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My step daughter is coming in from Maine. I have never met her. She is 13 years old and her mother has poisened her against me (I have done nothing, she is angry that I am 26) I will be spending all of Staurday alone with her. Give me some suggestions as to what I can do with her to win her over.
48 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Wait a minute! How old is her father? My father married someone only 9 years older than me and it's disgusting!
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you can't "win her over" in a day. ask her what she would like to do, spend some time and give her the opportunity to get to know her.
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Don't push the girly-bonding thing or try to buy her things. Ask if there's anything in particular she wants to see or do and if she says no (which she probbaly will), do activities that don't require talking - movie, ice skating...
[ Reply | Options ]Skating in Rockefeller Center. Take the subway. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. Eat in a diner. Walk through Grand Central. Buy something inexpensive at Bloomingdales. (I would suggest "Bloomies" underwear, but I wouldn't go there.)
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Forget about her mother, and forget about trying to "win her over". Being a step-parent is HARD, and when your step-dd is a teen, I can't even imagine. Focus on being positive, loving, and resepcting her space. Don't react if/when she is very difficult. Plan some fun stuff, but don't be mad if she refuses to do it. You are at the beginning of a long, hard process that can end up being really wonderful. But it is HARD.
[ Reply | Options ]Jesus--whose brilliant idea was it for the two of you to spend a day alone together on your first meeting? That's a lot of pressure for both of you. I'd play it by ear--13 is a funny age and if you don't know her or what she's like...she could want to spend the day at the Planetarium or at Bergdorf's. I'd have a list of possible options, but don't beat yourself up if it isn't the greatest day ever--it's a real challenge to win someone over in a day and 13yo's know when you're trying too hard. Good luck--I hope it's a good first step.
[ Reply | Options ]I am curious as to how you managed to marry her father without ever meeting her. Does she have a good relationship with him.
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Plan a girls day, maybe a mani/pedi and lunch. Be careful not to try too hard and do not badmouth her mother at all or make any type of comment like "What does your mom say about me?" because it puts them on the spot and they get defensive. Or ask her what she would like to do when she gets there. Tell her that you have some money set aside so is there anything she wants to do?
[ Reply | Options ]I would keep it as low-key as possible. Movies or shopping, for example. Don't try too hard to win her over, just demonstrate through showing rather than tellling that you're a sane, trustworthy adult. And remember that 13-year-olds tend to be moody as hell, so if she doesn't seem thrilled to see you it isn't your fault.
[ Reply | Options ]Hijack! How did your parents react to you marrying someone who's 41? I am 26 and engaged to a 48 yo. It doesn't help that my parents had me young and are only 49 yo. My mom knows about the relationship, but I have yet to tell my dad his age.
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