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no flames, please. what are your rules or guidelines about dcs helping themselves to food? i hate it when dc decides to go and open a package or take food without asking. how do you work this?
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then why are you policing? It sounds like you have the child on probation when they haven't done anything wrong
[ Reply | Options ]here are some examples: ds wakes up earlier than we do and one mornign he decided to help himself to some fruit roll ups at 6am. then another morning he helped himself to some bread which was fine except that then i didn't have enough for sandwiches. and then yesterday he opened up a new bag of pretzels when we already had two open bags of snacks, which bothers me b/c then things get stale. i think we solved the early morning problem but i'm having a hard time drawing lines here. i don't want to police his eating. but i also don't want it to be a free-for-all.
[ Reply | Options ]Ooohhh, this kind of stuff is totally normal--op, you should've said that in the original post! How old is dc? tell him that you're glad he's getting breakfast for himself rather than waking you up, but fruit-roll ups are not for breakfast. with regard to the pretzels, jsut make it the rule that you need to finish one bag before you open another. with regard to the bread, he would not have known.
[ Reply | Options ]op: yes, i know he had no way of knowing about the bread. i told him that if he wants something to eat in the morning, he should come and wake me up and i'll most likely ok it. i just don't know where to draw the line about snacks and things like that. i hate it when dcs rummage through the fridge, so they know they have to ask permission before takign something from the fridge. then i wonder if that's crazy. of if maybe it makes sense with younger dc but i need to start adjusting my rules as dc get older. basically, i'm having a hard time knowing where to draw the line.
[ Reply | Options ]My dd is almost 4 and she has to ask before she eats something. I don't consider it policing but if I didn't give the ok she would readily take pudding and jello from the fridge before breakfast and dinner. So now she knows that she has to ask me first and most of the time it will be fine (wanting string cheese or crackers before dinner is fine) but if I let it be a free for all she would for sure eat the fruit roll ups and sweets and not eat the real stuff. I don't see anything wrong with that.
[ Reply | Options ]i'll be honest and say it's a little crazy. why would you want to be woken up early? tell him x, y, z things are okay for breakfast--if he wants to have some cheese and crackers while you guys are sleeping, you'll make him a, b, c when you get up.also just remind him things like "cookies aren't for breakfast, silly!" etc
[ Reply | Options ]a lot of times he wakes up hungry. i don't really trust him not to eat anything if he knows i'm sleeping. so i figured this would be a compromise. so far, he's only woken me up twice. or maybe i should put out crackers or rice cakes and let him know that he can have that in the morning before breakfast.
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My step dd is 8 and it annoys me when she goes through the fridge. I will have like 6 yogurts and by the end of the weekend there is only 1 left or she will eat all the cheese sticks. It is annoying although now I have tried to hide the food she gorges on so there is only 1 or 2 she can find.
[ Reply | Options ]This is incredibly unhealthy. If she likes yogurt, why not just stock the fridge so that you aren't in competition for a stupid dannon?
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It seems quite obviously unhealthy to me to hide food from an 8 YO girl b/c you are irritated that there isn't enough left for you at the end of a weekend. If there is an eating disorder issue, you should sit down and discuss it with her -- not hide food and teach her that food is something secretive and eating is something shameful. I particularly can't imagine being upset that a child ate a lot of a healthy food like yogurt. Hide the M&Ms if you want.
[ Reply | Options ]it doesn't sound like she's trying to limit the amount her step dd eats -- she's just annoyed that her faves are taken. just buy some extra when you know dd will be there over the weekend.
[ Reply | Options ]It doesn't bother me that she wants a yogurt or cheese stick but I will buy a whole new pack in anticipation of her visit and then most of it will be gone in 24 hours. I also would prefer she ask then raid the fridge. My ds also eats the yougurt and cheese sticks so its not just me being selfish
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Are you the poster who told her dh that she wouldn't watch his dd for him while he worked?
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It's their house and they should feel free to take something as long as it is not unhealthy.
[ Reply | Options ]How will your child develop healthy eating habits if he/she can't decide for themself what they want to eat without asking?
[ Reply | Options ]not sure if i follow that argument. dc can develop healthy eating habits by saying "mom, can i have a _______" and then gettign a yes or a no. his choosing doesn't necessarily have to do with the asking first.
[ Reply | Options ]Technically, yes. Does your child have to ask permission before he plays with toys? Goes to the bathroom? Why do you need to police this way?
[ Reply | Options ]Parents who are ultra-controlling about food often end up with very tortured relationships with their children. I woudl avoid this.
[ Reply | Options ]the difference to me is that the toys we have out are the ones he's allowed to play with. but he can reach everything in the kitchen, whether it's something i want him to eat or not.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree. Just don't understand how letting a child eat whatever they want ehenever they want will help them develop healthy eating habits. My dd would surely grab the snacks and sweets most of the time if I let her, so I make sure she asks. As long as she's not asking for cake before dinner I'll most likely say yes so she's still chosing what she wants to eat.
[ Reply | Options ]you hide toys from your kid and choose which ones he can play with? Doesn't the kid just have all his toys out in his room to choose what he wants when he wants?
[ Reply | Options ]i don't hide toys. i have more than one dc and not all toys can be used by everyone. i keep the toys that are safety hazards or have pieces that will get lost on a high shelf. yes, it means that older dc will have to ask for it when they want it, but it also means that younger dc aren't going to get into it.
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This totally depends on the age of your kid. I would not want a 3 yr old grabbing whatever out of the fridge/cabinets. How old is your dc?
[ Reply | Options ]Am I just very old fashioned, but shouldn't a 4 1/2 year old ask if they can have stuff ? Just seems polite to me.
[ Reply | Options ]My dc is just 2.5 so doesn't prepare his own food but I don't plan to make this an issue. My feeling is that if they're old enough to prepare their own food they're old enough to decide to eat without permission. Nothing wrong with telling him that fruit roll-ups are not for breakfast, but I really don't see why you'd need him to ask for permission on principle alone.
[ Reply | Options ]Are you kidding? I actively encourage my dc to get own food. Why would that be a problem?
[ Reply | Options ]I don't get it -- don't you want your child to make independent choices and do this on their own? We are actively encouraging it and they understand the rules (no candy or unhealthy items except with permission and after dinner). They also have to bring it to the table, and clean up after themselves. I thought this was the goal!
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Then you might try having a family meeting and setting the rules together so that your DC feels she has input and you can post them somewhere. Might sound very supernanny but we have done this with other issues and it works really well. Makes DC a part of the process and creates something you can point to that you agreed upon together.
[ Reply | Options ]i don't need to do this at all. thank you. i think this quasi-democracy approach is nuts.
[ Reply | Options ]yes, a dictatorship over your children who you don't trust is much more sensible.
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Well OP said she was sleeping when this happens sometimes so clearly he isn't bringing it to the table. I also know that I'm not trusting my 3.5 yr old to not eat candy and snacks if I'm not looking just bc I told her not too. But regardless, I don't understand how a dc isn't making an independent choice just bc they have to ask first. They are still picking out what they want (the "independent choice") and just asking if it's ok.
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5 y/o DD can help herself to whatever is on the bottom shelf of the fridge whenever she is hungry - there is a pitcher of water, a pitcher of milk, cheese sticks, cut up veges and fruit there for her to snack on. If she wants anything else, she has to ask first. I don't want her taking pretzels for breakfast, but if she wants to snack on celery sticks while dinner is cooking, I'm OK with that.
[ Reply | Options ]OMG OMG OMG OMG. Can these answers be for real????? OMG OMG OMG OMG your poor, poor children. Are you these wacky americans who will make your kids pay for electricity when they bring college friends to the beach house and you are not home? OMG OMG OMG. Are your kids not your flesh and blood? Or are you just so wacked out about weight that you are afraid they will gain some? Ask about eating in their own home? I can understand if they are constantly eating sweets in between meals, but ask to take food fomr their own home???? OMG OMG OMG your poor kids, I am honestly chilled. Bye bye UB!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]I think some of this must be fake. I simply can't imagine a parent not wanting their child to feel comfortable having a snack in their own house. Too exhausting to teach your children life skills? Too busy to buy some extra yogurt for your step-daughter? These poor, poor kids.
[ Reply | Options ]i just don't get why having your child ask first is not teaching a life skill. they ask for x, they'll consistently get negative responses. they ask for y, they learn it is ok. eventually they know before asking and it evolves to a quick "hey mom, i'm taking a y" and then they are mature enough to take on their own.
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People are talking about 4, 5 and 6 year olds, who do not have good judgment about what they should be eating and when. DCs who will eat cookies for breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in between, if given the opportunity. 14, 15 and 16 year olds are going to be treated differently. If my 14 y/o DS wants to make himself scrambled eggs when he gets home from school, I don't care, as long as he cleans up after himself, but the 4 y/o had better ask before going to help himself to a pile of crackers 15 minutes before dinner hits the table.
[ Reply | Options ]This is not what people were expressing. Many or most of the posts in response were not about teaching healthy eating habits, but about other issues--not wanting them to eat the last yoghurt, or open an extra bag of pretzels as a few stale pretzels are clearly more important than them children comfortable and developing a tad of independence, or wanting control, and so forth. Read above. This is scary, scary stuff. And, unbelievably, these are the same parents who are so obsessed with their kids' schools--or maybe it is all part and parcel, really about the parents and their appearance/control, not the kids. Yuck.
[ Reply | Options ]op: i can't speak for yogurt stepmom poster but one of the reasons why i asked is b/c i do think there's an issue of fostering independence. but the more i think it over, the more comfortable i am with having dc ask first. it's not so much the stale pretzels per se, it's the free-for-all feeling that goes along with it. i agree with the OR. this is not the same as a 14yo helping himself to snack. it's not even a 10yo. it's a 4 or 5yo child and i'm ok with having them have to ask first. although i think a lot of posters above have good ideas and i think i'm going to designate certain foods as "help yourself" foods.
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You could try not having junk food in the house to begin with. For finishing one bag before opening the other, you'll just have to remind him until he gets it, although I agree with others that 4.5 is young enough to still be telling you when he's hungry and asking before eating.
[ Reply | Options ]isn't that pretty much the same thing? reminding him until he gets it, or have him ask before he does it just to confirm that it's ok.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes. Second clause applies to the issue in general and not just finishing one bag at a time.
[ Reply | Options ]i'm sorry, for some reason i'm not comprehending your post. (it's me, not you). do you mean that you think it's the same thing and that reminding your child the snacking rules and have your child get confirmation before takign are the same thing? and what applies to issues in general?
[ Reply | Options ]First, I don't like to have junk food (like fruit roll ups) in the house period, and if we do, they are on higher shelves so no one can just help themselves.
[ Reply | Options ]^^^Sorry, as for finishing one bag of pretzels at a time, he will need to be reminded until he gets it (my brother did this through high school so good luck with that) meaning that he'll need to ask if he can have pretzels and will be told to get the already opened bag, and he should ask first if he wants to open a new bag. (although you can also keep new bags of things in cupboards up high and leave the opened bag down low or on the counter). The comment about needing to ask applies to the pretzel issue as well as to the overall issue that he is young enough to still be asking before eating. Hope that helps.
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