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Just got a written notice via HR that I need a better attitude or I'll be fired in 60 days. I'm a professional and have nevr had to deal w/ such pettiness. It say absolutely nothing about performance. My new boss is a 40 something w/ no kids and I'm 39 w/ 3 kids I think this is very personal. Is there anything I can do?
85 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Attitude is not so great becuase she has asked me to do things way below my level(because she has fired all of those people). I think she dislikes because I am married and happy and she is not--she get along great with a 45 year old colleage w/ no kids. She is setting me up but what can I do? Company is doing fine--no need to lay off.
[ Reply | Options ]OK, first of all, you do sound like you have an attitude. If she evaluates you negatively in a professional setting, it must be because she is jealous? Second of all, the economy sucks, and if she fired a bunch of people, then you need to step up and do the work. As a manager I absolutely hate it when someone argues with me that they won't do an assignment.
[ Reply | Options ]But as a manager don;t you think you shoud discuss first before going to HR? I have had nothing but glowing reports up this point and she has ever said a word in person to me. When I asked her why she hadn't said anythig to me prior to approaching HR she told me she was busy with vacation plans.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, I do think she should have discussed it with you. Here how I would've handled it. After you refused the assignments, I would have sat down with you and document the conversation. Then if you still refused, I would've sat down with you with a witness. Only after at least that I would've gone to HR. So I think you have legit points and I think you should schedule an appointment with HR to discuss your concerns about how her expectations of you are unclear. HOWEVER, do not bring up her vacation plans or her jealously or the DB issue because all those things make it sound like you do in fact have an attitude.
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If you want to keep job, then sit down with her, and discuss it. Say you find it off-putting to be assigned tasks out of your jurisdiction, and whilst you are happy to do as much as you can to help, you cannot do 3 people's jobs. Figure out a solution, such as training new assistant, redesigning work system to eliminate some of the contention etc. Be proactive. You might end up liking this boss, and you might end up with some creative solutions and problem solving that will look good on your resume. Also, have a discreet chat with workplace lawyer, to see if you would have a case. Do not, do not, do it on company computer, it will be monitored.
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that's too vague. They must be spelling out this alleged attitude problem and what must happen for it to be "fixed".
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Specifics: she stated that I missed a 9am meeting via attitude when she knew that I had been been ER all night long with db. When I called her on it she said it was annoying because it caused he more work the day before her vacation.
[ Reply | Options ]So you missed a meeting, whether it was for DB or a sick friend it doesn't matter. When you say "via attitude," do you mean how you missed the meeting? It sounds like she didn't care so much that you missed the meeting, but that you missed the meeting and had an attitude about it.
[ Reply | Options ]I didn't have an attitude about missing the meeting I was just quiet since I still smelled of vomit. I didn't want to talk about sick db since it is clearly a point of contention.
[ Reply | Options ]np: you sound pretty passive aggressive, like you are a sulker. Not at all professional.
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did you or did you not give a reason for missing the meeting? did you apologize?
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I had the ER papers on my desk since I had to send them to db's doc and she saw them but I did not tell her in the moment
[ Reply | Options ]You say she should have been sympathetic to you b/c she knew you were at the ER, yet you didn't tell her you were? You just expected her to piece it together by reading the papers on your desk? That doesn't make any sense. If you expect leeway to take care of family matters, you have to at least provide an explanation.
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I guess the first thing I would do is ask for some examples of what may have resulted in this letter being sent to you.
[ Reply | Options ]it doesn't matter. in ny state you are an at-will employee who can be fired for any reason barring something illegal (age, race or sex discrimination, for example). op's employer is giving her 60 days to find a new job as a courtesy. they plan to fire her.
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Unfortunately, in this country there is nothing you can do. It is basically an oxymoron to say your boss is wrong - your boss may be wrong but you will be fired. Suck it up and get with the program if you want to keep your job.
[ Reply | Options ]why is this personal? because you have kids and he doesn't? maybe you have an attitude problem. sure sounds like it.
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Op: I think you are being flamed harshly. She sounds like a bitch and should have had a dialogue with you first. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]Wow! Are any of the respondants here working parents? OP go to HR and fight it bring in the medical records from dc's ER. This sounds like a very nast company.
[ Reply | Options ]for her to complain because you missed a meeting due to being up all nite in an ER with your dc shows me clear and simply that she is a vindictive bitch. sorry to say, you may be in a no win situation. you may work FT but your dc are a priority and she wants to put you to a challenge that work takes more priority because she is not a mother and is jealous of the fact that you are, and that you will be there for your dc, no matter what. if it were me, i would leave.
[ Reply | Options ]All posters: I am extremely skeptical that a high-level employee would receive a warning of that nature from HR after only one incident. OP must have a file from her boss of these types of incidents (whether she deserves to or not). OP, I would say start looking for a job immediately.
[ Reply | Options ]HR Mom: check the employee handbook for the company's progressive discipline policy. Most companies have a policy of a verbal warning, written warning, probation and can only skip steps for serious issues. Make copies of all performance reviews & emails on your performance. Include good & bad emails so you have the full story if you go lawsuit route. Because NY is an at-will state they can fire you for any reason that isn't illegal with or without warning, your only cause to sue would be to prove that they did not follow the precedent used for other employees AND that there is an illegal reason why they did not follow. It's a tough road to sue here. I'm so sorry but it does sound like they want you out I'd start looking for a new position.
[ Reply | Options ]HR Mom, have you heard of the written warning siting "positive attitude" as a remediation? I've always had to lay out specific steps individuals must take to improve performance during the probation period.
[ Reply | Options ]I have heard of similar issues especially for a highly placed employee where his/her morale will affect the whole team. for sales and customer service as well where their attitude affects the image the company wants to portray. It's really tough to get out of the hole they dug for OP.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, once there is written notice its all but impossible to stop. I wouldn't call it "the hole they dug for OP" she is at least partially responsible. She missed a 9AM meeting and offered no excuse. She then expects her boss to read papers on her desk so she would know about an ER visit. This does sound like an attitude problem IMO.
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That stinks. I went through something very similar (boss was just one year older than me and a total Bitter Betty about not being married or having kids). Anyway, I was always really nice and polite to her and I documented everything. I wound up quitting which I kind of regret. Don't let her push you out. If you love your job, kill her with kindness and "improve your attitude." GL!
[ Reply | Options ]Your boss does not sound like a great manager but I have a feeling there's WAY more to this than missing one meeting. My sense is that she is, in fact, setting you up to get fired (which I'm not a fan of, I think it's poor management) but I think it's because she sees you as impossible to work with, not because you occasionally have to go to the ER with your kid.
[ Reply | Options ]From someone who has been in your situation several times: Start packign up and move on. This is a losing battle. It's not worth your mental anguish to fight it. About 2 years ago I had a crazy, CRAZY boss at Lehman who made my life miserable. Finally got smart and got out of there, after therapy and tons of introspection decided it was her not me, but I was still powerless. MUCH MUCH Happier to have left her and her craziness behind, regardless of who was right or wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]Extensive corporate experience here: Once documentation has started, the ultimate plan is to terminate you. Assume that will happen. Start immediately gathering references other than your boss from your current place of employ and begin new job search. It is easier to be hired elsewhere while you are still employed. Meet w/ boss and talk now.
[ Reply | Options ]...Always better to discuss in person. Be open and honest about all issue including why you missed her meeting. Make a copy of the ER papers and give it to her so she know you are telling the truth. Ask her what you can do to improve and let her know you want to keep your job. Ask for follow up meetings w/ her to discuss progress.
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Why were you still smelling like vomit when you were at work? Your dc had to go to the emergency room, that's awful. You had already missed a meeting so there was seemingly no need to hurry in. Didn't you shower and change before going to work? Oh, and you should have called/emailed/texted as soon as you could have once you knew you wouldn't make the meeting.
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