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DH here with a profound sexual addction ready to get some help - considering a rehab.
73 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]discuss with your wife. If she has stuck with you through this, do whatever she thinks will help the most. GL!
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That would be a start. I hope for your dw and dc's sake you have been using protection.
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Two thoughts: holy cow, I hope you are not my husband and I wish you the best of luck in overcoming your addiction and keeping your family intact. It takes courage to change bad habits, and I wish you the best.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: Thank you for being so kind, I was expecting to be flamed beyond recognition so I would feel even worse and be more motivated to change. But your kind words are unexpectedly helpful too.
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np: Well, I think you're a total jerk and hope you lose your family! DW and dc would be much better off without a selfish a$$ like you in their lives.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: You are perfectly reasonable to say that, that's the flame I was expecting. I am not proud, I am a total jerk for what I am doing secretly. But I feel good about the fact that I still take care of my family, it is the secrecy of a double life that is killing me.
[ Reply | Options ]How are you taking care of your family with this double life? Because you provide a paycheck, nice home etc? In order to take care of your loved ones, you also need to take care of yourself, which you are not doing. You are also betraying them on a daily basis, so just because they don't know yet doesn't mean you are taking care of jack. Grow up!
[ Reply | Options ]OP: agreed, I want to take better care of myself and that can only help me be a better father. I do dedicate a lot of time to them even with my double life.
[ Reply | Options ]If you treasure your family half as much as you claim, you should start your rehabilitation by owning up to the fact that you are neither a good husband or father. Being such is more than putting food on the table and bouncing the kids on your knee. Being such entails living your life in a way that will neither hurt nor embarrass your family. Unless you're David Duchovny, and even then maybe not, you should address your shortcomings as a decent human being pronto and give up this charade that you "suffer" from some sort of affliction. You are a selfish pig.
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my dh has a similiar problem. he's bipolar and suffers from hypersexuality. risk taking behavior is also a symptomof bipolar disorder. you might want to talk to a psych first. you sound like you want to change and keep your family intact. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I'm sure this is not the man you wanted to be. Get help. You will lose your family.
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Sorry. My dh had same diagnosis, I ended up giving him ultimatum to stop, did not work, divorced him. Apparently he is still doing it.
[ Reply | Options ]you're me. I'm working to get out. he can't stop. that's the bottom line. tries to make me feel like crap about not being accepting. oh well. sad, but there's nothing I can do. I know he's miserable and depressed, but only he can change his circumstances. My kids and my mental health are my first priorty now.
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OP: You are right. I feel this way, that if I do not find a way to stop I will eventually have this all blow up in my face. It is completely out of synch with the way I treasure my family, I don't want to take the risk, but I do anyway.
[ Reply | Options ]my dh takes meds and still has huge issues. at first he wanted to change, but then convinced himself that his behavior is fine (since there are so many other people out there engaging in it as well - sad.) it's killed our relationship and whatever love I had for him (which was once a very deep and innocent love) has vanished. I want out and that's my goal at this time.
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Oh wow, someone else is going through this. My dh is also bipolar with hypersexuality and it's ruining us. He wants us to stay together but also doesn't see the damage his sleeping around does. OP - he also sees it as out of synch with how much he cares for me, so I wish you all the luck in the world conquering this.
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If this is a real post, please consider that the fact that you are hiding the truth from your wife might just be the worst thing in all of this. Went through something similar with a partner, knew something was off but just kept trying to do the best I could in the relationship. I was lucky everything came out and it ended. If I hadn't found out, I would still be there suffering. Your wife probably is really unhappy in a lot of ways and, like me, is just getting through life trying to hold her end up..maybe even blaming herself. The worst thing was all the wasted time...it's not fair to keep her there through deception when she could be experiencing greater happiness away from you and your issues. If she at least gets to make a choice about whether to stay or not, she can respect herself instead of feeling blind and used if she ever finds out. Life is short and we never get a moment back..don't waste her life, or consign her to a loveless existence. If you can't be good to her, let her go to someone who will.
[ Reply | Options ]I suspect my ex has sexual addiction. Calls me and tells me about his fantasies about me. Tries to get me in situations where we could have sex. I don't encourage it. Ask him to stop. Can't avoid him because we share a child. It blows my mind that he would take these risks.Told me recently about having sex with a man, a stranger. His current wife and I are friendly and I care about her. Should I warn her?
[ Reply | Options ]you need to retrain your mind and it will take a long time. your first thought when you see a computer is probably "porn", your first thought when u step in a shower is probably "jerking off"...you have to think of which situations are 'cues' in your head, and change the script you have going for them. boredom probably leads to instant fantasizing. think of all the situations which trigger immediate sexual thoughts for you, and make a new script for them.
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