UrbanBaby - This sounds like a dumb question, but I ...

new post » see more posts »

This sounds like a dumb question, but I really need answers. What does it mean to "work hard" at making a marriage good? I'm trying to figure out whether DH and I just need to work at our marriage to make it better, or if it's just done. If you could please give me examples of how couples "work" to make a marriage good, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.
8 replies
- General Topics
[ Reply | Watch | Options ]
11.18.09, 09:18 AM [ Flag ]
- Making yourself go on date night, when you would rather stay at home and watch tv
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.18.09, 09:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- the obvious answer is counseling. but it also can mean,. think abotu what teh problem is and try to change you behavior. Stop snapping, try being appreciative, whatever you need. adn also taking time to be together and having fun -- not being mommy and daddy all the time.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.18.09, 09:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- letting go of the small stuff
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.18.09, 09:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- "work" is what I always hear to, but I think if it actually seems like labor (not the birthing kind), something is off. Effort/maintenance and compromise, yes - I think a big part of it is letting stuff go, i.e., your way is not always the right way, not getting hung up on stupid nitpicky things that in the grand scheme of things aren't important, not trying (too hard) to change things that you were well aware of when entering into relationship.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.18.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- communication. keeping the sex life vital and interesting too, which is work imo
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.18.09, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- acting like husband/wife and not like roomates. praising and supporting each other. not getting angry about the small stuff. anticipating each other's needs, like making dh's favorite meal or getting him his favorite snack out of the blue just cuz you love him. oh yes, and having sex most of the time that he asks.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.18.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Actively communicating with your spouse. I don't mean hi/bye. But communicating about all things that concern you. Making a conscience decision to not harbor anger but to discuss your feelings. Listen to your spouses feelings. If there are issues to not push them under the rug for fear of someone blowing up or tuning you out, but actually discussing the issues. Then coming up with solutions that work for both parties.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.18.09, 05:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- it is hard work but i would suggest that an active sex life is both a foundation and symptom of a good marriage. also, listening to the other is critical. it's easy to tune each other out over time but you have to pay attention to what is important to THEM, not just you. even if you aren't really interested, you must recognize that listening is an investment you make in the relationship. it's cliche, but women look for fixer uppers and hope their dhs will become what they want them to and men think dw won't change at all. you have to stay interested in each other and that takes discipline and effort
  [ Reply | Options ]
  11.20.09, 02:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]