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my sons are 6 and 8 and i still shower with them. they are oblivious. anything wrong with that?
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It's too sexually stimulating for them. Even if the context isn't sexual. You don't need to make a big deal out of it, just phase it out.
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np: me too. i don't think seeing your mom naked is at all sexually stimulating. it may get embarrassing for them, but i wouldn't worry about sexual stimulation!
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What do you think would be confusing about it? I would never shower with my son. I would feel horribly awkward about it, and by the time he got to 8 I'm pretty sure it would be embarrassing for him. But I'm not sure what would be confusing about it for him?
[ Reply | Options ]np: It would be confusing for the same reasons you would feel horribly awkward and he would be embarrassed.
[ Reply | Options ]I won't be embarrassing unless you have brought him up to see the human body as something to be embarrassed about. You need to make it out to be perfectly natural, then there will be no problems.
[ Reply | Options ]Children have a natural sense of modesty that often manifests itself around 6 or 7. It's natural for a child to feel embarrassed/want to be private with their (and other's) nakedness. It doesn't mean that nakedness=source of shame. You need to respect their own sense of self and modesty. Personally, I think 6 and 8 is pushing it for communal showering.
[ Reply | Options ]Modesty often does "manifest itself around 6 or 7", but it certainly isn't "natural". It is something that, by 6 or 7 has been beat into them by much of society; TV, friends, school, other adults, etc. etc. The best thing a parent can do is to counter that by word and example and leave it up to them to make their own decisions as they get older.
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My ds started to notice at 7. I still let him see me in bra and underwear, but try not to let him see me naked anymore.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: thanks. want to do what's right, but my parents were very open around my sisters and me, and we all have very healthy attitudes about our bodies and sex... i just wonder what the downside is. like if i start acting weird about it, doesn't that teach shame and provoke even more curiosity?
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You are a sicko. I am sorry, but that is wrong. Why do 6 and 8 year olds need help in the shower? Children do not need to see their opposite gendered parent naked past the age of 3 -- read the recommendations.
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I find that people who label others as sickos usually are the ones with the really disturbing thoughts themselves.
[ Reply | Options ](DH here) ITA. Children DO need to see "their opposite gendered parent naked" so when they get to be teenagers they will know all about the human body and not have all the hangups that most of us Americans have. Do you women have any idea about the talk that goes on in the average Middle School boys locker room? I can guarantee that all of it is very degrading to women and not printable in this forum. Do you want your boys to thank like that?
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My 7 yo son got in the tub last night with my 9 yo daughter. Interestingly, they scream, laugh, and point when either of them see each other in their underwear, but they had no issue with nudity. I think if you make a big deal out of it, it will be a big deal. If you don't, it's not.
[ Reply | Options ]My parents had me shower with my dad until I was 6 or so. Sunday mornings before church. My eyes were at eye level with his privates. Nothing inappropriate, ever, but it's an image I still can't get out of my head.
[ Reply | Options ]I tend to agree there is something sick and wrong going on here. I am wondering why op needs to be showering with her kids in the first place. OP, why are you?
[ Reply | Options ]np: sick and wrong? My father used to take his 4 kids on Sunday nights up to the locker room at the college where he worked, and we would all shower openly while my mom chilled at home for an hour. Granted, it was the 70's and people were a lot more open about their bodies, but c'mon, sick and wrong?
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There is nothing sexual about the naked body unless it's being used for sex. It does a lot of other things, too. If you're matter of fact and they're ok with it, I don't see the big deal. I realize I'm in the minority. That said, I leave the showering with ds to dh. I have no issues with changing clothes in front of him, tho.
[ Reply | Options ]On the one hand, I think 8 is definitely a little too old for a boy to shower with mom and 6 is questionable. However, there is nothing sick or wrong about it. Nor is there anything "sexually stimulating" about it. I just think that it might be a little embarrassing at some point for your boys. If they have not expressed to you yet that they are embarrassed, then they probably aren't. So you should be able to phase it out no problem.
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Children develop a sense that it is embarrassing to be naked or see others naked. It is not necessarily sexual unless it is made to be. Many children are anxious about being nude in front of anyone - other children during gym class or at the sports club, people of the same gender, the doctor... sounds like you are over-sensitized to sex.
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I doubt your kids are "oblivious'; It's more likely they're still comfortable or not overly phased. Believe me, when an 8 yo showers w/their Mama, they would DIE if their schoolmates found out-Social Life Horror. Our family has a very healthy shared attitude regarding nudity-AND privacy, respecting boundaries and the earned privileges of personally responsible behavior.Very recently, my 6 yo daughter said she preferred to wash her self and would call me if she needed help. The next day, she told me she loves sharing outdoor showers by the beach and sometimes playing w/me while in the tub BUT that mostly she wanted her alone time. Maybe talk to your boys(separately) about their feelings.
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I really think there is a difference between modesty and prudishness. And I think it is correct to teach modesty because that is a nice thing to have and a sign of respect. I pray my kids will have a joyful sex life and feel comfortable with themselves and their bodies, this is SO critical, to feel good in your physical skin. But I wouldn't even go into the bathroom with my kids when they were babies. The bodies are so different, why do they need to see that at such a young age? As a grown woman I have modesty in my body around them. They are 6 and 8, boy (8) and girl, and shower and go to the bathroom in front of each other, which doesn't thrill me but I don't make a big issue of it as they are obviously oblivious or think it's funny. But a grownup is different.
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nothing wrong with it if it's ok with you and your kids. some people will think this is bad, but they can't exactly state why that is, they just use words like "disgusting" and sick." it's an interesting cultural thing. obviously there is nothing sexual between you and your kids.
[ Reply | Options ]I hope none of you who think it's sick and wrong ever plan to expand your horizons and travel to the den of sin known as Europe where naked beaches are completely normal. Even non-nude beaches have topless women and people changing their clothes out in the sunshine. Get over it, it's a body and we all have sex organs just like we all have belly buttons.
[ Reply | Options ]a reasonable rule of thumb i've heard is that if you're starting to sense/wonder about boundaries, that is your signal that it's time to have one. eg - i sleep naked and our son often gets in to bed w.us in the morning. one day i wanted to have a shirt on when he got in to the bed, so now i do. no big deal, just started to feel more comfortable to me. when he was around 4.
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