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UB Like it's 1776!
Posted September 13, 2007(191 replies)
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I see these moms that do it all and I feel like I'm barely keeping it together. Are there moms out there that make you feel like they've got a handle on things and you're inferior?? Or am I alone in this.
76 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreConsistent discipline? Go to bed earlier, get up earlier, put on your make up, make sure you are happy with yourself. :)
[ Reply | More ]Whatever you do DON"T join the PTA. I tried that route (class mom, volunteering etc.) and I ended up feeling totally intimidated by the moms who were A. perfect and B. seemed to live at the school. I finally had the epiphany that I had finished school, and it was my kid's turn. On the other hand, I had a very fulfilling life that did not involve organizing bake sales and feeling inferior b/c my cupcakes weren't perfect. Nothing against PTA moms--but it is a matter of what makes YOU feel fulfilled.
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It's all a sham. They aren't as "put together" as they seem to be. Yeah, so there kid always remembers the show and tell item, but Valium and Vodka gets them thru the day.
[ Reply | More ]It's like any new stage in life. There are always women who seem like they have a perfectly easy life. No one does. The girls in college who came to class at 8 a.m. with perfect outfits and makeup? Maybe they had crap grades, or a sh!tty boyfriend, etc. The manager at your office who is a superstar? Same deal -- maybe she can slave over projects because she doesn't have a DH or DCs. Etc. etc. etc. Everyone has something they don't like or don't feel confident about. We just assume they have it all together.
[ Reply | More ]That's exactly right!!! One Mom I know who always makes it look easy, works five days a wk from home, has both her parents help her with school age kids, and gave up breastfeeding after one week. There is always the other side to every story!!
[ Reply | More ]who cares about the breastfeeding- and what would that have to do with looking put together at preschool drop off? let's face it some women prioritize looking nice and find the extra 20 minutes (let's be honest, it oesn't take more than that if you do it every day) to do it.
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np: disagree- after the first 6 weeks breastfedding is SO much easier. you don't ahve to take bottles everywhere, constantly wash, streilize etc., and if you travel soemwhere then it really is totally easier. I couldn't breastfeed teh first and breastfed the 2nd, so I knwo from experience-
[ Reply | More ]nnp: i think it is easier in some ways and harder in others. it is easier in the ways you mention, however it does mean that the "burden" of feeding is always on the mom which is harder. pumping is not fun and often difficult. BF when you WOH FT means a whole lot of pumping and far less nursing. it also can mean dietary restrictions, stress about production, cluster feeding, late night waking that cannot be delegated, etc.
[ Reply | More ]Bf'ing is not easier if you work, you have to constanly worry about bf every 3 hrs or have your supply dip, making sure you're home in time to feed db so your ducts dont get clogged, always have to wash sterilize pump equipment/bottles etc. It's a lot of stress also. I know from experience. Still bfing our 11mo db and work ft out of the home.
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Best advice I've ever read on this topic: "Remember not to compare your insides to anyone else's outsides." Or something like that.
[ Reply | More ]i think we would all like to make it look easy, but the truth is, everyone struggles and is overwhelmed at least sometimes. you dont know how much help these "put-together" women have. maybe they are put together for their kids but suck at their marriage. who knows? in high school, there was a girl who was so popular, so pretty, so put-together...she was a cheerleader and drove nice car, etc. i was so envious of her. then later that year, she tried to commit suicide by swallowing a whole bottle of advil with vodka. i learned my lesson. seriously - you NEVER know what goes on behind closed doors.
[ Reply | More ]Am I the only one who actually believes that some women are simply able to manage it all more easily than others? It's like anything else, some have competence in an area, some don't. I think there are plenty of people who are better equipped, emotionally, psychologically, physically, to be parents and thus appear more "together".
[ Reply | More ]I recognize this really isn't the point of your post, but: all you need to look moderately put together is a well fitted trench coat, sunglasses, good highlights and lipbalm/stick. You can fake that part pretty easily. You just need to know where to invest your time/$. (IMO)
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Ugh I wish that's all it took for me. I suffer with adult acne and dark circles, so I have to do concealer/foudation/blush, and have awfully frizzy big hair that looks unkempt if I don't spend time on it. I need an hour and don't often have it.
[ Reply | More ]i always had acne in my 20's after i had ds my acne was ridiculous. I got accutane, changed my life. Truly. When the derm was seeing me every month while I was taking it she would say,. ok we need to up the dosage until you have no bupms at all. I coulodn't believe that. And here I am almost two years later and my skin looks just as great. It helps in the morning rushing out and not having to worry to much about the "covering up " aspect. Now it is moistureizer/sunblock a bit of concealer and go. I highly recommend.
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I do a bang up job of looking like I have my act together-not in an 'I'm better than you' way but in a 'for having 4 kids she seems to have a handle on things' way, because I feel like I have to prove to myself and others that having 4 kids isn't killing me and slowly making me insane. I make a point to leave the house looking pulled-together, enjoy the kids when we are out and about(nothing worse than the look of a disinterested mom), make sure my kids are clean/well-dressed/behaved/on time/prepared. Fake it till I make it attitude.
[ Reply | More ]I'm exactly the same way. I've got three under two (twins and a toddler) and this attitude gets me through it all. If I start to feel sorry for myself it's a slippery slope that usually knocks me off schedule and saps my energy. I try to stay positive and remind myself that they won't be young forever.
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There is no single way to doing things. I am very together but it comes at a price - no downtime for me. Unfortunately I like to be busy. It isn't necessarily a good thing all the time. I don't micromanage but everything is always done, I think since I have always worked that I am used to deadlines maybe. But I think being a little less "together" is a blessing in disguise, as life itself can't be completely brought under control. I secretly admire the moms who seem a little in disarray - that's life, things get crazy sometimes.
[ Reply | More ]I know a woman w/8 DCs who really seems to have it all together altho she's just an acquaintance. I see her at the gym very often in the morning
[ Reply | More ]Yes, I feel like no matter what, I am going to be running by the seat of my pants and late to 'you name it'. My child will be all put together, and I look like a candidate for EXTREME Makeover. Once over the holidays, everyone kept complimenting me on how good I looked when all I did was put on a little make up. Sad... but true.
[ Reply | More ]First point - it's never quite what it seems. The person might look pulled together from the outside, but you don't know the full story. Second point - there's always a compromise. I can tell you that I'm good about remembering my kids' school projects, and other stuff like that, but I make that a priority over other stuff (like remembering to pay certain bills!). I am also running ragged between work and home and all else, but I try my best with lists and otherwise, and I try to put the kid stuff first, so that at least they won't suffer from my forgetfulness. It's not a perfect system, but it's getting us through for now.
[ Reply | More ]I have a more than FT job, one child in Kindergarten and a dying 87 year-old father for whom I am his sole caregiver, and no other family support other than DH. I constantly feel that my head is underwater and I get a breath of air every week or two, despite being an optimistic kind of person. I'm constantly in reactive mode :-(
[ Reply | More ]I'm with you...FT+++job, two kids (K & 2nd grade) and a mother in a nursing home a few blocks away. Does your father actually live with you? That would be the final straw for me...
[ Reply | More ]OR: no he doesn't but managing 24/7 aides even with a $$ geriatric care manager is a huge stress and workload on top of being virtually his sole contact and source of comfort and manager of his medical care. He was a few blocks away on 106th St JH but is now back in his apartment in the Bronx (with no parking). Sadly he has a feeding tube, and a difficult personality and so I have to keep all the aides happy and stop them from running as fast as they can. It is rather like caring for a bipolar bear, pun intended. Comforting polar bears is not easy to maanage.
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I am FT WOHM of 3 dc. People think I make it look so easy. The truth is that I am happily married with a great family. I have stressors, but I make it a point never to talk about these things with "friends" at dcs school. I have several very close cousins and a therapist, and that's where I let loose.
[ Reply | More ]Only you can make yourself inferior. Your problem is that you are making other women perfect and seeing them as doing it all. Some people make certain things a priority that you don't. I assure you, no one does it all and that you are missing the stuff other people aren't doing. Stop competing. There is no winning in mommyland (even if other mommies haven't figured that out yet).
[ Reply | More ]You are not alone! Anyone who says that "having it all" is a)possible and b) easy is lying. You can have most of it, and make the most of your time with your family, do as great a job as you can do at work, and look as put together as possible. Its what's on the inside that counts, so even though its impossible not to compare yourself to these other women, there is no way to know how much energy it takes for them to look like they are holding it together.
[ Reply | More ]Yes, but I sometimes feel like I am stealth "together". I look terrible from the outside... late, unshaved legs, no makeup, old clothes, my kids' clothes aren't buttoned right. But I'm going through my internal checklist and know that I'm spending my time on the stuff that counts to me and my family (like homemade waffles this morning), and we have a lot of fun, and are generally happy.
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