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Do you 'enjoy' spending time with your kids?
- Yes, most of the time we really have fun together
- Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's really dull and aggravating
- Honestly most of the time it's not fun at all, but it's not supposed to be fun
- I really don't enjoy it at all, and wish I could spend less time with them
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Recorded nanny yesterday on nanny cam. 10 hours of slothful, disgusting, rude behavior (she braided her hair for 60 minutes during naptime using my comb all while talking on the phone. Then surfed the internet for a good 45 minutes until she was rudely interrupted by 3 year old waking up). Was so sick to my stomach watching it. She was on the ropes anyway - gone now. If you are wondering what your nanny does all day, get a cam and find out. $300 well spent.
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its not that gross. I am having a hard time understanding the problem. She didn't yell at your child inappropriately? She didn't hurt the child? She didn't have bad people over? I don't get it.
[ Reply | More ]she didn't do her job. SHe spent 45 minutes (before the 45 minute naptime internet time) immediately after I left for work trying to get on the internet - had her back to the children the whole time. Saw her yell at 3 year old before 9am. in short, she doesn't do her job and sat on her butt all day.
[ Reply | More ]Well, what was the 3 year old doing? I wouldn't mind if I saw my nanny disciplining my child. And haven't you ever messed around on the internet (for example, posting on UB...? Like right now?) during working hours? If your boss taped you posting these things right now he/she might fire you also. Fire her if you don't want to employ her any more, by all means, but nothing about her behavior so far has sounded that bad.
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It would make a difference to me. Our nanny partly uses that time to take a rest herself and read the paper, but mostly to do laundry and cook dinner for DC.
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is she paid to clean up/cook for DC/etc.? What did she do to DC that is rude/disgusting? Was she snappish? Nasty when DC woke up? I agree the hair combing is nasty, but if DC is napping and she's great with DC when DC is awake, then...
[ Reply | More ]well, she is supposed to clean but doesn't. When I asked her if she could concentrate a little more on cleaning and organizing toys etc during naptime (a few weeks ago) she told me it was a really hard job and that I was asking too much. She said she didn't have time to clean up. It was all written down for her before she started and she said yes to the job. She could be doing so many things during naptime, cooking dinner (as is her job - kids ate frozen pizza last night despite a full fridge of food), laundry, sweeping, toy organizing. No, I don't expect constant motion and everyone needs a break, but this was excessive and ridiculous especially in light of her statement that it was too much work.
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or: then I suggest you let her go WITHOUT telling her about the camera. she could sue you if she found out. since she's done nothing criminal you won't have a defense if she sues.
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she did not break into your home. recording someone without their knowledge and a warrant is a crime. in some jurisdictions it is not criminal but she could still sue you.
[ Reply | More ]are you a lawyer and know this for a fact? my Dh who is a lawyer was perfectly comfortable using a nanny cam in our apt. In fact we still have it (3 years later) just never actually look at it anymore
[ Reply | More ]yes. it is the family business. if you have sex with someone and they secretly tape it, you could sue them. there was no assumption of being filmed and you committed no crime. I don't have a problem with nanny cams. do not tell the person that you taped them after the fact. you can let them know before you start taping. fire the nanny but don't tell her about the camera.
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np - you are wrong. recording video in your home outside of a live-in's bathroom/bedroom is completely legal in every state and federal laws. recording AUDIO is a crime at times, but most nanny cams don't do audio.
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NP: Yes, you very much are wrong. http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/babysitternanny-camera-legality.html
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Oh NO! A poor used your COMB! You should probably disinfect it. You might catch her poorness.
[ Reply | More ]i would love to see your face if someone outside of your family used your brush or comb. you know that isn't right.
[ Reply | More ]I honestly can't imagine getting that worked up about it. Especially if it's someone I know — an employee. The other stuff sounds bad, but a comb? That just seems silly.
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ITA. With all the lice outbreaks in schools, they're even recommending that family members not share combs!
[ Reply | More ]And you know she didn't clean the comb afterward how?? Was there a camera in the bathroom too? My nanny spends 30-45 minutes cleaning and the rest of the naptime eating and doing her own thing. Which I myself am 100% okay with. If my nanny is not well rested and recharged and refreshed then she is less able to be cheeful and fun and vigilant in watching my child. And for me, call me crazy, that's more important than any housework she might do.
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frankly, op, I don't know why you are getting flamed. Your nanny is clearly lazy that is what you saw on the cam and you know that because of things like not doing thinks that are part of her job description - let her go time to find someone new. In my experience though, really good nannies are hard to come by!
[ Reply | More ]I have no idea why you are getting flamed. She sounds like a terrible nanny who did the absolute minimum all day.
[ Reply | More ]I don't necessarily agree or disagree with you, I don't have a nanny and fired my Au Pair to put my kids back in daycare. However, look at it as if you were watching yourself during any given day. Do you engage your children 100% of the time? Do you ever snap at them? Do you go online while they are playing? I think too many peopole have unrealistic and idealic expectations for nannies and you will never be happy with what they do regardless of if they are may poppins or hairbraiding lazy ass...
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not op but as of course expectations are different. You pay them to do a job, they should be more engaging of their children because that is their job!
[ Reply | More ]Yes, I totally agree. However, being upset with what she does while kids are napping is a bit unfair. I totally agree that she needs to organize, prepare meals etc, but she also deserves some down time. Again, I don't necessarly agree or disagree with OP, just throwing out a few thoughts.
[ Reply | More ]I agree. If they nap for 2 hours- she definitely deserves an hour to relax, braid her hair (granted maybe with her own comb next time), and check her email. Everyone gets a lunch break (although she probably ate with the kids so she doesn't need lunch during her break). But that second hour could be used to prepare a healthy dinner for later or do some light cleaning if that was in your contract, for sure. And in terms of her having her backs to your kids while they played... I mean was it for 10 minutes or an hour? She could have been looking up activities to take your kids to on the internet while they played behind her. Plus unless they are little babies who might put something in their mouth, they don't really need someone staring at them 100% of the time (unless your 3 year old still tries to eat everything on the ground, which is doubtful).
[ Reply | More ]the back to kids lasted 42 minutes with an occassional glance and a brief yelling at 3 year old. Yes, the 1 year old could be putting things in his mouth. I really didn't need to watch the rest after that footage but it was kind of like a train wreck.
[ Reply | More ]Well I agree the one year old should be watched more carefully for sure. But honestly it sounds like you are getting really worked up about this- you checked to the minute how long this lasted? She isn't a good nanny, just fire her and move on, try not to let it get you too worked up. Your kids made it out alive :)
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I'm a big advocate of nanny cams too. However, I think you should get one for the start of a new nanny for first 4-6 weeks until trust is established. If you had this many doubts after already employing her a while, I think the cam is going to do nothing but confirm them (as it did for you). FWIW, why don't you disable internet during the day?
[ Reply | More ]Had no idea she was even going on the internet until last week. she had her own laptop (as I learned yesterday) but last week for some reason she used my laptop and left her facebook page open. I seriously considered posting her status as "Fired".
[ Reply | More ]Do you use the internet while you are at work? What would your boss do if they filmed you all day? Do you ever pick your nose, fart, take a personal call... Just look at it a bit differently for one minute. I also think using your comb is gross, and she is probably a lazy nanny, but just keep it all in perspective.
[ Reply | More ]i would much rather keep a nanny than have to go through the process of finding a new one - I was giving her the benefit of the doubt for over a month. Used to camera to see if she was really having trouble getting all the work done that we contracted her to do (as she told me she was having trouble with so much work) or if she was flat out lazy. She is flat out lazy and a liar and kind of gross to use my comb but that pales compared to the audacity to go on the internet the minute I walk out the door and ignore my children (probably should have led with that observation to quell the flamers).
[ Reply | More ]Gotcha. Again, i'm not disagreeing with you. I fired my Au Pair after a few similar instances. The last straw (even after she neglected to strap my newborn in and she fell out of the stroller...) was when I left the house and 3yo was crying and I watched through the window as she totally ignored her and was logging on to her laptop at the kitchen table. I went back in quietly, pointed to the computer and told her it had to stay downstairs from now on. I saw her register that she was busted and I fired her 2 days later. For me, it wasn't about my things being used or the house being left a mess, it was about her ignoring my kid when she was obviously upset - and it was happening frequently.
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Are you really going to watch 8 hours a day of nannycam footage after work for 4-6 weeks? I don't know, I personally don't like the idea of nannycams- I don't think it's right to videotape someone all day without their knowledge or consent, especially inside of a home where people might expect some privacy (I know it's also their workplace, but to think about me working in someones home- which I don't- and adjusting my bra or something when no one else was in the room, only to find that the home owner was secretly taping me... it just makes me feel gross. I wouldn't do it to someone else.)
[ Reply | More ]OR: I did not watch it in slow mo. I fast-forwarded through it. Honestly, it is obvious really quickly if your nanny is good or not on a cam. You can see if they are loving, attentive, and engaging. I don't care about silly things. I don't care if she puts db in exersaucer and sits for 15 mins. I am judging the whole picture. I want a good PERSON not just a good NANNY. Most ppl can learn to nanny, but you can't teach character, work ethic, or kindness. I am on video at my job and I don't mind. Work with a vulnerable population and am glad someone else is looking out for them. I know I'm doing a good job, but I can't speak for everyone.
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How would you feel if they disabled the internet at your office so that you could not check emails from your DH, make a quick online purchase during your lunch break, check the weather (what if she wants to take your kids to the park on a cloudy day and needs to check if it's going to rain??) You sound controlling
[ Reply | More ]OR: I'd be annoyed, but I wouldn't demand my employer put it back up if it was not germane to my job!
[ Reply | More ]I wouldn't demand it either of course, but it would make the job less appealing for sure, to think that I was being micromanaged in that way because my employer didn't trust me to do good work without being videotaped and unless I had no internet access to "distract" me. It's a little demeaning I think. I am a nurse- so not at work today- and our hospital has internet available to all employees, and we are not videotaped at work, and if they changed those two things it would be a little insulting (and I work at a top hospital so they can't tell us that we aren't doing our jobs well despite not being taped and despite checking our emails periodically)
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I didn't not allow her to use the internet - offered her our laptop on day 1 and she declined. She didn't mention she had her own and would carry it in each day. She usually texts me updates from her phone that I pay for and told me she just checked NY 1 for weather most days. I am not controlling. Her internet use was not quick. BTW - my employer doesn't let me check my personal email during the day - most large employers don't. And, before you ask, I am on jury duty today not at the office...yawn.
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I really don't understand why employers have to be sneaky about nanny cams. Why do you have to spy? Why not set up a camera, and tell the nanny she will be monitored? Is your goal to catch the nanny in unacceptable behavior, or dissuade unacceptable behavior?
[ Reply | More ]I personally feel like the idea of a nanny cam is sort of weird. that said, we had a pt sitter who would come watch the baby while I worked (from home). She would bring her computer and ignored dd the entire time, which was weird since I would pass by and see this. We let her go and found another great pt sitter who is focused on the kids when they are awake, then uses her phone to surf/check email/etc during naptime.
[ Reply | More ]Weird that the original post complains about nanny's behavior while DB is asleep, and later OP says the real problem is that nanny ignored DB while DB was awake.
[ Reply | More ]OP here, yes, I should have led with her behavior when I first walked out the door. It is ALL a problem for me. all 10 hours of her being a lazy lazy person who stood in front of me threatening to cry due to "all the details" when I asked her if she thought she could empty the diaper can on Tuesdays and Thursdays as detailed in our contract.
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Watch out, next time there might be a SAHM-cam. PT WOHM but I would hate to see a video of me either at work or at home with DC - probably not doing "what I was supposed to" at either.
[ Reply | More ]well, sahms don't have an employer or listed expectations of their daily duties - they can do whatever the f they want. if you are paid to watch children and clean, you'd better not be sitting on your a$$ all day surfing the internet. PT WOHM - if you aren't working at work, your boss would be justified in firing you. At home you can do whatever the f you want too.
[ Reply | More ]OR Um my point is that none of us do what we're supposed to all the time. Your defense tone indicates that you probably sit on your a$$ all day and eat bonbons.
[ Reply | More ]i wish. though today my a$$ is on jury duty so can do whatever I want until i get released or put on a jury. eating bon bons included.
[ Reply | More ]OR great chinese at XO my favorite place when I have to go to court! (BTW are you OP?)
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OR I don't think you're mean or terrible (although putting OP before your post would help me follow it) I did think that the tone responding to my post (saying that I don't do what I'm supposed to) was a bit, um, bit@chy.
[ Reply | More ]OP: oh, I didn't mean I thought you weren't doing what your were supposed to, I meant that if your boss thought you weren't workign while onthe job the boss would be justified in firing you (after counseling of course).
[ Reply | More ]OR Yes that was what I meant. Very few of us (including myself) are completely present and doing work at every minute of every day in the office. It doesn't say that the nanny wasn't wrong for ignoring your child but if any of us WOHMs were honest, we know that an "employee cam" would catch us doing stuff we weren't supposed to.
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what do you expect? how can you seriously expect a nanny to perhaps do what you would do?
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so she's in the house before 9, but also is preparing/feeding the children dinner. when exactly are YOU with your children?
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NP. If someone has 9-6 hours (which is quite low for NYC), plus a commute, she is out of the house from 8:30 to 6:30 or so. If kids' bedtime is between 8 and 9, it makes sense to feed them before 6:30. This seems really obvious to me; not sure why you are having trouble with the concept.
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How well do you pay her? I taught pre-school in the city for years and you can always tell who pays well and who doesn't. The well paid nannies took FAR better care of the kids than the ones who were paid minimum wage.
[ Reply | More ]I don't have a nanny so I have no skin in this game, but isn't it also possible that those nannies who get paid well get that money because they're better than those who don't get paid well?
[ Reply | More ]yes, that was sort of my point, if you cheap out on the nanny, you get what you pay for.
[ Reply | More ]Np - sorry but this is a total myth. My nanny is amazing and she takes home only $13/hr (after taxes). My sister had a nanny whom she paid much more and caught her on video spitting in her ds' food and giving him Tylenol to make him sleep (then she'd lie and say they went to the park/etc).
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The comb thing is disgusting but I really don't see the problem with her using the internet while dc naps. Unless you have some kind of arrangement that she clean or do housework during that time, what's the problem? Employees get lunch breaks and a couple of 15 minute breaks throughout the day.
[ Reply | More ]I got a nanny cam a few years back and was very happy with what I saw. Nanny checked on infant db more frequently than i did during nap, once db was awake lovingly engagingly changed diapers, changed him into clothes, and took him out. I don't care WHAT she did while db was sleeping - what was important was her great loving care of my db. I agree, nanny cam money can be well spent.
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