele-commuting is quite normal these days.
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also, op here again, if we leave, we give up our spot at one of the single best magnet schools in Chicago. We will never get it back if we go. And getting into a good school was a stroke of complete and total luck. Our neighborhood school is pretty bad and we cannot afford private. As well, Illinois schools don't allow you to carry more than 2-5 years of experience with you from district to district, so if we were to return to the city after being in the suburbs once our kids graduated, my husband would take a massive pay cut. Once we go, we aren't coming back.
[ Reply | Options ]I live in Illinois and am a teacher, and I do not believe that is true about only taking 2-5 years of experience from district to district. There are plenty of teaching jobs available in the city. I'd look for a new job closer to the city and stay put.
[ Reply | Options ]I know Chicago will only allow you to carry in 2 years experience from outside the system (I taught there myself) and Evanston will only allow 5. Many others will let you carry in a few. There may be a few exceptions, though. And there actually aren't a lot of teaching jobs in the city. Myself and 4 friends tried to get jobs this fall and nothing. I got one interview. CPS has been laying off teachers and closing down schools and office jobs (which puts the office people who used to be teachers back in the system looking for jobs). It used to be true that there were a lot of city jobs, especially if you were willing to go to a bad area (I am willing) but now, unless you are special ed, bilingual or middle school math, it is really har...
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[-]Anyone have any good au pair stories? We are getting one next month and lately I have only heard horror stories.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Mine was wonderful, kind and affectionate, constantly giving out hugs and kisses. . .to my husband!!!
[ Reply | Options ]If you want consumer information on au pairs and au pair agencies, see the website www.aupairclearinghouse.com. It is a national consumer site that reviews agencies and the countries the au pairs come from. We are looking for a Chinese au pair and the website has been very very helpful!
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we had a wonderful girl from abroad. we LOVED her. she took really good care of my sisters and me and helped mom wherever she could (but not like a cleaning lady or anything). we still talk very fondly of her. but i think it might have been a lucky thing. i've heard horror stories too. however, the GOOD stories are usually about girls from abroad (germany, france, sweden, denmark, etc.) who want to get to know a different country and culture etc. i know that there are some agencies in germany that pride themselves in finding girls with good backgrounds and education etc etc. i forget the name. might be worth a try.
[ Reply | Options ]We've had ours for a month now. She is very responsible, good with the kids...not a horror story at all....and I know 3 others people with au pairs...the one that got the horror stories (2 in a row) was a mom that prioritized the country of origin for the au pair (she wanted a german speaking one and went through two duds before finding a good one). Ours comes from a family where her mom and dad are both professionals and she seemed to really want to come here to perfect her English/study the culture so she can return to her country and finish law school. She is really sweet....she is also 21 and had been living on her own in Brazil. I've heard of problems with girls who are 18 and never lived away from home before
[ Reply | Options ]how much does this usually cost? how long do they usually stay? any agencies you'd recommend? tia.
[ Reply | Options ]The website aupairclearinghouse.com lists top au pair agencies in the country - check out there list. They are not an agency, but a consumer business that reviews the agencies, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]Hi! I see that someone recommended my website, www.aupairclearinghouse.com. I worked in the au pair industry for over 10 years and when I retired, I wanted to share my expertise and knowledge with parents, especially mothers. Mothers today have a hard time of it! They have to juggle careers and take care of the home and the childcare. Childcare costs have soared in this country and it is difficult to find inexpensive but good, safe childcare! Hosting an au pair is a very good way to have fulltime care, that is cost-effective and safe. However, that said, you have to know what you are doing! You really have to know the agencies, how to interview, what to look for in an au pair, how to avoid the "Problem" au pairs, etc. I share all of...
[ Reply | Options ]I see that someone recommended my consumer website, www.aupairclearinghouse.com. We are a site that reviews and rates all au pair agencies. I worked in the au pair industry for over 10 years and now I share that expertise with parents so they can make good, sound decisions when hiring an au pair! Visit us today to see our newly published list: Top Three Au Pair Agencies for 2009. Edina Stone, Founder & CEO
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i have friends who've had 3: 1 great, 1 good, and 1 dud that they got rid of. another friend has a great one right now - she's a bit older (24-25) and was certified for newborns and my friend adores her and is keeping her a 2nd year. another friend has one right now that she's very pleased with. so out of 5, only 1 bad one.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, we have been happy with all 3 au pairs over 5 years. You will definitely get some stories out of having one but if you picked a good one you will be happy. Our friend we referred to our agency told me today that her current au pair is the first person she's paid to take care of her kid that she really thinks loves him.
[ Reply | Options ]Just remember that for every “horror story” out there - there are 100 times more positive experiences with the au pair program! People usually just talk about the negative over the positive – as it makes a more interesting conversation! Over the past 5 ½ years, we have hosted 6 au pairs and yes one did not work out and we went into transition. But you know what – that is life and we made the best of our situation at that time. I always say that things happen for a reason and going into transition was the best thing that could happen to our family because we then got the best au pair a family could ask for! Our au pair was a unique & charismatic individual who has blessed and changed our lives forever. Our year was amazing a...
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[-]In New York the top private schools are Brearley, Chapin, Spence, Dalton, Collegiate, Horace Mann and Dalton. What about in your cities?
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Boston: In order of prestige (best to worst): Phillips Academy, Roxbury Latin (boys) & Winsor (girls), Milton Academy. But our publics, Boston Latin and Cambridge Rindge & Latin, can give Hunter and Stuy a run for their money.
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Rindge? Rindge? I don't know if you are basing this on 1965 info, but Cambridge Rindge & Latin school hasn't been selective in years, and it is a total sinkhole. Nothing whatever like Boston Latin.
[ Reply | Options ]Seriously! I thought that was supposed to be a crappy school. I'm not even from the area, and I know this.
[ Reply | Options ]It's a terrible school. Bummer because Cambridge has some very good public schools, but their high school is terrible.
[ Reply | Options ]My daughter is attending Rindge next year from private. The reputation is because the school is extremely socio-economically diverse; many kids are from very recent immigrant families and test scores are low as they are just learning English. That said, we know many families with kids there who have done superbly and you should check out the website to see where the kids get admitted to college. Havard and MIT routinely hold several places open for grads each year. Anyway, sorry to see the school bashed here because we know many kids who love it.
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Andover isn't in Boston, nor is it commutable. That's like saying Choate is one of the best schools in New York.
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np: Andover can't be more than 40 minutes outside downtown Boston, but most people in Boston live in surrounding areas, so for those north of Boston, it's probably 25 minutes. Choate OTOH is well over an hour outside the city. I'd say a better comparison might be Hackley or Rye Country Day. Plus, outside NYC, people travel a lot longer distances for private school. friend at Princeton Day School told me people came from an hour away.
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What about BB&N? I just moved here, and it seems like most of the richy-rich people I have met send their kids there.
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Washington: National Cathedral, Sidwell, St. Albans, Landon, Holton, Georgetown Day
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Um, many on this board would certainly disagree with this New York list of "top" schools -- you say it as if it is a done fact, but sorry, Chapin does not belong up there in any way; Spence doesn't really, either. Horace Mann has slipped below a couple of other coeds that you have left off that do belong, but I don't want to continue this nonsense.
[ Reply | Options ]This list is ridiculous: Chapin and Spence are no different than any private school anywhere. They are NOT academic powerhouses and never were.
[ Reply | Options ]Chapin and Spence have the 6th highest HYP placement in the COUNTRY. Of course they belong on list of tts.
[ Reply | Options ]and chapin was 3rd in the wsj article in 2007. I think this poster is the loon from an earlier post who was insisting only trinity, collegiate and brearly are top tier. the tt 7 schools list was not made up by UB. you can think the schools aren't for you - thats fine. but these are considered the top schools in nyc.
[ Reply | Options ]Are you sure? Where does this info come from? I went to Harvard and did not know a soul from Chapin or Spence, though many from Brearley and Collegiate. Never even had heard of Chapin and Spence, frankly, and then when I got to NY, heard of them as uptown, rich girl schools, not academic. Honestly, I agree with poster that they certainly WERE not historically academic powerhouses, but am open to hearing that times have changed. Where is the HYP info?
[ Reply | Options ]Google. And you can check each school's website for college placement info. I know Spence has 08's up--and Harvard is on the list.
[ Reply | Options ]This link is from an article that was published in Worth magazine. Schools that send the highest percentage of kids HYP. The list is hard to find now, but you can see it here if you scroll down - http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/201404-prep-school-reputations-10.html
[ Reply | Options ]This is the beginning of the article - http://www.electricprint.com/edu4/classes/readings/edu-eliteschools.htm
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That success rate % is bogus. It is based on how many kids went to those selected colleges. That list of college doesn't even include Yale, Stanford, other ivy's. Very random to include Johns Hopkins and a couple of colleges. If kids from a school apply to other schools not on the list that may be better than those listed, they get a lower success rate. Read the fine print!
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Chapin and Spence are not and never have been academic powerhouses. They may have a lot of legs and roch, connected kids who get into top colleges, but if you look at the schools for the experience of school itself, not college placement, sorry, these are not places of high intellectual pursuits. No way. Delusional to think so.
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Southern CT: New Canaan Country School, Greenwich Country Day, Greenwich Academy, Brunswick
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[-]Okay so I am the poster with the biological father dying of probable murder... Just found out hubby needs surgery that will keep him from using his arm for 6 months.. that means mom is on CONSTANT baby duty for 6 months, in addition to starting my own branch of a business and had a serious set back/let down today. Mommys, how do you cope with being stretched so thin. I normally would have a glass of wine, dont want to turn to alcohol.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Seriously - my friends get me through. Having two women who have known me for the last 15 years and have been to hell and back with me. Having someone who is willing to listen to you vent, let you bounce the craziest ideas off of them and will just let you sit on their couch and cry when you need to makes the biggest difference (also having them do childcare sometimes helps too). I hope you have someone like this in your life - you need friends like them and everyone, particularly you, absolutely deserve them. GL.
[ Reply | Options ]OMG... you poor dear!! they say that bad things happen in threes but you seem to be getting a six-pack! I'm so, so sorry... wish I had some great epiphany-type advice for you but there really are no quick fixes to some situations. Maybe don't try to confront all your challenges in simultaneously and in their entirety. Approach each one in smaller increments that you know you can handle at the moment and once you've done that, put another goal in front of yourself. Basically, be aware of the bigger game plan but keep chipping at it in easily achievable bits. BTW - even if your husband's (one?) arm is out of commish for 6 months, that should not prevent him from helping you do a lot of childcare. Best of luck to you and keep the faith ...
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[-]God I hate NPN. Here on UB, I am prepared for nearly everyone to be mean, but in Chicago? What is with the crazy poster who is going off on every single post she writes? She went off on a dad for promoting Nettelhorst, went off on a bunch of other folks.
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Me too!! That woman is just downright mean! (NPN is neighborhood parents network...something like UB for Chicago)
[ Reply | Options ]A sad, depressing message board for Chicago moms who aren't getting any lovin' from their husbands, so they go and take out their frustrations on each other. Much like here, only lamer. And they tend to gang up on people. Kind of like high school revisited. There is this really annoying "blogger" who promotes her blog all the time (which isn't anything unique or funny) and everyone worships her because she has decided she is Queen Bee, and of course the lemmings follow her every word. Sad, sad, sad.
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www.npnparents.org
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[-]Need banking help/advice. Just realized bank had been charging me various insufficient fund fees every few days. It looks like they paid an automatic debit item which put my account overdrawn. It looks like they've charged about $700 in fees to my account. Is this legal? Please send advice with no flames.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I have "overdraft protection" and my bank, TD, charges exhorbitant rates that rocket past original $25 overdraft to tune of 1000s of dollars by charging on entire ovredraft limit - meaning on the $5000 I'm allowed, not on the $25 I actually went over. And they look at me straightfaced and tell me I am responsible for it and they keep charging on interest on the $5000. So yes, I'm afraid this full frontal fiscal attack is legal
[ Reply | Options ]its pretty disgusting, I tried to opt out of it and my bank won't let me. I didn't know I was overdrawn and lunch, a cab ride, and nail polish turned into over $100 in fees. I called the bank and they said that it was my problem. This is the same bank that had a HUGE profit last quarter. I hate, hate, hate them.
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[-]My MIL insists I do everything (okay not everything but most) like her daughter does and thinks I should be calling her all the time for advice and whatnot. Why am I not allowed independent thought and to be my own person? She assumes I will go to all of the family functions because I "have to". What's up with that???
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Is your mother still alive? The reason I am asking is b/c I always ask my mom about things but dh always asks his mom. My mom said she was worried that my brothers wife would just always go to her mom but I do, that's just the way it works.
[ Reply | Options ]Yep my mother is still alive and kind of "stays out of it". She tells me to just drink wine LOL And my siblings have kids too so we are stymied over the I "should call SIL" for advice.
[ Reply | Options ]She is just being intrusive. Do you ever call MIL for anything? Maybe calling a few times about simple things will get her off your back. Also tell you that you can not attend every family function b/c your family deserves some of your time too. Tell her that you will try to be as fair as possible.
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Here is an example: I took DD and DS to see cloudy with a chance of meatballs by myself. DH had to work so I said "let's go and have some fun." Well when MIL heard I did that she got all up in arms that I didn't call SIL and her DCs to go. How was I able to do that by myself, she asked. Frankly the three of us had a blast.
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[-]Anyone with kids at a lycee francais (nyc, sf, chgo, other) - can you share your experiences? pros/cons? thanks!
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I watched my daughter's sports match against Lycee Francais New York. I was amazed at how poorly behaved the Lycee gils were at the match. They acted in a very shameful and unsporstmanlike manner.
[ Reply | Options ]My daughter was there for four years. Many great things -- she got a great foundation in French, and the behavior, at least in the lower grades, was fine. She loved the school. Music and sports were wonderful. The English and math were absolutely terrible, however. One minus: no financial aid. Many of the French/int'l families who are there get the tuition paid by Fr. gov't or parent's employer, so they ranged from middle-class to rich, but most of the American families were really rich (except us, which is one reason we left -- couldn't afford it any longer).
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