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My teenage daughter is 18 and so is her boyfriend. He lives in NY with his grandmother and aunt(their apt). The mother during the week lives in NJ with her sister, and her sister's boyfriend. Her job is located in NJ. On the weekends she is with her son. For quite a few weeks the grandmother and aunt have not been speaking to him for whatever reason. My daughter has been saying she needs to be there for him and help him. He's been there for her now it's his turn. I feel anyday she will be approaching me for him to come stay with us. I do not want this for many obvious reasons. Besides telling her my reasons, what is the best way to approach this?
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My house, my rules. I will not accept you and your boyfriend living with me. End of discussion.
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An easier way to approach this without having a big fight with my daughter. He has a mother who has been calling my daughter and getting her involved. Which yes I know she is, but I really don't think the mother should be calling my daughter.
[ Reply | Options ]Sounds like an episode of "Cops" waiting to happen... One question: since he's 18 could he ever end up with his own place while Mom's away and then you're stuck with the opposite scenario-- her at HIS place? This is tough I'd ask a professional.
[ Reply | Options ]No! He has no money and he is looking for a part time job while he is in school.
[ Reply | Options ]i would contact the aunt and grandmother on the down low and try to find out why they are not talking to him. something is definitely amiss here and although your daughter is 18 she still lives at home as a concerned parent you need to know what is up with this kid. his living arrangement alone is less than conventional and raises some red flags. where is the father? and more importantly what did he do that was so awful his aunt and grandmother are not speaking to him and your daughter is signaling that she wants him to live with you? smells fishy to me.
[ Reply | Options ]From what my daughter tells me. Her boyfriend went to register for school and his mother went with him. She was suppose to take the grandmother and aunt somewhere and now could not. Maybe they feel that she owes them because her son is living with them. The parents are divorced and the father lives upstate. I do feel there is more to the story but this is all my daughter has told me.
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since she hasn't explicitly asked yet because it hasn't gotten to that point, drop her subtle hints now (before she asks) that this is not going to happen.
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Why can't you tell her your reasons? She is 18 - you can talk to her. Hopefully, she is bright enough to know that at the heart of it, this is really not a great idea. Most importantly, I wouldn't worry about it - she may not even bring it up.
[ Reply | Options ]you need to call the grandmother and aunt on the down low. they will understand and as long as you don't divulge any controversial info. to them they will keep it to themselves. to be honest don't you think they are wondering who you are and what's going on at your place?
[ Reply | Options ]To add to this. I adopted her and her brother. They were with their biological parents till they were 4 and 6. They were in fostercare for 4 years. This says alot.
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They are 18 years old. I am in no way responsible for him. He has a mother and a father. He is their child, their responsibility! They have not kicked him out. My daughter just doesn't like the situation he is in.
[ Reply | Options ]i agree with you. also, you can't let your daughter just treat your home like a hotel-it has rules. if your daughter asks for him to move in, just say that his own family doesn't want to talk to him, so why would i, who have no relation to him, want to? you need to be firm, because it seems like you're going to let ur daughter and her bf walk all over you.
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Your daughter should learn how to size up a potential mate. Someone with personal problems who might start to leech off her and her family is something she should develop a radar for.
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