school just instituted a no-gift policy to teachers. now we'll have to slip gifts on the sly or mail them home. i guess the mediocre teachers protested that they went home empty-handed.

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  • school just instituted a no-gift policy to teachers. now we'll have to slip gifts on the sly or mail them home. i guess the mediocre teachers protested that they went home empty-handed.

    68 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    • why don't you just follow the policy?

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      11.20.09, 12:26 PM Flag
      • because then her child wouldn't get an edge. yuck

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        11.20.09, 01:02 PM Flag
        • and she wouldn't get a 'thank you' from the teacher that she so desperately needs to validate how much her family is loved.

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          11.20.09, 01:30 PM Flag
    • i can't believe how shitty your comment is.

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      11.20.09, 12:26 PM Flag
      • doesn't make it less true. why else would there be such a policy. seem unenforceable anyway. they can't tell families what to do with their resources.

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        11.20.09, 12:39 PM Flag
        • do you really want an answer? because there is one, and it's logical: 1. most teachers don't like or want expensive gifts. they actually would prefer a nice drawing from your child. they also think parents who go overboard with expensive gifts are trying to buy them. 2. most schools don't like the appearance of impropriety or favoritism. 3. some parents, believe it or not, don't celebrate christmas and hanukkah. 4. some parents, also believe it or not, might not have the money to match your swanky gift.

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          11.20.09, 12:42 PM Flag
          • sorry, no teacher wants a child's drawing. they want cash.

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            11.20.09, 12:45 PM Flag
            • sorry, my mom was a teacher, many of my friends are teachers, and i know ds's teachers right away. they're not waiters, looking for a tip.

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              11.20.09, 12:47 PM Flag
              • true. but given a choice between drawing and cash, they won't hesitate.

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                11.20.09, 12:51 PM Flag
                • maybe you wouldn't, but i would absolutely refuse cash if i were a teacher. in fact i refuse expensive gifts all the time in my job. not everyone is craven like you, op.

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                  11.20.09, 01:01 PM Flag
                  • you're not typing to op

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                    11.20.09, 01:08 PM Flag
                    • ok. then my response is to anyone who agrees with op that the best way to deal with a school policy is to flout it, and that teachers are like trained seals waiting for the generous rich mommies to toss them a yummy sardine.

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                      11.20.09, 01:09 PM Flag
                  • wow -- aren't you sanctimonious? Not only are teachers underpaid, the good ones especially, but they're expected to reach into their own pocket to pay for certain classroom supplies. Teaching is a job, not a calling. Paying the good ones more, no matter how the money arrives, keeps them around. You sound like another rich lady who has no idea how the world really operates.

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                    11.21.09, 09:09 AM Flag
                    • If a teacher is having to pay for classromm supplies out of pocket, then isn't the more appropriate gift an increase in the supplies budget or, failing that, for parents to all chip in what they can afford at the beginning of the year to buy the supplies needed?

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                      11.22.09, 12:51 AM Flag
            • exactly, they want cash and expensive gifts

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              11.21.09, 08:16 PM Flag
          • 1. when did you conduct your survey of all teachers? 2. surveyed all schools? 3. holiday gift/end of year gift 4. who says gift has to match and how would those poor parents know what i gave?

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            11.20.09, 12:49 PM Flag
            • you could just play by the rules, you know. you are just the kind of entitled parent people abhor. apparently the community standard applies to everyone else but you.

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              11.20.09, 01:03 PM Flag
        • The school can't tell families what to do with their resources but they can tell their employees not to accept gifts from the families. What will happen if they do is the question. If its public its almost impossible to get rid of the teachers. Privates could more easily fire them for taking gifts.

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          11.20.09, 12:46 PM Flag
          • i honestly don't think they will enforce such a ridiculous rule. next they will tell us that we cannot talk to the faculty

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            11.20.09, 01:19 PM Flag
            • you don't see the difference between a discussion & giving a material gift?

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              11.20.09, 01:38 PM Flag
              • neither are bad things. since when is a material gift a bad thing? unless the school believes the gift would have influence on grades given, in which case this policy wouldn't help. their problem is immoral teachers.

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                11.20.09, 01:45 PM Flag
                • Right, and folks should also be able to give gifts to judges and pols; if the gifts influence these public servants, it just shows that the workers were morally defective.

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                  11.23.09, 02:20 PM Flag
        • right, every family should be allowed to bribe their children's teachers

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          11.20.09, 01:05 PM Flag
    • does this preclude gift card from the whole class?

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      11.20.09, 12:48 PM Flag
      • not sure. i'll ask

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        11.20.09, 12:53 PM Flag
        • You better get right on it and make sure the teacher can recognize your writing so you get the proper recognition (since it'll be from the whole class and what not).

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          11.20.09, 01:51 PM Flag
      • gift card from the whole class i can live with

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        11.21.09, 08:26 PM Flag
    • Gosh, I read this and thought it was a fake, but I guess that's just wishful thinking.

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      11.20.09, 01:40 PM Flag
    • This makes sense to me. There are so many potential problems with giving individual teacher gifts. I believe it's unethical for teachers to accept cash gifts. It's prohibited ethically in many professions for good reason. Even postal carriers aren't supposed to accept gifts over $20 value.

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      11.20.09, 02:55 PM Flag
    • The real problem is that some people will give gifts anyway, and others will wonder if they should or shouldn't.

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      11.20.09, 03:53 PM Flag
      • Like the OP piece of work?!

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        11.21.09, 08:17 AM Flag
    • Our school has this rule; however, the PA collects money from all families and divides it up among all people at the school.

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      11.20.09, 04:07 PM Flag
      • I think this is worse. Some of the teachers really do suck and if the parents of her students don't give she'll still get $/gifts from being subsidized by others.

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        11.20.09, 04:13 PM Flag
        • This is really a strange post. I give gifts to my child's teachers to show how much I appreciate their hard work. I give gifts to every teacher. This is something I feel strongly about and choose to do. Not everyone feels the same way, and that is fine. I try not to go overboard, but to find something thoughtful - a book, a plant, tickets to an event, sometimes something else that I really think they would enjoy. Gifts are not forbidden at our school, and many people, but not all, do give them. I don't think anyone is trying to "bribe" their kids teacher. That is ridiculous. I really want to show my appreciation for the great job they are doing.

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          11.20.09, 05:40 PM Flag
          • its a strange post, or a strange policy?

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            11.20.09, 05:47 PM Flag
            • strange attitudes towards teachers. Do you really think you could bribe a good teacher with a holiday gift? That suggests you have a pretty low opinion of teachers.

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              11.20.09, 06:23 PM Flag
              • if it isn't favoritism the school is trying to stop, what do you think is the reason for the new policy?

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                11.20.09, 06:26 PM Flag
    • what a great policy

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      11.20.09, 06:35 PM Flag
    • So do you only give gifts to teachers you like? I've honestly never heard of that before. I give [small] gifts to all the teachers b/c they're all working really hard. It's not a reward; it's a token of appreciation. There is a policy at our school for a max of $20 per family to be distributed evenly throughout the faculty and staff. It makes total sense to me. Expensive gifts are OTT and inappropriate, and whether or not a parent is genuinely attempting to bribe or buy a teacher, a teacher can feel obligated to show preference to a student if they have accepted a large gift--I've seen it happen on both sides: the teacher, as well as a parent who thinks she deserves something from the teacher b/c of the gift she gave.

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      11.20.09, 07:02 PM Flag
      • I am unsure what your definition of a large gift is. I might spend only $20.00, but I also might spend $100.00, if t is something particular I think someone would enjoy. i absolutely have no doubt in my mind that it would never be considered a "bribe." The teachers at my child's school are consummate professionals. I think the idea that a teacher would feel bribed is insulting. As for a parent who thinks they have succeeded in bribing a teacher - well, that is just laughable.

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        11.21.09, 08:31 AM Flag
    • My great aunt was a teacher for years and years. When she died and we cleared out her apartment, she had closets full, full, full of gifts she had gotten over the years. You have no idea how many boxes of notepaper, and candy cups she has stashed away that she had never used or opened. FYI - I KNOW she would have been insulted by cash.

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      11.21.09, 08:32 AM Flag
      • How do you KNOW if she didn't tell you? are you a mindreader?

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        11.21.09, 09:12 AM Flag
        • She often referred to various jobs as being "the kind where they take tips" She was very invested in teaching being a profession, not a job.

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          11.21.09, 11:03 AM Flag
    • I work at a school with a no-gift policy - apparently a few years ago, gifts were getting very extravagant and out of control. Now class mom collects from all families and there is a $100 limit per teacher. Mostly, each teacher gets a $100 gift card from the class at Christmas and another at end-of-year, along with some small token (something that the kids worked on, etc.) As much as I love the cards/drawings from my kiddos, the gift card is very nice too! A lot of families also give a small token gift - a book, nice candy, picture frame, candles - those are also very appreciated.

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      11.21.09, 09:51 AM Flag
    • We contribute $20 to class parent for gift card from class and give a homemade baked treat at Thanksgiving with a thank you card made by student.

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      11.21.09, 11:14 AM Flag
      • perfect

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        11.21.09, 08:27 PM Flag
      • OP here: the school even started a 'no baked goods' policy.

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        11.23.09, 12:42 PM Flag
    • You could ask the administration if you and some of the other parents could host a holiday or end-of-year luncheon for the teachers and staff.

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      11.21.09, 03:59 PM Flag
    • JUST FOLLOW THE RULES. People are so out of control. If the school has instituted this rule, I am sure there is a reason. At our school, parents gave completely inappropriate (read extravagant) gifts. If you want to help the teachers so much, make a gift to the school or buy something for the classroom. OY.

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      11.21.09, 04:02 PM Flag
      • yes, please just follow the rules

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        11.21.09, 07:39 PM Flag
    • I've been teaching at a TT school on the UES for 5 years. I get the most incredible gifts: Chanel bags, Gucci totes, Prada shoes, designer jewelry. One year I got a VanCleef bracelet. I kid you not. I can't say that I don't want these gifts, because I enjoy them. I appreciate that someone is spending a lot of money as a gift to me--because they can and want to. I don't look at them as bribes or as their way of "buying" me personally. Quite honestly, I think the whole private school system is about money and power. Those who give more, get more. That starts from the application process and continues all through 12th grade. So yes, while I appreciate handmade things and save each and every picture I get, I don't refuse the expensive items because frankly, I'm surrounded by them every day (my students wear fancier shoes than I do) and could never afford them on my salary. I actually prefer gifts over cash or gift cards because the choices are more thought out. And the moms have better fashion sense than me anyway. Or at least their assistants do.

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      11.21.09, 07:35 PM Flag
      • you are a beaut.

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        11.21.09, 07:38 PM Flag
        • I'm being 100% honest. What's wrong with that?

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          11.21.09, 07:43 PM Flag
          • Nothing! Another teacher here!

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            11.21.09, 07:49 PM Flag
            • AMEN! Do you get good gifts?

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              11.21.09, 07:52 PM Flag
          • so those who give more get more?

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            11.21.09, 08:11 PM Flag
            • That's the way the system works.

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              11.21.09, 08:13 PM Flag
              • that's why no gifts is the fairest

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                11.21.09, 08:15 PM Flag
                • So then explain the whole process of making a donation to the school? PLEAASSE.

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                  11.21.09, 08:27 PM Flag
                  • I would hope that in the classroom all students are treated equally and favoritism is not bought. If its OK for teachers to be bribed, then how about cops? maybe judges? maybe the President?

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                    11.22.09, 04:21 AM Flag
                    • Teachers are all given lists of the donors, in order from most to least. I can show you the one I have!

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                      11.23.09, 02:57 PM Flag
                  • What are you talking about? Is making a donation to the school the same as buying favoritism froma teacher?

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                    11.22.09, 04:26 AM Flag
      • I am a teacher and I have gotten some expensive gifts and some great ones. I definitely prefer the handmade thank you cards and I have letters that I still read from 10 years ago. I really hate getting presents, I just want cards. It makes me feel weird to have people spend so much money on me.

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        11.22.09, 02:32 AM Flag
        • you sound like a great teacher. hope all teachers have your attitude. scary to think teachers can be bought.

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          11.22.09, 04:37 AM Flag
    • stop with the gifts please!

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      11.21.09, 07:40 PM Flag
      • It's accepted practice- forever! Like tipping a cab driver or waiter. Some tip better than others, that's for sure!

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        11.21.09, 07:51 PM Flag
    • Slip them a gift card.

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      11.23.09, 10:03 PM Flag
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