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  • How would you handle? I have a wonderful nanny of five years. Today when she is leaving I overhear her say to my 6 yo, "If you are nice to me next week, I won't tell Mommy and Daddy about the secret from the playground." She has never complained that ds is not nice to her. Of course, I asked ds about it and he said "I have no idea."

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    11.06.09, 04:11 PM [ Flag ]

    • i would ask her what was she talking about.

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      11.06.09, 04:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • I will call her and ask her, but I hate that she is teaching my son that it is ok to have secrets from his parents.

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        11.06.09, 04:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • There is that, and then there is the fact that it seems he is not treating his nanny very well. Both are pretty disturbing.

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          11.06.09, 04:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • it sounds to me like the dc is treating neither the nanny nor the dcs at the playground very nicely.

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            11.06.09, 04:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • i'm sure the secret is that he kicked the sh&t out of some dc and she is doing him a favor by not ratting him out.

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          11.06.09, 04:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • call her. i would seriously consider firing over her the secret issue. think about what that teaches him.

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      11.06.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • oh, blah, blah. we all have "secrets" with dcs. like when dc says, "mommy, aunt cathy smells bad and has a moustache." that is our little secret. if you kwim.

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        11.06.09, 06:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • peed his pants

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      11.06.09, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • you have no idea what the secret is until you ask her. it's probably nothing, but i wouldn't like nanny having secrets with the child, either

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      11.06.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I would fire her ASAP. She's teaching the DC to lie to his parents and have secrets. Next think you know her boyfriend have her DC jerk him off (aka Michael Jackson) and that's a "secret" we don't tell mommy. Iwouldn't even call her, I would fire her ass

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      11.06.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • whoa, total over-reaction.

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        11.06.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • I think it depends what the secret is. if it's not a "real" secret then i wouldn't care. i mean my mom used to have a secret with dc - the "secret" was "i love you". and sometimes a surprise needs to be kept a secret and that

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        11.06.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I would react to this depending on the tone in which it was said. Teasing and loving, that is one thing, stern and threatening, another matter altogether...

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      11.06.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • she's sooooo fired.

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      11.06.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • It is extraordinarily inappropriate for dc to have secrets from parents. Ask her first thing Mon. And ask dc now. It may as simple as an extra ice cream but it sets a bad precedent. YOU are the gatekeeper NOT the nanny. Do not allow her this power of him and you and your relationship with your child.

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        11.06.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I would guess she is from another time/culture and not in-tune with certain safety issues today. I would explain to her why encouraging a dc to keep secrets from parents is potentially dangerous thing. I would also take the opportunity to sit down with ds and her and reiterate that there is nothing that DS could do that would make you not love him and that he should feel like he can tell you anything.

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      11.07.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Just talk to her! Was it said in a threatening way or in a playful way? You can say,

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      11.07.09, 08:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • ^"if you're nice to me..." to someone who is always nice to you. The "secret" might be a lucky penny, a girl that's in love with him, or an extra cookie. I agree that even in play the child should not be encouraged from -- should be discouraged from! -- having secrets from you, but if this is your "wonderful nanny of 5 years", then that's what I'd focus on and just work through this hiccup. If you find out that it is something serious, then take the appropriate action, but in all likelihood, it'll just come down to a talk about secrets. Call her today so you don't stew about it all weekend, or talk about it first thing Monday ("I've been wondering about something I heard you and X talking about...")

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        11.07.09, 08:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • Ittta with this poster. If she has been with you for 5 years, then she has a definite relationship with dc, and these are things that are said between a trusted caregiver and a parent. I am not saying that it is ok to have secrets, but that can be explained to nanny and dc without ruining the caregiving relationship which you think is positive. The fact is, when we go to work (and I am a WOHM) we do cede some control to the nanny. You can redirect in a positive way.

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          11.07.09, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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