UrbanBaby - ok, i am the poster that just found out ...

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ok, i am the poster that just found out my really good friend - the one i feel the most comfortable confiding anything and everything with - thinks i had an affair with her dh. wtf? it is so not true and yet she is ready to throw our friendship down the drain on a made-up scenario. her dh has cheated on her & i have cheated on my dh, so i think she started to put benign stuff together with him and with me... i nearly laughed till i cried when she finally told me since it was so far from the truth. what should i do? rekindle our friendship or say adios?
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08.30.09, 02:54 PM [ Flag ]
- that sucks. it bites to be accused of something you didn't do and then not be believed. btdt. if you truly value the friendship, try to talk with her, but the bottom line is that if she doesn't believe you and thinks you are capable of betraying her (not just your dh), the she really isn't your friend.
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  08.30.09, 03:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- I think this is one of the downfalls of cheating, it puts you in the untrustworthy category. Have you reassured her or just laughed at her? Crazy as she may seem, if you care about the friendship you may have to jump through some hoops here.
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  08.30.09, 03:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - OP here... reply to both: I did bend over backwards to mend the relationship & she believes me - what it boils down to is, she does not trust her dh anymore. they had problems way before i told her about my cheating, and way before i knew her for that matter. i will try to pacify her, but can't help feel that she is imagining other things i supported her on when i know how WAY off she was in regards to me
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    08.30.09, 03:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - So I don't understand your original question. Is she over the suspicion or not? Are you feeling like you can't be the same friend to her now that you see her as paranoid on this issue? That is tough. But maybe she needs a tough love friend rather than a unconditional support friend. It's really about whether she wants & is ready to move forward in her marriage, not that much about you IMO.
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      08.30.09, 03:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - i think she finally believes me and i talked her into getting together to talk it over. just wondering what approach i should take when we talk. supportive for her? hurt? offended? i didn't open up to her to have her judge me or hold things against me. and i really want to address her distorted vision of what is going on - whether he is cheating on her anymore or not, she might be totally wrong on all accounts
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        08.30.09, 03:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        I think if you want to keep the friendship you will have to swallow some of your feelings and it is probably not the right time to suggest she has distorted views. I just don't see that talk ending well. Honestly I would not want to be burdened with the knowledge that a friend was cheating and if you knew she had similar issues with her DH... was she the best person to confide in? Were you "opening yourself up" for her benefit or for your own? Think hard about why you even want to meet up with her when you have so many conflicting feelings.
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        08.30.09, 03:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]